Single___Parent___Life











{December 14, 2020}   Abuse Is Love

In my last post I said I wasn’t sure what was worse in an abusive relationship, not feeling loved or feeling abuse was love? I think what is worse is when one feels that abuse is love.

I think that feeling abuse is just how one shows love or that it is normal is worse and more damaging. For the one’s who feel it is normal are the one’s who fall back into abusive relationship after another. Or stay to long or all together and don’t try to leave. For whatever reasons this is how their brain has been wired. Maybe they grew up in abusive household were they seen this between mom and dad. This was their normal. They for whatever reasons wasn’t shown love in life to know the difference. Maybe they didn’t grow up with seeing abuse or being around it and they just ended up with the wrong person and they have convinced them this is what love is.

Whatever the reason they find their self in this kind of situation or ending up in them repeatedly isn’t their fault. No matter what one has or hasn’t been through, being abused is not their fault. No one for any reason deserves to be abused. They weren’t asking for it nor did they do anything to cause it. The real problem lyes with in the abuser.

Then you have other’s who find their self in an abusive relationship, while they don’t feel love they know this is not right. They know they need to get out and away. They know that this is not what love is. They just have to figure out how to get out of it and away without making things worse. Once they do they shy away from relationships and pull out that microscope when they think maybe they are ready for one. It takes them awhile to let anyone get close or let anyone in.

But their down fall is they know what it is like to not feel loved and they don’t want others to feel that way. So they sometimes attract the wrong kind of people. They attract others who have been hurt and unloved. Some of them may be abusers too. While they may get close and feel the fire they also see a lot through that microscope and keep them at just enough distance. They have figured out how to set boundaries. So they play with the fire but don’t jump into it. While they still may get hurt it is more feelings and not abuse like in the past.

But when they finally find that one and they let them in they are all in. But they like I said before have their partner under the scope and looking to much into things. They hopefully realise it is more their self than their partner.

We have to know that we have our partner under that scope. When we see something that triggers us, we have to step back and ask ourselves why. Not move in for the kill and blow up on our partner. We have to ask ourselves are we triggered because of things from the past? If so we have to take the past out of it and look at here and now. Look at our partners as our partners. Not as our ex’s. Then we have to look at what it was that triggered us and ask ourselves the past aside in the here and now with this person. Is this really that big of a problem? If so why and work it out.



Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

et cetera
%d bloggers like this: