Single___Parent___Life











{February 11, 2020}   Flashback Moment

After work Last night I stopped at JW’s of course. We talked for a while and he rubbed my back and neck. It has been bad because of my new desk since we moved. After he was done he kept reaching over rubbing my back, legs arms whatever here and there. He said I would do this every night if you were here and let me. He said I would rub you from head to toe front and back. Just to make you feel good, sleep good and to see that smile.

He keeps asking what I want to eat he wants to make me dinner one night after work. He was asking me again last night. Said he is going to make it Thursday since I can get off early that night.

On the way home I was thinking about us. How we have ended up together and handling things. We don’t really have a date on things. If you figure we got together the night he kissed me on the beach or shortly after that was the 9th of January. All though we have known each other since we were kids grew up together we just got back in contact. Saturday before Christmas. I thought about him taking me out for my birthday and wanting to do something for Valentines day.

I all of a sudden had this flashback of Father of the Year. We started talking right before Christmas and our first date was my birthday. He took me to dinner. Then New Years Eve, we went sat in the car at some beach, it was freezing and raining so we did not get out. We just talked for awhile decided we would give us a try.

Shortly after that he picked me up from work and had made this big dinner for us while his roommate was out of town.

And he use to rub my back and legs all the time for me at night because I would hurt so bad. He did a lot but more offten at the end when I had my accident and got hurt and things. He always wanted to celebrate holidays.

Thinking about it all that with Father of the Year came back. Stuff I had forgot about or not thought of in years. It is all so close to being the same. Was kind of weird to me at first I was like oh wow no this is not good. But then it all just kind of went away and I don’t know how I really feel about it now.

As I was thinking this isn’t good, the thought that he is nothing like Father of the Year popped in my head and how Father of the Year did and was and how JW is nothing like that.

Father of the Year always wanted praised for the things he did or said. It was more like he was doing it for himself than me. Like I did this for you so you will tell me what a good job I done and stroke my ego. It don’t matter if you really like it or it isn’t what you wanted. All that matters is I did something. I know it is the thought that counts. But a lot of times there was no real thought put into things.

I would buy him nice things like jewelry, electronics or even a truck I went to buy him one time. I got cused out for not buying it and it was a pos. I buy him jewelry I got $5 lingerie. I buy him nice electronics I would get a little light thing with a cube to sit on it.

I would show him things I liked or wanted that wasn’t going to break the bank, it wasn’t like he didn’t know. He say he had no money. Because he spent it all in the little stores or buying things he wanted. He would have his check I would just tell him get it out of that or what. We have x amount that we can spend on each other. He just walk in buy something and walk out. There would be times I got nothing at all after him making a big deal about having to celebrate a holiday and what we were going to do and get each other. But boy let me not get something or just get a card with a nice letter or note written inside and he would pout like a kid.

JW just isn’t that way, he always wants to make sure I am happy, I am taken care of. He wants to make this dinner because of what I said the other day about not getting to eat a Home Cooked Meal  He wants to make something for me. That wasn’t what I was getting at I was just telling them why I thought I was wanting to eat so much. Because they were saying oh I was pregnant joking around. He has been after me since what is it I want to eat so he can make me something. I told him he don’t have to but he insist. He wanted to go out Friday for the holiday but I have to work he has to work. He won’t be off until 8 and has to get home and get ready. I won’t be off until 9 at the earliest more likely 10 or later. He said he was going to cook Thursday I told him that would be our celebration for the holiday. He was okay with it. Thursday is about the only day we have that we get off half way decent hour. He gets off at 7 and I get off by 9 if nothing is going on. We still aren’t out until late. Over the weekend it is hard for me to get out until later when the kids go to bed and he works Saturday anyway until 8. Once I get moved get the bitch out of my house and get my kids settled again things will be different to a point. I won’t have to worry about having time to go see him and things. He will meet the kids can start coming over going and doing things with us. All of us spending time together. Making time for us will be a little easier as well. I won’t have to worry about rushing home to the kids because I will have more time with them and things.

But it just blew me away when I thought of all that between the relationships. I still don’t know what to think of it. But I am happy, I have been happy from the start. I wasn’t really happy with Father of the Year, I never really was, I never expected it to go anywhere between us. I felt he was more of just the friend type but he wasn’t like any of the other guys I had dated and thought maybe I just wasn’t giving him a chance he was a “nice” guy. Things just went from there. You see how that ended.

But I don’t feel that way about JW. He wasn’t ever one I ever really thought about in anyway he was just always there we weren’t close for say but have always talked and hung out together when we were at the same places, just as we did as kids. Even now I wasn’t thinking about anything between us to start with. Then I kind of got the idea that he may be interested in more. That was the first time I really thought of him as anything more than just a friend. I wasn’t even sure then if he was or wasn’t interested in more. But the more I thought about it and the more we hung out together and things he treated me the way he did I felt that maybe it was something I would’t mind if he was interested. Honestly the night at the beach he kissed me, I wanted him to. I wanted to him but didn’t, I was kind of scared to, because I still wasn’t sure that I wasn’t maybe reading more into things between us because of the way he is. I never felt like that with Father of the Year. With him it was like we were just going through the motions. I was still waiting to see how things turned out and I had feelings for him, but not the same kind of feelings.

I got it all out I am just going to try to forget about it and enjoy what I have now and build a future that we can all grow and be happy in. Because we deserve it after everything we have been through.

The wrong one will find you in peace and leave you in pieces. The right one will find you in pieces and lead you to peace. Be careful who you entertain and give your energy to!

I feel this says it all. With JW he has done nothing but try to make me smile, help me how ever he can, be there just to let me vent, cry or whatever I needed. He always wants to know if I made it home, if i have eaten, how my day is going, telling me how happy he is with me. He hasn’t asked for anything, don’t expect anything. When I try to do for him he tells me I have enough to handle and take care of he will take care of it. I made him today give me his w2 so I can file his taxes for him because he was going to pay someone to do it. He said you don’t need to take time to do it your busy. I told him I would do it sitting at work when there is nothing to do and I am bored. No point in him paying to get something done I can do for free in a few minutes. It wasn’t he didn’t want me to see what he made or what he already told me when we were talking about other stuff. It is just how he is, he is like me just use to taken care of it himself and getting things done.

Father of the year had nothing and never did anything or took care of anything. He just left it all for someone else or it didn’t get done. Even when you tried to help or do it he never offered help and it was never right or good enough. Boy did he leave me with a mess to clean up.



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