{February 26, 2021}   652, 623, 618 Still Not Good Enough

Last year around November you may remember I checked on buying a house. They said I needed a 620 or better credit score. Well about a month ago I was going by the place where they sell new trailers and decided to stop in look around and ask all the questions.

I was surprised she said I should have no problem getting a place with my income and credit. They had some nice place. All they had on the lot were 3 bedrooms. I asked about bigger places she said 4 was about as big as you wanted to go. Because the rooms start to get small.

I came home and started looking them up and seen them with 5 bedroom 3 bathrooms living room and family room. The rooms were really good size still. I picked out 2 floor plans I liked. She told me that I should take my down payment pay cash for the land and use it as the down payment for the trailer. So I started looking at land. Then I had some questions so I went back the next weekend. This time I talked to a guy. Boy was I glad I stopped in before I bought property.

He answered my questions and showed me the plans I was looking at on the computer told me what 3 bedroom model they were on the lot. Then he said I needed to get everything done right then or very soon so they could get my order in. Because they are on back order until December!!

The women told me I could move in June if I got everything rolling in February. I can’t wait til December. He said if I Wanted to roll part or all the land into fencing I would need a 640. Needless to say I left feeling defeated.

So since my scores were over 620 I decided to call the mortgage guy. Who in November said get it over 620 you can get a house. He basically acts as if I am bothering him and says no I need a 640. I told him I just wanted to buy not build. He said I still needed 640. I didn’t have enough down. I have like $10k down. I hung up and decided I wasn’t going to deal with him. A few days later the guy at work gave me a number to someone who can get me the money and find the house. Do it all like my boss did when I bought my first house.

I called him he said since fucking covid they went up on what they want and I need a 640 for my middle score. I knew it was middle. Mine weren’t close to there. They updated and one shot to 652 the others went up but still 17 points from 640. Then something hit my credit and knocked my other score back to 580 something. Now I am waiting until Sunday when they update again to see if my 623 goes to 640 and my 652 stays. I was even looking for someone to add me as a user on their credit card. If they have had it for a while with no late payments and at around 10% usage it will bust my credit. I wouldn’t need access to the card, nothing would happen to their credit nothing. Once I close they can take me off. If my dad was here I would of had my new house for Christmas.

But with every thing happening around here and what happen Monday. I think I am going to call him I need him to just find me a house to rent. I am going to find out what happens if I get a rental then buy. If my score don’t go up then i can work on it a bit.

Rents are just so high and still going up. Why a trailer seemed good. I would have a bedroom for everyone. Girls would have a bathroom boys would and I would. We would have a family room that could be used for all kinds of things and even a 6th bedroom if we needed. Plus it would be brand new never lived in warranty on everything. I have land. I would have around $140,000 into it. I cant even get a 3 bedroom for that. It would be mine. I could have and do whatever I wanted.

I just don’t know what to do at this point. I had found about 5 or 6 house’s I wanted to look at. The one I really liked was in a really nice area. They were all 4 bedroom 2 or more bath. I made my mind up if I buy it is going to be at least a 4\2. I can’t touch a 5\2. It surprised me what a jump in price for an extra bedroom. I found a 3 bed with a finished garage. It was a two car i could put a few walls and couple doors to make 2 more bedrooms. I liked it but liked the others better. But in the last 2 days all but two of them are gone. I am thinking maybe waiting to see what comes up the next few months too and if prices drop. I don’t know what to do at this point.

{July 10, 2018}   We Need a Face to Face Talk

While talking to my cousin about all this and trying to start researching this and planing it I thought of something else. Without even thinking I asked her what kind of jobs there were for guys and if they had a lot open or easy for them. She said yes. She asked if it was a boyfriend?

I told her no a friend for now. But we have been talking for almost a year. That it is kind of being danced around.

I know how I feel and know how he acts and comments he makes. I think he feels the same but scared or nervous still. Just like last week he was telling me come over what we could do. Tonight I said I was sick wanted to go home curl up snuggle up go to sleep. He said that would be nice if he could be there or something like that.

I need to get with him face to face where we have time to sit and talk uninterrupted. I am going to lay it all out there on the line spell it out.

I am going to tell him I am in love with him. Not for anything he has, not for anything he can do for me, not for anything he has done or can do.

But with him the person, what I know, what I have seen, what I see in him, what I can see us having and doing and building together.

I am also going to tell him that I think we both need a new start. A new start away from here, away from the drama, the drugs, the toxic “friends” and “family”. I am going to tell him my plan and everything. Then I am going to tell him think about it and let me know where he stands. If we are something he wants to give a shot and if moving is something he is willi n g to do since we can’t make it here?

If he does I am going to tell him start saving and getting prepared. I am not telling anyone we are together or that he is going when we go. I am not even telling the kids until we are loaded say our final good byes and hit the road. I will stop tell them and tell them we are going to pick him up and go get him.

I am telling my family very little about anything including where I am going fowarding address or anything. I do not want to be followed and I do not want to be bothered with my mother. Like I told her once she is no longer living with me i no longer have a reason to have contact with her. I won’t. I won’t change my number but I will the kids and not answer or block her.

But I also don’t need anyone else trying to start drama for either of us or just being in everything being nosie. Once we are gone let them talk.

I am going to get a hold of Sleeping Beauty tomorrow and tell him I need to talk to him in person. This week or early next. Soon as I have a ride. I can pick him up after work one night we can go somewhere and talk. Then I can take him home. No one has to run down here to get him. I just say I was called in to work. So no one is questioning anything.

I just want to send him a text right now and tell him how I feel. But I think it is better to tell him in person. I am just in this mood tonight. Work sucked I was called in to a mess on my day off. Then deal with rude customer after rude customer. Then come home and deal with her. It is like okay I am done living this way, I am done not living my life because I am living this way, i am tired of being scared to tell people how I feel unless I am pissed off at them or mad. Just in this lets just get it done moods. Pack and go, toss everything and go, lets go see father of the year with these papers. Lets just do, do. Fuck everyone I hope it last for awhile.

{April 1, 2017}   $1000 Chickens

Who would have thought a dozen chickens would bring in right around $1000 for three kids in 4-H. I know they told the kids to expect about $75 or so a bird, I really expected maybe $30 a bird. It was auction so it was hard for the kids to understand and keep track of what was happening because they never been to them. They were spread out and I was trying to make sure the boys didn’t drop their birds or let them lose so I didn’t get to hear what they sold for. They each had three birds to sell, they auctioned them off one at a time but just showed one bird. Not sure how that worked I would think people would want to see the bird they were buying but they are all the same and they were running late so it worked good. My oldest placed as Grand Champion of the show for her trio. She was second up to auction her birds off, if she understood right I she walked away with $500 and then another $20 for her extra she sold to the packer before we went home. The boys kind of got short changed along with the other kids who ended up at the end because most those birds only went for $75 maybe $100. I think the boys each made around $228/$300 each plus they each got $20 from the packer for their extra chickens. I do not think they really know how much their sister made and I don’t plan to tell them. I think she will also get some extra from the fair over all for being the Grand champ.

When we first got to the fair her birds had a blue ribbon we went out came back and it was traded for a purple ribbon. It was for the same thing but it said for area south of us. We weren’t sure if there was someone for grand champ picked for each area or one over all, so we went to ask the lady that runs the 4h. We just wanted to make sure that they didn’t give it to her for the wrong area and that keep someone from getting it because they thought she was from that area. It was a nicer ribbon than the other, she said that they had some left from last year and was trying to use them up but that the fair was in that area and they put that city this year they just put the county so they could be used regardless. She said if she wanted one of the other one then she would see if they had one left. She told her not that one was great, she wanted to be sure that everyone got what they were supposed to get was all. She said not and this is really a big deal getting the grand champ out of everyone, you should be really proud of yourself. We were really shocked more than anything because we didn’t “clean” our birds, oil them, look to see if they were close in size and the biggest thing of all check to see if they all had the same laying capacity. Laying capacity was the one thing that they said would make or break how you were judged. When we got to the coop last night we were going to try and check it but my oldest was the only one that really knew how to do it. She was having a hard time and we finally just decided that we were going to grab three birds take them over get them checked in, tested and stick them in a kids cage. That was what we did, I didn’t even think about trying to look at size and if they were close to size. I think because they said that didn’t matter they were looking for laying. Just grabbing birds and sticking them in cages and her pulling off grand champ is really amazing. I wasn’t really worried about cleaning them they were in the coop with hay so they really weren’t dirty.

Poor Little Bitty was so upset when it came time for auction she wanted to auction off “her” birds too. She has to be 5 to be in 4-H so she has another year to go before she can have her own and do anything. She will only be 4 in 3 days. And she decided today when she is old enough to be in it she wants to raise a Tom turkey and the other kids can raise their chickens because they are so much cooler. The kids showed their trio in the auction then found a packer or buyer looking for chickens and sold him the extra three they had for $20 each. We talked after we got home and they agreed we should take the $60 from the three extra chickens they sold and give to Little Bitty since she did go help feed them and collect eggs, she goes to all the meetings and spent all day at the fair so they could do what they had to do. It be nice to do so she had some money and to make her feel like a part of it all. They all three agreed. I was going to have them pay for their birds and the feed that was used for the project and give her that, but since the boys ended up making a lot less than the other kids and my oldest I decided if that would be nice and they all get a little something to do something with.

My oldest wants to go to a big country concert coming up here in a few weeks, I do not have money to buy tickets for it so she is talking about buying tickets for that so we can go. It would be for the weekend a big three day thing.

Big Boy wants to put the money with the money he already has saved and buy a tortoise and cage for it. He has wanted this thing for years so he is thrilled to finally have enough money to get it. I have to find room for this growing zoo. We are not getting anymore animals after this.

Big Guy wants to but imaginex or something like that with his. I am not sure he understand how much he has or how much what he wants cost. I am going to sit down see if there is something nice he would like to have or something fun he would like to do with it and maybe save some.

Over all $1000 for about $250 investment.

{September 18, 2016}   Guardian Ad Litem

I have done my fingerprints and started my training to be come a Gaurdian Ad Litem here in my area. I did my first day of in class training yesterday and will do one more day next Saturday. I had some at home stuff to do and then will do court observation and field training with someone who has been there for a while or the person over me.

I wanted to do this before but with being a stay at home mom I just didn’t have someone to watch the kids and things why I went to do it. Now that they are all in school I can do it why they are at school. It also will give me extra credit for some of my classes at school if I do 20 hours a semester. I know I have one maybe two that are offering extra credit right now but always have at least one each term. Plus I found out that there is some kind of thing at the school that they offer if you do so many hours aside from what is offered in the class.

They say this will give me 8-12 hours a month. I have to go see the child or children at least once a month but can go more often if I would like and have time. I can pick up extra hours that way or take a case that has more than one child to see every month. We also get credit for the time spent driving and there and they said sometimes your there a while. The foster parents want to talk to you and tell you everything that is going on or the children are just happy to see you and talk and talk to you.

We also need to get with teachers, doctors and others that deal with the child and talk with them, as well as go to the visitation the child has with the parents and other children in the family if they are not housed together. every 6 months or so we go to court as well.

After 6 months we are allowed to transport them so we can take them to the park or to get a drink something like that. We are allowed to take them to events in the area and they will give us tickets to take them places too. I just have to see if I am allowed to take them along with my children or if it can only be them and me. I don’t mind not taking any other adults with me that is fine. I just don’t want to do all this stuff with them and not be able to take mine because then I would have to leave mine somewhere in order to take them and then take mine another time and that would take up a lot of time.

It will also all depend on how the child is as to taking them out and doing things with them or wanting to have them around my kids. I know that it is not these kids faults they have been through a lot but I may not be able to have them around eve if we are allowed too.

It seems like a very rewarding but also hard to do thing at times. She said most cases end up with the kids going home but some do end up with going to court to terminate the parents rights and finding adoptive families for them. She said and then there are the older kids who do not want to be adopted out either. They would rather age out so that they get the free college and other things that are offered to them once they do age out. It makes it a little easier on them sometimes to not be in order to get the services.

Now I have to decide what kind of case I want, where at and what age range I want the child to be. I told them I would do close around my house and north of me and they said they had a big need for children in the north area of our county so I know that that is probably where I will take a case from. I want to work with older kids once I get out of school and would like to work with them now, but I just don’ t know if I am ready for that right now just starting out. She said everyone wants to work with the babies I would love to work with the babies but I know that older kids really need someone because most do want to work with babies. I was thinking maybe in the 2 to 3 range but keep going back to the older kids maybe 10 to 13 age. Then maybe take on a “teen’ when I can take on a second case.

We also get to look at each case an why the child was taken out of the home, who they are living with and things like that to help pick. She said if anyone wanted to work with sexual assault children we have to take extra training classes to be able to do that. I don’t know if I want to do that or not it would bother me what happen to them it would really get to me with the little ones. Not just the little ones the older ones too but you know what I mean I am sure. It just makes me mad anyone would do that at all to anyone. But I would do the training and take cases if they have a shortage of people and need people. I probably will do it down the road but I don’t think I want to take on more training right now and do it. I know what I can handle right now and i don’t think I can talk on anymore training or a case like that.

I was shocked she said they take 1 to 5 new cases every day of kids being sheltered and needing someone. She said they took in 30 new cases last week alone. She said that they have about 300 guardian’s right now and close to 1000 kids in our area that need someone. There were about 17 of us in the training class. They say we can only take on 1 case for the first 6 months but if we are able to do it and the cases aren’t to much then sometimes we can take another. It just depends if they feel it is going to to be more involved or how well you do I guess.

I hope it is a good as they are saying and that they really do the things they say they do and help the kids like they say. I don’t want to get in there and everyone just does what they have to do to get by and ignore everything like a lot of places that work with foster kids. If it is I won’t be staying I don’t care if they did pay for my background check and I said I would do this for a year or so. If they are not truly looking out for the best interest of the child and making sure they get the services and things they need then they are not doing what I was told. I think they are because I know someone else who works with them and they have for years and does a lot to help get people in and to raise money for them I don’t think he would work so hard to do it all if they didn’t he is like me he wants to really help and make a difference.

I just want to get started the training is so boring and common since stuff and stuff I already know from my classes at school. I also have to go get clothes to wear to court because although we don’t go to often I still have to dress for court. There idea of dressed for court is different than mine so……….


{September 18, 2016}   4-H

The older three kids have joined 4-H. It started last Sunday with dog club. The two older ones are working with out dogs and my Little Guy is working with a dog they let him borrow. I was surprised they had a bunch of people who came just to let the kids borrow their dogs to learn with. It is good for him because the dog has, had some training unlike ours who haven’t.

I wasn’t sure my Big Boy would get to do it or not because I didn’t know how our younger dog was going to act out there. But she was very good compared to what I expected. The way she barks and freaks out at everyone who walks by buy I guess it’s just because it’s “her” yard and she wants to make sure everyone knows. She barked at the other couple dogs at first but then once she was able to get close and they were able to smell each other then she was fine. When they stood in a line she just laid down and waited. Now getting her to do what she is supposed to do and when is a different story but she is new an this is for the kids to learn to train them so that will come.

Then they joined the poultry club, so as of Thursday they are the proud owners of a dozen Dominique chicks. They are only a few days old when they came in I guess.

All three are doing it as well and they each need three chickens to show at the 4-H fair in spring. They said we should buy extra chickens in case any end up being roosters or something happens to one. So I bought each one four. I figure out of a dozen they should each get 3. Once they show them they will auction them off. The extras they can sell to the packer or whatever they call him for about $15 a chicken maybe a little more. He buys them because they are laying hens and are just coming of age to lay. He don’t have to raise them and put in the extra work.

We wanted to keep them at our house but since it is not  my house if someone complains they will go to the own and not me. If that happens then I will be in trouble so we are keeping them in the 4-H coop. We are lucky they are only about 5 minutes away from the house so it helps since we have to go out twice a week and every third weekend to feed and take care of them. We can go out other days we have time and want to as well.

The kids are excited about it all. It’s extra running for me but it is something fun and we want to do so it isn’t to bad. We go to the dog club on Sunday and that is my homework day so I will have to work stuff around to get them there. It is to far for me to drop them and come back so I have to wait and there is no internet so I can’t take it with me either. The chicken club we go to meetings every Tuesday night and then go feed the chickens the two days. I am sure we will be out there other days as well as excited as the kids are. I wish we could keep the chickens at home.

I think it will be something they get more into once we get moved and are able to keep them at home and they can really watch them and see the changes vs just seeing them a few times a week or when we can get out there.

I am kind of wishing we had done the rabbit club instead but I did’t find out about it until I had already ordered the chickens and got them. I don’t know that I want to deal with three rabbits right now either. I would have to set up pins for them and things I don’t know what one I would rather do really. It just seems easier having it here at the house than somewhere else and having to depend on other people to go out and take care of them and making sure they are getting what they need. Worrying that something might happen to them. If they do not have three each to show at fair they will be very upset. If we could have them at home I could have gotten more to make sure and we would probably keep them once we were done.

{June 20, 2016}   Dinosaur Day

As some of you may remember back in September I told the boys I would take them to a place called Dinosaur World that is a couple hours away from us. It was supposed to be a birthday trip for them since their birthday are only 14 days apart. The day I got my money and was to plan the trip is when I totaled my truck, not only did we not have a way to go but money either. I had to use it and then some to put my truck back together. I had planed to take them sometime this summer once I got money. Well last weekend I seen a thing on line for a big dinosaur exbit that was going to be only about an hour away from home and it was supposed to have rides and other things besides just the dinosaurs. I talked to the kids and they said yes they would like to go to it instead of the other since the other didn’t have rides and other things.

All week I debated buying tickets online or waiting and buying them at the door. If you bought online you would get in for sure, if you waited they could sell out and you not get it in. I don’t know why but I just didn’t feel like I should buy them online, then I forgot about it Friday night before I went to bed. When we got there I was glad we hadn’t gotten them online, the line for the people who had was backed way up. The at the door ticket line we walked right up and bought tickets to get in.

The first room you walk into was a huge room and they had all these different areas sectioned off and huge dinosaurs in them with trees and things all around. They were huge towering over everyone. All the kids thought they were really neat. After that we went out to another building and they just had a bunch of craft stations, a place to buy candy and a store area nothing to see or do really. The rest was outside in an open porch area. They had a few little one set up you could sit on and take pictures that were like statues and a few bigger ones in the field to look at on the way. Once we got out there we seen the “rides” They had 5 different dinosaurs set up they were just on these little stands the kids sat in a seat on their back and their head and arms moved around. No ride at all just sit there why this thing moves it’s head and arms around. Of course you had to stand in a different line for each one forever before they could sit on it. We stood in three of those lines. Then they had and area with about large dinosaurs set up in it and the kids sat on them and they walked at about a mill a miter a second from one side to the other. They had handles the kids pushed a button on either side to make it go left or right to keep from running into each other. The parents stood next to them as it went along. This line was backed out from where the ride was across the place and out the door just about when we left. It was pretty long when we first got in it. I had the other kids go stand in line for it why I stood in line for the little two at the other rides. Because no one told me when I was buying my older two tickets that cost more so they could ride the rides too that they were way to big for them. My oldest was so bored and hot, my big boy enjoyed seeing the big dinosaurs and taking pictures. My Little Guy loved it and the “rides” Little Bitty was wanting no part of it. She refused to get on  first one my Little Guy went on, then fell a sleep why we were waiting in line for the other three. She woke up why we were waiting for the one that walked across the thing and decided she wanted to try it and liked it but even she thought it went to slow. She told me a few times make it faster and was pushing the buttons trying to get it to go faster.

Over all I would rate it a 1 out of 5. Most the other parents didn’t look real happy about what the rest past the first building turned out to be either. But you spend so much money to get in and the kids think its cool so you stay and stand in lines in the heat with sweat pouring off of you so they can sit on a dinosaur while it moves it’s head around. Out of the 4 hours we were there I would say that all but 45 minutes was spent standing in the heat in a line and walking a mile to get to and from where the “rides” were. For the price they could have had a lot more stuff and real rides not what they had. Then all they had outside you could buy to drink was $4 cup of lemon aid they didn’t have water or anything else to drink you could buy without going all the way back to the front where you came in, to force you into buying it and paying more. The only good thing at all was the people working it really really nice, friendly and helpful.

I think they should drop the rides and charge about $8 a person and that is stitching it even then. But I bet they would see an increase in how many people came. It would make it affordable for people who have more than one or two kids, plus if or when it comes back to town more people would bring their kids back to see it again just to have something to do or because their kids liked it. At the price it is now I don’t think a lot of people would go back if it came back to town. I wouldn’t, I would take that money and do something else with it. My oldest said even going to the zoo would have been better than going there.  I was disappointed because as good as they made it sound I had plan to spend the day there and was ready to go with in half hour to forty five minutes.

{March 20, 2016}   Driving Lessons

My sister called me last week and wanted to know what I was doing, when I told her I was out with taking mom to the store she said she would talk to me later. I thought it was odd because we hardly ever call each other and just the way she acted. Like she wanted to talk to me but couldn’t because I was with them. I didn’t get home from dealing with her until late and really forgot about it. I figured I would call her or stop by on my way home. She lives right by my mom. Friday she called me and we were talking and then she asked me if I would teach her how to drive. She said she had gotten her permit last week. But she don’t want our mom to know until she gets her license. She knows she will tell her she can’t get her licence until she has had her permit for a year or more and that she needs to teach her I can’t possibly teach her right because I have only been driving since I was 13 and have no clue what I am am doing.

I took her out Friday night to a parking lot and let her learn where the gears are, the feel of the peddles and to get use to driving the truck all together. She has never ever drove or been behind the wheel of a car other than a power wheel. I told her one time to back on truck out and pull it back in once I got the other one from in front of it and she looked at me like I had 4 heads. I wasn’t sure how it was going to go but she did really good for the most part. She only hit the curb twice and almost took out the bank once. She was trying to make a left hand turn and didn’t turn in time. Then she wanted me to get her out of the jam. I told her she had to back herself up and get out of it, she did.

I figured she was going to freak out there was  a cop sitting in the parking lot when we got there and she started. He sat there a long time and left, then came back. I told her at first he may come over and want to know what we were doing but I think he probably figured it out after watching her a minute or two. I had her driving around and parking backing up and things. We went again last night her husband was with her and he wanted to see how she did. I took her in the parking lot and then took her to the neighborhood. She kept saying next time but like I told her it is night there is nothing out and she can only drive around the parking lot so many times. She needs to be on a road even just in the neighborhood to get use to being in her lane but not on the side of the road, turning on and off streets is different than turning in parking lots. She was worried about cars parked on the street and things. But she drove past cars in the parking lot and things. We went and she drove around about an hour or so. she is doing good she just needs to work on getting the truck up to speed without stepping on the gas to much and lerching the truck all over and not stopping to hard. She wants to drive down the street two miles an hour like she is in the parking lot. When she has to stop she stops to far back or doesn’t easy into it she just hits the break. If she gets that I would be ok with taking her out on the road at night when there isn’t traffic. Last night we were driving around she said that goes down to the road by the river want me to go that way. I said no I don’t know if I will be ready to drive down that road with you in two years and for sure not in this truck. It is a very narrow road and on side you have houses and yards. On the other you have this drop down to the river, very little bank and the road is barely big enough to pass on. My truck is so big I pretty much stop and wait for people to pass me when we are coming toward each other. There is no way I was taking her out there only drove a few hours and in the black dark and no lights to see what way the road curves or anything hardly. She laughed and said oh yeah I don’t want to drive down there either.

My friend called the first night I was out with her and wanted to know what we were doing. I told  her she said she was about my sisters age when she learned as well. She said she was worried when she started. She asked me how I did when I started. I told her I was alright that the first thing I learned on was a stick shift. She said I figured you say that like it was no big deal when you learned. But it really wasn’t, but like I told her she has to remember I was 13 when I first started driving so I wasn’t scared or worried really. To me it was cool it was great I was getting to drive. My dad trusted me to drive and was teaching me because I really didn’t want my mom to teach me and knew she never really would without it being a fight. We went to and empty parking lot and I had to get use to the gears and shifting with the clutch and all that, all stuff they are not having to learn while trying to drive for the first time on top of it. After doing that a few times I maybe a few I can remember going once and doing that for sure I think we may have two or three but not 100% sure we went more than the one time really. But after that I use to drive me and my aunt up to the little store through the neighborhood so my dad didn’t have to take her or go for her. She was an adult but could not learn a stick shift to save her life. Or she would drive I would shift and make sure we were in park when we got there because she never could get it in park or shift it. I got tired of her always stalling us out and finally told my dad i was going to drive us if I was taking her anymore. After that my dad got this big Oldsmobile it was a huge car and that was the next thing I drove. The first time I drove it we went from our house to camp about three hours or so away then from there to my grandpa’s another couple hours from camp then I drove from there back home. A lot of it was two lane roads and highways with semi trucks all around.

I can’t say I knew how to drive before he showed me but I always watched when we went places and my dad would be driving. Back then we road in the front seat all the time. It just seemed simple to me. Them they worry oh there is a car coming oh there are people around and things like that. Even if they are a block away or on the side walk. They might walk out in the street. So they slow down to 2 miles an hour 5 miles before they get to them. I keep going as normal and figure they are going to stay on the sidewalk. I watch to see what they are doing if they look like they may walk out there or decide to corss the street. I will slow down when I get close to them if it is kids or they are close to the road or look like they might cross. But even then I don’t slow down to 2 miles and hour. I tap my break a little and keep going but ready to stop if need me. If my sister see’s lights coming from a side street she wants to stop and see where they are going to go or if they are going to pull out in front of her. It don’t matter she can’t see the car and will be passed the street before it even gets to the end of their street. But that is my moms fault becuse this is how she is. She is always wanting to know what that is if she hears any little sound even if there was nothing to be seen, if someone is waiting to turn then you better slow down to a crawl because they might pull out in front of you. It don’t matter they are looking right at you and stopped and waiting showing no sign of moving. or that the light is red and they are stopped at it. If there are people on the side walk or side of the road they are going to walk out in front of you so you have to all but stop until you get to them and miles past them. I am having to make her see that this is not how you drive that it is really very dang est to drive like this in a lot of places because traffic around you are expecting you to be moving not just stop or slam your break on and slow down. That even if they are watching if they are close to you or the road is wet they can still hit you even if they try to stop. My mom says you don’t watch you don’t slow down blah blah. I do watch I slow down when I need to or feel I need to. But I don’t go 10 miles under the speed limit at all times and then stop and slow down for every little thing. A trip that should take you 15 minutes to make takes her 30 to 45 or more sometimes. When she rides with you she tries to tell you how to drive and what ways to go because you can’t take your normal every day streets. It all comes down to she has anxiety and refuses to get any help with it. I can understand not wanting to take medication but when it effects your life like it does her and in every part of your life like it does with her and people don’t want to help you or come around because of the way you do then you need to get some meds to help. I don’t like taking them but have at different times when I need them.


{November 12, 2015}   10/26-11/6 Whirlwind

The last few weeks have been pretty good. I started a job on the 26th of October. I had to take a week class for it, the 5 th  I went and took my state board. I passed it the first time with a 83%. Most everyone was shocked there are a few 100 people or more and most have had to take it two or three times before they pass and most have only gotten 70 some percent if or when they passed. A guy from the job called me Wednesday after I went home and was asking where I was at on the course and if I had taken the three test you take before you go to sit for the board. I told him yes that I was going the next day to take the test. He heard what I had scored on my other test and that I had only took it once he said he wanted to talk to me after I took my board test. He said if I passed it to come talk to him. He said they have a fast track class coming up on the 9th that they wanted to put me in. He said it sounded like I would do good in that class. Training classes are 6:30 am to 3 pm or 3:30 pm to 12 am. Then your shifts are anywhere from I think 6 am to 9 pm. I told him that would be great I would like to do that and get to work as soon as I could. I ask if it would be days or nights and told him that I have 4 kids to find a sitter for and to take in and out at midnight when I got done. That I really needed days. He said ok he would put me in days. Then he said well I can’t say that I will have to talk to the boss he decided that. He said but if you pass your board take this class and help us out you shouldn’t have to worry about working nights we will take care of you. I went took my test and stopped back in and told them I passed. I went to talk to him and he was in a meeting on a call and was going to be a few hours. I went and talked to the big boss he said he was going to go talk to. I told him that he had called and told me they wanted to put me in this class and things. The boss said well that class will start Monday and run through the weekend and sometime next week straight. The weekend will come in later get off a little later. I told him that wasn’t a problem at all. That I needed to be on days what the other guy said he said ok and put me in days. They told me to make sure I went and had my finger prints done for the background check today and that I was off until Monday. Boy it is going to suck being there at 6:30 am but I need to be off in the evening with the kids. If didn’t have them I would have took a night shift. I really like the job, it’s selling health insurance so I had to get my licences but they have paid for the class, test background and the license so I can’t complain. I wanted to get an office position or trainer but they were full. They just opened this office a month ago. I just want to get in there do really good and move up as quick as possible. One guy who was taking the class with me said his wife went in did the training in three days took the test the 4th and passed with a 87 and they took her straight and gave her an office job. Right now I think they are all full but I have seen a few I don’t know how they are going to work out the way they come in dressed and teaching the wrong stuff. I think the trainers teaching the wrong thing is a big reason so many people are failing the first time and the second too because they keep going back and taking classes and asking these trainers when they aren’t understanding stuff. As long as they are giving wrong information they are going to keep failing. The one trainer I think wasn’t to happy with me the other day when I was getting ready to go take my state class, I was sitting in why he was going over a couple of the chapters a few things he said I was like isn’t it this way? He said no it’s like this because of this or that. I say but what about x, y or z he dance around it with something that didn’t make any since then go on or say same thing I just got done saying with a bunch of stuff that had nothing to do with what we were talking about and act like I was wrong. I seen a few of the other women in the class look at him and look at me then he would ask a question or something and everyone would be saying different things and they would ask me what I thought the answer was or what it was. He cut off everyone and then go into this is the answer and this is why and moving on. One of the other ladies from the office came in and started talking to me. I told her I was going to take my test and she asked why I was even there and told me to go home relax eat and go take my test. She said you don’t need to be here going over all this right now you need to relax and rest until your test not stress about it. I told her I’m not stressed being there didn’t matter either way she told me go ahead and go. I went got my stuff and took her my time sheet to sign off on. She said I’m not forcing you to leave if you really want to stay you can but I think you know this and are going to do fine. She said I don’t want you to study so much you start mixing things up or confusing yourself. I said nope that’s fine I didn’t really see a need to be here but he said I should so I did. They want me here I show up. The test was about 20 or so miles farther south of where we were and I live about 15 north of where we were. I figured it was a waste of time to go home and have to turn right around and go right back. I went ahead and headed down to where I had to take my test. I wanted to make sure it was where I was thinking and they hadn’t moved since I had been there about 7 years ago. Then I went to this little dinner that was in the same plazze it was in. I had a salad and glanced through my papers at somethings I wasn’t sure about and studied the one test that we took on paper then went and took my test. I think it took me about an hour and half to do all of it, but I marked a handful of questions on each half to go back and look at at the end of each part. Then I went back and looked at a few I hadn’t even marked. Some of them were a little confusing the way they were worded and the way the question is worded. Then there are a few that are wrong because the laws have changed and they have not changed the test yet. The main problem was that it seemed like Jeopardy when I was talking it, The questions that were on the three test that I had taken at work were now the answers and the answer was the question. I knew the answer but with it being asked that way and them throwing in extra unneeded information on top of it I had to really read and reread it.

I have finally got my truck back on the road after a month and half of it being down. It looks good with the new grill and headlights. There are a few other problems that I am going to have to take care of now. I think the fan clutch is going out and for some reason the plastic around the fan is to close to it. It was really bad before I had the frame pulled but it looked good after that. The frame is good but I am thinking that maybe something else to do with the fan got bent as well. I have to get someone else to look at it. Father of the year isn’t making any since in what he is saying. I am going to see if my friend can look at it if I find time to get it to the shop he works at.

The kids are doing pretty good with me going back to work for the most part. My little one cries sometimes when I leave her but she stops right away and has fun the rest of the day. I just have to get schooling and things worked out. I have been putting dinner in the crock pot and putting it on before I go to work or having father of the year stop and put it on about lunch time depending how long it needs to cook. He lets the dogs out. That way me and the kids can eat when we get home it isn’t late.

Wednesday night I had to take my grandma to the hospital about the time I sat down and tried to study for my test the next day. They ended up keeping her and running a bunch of test on her before they decided to. I never got to study and didn’t get any sleep hardly. I had to come home as soon as we got there why they were checking her in because father of the year got a call. He wasn’t supposed to be out and shouldn’t have had one. But like always when the one guy works he always calls and has some excuse that he can’t go out after 8 or 9 at night. Or he gets a call with a car in the water or a flat and all of a sudden he needs help or someone else to go do it because he don’t want to do the shit calls and he don’t want to get wet even thought he is making extra money for the call. He shows up because he is first says he needs “help” Lets everyone else do the shit part of the job and then gets paid why they make $25 or less he walks off with twice that or more. But since they are just help and not the one that got the call they get pennies for coming out. They kept her because they think she had a heart attack or was going to have one. They finally let her come home last night told her to follow up with lung doctor and heart doctor.

It’s been a good few months other than totaling my truck.

{October 25, 2014}   Legoland

Thursday we went to Legoland with the homeschool group we have found and become a part of. My friend J went with us to help me out with the little ones. None of us had been before so we had no idea what to expect.

I don’t know if I was expecting to much or it was really just that bad. This was a first of anything like it for my two little ones. My older two have been to Disney a few times and Animal Kingdom once and Seaworld.  I expected it to be comparable to Disney or at least Seaworld and boy was it not. Far from it really. First thing I noticed before we got there was their hours 10:00am to 5:00pm. Seemed a little odd they would be open later as the other parks are. When you walked in it didn’t seem like anything great or special. I mean the other parks have different shows or little things going on in the streets through out the park be it people playing music, characters walking around or in areas to meet, parades different things. They had nothing it seemed deserted kind of like you were just walking around a down town area that has shops and things for tourist. The shows seem to over lap and most were only shown once maybe twice a day. The rides were nothing like you would expect either. I know it is supposed to be geared toward kids but most rides were either for little kids or older kids. They had signs that said for this age or that age this hight or that hight. All parks have a hight requirement I understand that. But they also have a ton of stuff that the family can do together. It did not seem very family oriented at all. Even being kid geared it could still be more for family or rides for families. The rides were not that interesting either. They had cars for the 3-5 year olds to go around the track most couldn’t even get around the track. The cars were almost to small for them to ride in. They had the same thing for kids 6-16 the cars were not that much bigger. My 9 and 10 year old barely fit in them. Their legs were all bent up they went about a mile an hour. The go carts at the go cart track or the bumper cars at the fair move faster. Other areas they had tons of games set up to play like a carnival or something but they were way over priced. You would think for the price that you pay for tickets they would be free. They had a few roller coasters but other than that nothing great.

It seemed like Lego wanted to get in on the theme park business but didn’t wanted to put as little as possible into it so they felt since it was based on “legos” they could get a way with being very generic is the word that kept coming to mind. It like thinking you are going to go shopping at Target and ending up at a auction or flea market. I didn’t expect it to me just like Seaworld or Disney but I expected it to be at least entertaining fun, I don’t know how to explain it. It was nice getting to spend the time with the kids bit I would have much rather taken the money and done something different. They said they had fun but then commented about the rides and things. I think they were just trying to be nice since we don’t get to do things like that all the time.

Just as I figured when I seen the hours it don’t really give you much time to do much. If you watch a show or two and stop to eat half your time is gone. There wasn’t much to pick from to eat and most places you had to eat outside no where to sit inside to eat. If there was it was packed no where to sit because the places were so small had such few tables. No where to sit down cool off why you eat or even for a few minutes really. No real shaded areas. The you didn’t get a adult meal for under $10 and most of them didn’t come with a drink. The kids meals weren’t to bad they were around $5 but only came with milk or water. I asked at the one place how much it would be to upgrade the drink in the meal they wanted $3.50 more to UPGRADE the drink. Basically you just bought a drink. Its to hot to be giving kids milk out in that heat and they like to have more than water. We ended up going to the all you can eat pizza, pasta and salad that included drinks. It was $15 for adults and $10 for kids. But if you figure by the time you buy an extra drink with their meal at the other places and buy some kind of drink for yourself your are paying that anyway or close to it.

You walk every where there is no way to get around the park other than walking. That takes up a good amount of your time to be doing other stuff as well. When I was at the other parks my kids spent hardly no time in the strollers because we were always on the go in one show, or ride jumping on the train or whatever to go to a different area to do stuff. Here my 18 month old hardly got out of it and when she did it was to watch everyone else ride and have fun because she wasn’t able to ride.

If you are going to be going on vacation near a Legoland I recommend saving your money and go somewhere else. Take the money and split it up and go to a few different places and out to dinner and/or lunch. You will probably have a much better time.

I am very glad that we only spent $55 for all of us to go and not the $255 it would normally cost. All I could think walking around there is thank god we paid the group rate. If it was right next you (like a mile down the rode) and was about $5/$10 a person it might be worth taking the kids to once every few years or so.

{July 22, 2014}   Less Than 30 Days

I have less than 30 days to have some kind of schooling arrangements for my kids all their supplies bought and everything else they need. No big deal most would say but I have no clue where they will be going to school and I have no clue what they are going to need. I have no clue what schools to even check into. I have one in gifted and one on the spectrum. Finding a school that will take them both and provide what they each need is next to impossible that is any good. I am really trying to avoid driving 50 miles a day to take them to and from school again. I really can’t afford $100 a week in gas I don’t have the time with two other kids and the soon to be 3 therapy appointment’s that I have to make each week for my son. I did it for a year and a half almost two years and it is just to much to keep up with and a ton in gas.

Ad in the fact that I am supposed to be starting back to school when they do and going back to work. I won’t find a sitter to go 50 miles a day to take them back and forth. I won’t be able to take them to and from and it is hard to find a daycare that will pick up at both schools. So then I will have 4 kids scattered between 2 to 3 different daycare. It just don’t work that was a big problem I had before when trying to go back to work. I am not happy with the public schools around us any more. They just all seem to be dropping the ball. The private school’s my son would need are not really doing what they say they will for the kids like him. I have been researching and checking into them. But talking with other parents and the therapist they are advising against most of them. They even say the schools around here are really falling short of what they need to be and should be offering and doing.

The more I look into schools and the more I see and hear talking to others the more I am dreading putting my kids back in school this year. I hate it that they may not be going back I really feel that going to school is important for kids in so many other ways than just the basic books and learning. But I also feel that if they are not being taught or helped in the area’s they need help and they are going to be picked on and bullied that it isn’t good for them. We have already dealt with the being picked on and bullied to an extram with my daughter I can’t go back to that. It is not worth her life to have her in school.

I know it is a lot to take on but I think it is doable if we get the right set up and get all the info and every thing we are going to need. So the search has begun to get any and all info on homeschooling and I still need to go and research some schools just in case. I am mostly worried about cruculume and getting every thing we need set up and getting started. Once we know what we are doing and have everything set up right I think we will do fine. It’s just the stress of not having everything not knowing and being in a time crunch on top of everything that is already going on here right now.

et cetera
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