I think I am finally done updating on the last year or two, everything else will fall into place among other post. I updated the main things or big things for the most part, things that will come up in other post. You won’t be lost going wait when did that happen or where did that come from. I am glad to be with the updates, I am surprised how hard it was to remember what happened and when and details. But I know that is from the stress and trauma over the last few years. It is a lot easier to write about now than now and what happened.

I am so aggravated with myself, I had posted everyday since I started back, I was 19 day in posting at least one time a day. A log of times two or three. Now it has been 3 days I think since I posted. I thought I had things together and posting, I guess I was confused and they posted the day before. I had been doing good about getting at least my one post written up in advance and then doing the second one later if I had free time and felt like writing. I would take that time to get the next post ready before I wrote another for the day. But then got thrown off and it has been hard trying to get back into the swing of it. I am starting new today.

Me and JW have been spending more time together the last few days as well and that has been nice. My friend I had not seen in years was down visiting she leaves in a bit to go home so I made dinner and had her over and caught up with her for the last 3 or 4 hours. Now I am sitting here watching a movie with the kids waiting to pick JW up at 9 so we can go to bed to start this crazy week tomorrow. I figure I will post tonight to start the week off and start working on other post when I have my free time tomorrow at work. It is harder doing it there because it is on my phone but it seem to be when I have the time to really work on it. Thought about getting a tablet and try using that. I don’t think anyone would say anything or really notice honestly. But if I took my laptop and tried to work on that something would be said. If not said everyone would want to know what I was doing and all about it. I don’t care of them to know everything.

I have caught up on sleep as well, the last few days. Yesterday I slept in until after 11:30 in the morning. JW did too. I woke up earlier but felt bad for him and let him sleep. The baby was not wanting to sleep Friday night, I guess I fell a sleep on the couch sitting out there with them watching tv and things. He woke me up and told me to go to bed. I woke up at one point and heard him coming in the back door from outside. I thought I felt him get in bed but I fell right back to sleep. I woke up later and rolled over to put my arm around him and he wasn’t there. I looked at my phone and it was 4am, I knew he must be on the couch with the baby. I went and sure enough he was between the two and the baby was beside him sleeping. I woke him up and told him to put him in bed and come to bed. I knew he had been up late with the baby for him to have been sleeping out there with him and was really uncomfortable out there like that so I let him sleep in.

Once we got up we got some stuff accomplished. We took the kids down to the village and walked around the arts and craft fair. After that they wanted to stop at the library to check on setting up a DnD game there on the weekends. I had to go to the phone store so I dropped them off and told them I would be back by the time they closed if not sooner. It was only about and hour and half before they closed so not a long time. We went to the phone store and stopped by JW’s old job and talked to them for a bit because it is right next to the phone store. After that we picked them up came home and relaxed for a bit and went food shopping and came home and had dinner and just relaxed the rest of the night.

Today we slept in a little but not as late, then we ran to Sam’s to pick up the things we needed there and got gas. I dropped him off at work on the way home. Then came home put chicken in the crockpot for dinner for us and my friend and hung out with her ad the kids the rest of the afternoon/ evening.

We have been to most of our therapy appointments that are together, I honestly don’t know if it is doing any good or not. I try to talk to him about it after and he has nothing to say really. If he does it seems he missed the whole point and is in left field somewhere. But the conversation is never more than he answers one or two questions and it’s done. No real conversation.

When we went in she of course took him back and talked to him first and then brought me in. I have been seeing her so she didn’t really need to talk to me alone. She already knew where I was and I was having issues with.

She did ask us about it when we were together. He didn’t say anything so I did. I said how I ask and ask for thing’s to be done it literally takes months to a year. How I try to talk to him when there is something wrong or have a conversation about things to do with the house, moving or anything really I get nothing. Just yeah ok or what. How when things are wrong like when the car broke and we needed a new one and needed money. All I got was I don’t know, I have no money where am I supposed to get it from. How I was told he could just take a bus and like oh well with us. I said he talks about how his ex’s were and things use to be but then I try to include him or try to tell him what is wrong and get ignored. I said I feel like I am being punished for what everyone else done it isn’t right.

I said I am at a point of I care I love him and want us together but not at the experience of my happiness. How long am I supposed to put up with basically being ignored and in reality how I feel, what I want or think or need isn’t cared about?

She looked at him ask him how he felt about all that. What I was saying? He said he needed to work on things. She asked him how he felt about the relationship and basically what he felt was issues or he would like to see Change? He said nothing really it isn’t her it’s all me. I have asked him the same thing many times he says same he is fine with the way things are. But then to me that is a problem because he See’s no need to change. I don’t know.

She has talked about him needing to talk to someone himself and work on something. He doesn’t say much. Just it would probably be a good idea but hasn’t ask how or anything. I feel we need some more time together as well. We just need to work out money to do it.

We have a session today and then one more in a few weeks because she will be out the next two. I am going to bring up a lot today and get the ball rolling on getting us in for more time and or getting him in for some time by his self if he will. But I don’t know if he is going to or not. If he doesn’t I don’t know what that will mean for us. Because there still no communication between us. I think we do need more together. Even if I have to find somewhere different that is cheaper or works better for us.

So here we were in the middle of January almost the end and JW had done nothing about the divorce. I brought it up a few days before his vasectomy going to do it going to do it he says. I asked him if he was sure if he still wanted to do it the way things were? He said yes. Few days later he did it.

4 or 5 days later I asked him about it again. He said he was going to get to it. I asked him when because it was already the end of the month only a week or so left. He said something about what did that have to do with anything? I said because that was the agreement we made over a month ago. He had more than enough time to have started it. He hadn’t even tried to find out what paperwork he needed. Much less sent them to her and got them back so he could file it.

He had talked to her and she had no problem singing it and doing it. She said if he paid for it she would drop the child support as well.

He just said he would get on it and take care of it. I said what about the fact that it isn’t going to be filed before the end of the month? He started about why that matter and it was getting done it wasn’t a big deal.

I told him yes it was an extremely big deal it was more than just the divorce. The big deal was he doesn’t do anything when he is supposed to. It takes day, months or a year. He said things were going to change it wasn’t going to be that way anymore. He was going to prove it he would have this taken care of by then. Here we are time up and he still hadn’t done anything. So it hasn’t changed he just said what he felt I wanted to hear to end the fight.

I said something about just being done with all this. What’s that mean? You want to break up? I said I think so because nothing has changed and nothing is going to. That’s how you feeling and what you want and right after I did this, (the vasectomy), he says? I said don’t go there I asked you the other day right before you did this if you were sure you wanted to with things the way they are. You said yes and went and done it.

I finally just said will you go to therapy with me? He said I told you I would. I said no you told me yeah maybe you would think about it. Then never said anything else again after that. He said I will go.

I said ok because we are going to go and work on this and things are going to change. if not or they don’t once we do then we are not going to be together. Okay I understand and want to be with you I love you I really did this for you and want us to be together. I said okay then I will find out what I need to do.

That was like Wednesday or Thursday. Friday I came home from my appointment and said be ready at 3:30 next week I will pick you up on my way she is going to see us both for a bit. He looked surprised but said okay. I was waiting on him to say something about how fast it was or what. I was just going to say yes it was because when I say I am going to do something or take care of something I do. Not wait days, weeks, months or a year later. But he didn’t.

This week will be 5 out of 6 session. That is another post.

The divorce papers finally got emailed off last night. Now we just have to wait for her to print them, signed and notarized. Then they have to be snail mailed back because he has to file the original copies.

I have told you all how sick I was and how much work I missed between that and having the baby. Then other things that came up over the year as I was trying to get back on track.

So most the bills other than rent have been running a month behind. I have been paying what was needed to keep it on each month. Me and JW sat down and went over all the bills and credit cards. I showed him what was owed on everything and we figured out what we could pay on everything Wednesday when we get our checks.

We had figured out we could pay on everything and get some things paid to a zero balance. The other stuff we would pay on it and then pay the rest off next Wednesday. The credit cards wouldn’t be paid off of course but once we paid the monthly bills down the zero we would have more to pay on them and get them down lower. Paid off soon.

Yesterday he gets off work and goes home, in a bit he is messaging me the water is off. My note said the 13 and we had just plan to pay it the 1st. It was off. They won’t let someone else pay on your bill even if they are using your card. He called to make a payment before to help out and they three way a call to me. Another time way back a friend went to pay it for me and the kids as a gift. That was before I got my two good jobs and was really struggling right after father of the year disappeared and stop paying. I didn’t even know they were going. But they refused to let them pay it for me because he wasn’t on the account. When my dad was so sick and was on hospice care father of the year went to pay it. They looked his name up and seen he had a water bill he didn’t pay and added it to my bill. I fought and fought it because we were not together we lived in different houses and I was not on the account for the house. They said it didn’t matter we were still legally married so I was responsible too. Because any debt enquired while married is debt of the marriage and both are responsible. The only thing I could do is make it part of my divorce and have them make him pay me back. No where else does that kind of thing when it comes to bills. If you didn’t sign being responsible for it they can’t come back on you. But if you file for divorce then the parties can fight it out in court and try to make the other responsible for it even if they didn’t but that is the court not just Jo blow company decided that is what they are going to do.

But anyway I tell my daughter to please call give them the info and have them turn it back on. Over the phone a female calls she just acts as if she is me and they do it. Well they wouldn’t let her. They said I had to come in bring my lease and id in. I couldn’t get off work for a bit as soon as I could I left. Stopped at the house and picked him up and went over there.

I get to the counter and they tell me I need to pay over $800. My bill wasn’t even close to $800. I was prepared to pay half of my normal bill. I was flooded where did all these other charges come from? She starts telling me that back in January they turned my water off. Then she tells me I did not come in and pay it. I just turned it back on and started using it!!!! So when they figured it out they came out turned it off, took my meter out and locked it up. That is where all these other fees came from.

I have no idea what they are talking about. I was mortified she is saying this and the place is full of people. I have never in my life done such a thing and wouldn’t. I wouldn’t want to deal with all the trouble I could get into for that matter.

If I truly did not have the money to pay it I would do without before I did that. I could of asked oldest to borrow enough to pay it. Or my sister. If it came down to it I would take the walk of shame and go ask for an advancement on my check or even a loan so I could take care of it. Not go turn it back on and use it.

I don’t even know when they are talking about it went off. Because I went in and made a cash payment that month. And of course now they say they never got it. I never make cash payment I always pay over the phone but I had cash I did not want to put in the bank and was right by the water place. I just stopped and paid it. But it wasn’t off. But of course they are the only water company for most of the county if not the whole county and I have to use them and they know it. They do what they want. I about died the other day when I called their little recording that plays when you call says thank you for calling the water department. Where customer service IS NOW a priority for us. Basically flat out saying we don’t care but now we will try to act like we do.

Why I am hear asking them what they are talking about and where my payment for January went I heard another guy down the way demanding to know why they came out and locked his meter up. Saying he didn’t know what they were talking about he wasn’t late on his bill or anything like that. I wanted to talk to him but he got away before I could. I was trying to hurry up and get their stuff done and get them paid so they would turn it on that day. It was so close to closing time they almost didn’t. I made arrangement’s to pay what I had to yesterday and then pay almost $500 of it next week to get them to turn it back on. I am going to continue to fight it and try to get it done away with because I did not do something like that. But until I can get it taken care of I have to pay it because I can’t be here with no water for the kids. If it was just me and JW I probably would of just left it off and fought it. I am going to go on line and ask if anyone else has had this problems or others with the water company and get a group together and see if we can get something done. I may call the utility commissioner if they don’t listen and do something about it.

But now that is hundreds of dollars I did not plan to put out and it is money that is to pay everything else including my rent. I don’t know what to do at this point. I do not get vacation again until the 18 of March. Normally they will not let us cash it in. If they do a week only. We had plan to take a vacation over the summer or sooner and go see his dad. Now we will have to save enough money for the trip and then enough for the pay that I will be missing that week because it will be unpaid time off. We can cash it in then take time off later unpaid still if we want to. Then my 2nd week I wanted to save for Christmas time. I was going to take off 12/26 since it is a Tuesday through 1/3 to spend time with the kids. I will have Saturday Sunday and Monday off for Christmas so I will start my vacation the day we are supposed to go back. Then have the same off the following week for New years. But I don’t want to go back on the 2nd so I will go back the 3rd. I want to get tickets to the theme park for the kids maybe we will drive over a few days and go why I am off. But now we have to save to have pay for that week I will be missing as well as Christmas and the bills. I am going to do that walk of shame and go talk to my boss and explain I had something come up and that I really need my time now and to cash in both weeks so I can get everything on track once and for all. I hope he can talk the owner into it or just do it and no one say anything. But I think the owner has to approve it so he will most likely have to talk him into it. But he is big on us taking our time off and getting a break from work.

I just can not believe they are saying I did such a thing. I wish I had a camera so that I can show no one ever messed with the meter. That I hadn’t had the kids clean the car out a while back, because they threw the paper where I paid it away. It wasn’t their fault. I told them I had everything I didn’t need it. It had been almost a month I didn’t think I did. I am now going to start saving every paper I get from them if I pay in cash.

et cetera
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