Single___Parent___Life











{February 27, 2021}   A Good Month

As some of you know I lost my dad unexpectedly February 8 2015. That was the worst thing ever. I did not take it well and still have a hard time. If you have been around you probably know I am not a big drinker. I had one drink between last February and now.

A few day’s before he passed I started drinking in the morning and drink until that night. I never drink in the morning or even the afternoon for that matter. But I did that day. I was feeling bad about everything and wanted a drink. A drink I had. Jack and coke and whatever else i found. I couldn’t drink anymore by the time my friend came to check on me.

I wish I could say that was the first and only time something like this happened but it wasn’t. It seem to happen every February sins he passed. I can be doing good trying to keep my mind on other things. But it seems to never fail i hit a low low point that month and I binge drink. I go to work go home get ready and go out with friends. I drink until I can’t drink anymore and drink some more after I get sick. I have drink so much I hardly knew what was going on. The couple of years were the worst slowly just got worse.

I thought of it the other day and it is the end of the month and I haven’t drink or even wanted to drink. I haven’t had that major depressed feeling come over me and slowly get worse until I feel like it is consuming me. Until I just don’t care and drink to not feel or think about it.

I have had a ruff week with everything that happen Monday. Between that and the stress of trying to move and dealing with the Bitch. I hardly slept this last week. Few hours here and there and that is interrupted. I have had horrible dreams, nightmares, and just wake up off and on all night. Last night was a hard night. But it was just pure exhaustion from not sleeping. I sit here and just wanted to cry over everything. But I still didn’t want to drink. I finally just turned everything off and cried myself to sleep. I slept a little but still not a lot. Was still up and down all night and a wake at 6am.

I am just happy it has been a much better February than the last 5.



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