Single___Parent___Life











{June 6, 2020}   Another Horrible Thursday

Why does everything happen on Thursday? Maybe I should skip Thursday from now on.

Me and J.W had a talk finally. It wasn’t a good time but it just happen, I couldn’t really help it. I went over and was laying there. He was back and forth between being awake and a sleep. Normally I will sleep an hour or so once I get there. I just could not get comfortable I guess you could say. I just kept thinking about what is going on and a small conversation we had a few hours before. I finally got up went sat on the couch. I covered up with a sheet he had out there was sitting there doing stuff on my phone. I knew it wasn’t the right time to say something and I just couldn’t lay there next to him anymore and not.

He came out there wanted to know what was wrong. I said I was thinking or something. He wanted to know why I came out there. He got a little aggravated I didn’t say anything. Finally I said something. A lot was said it is hard to remember everything that was. It happen so fast we had to get to work and things. We left 30 minutes late even because I wasn’t leaving in the middle once it was started.

He said I was acting this way because we didn’t have sex in the morning? That he just wasn’t into it or had to get ready or what. I said no its we hardly at all and then maybe every 5th time I enjoy it kind of. Any other you jump up in the middle go on. Your done that’s it everyone is if not to bad.

He started no I don’t what do you mean stop in the middle? Then looks at me and says story of my life I can never please you. Wow that went through me. I said what really you can never please me? Fine don’t worry about it if that is how you feel. Maybe us isn’t a good idea after all if that is how you feel. I didn’t know I was so hard to please and keep happy.

No no that isn’t how I meant it. We been together what 5 or six months now I’m just not use to things they are different than what I am use to. I said so what is wrong if I am doing something wrong tell me. I had already ask him to start with if i did something or said something or if this was because of what I told him. He kept saying no nothing was wrong I hadn’t done anything he was happy with me. So I said what are you not use to? Because I didn’t know I was doing anything. He said the way you treat me. I’m not use to it. I said what do you mean I don’t treat you no way. How do I treat you? He said good, really good okay. I’m not use to it i have dealt with a drunk for the last 8 years who treated me like crap didn’t care about me. Sex was alright get off me leave me alone.

We kind of went in circles and I finally got up to leave. I didn’t want to be late he already was. We got to work he said have a good day, see you later. I said yeah a good day I guess so. He said again why you going to be that way? Nothings wrong. Something about sex in the morning. He said bye got out.

I messaged him said how out of this whole conversation do you get that what is wrong is you don’t want to have sex in the morning? And that there is nothing wrong?

How are you aggravated with me because I’m not happy? Then turn around and tell me story of your life you can never make me happy. Like I bitch or complain all the time.

He said he wasn’t aggregated then said wow you are going to be like that.

I said what you said it not me. One thing one thing ever I am unhappy say something about that is what you say to me.

I told him I feel like there is this huge hole in our relationship. That I am so happy with us otherwise. That I wasn’t trying to attack him or make him feel bad. I have never dealt with this before I am the best I can. I told him I love him care about him. Our relationship. That if I didn’t i wouldn’t of said anything I would of just walked away.

He finally replied and said he loves me and cares about me. How sorry he was for making me feel this way.

I told him

I know sometimes you can’t or things happen once we start. Like we talked about the other day. You say you don’t know or why what’s wrong. I feel like you think that is what I am upset about or mad about maybe why your so upset with me over the way I feel. But I promise you that isn’t the issue or why I am mad at all. I understand. That i just want to figure things out so we can both be happy.

Because he still never brought it up. But I also got the feeling that is what he thinks I am really upset about. It isn’t easy for him to talk about it.

He said he knew and he wanted to too. He told me again he loved me.

We talked a little more after work when I picked him up. We sat there on the couch talked about different things. That some. I was getting ready to go said something about making a vet appointment for the dog and a doctor’s appointment for Little Bitty.

He said yeah I need to find a doctor and something about getting his arm checked out. Then he said go get everything checked out. See what is going on. He pulled me over to him.

I got in the truck it was starting to rain. He said man I was so worried about you this morning after you dropped me off and left for work. He said it was raining bad. You were so upset. He said I was glad when you said you were at work.

I do think he is happy and that he really does care. I think this is just a hard subject to talk about for a lot of people and then him to have the other issue makes it worse. No one wants to hear there are issues.

I think I know where the story of my life can never please you or what thing came from. I thought of it later. His ex wife cheated on him. He came home from work sick and caught them. He worked over nights. Then he told me this last on cheated on him with other guys and women. Drank and was nasty on top of it. All his friends talk about how she is and was and why he stayed so long.

I don’t know what happen between him and the two of them other than that. He don’t talk about it. But i am guessing if they both cheated this is probably why. I don’t know what lead to that if they talked about there being an issue, fought about it or how it was handled. If it was maybe they just cheated. I could see the last one being nasty about it. I don’t know his ex wife to have any idea how or if it came up what was said or done. Before she cheated. I mean he in his 40 now its not easy to talk about i can imagine how it was with his ex in his 20 30 to have issues. I can see him getting defensive and bothered by it. I honestly didn’t think about them cheating on him and things. How things may have been handled in the past.

But i don’t want to cheat and I don’t want it to be an issue between us. This is why I brought it up. But I am sure it brought more than just us up. But I was surprised when he said he needed to go to the doctor and get everything checked out and taken care of. I think like he said I do treat him good and he knows I care about him. I am not just trying to fight or nit picking over things. Yesterday Friday when I was there before work we were laying there talking and things.  He said I want to make you happy in all areas of our relationship. Not just some. He was sorry about the last few days and things.

Like he said I think our situation right now makes things a little harder as well. I agree with that to a point. I think things changing will help but I don’t think it’s going to make it 100% better. I think it is going to be something we have to work at and it is going to be an on going conversation and work. But I think it is something he will be more open to. He see’s I do care and I’m not wanting to fight or just walk away. That I understand and care.

I feel a lot better since we talked.



As you all know from my other post I feel this whole shut down was uncalled for. If they had not done it there would be no need for these checks. But it is only right that if the government is going to randomly shut everything down or close to everything down for no good reason they should have to do something to help the people out. And really this isn’t even a drop in the bucket compared to how much people are really losing over all this. But it is better than nothing.

But they should not tell people one thing and do something else. When they first signed everything and said it was going to happen they said that everyone would get them no matter what as long as you met the income limit. They brought up people who owed back taxes, student loans, child support and other things they normally take tax money for. They said no this was not affected by that. They were not taking them you would get them.

Because I said to J.W. that they would probably take his for back support he owes. He said no they said they said we would get it because of what is going on they are trying to make sure everyone gets what they need. He was planing on trying to get a car with it. Or at least pay and fix his license and put the rest up for a car. He was excited because it would help him get ahead some. Not have to borrow money or save forever to do it. I told him I would pay to get his license if he wanted to put it toward a car and just pay me back weekly or monthly. Because I was taking a chunk of mine putting in savings for rent. His boss will let him borrow money but she charges him all this interest on it. This way he isn’t paying that and wasting money and can get it paid off quicker. He wants to buy his cousin who pasted away last years truck from his aunt. But she won’t take payments because one of the other kids did that and never paid her for the car. I can understand that. But there is not point in having the thing if he can’t drive it and it don’t need to sit for to long either. It isn’t a lot to get his license back either. It would help him, he has helped me and others have helped me as well. I am in a spot I can help someone then I will. Just a lot more careful about it than before.

Anyway today I went over and seen him before he had to go to work. He went Easter shopping with me. We stopped at the little store to get coffee and some how checks came up because they should be coming out this week. He said that he isn’t getting one now, they have decided to take them for back support owed. He wasn’t happy I don’t blame him.

We went on finished getting our coffee and got in line and I thought of it. If they are doing that then I will get $1200 extra because Father of the Year owes almost $6000 in back support. I looked at him and said that means I will get extra. I was kind of excited about it but not that he wasn’t getting any but that father of the year is sitting there thinking he is going to get this check for doing nothing after he has everything else handed to him and now he isn’t getting it.

J.W. didn’t like that, he got a little aggravated I think. I don’t blame him I really wasn’t trying to sound excited or rub it in. It was just one of those things where you think of something and it is like oh yeah wow or duh I’m just thinking of that. He said I’m getting nothing and your getting it or getting extra. I said hey now I am not getting yours, I have nothing to do with why you are not getting yours. He said I know that isn’t what I mean. I said my situation and yours are two different things. I feel he should get his, should Father of the Year get his no.

Out of 4 cases mine and three others I know about personally who involve child support they do not handle any of it like they should. They let people like Father of the Year skate by and do nothing to him and then ones who are paying or trying to pay do right they make it harder on. You all see how they have done my case and how it has taken them 7 years to even order a dna test on RC.

Then there is J.W case who had an agreement with his ex and was paying who they stepped in and decided that wasn’t good enough or what. Changed it up he wasn’t able to make the payments they wanted him to make so now he is behind. They went to his house and picked him up on his way out the door to go to work and arrested him until someone paid to get him out. He owes no more current child support, just what he is behind and they are still taking his taxes every year and now his check like this.

Then there is my boss who is over paid in support his ex owes him and they keep taking money every pay day out of his check and sending in. They told him they won’t stop taking it out they will just hold it and send him a refund every 3 or 4 months. That is his money that is money he don’t owe and could use but they are going to take it and hold it for no good reason until they decide to give it back to him. He has been to court and everything else over it. The judge ordered it stopped. They did for like a month or two and started again. Because they didn’t like the wording the judge used. Even though they can see that he is paid ahead for x amount of time and the order says it is and that it needs to stop. He was still going around about it a few moths ago. I seen the order and things because he was using the computer at work to type a letter up and send them trying to get it stopped again.

Then there is Bff’s he pays when he wants and what he feels like paying. He is behind now and the only reason he is paying at all now is because it got to the point they were going to take his drivers license away and he would lose his CDL. He don’t want to lose that because he will lose his job. He is an over the road truck driver. So he pays just enough to keep his license and that is it. They don’t care and do nothing to him over it. Let him get away with it.

I know that Father of the Year did not file taxes in years so he will get a paper check so I don’t know how long it will take for them to send it and for me to get it. But I don’t care, it will help whenever it comes. I forgot until I talked to Bff that she owes back support as well so they aren’t going to get anything at all.

I guess it isn’t so much the checks as again the child support office who picks and chooses who to do what to and don’t go after the real deadbeats.



{February 19, 2020}   Figured Something’s Out

After I finally told him Monday night what happen, why I am disconnecting, shutting down and having a hard time all really started to make since. Two and two went together all of a sudden. I knew when I was with my friend I was doing it to a point but didn’t really think much of it or worry about it. It wasn’t causing any issues. But with Jw things are different. I want that connection, closeness, and bond that should be there between couples. Not something that just feels like a hook up or what.

Before I get into the things I figured out let me go back to before things happened the way they did with father of the year. So that things make a little more since.

I was a little shy and embarrassed the first times or so. I wouldn’t be undressed in front of whoever I was with, I would get undressed and cover up if the lights were on or it was lit up in the room. I would wait until it was dark and get undressed. Then I would get dressed once they went to the other room or grab my stuff and go to the bathroom.

That was short lived thankfully, because it just hit me one day. You can get undressed and have sex with them and your good enough for that but scared what they might think or say if they see you naked? What since does that make? Your fine with your body and the way you look. If they have a problem with that then why are you doing anything more with them? So then after that I didn’t really think anything of it after that.

With that said I have always been very open to trying new things, exploring, and vocal. I say let’s try this, do this or don’t do this, I don’t like that, let’s try this instead. Talk dirty to each other just what we felt like doing or was comfortable doing. Sometimes that might just be moan. But I never thought twice about it or felt funny or worried about what the person I was with was going to say, do or think about it. Nor did I ever think anything of what they did or said. We were both just enjoying it. We be together or sometimes in our own little worlds or zones but still aware of what the other was doing or what. If that makes since.

Then with father of the year and his I’m his wife and its my place blah, blah bullshit things changed. Each time I became more and more distant, disconnected and shut down. The only things I could do to keep from crying through it all and to keep from feeling it or being a part of it or involved is more what I am looking for.

Ì noticed with Jw if I am laying on my back he is on top of me and holding himself up on his arms or legs it bothers me. I will tell him lay down relax, get comfortable. He won’t. He says he don’t want to put all his weight on me, he don’t want to hurt me. I tell him it os fine he isn’t going to hurt me. Honestly it feels good to me. It is comforting to me. I wasn’t sure why really. I just knew it bothered me for him to be over me like that but felt good if he laid down. Even if we are just laying there talking he will do that talk to me, kiss me or what playing around. It bothers me.

But thinking about it and everything that has went on it hit me. Father of The Year would get up over me and be like that when he would get mad and I was telling him no. So that i couldn’t move or what. When Jw does that I guess it triggers those memories. That is why I start to with draw or shut down.

But when or if he lays down and relaxes, it is comforting and a grounding type thing for me. I feel safe or that everything is okay. I don’t have to be on edge or expecting the worse I guess. I haven’t said anything to Jw about it yet. I haven’t said anything about anything that I have thought of or figured out yet. It’s been something we haven’t talked about and skirted around since we talked that night. There just hasn’t been a right time or good time the last few nights.

Something else I figured out was that I’m not vocal in anyway anymore really. We joke and laugh about being a “starfish” or what but that is how I feel. I stopped being vocal when all that was going on then when I was with my friend all those years there was almost always people around or coming and going and kids around so we were always pretty quiet then.

Now I start to be and I catch myself and stop myself. I think, is that okay to do? Is he going to say something? Get mad? Does he like that or will he? Is he just going to say I shouldn’t be doing that?

In my head I am telling myself it is fine not to worry about it. He isn’t going to think anything of it and probably like it. Of course now I’m all in my head instead of into what is going on and get all worried about that and it snowballs from there. Then I find myself thinking I wish he just finish already because now I’m not into it and now am I messing things up for him. On and on.

He likes different ways and things and will say lets try this or do this. I have no problem with that but then I feel self conscious if something happens or if I feel I’m not doing what I should be. Even though there isn’t always something to do.

If something happens or it seems he isn’t enjoying it or what I feel like I have done something wrong or not doing something I should be. I will ask him sometimes what je wants me to do or wants to do. I will do it. But lately i have noticed I am having a lot of pain with different things we have tried. I think it is a combination of a few things. The time of the month the fact my uterus is tilted and the fact I am having a hard time relaxing and just enjoying it.

He said the other night he is still nervous to a point as well and not real sure about things either. Because of the normal someone knew getting to know them and what they like or are okay with and just really learning each other and forming that bond or what ever you want to call it. I told him I in the same situation but also dealing with this on top of it. Again he just kept saying he understands not to worry about it, we can take our time, take things slow, figure out how to work through it. That it don’t change anything between us or how he feels. He still wants us. This isn’t going to run him off or scare him away. That he is sorry if he has done anything. I just keep telling him no because he hasn’t it’s me not him.

After thinking about it all and realizing the things I have. I figured out my biggest problem is not getting into it and stopping myself or holding myself back. I want to get into it and enjoy it like I use to. That bothers me the most and I feel that I need to get through first. The other things are things that if I am into it and have that connection aren’t really a problem.

When I was with RC, I didn’t have the same kind of problems. With him the main problem I had was just being all into it and then all of a sudden just shut down and not be able to do anything. Even though I wanted to. Other than that I didn’t have any problem when we were doing things.

But I’m really not sure how to handle it or what to do in order to work through it. I have even thought about trying to go back to counseling but I just don’t know how that is going to work because I don’t have insurance and haven’t had time to now when I wanted to.



{February 19, 2020}   Finally Had To Tell Him

As you know the other week I was going to go talk to Jw after work and tell him how damaged I am. All the shit I have been through and things that have happened to me. Because surely if he found out that one thing he wouldn’t stay and then I would know. I would know I was wasting my time like I did on all the rest. I would know he was lying and just saying what he felt I wanted to hear. I wouldn’t be wasting my time anymore or stressing over all the extra stuff since he came in the picture. But as you can read in my post damaged he was pretty sick and I wasn’t going to talk to him about all that at the time. I felt bad for him because he was miserable and I knew he wouldn’t be listening anyway. I couldn’t blame him.

Well early last week things ended up going a little further than expected one night and we have been together a few times since. The first night he was really nervous, in turn made me nervous. Mostly just again wondering if we were doing the right thing us being together over all. How it just seems odd or not real. He was in his last relationship for 8 years he said it been a while since he been with someone new or another women. It made it hard for me to get into at first but after a little bit we both relaxed.

The next time was alright but I had a hard time. It wasn’t really anything to do with him. More me and I couldn’t figure out why or what was bothering me so much.

Last night was horrible, I was into it and wanted to and then everything started happening. I just started shutting down and fighting disconnecting. We ended up just stopping. He could tell something was really bothering me and that something was wrong. He kept asking and saying he was sorry asking if he done something. I told him no that it wasn’t him it was me. We just laid there with him holding me, finally I just told him. I did not know what to say

I just told him it has been about 8 years or more since I was in a relationship but that I had a friend in that time. That being with someone in that way isn’t the same as being with someone in a relationship for me anyway.

That when I was with my ex husband before we got divorced things happened. That because of that I tend to disconnect and shut down. That I haven’t been in a relationship to know how things were going to go or work through it. I don’t know what is really wrong even but figured some things out.

He just pulled me close and didn’t really say anything. He was just quiet for a bit. He started to say something and stopped. I said I know you probably don’t know what to say, I don’t want you to say anything or looking for you to. He said I don’t know what to say. He said it’s alright you didn’t tell me sooner. He said it don’t change how I feel about you, or how I look at you. He said we will work through it. I still love you and I’m not going anywhere. I’m glad you told me and want to help you. We will figure out things together and I told you anytime you need or want to talk I am here.



{January 15, 2020}   Back to Back Court Dates

Today I was bored and nothing was going on so I decided to check child support site. I checked my case with RC and it said they issued a court date yesterday.

I looked on their site and it didn’t show. I went to the clerk of courts and it did not come up on there either. The one for father of the year still is not showing up either. I have not received a letter for it.

I went back to the child support case and clicked to chat with someone there. After a million tries I was finally able to. They were kind of rude but finally said court was at 12 in the north court house. We have to be there on 3/2.

I was a little confused because these cases are held in the South court house. But then I remembered that this case has to go infront of the judge to start with because of the DNA and all that. So I guess they handle it in the north court house. I am sure it will end up in the South once it is all done.

The north court house is much closer and easier to get to so I don’t mind. The South one is over 30 miles away and I have to be there at 8:30am. The drive sucks and takes forever with work and school traffic.

I am not worried about the one with RC. I am sure he will probably phone in since he is up there. But even if he wasn’t the thought of seeing him don’t bother me.

But I am dreadding the one with Father of the Year. I do not want to be around him or see him again. I hate that sick panic fight or flight feeling I had once he got there. I think my friend JW is going to go with me. We were talking about it today he said something about he hoped I didn’t feel that way this time or something. I said me too but I figure I will. I was going to ask my friend to go but I have not talk to him in a long time. I think he is mad at me. I said I will suck it up go and find a little spot between two people to sit. That’s what I done before.

He asked when it was I told him. He said he could go with me if I wanted him to. I told him he did not have too but it would be nice that I didn’t want him to get in trouble at work. He said he wouldn’t he wanted to go with me. I hope he can go. I really do not want to be there alone. I don’t know anyone else to ask to go with me. Bff said she would but she did last time then didn’t. She has to have kids to school and things as well I don’t know how she would go.

It’s really nice of him to offer to go with me seeing he has to miss work and pay to do it. I will pay him what he missed once I get the behind amount I’m owed. I know he don’t want it or expect it. But it means a lot to me and I want him to know.

I know it probably sounds stupid that I don’t want to go alone or that I want him to go with me. It’s court, but I can’t help the way I feel. I shouldn’t have to go do this and feel that way while trying to do it. I hardly ever well really never have anyone help me or with me as support. Sometimes we all need that emotional or moral support when we have been through things. Abuse is a huge thing to go through come out of and not have some issues from it. If this is the worst I need help with then I think I am doing really fucking good and proud of myself for working through the bulk of it. I was even considering asking my one boss from my day job to go with me. That is how bad I have been dreading it.



{January 10, 2020}   Court Round 2 Finally

I have been looking at the clerk’s site and child support enforcement to see when my court date is since they posted last week that they were sending a date in the mail. They have not updated them. That isn’t normal because the clerks site is updated daily and a few times a day most the time. Anytime something is done someone is updating it.

I contacted child support yesterday evening before I left to go to my other job when I could finally get through. They said that my court date is Feb the 26th at 8:30 am. I am dreading going, I have been since I seen it said they had set one and sent the letter. I hate the way I felt when I seen father of the Year last year. I don’t want to feel that way again. Bff says she will go with me but she said that last time too and didn’t. I am thinking about asking my friend I have been hanging out with if he would go with me. He knows it is coming up and that I am dreading going. I told him how it was last time.

I also asked them to check on the case with R.C because that was done back in October and they have done nothing with it since then. They said they are not sure why something wasn’t done they are waiting on a court date. She said she is going to send a paper over to the lawyer or courts and have the look into it. So hopefully they will get that going and we will go with in the next month or so as well.

Father of the year is over $3900 behind I don’t know who will give him that much money to get him out of it this time. As much as it would be nice to have the money I kind of would like to see him do some time for it this time. Maybe he will see that if he don’t pay it this will really happen. The threat wasn’t enough to make him keep paying. He figures oh well I will just borrow the money or what once it gets to that point. But maybe if he had to do time because he couldn’t get it then he would think hay maybe I should just pay it before it gets so out of hand and I can’t get the money. Probably not but wishful thinking. If he is borrowing this from his boss and his boss is taking it back weekly out of his pay check then it is taking weeks, well months to pay back. What is the difference if he just pays it to me every week and it not get so far behind and his kids have what they need. Would be much easier than not paying it, having to go to court, scramble for the money and risk going to jail or going and having to spend who knows how much time there and now risk losing your job and house and everything you have had given to you. Because we all know he didn’t get it on his own or work to get it. His boss gave him everything and now hopes he works enough to at least pay him every week.

I am going to bring that up to the judge as well why we are in court. I’m going to say to her, can I say something?When she says yes I am going to say I want to ask him some questions. He says he is working he just isn’t paying weekly like he is supposed to. He says he don’t have it to pay and don’t have the $3900 to give today. I would like to know where he is going to get the money from? Assuming he is going to have to borrow it or try to borrow it he is going to then have that to pay back weekly. How does he pay it back weekly once he gets to this point but then says that when he isn’t paying on it he can’t afford to pay me? What is the difference if it comes out and goes to someone else to borrow what he pays me when he gets to this point vs him just paying me weekly and not getting to this point and having to not only now need to pay me but also have to pay that back weekly or monthly?

I am going to also ask if we can’t get this back in court like after him missing two weeks or a months of payments not a year just about. I am going to point out the fact that he is working he admits to working and just not paying it, but that he pays it once they pull him in there and make him so he has the means, can and will just won’t. I hope it all goes well.



{November 26, 2019}   Contempt Again and Finally Served

I hadn’t really thought of the deadbeats and child support in a while. I am not sure the last time I checked on it really. For some reason today I was walking through the shop not really thinking about anything and something said check child support enforcement. I went on and forgot about it.

Later this afternoon after I finished up working and had some simi free time I thought of it again. I looked up the case on Father of the Year first. It is showing over $2900 owed but it is more I know. It said just today they sent something to their lawyers to file contempt of court against him again. I figure we won’t get a court date for that until next year. It was aroumd this time last year when they finally did something and we didn’t go until May 15.

Then I looked at the case with R.C. it don’t show anything new so I looked it up at the clerk of courts site. It showed on the 19 I think it is returned or proof of service.

I went back to the child support site and chatted with someone there. She says he was served on 10/2/19. This shows you how long it takes them to get it in the computer and everyone to get the info. She said we are just waiting on a court date for that one too now. I am sure it will probably be some time next year as well.

We get in court I am going to ask about contact and all that. If he wants contact what I should tell her because she has been asking.

I am not looking foward to court with Father of the Year. I do not like the way I felt when he walked in the last time we went. I have to find someone

At least once they get onto R.C and make him pay he will. This with Father of the Year is going to be just another go in tell him to pay x amount of what he is behind and let him go. He cry to mommy and daddy or his boss and get the money. He will skip on about his way and not pay the rest of the year. Why we are in there I am bringing up his rights and getting rid of them.



{August 16, 2019}   At What Point Do You Trust The

I can’t have kids statement from a guy? I been talking to bff and she met this guy at work (big no no) she has been hanging out with. The other night she stayed at his house. I said she was going to end up pregnant. Was laughing and joking around. She does with me all the time because of my friend and because I did with RC.

She said nope he can’t have kids. I busted up laughing and said you didn’t or don’t believe him do you? She said yeah he said he can’t he….

I stopped her and said yeah you know how many guys say that or how many thought they couldn’t and have kids now? This is the 34 year old she been talking to. I said his ex’s have probably been on birth control. No no he says because of abuse when he was younger he can’t.

I don’t buy it. I am not saying it couldn’t be true. But I feel it is unlikely. That he is just telling her this. Just like they like to say oh this once it won’t happen it will be okay. Or I won’t finish blah blah bullshit. Come on we know how these guys are and when they are younger for sure. He is young maybe he wants kids, maybe he just isn’t worried about if it happens, or it hasn’t yet so he thinks he can’t. There is no way I would trust that at all. But she is and believes it.

I was thinking about it, how do you decide if they are telling the truth or not? How long before you trust them enough that you believe them? Do you want proof from a doctor first? Do you just never trust it or believe it? Unless you just don’t care if you get pregnant? If you don’t believe them how is that going to work if or when the time comes you want to be with them? They aren’t going to want to use anything. Do you get on birth control and not tell them? Refuse to do anything unless you all use something?

I just do not know if I would ever be able to trust someone who said that even if I was with them long term. Unless I knew test were done and heard it from the doctor myself.

I just know for me I am done 100% done and I would be so scared to risk it. I would always be worried about what if. I know it could happen even using something. But I am most the time really careful then too. I track my cycles so I know when I am at risk and how high, I use protection sometimes two forms. They still pullout. Honestly there have been a few times lately I have taken a risk. But to me if something happen it would be my fault because I didn’t do all I should or could of. Where if I just blindly believe a guy who says he can’t have kids and end up pregnant that opens a lot of problems other than just getting pregnant.

What if a girl tells a guy she can’t get pregnant? Should he believe her? How long should or would one wait before they did? Or should they ever or should they want proof?

Because lets face it girls have said it just as much and probably more than guys and a lot of them have done it to trap guys and they did because the guys believed her.

So would your answer be different if it was a women telling a guy she couldn’t get pregnant for whatever reason vs. if it was a guy telling a girl he couldn’t get her pregnant? Why or why not?

I hope you all give your opinion on this because it is something that you hear a lot both ways. I think it will be interesting to see everyones thoughts and the guys vs. girls on this.



{July 28, 2019}   55+ Community

Friday night I worked later than normal and then had to backtrack over by my day job to find my bumper. That’s another post I will tell you later. But once I did that I went to my little store I normally go to so I could get my coffee on the way home.

I came out and there was a guy in a little red sports car backing out of the space next to mine. He stopped and was asking what kind it was and talking about what a neat car it was. Then he pulled back in and was talking. We talked for a bit about cars and different things. Then the question came are you married or have a boyfriend. I said no he told me he been divorced twice and things.

He proceeded to tell me how he was from the other county over and was on his way home from a POF date. How it didn’t go so great. There was no spark. He says I’m paying she goes all out orders this large thing with lobster. She could of just got a small. I’m just looking at him like your really saying this and trying not to laugh.

We talk a little more and he starts telling me about this great 55+ Community that he lives in!!! How they have 3 or 4 pools and a salon and barber and all this stuff there for them to do and use. How the kids would have so much fun if I wanted to bring them get away and come hang out for the day or weekend. I’m just grinning shaking my head and thinking. You think dinner tonight was bad because she oredred lobster and large. You have no idea what doing anything with 4 kids is going to cost. Not that I would expect him to pay but you get the idea. And does he really think that I am just going to load my kids up and drive 50 or 60 miles to spend the day or weekend with some guy I talk to one time in the parking lot of a little store? Even if there are “no strings attached” as he said. This just sounds safe in so many ways. For all of us, think I will jump right on that and make plans. As soon as I win the lotto.

My phone started ringing it was the kids. He said you have to get that? I said yeah I better get out of here I should of been home already. He said here I will give you my number if you would like to go out sometime give me a call. I said oh okay thinks took it and said have a good night got to go and left.

Why can’t I find someone decent closer to my age? He wasn’t really someone I would be interested in, the one from work seems nice and decent but what 15 or more year age difference is just to much. Then what do I have to pick from these 20/21 year old kids or the stalker. It would be nice to have just one close to my age that was interested and I didn’t have to worry about coming up missing or losing my eyes or something.

Maybe I am just meant to be alone. I really don’t think I am asking for to much and most say I should be asking for more so go figure.



{July 24, 2019}   34 to 54 and Us in-between

Over the weekend when me and Bff went out and we were talking she told me about this guy at work who has been talking to her. She said but he is only 34!!!

I laughed and told her I almost went out Wednesday for a drink with a guy from my night job before I had told her I would go with her. But I didn’t because I am not interested in him that way and I know he is. The kicker he is 54 or around there. He told me he had his first son when he was 25 and his son is around 29 now.

Then there is me and her 38 and 41. She is freaking out because he is so much younger and I am freaking out because he is so much older. She said something about the guy at work and his name. They have the same name.

At least there is only a 7 year age difference between him and her. But I am with her he is still so young. He has no kids never been married. I told her it don’t hurt to have some fun but be upfront that she just wants to be friends. Nothing wrong with dating or going out as friends.

The one at work is a nice guy but 16 year age difference he is like my moms age. I just can’t go there. He been married, divorced and has kids, he works, has his own place and things.

On top of that we all work together. Well not all of us but the guy she is talking to works with her and the one talking to me works with me. I don’t want to go there.

Why can’t we meet nice, decent guys closer to our age that have their shit together?



et cetera
%d bloggers like this: