Single___Parent___Life











{May 28, 2020}   Re:Dose He Really Care

We haven’t really talked but I got some answers this morning. I came in and laid down like I always do in the morning. We started messing around. But it didn’t really end up going any further than that. He was bothered by it and kept saying he was sorry. That he didn’t know what was wrong.

I ask him if it was something that just started and he said no. He said it always happens or had been for a while. Of course it was really bothering him he didn’t want to talk about it. Not a lot to talk about really I guess. I don’t blame him for being upset bothered by it. I didn’t know what to say to him. He kept saying sorry. I told him it was alright that I understand, it isn’t a big deal. He was saying it is he so sorry. I just told him I love him it really is okay, not to worry about it, I’m not going to go any where because of something like that. We would figure it out work through it together. He just smiled, hugged and kissed me told me he loved me.

It isn’t his fault and it is a medical problem I am sure. Now it is just a matter of how to help him and work through it. I think once we talk about why I wasn’t happy that will help both of us. I am not sure how much it will help him because there are a few factors that are at play with him one big one being medical. If we can’t work together and come out with something that makes us both happy then he may have to see a doctor. I do not know how open to that he is. I guess we will cross that bridge if we get there. I hope it don’t come to that. But if it dose it isn’t a big deal to me don’t bother me. He doing what he needs to do to be happy or what. Not a big deal.

See he only has one testicle. I forget if he said he was born that way or something wasn’t right they had to take it out when he was a baby. If he has always had a problem like he said I am betting that is why. He had a few times he had a little bit of an issue since we been together but not much and not enough to be an issue.

The reason I’m not happy was because I feel like he rushes when we have sex lately. It’s like no for play nothing. It is hard for me to be into it. I wondered if it was because he is worried if he don’t as soon as he ready we won’t be able to. If it was more of an issue than he wanted to say. I thought when I ask him if he enjoyed it and was happy or if something was wrong he maybe say something. When i said i wasn’t I figured when I said why it would come up. But he never asked why or wanted to know. So it didn’t come up.

I wanted him to tell me if he was having a problem vs. asking or what make him more worried about it. I am headed to pick him up in just a few. I am going to tell him I want to talk tonight about this morning and Monday. Get some things straight. Hope he opens up. Now i feel we can talk since I know for sure what is wrong. I don’t feel like I’m going to make him feel like I am mad or attacking him if that makes since.



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