Single___Parent___Life











{July 17, 2020}   Re: A Mental Breakdown

After writing A Mental Breakdown

last night I kept thinking about it and how bad it was and why. It has been over 25 years or more since I was that bad. It hit me, I wonder if my birth control caused it? Not so much the low but caused it to be so extreme.

When they gave them to me they only gave me the first 3 months. They said when I started the 3rd months worth to call and come back in. We would see how they were working, how I liked them and feeling. They said it takes about 3 months for them to get in your system and everything even out. I had just open the 3rd pack and started taking them. I think I have the rest of this week and next weeks left before I start the placebo (sugar) pills.

I may have made it worse because I skipped the sugar pills in the first two packs. I am wondering if not having that little bit of a break those weeks and not having my period those two months probably was the perfect storm to end up like I did. When I went in to pick up the rest of the years worth I didn’t tell them how I felt or what. But I also wasn’t at the worse when I was there.

I told them they were great, I wasn’t sick like I was in the past taking them. I wasn’t moody or angry like in the past. I didn’t lose my sex drive. It went up. Only real thing I noticed was wanting to eat more. I am so use to feeling stressed and depressed I didn’t put two and two together. But I think they made it so extreme.

Now I am not sure what to do. I don’t know if the worse is over or the worse is yet to come. I don’t want to stop taking them but I don’t want to be like that either. I am hoping things are evening out now and that won’t happen again. If it does I hope I am with it enough to think of it and stop taking them.

I was going to tell JW about it and that is what I think is going on. I keep forgetting to. We were messaging earlier after I got home and I told him. I am going to talk to him more about it tomorrow probably. Tell him if I start getting that way or get bad again to remind me so I can stop taking them. I should remember but any of you who have been through it or deal with it know how it is. You don’t think straight. You can’t think straight. So if he says something or notices things i don’t or what he can say something as well.

Told him tonight i was scared and that I had not been that bad in 25 years. He seemed worried. He don’t know how I was back then he wasn’t really in the picture much. We haven’t talked about it. I am going to have to tell him more. I have always told him i deal with depression. Not like I have hidden it. I just haven’t talked to him about how bad it has been or could of been the other week.



[…] And Re: A Mental Breakdown […]



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