I guess around July/September of last year JW decided he would go get a vesectomy. So after we came back from our trip in September he made an appointment. They seen him in October for a check up then told him they would call him with a date.

They finally called in November and set him up for January 20th. So we played the waiting game.

Why he was waiting he was supposed to get information from his mom. Because when he was about 3 or 4 something was wrong with one of his testicles and they had to remove it. Luckily all the test came back fine but I guess there was no way of knowing without taking it. Not sure of the reasoning behind it all.

But when he went for his check up they told him they were not sure if they took the testicle and the tube out or just the testicle. They couldn’t find the tube if they left it. They told him if they were not able to see it when they went in there or find it there was a chance the vasectomy wouldn’t work because that tube wouldn’t get done. For some reason I guess it could get down under other things they may not see it think it was gone.

Again I am not sure I wasn’t there and you know how guys are with relaying information. I kept asking him if he had asked his mom about it he kept saying now.

When she was hear I asked him when we were all in the van going somewhere if he had talked to her about it. He said no. She was asking what he said nothing.

She went home and he still hadn’t asked her. I said something one more time about it and left it alone. The night before he was to go I messaged her and asked her if he had asked her anything about his operation from when he was a kid?

She said no, why? Is something wrong? Is he okay? I told her he was fine thing wrong. But that he was going to get this done the next day and what they were saying. That he has had since October to ask her. She said she wasn’t sure it had been so long ago she didn’t remember them saying. But that they did say they didn’t know if he would have kids or not. By that I figured they had probably taken everything out.

We talked a little more she was happy he was going to do it. She said she been trying to get him to do it for 20 years. She said of he knew we were talking about this he would have a fit. I said I know but he needs to know won’t ask. She told me to let her know when he was done and that everything went ok. I said I would.

The next day I went with him and waited while he had it done. He was back there for a long time. I was starting to get a little worried. He finally came out after 2 hours or more. He said it only took a couple minutes to do it. The rest of the time he was waiting to have it done.

They only do them Friday and then they scheduled as many as they can back to back. They go from one to the other they are all there in their room or waiting area prepared they come in and do it. Then you are pretty much free to go in just a few minutes.

He came out he said they told him the other tube had been removed so there shouldn’t be any issues. He said they cut, burnt and clipped the one that was there. In two months he has to take a sample to the hospital and drop it off to be tested. As long as that comes back okay we will have the all clear.

It will be so nice not having to stress about accidentally getting pregnant again. I am so glad he agreed to go get it taken care of. I have been through so much this last pregnancy and have seen so many horrible stories of issues after wards. My sister was very messed up when they tied her tubes. I wasn’t going to do it. To much of a risk of them “nicking” other things why they are doing it. I figured I am 42 now I should be going through menopause soon I hope. With in the next 2 to 3 years. I know it’s later most the time but most I know did by 45/ 46. I don’t know.

His recovery was good he went to work Sunday and worked a full shift. He said he was a little sore but not to bad. He had a few times he just laid around for the day when he was off or got home but not much.i think it took about 2.5 weeks before he wasn’t having some kind of pain. But he didn’t use ice or anything and didn’t rest as much as he should of. It’s been over a month and he is fine.

Now to get the other part done in March and wait for results.

Since I was left with nothing to do that 2 hours he was back there I went online and found some things and posted them on his Facebook page for him.

There isn’t good service there so it took awhile to go through. We stopped at the store and headed home for him to rest. We were about halfway home and I guess he got good service again and his phone started going off. I had forgotten all about it.

In a minute he goes really? You really think you’re funny don’t you? Think you got jokes. I looked at him so confused was like what? I also did not know he had checked his phone so I really was confused. He goes the stuff you put up on my page. I busted out laughing.

He was like that isn’t funny. I said you left me alone all that time with nothing else to do. He said next time you are going back with me if I have to go to the doctor. I said you forgot they don’t let anyone go back with you and laughed. He said then I’m taking your phone with me and then he laughed. He wasn’t really mad just joking around. Little does be know what I found for when he gets the all clear in a few months haha.

Oldest worked at the Sea Food place from February to March. Then she got a job at a store in the mall and worked there for a while. Then over the summer she got a job at Red Lobster. She was doing half a week at one and half at the other because the mall job wouldn’t give her full time. They got really crazy about what they wanted her to do and things. They wanted her to get everyone to sign up for their store card. They told her she had to get so many people to sign up for their discount card and then she would get a new job title and get a raise. She got what they wanted and they didn’t give her the raise. Then late they had this meeting about it and actually told them to beg them to take it. Where we are and where she is working is a big tourist area so must people are not going to ever come back to that store or not for a year or more. A lot of the other customers are elderly and don’t want to give all their information out and you can’t blame them. Everyone else either have it or just don’t want it or maybe just don’t have time to stand there and give them all the information they want at the time. Whatever the reason they don’t want it they point is they do not want it and she shouldn’t have to beg them to take it.

But she worked there for a while I think she finally quit in November. I know she did it because she wanted to bank money and she wanted a car. She ended up buying a car a couple days before Halloween. I found it while I was at work so I took off early to take her to look at it. Because I was on one end of the county and it was on the other and everyone had work and things right after I got off work. JW ended up being late for work by the time we checked it out and everything. But at the price of cars right now and with the money she had to work with it was too good to pass up if it was as good as the ad said.

I told the guy we would be up there in about an hour and half and he said that was fine he would meet us at the McDonalds right there. He didn’t bring people to his house or let people know where he lived. We got there about the same time. The car was really nice. It is a 2010 HHR the body is in really good shape I didn’t see any dents or damage to it. The inside was spotless, the only thing wrong on the inside is a few little burn holes in the passenger seat. It looks like maybe an elderly person had it and took good care of it.

The guy she bought it from was really young probably her age if not, not much older than her. I was surprised He let us test drive it he went with us. He said he had went to the other coast and bought it for a friend and then they didn’t want it they up and moved out of state. He said he had been buying and selling cars since the beginning of the year. He was talking about working on them and things. I asked him if he had any vans or suv’s I was looking for something. He said no. I told him I had one I was waiting for the place to get ready but I hadn’t seen it and it was taking them a while to get it ready I really needed something. He asked me what it was and I told him he kind of just looked funny and didn’t say anything. I said I know they are known for having these issues but it is all I can find right now. I have to get something asap. He said yes they do he said they can be bad I don’t even buy them. He said he would look around see if he could find something but vehicle’s are hard to come by right now at a decent price. I said I know this is why I am buying what I am.

After we test drive it the only issue I seen with it was the traction control wouldn’t go off. I told her I felt it was okay to buy and that I would buy it if it had been big enough to put everyone in for the price he wanted for it. Like I told her even if she had to put another $1000 into it between the part and labor she still got a really good deal on it. Because she gave the kid $2650 for it. She was looking at cars that were over 20 years old held together by putty and who knows what and tore up inside for $4000 or more. They had a ton of miles on them as well and most had some kind of mechanical issues. I said you are going to end up paying over $2650 and then still have to put money for parts and labor into it. At least this one you can tell had been taken care of and over all seems to have no major issues with the motor or anything. He wanted over $3000 and they haggled to the $2650.

So now she has her first car and a decent first car. I have never owned a car that new. I told her too look at the 2009 suv I bought that looked brand new inside and out for $4000 and it blew up in 88 miles. This kid seemed like a decent good kid and he is out here that young making a business for himself and trying to go somewhere. He didn’t seem like the type that would sell her something knowing something was horribly wrong with it. Just like he told me about the one I was looking at buying. He didn’t have anything to sell me so it wasn’t like he was going to get my money if he scared me out of buying it. He just wanted me to know they are known for issues. So far it has been a really good car.

She just had to get her drivers license so she can drive it. She is scared to drive but has been doing better. She was working so much she didn’t really have time to go learn. Now she says she is going to go to a school to teach her and then go get it. She is just worried about something happening. But I think she will do fine. It maybe good for someone besides me to teach her. I try to help her and let her do it but there are just some things that she dose I have to say something about and scares me. I am very happy for her and proud of her for working hard and getting herself a car not just blowing the money.

I was stressed from everything going on being so sick the the new baby and just over all trying to get the house put together everything unpacked. (It’s still not). I just needed a break. I decided to take a weekend trip. I was going to go to South Carolina to see my friend J. But then I started thinking about JW’s kids and them not seeing the baby yet. He hadn’t seen them since COVID and his youngest daughter’s graduation.

His birthday is in October so I decided to take a trip up to see them. As an early birthday gift, but it was going to be a surprise. I let him think we were going to my friends still. I took about a month to plan and get everything straight. I told the kids and told them not to tell him or anyone. Because I know his mom has a big ass mouth and can’t keep shit to herself.

I decided we would go up where his two younger kids live since we had been talking about moving up to that area or close by. His oldest is just less than 2 hours a way in Tennessee. She said she would come over and get a room for the weekend. We got it all set up I let them know at work and told him to let them know. We were leaving on Thursday night driving straight through the night and get there Friday morning. I wanted to have the weekend up there and to drive through the night so the baby would sleep.

Then his oldest tells me she can’t come she doesn’t have money for the room. I wasn’t sure what to do about her I told her to wait not cancel it. Let me get back with her about it. I figured things out and was able to pay for her room as well. She said soon as she had it she would give it back to me. I haven’t seen it yet. But that’s okay, if we do it again or something again she “don’t have the money” I am just going to tell her sorry we will miss her and leave it at that. If she comes she comes. If not okay.

JW took the wrong day off he took off Friday Eve thought he doesn’t work Fridays. I sent him messages over and over telling him the day he swears he called me and ask I told him Friday. But why didn’t him or his job question it when he doesn’t work Fridays? I am positive I told him the right day because it was important that he have the day we left off. I wanted him to help pack the truck and things. I also wanted him to sleep some so he could drive first or shortly into the trip, I had been up since 5 am so I knew I would be tired earlier than him. He didn’t and didn’t try to change it.

As I said the shop had my truck and got nothing done. I didn’t even have my truck when I was heading to drop him off at work I was trying to figure out what to do. I was so tired and stressed. I was telling him I needed his help and to please just call in. I never ask him to call unless it was something we really needed to take care of or I just really needed him. I had ask him to take extra time off when I had the baby because of how sick I was before and after and needing to get the house cleaned out. He got mad he was mad this night too.

He started telling me it wasn’t his fault things weren’t done and that he had to work. Telling me how I could take care of it all and laid the truck and everything else that had to be done to go. I was telling him I just needed help, I needed him with me. He just acted like a dick. I was so upset and hurt I was screaming going down the street on the way to take him to work. Mind you at the time I was dealing with horrible post Partum depression. He just didn’t get it he said I was being selfish and just get the kids to do it. I lost it when I was screaming at him I said do you know where we are going? He said yeah to see your friends you wanted to take this trip I will just stay home I don’t even want to go with you. I said no we aren’t going to see my friend, he insisted we were. I said no we are going to see your kids. He said no we aren’t we are going to see your friends. I said no that’s what I told you but we aren’t we are going to visit your kids so they can meet the baby and you can see them as an early birthday gift. He just looked at me and was like well all this isn’t my fault. You are taking it out on me. I said no it isn’t your fault it isn’t mine. I am not saying it’s anyone’s I didn’t expect this. But I am telling you all this happened unexpectedly and fault aside, and planned or not I am telling you I need help and asking you to please help me. He just went to work. Never said anything about the fact we were going to see his kids or anything.

I wanted to say fuck it and not even go, but I did want to get away and relax. I wanted to check things out. I asked the girls what there was to do around there and told them I didn’t want to go do a bunch of like tourist like stuff but I didn’t want to go and sit in the motel all weekend either. Just get out do whatever. They said okay.

I picked him up from work we got gas and things and got on the road by about 11. Not even sure my truck was going to even make it. I drove up to Jacksonville let him drive up into Georgia and took over again. I had to stop not to far up the road from where we stopped to eat and I took over. I just couldn’t hold my eyes open and kept going off the road.

I stopped at a rest area and took about a 30 minute power nap went to the bathroom and we got back on the road. once it got day light we were in bigger area with a ton of traffic I had him take over. The rest of the way about an hour or two.

We got to the motel around 10 and his daughter was already there. We couldn’t check in so we went to get breakfast. I ended up paying for all their meals her and the boyfriend all weekend. Dinner for everyone two nights. We didn’t do anything other than go shopping to get things we needed why we were there. Someone said something about the flea market we could of went there or took the baby to the park or anything but no. The younger two kids we seen for maybe 2 hours why we were there all together they worked and had stuff to do.

I said something to JW about just sitting in the motel he was like there is nothing to do around here. I said there is something I’m sure. What about the flea market and things in a town or so away? We passed a bunch of stuff. So Sunday after we checked out of the motel we went picked his ex wives step dad up and went to the flea market. He found out JW was there and he wanted to see him and the baby. So his son went to pick him up we followed him because we had to follow him to the flea market. I seen where he use to live up there before he came back here. I didn’t care we picked him up he went with us. He was nice the baby liked him. Everyone said they were much closer to him than their grandma. He liked the baby and told him to have us bring him back him JW would take him fishing like they did JWs other son when he was little. He told JW he better treat me right and take care of me he did good and he was happy to see he was doing so well and happy.

Once we left the flea market we said goodbye to everyone and left. I wanted to find some other things to do close by and travel home in the night like we traveled there. I wanted the baby to sleep. He insisted we needed to get home we both worked the next day me early at 6am. I was fine but he was worried about it. We got few towns down and stopped for a bit and got us some lunch. I wanted to get something decent because we been having breakfast stuff and fast food for dinner in the evening. We stopped at Applebee’s.

The rest of the trip we stopped a couple little places for a few minutes. Mostly just to calm the baby because he was horrible on the way home screaming none stop it seemed like. A 9 to 10 hour trip took almost 18 hours.

Over all I am glad they got to meet the baby and he got to see his kids. But if I had it to do over again I wouldn’t do it again. I would of went to South Carolina and seen my friend. It would of been a much more relaxed trip and enjoyable. But they all had a good time I guess.

Little Bitty went to the doctor for a checkup or something and they were talking about how small she is. She is 9 and 40lbs still. She was on the chart just below the other kids her age. But now she is falling off the charts. They sent her to a specialist to get testing and figure out what is going on. He couldn’t find anything and said she needed to go to a GI doctor.

He sent us home with paperwork for a bunch of test first. He said he wanted to get these test done first because the GI doctor would want to go straight to scoping her and he didn’t want them to do that if it could be avoided.

We did the first round and it came back she isn’t absurding the nutrition like she should. But they said the test could be wrong so we have to reduce it and if it comes back the same we see what doctor we go to from there. If it is fine we see where we go from there. I just hope it isn’t something to bad and they can take care of it easily and she doesn’t have to go through to much.

So shortly after I started back to work My Good Friend called me and said that DCF/CPS was at his house and they needed someone to take the kids. He said for a week probably at the most. I told him let me talk to JW and call him back in just a few minutes.

Me and JW talked about and figured out we could make room and make it work I had a felling it would be longer than a week but we would cross that bridge when we got to it. His kids can be a handful. I love them to death like they are my own but they are 4 little boys and they are all little boys. I figured we would try it for the week or two and if it was going to be longer we would see how things were working out.

I called him back and the worker got on the phone with me and started talking about it would be longer than a week. It would probably be closer to a year. I was telling JW what she was saying and put her on speaker. We were just looking at each other like should we or shouldn’t we? Can we handle this for a while? I thought about it and stopped her. I said okay let me ask you a few questions? I asked her what we had to do to qualify and about background checks and things like that. She asked what was on it and I told her. She said we didn’t qualify. Because of a charge he has from years ago with his ex.

Later he asked me if I would do visitation for him because they didn’t have anyone to do it. I told him yes, and he said he had to get me the paperwork to go do the background check. I filled it all out and went to do it. They called said I passed and we could start doing the visits. They gave me his sisters phone number and said to get in touch with her to set everything up. I hate his sister she is such a trouble maker. She tries to start shit with everyone regardless if she knows them or if they have anything to do with her or not. I hadn’t talk to her in years and asked a question on line and she tried to start there. I didn’t even get a chance to contact her and she was calling me. I had already made my mind up that I was not talking to her on the phone. All communication would be by text so it was in writing and she couldn’t say I said something I didn’t or twist what all I said. In a minute when I didn’t answer she was messaging me.

First thing she started about what was allowed and what wasn’t and when she could meet to bring them and how she is really busy so she needs a set schedule and wanted a commitment of days and hours that would be the same from the time we started until they didn’t need someone to do it anymore. I told her I was not doing that. I told her I would give her a schedule every Friday for the following week. She insisted that wasn’t good enough. Then she was telling me all this other stuff she said was the “rules” they told her had to be followed and that if it wasn’t set for good she wouldn’t be able to guarantee she would approve the days or hours.

I hung straight up and called the worker and said I need to get some answers because I don’t know that what she is telling me is right and I can’t do all the demands that she wants. The worker said no giving her days and hours the Friday before was fine but it maybe hard for her to have them there over the weekend if the only notice she had was Friday. I said no the I will give her days and times on Friday that will start for that Monday through Sunday and Friday she will get a new one. So if she got it this Friday the week times would be the following not the next day. She set other things straight and basically like I thought she was just trying to twist everything and make it her way or no way. I wasn’t playing that game with her. I had to do that a few times and it got to the point where if something came up I had a question about or needed to let her know that I knew could be an issues because she wouldn’t like it, I would call her text the worker let her know what we wanted to do and ask her if that was alright and we had permission to do it. Once she said yes then I would message her and let her know that this was what was going on and what we needed to do or plan to do. I would add at the end this has been approved by the worker already. That way she couldn’t say to much about it. She still would but it didn’t do any good.

She had the kids so restricted that I was only doing it two sometimes three days a week because she couldn’t meet until this time or that time and she would have a problem with me picking the kids up from daycare or camp. She didn’t want to put me on the list so she would have to let them know every time I needed to do it. Then it would be a mess because she wouldn’t tell them and they would have to call her and of course they wouldn’t be able to get a hold of her. Then when her brother would message her she would magically be available and call. But it would take 2 or 3 times longer to get them picked up and get where we needed to be. She got to where she would show up late to drop them off or bring half of them off and someone else would have the rest and be bringing them. Then knowing I needed to leave on time she would show up late. It was always a fight to get something set up then she would be late.

Me and JW took a trip in September and My good friend was supposed to fix my truck. His dad was supposed to do it. I gave him the truck 3 weeks before we were to leave for a job that was supposed to take a weekend. It wasn’t done the night I was supposed to leave and then there was more of a mess. And his dad didn’t do it his brother did. His brother wasn’t supposed to ever be touching any of my vehicles. I had already told him I wouldn’t be doing any more days until a week or so after I got back.

I was talking to JW on the trip and I told him I wasn’t doing anymore days. Putting up with all the shit I was from his sister and all that I was going to keep putting up with from her if I kept doing it and he couldn’t do something as simple as get my truck fixed for me to make sure it would make it on this trip and be safe. I had no choice but to take it because I had nothing else. He agreed that it should of been a top priority and that his brother should of never been touching it. He kept asking about it when I got back and if I had figured out anything yet.

I really didn’t know how I was going to do it anyway because the boys started kickboxing three days a week and Little Bitty started dance 2 days a week when public school started back. I started an appointment every week I had to go to as well and Little Bitty had one on top of dance. I just told him I had to much on my plate he just said okay. I figured he was going to say something about it and I was just going to tell him that after the way I was done over my truck I wasn’t doing it. If it came between our friendship it just did. I could of worked it into my week but it would of cut into our family time and my down time. Just the 4 hours a week I was doing had me wore out and stressed out just dealing with her. I was over that as well because the workers got to where they were just telling everyone what they wanted to hear. I didn’t want to be in the middle of it anymore. I wanted to tell him that I was mad about my truck that was really why I wasn’t doing it but I just let it go as there was to much going on because there really was. I felt horrible not doing it because of the kids. I had such a good time with them most the time when we were out and they would always be just as happy to see me as their parents. I got to be really close with the one he was just a real sweetheart and was my buddy. But I couldn’t handle it anymore. I was so grouchy and nasty all the time because I wasn’t ever getting 5 minutes to myself and I was always running.

He still hadn’t seen them in October when Halloween rolled around so I told him if they would let them they could bring them and go trick or treating with us and the kids. But that I would have my kids with me and JW would be with me. I wasn’t going to not spend it with my kids and then go spend it with his. I told him to talk to the worker and I would set up a place and time and he could let them know. So that is what we did and she meet us over at JW job and we went around there because it was getting late by the time he got off and could go with us. She said something about all them being with me. He told her the worker knew and that he was there to take care of our kids so I could help watch them better. She didn’t say anything else after that.

I think that was the last time they seen them until a week or two a go. He messaged me and said they finally had all the paperwork done and got to go to court again and got it approved for them to have unsupervised visits in public with the kids. They can go to a movie or park, the mall or libabry. Really anywhere as long as it isn’t their house or someone else. If that goes good for a bit they will be able to take them home and start doing over nights. Then hopefully they can go home for good.

That was a mess and a half and I was so glad to be done with it. I felt guilty because I was out at the parks and things with them more than I was getting to do stuff with my own. Just a lot going on.

I planned to go back to work the week after his mom left but ended up taking another week or so off. It was so close to Little Bitty’s birthday I wanted to wait until we celebrated that. I had all this time off it seem wrong to go back a day or two before her birthday and tell her sorry spend the day without me I’m going to work and we will do your birthday in a week on the weekend. Her birthday was a Monday so I went back to work on Tuesday. It was funny because work called that day to get an idea of when I was coming back because I hadn’t set a date at that point. I had a lot of time I could take off and was considering working from home. I just told them I had a birthday that day I would be in the next day.

Little Bitty turned 9 just two months after I had the baby. We had dinner and took her to the fair. She had a blast. As soon as we walked in a guy came over gave us information about a magic show they were getting ready to do. We decided to sit and watch it.

I didn’t know but JW had went over and talked to the guy doing the show and told him it was Little Bitty’s birthday we were there celebrating. At the end of the show the last trick he asked for someone else to come up and help he picked her. She didn’t want to go at first she finally did. he did this thing where he put this whit coat painter’s smock on her then gave her a brush told her to paint this glass. When it was done he pulls it out it said happy birthday on it she looked so confused because she hadn’t told him it was her birthday. Then he had her take the jacket off and give it back. then he goes wait something is in this jacket, it’s really heavy. Did you notice how heavy it was and asked her if she felt felt something in it? She was saying no and looking funny. He pulls this big live bird out of the jacket. She was amazed.

The next day I went back to work. I had been moved from my desk to the little one in the hall in the back. So I could be closer to the people in the team I work with. I now almost a year later think it’s so everyone don’t see how much I sit here and do nothing most days. But I was a little pissed off at first. But after a day or two I decided I am not excited about it but it is nicer than being upfront. I have more interaction with the drivers and the others in my group.

I was working every other Saturday when I first came back but only an hour or two. It was the first Saturday back after my leave I was here with my boss. We were talking about the new camera’s in the trucks and how people were covering the speakers or tilting them up or down away from the road. So he told me to go out and check all the trucks that were on the yard at the time and make sure they weren’t covered and aimed the right way. He wanted a list and pictures of any with issues so we could call the driver in and speak to them about it. And they couldn’t deny it if we had pictures.

I went and got my phone and pad of paper and go get in the first truck and checked it. I couldn’t get in the 2nd one because it was locked. I walked into the shop and asked them for their key and went back out to unlock it. I got up in the truck was sitting in the seat both feet flat on the floor of the truck. I looked up at the camera checked it and started making my note. The next thing I knew I felt all this pain and open my eyes and was trying to figure out where I was what was going on. As I am slamming against the truck. I realized I was falling out of the truck and hitting the steps on the truck on the way down. I landed on my left foot some how when I first fell. Then fell the rest of the way down hitting my right side, butt, elbow and wrist before hitting the grown.

I hurt some but my left foot was killing me. I hobbled around and got in and out of the other trucks and checked them, took the key back to the shop. Then I came in and went to my boss’s office and sat down. I told him I fell out of the truck and I thought I had jammed my toes on my left foot. They hurt like heck. I took my shoe and sock off because I had my sneakers on and looked at my foot. It seemed okay so I put it back on. I was done with everything but still had a few hours to go. I told him I was going home I was hurting. I cleaned my wrist up were it started bleeding and left. I truly did not think much of it. I was laughing about my dumbass falling out of the truck and jamming my toes beating myself up. I was also very confused about what happened and how I fell.

By the time I got home my foot was swollen up huge. I took my shoe off and propped it up. I just spent the weekend staying off of it as much as I could considering I had a newborn. By Monday when I got to work I decided I needed to get it looked at because something was wrong. I told HR when she got in. Then called work comp and they sent me to have it checked at the walk in clinic.

I finally was taken back and they did x rays of my whole foot. They came in all worried about it and said I broke my little toe at the base of my foot. They said it was a bad place to have a break because it could shift and need to be operated on. So I went home and called comp and let them know.

It took them forever to get me in to see someone to find out what I had to do. They put me in a boot and told me to keep it on until I can get in and see the other doctor. It was horrible and uncomfortable and killing me the way my back and hips are. Finally right before Easter I got in to see someone. He was an ass. I did not like him and he acted as if I was stupid for coming in, I was wasting his time. He never ask to look at it told me nothing to do for it. When I told him what the other place said and that I may need a different boot and things he got snippy with me. He said you don’t even really need to wear the boot. The whole time his tech is sitting behind him and looking shocked and like he can’t believe what he was saying and the way he was talking to me. He said I think you should wear your boot at least 4 weeks or so. The doctor was like yeah you can if you want.

I left there so angry and ready to call comp and tell them to get me in to see someone else. But I waited the 4 weeks or whatever they said it should take and my follow up was scheduled for. I called them about a week before my follow up and told them I was not going back to him how he treated me and what the owner of the company I work for said about him and others. That I was not going back to have him tell them everything was fine and release me from care and them drop me until someone checked it again. It had been a week or more when I went to him and he didn’t bother to x ray it and check to see if the bone had moved or if it started to heal or anything. At the point I contacted them it was still extremely painful. I was still wearing a boot.

We did Easter at home and then took the kids to the park and met up with my sister and her family. We let the kids hunt Easter eggs and took pictures. I was surprised his family didn’t get together and do something since they are very religious. They get together for Christmas and Thanksgiving, I assumed they would then too but they didn’t. That was fine with me it was nice to just stay home relax and see my sister. Just having the baby and being in the boot and trying to stay off my foot I didn’t really want to go anyway.

Over all April was a pretty good month. I was ready to go back to work as well. Just could of done without breaking my poor toe.

Since I was supposed to have the baby the end of February his mom had planned to make her next trip down in March instead of July like she normally does. She couldn’t wait to see the baby. She went over picked her friend up on the way here and brought her down with her. She was in South Carolina. She went to her daughter’s house to stay and his mom went to her sister’s to stay. She always stays there.

JW quit his job right before she came down. I think the 11th was his last day. We talked about it and we did not want the baby in daycare. Daycare or in home care would cost more than he was making in a month. Me quitting my job was not a. Option. I was making almost twice what he did in a week. My hours are do flexible as are my days. I get decent benefits it has taken me to long to get where I am and to have the flexibility. Plus we would never make it on what he made even if I worked part time. So we decided he would find a different job and work evening’s. As long as he could pay his child support, give me some each week and have something left for himself.

Since his mom was coming we agreed he would work out the next week and then be done. I agree to pay his child support for 2 months so he could take time to find something that would work around the hours he could work and let him be off on Friday and Saturday. This way he didn’t have to just jump on the first thing offered. He was going to take off the week his mom was here and then start looking and applying. And get the info for child support so we could pay it until he started working again.

His mom came and was just thrilled to see the baby. He got to spend some time with her. We went a few places and seen some of their friends. Then had a little BBQ at the house so others could get together and see her before she left since they weren’t able to set up a time to see her. Over all it was a good visit. It was nice to have him home for a bit.

{February 20, 2023}   Happy Birthday 🎉🎈

January 29 and 30 was the baby and oldest birthdays. We we’re going to do the babies birthday last weekend and take oldest out this weekend. But it just all didn’t happen. So we did the party this weekend.

we did a party for and did cake and ice cream for the two of them. It just reminded me why I don’t do parties. I figured it would why I couldn’t get into it and really didn’t want to do it.

My brother and his family were already going away for the weekend. I didn’t know that. My sister and her family got sick with a stomach bug. We just had that last week. His friend was moving but said he was coming of course no one heard from them until later when we were trying to do cake. Bff oh she wasn’t coming she was going back to work. She didn’t have to go she could of went later or another day. But she been making excuses for days. It was something different each time. But had already told me how her boyfriend wanted to go to his friends that day at that time. So I am sure the way she is she had to run and do just what he wanted her to do. A friend and her kids came over with her kids and we still had a good time.

But I’m not doing any more parties. I stopped doing them before for this reason we go to all these parties and no one shows up even when they say they are. I just started doing cake with the family at home, dinner they want made or dinner out and then gifts or an outing. That is what I am going to go back to doing. Like bff I have been to parties for 4 of her kids recently. Three this year so far. Just not doing parties no more. Kids seem to have more fun when we go out anyway.

It’s just aggravating when you put it out ahead of time and people say they are coming and don’t. I made a huge pork roast and made pulled pork. Homemade Dr. Pepper BBQ sauce and bought all the other food. I am just glad I didn’t buy a bunch because I had a feeling not to many were going to show up.

His friend said he wanted to come over yesterday once JW got off work to bring the baby what he got him. He wants us to come over tonight for dinner and see his new house. he didn’t come over. I picked JW up from work and we did a quick shopping trip the ran to the kids store to get a monitor. It’s a ways from the house I asked him about going he was like yeah let’s go. I stopped by to see my grandma because I don’t get down there that often that I am not in a rush. I figured if he messaged him about coming over he would say something. We could be home in about 25 minutes. I wasn’t worried about sitting around waiting on him to text or come by because he all the time tells him come by this day or that or he is going to and he doesn’t hear from him again for weeks. If he is supposed to go over there he will call and call or message and get no response. So he could wait a few minutes for us to get home.

I am not going to dinner tonight, I am sure he didn’t invite everyone just me JW and the baby not the rest of the kids. It’s a week night I have to get them dinner and me and JW have to be up at 4am all week. We were up at 4 this morning and hardly slept last night. I really do not think he will get in touch. That is fine. I don’t really want to be over there hanging out and I don’t want JW to get back into stuff.

For now I better get off her and get some more work done. I already did everything for the day I just have to pull my fuel report do my review and write up the report and send it. I just don’t feel like doing it. I want to be snuggled up in bed.

Now here we are the day my handsome baby boy came into the world. One day before his oldest sister’s 18th birthday. Talk about starting over. A while back Mr. 12 says mom you have an adult, a teen,a pre teen, a kid and a baby. How’s that feel? What’s that like? I didn’t know if I wanted to cry or laugh. That’s a whole different post for another time.

they finally get me and baby settled and things calmed down. They were worried about baby because he had used the bathroom before I had him so it took a bit between that and getting me stitched up and I wanted a shower. Once we were settled he called his family I called some of mine. We spent some time with the baby and then he went and picked the kids up and brought them to meet the baby. I think he stayed at the house with the kids that night and then came back up Sunday.

Sunday I was looking forward to going home that afternoon. They came in and out doing everything they needed to do and we just sat there. Then the doctor for the baby came in and talked to us. They said they had good news and bad news.

They said the baby had to go to a NICU at the other hospital. They said he tested positive for the std I was treated for in the very beginning. They said it happens and that they would treat him and do more test. The good news was that they had a bed for him at the hospital in the same area by where I work so about 30 minutes away. Instead of the other county 50 or more miles away. They said they had to take him by ambulance and there was only one that transferred babies and it did have to come from the other county. It maybe a little bit before they got there. It was really no time before they got there to take him. I couldn’t go with him. I wasn’t even discharged from the hospital yet. They took him and the nurse told me that the doctor would be in soon to let me go so I could be with the baby. The doctor never came until that evening about dinner time. I wasn’t feeling great so wasn’t thinking. I should of just left against medical advice wasn’t like they weren’t planning to let me go anyway. But I was just still not thinking right.

By the time I got to see my baby again it was after 8pm. I didn’t realize how bad I was still doing until I had to walk around this huge hospital to get to where the baby was. Then leave and go home. I hurt I was so sore I could hardly move. Almost doubled over. That was not normal at all for me after having a baby. Normally I was home and back to daily life with in 24 hrs.

We got to the hospital seen the baby and talked with the doctor. She told us they were giving formula because he was dehydrated. They tried to do a spinal tap but couldn’t get it because he was. They had to do it again later. They we’re doing other test to see if the illness had went to his brain or in his bones and all kinds of stuff. They said they had to clean his lungs out a lot more because they didn’t do a good job at the other hospital the day before when he was born. They were worried about his lungs since he was so little and it was down there. But they had an IV in doing antibiotics for the other so it would help if anything was trying to start in the lungs. I got to feed him and hold him a little bit and rock him. I think we stayed and did the last feeding at 10 or 11 and then went home. They said the doctor would be there at like 5 or 6 in the morning doing their rounds and would sit and go over everything with us and answer any questions and let us know where we were going from that point.

We left and it was so odd and weird leaving the hospital without my baby. It was weird leaving the one I had him at to go see him where he was. But it was harder leaving him. I have never ever left any of my kids or babies in a hospital and not stayed with them the whole time. Never have I went home after having one of them did I have to go home and not be able to take them. I just cried on the way home. I was all over the place.

We went home and I made it inside and seen the other kids for a bit got a shower and went to bed. Sorry maybe a little to much TMI. I started feeling sick and very uncomfortable. I had not used the bathroom since before I had the baby. They normally ask before you leave the hospital and make sure you have before they let you. I didn’t say anything because I wanted to go see my baby. I figured it would be fine by that evening it wasn’t even 24 hours hardly since I had him. I also noticed that there wasn’t as much blood as there was after having my other kids. It was more water. I also kept feeling as if I had to go to the bathroom but couldn’t. Then my stomach started bothering me. I ended up trying to go to the bathroom and puking in the bath tub. It was bad it was everything I had eaten since I had the baby and it wasn’t digested some of it had been over 24 hours. I told him that was not good at all. That was bad especially with my liver not working right. Again I just felt myself getting so weak like the life was just draining out of my body. All I could think is he is here this is it I am going to die.

I continued to be sick all night. When the doctor’s office opened I had him call them and tell them everything. I was hoping they would just have me come to the office. They we’re very worried and sent me straight to the hospital. Needless to say I was laying there feeling horrible about not being there with my baby and missing rounds with the doctors. But I couldn’t go there like I was.

At the hospital they got me straight back and hooked me to iv’s and started ordering test. They ordered an MRI a ton of blood work to check my liver and I think they checked my heart as well for infection. It took awhile to get the MRI because they had other people in front of me. They finally got me in there. That was horrible the MRI is the one where they stick you in that little small tub and you are in there forever. They wanted to know if I wanted a cloth to put over my eyes what music I wanted them to play and all this stuff. I was like nothing just do the test. I didn’t want the cloth it would make it worse and I didn’t want music playing. I just wanted it done and over with. I closed my eyes before they stuck me back in there and never opened them again until they took me out. They took me back to my room and I sat there forever waiting for the results.

They came back finally and said that I had to much water in my uterus. They were worried about infection and other stuff I guess. They told me I needed to get in to see my doctor that day or as soon as possible. Then sent me home. I was still way to sick to go see the baby and I felt horrible.

We went home and called the NICU and he let them know what was going on and check on the baby. They updated us on everything and was worried about me. I had an appointment to see the doctor the next day. I just rested as much as I could the rest of the evening and that night.

The next morning I got up on my own at like 4am and drove myself down to see the baby. I wanted to be there to give him his first morning feed and to meet the doctors face to face and find out what was going on what they expected and planned. I stayed for a while. They wouldn’t let me hold him because his liver numbers were up and they had him under the lights for that. They called me from the doctors office and said they looked at my test and everything was fine I didn’t need to come in. I ended up leaving and going home for a bit and picking up JW and went back for a while. He had finally got up. I couldn’t get him up to take me that morning.

We went back he had pulled the IV out of his arm where they had it so they had places it in his head. I felt so bad for him. A new nurse came on shift and she let me take him out and hold him. I just had to keep this blanket on him. I tried to feed him it didn’t go well. He wasn’t eating good since I had him. They kept saying he was fine and probably because he had the iv. I didn’t think so.

They finally let him go home after 4 days. They had been saying a week. So we were very happy about that. We had to take him straight to a doctor to get him set up so that if he had any problems over the weekend we had someone to call. So we went straight there the next day. We seen a fantastic doctor. and got set up. He was good but was a little worried about weight. I told her I felt he was tongue tied. She looked and said yes he was and gave us paperwork to go to the ENT. We went there a few weeks later. The doctor there looked and said he had a full tie but all they could fix was the front. Like they did with the other two kids. Where they clip the little piece under your tongue. But the back is tied also. That will require surgery to fix because of the saliva glands and things in his mouth. She said it he was to small to even think about doing that. She said it shouldn’t cause any issues or need to be done. But if it does they won’t consider doing it until he is 5 or older.

He is a year old and doing great now. Still on the small side but happy and healthy.

January things were no better, I was back to the hospital once or twice a week. When I wasn’t in the hospital I was at the doctors office twice a week getting non stress test done to check the baby or going to get ultrasounds done to check on him. I did I tell you we found out we are having a boy? If not now you know. I was hardly going to work at all and if I did I was leaving with in a few hours. Some days I would go in at 6 or 7 because I would already be up because I couldn’t sleep and I figured if I was already up and feeling okay I should go maybe get a few extra hours in. If I waited until normal time I would be feeling sick in no time and leaving. I was getting maybe 10 to 20 hours a week, that was it and we were supposed to be working about 45. But they never said a word about it.

I tried to take leave again and the owner kept saying just do what you can you will need your leave when baby comes. I had three weeks paid coming plus my yearly bonus that was about a week and half of my normal weekly pay. So I had just about one full month of pay when I finally took leave.

I went for my 35 week check up and my doctor said she was setting me up to be induced at 37 weeks. She was trying to hold out until 38 but I was to bad. I asked her when and she said she was looking at the 7th or 8th. I said I would rather do it the 8th. She asked why, I said I just had a feeling he is going to come then I would rather him come on his own. I said my dad passed on the 8th and the last days I have just had this feeling that it is going to be then. She said okay the 8th it will be and went and called labor and delivery and set it up. She said I told them to bring you in at 9 so you don’t have to be up to early but if you are up and want to come in you can. Just be there by that time.

About the 8th, that is when my dad passed February the 8th, I had not thought anything about the baby coming then. I had told JW that if he was like his brothers he would come between 37 and 38 weeks. But I had not looked to see what the date would be or anything. Me and JW had to go to Titusville for something and he was driving. I was looking something up on my phone or playing a game and hadn’t looked up in a while. I didn’t know where we were what street he had taken or anything. All of a sudden this weird feeling came over me and this voice in my head said he will be here the 8th. I said it out loud he is going to come on the 8th. JW said what? I said the baby I am going to have him on the 8th. As I was saying this I looked up and we were coming up on the Hospice house where my dad had to stay a few times right before he passed. I still didn’t know how far along I was going to be by then.

Back to what I was saying before, I left my appointment and knew that when I went to work I was going to tell them I was done and going on maternity leave the following week. That way I would be off little over 8 days before baby day. I don’t remember if I made it to work all week that week or not. I think I did but left early. Over the last few months since we moved into the new house and I started feeling me and JW hadn’t had hardly any time to our selves and sex was hardly happening. When I was having a good night and was up to it I would say something if he was then ok. That Thursday evening I was feeling okay and I needed that closeness. I thought nothing of it and fell a sleep. I woke up about 1:30/ 2:00 am I was itching. That was how it would be if we got to bed early I fell a sleep I would be up by 2 am itching and sick the rest of the night and I would walk be back to my walking. This night I was itching but then I realized I was having contractions. They weren’t bad but they were defiantly contractions. I started to call the doctor’s office and tell them because I was so early. But I was so was so done for it to be over with I decided to not say anything and just see what happened. I thought it could be just false labor but I didn’t really think it was. I thought about what the risk to the baby would be and I figured I would be 36 weeks just about it should be fine and he was big enough they would deliver at our local hospital where I was supposed to deliver with my doctor. I told JW when I was getting ready to leave for work. I was going in a little early that day. He wasn’t sure about it I told him I would be fine. I it was already around 8 they hadn’t changed since they started in the night.

I got to work and started finishing every thing I could get finished, got everything else together and ready for someone else to take over. I just worked on tying up all my lose ends so that things would run as smooth as possible why I was gone. They could call me if they really had too. I made list and typed up directions for things and sent emails out telling everyone I thought needed to know who they should contact until I got back. I went out to the shop and went over stuff with them let them know I was going to be taking off now and that they could call or text if they needed anything.

My boss finally go there around 10, I went and told him I was going on leave that day was going to be my last day. I told him I was tying everything up and going over everything with everyone. I asked if there was anything he needed or needed to know before I left and told him that once I got to him on my list and had everything together I would be back to go over everything he needed to know and handle why I was gone. I went got everything done and went back to talk to him in a little bit. Then I went to talk with a few others that I just wanted to see before I went on leave.

I was about lunch time and I cleaned up and was getting ready to go home. I didn’t want to start feeling bad and my contractions weren’t any worse but I wanted to get home or close to it before they started to get worse. I work about 15/20 minutes from home, I didn’t want to be that far away and not be able to drive myself home and my car get stuck at work if someone had to drive me. JW works 10 minutes past our house and the hospital is another 15 minutes or more from him. Plus I wanted to get home get my hospital bag packed and the babies stuff and JW’s stuff. I was just ready to go home I had been up since almost 2 in the morning.

I walked over to my bosses office and he had someone in there, I told him I was going home. He looked at the clock and said your last day and you are only working half a day? Not even half it isn’t even 1 yet. I said yep I am, he said why or something. He was just joking around. I said well I am going home to have a baby sometime today or tomorrow probably. He kind of laughed as I said it. I said well I have been having contractions since like 2am. He said then what are you doing here? I said I had stuff to take care of and they aren’t that bad. Probably not even doing anything yet at this point. He told me to get out of there and he hoped everything went well and to keep him updated on when the baby came or what was going on if I needed anything to let him know.

I went home and got stuff together for the hospital and done stuff that needed done at the house. I rested for a while because I started not feeling good. I went and picked him up from work. I went in and was hanging out talking to them all and then we went to the store to pick up some stuff I needed and needed for the house before I went to the hospital. I think he brought a big pan of food from work for dinner. We went to bed and I wanted to try and help things along because they the contractions weren’t getting stronger or anything. So we had a little more fun and went to sleep. Again I woke up about 1:30/ 2:00am. I felt something and all of a sudden I just knew and I was yelling at him to help me get up and out of bed. He did my water broke. I did not want it to break in bed and get everywhere. I got up and went to take a shower I just felt I had to have a shower. He called the doctor and told her that my water broke and it was brown kind of like blood maybe. She said to get straight to the hospital she was calling the hospital to let them know I was on my way. I got out of the shower and dried off. It just kept running down my leg it was making me so mad. I tried everything I could to keep it from running down my leg so I could get to the hospital nothing was working. I was just tired and so wore out from the last few months and I just wanted it to be over and now I couldn’t even get to the hospital without having a mess everywhere. The bathroom rug the towels and everything else was already a mess. I told my oldest to Please get gloves and pick it all up and put it in a bag and throw it away. I didn’t care I didn’t want to mess with it and she shouldn’t have to. Now all I could think is I was going to have this mess all through the house and all over my car and clothes. I finally got a towel and used it to get to the hospital to keep from getting stuff everywhere.

I ended up being there until 1 before I had him. I was so upset my doctor was not on call she was out. I had a different doctor after I went through everything to make sure I had her there when I had him. The on call doctor didn’t come in until I was ready to have the baby. I was telling them I was ready to push they were waiting for her.

She came in takes the bed apart like they do and trying to put my feet up in the stirrups like they do. It was messed up the way they were angled and they were really close and far apart. It was hurting just trying to get my foot in it. I was telling them they wouldn’t listen. I pushed then doctor was saying it be better you have to put your feet here. I refuse and I had to push again. The doctor said wait heads out stop pushing and about that time the rest of him came out. Everyone was in shock and the nurse snapped around looked at the clock and said 1:57. That was the time he was born.

They gave him to me then she had to stitch me up. I could tell when I was in labor something was different. My bones in my hips hurt. It was a pain I had not felt before. When I was having him and pushing it felt different too. That last push as all of him felt very different. He came out kind of sideways. never had that with any of my others. They said that is probably why I felt the pain I did as well. His head against my bones in there.

He was born

36 weeks to the day


To be continued……

et cetera
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