Single___Parent___Life











{May 22, 2020}   6 Days In,

And so far doing pretty good. As I am sure you all probably remember from my post last week Emotional Break Down

I started a low-dose birth control pill and I was worried about taking it. When I took them in the past I did not do well on them. But it really was my only option so I decided to try it. Rather than keep trusting what I have been. Don’t get me wrong I love natural family planing and have used it for years, and used it for years before. But I don’t feel it is the best for me to use at this point in life. Seeing as I do not want anymore kids, me and J.W don’t get a lot of time alone and never know when that is going to be and I worry about it all the time. I don’t know what I would do if I ended up pregnant at this point in life.

I started the pill Sunday when I was supposed to and was a little worried. Okay more than a little worried. I had horrible mood swings, felt physically sick, had no libido and just over all nasty. So I just took it and tried to forget it and not think about it. Wasn’t hard to do as busy as we are at work right now. I take it between 1 and 130 every day. I figured that was a good time because I go to lunch then. I don’t like to take anything when I first get up in the morning and didn’t want to deal with it in the evening or at night when I am so tired and other things to do. I set my alarm already so I won’t forget at lunch or if I am busy and work through lunch or take it early. But I know that being busy in the evening I will turn the alarm off and forget it. This way it is right there in my purse at my desk and I have my drink right there. I can just stop and take it.

I haven’t really noticed any thing to bad. I have been a little moody here and there but not anything that sticks around. I haven’t been feeling depressed lately, I have been in a pretty good mood over all. But I am only 6 days in. I hope that over the next few days/weeks that things don’t change.

Because it looks as if that is going to be what I am going to have to use for a while. I don’t make enough to pay over $300 for for insurance for just myself. I make to much to get Medicaid but am to below poverty level to get help on the market place to get insurance there. I reapplied for medicaid hoping the kids would get their’s back since I lost a job. Thank goodness they did. I on the other hand didn’t even get share of cost so I have no coverage what so ever if anything happens.

I did find out today I can get dental and vision insurance at work for around $30 a month. I do not have to have the medical in order to get them. I am going to cancel a few things and bite the bullet and get it. I really need to get new glasses the ones I have are over three years old and I can tell my eyes are worse. I am have got to get something done with my teeth. I hope to go to the local place over here and get them pulled. I think I can get them done for next to nothing. Then hope that I can use the insurance to get the new ones. If it won’t pay for new ones to at least pay a chunk of the cost or most of the cost for new ones. If not then I have been told that the owner at work will help get them done and then take a little out of your check each month. If he would take a little a month not a chunk each week or huge chunk each week.

All I can do with it all is wait and see and hope it works out.



{May 18, 2020}   Re: A New Position

So last week I told you that I moved into a new position temporarily why I wasn’t working at my day job and until the new girl started. On March 18 the owner said we would talk in two weeks and see where we stood. April first came and went and we didn’t talk. The new girl that had already started was sent home until after lock down because she works at a hotel at night and they felt she was to much of a risk to be around. So it was just me there doing my job and two other peoples. No one said not to come in or to go back to my other hours and the accountant and billing lady told me they wanted me to take the spot in the accountants office and stay there. They didn’t want the other new girl that was supposed to start any day. The billing lady said she did not want anyone else dong billing with her but me because she found so many issues with stuff the one who did start and worked some did.

I just kept working they said they were going to get the owner to keep me in that position and to put the two new girls in other spots. I said but he wants me over there and says he is moving me. They said don’t worry about it we will take care of that, just keep doing a really good job.

We are now a month past the time me and the owner talked and he still hadn’t said anything about getting together and talking. I see him every day he knows I am still coming in the other hours and just doing day hours. He hasn’t offered to talk to me or anything. Finally we were about a week and half before the first of May and they were talking about starting to open things around us. I stopped him Thursday evening and asked him if I could talk to him. It was after 6 everyone had went home it was just me him and M who works with at night I worked with there. M was outside or something. He said yes absolutely come on in. He is that way he has no problem taking time to talk to any of the employee’s if they need to talk to him about something. I knew if he had wanted to talk before that he would of let me know so I wasn’t to worried about it. But I needed to know where I stood with them talking about starting to open things up and all that.

I went in and I just told him, I said you know in March we said we would try this with the new hours and position and me helping out for two weeks until the other girl started. I said then things stayed closed and I have just been doing it. But things are opening back up or going to start soon and I just wanted to see where we stood since you said we would talk in two weeks and we hadn’t. He said we have a full time 40 hours a week day position we want to offer you it is yours if you want it. He said the position you are in now. He said I never would of thought a year ago when I hired you into my dispatch department that you would end up in my accounting office. He said but then you did and he said you just flourished and took off and are doing such an amazing job. He said you are very professional, you show up on time, you work, you get the job done you don’t have all these lose ends all over the place, you make sure it is right, you aren’t leaving or coming in late or calling out. He kept making comments about how professional I am and hard worker and things.

He said with the 40 hours after your first year you get a weeks paid vacation, after the second year you get 2 and after 5 years you get 3. He said you get health insurance I pay I flat $250 a person a month for that you pay the rest. He said I have a life insurance policy I pay in full for you at $25,000. The payroll employee screening company pays another $5,000 policy for each employee. He said bonus is like I gave you in March last time we talked. It is not tied to how well you have done through the year or anything like that. It is just a you work here we are going to give you a bonus kind of thing. He said it is $200 a year for every year you have been here. He said raises are not something we give to often and there is no ryme or reason why I give them or set time or amount. He said I give them to who I want when I want and I give what I want. He said it isn’t a set this time of year everyone gets one and they all get this much or that much. He said some get them some don’t and no one really gets them at the same time. No one knows if or when someone gets one or how much they got. He said your pay we brought you down a $1 with the new position. I said yes and……He said there was a couple reasons I did that. He said when you started you were only part time, you couldn’t get any health insurance and things like that. He said and you were working night shift not days. I said that was fine I under stood. He said but I accounted for the fact that you have been with us for a year, that you know the company and what is going on from a stand point that others in that area do not and that can help you and help them. He said and the fact you had already been helping them before you moved over there and knew parts of the job for that side. He said so I thought and felt it was fair to leave you were I did. I said that was fine and thank you. Because really it is I am days and not nights and I do get more hours and he does pay more for part time to make it worth it or try to. Plus I also know that I am making a $1 more an hour than the billing lady who has been there for 5+ years and that she is making the same as the new girl that just started. That is what they had started out telling me I would be cut back to if I stayed in one of the positions over there. I had said okay or I could do it maybe I would have to think about it but I was prepared to go in asking for what I am making now and pushing for it not backing down. Because I felt it was fair considering all the work I am doing that I am doing the work of three to 4 people. Even if the other lady was making less and had been there longer. She don’t do near what I do and I am in a different position than her. They want me trained to do her job, plus the job I am doing and both the new girls jobs. Because if one is out I have to be able to jump over and run the show in that area too on top of doing my job. I am handing a lot of things none of the rest handle and I am doing a split job. In he mornings I do billing then after lunch I work with the accountant and after that I fit in all the extra stuff that is just mine to handle. Or stay late to get it done.

But why he was talking about what he put my pay at and not giving raises on a set time and all that, he kept talking about how good of a job I am doing and how professional I am and things.

I also told him when I first went in and told him I wanted to talk to him about my job and hours and all that. I told him they were talking about starting to open things back up so I wanted to be able to let them know at my other day job I wasn’t going to be back. To give them enough time to find someone else and train them and things if they needed to. That I didn’t want to leave them stuck because I am the only one there that does what I do and that opens them and closes them and keeps them open through the day and calls to get them work.

That was when he was talking again about hard working and professional and things again. And he said I am sure you will be compinsated or you will be being compinated when things start to pick back up and if you keep working hard like you do and doing such a good job. In other words I can expect to be getting raises and that the work I am doing is being noticed. But that he has to wait for things to pick back up and get back to normal before he can do to much. I know the yard guy said he gave him like a $2 raise because he was doing such a good job and told him how good he was doing and things. Even if it is just extra bonus or something because I went in there and got them cleaned up and they went from weeks or month or more behind in billing to a few days to a week at any given time now. We are about to be up to billing the same day stuff is delivered. I am getting everything else in order and turned around and figuring out how to do everything that has not been done for months because the other two girls left and no one has touched their jobs since they left. It is a huge mess and every time I ask where is this or how do we do this all I get is figure it out so and so did it and we have no idea how or what she done she just done it. We never thought she would leave or thought about what we would do if she did. They are still coming up with stuff she done all the time and giving me going we forgot she did this. Oh she done this. we don’t know how she didn’t write it down or what figure it out put together something that works for you.

A raise or something extra would be great considering all I am doing. I don’t think he knows what all I am doing and if he knew I think he would be shocked. He may find out before to long because my boss has made a few comments to me and I am done and tired of it. If it keeps on I am going to go to the owner and say something.

But for now that is where we are. The girl that was supposed to be in my position started last week. They put her doing a different position she is fine with that. I am shocked she has been a bar tender for 5 years and has never done anything like I am doing. They were going to hire her to do it. I have not done what I am doing on a large scale like I am now but I have done it before on a smaller scale have experience. Not with all of it but a lot of it. Plus I have taken finance classes and tax classes and things. I know what is going on and things.

The other new girl that got sent home decided not to come back because she is still at the hotel and they asked her to start with and she said no. Then messaged back said yes and she couldn’t leave there to come here when that is where she has been able to work all this time. So now we have to fill that position. I am a little aggervated because I am doing 3 jobs really and all this time they kept saying once they come in and we fill those postions they will take some of the work load off of you and do that. That was the one that sits over there’s job so we will give some of this stuff back to them. Then brought them in and gave them a different position that has nothing to do with what I am doing and don’t plan to give them or the one some of this stuff I am doing back to her. That does make me mad because I was overwhelmed the first few weeks to month. Then the next few weeks I felt I was starting to get a grip on things and get them caught up. But now I feel like I am falling behind because I am doing everything for my boss and doing the billing that it don’t leave me time to handle my stuff they want me to take care of. I am going to give it a few more weeks and try to get myself straight again and get a system in place and see where to go from there. If I am going to be able to catch it up and keep it up and get a rutine going or am I going to have to say hey look she needs to take over some jobs or we need to hire someone to take over some jobs because i can’t keep doing three jobs and not for the pay of one. Then see where we all stand and what happens or if I will have to go to the owner. My boss is nice but I don’t need nice i need a boss that is going to do what needs to be done to get the job done. That is going to hire someone if that is what it means or divide work up with the others like he said or give me time in a day to do my job not just time to help him and help billing and then think it should all just happen and get done.

Plus I have not been trained all the way through on how to do anything. Parts of jobs here and there and mover on to a different part of a different job and do it because it needs done. Now when I have to go back and ask questions or don’t know something he makes comments about taking notes and things. I have tons of notes but when you have pieces here and there it is hard to put them together and make since. or when you were never told but he insist that he did and tells me to figure it out and get it together. I have a report that needs sent but he told me i should of taken notes and he told me already. I told him no he hadn’t he said figure it out. I got pissed off and had other stuff to do so I laid it down there and went to do what he said to do and get done. When he ask I am going to tell him it is right here you never showed me or told me how to do it. It isn’t even how to it. It is ready i just need the contact info for the person it is going to. He says I told you it was so and so. I said I don’t have his info. I gave it to you. I said no he you should of taken notes. I am not going to be done this way. He tells me one thing the new girl something else. I ask him the other day what he was telling her about a calunder to put our time off on so he could see it and would know about it. I was right now it was no secret that I could hear them talking. I said what a calunder? He said something. I said I was just told to email it to you. Now we need to put it somewhere else or do it different? He said no that is what I am showing her and told her to do too. I just heard him tell her different. Friday me and her went to lunch it came up she said yeah he told me to put it on this or that calundear and share it with him so he could see it. I said see that is what I was aksing him that day what he was talking about if we all did that or could. He told me no he was just telling you to email him and showing you how. She said yes I know I was wondering why and didn’t know what to say. I said no it was fine but you caught it too. She said yes and that isn’t’ all. I said yes I know he does things like this all the time. I am not going to put up with that either. I will go to the owner. I think the owner already knows and I know he isn’t happy with a lot that he has done and is doing lately. I don’t want his job or to see him get fired. But I am not going to be done this way either. I have seen him through the owners wife under the bus to him over stuff he was supposed to do and said he thought she was doing it. He told me he was supposed to before it ever happened got up and walked out went home. Never done it never talked to anyone. Then told the owner no your wife was supposed to let you know yesterday. I thought she was letting you know we talked about such and such and. He never talked to her about any of it he talked to the other lady there and me and that was that. I said I am just doing what I was told he told me he talked to you or would be. He didn’t tell me any different so I thought you were fine with it. I will stay late tonight that isn’t a problem i am use to it and will come in late the next few days so I don’t go over 40. That way I am here to do my night hours and whatever I have time fore before that to help day people. He said no don’t worry about it it wasn’t my fault. It wasn’t they told me to do something different he said he would handle it with him.

But over all I am happy and am sure these bumps along the way isn’t anything I can’t work through and get things settled down. How ever I may have to do it. Even the owners son is coming to me about things and wanting me to work with him on setting up our new computer system and things for our department. When that should be my boss and him and the other lady. But the other lady don’t care. He don’t want to work with my boss because he don’t like the way he does things and how he is still trying to do things even after having an employee that is being investigated and a computer taken for evidence and things. He called me to find out what the new girls needed to have access to and asking if they really needed this or that or not and things. I don’t mind helping him set a more secure system up for the whole place and agree with him things need to change even if my boss don’t like it. But I don’t feel I should be the one to be helping him unless the owner or my boss says to. After we talk I call the billing lady into our office and talk to her and the accountant and tell the what was said and what info he wants and things. Then I go back and tell the owners son this is what boss says, this is what so and so says and this is what I think, know or feel. So you can do what you think is right to do from all of that. He will say I don’t care what he has to say or yeah but what he is saying is wrong or not a good point or reason to do this or that. He will say this is what I am going to do will that let what needs to be done by who needs to do it be done? Or do they need more? I tell him that is what he does. I am sure if boss figured out that is what is happening he won’t be happy. But I am not hiding anything. Me and him are in the same office a foot apart and I am on the phone with him right there. I call the billing lady in there talk to them both about it and call owners son back right there tell him what was said. He hears it. I tell the owners son I think they need this or that but not this. They had this but no reason for them to now so we probably should take it or what. Because of what just happen we need to be careful. If boss don’t like it then he needs to be the one calling him and talking to him. Because I could put together a good system for all of us pretty easy I think if I was given a day or two to work on it. I know who is in dispatch and what they need access to. I know who is in my area and what they need access to. I could put it all down and everyone else in the building and make it so each area only had access to what they needed of each area’s info not full access to everything and free run to add delete or lose things. That is what the owners son is wanting to do but my boss isn’t wanting him to lock everything down so much. I kind of wonder why. Because as long as he has access to what he needs and everyone else dose as well why does he care what who don’t have access to? Unless he is in on this stuff with the other girl who is under investigation or doing something with the books. I may bring that up to him when we talk again.

It is late I better get off here. But I wanted to let you all know what happen about the position.

I went that Friday to tell them at my day job but I just missed the guys. I was off that following Monday so I went to tell them then. Only one was there but I went ahead and told him. They figured it was coming they know I need the money and things couldn’t afford not to work all that time. Plus pops kept telling me I needed to get on full time over there and take it that I had a really good opportunity over there and was better off over there. I told the one that was there, it is so much more about $4 or more an hour than what I make there, I have health insurance if i want or need it, I have life insurance I don’t have to pay. I get bonus, and like I told him if nothing else the experience that I am going to get working in the accounting office for a place like that. I can take that somewhere else and make decent money. Once I can show I have been there a year or two and know what I am doing. I could probably make twice what I am making now or close to it once I have the experience. Even without schooling. Plus I can start classes again and finish my degree I hope. I will have that much down and done.



{May 9, 2020}   A New Position

I started this post weeks ago and never finished or posted it. I have worked on it a few times and up to all most 3000 words. Now that I have time to sit down on my lap top and really work on it I am going to start over and shrink it down some or at least clean it up a lot. Because a lot of it was written on the fly and when I was tired.

Right before or right when everything started to turn toward shutting down I was over at JW’s house after work on March 17th. I was kind of worried we may shut down because I had called around to the Salons and things that day and they all said they were closing or cutting hours or wasn’t sure what was going to happen because of this Covid19 mess. They would get back with us once everything settled down. I figured we would be open the next few weeks until after the first of March to see what was going to happen but wasn’t sure if things didn’t pick up by then or if they ordered a shut down what we would do.

I told JW I needed to talk to him about something he said okay. That night after I got there we were laying on the bed talking. He wanted to know what I needed to talk to him about. I told him that I didn’t know what was going to happen with all this going on. But that if I lost my job or jobs or got shut down and could not work and it caused me to lose my house I was not starting over here. I told him if I lost my job I didn’t know if I would be able to keep going with just the one or be able to find something that would work around what I was doing or what. But that if it came down to me losing my house because of it I was leaving. I would not stay here and start over for any reason. I told him I didn’t plan this and that I had decided to stay here and give us a chance since we got together. But that that would be three times in 8 years that me and my kids had ended up homeless and that I wasn’t starting over here again to end up that way again in a few years or so again.

I didn’t know what I expected him to say but wasn’t ready for what he said for sure. He said I’ll go with you. Where ever you want to go or you go. I want to go with you.

I asked him what he said because I was shocked and didn’t know what to say. Like I said I didn’t know what to expect and don’t really know what I wanted him to say. I just wanted him to know before something happen so it wasn’t out of no where and unexpected if it happen. I even told him I figured we would be fine that wasn’t going to happen we would hold out the next few weeks and surely things would go back to normal. We might have a ruff patch but come out okay. I was an odd feeling when he said he was going to go with me. I don’t know how to explain it. I was happy but confused I don’t know why I felt the way I did but I did.

He said he understood and did not blame me at all if that happen and I moved. He said he didn’t want to lose me either. That he loved me and knew I needed to do what was best for the kids. He knew how high things are around here and how hard it is to just stay a float and how hard it would be for us to ever find anything around here if I did lose my place because of how much things have went up over the last 6 years since I got into the house I am in.

In a minute my phone went off, we both thought it was probably the kids wanting to know when I was going to be off and headed home or wanting me to pick something up on my way home. It was after 10 they know I get off between 10 and midnight. I looked and I guess the look on my face when I read it said a lot, because he said what? What is wrong? what happen?

I didn’t know what to say and couldn’t even say anything. I just turned the phone toward him so he could see it better and let him read it. He said oh no, I am so sorry honey. I said I had no idea I thought at least a few more weeks and really never expected this.

It was my one boss saying with no one needing us right now they were going to have to cut back for now. They were going to file for help and see how things went. That the best thing I could do right now was stay home take care of the kids and keep everyone safe. They would let me know as soon as things straightened out.

That was Tuesday night. Wednesday I went to my night job because we were still working there at that point. Shortly after I got there the owner came out sat down and talked to me. He was asking because he heard my kids were sick and things. I assured him everything was fine, they all had been to the doctor and tested positive for the flu and that they were not worried about it being anything else. That it had been a few weeks and everyone was over it. He said okay.

He went back in his office and then called me in there to talk to me. I was thinking great now he is going to tell me they are cutting back, shutting down or that he don’t need me for now they are worried about what the kids had or what. I got up and went in there.

I walked in and sat down. He started telling me that every year he gives a bounce that it wasn’t really based on anything other than how long you had been with the company. He said it is $200 a year for every year you are there. He said you have been here for a while now and close enough to a year you can get yours and for the full $200 for the first year.

I thanked him and told him I had hit my year that day actually. He said really and looked at the computer. He said how about that it is today. We talked some more.

I had found out he had two positions open slightly before this. But that is when I blew my car up. So I hadn’t talk to him about it because I wanted to make sure that I had a way to work and that I was going to be able to keep working down there. Some how that all came up. I think maybe I asked him and he said he had filled them.

He said he didn’t know I would be interested in more hours or what because he knew I had another job. I said yes but that I had been waiting to talk to him because of the issue with my car but that I had a vehicle now that I was not worried about that anymore.

He said if there is a position or something that you want or need come talk to me. He said I am sure that we can work something out. He said I wish I hadn’t just hired those two new people. He said we could of worked it out. I told him the news I got from my day job the night before that if he had hours to fill in the meantime I would do them. That I could be there days or nights or both. He said oh your not working your day job right now? He said the one new girl isn’t starting for a few weeks because of this covid mess. He said if you want to come in and help out in the office they could sure use it. They have been short three people for a while now. I said that would be great. He said come in two to ten. That way they have extra help and you can still do your night hours too. I told him that would be fine.

I did that for a few days and then the accounts guy told me he wanted me to come in earlier. I told him that I had my night stuff to do as well but that Thursday I could come early because they wouldn’t need me and that we leave early that day any way. He said okay.

I thought he talked to the owner or what about it. He didn’t. I went in and was there before him. The owner came by and asked why I was there so early and said something about my night hours and things. I told him I thought him and the accountant had talked about it and okay-ed it. He said no he knew nothing about it. I said they needed me early for training or something. At night on Thursday’s are slow I talked to M the guy I work with at night he agreed I really wouldn’t be missed or needed it would be okay. That the accountant was supposed to get the okay from him. I would of talked to him had I known he didn’t.

Later the accountant go there the owner had words with him. He said he wants you here two to ten. He was mad blah blah. I said that is fine. He said we really want and need you here earlier. I said yeah I know. I said but I can work on things at night from over here like I did before. Because I had helped over there in the evenings with credit cards and things.

Later the guy M I work with at night came in and he sits right against the owners office door. Everyone else had left I was working on somethings. I had walked over to the dispatch room for something and they were talking. My name came up and I heard it. I walked over into the owners office and stood there with them why they were talking. He was talking to M about me working the day hours and not being there that night and how he didn’t know but I had said we talked about it and things. M said yeah really we are not busy because we don’t have trucks rolling out and it has been slow here at night she has been leaving early already. It isn’t more than one person can handle right now. He said honestly if they need her and she wants to do more hours in the day or all of them it wouldn’t be an issue because I have it here at night.

See the owner had already told M a few days or week before that it was slow no point in me sitting around there doing nothing to tell me I could go home early if I wanted to. I had been. I was working enough hours to know I could pay everything that needed to be paid and give me spending money and that was it. Not that I didn’t need the money, but at the same time I knew what was going on and felt it was the right thing to do. Plus it gave me time to spend with JW and see how things were going to go there.

So the owner said okay then that was fine if I wanted to start coming in during the day whatever hours me and the others agreed upon would be find. He said we would get together and talk in two weeks and see where we all stood. As for the shut down, the new girl starting, if they still needed extra help once she did and if M needed me back at night or not.

So that is where we left things back in March.



{March 17, 2020}   Coronavirus Scare

Sadly true right now, I am so over this virus crap. I just want to scream, in a matter of days both jobs have slowed way down and I was even told at one I can start taking off early if I wanted to. Just when I was going to start staying later and getting more of my hours because of the beating my bank account has taken the last 17 days. I had been leaving early already the last month or so with everything going on and just feeling wore out. But right now I need my hours and don’t know how that is going to go over since they don’t want me getting them. I do have work to be done so hopefully that saves me. I plan to get my 6 or so the next two nights and got about 4 of my 5 last night because I clocked in early. But as long as I can show I am working not just sitting around like normally do they should not complain. I have an email from the other department that I work with with in the company saying that he needs this stuff done right away and waiting on it for a report that he has to do so I think that will all work out.

But then my other job the bus has went down and when I called to move people around to different days a lot said they would have to get back with me because their shops are going to reduced hours and workers for a while or closing. We can’t afford that. It has been slow in the shop the last week or so and we make a good chunk from the road. Without that and people not coming in I am worried they are going to decide to shut down as well. Pops hasn’t been in this week at all and his one son told me to tell him to spray everything down he don’t need to be getting sick. I figure it is best if he just stays home and waits it out seeing as my kids have been sick as well. I don’t have it but could be carrying it still. I have been doing everything I can to keep from spreading it.

When it comes down to it I feel that it is just the government way of putting fear in people. I probably said this on my last post about Little Bitty being sick but it is just really starting to get to me the way everyone is freaking out and acting like we have never had a sickness go around before or that we have never had something new come out. It is so scary and we all need to shut down everything. Honestly I feel that 99% of it is media playing into peoples fear and to boost their viewing.

Everyone is freaking out saying look at the numbers look at the numbers they don’t lie or they are worse. But if you really look at them read them and break them down to me they are not as bad as they seem. Yes they are bad any death is bad but we also have to keep a open mind and understanding about all this and that everyone is going to die and we have no idea how that is going to be for anyone. Some it is cancer others it is the flu, while others lay down go to sleep and just don’t wake up while someone else is in a car accident. Yes people have compromised immune systems and other health problems that also contribute to the fact and a lot of the people who are sick or have passed seem to be ones who are at higher risk. People who are it don’t matter what it is they catch they are at more risk than anyone else to end up with complications or dying from it. But when the media just starts throwing out numbers and deaths and area people don’t break it all down they don’t look at years before and see how they match up. The ones who do also do not break them down and consider all the factors that go into those numbers just as they are not with the new ones so they still end up in a panic.

Looking at numbers on this new virus that they are all panicked about I was just looking at numbers Globally it says more than 185,000 have it or have gotten it while it has killed more than 7,500. But 80,000 people have recovered from it. If we look at this realistically out of almost 88,000 people we lost just over or over 7,500 and still have almost 98,000 still fighting it I assume it didn’t say but that would be logical thinking if they have not died and not recovered. Following the same thought pattern if things stay as they are right now 90,000 or more will recover we will lose another 7,000 give or take. over all that is around 170,000 people out of 185,000 so far who has or should recover globally. Lets take this a step further has anyone looked at global population while panicking about all this? Because I have not heard or seen it talked about in the bit I have scared or read looking for these numbers. I went to find it and what I am seeing is that global population is 7.8 billion. If you step back and look at the big huge picture here, 100,000 or even 200,000 compared to 7.8 billion is a tiny little part of that. if it was money a person would not even notice it gone and in all reality even talking population it is not enough to make a noticeable impact. The only reason it is noticed and even known is because of the media throwing out numbers and big scary words like sickness, virus, and death. I read a few places there are around 8 deaths per every 1000 people every day. That is caused by any and every number of things that could kill you or you could die from. It isn’t broke down. Do you know how many people that is every day compared to the 7.8 billion people in the world?

Yes I understand that so many of these deaths from this sickness happen in one place or groups close together or whatever/how ever you want to say it. But again lets break it down and look at the situation surrounding who was sick, why they were sick, why they died. Again how many of them had traveled or been with people who had in high risk areas. How many already had underlying health issues? How many of them knew each other or are friends and family, co works of the ones who first had it or brought it around?

No we didn’t know about it before so we didn’t know to protect or self from it but then again what are they telling us to do to protect ourselves from it? Simple things like wash our hands, clean your area, cover your mouth and nose if you cough or sneeze, don’t touch your face. DON”T GO OUT IF YOU ARE SICK. Hum where have I heard all this before? Maybe because it is common since things we should all be doing already regardless if we think there is some kind of sickness out there that might kill us or not. But it seems people forget to do these things until something like this happens and then they freak out. The whole staying home if you are sick yes I know that you are contagious before you ever know your sick and by the time you know your sick your not contagious or just about out of the contagious phase. But there is nothing we can do about that, that is no one’s fault. We can not prevent spreading something we do not know we even have at the time. This is where your common since, wash your hands, keep things clean comes into play. It is up to us to keep ourselves from getting sick and even though it is not 100% fool proof or possible it helps. But at the same time we can’t go over board and scrub everything everyday and use a bottle of hand sanitize and try to live in a sereal environment either. Because you are not giving your body the change to build up your immune system so that it can fight off the bigger things that come along. Kids aren’t playing outside as much locked in schools all day with the a/c going then go home lock themselves in their house in the a/. They aren’t out playing in the dirt, getting fresh air being exposed to things.

I was just talking to the guy who comes and details our cars he brought up this virus and shutting everything down and how crazy it all is. He said the same thing it is all scare tactics and comes around to money.

I truly feel that if the media didn’t report so much and was banned from reporting on it for awhile that the scare would go down, all this lock down, buying everything in sight would stop. People would go back to living their lives as normal and we wouldn’t all die or go extinct from covid-19. Like they seem to be trying to make everyone think.



{January 31, 2020}   Can’t Stay On A Budget

I sat down last year and put a budget together for about 8 months or more. I stuck with it pretty well for a few months and was doing really well. Until November rolled around and everything went to shit and I got behind again instead of getting ahead and everything happen.

I was going to start again this month and well that didn’t happen. I just sat down and put one together again and everything is going to be so tight I have nothing left at the end of the week and don’t even cover everything. It will be the third or forth week of next month before I start to have money. It was oldest 16th birthday yesterday and I thought I would have money to do something with her next weekend and I don’t even know if I am going to have it for another few weeks or more now. It sucks she always seems to have to wait.

I am just under $1000 behind plus my normal monthly bills I have only been working about 17 to 20 hours a week the last month at my night job and missed hours at both jobs with my mouth. Between my mouth and just feeling very burnt out and over whelmed I have been leaving my night job at 9/930 if there is no work. I am so very tired of working two jobs and now know I have a year or two more of doing two jobs before I am going to see an end in sight. It is just depressing. Add in the time of year it is and my mood and mood swings and things I am just done. I don’t know what to do anymore. I don’t want to go to work but I do because I don’t want to be at home and I need the money of course. I just need to get out of this funk.

He keeps saying we need to get me moved and work out him moving in so I can quite one of my jobs. Bff keeps saying just tell the kids and let him move in. But that isn’t what I’m looking for or wanting to do. I don’t want to rush into living together. I want to know we are good and well into this and sure this is what we both really want and that the kids are good with him and want him to stay with us before we do that. I do not see even thinking about him living with is before August at the earliest. Really I would rather wait until October or later. I know he is on month to month and they are trying to sell the place. If that happens then I may consider it sooner depending how soon. I would have to be moved, the kids would have to know and had time to get use to him and be okay with it. If it is right away he is going to have to find somewhere to go for a bit. I don’t want him moving in anytime soon. I may not even by October but I would be willing to consider it then.

I just need to get over this all and get it taken care of. I can I have just been avoiding it. Because I just don’t feel like it, I am tired of dealing with it all doing it all. Not having time to myself without having to worry about kids has been really getting to me as well i just don’t want to do anything when i get that way. I cant ever do for myself why do any of it? I know i have to that is where the avoid it comes in. I do no more that what i have to in order to get by keep going. Whatever i don’t have to mess with think about or do I don’t. Then once it hits a point i have to deal with it i do.

 



{December 30, 2019}   Let’s Get This Day Started

Well the work part of it anyway. Truth is my day stated over 6 hours ago with a lovely mommy, mommy wake up I don’t feel good, my belly hurts really bad. Then Little Bitty doubled over in pain and crying. Followed by three rounds of puking in 45 minutes or less. Poor baby girl was scared to death the first time. I gave her a bucket thing we had there so she didn’t have to have her face all in the toilet and she could sit she was hurting so bad. She got sick and there was something red in it. She freaked out started crying there’s blood, there’s blood. I was half a sleep didn’t know what she was talking about or saying at first then figured it out. It wasn’t but she was panicked because she thought it was.

After she was sick she said her stomach felt a lot better. She laid back down to try and go to sleep. She said maybe like the other week when you were sick I’m just going to get sick once and will be okay now. But in no time she was back up and sick again. After the 2nd time I started getting her ready to go to the hospital. We got almost to the hospital and she started getting sick in the car. We just threw the bucket away when we got there. We went in and there was a lady with her little boy that just got there as we did and got in before we did. She had a little boy that was sick coughing and things. They got him straight back and said they would come to get her in a few minutes.

Why we were sitting there she started crying in pain again and doubled over. They finally took her back. They said they were going to probably swab her for flu and get blood and things. I heard them talking to the lady with the little boy in the room over from us. They were telling her right away that he wasn’t going home they would be keeping him. They were going to do test and things on him there and send him out to one of the children’s hospitals. I was worried because he was getting sick in the waiting room.

The doctor finally came in and checked her out, he pushed all over her stomach and she didn’t even flinch. But said it was hurting. she didn’t even want me to touch her back she said it hurt so bad and was telling me to ask them not to push on her belly because she hurt so bad. Then laid there like nothing. The doctor told her he was going to get her to give him a urine sample before he did any other test and traumatize her. He said with little girls that little, They don’t always clean their self like they should and will cause UTI. He told her he was going to give her something so she didn’t get sick anymore and then some juice and crackers. The nurse came and got the sample and gave her the medication. About 730 they gave her crackers and juice and she held it down. They let us go home. he called her in medication to take to keep her from getting sick anymore. He said give it to her at lunch time and wait 20 or 30 minutes then let her have soup, crackers, things like that the next 24 hours.

I didn’t get to work until 11, I had to go home and get a shower, I went to bed early laid there awake until after 12 then was up with her at 530. I had plan to take one this morning but wasn’t going to take one before I took her because she got sick so much and I figured I would probably end up with puke on me as well before it was over. But I felt to gross not to take one before i came to work. I ran in took a shower why oldest got ready then we ran to the store and I came to work.

My friend I have been talking to messaged and asked if we were okay if she was alright. He told me to stop by his job on my way to work. I messaged and asked if he needed or wanted anything from the little store. He said a Mt. Dew. I took him that and stopped in he gave me a carton full of fried shrimp, I had said I was hungry. Oh my goodness it was so good. I have already eaten most of it.

I told Little Bitty to relax in bed today so that she hopefully don’t give it to anyone else. I told her she could play her tablet, light bright and stable there on the bed. She has more than enough room. We would watch our show together if she was still awake when I get there tonight. I hope that she is fine and feeling better tomorrow.

I wanted to stay home with her but I am missing my night job tomorrow because I am working my day job and they are working in the morning tomorrow. Then I am missing both jobs Thursday. So that would leave me missing 4 days of work basically if I was to miss today too. That is almost my full paycheck from my day job this week. I figure as long as she don’t puke anymore then she should be okay, not a lot I could do even if I was there other than just sitting there with her. I want to be but we need the money right now. With all the holidays and missed time already.



{December 18, 2019}   Re: An Almost New Game

Last night I messaged my boss and asked him if he would could ask his son to pull the game out and see what it was and everything. He said he was doing it then. In a little bit he messaged me back and said he had the slim with 500 gigs. He said he had 8 games on it as well. I asked if it was all saved or disk. He said saved. I asked him how much he wanted for it? He said tell me what you think is fair and it will be that. I had no clue what to tell him. I know new ones with no games are going for about $260.

My kids are still a little young for the games that he has I was going to tell him if he wanted to take them off that would be okay. But I had no clue what to give him as a price for it. I was at my night job horrible service and trying to decide. I didn’t respond I was going to talk to him when he came in today about it.

Today he had to be here at 10 when we opened to do some work for someone. He said he may not be here until 10:30 he had something to take care of he forgot about so I asked the people to come at 10:30 they did. He did end up going here right around 10. He had a bag with him. He sat it on my desk in front of me said this is for you. It’s the game. I said oh okay thanks and asked him how much he decided he wanted for it because I didn’t really know. I was thinking I would give him the $260 for it if he was willing to wait and let me pay him at the end of January for it and since it had all the games with it. Even though they wouldn’t play them I didn’t get to ask him to take them off and it is still way cheaper than what I would of paid for the one I have in there now.

He said no it’s for you, you can have it. We don’t use it I talked to the kids today and we agreed we just want to give it to you. I didn’t know what to say. I almost cried but stopped myself. I just told him thank you and it meant a lot to me. The kids would love it.

That just saved me $400 but now I feel bad I have to take this one back and tell them um yeah guess what I can’t use this after all someone gave me one. I know the people down there and things good so then I feel bad for taking it back. now I have to wait until the first of the year because of the way I have things set up it is going to cost me money I don’t have if I go ahead and take it back now. But hey they wouldn’t buy it either if they had basically a brand new one given to them. Why do I feel bad for returning something that is meant to be returned if you change your mind?



{November 22, 2019}   Not Desperate, But Pissed Off

One night last week I was talking to the driver from work that talks to me now and then on my drive home from work. He still makes comments about hooking up and things all the time. I tell him he needs to go over to such and such street he can find someone who will help him. He says he isn’t looking for something like that and how gross it is or what.

Then he says so hypothetically if you were to charge for it how much would you charge. I said I’m to expensive for what your looking for. I laughed and so no really I have no idea because I have never been that desperate. I have always been able to get up get the money and make something happen. Figure out how to take care of things.

I said people who do that are people who don’t want to put in the work to make the money or just looking for quick easy money. They have no interest in trying to make something happen or figure out other ways.

At the same time I was messaging my friend about something my car had done that night when I got in to leave work.  He messaged me back and we were messaging back and forth when it hit me.

The proposition  I made my good friend, when everything happen with the new truck I bought. I haven’t been that desperate but I have been that pissed off. Over being lied to, taken advantage of and the $4000 I just gave him for the truck.

Still that isn’t something I would of said to just any o body like this guy from work or what.

 

 

 

 



{November 13, 2019}   73 and Freezing

It is 73 degrees in my office and I am freezing. It was 60 this morning and said it wasn’t going to get over 70 today. I don’t know what it is outside right now. I have had the air off all day and can’t get warm. I am temped to open my little heater and plug it in. But I only have about 45 minutes of my dad left and don’t feel like messing with it. I was cool but not this cold through the day. The fact I am sleepy and irritated and thinking about everything today don’t help either. Being sleepy makes it worse and then being cold makes me sleeper. I just need 2 hours added to the day to sleep. I think I would be alright. I don’t know why two I just feel like if I had two extra hours at the end of the day once I got home and in bed that I could sleep I would be alright.

Enough of my rambling I need to get off here and figure out what I am having for dinner and lock things up so I can get to my next job. I am there until 12 so I can make up hours.



{November 8, 2019}   Shit Talking 101

I told you a while back in my post 34 to 54 and Us in-between about the one driver at my night job trying to take me and the other guy I work with at night out for a drink and to hang out. When he said no he kept asking me. We have been messaging back and forth and talk on the phone once in awhile. But that is it nothing else at all. He keeps trying to get me to go out with him and meet him and “help” him out. We mostly just joke around.

He said to me the other day I know nothing is ever going to happen between us, your just easy to talk to, joke around with and fun to talk to. I’m not trying to offend you or make you made. I said nope don’t make me mad. Takes a lot to get to me or make me made.

So he is always saying stuff and talking shit. I told him the other day all you guys take that same Shit Talking 101 class and think you are the man. You all say the same thing and it gets none of you anywhere. He comes off with class I wrote the book. Blah, blah. I laughed and told him I wouldn’t admit to that. Later I told him, he may want to rewrite that book and do some more research. It comes up here and there I say something about that class. He said something I said you really should just burn the book. He said yeah I think you are right. It has been no help so far.

He said something about getting together maybe if he kept trying one day I would change my mind.

I said you can get in line with the others but it never moves just so you know. I sent him this picture

He says I skipped and jumped ahead I’m first in line. I said first middle last next to the back or front really means nothing when the line never moves.

Another time we were talking and he was saying something and I made a wise crack. He said why do you have to be so mean and cold? Laughed. I sent

 

He made comments back and then says and as for my balls….um…um. yeah I don’t know what to say to that.

 

I replied

 

 

 

 

Last week I posted that I was looking for an office or two, to clean on the weekend. He massaged me a few days later and said he had carpet to put down in his truck and wanted to know if I wanted to clean the truck and help him lay the carpet.

I laughed at him and said oh so is that what you guys are calling it now laying carpet? He said no no really I seen you were looking to make some extra money and I need the truck cleaned. Doors, windows, windshield, shelves, bunk all that. I need the floor cleaned good so I can lay the carpet. I may need help getting it cut and laid down so it don’t take forever. I’m not trying to get you in my truck and do something. I said um hum sure I bet you have some candy too.

He said no we all pretty much keep the same truck we do what we want or with them and have to keep them clean. He said really if you talk to some of the other guys they may pay you to clean theirs out when they get back from their runs. Most don’t feel like it or want to take the time to clean them.

I told him I would have to see I wasn’t sure. That it would depend what time I got off work. it was Friday the kids wait up for me to get off and come home on Fridays since there is no school the next day. I had to go home normal time so they weren’t waiting because my little one gets tired and would fall a sleep.

I told him maybe one other night during the week when I got off since they would already be a sleep and I didn’t have to rush home. He showed up to put the carpet in the truck and show me he really had carpet and wasn’t just saying it and he really needed it cleaned. Earlier when we were messaging about it he asked me how much. I really don’t want to do it because it is late and I am tired after work. I didn’t want to do it being out there and in the truck and things because you know how people talk and I don’t want to have shit started about oh being in his truck or whatever. Even if just joking someone takes it to far and I would go off, say something and who knows where it would go from there.

I told him $25 he said that was steep, I said I don’t know never done anything like that before. He said it is only about 30 minutes worth of work probably. I said I don’t know how much is it worth or what do you think? What were you thinking to pay? He said no I pay it that is alright. I am just thinking it is late, I am doing this during the week after working two full shifts, I’m tired and even if it is only 30 minutes of work is it worth it to me for less than $25? It is a one time thing not full time like if it was an office or what i was looking for. So if he really wants it done and to make it worth it to me to do it when it is harder to do than cleaning an office really at least $25. Because I have to climb up in the truck get around and under everything in a tight space, up and down with supplies buckets of water and things to clean and clean the floor. bending under and around everything. I don’t have all that in an office I’m not bending under and around stuff to clean the fools or under the dash and things in an office. That is all hard on my back and getting all the buckets and things of water up and down. That is like cleaning bathrooms, making beds and that kind of thing that kills my back and I can’t do all the time. That is why offices are easier and I can go in there at 3 am on a Saturday or Sunday or 9 pm. As long as it is clean before they get back Monday. I am not having to do it after a double shift tired and wore out already.  I never did do it he didn’t get a hold of me over the weekend and is back out. I figure he will want to do it when he gets back. Hopefully he forgets it or does it himself.

He is a nice guy but just older than I am looking for and he isn’t looking for anything other than someone to go to dinner with or have drinks with once in a while when he is here and hook up with. I am not looking for that. I’m not looking to get into anything with anyone from work. Friends that is it nothing more.

 



et cetera
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