{May 22, 2020}   6 Days In,

And so far doing pretty good. As I am sure you all probably remember from my post last week Emotional Break Down

I started a low-dose birth control pill and I was worried about taking it. When I took them in the past I did not do well on them. But it really was my only option so I decided to try it. Rather than keep trusting what I have been. Don’t get me wrong I love natural family planing and have used it for years, and used it for years before. But I don’t feel it is the best for me to use at this point in life. Seeing as I do not want anymore kids, me and J.W don’t get a lot of time alone and never know when that is going to be and I worry about it all the time. I don’t know what I would do if I ended up pregnant at this point in life.

I started the pill Sunday when I was supposed to and was a little worried. Okay more than a little worried. I had horrible mood swings, felt physically sick, had no libido and just over all nasty. So I just took it and tried to forget it and not think about it. Wasn’t hard to do as busy as we are at work right now. I take it between 1 and 130 every day. I figured that was a good time because I go to lunch then. I don’t like to take anything when I first get up in the morning and didn’t want to deal with it in the evening or at night when I am so tired and other things to do. I set my alarm already so I won’t forget at lunch or if I am busy and work through lunch or take it early. But I know that being busy in the evening I will turn the alarm off and forget it. This way it is right there in my purse at my desk and I have my drink right there. I can just stop and take it.

I haven’t really noticed any thing to bad. I have been a little moody here and there but not anything that sticks around. I haven’t been feeling depressed lately, I have been in a pretty good mood over all. But I am only 6 days in. I hope that over the next few days/weeks that things don’t change.

Because it looks as if that is going to be what I am going to have to use for a while. I don’t make enough to pay over $300 for for insurance for just myself. I make to much to get Medicaid but am to below poverty level to get help on the market place to get insurance there. I reapplied for medicaid hoping the kids would get their’s back since I lost a job. Thank goodness they did. I on the other hand didn’t even get share of cost so I have no coverage what so ever if anything happens.

I did find out today I can get dental and vision insurance at work for around $30 a month. I do not have to have the medical in order to get them. I am going to cancel a few things and bite the bullet and get it. I really need to get new glasses the ones I have are over three years old and I can tell my eyes are worse. I am have got to get something done with my teeth. I hope to go to the local place over here and get them pulled. I think I can get them done for next to nothing. Then hope that I can use the insurance to get the new ones. If it won’t pay for new ones to at least pay a chunk of the cost or most of the cost for new ones. If not then I have been told that the owner at work will help get them done and then take a little out of your check each month. If he would take a little a month not a chunk each week or huge chunk each week.

All I can do with it all is wait and see and hope it works out.

{January 30, 2020}   Home Cooked Meal

The last few days I have been wanting to eat anything and everything. Roast, steak, chilli, chicken and anything else you can think of.

Last night I went to his house after work and Bff came picked us up and we all went to Steak and Shake. I wanted a burger, chilli mac and chicken.

He says you sound like your pregnant and bff chimes in and says are you? I said no, she kept on. They were joking around. They thought I was joking about wanting all 3. I said no I do. So me and him split the chilli and I got chicken. He got a burger and we left.

She dropped us off it was late I felt sick. He went in and got my keys I forgot them at his house. I left too. She called me was like is their a chance at all your pregnant?

There isn’t at all a chance. I had my monthly friend twice since the last time I was with anyone. I always use something.

Today I was talking to him I was like dang I want to eat, i want this, this, and this. He laughed. I said I don’t know what is wrong with me.

Tonight i did not have him make me anything and forgot to get a drink. I ran up to the little store a little while ago got coffee and an egg salad sandwich. I said I home this ends well. Why i trust egg salad from the little store i don’t know.

I thought of it after eating it, I just want to sit down eat a nice hearty home cooked meal. Everything I eat comes from a little store, $1 menus, snacks or what he makes me. Even what he makes isn’t really a meal or what.

I always cooked when I was home or had something in the crockpot. I made soups and stews. I was always looking for something new to try.

All the things I have been wanting are all meals. Hot balanced home cooked meal. Most the time what i get is cold or cold by the time i get to work. Even if it isn’t cold it is just something so I’m not hungry nothing all that good or you want to eat. Then I am eating the same handful of stuff over amd over again week after week.

Even when I am home on the weekend I cook but nothing like I use to. We go out to eat or we make quick stuff we get home late or trying to go somewhere.

Maybe I will get to cook something half way decent this weekend.

{February 20, 2017}   Tubes Tied

You all may remember that I decided to do something about birth-control back in December. I didn’t end up going because the kids were out for Winter break when it was. I decided after Wednesday I need to get on the ball and do something about it. I’m not going to live in a bubble for the rest of my life I am going to meet someone and start dating to some extent or have a relationship whatever that may turn out looking like. I am going to need to be doing something for it. If I wait until I “need” it to go and take care of it then there will be the need to use other forms until I can get it taken care of, opening the chance of getting pregnant again. As you all know I do not want to have anymore children of my own at all. Not now, not tomorrow, not ten years from now. I felt the same way 4 years ago after having my daughter and while I was pregnant with her. I already knew she would be the last one I would be having and I was okay with that. I am still okay with it.

I was going to go get on some form of birth control, I was looking at the ring or maybe the patch again if they still offer it. I have never tried the ring but it seems simple enough. The patch wasn’t bad that I can remember other than the black square from the sticky that holds it on and the fact it don’t stay on good for the week. Other than that I do not remember them causing me any problems. The more I have thought about it the more I hate the idea of taking any of that stuff and worry about how well it will work. I got pregnant on the pill taking it at the same time every evening and making sure I took it and dint’ miss any. Wednesday I was not happy about what I found in the stores to use and the thought of using any of them freaks me out because I don’t feel they will work. I know most do, to an extent and I have used them and didn’t get pregnant, I still can’t get past the idea that is all I have to trust. Before I wasn’t to worried about what we used because if it worked it worked great if it didn’t then okay that was fine too. But I wanted kids and more kids back then unlike now. Now I know I am 100% sure I do not want anymore kids.

I called Friday to see about getting an appointment, she said the computer was down but she was going to give my name and number to someone else that could help me. They are supposed to call me back. If I do not hear from them today I am going to call them in the morning. I hate the idea of having it done but worry more about getting pregnant again than the risk or compilations at this point. All you can do is look at the options, pro’s, con’s, risk and decide. I have looked at all the options I feel that with them I would always worry that they didn’t work or what if they didn’t work. I don’t want that stress and worry. I may stress or worry about having the surgery done to tie my tubes but it will be short term, once it is done I will not be stressed or worried about it.

For now I am okay with my decision and not really stressed or worried about it. I hope that I will still feel this way as I get things set up and it gets closer to time to get it. However I feel I have to go through with it so that I feel better in the long run.

{July 24, 2013}   Our Babies

Our babies don’t know what we thought or how we felt when we found out we were pregnant, why we were pregnant or even when we were having them. All they know is the love we give them once they get here.

{July 5, 2013}   Update On New Girl In Town

For the ones who didn’t know or who are new here I had my baby girl or my little bitty as I call her in April. Here is a link to her birth story

New Girl In Town
I can not believe that my baby girl was 3 months old already yesterday. She is so sweet and just perfect. She is starting to gain weight and fill out. I had to stop nursing a few weeks ago and put her on formula. We did really good the first month but then when we went back for her two month check she had only gained 6oz. They said they thought my supply had dropped and she wasn’t getting enough. I had started to wonder the few days before we went for her check up. But then I thought she was just going through a growth spurt and was wanting to eat more. They said to nurse and then give her a bottle. I slowly stopped nursing and just went to bottles. I was going to try to pump and see what I could get and see if I could build my supply back up or figure out what was going on. But I was just so wore out and tired with being the only one that does anything for her and the stress of everything around here I just couldn’t imagine trying to pump for all her bottles. I had to do that with my last and it was trying in of itself with out having the added stress of everything else going on and not having the help with her. I felt really bad I cried when they told me I needed to start giving her bottles and because I wanted to but didn’t want to pump for her and just everything. I went to the store dropped the little girl I am watching off and came home. Me and my baby girl got in bed and that’s where we stayed for the night. I was just so upset and just didn’t want to talk to or be bothered by anyone. I took her to wic two Fridays ago and they said they could help me start nursing her again if I wanted too and help me more once we got started again. But when we were talking she said that stress played a big role in milk production and that hormones that are released when you are stressed will reduce supply and really cause problems. I told her I thought that just leaving her on formula was probably the best thing to do since she was already use to it and doing good with it. Because I am looking for a night job and there is no way I am not going to be stressed right now. I didn’t tell them that about the stress but there is just to much going on right now with things the way they are. I feel this is the best thing for me and her right now. I don’t need the added stress of worrying if she is getting enough if I was nursing her. I wanted to go to meetings from the start but never had anyone to watch my other so I could. I couldn’t take him with me. I can’t now drag 4 other kids with me to meeting or wic all the time to sit forever to keep a check on her. I don’t think it was so much that I wasn’t producing enough I think something else was going on too because she was having the dirty diapers like they said she should have and things. I am thinking that maybe the hormones released from the stress may have been causing problems too. But I don’ t know.

Other than that little problem she is doing great. She is supper smart for 3 months old. She has rolled over here and there since I had her but nothing all the time just out of the blue she would. Well at like 9 weeks old she started rolling over all the time when ever she decided she wanted to. She even this small would try to roll a way from me and smile and think it was funny. I said I should not be fighting my 9 week old baby to put a diaper on her. My 5 or 6 month old yes but not her. She will lay on the bed or sit in her swing and play with her hands. She will hold them out in front of her and grab the fingers on one hand with the other. The last week or so she has started making sounds back when you talk to her. Sometimes she will just be sitting there and start making sounds at you to get you to talk to her and give her attention.

She is just so much fun to watch and play with. The kids love her so much. My older son will sit and talk and talk to her for an hour or two and she will sit and listen and make sounds back and just smile from ear to ear. Like she knows just what he is talking about and soaking it all up and taking it all in. She is she will be one smart girl by the time she gets to kindergarten. He said when I had her I don’t know what to say to her or how to talk to her. I said just talk to her about things you like and things you know. He does he tells her about dinosaurs planets the bones in your body and anything else you can think of. He tells her about god and the bible and the different people in the bible. I love when he tells her how cute she is and how adorable and how much he loves her. It is so cute to listen to and watch.

My baby boy is better about not picking her up buy I still catch him sometimes tying to. He tells her she is a pretty girl and calls her by her name and says my baby. He tells me want to hold baby and if I let him hold her he says take picture. He always wants me to take a picture of him when he is holding her. I just have to be careful because when he decides he is done he will just let go and try to get up and say done. I have to watch so I can pick her up before he lets go and tries to move.

My big girl is good with her she will talk to her and play with her and wants to hold her once in a while. She isn’t as hands on with her as the boys are I don’t know why really. But she will help with her and things when I need it. She does talk to her and play with her some.

{April 15, 2013}   New Girl In Town

My baby girl has arrived. I had her Thursday the 4 th. She is so perfect and tinny and I just love her to death. She was 6 lbs 18 inches born at 8:31 pm.
I got up that morning and got everyone ready for school. Took big boy to the bus big girl to school and went to pick my friends daughter up to drop her at daycare when I took my little guy. After I took them I went back to my friends and went with her to the school about her daughter. I noticed I was having some pains here and there. They were more painfull than normal but not bad. I really figured they would go a way. We got done went to her husbands work and went to buy a bed. After we dropped stuff back at his job we went and had lunch. I kept telling her I was hurting. I noticed they seem to be really close together. We went back to her house and I told her I wasn ‘t coming in I was going to go home take a nap or to the meat market.

I ended up heading about 25 or so miles a way to the meat market. I decided to time my contractions on the way. They were 5 mins apart and lasting about 30 seconds each. I went there came home picked my oldest up from school. I walked in and started to sign her out one of the ladies asked me if i was in labor. I said yes i thought i was she said i look like i was or would be soon. After me and big girl took the meet home put it in the fridge we went to the grogery store to get some stuff and pick up my little guy from daycare. We meet up with father of the year who picked up big boy from the bus and we went and got the boys hair cuts. I let him take all the kids home and went to the dollar store down the street from our house. They didnt have all i was looking for but the contractions were getting more painfull. Still about 5 mins apart maybe lasting longer.

I called my friend. She said she was busy she call me right back. I went home done a few things and went to get in the shower and the contractions were getting worse. I decided i should go to the hospital and skip the shower. I called her again it had been about an hour she hadnt called me back. She was at trivea and forgot to call me. I told her i needed to go to the hospital she said when. I told her now or soon as posible lol. So i went and picked her up from triviea.

She went to get in and i had another contraction i told her she better drive so we traded spots and started the trip to the hospital. Its another 17 miles from where we were she was all worried everytime i would have a contraction. I said at one point goingnover one of the bridges no worries i dont feel the erge to push we are good. All she heard was pish i thought she was going to wreck my truck. All day and up until we pulled into the hospital they were 5 mims apart. We pulled into the parking lot just off the street i had one by the time we got maybe a half block to a parking place i had one then one walking intp the place. Not anymore painful but lasting a bit and and longer. We got in the door they grabbed a wheelchair and was calling upstairs telling them i was on my way.

I got up there told them everything they acted like we wouldnt have a baby for a while and took their time doing stuff. It was 7 they checked said i was 3/4 cm. They done a few other things and decided to move me to a labor n delivery room. I got in there got into the bed and they wanted to put and iv in. I told them i was ok with a block but no iv i wanted to get up move and things. She left came back said doctor was fine with that. She started putting it in my hand and my friend started squerming she hates needles. I dont like them and was having contractions pretty close. I yelled at her to stop lol. They got the iv in i asked for a birthball. I knew at that point i couldnt get up and walk to much but wanted itnto releave spme of the presure and pain. She brought and said she wanted to check me before i got up. She said i was 5 cm at that point. I was mad because they were closer and more painfull. But i hadnt dialated more.

She leaned down to do something i had contraction i said there it went my water broke. She checked me again and checked to see if it had she said i was 7 and there was stuff in the water. The baby had went to the bathroom. I had another contraction and felt like pushing. I looked at her and said i want to push.

My friend looked like no way not yet the nurse looked a little worried said let me check odder things have happen. She checked i was over 9 almost a full 10 there was a little lip stuck in the way they said. They said i was 5at 8pm it was now 4 mimutes after. It had only been 4 minutes since she said i was 5. She had nothing ready no carts hadnt called the doctor respatoriy or anything to come in there. She was hitting buttons calling the nurse station telling them to get everyone in there now and get the doctor on the phone and tell her to get there. They were telling me just breath dont push. I said nope im pushing i cant and kept pushing. Then i was asking them where the doctor was and everything. She got there and she was telling me do this and that and then the nurse started pushing tje monitor on my stomach for the baby heartrate. I was fine with the pain of the contractions but she started doing that it hurt and destracted me. I stopped pushing sat up and told them they were hurting me. Doc said im not touching you. I said she is they kept saying we habe to hear the heart and stuff. I said i camt do this if she going to hirt me. After a min or so and fighting with them threw a contraction the dpctor said if this is what it takes to have a baby leave her alone its fine. I rember for a minute just stopping looking at my friend and the doctor and wanting to say im not doing this this isnt what i want i cant do this i dont want another baby. I dont know why at the sametime i was thinking what why would you say that yes you do. I thpught just do it and a few more pushes and she was out. Doctor asked who was cutting the cord i told my friend to do it. She said something to the doctor i guess where or something. I thought she was saying something else i saod just do it. She did and they took her across the room to check her lungs and things. She was born at 8:31pm 4/4/13 6 lbs 18 inches.

She had to go to the nursery for a few minutes then they brought her right back and she latched and nursed really good. Because of the stuff where she went to the bathroom we had to stay 3 days. They had to clip her tounge because she was tied too like my last one. I remeber at one point after my water broke and waiting for the doctor to get there telling them i just want to get up and take a shower i feel so dirty lol and them all laughing at me. Later my friend said you were mean to that nurse but when the doctor got there there was noone elsebin the room bit you and her. I love my doctor she is so great.
image Right after i had her
image Ready for the pic they take before you go home at the hospital.

Read the rest of this entry »

{January 18, 2013}   House and Baby Update

We finally got a place Wednesday. We moved two of the beds in and I have went out and got some stuff but we don’t have much there right now other than us and one of the dogs. It is just so late by the time he gets off work we get dinner and things. we are making due with what we have and with what I have been buying. I got rid of most everything when we left the house and when I went and stayed with RC. I had a lot of it from when me and ex got married or shortly after so I decided to start over and get new stuff. I have to get stuff for the living room a bunch of stuff for the kitchen. I think I am going to use the table I got when I was with RC because I don’t have a big spot for it. The kids have beds but I want to get new ones. They are going to have to wait a little bit. I have a bed I’m not worried about getting anything I’m fine with it. I am going to put the baby in the room with me he is in with the boys and my big girl got her own room. I have to put the crib up and put the chest in there for her clothes and things. I have a nice size walk in closet with built in shelves and things I am going to put my stuff in there and be done. I got the master bed with the bathroom and things. I may have to change with him and the boys but I really don’t want to. I don’t want them to have it because I don’t want to have to keep my 2 year old from playing in the bathroom all the time. I want to be able to put him in his room to play with out worrying about it. or down for a nap. All the rooms are really about the same size with in a few inches of each other really I think. He is just going to have to down size to a smaller bed. He wants to keep his king and it is to big for the rooms. They need a twin and full but he don’t want to go smaller than a queen. I can’t wait to decorate and get everything for the house. I got a tv last night. I went to the rental place and got one. I figure I will pay it off in a month or so when tax money comes in. Then I will have a nice tv for a while. I was looking for living room stuff but they didn’t really have anything. I am going to go look some places tomorrow when I don’t have to take the kids. Baby boy has been in rare form the last week or so. Throwing fits every where over everything. I will post some pictures that they have on the listing. But I will post more better ones once I get everything together and done.


abc2 abc3 abc4 abc5 abc6















abc1It is a little dated but it will work. It was in the area we want to be in and it has enough room for us all. Figure it will be ok for a year. maybe not even have to be that.




Why we were renting a trailer at the storage place to get the beds the doctors office called. I figured they were calling because I missed the 3 hour sugar test I was supposed to do that day. She then tells me that the baby is measuring small and that I have to come in and have NST done twice a week until I have it. I got it put off until Tuesday. I told her I had a doctors appointment then could I just do it right before or right after she said before was fine. I then have to make appointments for the rest of them when I leave. they had told me that it was right on track all this time and the two test I had. But they said the u/s I had the other days shows it is small. I wouldn’t be to worried if it was weight they were talking but they say bones and all are small. That don’t seem right if it was right on track before. They said when they did the test it would be hard to to see any of the markers for downs because I was so far along but they weren’t seeing anything. But that didn’t mean that they weren’t there or there was nothing wrong. She did say that most the time with that there is like one bone that is small and the rest are good. so i don’t know I go back Tuesday and talk to the doctor. I just wish it was all over and she was here now with all this going on. I hate it because I have felt from the start that something was wrong before I ever got to go to the doctor. that is one reason I went to the ER when I couldn’t get into the doctor. but I wonder now if what they told me there was right or not. I am so sleepy I am here doing my 3hr test for sugar because I failed the 1hr. Had to take a nap and come back. I didn’t get to bed until 2 and was already out the door and on the road by 5:30 am. Then not eating and drinking that sugar nasty stuff they give you I was feeling so sleepy and sick. I have 45 more minutes to go and one more stick. Then I can eat, it will have been 18 hours by the time I get to eat since I ate last night. I think I will pass this one my sugar was only 87 when I came in after not eating since last night. They said that was really good. I am still pretty sleepy and feeling kind of sick still. Can’t wait to go eat and feel better. wish I had brought something with me to eat but I didn’t. I have to stop and get something.

1blog 2blog

<——- It’s a baby foot


















<————-And a baby face with and arm up in front of it.

{January 11, 2013}   2nd Doctors Appointment

Tuesday I made it to my 2nd doctors appointment for the baby. I was supposed to go the Thursday before but had to cancelled because ex didn’t get off to watch the kids like he was supposed to. I had them all home still for Christmas break. They had called and left a message saying they had results from my ultrasound they did right after Thanksgiving at the hospital when I got sick and had to go. They said I didn’t need to go for the one they gave me paper work to get. I never called back to get the results they told me at the ER everything looked great. I had to much going on and just didn’t bother with it.

Well when I got in there Tuesday I was in trouble some other women said she had been trying to get a hold of me. Then she says that they were calling to tell me I needed to be on bed rest all this time and that I needed to get that other test right a way. I told her the one call I got said not to get it so I hadn’t been worried about it. She just looked at me and walked out. She also said that the blood work I was supposed to get I needed new orders for because I now was farther along and needed more test. She just wasn’t very nice at all. I didn’t feel good and had baby boy with me getting into everything. I had been up and driving around since 4am. I was already upset and tired. This visit was with the doctor and she finally came in after what seemed like forever. They said she would be in in just a minute. She came in and started talking to me. She knows the spot we are in right now and that we are staying here and there. I guess she looked over my file and the NP had talked to her. I think the other lady must have talked to her about the test too. She was so nice about everything. She told me that she wanted to know if it was ok if she talked to some of the churches in the area to see if they had anything they could do or help us find a place and things. I told her that was fine. She asked if I had car seat and things. I told her I had the one for my son but nothing for the baby yet. She said she was going to see what she could do about that too. I told her I had money to get a place and to get seats and things. We just couldn’t find a place in our price range that they are either gone or we get turned down for them. She said she was going to work on it and get back with me. I was so tired and upset I was crying before we even got started with the exam. She said she was writing more orders for more test and asked if I would get them done with in the next day or two. I told her I would do my best. I am staying 50 miles a way from her office or more and have the baby to take everywhere with me. But that I would figure out something.

She said that my placenta was way to low and close to the cervix and that they needed to look at it and see if it had moved or how bad it really was. Until I go back I she wanted me on bed rest so that nothing happen. I told her I didn’t know how that was going to work but that I would rest as much as I could. She was worried because I lost weight instead of gaining anything in the last month. I told her I have been sick my tooth has been bothering me and I am just stressed and wore out. I am eating but I hardly ever feel hungry. I had a half a sub two days here and then a little bit at dinner. But I eat a little bit and then I feel full in just a few bites or feel sick. I know it is stress and being here at my moms. All I hear is complain all day and how I should be doing everything and how it should be done and on and on. We don’t get along at all. The baby is into everything here he has no one to play with. He has his toys but he is bored the other kids are too. I had gained a lot when we spent the 3 weeks with my friend but things were much more relaxed and everyone was happier . even though we had 4 adults and 9 kids in the house. Plus me and her would cook and things get stuff done together the kids could play why we did what we had to do we were having to watch them 24/7 and make sure they weren’t getting into stuff. They could go outside and play too. we would make or go get something for lunch and things too.

Here I am so stressed and then this week the kids went back to school. I have to get up at 4 have him to work by 5 then sit for two hours before one gets on the bus and the other goes to school. Then me and the baby have nothing to do or no where to go until they get off and we can head home. We ride around all day or find place to park and sit why he sleeps and things. It is crazy, by the time I get home I am so tired from not getting sleep the night before and things. Then have to make dinner and feed the kids get them ready for the next day. By the time I go to bed it is a few hours before I have to get up and do it again. Then I hear how I do nothing and everyone else is doing everything and how he has to help when he worked all day and all this stuff. I am just over it. Half the time we can’t even come home when he gets off we have to go meet the lady and look at houses. Then come home. I just pray we find something this weekend and get moved so that we don’t have to worry about it all next week. I keep them home today and didn’t take them I am going to get in trouble if I keep them home to much. Big boy really needs to be there so he can get caught up and where he needs to be. the last month has throw everything off for him.

{November 26, 2012}   Drum Roll Please

As you all know yesterday/last night when I was at the ER they did a ultrasound and the lady was supper nice. She asked me if I wanted to know what it was. I wasn’t sure so she did what she had to do told me when she knew and went on doing what she had to do. Then took some time to show me the baby some. I finally told her to go ahead and tell me what it was.


And It’s A

Now I will have two boys and two

I had said all along it was a girl I just knew. Then when my grandpa and things were sick something inside me said I’m a girl and my name is Charlotte. I don’t not like the name but not one I would pick or am crazy about using. But I haven’t ruled it out. I still have 19 weeks or so to think about it. My big boy has said it was a girl too. He was dead set he was having a sister.

I asked him how he was so sure. He said because you had sissy and then me and then brother and after me and brother came the only thing left in there is a girl so it has to be.

I waited until my mom left the party before I told her I didn’t want it to get out to the kids it was a girl. I wanted to tell them. They were so excited. My big boy said YES see I told you. My big girl was excited too. She said she wanted a boy but I think she really wanted a girl too. I think there were just so many boys already that she figured this one would be too. So she wasn’t getting her hopes up. I am excited too. I love my girl to death but I feel boys are way easier than boys. But I love to dress little girls.

{November 26, 2012}   No Party For Me Today

Saturday was my mom’s 50th birthday so my sister decided to throw her a small surprise party at her house yesterday. She had asked me if ex would go pick up my grandma and grandpa as their truck needs something done to it and my grandpa hadn’t fixed it yet. He said sure he didn’t mind. Today we were all sitting here getting ready and I asked him to let the baby and my big girl ride with him. He said that would be fine. I knew the baby would want to go no matter what he always wants to go with daddy. My girl she is hit and miss but I wanted to stop at the store and didn’t want to deal with her at the store. She had just gotten in trouble for about the 100th time over some thing she had been told to put a way and wait on. I wasn’t taking her and letting her get what she wanted and I wasn’t going through the why she couldn’t take her money and get it since we were going. So I just told her to ride with him. My big boy doesn’t want to go most the time. He had wanted to get my mom something for her birthday so I was going to let him get her a little something.

We left not long after them and went around the corner from the house to the store. We walked around and looked for a few minutes. Then he picked out a nut cracker. We looked some more as I tried to get him to get something else. He was set she needed a nut cracker so I said ok. We were at the back of the store he was looking at little bags, I started to feel sick my head kind of hurt I just didn’t feel right all of a sudden. I told him to hurry let’s go home. I figured I would come home for a bit get a drink and then head to my sisters if I still didn’t feel good call ex to pick us up when he got back since we had plan to meet over there.

I made it to the front of the store and I got to where I couldn’t hear and everyone was spinning and going black. I just seen a woman I knew go by me. I turned and grabbed her cart and was trying to tell her I was sick a needed to sit down. She was trying to get someone else who worked there I just sat right there in the middle of the floor. I couldn’t see or hear my ears popped I felt like someone dropped me down a dark hole and I was falling blind to the bottom. I could faintly hear stuff around me and things but didn’t know what they were saying and stuff. In a minute or so I was alright. I still couldn’t hear right but I could see. I was still dizzy and light-headed. They had brought a chair over. I sat on that. My friend was asking if I wanted her to call my mom or who. My mom lives almost 50 miles a way. Some how we ended up with her on the phone anyway. I hung up and called a few people right next to me I know but they weren’t home. I had to call my friend ARH again. The one who always helps me. I heard her talking to someone she said she would be there in a few minutes. Her and her husband showed up. They had just got in the truck to go to the store across the street from where I was at. They took me to the ER. I remember telling them I just want to go to sleep I just feel so sleepy and I don’t feel right I don’t know how to explain it but I don’t feel right.

She walked me in and got me signed in and everything. She asked me if I wanted her to take Elisha with her why she did her shopping. She was going to go run get what she had to get and take her two girls and husband home then come back and sit with me. Because we had no car or anything I had to leave my truck sitting at the store when I left. I told her to just drop him off at my sisters around the corner because everyone was still going there for the party and she had to pass it when she left the hospital to go back to the store and home. She kept saying she would be back. I told her not to run all the way back down there my mom was on her way up and that everyone was going to be a few blocks a way if I needed anything I would get one of them. I hate for her to run all the way up there and sit all night when she has her kids and husband at home she needs to be doing for. She does so much for me. We made a deal I would check in with her every so often as they did things and let her know what was going on. I remember trying to read the paper and fill it out and things for them and it seemed like it was taking me forever. I skipped stuff I couldn’t figure out like the day and time and different stuff. i finally handed back to her and said give this to them I don’t know all this. They got me straight back I was surprised. The doctor came in right a way trying to check me out they two nurses one was a nurse he was getting a gown I don’t know what they other was or what he was doing. I think he was getting oxygen and heart test set up or something. The doctor said you have to get in a gown I can’t check you like this. I was going to put it on they just stood there he stood there holding it. He said just get undressed put it on the best you can in the bed we don’t want you up and we can’t leave you. I got my shirt and things off they let me keep my pants. They hooked me to all the wires and test.

They came in right a way and said they needed to do blood and a IV. Most the time thy do it all out of on thing. Not tonight. I don’t know what all they were doing to me but the lab woman said well this is a great vain for a IV I’m going to let you have it and get blood over there somewhere. The other woman finished and they traded sides. This other guy come in sticking stuff all under my gown and hooking me to more wires and doing some test why they did that. The woman did the IV and she got some of the blood they needed why she started that. Then why she was doing that and he was doing whatever he was doing the other stuck me and in the arm and got more blood. They had to put the IV in the hand. Sometime in all the confusion right after I got there and got into a gown ex and my baby boy showed up. So he was there why they were doing all this. By the time the circus had left the room my mom and her husband showed up. Then in just a minute they came in and said they were talking me to ultrasound I would be back in 20 or 30 minutes. I told my mom just to take my baby boy and go to my sisters with her and the other kids. She knew they were having cake but she didn’t know anyone else was there. I didn’t want everyone to be sitting there waiting on her and her sitting there with me. I didn’t want to tell her she needed to go because everyone was there. She said ok and took him and went.

We got back there to do the u/s and she looked around a little and then asked if I can tell what the baby is do you want to know? I said I really don’t know. She said think about it and let me know and went on doing the test. Little while later she said ok I know what your baby is if you decide what you want to do. She did some more stuff she needed to do then asked me if I would like to see it. So she showed me the head and face I could see its arm and spine. She showed me the brain the heart and kidney’s. She said that’s the babies legs it’s got long legs. I told her go ahead and tell me what I was having. I pretty much knew I wanted to see if I was right. The kids really wanted to know too. Plus I have a ton of little boy clothes here that I needed to do something with. Go through and keep what I wanted and drag around just in case or just skipping going through and dragging them around and give a way. She said everything looks great with the baby. I was happy to hear that and finally see it. She said she couldn’t tell about downs like I have wondered about that was blood work and things.

They took me back to the room and a woman came in and said she needed to pull more blood. She said the doctor wanted a blood Gas I think she called it. Instead of taking blood from the vain they take it straight out of the artery because it showed different stuff. She stuck me up by the bend of my arm in the fatty area and it hurt so bad. Then I thought she was done. She had pulled it out and said she couldn’t get it. They can’t see them or feel them like vanes before they stick you. they have to stick you and dig for them. She then stuck me in the wrist and finally got one and got what they needed.

Then the doctor came in and said that he wanted to talk to the techs about how far along I was and doing a CT scan on me. Then goes on to tell me that when I came in my oxygen level was really low and dropping out and that when they did these other test where they checked my states laying sitting and standing that they were dropping to low when I was up and moving around. That they are worried I may have a blood clot or clots in my lungs. He said clots are very common to form in pregnant women and that the legs and lungs are the main places and that if you get them in the lungs it would cause problems like I had. He talked it over with the tech and they went over my U/S and decided that the risk of not doing it out weighed the risk of doing it with me pregnant. They talk to me and asked if I wanted to have it done or not. By this point they got me worried and scarred. I went ahead and said yes because there really no other way to tell. They took me back put the dye in and did that test.

After and hour or so they came in and said that the lungs were very clear and that the other test showed everything was ok. They were not sure why it happen they only other thing they could figure was that I was dehydrated. I always am pregnant or not they always tell me I am dehydrated. I was in L&D twice a week with my middle getting bags of fluids all day and was still dehydrated most the time. But they wanted me to go to L&D so they could listen to the baby heart rate and things before I left. I waited and hour for them to move me from down stairs up there and there was nothing going on or either floor. Then they had to take me up front discharge me from ER and have me admit myself just to go upstairs. Then I get up there and they keep me maybe 45 minutes if that and sent me home. Most that time was the time it took to get me in the room moved to their bed hooked up try to draw blood again and then tell me I could go home. They listen to the baby maybe 5 minutes. I refused the blood work they stuck me once couldn’t get the blood they just wanted labs to have on record nothing to do with why i had come in or to check on anything to do with why I came in. I said nope that is 6 times now I have been stuck for blood you didn’t get it I am hungry I told you all I hadn’t eaten since 11 am it is after 8:30 pm I haven’t been allowed to drink and now you are telling me I am dehydrated more and that makes it harder to get blood I refuse I am going home so that I can get something to eat and drink. The lab woman said I understand I would have refused them all together because they are worthless they don’t even want you to stay for results or call for them they just want them on file. It isn’t your doctor ordering them this doctor don’t need them and your doctor will want to do their own. The nurse didn’t like it but what can they do. I was starting to get sick from not eating and drinking and them pulling all these blood test. Enough is enough already. I was done being lab rat for the day. I think everyone in the lab on two shifts got to poke me.
Needless to say by the time I got to my sisters everyone had went home. But my babies and my neace all made me cards and colored me pictures. They gave me flowers and a balloon when I got home.

et cetera
%d bloggers like this: