{September 3, 2020}   We Had A Talk

Finally had another talk with JW about a week ago about not being happy with sex still and nothing changing after our first talk. It was okay he wasn’t happy and on the defensive side. That really is understandable and to be expected.

We were laying in bed and he started and it wasn’t going well be finally stopped. He was going to go find the bottle of lube I told him not to bother. Of course he was wanting to know what was wrong and everything. I asked him if I could ask him something. He said yes was annoyed. I was trying to figure out how to ask make it sound right. He said something i said just forget it. He didn’t like that. Was asking what was wrong. I told him I wasn’t into it or enjoying it that I hardly do. He ask what was wrong. I told him I was trying to figure it out. He asked if it was from what happen in the past. I told him no he got all so it’s me? What are you trying to figure out? Why are trying to figure me out? Why haven’t you said something before now.

I said why would I you get all mad and act like I am attacking you. I said and you don’t listen and tell me story of your life you can never please me anyway.

He said when did I say that I haven’t said that to you. I said oh but yes you did the last time we were talking about this before work one morning. Instead of having a conversation you got all mad and attacked me. He just got quite. I said I’m not going to talk to you if your going to get all mad and attack me. I am not going to be done that way. I will just figure out how I am going to handle it and do. I said I am not mad at you, I am not attacking you, I’m not trying to fight. I just want to have a conversation about what is going on.

I said I’m not saying anything if your fault. I said I figure from thing’s you have said the way you do,talk and get defensive it’s because of how things were in your past. By this point I had ask him how sex was in the past for him. He said it was okay. I could tell by the way he said it he didn’t want to answer. He said with my last that is all it was about with her. It was okay I’m done hurry up get off me.

I said I can tell you are are always in such a rush or hurry. I told him I can tell he isn’t really into it that makes it hard for me. That I’m not ready and then to feel rushed makes it hard. That I don’t need to find lube I need him to not rush. I need him to slow down and really enjoy it not just do it to get off or because I want it.

He relaxed some and calmed down. He wasn’t as defensive. We talked for a bit. He really listened and gave feedback and input. I think he seen I really wasn’t trying to attack him or say he was wrong or what he was doing was wrong he was just wrong. That like with me he has dealt with things in the past that he has adapted to and he is just use to doing. He has to realize it and take steps to do things differently until it just because his new normal. I understand that and okay with that and know that it takes time. But he also has to be open to talking and know if I say hey I’ve notice this or that lately that I’m just trying to help. I think he will be more open to talking in the future.

Things have been so nice since we have talked. He seems to be enjoying things much more now. I feel like I can actually do something without feeling like I’m doing something wrong.

I hope thing’s keep going well. That we can keep having conversations without feeling attacked or getting defensive.

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