Re: Oklahoma Bound

It’s been a long few weeks. The 16 me JW and the baby left on our trip to see JW’s dad. We didn’t pull out until about 10 pm. I wanted to leave at 6 but thing’s happened and we were delayed. We had both gotten up and was at work by 5 that morning, but he got off at 1. He was supposed to nap a while but didn’t.

I got home we picked up the rental car and last minute things for the kids. We got everything packed because he hadn’t bothered to pack at all. I had my stuff ready laid to the side. Once we got that all done we left.

I drove out and ended up driving just over the first 400 miles of the trip. We were in Georgia then. I stopped at a waffle house to get coffee feed the baby and stretch my legs a little bit. Then we got him dressed and ready for bed and got back on the road. He went right back to sleep. JW took over driving as well. We didn’t make it but a few hounded miles up the road and he was falling a sleep too. He didn’t sleep the whole time I was driving so he was no help. I got a little sleep and took back over. I honestly can’t even think of where or how many times after that we stopped. Few rest areas and a truck stop and a park. We slept for an hour or so here and there to hold us over until we got there.

We didn’t do horrible it took us just over 24 hours to get there. It said it was an 20 hour trip. But having to stop for gas, food and for the baby we made good time.

We got there just about 11pm that night. His step mom and sister had his dad out driving him around and making excuses why they couldn’t go home yet. We were going to his sisters house his dad was ready to be home in bed and never out that late. So they couldn’t just go to her house he would of wanted to drop her off and go home.

We got there and told them and they came pulling up. We didn’t know what they were doing until they got there and we got inside.

They pulled into the alley by the house and we parked behind them. Jw got out went up to the door and opened it said something to him. He said well hey I know who you are I seen you before but I don’t remember your name I’m sorry you have to tell me again. Jw said his name and something he said your son he said what not my son. he was telling him yes about that time they turned on more better light from somewhere he could see him better. He was so thrilled. They hadn’t seen each other in 13 or 15 years. He started about what he was doing all the way up there why I let him come up there. He had to go see the baby.

The baby was scared of him but he is of all new people. He let him get close but not to close just watch him. We all went inside and talked a while then they left. We were staying at his sister’s. We talked with her and her friend and boyfriend for a while and finally got to go to bed.

That was fun, I told him forever before we went to see where we were staying and trying to make sure I could find a decent hotel. He insisted it would be fine we would stay at one of their houses. I was worried if it was going to be clean and things for the baby he didn’t find anything out.

So we go get shower’s and lay down. We are putting 3 of us on this little air mattress. I was so cold all night and did everything to keep from falling off.

Finally morning came I was still exhausted from pretty much being up for going on 3 days. I hear his sister and her boyfriend on the other side of the door fighting over something. They weren’t loud you could tell they were mad but didn’t want us to hear.

I rolled over was trying to fall a sleep for even a few more minutes. Whatever until he got up we had to get up. As I closed my eyes I seen something move on the bed. I thought I was seeing a shadow and started to not look but something made me open my eyes and look.

When I did it was a bedbug. I woke him up and showed him. He seemed at first he was just going to go back to sleep. I googled it showed him I knew what I was talking about. I made him get up. We started packing everything and getting ready to go.

His sister didn’t seem surprised at all when he said something. I told him yeah because she already knew and wasn’t going to say anything. That made me mad. We packed everything up in trash bags and left. She said she had them paid someone to get rid of them but she guess it didn’t work that the room we were in had them the worst. Like really what the fuck. They had already been fighting at like 7 or 8 in the morning and the kids had gotten up they are wild and she is fighting with them. I already between that no where to really sleep and the kids I was going to find a room somewhere. More money I didn’t have but we had to sleep. I had been up since 4 am Thursday and it was now Saturday morning. I had had maybe 2 hours sleep in the car on the way and a few little 5 or 10 minutes power naps. I spent the night freezing and trying not to fall off the air mattress. I couldn’t do that for days and the make a 24 hour drive home.

We went from there to his dad’s house before we went to the motel. We get there to his big house he tells him about and JW is saying maybe we could stay there. No one had invited us to so I knew most it was going to be a no go. It was packed full of junk everywhere they didn’t even have a place to sit in the living room really. It is someone else’s house they are renting a room.

They have a petting zoo there on the property they feed the animals on the weekend. It was raining off and on and a sloppy mess. Here we sit outside. Slopping around feeding the animals.

From there they show us where the best motel in town is. I rent the room from Saturday to Tuesday even though we are leaving Monday at dinner time. I wanted to go sleep for a bit before we left Monday evening.

So here we sat on another trip where the only way to see anyone was to be out and about running around. Or sitting in the motel room. So again we didn’t do much we went to the store got stuff we needed to take care of our stuff and try not to get bedbugs and went out to eat. Then we went to the mall for awhile. I didn’t really want to go there but they did.

The motel was horrible it looked like they had water damage all over. We had a none smoking room, there was burn holes everywhere including in the comforter on the bed. The shower had been painted inside it was peeling. We had the oak and play we asked for an extra sheet for it and they refused to give us one. They said they didn’t give out extra blankets or sheets. Three of us checked in they gave us two towels. I asked for an extra one for the baby. They told us no they only give two per room and if we wanted more we had to bring those two back they would give us two more. I was not happy. But we already paid we just stuck it out. But we will not be going back there again. I never leave reviews but I did leave them a review for sure. That is crazy two towels for 3 people and we can’t use an extra sheet.i have never been anywhere like that.

It’s safe to say we won’t be making that trip again anyway. It’s a long drive and I am not making a trip like that again where there is no where to go and spend time together.

When we have family come in they have always stayed at my grandparents house or my house or depending how many split them up between the two. When I went to see my grandpa we always stayed at his house. Even when we went to RCs sister house we had to sleep on the pull out couch but we had a place to stay. We could of stayed at a motel at either but they had a place we could all go and spend time together entertain and not have to sit in the motel or run around to be able to see them. Guess we just come from very different backgrounds or raised differently. Even when we went to see the kids they have roommates but still they couldn’t have company over to visit for a few hours or to do a cookout or dinner one evening. I don’t mind getting a motel and would prefer it to go back to and have down time. But it’s nice to be able to go see people do things without having to always be on the run. You don’t get to spend any quality time with people that way. Even if I went to see my friend that moves to NC she would let us stay with her. I would get a room but we would go spent time with them do meals just hang out and relax and catch up. But there is just none of that when we went these two trips.

At least he got to meet his grampa and he got to see his dad. He hasn’t seen his dad in like 13 years. It maybe the last time he gets to see him.

We left Monday around dinner and got home around 11 pm Tuesday. It wasn’t a horrible drive there or back just a long one. It seemed as if we were never going to get out of Oklahoma or Arkansas coming or going.

Update 30 February 2023 Therapy

We have been to most of our therapy appointments that are together, I honestly don’t know if it is doing any good or not. I try to talk to him about it after and he has nothing to say really. If he does it seems he missed the whole point and is in left field somewhere. But the conversation is never more than he answers one or two questions and it’s done. No real conversation.

When we went in she of course took him back and talked to him first and then brought me in. I have been seeing her so she didn’t really need to talk to me alone. She already knew where I was and I was having issues with.

She did ask us about it when we were together. He didn’t say anything so I did. I said how I ask and ask for thing’s to be done it literally takes months to a year. How I try to talk to him when there is something wrong or have a conversation about things to do with the house, moving or anything really I get nothing. Just yeah ok or what. How when things are wrong like when the car broke and we needed a new one and needed money. All I got was I don’t know, I have no money where am I supposed to get it from. How I was told he could just take a bus and like oh well with us. I said he talks about how his ex’s were and things use to be but then I try to include him or try to tell him what is wrong and get ignored. I said I feel like I am being punished for what everyone else done it isn’t right.

I said I am at a point of I care I love him and want us together but not at the experience of my happiness. How long am I supposed to put up with basically being ignored and in reality how I feel, what I want or think or need isn’t cared about?

She looked at him ask him how he felt about all that. What I was saying? He said he needed to work on things. She asked him how he felt about the relationship and basically what he felt was issues or he would like to see Change? He said nothing really it isn’t her it’s all me. I have asked him the same thing many times he says same he is fine with the way things are. But then to me that is a problem because he See’s no need to change. I don’t know.

She has talked about him needing to talk to someone himself and work on something. He doesn’t say much. Just it would probably be a good idea but hasn’t ask how or anything. I feel we need some more time together as well. We just need to work out money to do it.

We have a session today and then one more in a few weeks because she will be out the next two. I am going to bring up a lot today and get the ball rolling on getting us in for more time and or getting him in for some time by his self if he will. But I don’t know if he is going to or not. If he doesn’t I don’t know what that will mean for us. Because there still no communication between us. I think we do need more together. Even if I have to find somewhere different that is cheaper or works better for us.

Update 29 January/February 2023/ Therapy and Divorce

So here we were in the middle of January almost the end and JW had done nothing about the divorce. I brought it up a few days before his vasectomy going to do it going to do it he says. I asked him if he was sure if he still wanted to do it the way things were? He said yes. Few days later he did it.

4 or 5 days later I asked him about it again. He said he was going to get to it. I asked him when because it was already the end of the month only a week or so left. He said something about what did that have to do with anything? I said because that was the agreement we made over a month ago. He had more than enough time to have started it. He hadn’t even tried to find out what paperwork he needed. Much less sent them to her and got them back so he could file it.

He had talked to her and she had no problem singing it and doing it. She said if he paid for it she would drop the child support as well.

He just said he would get on it and take care of it. I said what about the fact that it isn’t going to be filed before the end of the month? He started about why that matter and it was getting done it wasn’t a big deal.

I told him yes it was an extremely big deal it was more than just the divorce. The big deal was he doesn’t do anything when he is supposed to. It takes day, months or a year. He said things were going to change it wasn’t going to be that way anymore. He was going to prove it he would have this taken care of by then. Here we are time up and he still hadn’t done anything. So it hasn’t changed he just said what he felt I wanted to hear to end the fight.

I said something about just being done with all this. What’s that mean? You want to break up? I said I think so because nothing has changed and nothing is going to. That’s how you feeling and what you want and right after I did this, (the vasectomy), he says? I said don’t go there I asked you the other day right before you did this if you were sure you wanted to with things the way they are. You said yes and went and done it.

I finally just said will you go to therapy with me? He said I told you I would. I said no you told me yeah maybe you would think about it. Then never said anything else again after that. He said I will go.

I said ok because we are going to go and work on this and things are going to change. if not or they don’t once we do then we are not going to be together. Okay I understand and want to be with you I love you I really did this for you and want us to be together. I said okay then I will find out what I need to do.

That was like Wednesday or Thursday. Friday I came home from my appointment and said be ready at 3:30 next week I will pick you up on my way she is going to see us both for a bit. He looked surprised but said okay. I was waiting on him to say something about how fast it was or what. I was just going to say yes it was because when I say I am going to do something or take care of something I do. Not wait days, weeks, months or a year later. But he didn’t.

This week will be 5 out of 6 session. That is another post.

The divorce papers finally got emailed off last night. Now we just have to wait for her to print them, signed and notarized. Then they have to be snail mailed back because he has to file the original copies.

Update 28 January 2023 Part 2/ V is for vasectomy

I guess around July/September of last year JW decided he would go get a vesectomy. So after we came back from our trip in September he made an appointment. They seen him in October for a check up then told him they would call him with a date.

They finally called in November and set him up for January 20th. So we played the waiting game.

Why he was waiting he was supposed to get information from his mom. Because when he was about 3 or 4 something was wrong with one of his testicles and they had to remove it. Luckily all the test came back fine but I guess there was no way of knowing without taking it. Not sure of the reasoning behind it all.

But when he went for his check up they told him they were not sure if they took the testicle and the tube out or just the testicle. They couldn’t find the tube if they left it. They told him if they were not able to see it when they went in there or find it there was a chance the vasectomy wouldn’t work because that tube wouldn’t get done. For some reason I guess it could get down under other things they may not see it think it was gone.

Again I am not sure I wasn’t there and you know how guys are with relaying information. I kept asking him if he had asked his mom about it he kept saying now.

When she was hear I asked him when we were all in the van going somewhere if he had talked to her about it. He said no. She was asking what he said nothing.

She went home and he still hadn’t asked her. I said something one more time about it and left it alone. The night before he was to go I messaged her and asked her if he had asked her anything about his operation from when he was a kid?

She said no, why? Is something wrong? Is he okay? I told her he was fine thing wrong. But that he was going to get this done the next day and what they were saying. That he has had since October to ask her. She said she wasn’t sure it had been so long ago she didn’t remember them saying. But that they did say they didn’t know if he would have kids or not. By that I figured they had probably taken everything out.

We talked a little more she was happy he was going to do it. She said she been trying to get him to do it for 20 years. She said of he knew we were talking about this he would have a fit. I said I know but he needs to know won’t ask. She told me to let her know when he was done and that everything went ok. I said I would.

The next day I went with him and waited while he had it done. He was back there for a long time. I was starting to get a little worried. He finally came out after 2 hours or more. He said it only took a couple minutes to do it. The rest of the time he was waiting to have it done.

They only do them Friday and then they scheduled as many as they can back to back. They go from one to the other they are all there in their room or waiting area prepared they come in and do it. Then you are pretty much free to go in just a few minutes.

He came out he said they told him the other tube had been removed so there shouldn’t be any issues. He said they cut, burnt and clipped the one that was there. In two months he has to take a sample to the hospital and drop it off to be tested. As long as that comes back okay we will have the all clear.

It will be so nice not having to stress about accidentally getting pregnant again. I am so glad he agreed to go get it taken care of. I have been through so much this last pregnancy and have seen so many horrible stories of issues after wards. My sister was very messed up when they tied her tubes. I wasn’t going to do it. To much of a risk of them “nicking” other things why they are doing it. I figured I am 42 now I should be going through menopause soon I hope. With in the next 2 to 3 years. I know it’s later most the time but most I know did by 45/ 46. I don’t know.

His recovery was good he went to work Sunday and worked a full shift. He said he was a little sore but not to bad. He had a few times he just laid around for the day when he was off or got home but not much.i think it took about 2.5 weeks before he wasn’t having some kind of pain. But he didn’t use ice or anything and didn’t rest as much as he should of. It’s been over a month and he is fine.

Now to get the other part done in March and wait for results.

Since I was left with nothing to do that 2 hours he was back there I went online and found some things and posted them on his Facebook page for him.

There isn’t good service there so it took awhile to go through. We stopped at the store and headed home for him to rest. We were about halfway home and I guess he got good service again and his phone started going off. I had forgotten all about it.

In a minute he goes really? You really think you’re funny don’t you? Think you got jokes. I looked at him so confused was like what? I also did not know he had checked his phone so I really was confused. He goes the stuff you put up on my page. I busted out laughing.

He was like that isn’t funny. I said you left me alone all that time with nothing else to do. He said next time you are going back with me if I have to go to the doctor. I said you forgot they don’t let anyone go back with you and laughed. He said then I’m taking your phone with me and then he laughed. He wasn’t really mad just joking around. Little does be know what I found for when he gets the all clear in a few months haha.

Update 24 November/December 2022 Part 1/ Plain Ticket, Mom Comes For A Month

He wanted his mom to come down for Christmas but didn’t think she would and wasn’t sure we would be able to get her a ticket. But he asked her if we did if she would come? At first she wasn’t sure. She was worried about the kids up there, how they would get to/from school and who would be home with them. She had to think about it.

To start with he ask his brother if him and his family wanted to come they all could of drove down together. They all live together. none of them would of had to get a room. his brother and family could of stayed in oldest room. She had a queen bed and we had twin mattresses we could of put in there for the kids. His mom could of stayed in Little Bitty’s room. The two girls could of slept in middle sons room. He had a full size bed and a twin bed. girls could of shared the full he could sleep in the twin. So that was all taken care of. It would of cost them their gas to get here and home. But his brother didn’t want to do that and said no.

We ended up being able to get his mom a ticket to come down and he told his brother he would have to work out the kids why she was gone. He said okay. Then he told him he bought the ticket for right at a month. He just said okay.

She got her the 9th of December and went home the 3rd of January. It was a nice time for the most part. It was the first time she had been home for Christmas in 8 years. Since she left here and went up there.

Here sister got sick and was in and out of the hospital and had been put back in just a few days before she got here. The day after she got here I took her up to see here.

Here sister was so excited to see her then went right to telling her how she was going home the next day she needed someone to take care of her. Just basically telling her she was going to spend her time here taking care of her. Normally when she comes in the summertime she stays with her. But we paid for her to come and brought her down to spend time with JW and the baby. Not over there taking care of her the whole time and it was to give her a break from taking care of everyone. All she does at home. I didn’t say anything I just let them talk and stayed out of it. Figured I would wait to see what happened before I did. We got home and she called her sisters daughter and talked to her. She told her she had everything worked out already not to worry about it. I figured she should have she is the one here and would of had to anyway and didn’t know she was coming in until a day or so before.

Later after Christmas and everything she said something about her sister being mad at her and that she had hardly had anything to say to her since she left the hospital that day. Said she didn’t even talk to her when we were all there for Christmas right at her house. She ended up back in the hospital again when she was getting ready to leave. She went over and seen her the day she was leaving. After she had been home a few days she started talking to her again. I don’t blame her for not wanting to spend the month over there with her. Or take care of her, she is just like my mother or close to it. She did tell them if they needed her to she could come over some for a few hours or so to help but she wasn’t going over there to stay or take care of her the whole time she was here.

It was nice having her here but I was ready when she went home. Every time we walked out of the house she went with us. She can’t walk around for to long so she goes to the car or just rides and sits in the car. I feel like I have to rush or can’t go everywhere I need to because she is waiting. Me and him already have no time alone and that is the one time we get a little bit of time alone to talk about things we need to or what. We couldn’t do that. One time I did get mad and said something. I wasn’t trying to be nasty. But I think I was a little bit. I was tired it was late and I had to go get oldest from work. I had been trying to talk her him all day about something I can’t even remeber what. I asked him to go with me he said something. His mom said I will ride with you. He said oh ok mom can ride with you. I really don’t feel like it or something. I got a little aggervated and he could tell and asked what was wrong. I didn’t have to go by myself she was going to go with me. I said because I have been trying to talk to you all day about something and can’t get anytime alone to. He said something still didn’t really want to go and she said no it’s fine you two go I will keep the baby so you can talk or what. He didn’t like that then but he went. I had said when she said she would go I ask you to go. That is when he started about not wanting to and everything.

Why she was here she said something about the fridge door in the laundry room and how it open and not being able to get into it. I said I know some you can turn around. I said I didn’t want it there to start with and have asked him for over a year to turn it around. But just something else that never gets done.

He got so mad come through the kitchen telling me to shut up he didn’t want to hear my shit today. His mom was like what, why would you say that to her? He said something about I’m always complaining about shit or something like that. I said I wasn’t complaining she ask about the door I told her why it was like that, I just simply told her the truth. Wasn’t complaining. She said something about not letting things go and getting things done. I said I don’t go in there and use it. If I need something I have him get it or ask the kids. I do enough I refuse to fight with it.

Another time I was cooking and they were sitting in the living room talking and watching tv. I was messing with all this hot stuff and the baby kept getting under foot. I was worried he was going to get burnt and just needed to be able to move around quicker and get things done. No one wants to be putting up with someone running around in the way why they are trying to do something. It’s worse when everyone is sitting around doing nothing why you are and not helping get them out of the way. I finally hollered and ask if he would come and get him. I had already asked a few times and he would get him and let him come right back or just call him and never get him.

He comes off with have one of the kids get him. I was done, that just pissed me off to no end. That is what he loves to say about things, have the kids get him, have the kids help you, let the kids do it, have the kids do it. Seems whatever I ask at times. I yelled now and told him I was so sick of hearing let, have or get the kids to do something. If I wanted to have them do it all the time I would ask them and if I was going to ask them to do it all the time like he wanted I sure the hell did not need him here. I don’t know what his mom said but he got up and got him. I don’t think I heard anything about the kids again after that for a while. Then it was did I think the kids could or would.

Don’t get me wrong my kids can help but the thing is they do help, ALOT. They split up the household chores for the most part and clean their own rooms, do their own laundry. They also do extra here and there if I ask them too. But for him to expect them to do everything because he don’t want too. At the time he was working 10 to 15 hours a week mostly 10 sometimes 20. He helped cook dinner, wash ours and the babies clothes and take care of the baby when I was at work, that was about it. Most those things other than cooking or taking care of the baby he only did once maybe twice a week. I had the baby from the time I got off, took him to work, took oldest to work, took boys to kickboxing and little bitty to dance. Then I would pick them up from dance and boxing and go home. Do dinner or cook it then by the time I got done doing that and sat everyone down to eat I had to turn around and go get him from work and her from work. Most nights I did not get home until almost 11 at night. To eat myself, shower, and hopefully go to bed and get some sleep. But 9 times out of 10, I had to feed the baby before or while I ate, and then get him cleaned up. Then I would have to get his bath if he needed one get him changed and dressed for bed, make his bottle and put him to bed. Before i could shower and think about going to bed. If I said something to him he get nasty about how he had him all day or something. I would go to bed and did not get up at night to take care of the baby when he got up and if he didn’t go to bed I stopped staying up with him. I had to be up to early.

His mom would say I don’t know what is wrong with him and his brother this is not how I raised them they are just like their dad. She did say he did a lot more than his brother around the house. He won’t cook a meal wash a dish or a load of clothes. Said he won’t even carry her chair for her when they go to ball games for the kids or nothing. I said well he don’t have a choice but to help if he wants to be here because I am not doing it all why he sits. I am not waiting on him like he is a king. She said I don’t blame you.

It was a ruff month. I don’t know why I thin just the stress of the holidays, his hours being cut and me already having a hard time. Then someone else in the house all that time. I don’t like people in my house for long periods of time. A couple of days and I am ready for them to leave. Just the same I don’t like to be at other peoples houses at all and a day or two a way from home is more than enough most the time. If I go to visit someone I will stay at a hotel instead of staying with them. I need that space to go back to away from everyone and have down time. I also do not sleep when I stay with someone else. If I do I don’t sleep well. I wake up a million times.

Over all it was an okay time.

Update 25 December 2022 Part 2/ New Job and Divorced?

JW finally quit his new job he got after leaving the seafood place and got another one. The other was a joke, they cut his hours and weren’t paying him that much at all. They cut his hours on the days he could work then wanted him to work the days they agreed would be his days off when he went there. Then they would be like oh we need help on this day and it will give you extra hours. He was like well we do need the extra hours. I said no we don’t need the extra hours, we need them to give you the hours you are supposed to be getting on the days you are supposed to get them. Then if they needed you to come in once in a while to help and you were available that would be extra hours. I said but when they cut your hours just to try to force you to come in on your days off is not giving you extra hours. In order to get extra hours you have to of been given the hours you are supposed to have first. We are not playing that game. They do this and they are hoping you all will go oh yeah extra hours and jump on it. Thinking oh they are trying to give me extra hours. They aren’t.

He went to the little store over by where he use to live and talked to the manager there. The manager knew of him from us always going in there. He told him he would like to have him there working and could work with his days and hours. He said he could count on at least 30 hours a week probably more. He said he could give him $1 more an hour. But he could not start him until he quit at the other store because of them being competitor’s. He told him to come in the next day and apply and get his paperwork done. Let them know what his last day at the other store would be and he would put him on the next schedule after that. So that is what he did and went over there a week or so before Christmas. He fixed it so he worked a couple days that week so he would get a check his first payday there. Then after that he had 40 hours a week for a while. He gave him Christmas off as well. He told him he already had plans that we had flown his mom in and this was the first time she was here for the holidays in years. He said that was not a problem he had enough people who wanted to work. He did tell him if he would like to do an over night shift or late evening shift he could to let him know. Because they get time and a half for the holidays and an extra $1 an hour late in the evening and over night. He also started him at $2 more and hour than what he was making at the other store because of the experience he had.

So one night I went to pick him up and his mom went with me, we were sitting in the van talking. We were talking about how he just lets everything go and don’t do anything about anything unless he wants something different. But over all he just don’t worry about anything or take care of anything. He ignores it and whatever happens happens. She said I know he did it with something else and how she had to make him get a job when she went and got him and he moved back down here. She said did he ever get his divorce finalized? I said yeah, he said he did, he better have! Because as I am saying this I am thinking wait did he? Is he divorced? I said why? She said he was having some issue with it before I didn’t know if he did or not. He had to do this or that. Why she is saying this I am thinking even more and it is clicking that he isn’t divorced. I didn’t say anything.

But I thought about it his child support case said to establish child a child support order not to enforce one. If they were divorced there would of been one they would be enforcing it not establishing one. I thought about his ex and the guy she left him for, how they had been together for years. From the time they split or before up until a year or two ago. But they never got married. The way she is and if you are going to be with someone that long I would think they would of gotten married. I thought they said they had been engaged at some point so why didn’t they ever get married? Probably because she couldn’t. I came home and started looking for a divorce in the county where they lived and she still lives. I looked back for years and could not find one anywhere. All I could find was some one sued her or something.

That night when we went to our room and could talk away from everyone, I asked him about it, he said yes he got one. I asked if he had the paperwork? He said no, I said did you have a court date? Again he said no. I said then how do you know you are? He said she called and told me she was going to file it and take care of it all. I said did she send you any paperwork to sign for it. Again no. I said ok you are not divorced. He said yeah we are. I said no you are not. If you were then why did you not get any paperwork to sign, a court date or a final judgment? I don’t know maybe she listed it in the news paper. I said no she didn’t. I said I can tell you are not, because they established an order for support not enforce one, there is no court case for a divorce for you two anywhere in the county where you all lived or she lived and there isn’t one here because she can’t file here. He said he didn’t know or what he thought they were. I was not happy at all. I would of never gotten with him if I had known he wasn’t divorced. I would of told him no if he wanted to get together he better get it filed and finalized come talk to me when it was.

I was mad he could tell, he said what now your mad about that. I said yes I am, I wouldn’t of ever done this had I known. He didn’t say anything for a bit. I rolled over the other way and didn’t say anything. He said I can’t believe you are that upset about it, we haven’t been together forever we may as well be. Haven’t you ever dated someone that was separated before? I said no I have not and would not. I said the closes I have they had already filed for a divorce and was waiting on the court date. Oh he says. Then he says you are really that worried about it? What are you scared I am going to run back to her? I don’t want her we haven’t been together for almost 20 years. I said oh no I am not worried you are going to go back to her at all. Because if that is what you want and want to do I want you to go and she can have you. Because if that is what you want I don’t want you or to be with you. I don’t want to be with no one that don’t want to be with me or wants to be with someone else. You don’t have to be that way about it. I said what way? You are the one that said it, I am just telling you no if you want her or anyone else for that matter you can go. I love you but not enough to put up with that. He says then it isn’t a big deal or make a difference.

I said oh but yes it makes a huge difference and is a very big deal. I said you know if you got sick and couldn’t make desions for your self no one else can either. She would have to be called and she would have to make them. I said they may say if they do x, y, and z for you, you would be fine in a few days or a week. I said she could say nope I don’t want you to do that let him go. I said your other kids, your mother, me or anyone else would have no say in it. I said if something happened and you died, no one could do anything with you. She would have all say in what was done with you, If she wanted to take your bod and toss it on the side of the road or throw it in a field (Sarcastic we all know she can’t but the point) she could and again no one that should be deciding would have a say in it. Anything you have she would get.

I said you want to start a food truck or trailer, if you do something happen to you she would get it. Your kids, mom or anyone else. I said they could go to court fight it because you haven’t been together for so long. But that isn’t right to your kid or mother. I said or if we have anything together to me. I said your older children should have the way and they should get your things. He said something about she probably wouldn’t want anything or do anything. I said do you really believe that? I said look at how she done you already, you didn’t think she would do that either but here we are. I said and the worst in people come out when someone dies. I said I am not even worried about the baby. I said its the fact of the matter that she don’t need to have that kind of control over everything or the major things that have to do with you. I said and how would you feel if I told you all this time i was divorced and then 3 years later it comes out I’m not? You wouldn’t like it. No but it wouldn’t be a big deal. I said yeah it would.

I said that van out there isn’t mine and yours. He said what do you mean? I said it is mine, yours and hers. If something happen to you I would have to get her permission to do anything with it. I would have to give her part of the money from it if I sold it. No its your van. I said no it isn’t. It’s all of our van.

We talked some more and I just told him if he didn’t want to take care of it I wasn’t being with him. I just told him he had until the end of January to have everything printed filled out and filed. If he didn’t I was done.

Update 21 October 2022 Part 1/Broken Trust

Halloween I told you we went and trick or treated around the area by the little store JW worked at. We left the car there and walked around. When we were headed back he said he wanted to go in and get a drink. I said okay. I thought it was odd just the way he said it and acted. When we got back I wanted a drink and the kids were asking for one as well so we all went inside. He said something about that I just kind of commented back and went in.

The kids went to get their drinks and I got mine. I turned around and he was behind the counter over where the hot food was. You walk past it to get to the register, it’s all in one big row. He was holding the baby standing there talking to the lady working. She was at the other end ringing people up. I didn’t hear what he was saying but I seen him sit money on the little ledge of the counter by the hot food.

In a minute she came over and picked it up and he was turning to walk away as this was all happening. He seen me but I don’t think he knew I seen him lay it down there. We started walking down the front side of the counter where customers walk and are allowed. There was people in line we stopped over a little bit away from them she started talking to him again. She was saying something about tonight and he said no tomorrow. She kept on about Tonight and not being sure if she could get it he is kind of funny about things. He was trying to talk over her and get her to shut up. He was saying no tomorrow, tomorrow ,I will tomorrow when I get in. The kids had finished getting their drinks and headed to the car and I was just waiting listening to all this. A few more things were said he was trying so hard to get her to shut up and I know hoping I wasn’t catching all this.

we got the kids in the car and went home. I didn’t say anything because we did have the kids in the car. I try extremely hard not to fight or have a decisions Infront of the. That are about anything going on between us. Because Mr 12 gets upset if I am and he pays attention to things and starts asking questions and what’s wrong and things. I don’t want them worried about things and stress. Later that night we were in the bedroom changing or something and I asked him about it.

I asked him why he was giving her $20? He told me he didn’t. I said I watched you put it down and her come over and get it. I owed it to her? I said oh for what? He said because the other day his til came up short and she gave it to him to pay back. I ask him why he would borrow it because we had money. He wouldn’t of needed to borrow any money from anyone. Both our checks were put right in the bank so he had to go to the ATM and get money out. He could do that at any time right there at work. So even if he was short and needed money he could of got it in just a minute. No need to borrow any still.

I knew he was lying too because anything that happened at work he would tell me all about it when I picked him up. And he said it has been happening a lot lately. I said your short all the time and putting money back? He said no everyone has been being short. Again if this had been going on everyone is having this problem this is something he would of told me and people would not be putting the money in out of their pocket. no where does that. If it’s everyone they need to see who is stealing or what is wrong with their system that is causing everyone to be short. I pointed out to him he would of brought this up before now if this was going on. It’s just how he is.

He insisted and swore up and down he was telling her he would see her tomorrow not get something from her tomorrow. When I ask why she was bringing and him picking up. He swore he was telling her bye he would see her tomorrow. I said no you were not. I said she was telling you she would try to get it he should have it but she didn’t know if it would be tonight. I said then you were trying to get her to shut up and change the subject and kept saying you would get it tomorrow. He no no I wasn’t that isn’t true. Not what happened or what was said. I said I am far from stupid and I know very well what I watched and heard. You know you are standing here lying to me. He was all mad and telling me I was wrong. Then he started telling me just go to bed. I got the baby just go to bed. It wasn’t that late and any other time if I said anything about going to bed before the baby did he would have something to say about it he didn’t want to be around me because he knew he was lying. I was going to ask him more. I stayed up we were back in the other room. I didn’t say anything until later after we were around the kids.

We went to bed in a little bit and I asked him again about it. He was so mad. He kept insisting on what he told me was true. I told him if money is coming up missing from everyone’s til and they were having to pay it back it was time to find a different job. He started he wasn’t doing that. That was stupid it happened one time blah blah. I said well I am not taking you anymore. I can’t believe you want me to find a new job over my til missing$20 one time. I said one time and only $20 this time. I said so what happens next time when it’s$200 not $20? Then that shorts us for the week and that money comes out of our pocket. We are not doing that. He rolls over and says we’ll I’m not quitting.

I laid there for a bit and I said I hope that this is all worth what it is costing you. What is that supposed to mean? I said, just what I said I hope tonight and all this is worth everything it is costing you. Because you have just changed everything between us.

He says what is that supposed to mean? Why would you say that? I said because you did not give her money because your til was short now did you? And you have sat here and lied over and over lie after lie and told me I didn’t see what I seen or hear what I heard. Not only lied to me but called me a lier as well. I said again it wasn’t because your til was short was it?

He finally kind of just looked away and said no. She was getting me weed from her roommate. I said that’s what I figured.

I said do you know what this has done to use and caused between us? He said what do you mean? I said when we stood here earlier and you lied to me over and over again and called me a lier. I said tonight standing there everything changed. I felt like I was standing there Infront of my ex. I said he did this exact same thing to me. He just looked at me. He was saying he was sorry. I said sorry is not going to change what happened tonight.

I said you know I trusted you more than anyone I have been with. I said I was so comfortable with you. I wasn’t worried about anything with you. Tonight that all changed. The person standing in front of me tonight I don’t know. I don’t even know if I even want to be with you anymore. I don’t know how I even feel about you anymore. I said how am I supposed to ever believe you when you tell me anything again? When you blow such a little petty thing up into this and the fact that you would even lie to me about something so petty. If you can lie about something so small you have no problem lying about bigger things.

I told him when they said I was reinfected and we went to start treatment again. The day I went to see him at work and confronted him part of me wanted to believe him and kind of did. It bothered me he was set he hadn’t cheated and things. I went home and researched it. That is how I found out about there could be issues if the test were not done at the same place. I felt better about it, but still wasn’t giving the benefit of the doubt either and finding out he had done something. But I did tell him right away what I did find out and that we would have to wait and see what the results said. But that I did find there could be an issue. That I was leaning towards that being what happened.

I said if something like that was to happen now I wouldn’t believe you and would make you leave most likely. I said I am now always going to be questioning if you are telling me the truth in the back of my mind when you tell me something. He just kept telling me how sorry he was and how he didn’t want me to be mad at him is why he lied to me. I said but then when I told you I seen and heard all that you continued to lie to me. You didn’t think that was going to make me mad? I didn’t know what to do at that point because you were so mad and everything just happened so fast and I just didn’t want to fight.

He said later it shouldn’t be a big deal anyway it was just tips. It was extra money. That made me pretty mad. I said let me explain something to you. We have had an emergency, your hours have been cut way down. You do not have all of your part of the bills. I am making it up and I am short because we have had that emergency and I had to deal with it and make up what you don’t have. I have maxed out my credit cards. I should have money because I am Making enough to cover what I am supposed to and have extra and money in savings. I shouldn’t of had to do what I did because of the emergency I should of had my savings. You have no extra money. Until this is all paid and caught up and you are paying what you should be then you will have extra money. But until then it doesn’t matter where you get the money from, your first thought shouldn’t be I’m going to get weed, it should be let me put this towards what I owe.

Don’t get me wrong I knew he had been buying it. I had not said anything about it. Realistically he can’t put every dollar into the house and bills. He spent a little each week I didn’t say anything. Wasn’t like he was spending $100 or something. I go out to lunch a few Fridays a month with a group at work and I get my coffee every morning. We can’t not have a little to spend. My issue was the fact he tried to hide it to start with. Then caused such an issue about when asked about it. Like I said I already knew he was getting it so I would of been like oh okay. I wouldn’t of said anything because it wasn’t like the little bit he was spending was going to make or break us. I already knew. I figured what it was for but I simply asked and it turned into all that. That was the problem hiding it and lying about it when asked.

After that I was very tore and truly didn’t know what to do how to handle it or like I said didn’t know if I wanted him around. We were in the car going somewhere and he said something and he said I love you. I didn’t say it back said whatever I was saying. He looked at me with this look on his face and he said you must be really mad. I said what? He said I said I love you and you didn’t say it back. I told him I was hurt not mad. You could tell it really bothered him. He went on I was dropping him of somewhere. Later I told him we needed to talk. He said yes we did. We went and talked later.

After all that if he got a $1 tip or $20 in tips he was giving it to me when he got home. He would tell me here I have coffee money for you or I got this much today. Or tuck it in the spot we have in the car we keep just in case money if we get out need gas and forgot our card or want a drink or something. It’s between$10 and $20 most the time. So if there wasn’t any in there he would put it in there. whatever he did with it he told me about every dollar. He has only had weed once since then. It was some a friend he worked with gave him his last day at his old job.

I still right now to this day can’t say I trust him anywhere near what I did. I want to but I can’t. I don’t know if I ever will. It bothers me. Because there have been a few times since that simple stuff I have asked I spend to much time thinking to myself is he lying to me or not. I don’t feel he is telling me the truth. But then I have to question if I am questioning it and feel that way because of what happened or because I really think he is lying. Like once I even wanted to go through his things to see if he was lying. I did not like the way that made me feel. I don’t want to go through anyone’s stuff or feeling like I need to. Then being upset with myself for not doing it. But I don’t want to be that person and if you make me that person is it worth being with you? We are working on things and hopefully can get to a better place even if it isn’t what it was before.

Update 19 August/September 2022 Georgia on My Mind

I was stressed from everything going on being so sick the the new baby and just over all trying to get the house put together everything unpacked. (It’s still not). I just needed a break. I decided to take a weekend trip. I was going to go to South Carolina to see my friend J. But then I started thinking about JW’s kids and them not seeing the baby yet. He hadn’t seen them since COVID and his youngest daughter’s graduation.

His birthday is in October so I decided to take a trip up to see them. As an early birthday gift, but it was going to be a surprise. I let him think we were going to my friends still. I took about a month to plan and get everything straight. I told the kids and told them not to tell him or anyone. Because I know his mom has a big ass mouth and can’t keep shit to herself.

I decided we would go up where his two younger kids live since we had been talking about moving up to that area or close by. His oldest is just less than 2 hours a way in Tennessee. She said she would come over and get a room for the weekend. We got it all set up I let them know at work and told him to let them know. We were leaving on Thursday night driving straight through the night and get there Friday morning. I wanted to have the weekend up there and to drive through the night so the baby would sleep.

Then his oldest tells me she can’t come she doesn’t have money for the room. I wasn’t sure what to do about her I told her to wait not cancel it. Let me get back with her about it. I figured things out and was able to pay for her room as well. She said soon as she had it she would give it back to me. I haven’t seen it yet. But that’s okay, if we do it again or something again she “don’t have the money” I am just going to tell her sorry we will miss her and leave it at that. If she comes she comes. If not okay.

JW took the wrong day off he took off Friday Eve thought he doesn’t work Fridays. I sent him messages over and over telling him the day he swears he called me and ask I told him Friday. But why didn’t him or his job question it when he doesn’t work Fridays? I am positive I told him the right day because it was important that he have the day we left off. I wanted him to help pack the truck and things. I also wanted him to sleep some so he could drive first or shortly into the trip, I had been up since 5 am so I knew I would be tired earlier than him. He didn’t and didn’t try to change it.

As I said the shop had my truck and got nothing done. I didn’t even have my truck when I was heading to drop him off at work I was trying to figure out what to do. I was so tired and stressed. I was telling him I needed his help and to please just call in. I never ask him to call unless it was something we really needed to take care of or I just really needed him. I had ask him to take extra time off when I had the baby because of how sick I was before and after and needing to get the house cleaned out. He got mad he was mad this night too.

He started telling me it wasn’t his fault things weren’t done and that he had to work. Telling me how I could take care of it all and laid the truck and everything else that had to be done to go. I was telling him I just needed help, I needed him with me. He just acted like a dick. I was so upset and hurt I was screaming going down the street on the way to take him to work. Mind you at the time I was dealing with horrible post Partum depression. He just didn’t get it he said I was being selfish and just get the kids to do it. I lost it when I was screaming at him I said do you know where we are going? He said yeah to see your friends you wanted to take this trip I will just stay home I don’t even want to go with you. I said no we aren’t going to see my friend, he insisted we were. I said no we are going to see your kids. He said no we aren’t we are going to see your friends. I said no that’s what I told you but we aren’t we are going to visit your kids so they can meet the baby and you can see them as an early birthday gift. He just looked at me and was like well all this isn’t my fault. You are taking it out on me. I said no it isn’t your fault it isn’t mine. I am not saying it’s anyone’s I didn’t expect this. But I am telling you all this happened unexpectedly and fault aside, and planned or not I am telling you I need help and asking you to please help me. He just went to work. Never said anything about the fact we were going to see his kids or anything.

I wanted to say fuck it and not even go, but I did want to get away and relax. I wanted to check things out. I asked the girls what there was to do around there and told them I didn’t want to go do a bunch of like tourist like stuff but I didn’t want to go and sit in the motel all weekend either. Just get out do whatever. They said okay.

I picked him up from work we got gas and things and got on the road by about 11. Not even sure my truck was going to even make it. I drove up to Jacksonville let him drive up into Georgia and took over again. I had to stop not to far up the road from where we stopped to eat and I took over. I just couldn’t hold my eyes open and kept going off the road.

I stopped at a rest area and took about a 30 minute power nap went to the bathroom and we got back on the road. once it got day light we were in bigger area with a ton of traffic I had him take over. The rest of the way about an hour or two.

We got to the motel around 10 and his daughter was already there. We couldn’t check in so we went to get breakfast. I ended up paying for all their meals her and the boyfriend all weekend. Dinner for everyone two nights. We didn’t do anything other than go shopping to get things we needed why we were there. Someone said something about the flea market we could of went there or took the baby to the park or anything but no. The younger two kids we seen for maybe 2 hours why we were there all together they worked and had stuff to do.

I said something to JW about just sitting in the motel he was like there is nothing to do around here. I said there is something I’m sure. What about the flea market and things in a town or so away? We passed a bunch of stuff. So Sunday after we checked out of the motel we went picked his ex wives step dad up and went to the flea market. He found out JW was there and he wanted to see him and the baby. So his son went to pick him up we followed him because we had to follow him to the flea market. I seen where he use to live up there before he came back here. I didn’t care we picked him up he went with us. He was nice the baby liked him. Everyone said they were much closer to him than their grandma. He liked the baby and told him to have us bring him back him JW would take him fishing like they did JWs other son when he was little. He told JW he better treat me right and take care of me he did good and he was happy to see he was doing so well and happy.

Once we left the flea market we said goodbye to everyone and left. I wanted to find some other things to do close by and travel home in the night like we traveled there. I wanted the baby to sleep. He insisted we needed to get home we both worked the next day me early at 6am. I was fine but he was worried about it. We got few towns down and stopped for a bit and got us some lunch. I wanted to get something decent because we been having breakfast stuff and fast food for dinner in the evening. We stopped at Applebee’s.

The rest of the trip we stopped a couple little places for a few minutes. Mostly just to calm the baby because he was horrible on the way home screaming none stop it seemed like. A 9 to 10 hour trip took almost 18 hours.

Over all I am glad they got to meet the baby and he got to see his kids. But if I had it to do over again I wouldn’t do it again. I would of went to South Carolina and seen my friend. It would of been a much more relaxed trip and enjoyable. But they all had a good time I guess.

Are We To Broken 💔

JW and I have had a lot of up’s and downs over the last year. I feel like it’s way more downs than up’s. I don’t like the way I feel, I truly love him in love with him but I don’t know how much more I can take. I feel we are so badly broken that we can’t come back together again. I feel like because of me being sick as soon as we moved in and not being able to help with the move or anything else and then everything that comes with having a new baby we haven’t been ourselves since we got here. Things should be getting easier with the baby and they aren’t. He doesn’t want to sleep at night me getting up so early and now JW has to too. Nights are stressful and lately if we get a night or even a few minutes alone is a fight to get. Then the stress between us is so high and words have been said we hardly have any thing to do with each other. We lay in bed on our sides and do stuff on our phones. I try to keep it to a few minutes not long but give him time to lay down destress then I put mine up and try to have some time with him. He will play another 20 minutes or more. By then I am passing out.

There is a lot more going on too but I think the stress of the baby over all is really impacting things. I try I try really hard but I’m having a hard time with him still he doesn’t get that, he acts like I’m a horrible person because I am having a hard time right now. That I feel horrible because of it and his attitude doesn’t make it any better.

Last night the two middle kids took the baby for a while to play with him and watch him so we could lay down and relax. I went to get a shower he never came in. I got out he got in. I laid down he finally came to bed. I set my alarm and laid the phone on the nightstand and rolled over to him. He set his alarm put the phone down and never even looked at me wrapped up in his blanket and ignored me. I laid there a few minutes and just scooted over rolled over and went to sleep. in the night at some point he came over and put his arm around me. But what’s that the way things are and he did when we laid down.

I just don’t know I am so tired and we can’t get on a schedule because his hours are never the same. I don’t even know if I want things to be better or if I want them to be done and him out. Deep down I want us but I don’t feel he does really. I feel he settled. I hate that feeling. I don’t know if it is me because of the way things are or what anymore.

Update 13 February 2022 Cheated On

Shortly after the baby came from NCIU I received a call from the lady from the health department. She says that I needed to come in and get retreat. I was very confused because we had done two test since last year after we finished treatment and we were fine. I asked why she said you have been reinfected. I was like what how? She said you would of had to be with someone who had it again. I said I have been to sick I haven’t been with anyone and I am still with JW so I wouldn’t be anyway. She said then he would have to of been reinfected again and gave it to you. I set up for us to be tested and treated again and hung up.

Now last year when we found out that I had this and I caught it from him, I never thought for a minute that he must of cheated or was cheating on me. My thought was he must of had it when we got together and didn’t know. Never questioned him nothing. Just let’s get this taken care of. And that is what we did and we went on.

When I got that phone call and she said I had it back and if I had not been with anyone else I had to of gotten it from him and he had to of been with someone and caught it again. I was pissed. He was at work and still had hours before he was going to be home. I got the baby ready told the kids I would be back in a little bit and went straight to his job. I didn’t even know if they were busy or not and I didn’t care. I had done made my mind up we were going to talk regardless they would have to deal with it. I pulled up and about that time he came out around the building from the back. He had come out to smoke.

I don’t even know what I said to him but I started questioning him what was going on who he had been seeing and for how long. He was like what are you talking about I haven’t. So then I asked him why I had this back and was having to go get treated again? He swore up and down he didn’t know and I had to of gotten it some other way and all this. I said no this is the only way to get it I haven’t been with anyone else at all since before we got together. That he knew how sick I was and that I had hardly been with him. He said he had been there at the house with me and the kids or at work he couldn’t have been doing anything all this. I said what about all the time since we were tested and you were still living over there and I don’t know what you do here all day. Because I know his buddy there will take off and leave for an hour or two half the day and come back no one says anything. I don’t know if he isn’t doing the same and telling me he is at work or when he would just stop talking for hours or the whole night before when he was still living at his place.

He just kept saying he didn’t do anything he promised on his life the baby he did not cheat on me. Do I think he would promise like that on baby if he did? I said I don’t know what you would do I didn’t think you would cheat on me but here we are. And as sick as I was and you would do that. I said that is low. I was surprised he didn’t get mad or yell he just kept telling me he loved me he wasn’t like that and wouldn’t do that. He didn’t want to lose me and the baby and he had that done to him twice he would never do that to someone. I was over listening to him and told him he better go get treated again and tell his who or whatever to get treated too and left. I had to go back later to pick up oldest because she was working there with him so I picked him up too. He kept telling me he didn’t do it he didn’t know what happened. I said well I guess we will know once we go to get treated and tested again. But I already been tested and this is what it says. That is how the baby got it. I said you know it’s pretty bad you would do this to me and risk my health like that but it’s sick you would risk the babies life like that. He was saying he would never do that and never put either of our health at risk and everything.

We didn’t talk much for the next few weeks. We went got tested and treated again. We still weren’t talking much more than if we had to. He tried to get close and things a few times at night I was like nope don’t touch me stay over there on your side of the bed. I could tell that really bothered him. But I didn’t care this was no ops I broke your phone or something this was much more.

I did some research and things about this std and the test and everything I could find out about it. I found something that said if the test were not preformed by the same place and sent to the same place as the first they could show very different results. That even if they were done by the same lab but different places did the test it could be different.

When I went to be treated and tested again I brought it up to the lady and she thought it was odd and said she never heard that. She said one other nurse there said she thought she read somewhere that after birth your numbers could rise and then go back down. But they had been researching it as well and could not find any info about it being wrong or different for any other reason than being reinfected. She said they were going to look into it more too. Then she said when she read the babies info she didn’t know why they sent him to NICU or treated him because his numbers compared to mine the way they do them was low. That is probably why they didn’t keep him 7 or 8 days like they were going to. But she still didn’t know about mine why they were so high. So they tested and retreated. Said she would let me know when mind came back in.

after what seemed like forever the nurse called me back with my test results. She said I don’t know what is going on or what happened, but you were not reinfected. She said your numbers are fine you are concerned not to have it. If you had it at the hospital and you been 2 or three weeks with out treatment your numbers would be extremely high it goes up very quickly. She said I did not need to come in for the next two rounds of treatment. She said she would call him when his came back let him know what it said but she didn’t think they would be anything to worry about either.

I felt bad for accusing him of cheating but what am I supposed to think when there is only one way to catch it? I know I hadn’t been with anyone. I told him over and over I was sorry. He said he understands he wouldn’t do that he knows how it feels it’s been done to him. He would never put mine and the babies health at risk. That he was just as confused as I was because he didn’t think I had done anything.

I didn’t want to believe he had done anything but again like they said only one way you can get it. I kinda had to think he did. Something just bothered me about it that is why I researched it so much to see what I could find out. I thought of another way or two I wondered about. I wanted to see what it said about that. It said no but I did find the information about the test.

I am just glad it didn’t come between us or cause a bigger issue for us. He had every right to be mad and upset about it. But he knew how sick I had been, then the issue with them taking the baby to NICU and me going back to hospital and then having baby home and all that comes with that.