{September 4, 2017}   Peter Pan, Wendy and the Plan

As you all know I sometimes call Father of the Year as Peter pan. “His” song (Peter Pan)come on the radio the other day me and my friend were out somewhere. I said hey there’s his song and we were laughing. Then I thought of it, I said hey if he is Peter Pan then that must mean she is Wendy. So now depending on who we are around we call them Peter Pan and Wendy. The only parts of the song that really reminds me of him if the chores when she is singing your never going to grow up your never going to be a man, your always going to fly away just because you know you can. Because that is just how he is. He there when he wants to be gone when he feels like it, don’t take care of anything like a kids.

Anyway I have a plan for them as well now that this has all happen an I have this half way decent job for a little bit. I am going to take money out and pay a lawyer to take him to court. I still have no address to serve him and all that but that I am not worried about. I think I have a plan to make this all work out and so that I can get what I want in court. At this point I think he can pretty much be gotten for abandonment of the children he don’t see them or support them in anyway. He don’t want anyone to know how to get a hold of him if something was to happen so there is no contact. The kids have been to the doctors a few times one is waiting to go to a specialist and all I think have been to the er since he has left. He knows nothing about it other than what he may of heard from others.

When we go to court I want him to just sign his rights up and be done. For the soul perpuse he can not just walk in and out of the kids lives and do like he has the last year or more and so that if or when he decides he wants to play daddy again because it suits him at the time I can keep him at arms length and figure out how to handle things and talk it over with the kids. Let the kids decide if and how they want to see him and handle things with him at that point. He can not force me to let him see them if they don’t want to, he can’t go to court and try to make me let him see them and when I get ready to move or if I move and decide I want to again I can without asking him or the courts. Plus this way he can’t just go pick them up from school, sports, daycare or anything else without me knowing and taking them off to where ever he wants to talk them and I have to fight to get them back. If he was to show up and try to just take them then he would be in trouble.

I am thinking right now if I do not have contact with him or know where he is living then when we go to court in Jan or Feb I have no address to have him served. I don’t know where he is working or living then he can’t be served. But I can go to court and ask the judge if I can file a notice in the paper for so many days or weeks in hopes he see’s it or someone does and tells him he comes forward. But if he don’t then I still win in court because he is not able to be reach. I am sure they will not take his rights away but I can get full custody and child support. Full custody will help keep him from taking them just whenever he wants as well or coming around. If they can’t do away with his rights then I do want child support. When I find out he has a job or child support finds out he has one then they can go after him for it. I won’t have to. I also will be able to move out of state and do whatever I want with the kids as well. I just hope that everything can and will go as I think it should. I have my money coming by Friday and I have an appointment to talk to the lawyer the 14th. I just hope that she says yest this all can be done this way and that I am likely to win my case if I do it this way or tell me what i am going to need to do to win my case.

He did send my oldest a message on Facebook a few days after he knew their school went back. I was so pissed because the last one he sent was the day school got out she asked him for $50 so she could get her school work so she could work over the Summer and get caught up to grade level. In his message the other day he put something about missing and loving them and hope they have good school year. To me that was just a dig that I didn’t give you the money and now school started back you don’t need it I can contact you again. Hope you have a good school year say to me I don’t plan to be around. Few people I have talk to said the same thing. I say he just knew that school started back and sent it or that is why he brought up the school year but my kids didn’t start back until a week or more after the public school kids started this year. Last year they started with them so he had some way of knowing they didn’t go back until late because it came a day or two days after they started. If he thought they stared when public school did he sent it sooner. I left it as unread because she has not been on to see it. She hardly ever uses facebook. I wanted to reply but I didn’t. I wanted to go find him and reply face to face but I knew I couldn’t.

He makes me so sick he has no contact other than some bs like that once every three months or something. But then he post all over his page how he got married, how he is so in love and how in love they are with each other. I said who are they trying to convince other than their self because the stuff they are saying they shouldn’t have to say to others it would be implied or figured. I wanted to post as my daughter and say so this is how your own kids find out? You didn’t even think enough of us to come tell us face to face or ask if we wanted to be there? But I guess that is to be expected from a father that has had no contact with us since April and who don’t care if we have things we need or anything else and then leave us to pay the vet bill for our dog that you let get killed. Glad to see that you love someone and have someone to love you since you don’t seem to use anymore. Put it all out there for his family, friends, church friends and everyone to see and know how he is doing his kids. He tells everyone I won’t let him see them, I just take his money and spend it on my self and waste it. But if it comes right from her what can they say. They all know how my oldest is and that she isn’t like most kids her age she is way above that and speaks her mind when she has something to say. Who wouldn’t at almost 14 when their dad runs off and does what he has.

I talk to my oldest about a lot of this and told her he sent the message and things. I told her about going to the lawyer and what I wanted to try to do there and everything. She said I don’t blame you if you didn’t let him see us after all that he has done. I sure wouldn’t let him see us if I was you and he had done all that. I said but that if your dad, yalls dad and I am not going to keep you all from having a relationship with him if that is what you want. But I am not going to force you to have one just because that is what he decides he wants if you don’t. We were talking about him trying to pick them up from school or what if he decided to. She said yes but we wouldn’t go. She said well I wouldn’t but i don’t know about the boys because they are younger and things. I explained to her that the police would make me let them go if it was this day or that day and that even if they didn’t want to they would tell them they had to go. That was why I was trying to do things the way i was but that they could still have a relationship with him if they wanted to no matter what I did or didn’t get in court. If he came around and wanted one. But that what happen in court would dictate how much of one they had to have and leave it all up to them to have it on their terms of if they went places if they talked to him on the phone, if they decided to stay the night if it built up to that. It would all be up to them not him to just say the papers say i get you this time to this time so you got to come. She liked that idea.

I just want to get in front of this lawyer and get this done with and know what I have. I don’t know if it is something we are going to do right away since I am at this job making ok money I was thinking to have her file the first of the year. Then I will not have this job making all that money and they will not figure it into the child support he owes. Not that I really expect to see any of it anyway but still. If I do then he needs to pay at the right rate for a change.

I hope that Father of the Year is having himself a grand time living it up with his whore. Because why he is I am here trying to comfort my Big Guy Mr.6 through his anxiety attacks. He has been extra sensitive and tonight went into full blown attack. I don’t know if you remember back when my dad passed a few years ago we dealt with this. Well he been doing really good the last year, I hadn’t even thought about them. Between the dog and Father of the Year they are back and maybe worse than before. It really sucks because I don’t know what to do for him.

They are doing a deep cleaning of their room because they have let it get way out of hand thinking that someone else would come in there and clean it for them if they just didn’t do it long enough. Not happening I been telling them for to long to do it now it’s getting deep cleaned. Well he had a pair of old shoes that are wore out really laying there and the guine pigs dumped stuff all over them. I told them in passing to throw them away. Not worth trying to save and keep or give anyone. He has new Star wars shoes, I don’t even know the last time he wore them. Soon as I said it he went into full blown attack, no, no, please don’t get rid of them I have to keep them on his knees begging me to keep them not to get rid of them. I finally told him I would buy him a new pair of he would please just get rid of those they were really yucky. To that he agreed because then he will have them to help him remember them and to have.

For him it is about remembering things and being close to things. He is a very hands on touching hugging loving on you kid. When he gets this way he can’t get rid of anything because he don’t want to forget it, so if he has it then he won’t forget it. When it was my dad it was easier to explain and help him than it is with this. With grandpa he was upset he hadn’t called him or wrote him a letter like he thought he would and we didn’t get to go see him. We explained that where grandpa was he couldn’t write letters or call and that grandpa didn’t want to leave him that he was really sick and the sickness wouldn’t go away and he died that he would much rather be here with him but he didn’t get to pick. We explained that grandpa wasn’t sick anymore and he felt good and we should be happy about that for grandpa. Because we wouldn’t want grandpa here just so he could be with us if he was sick and hurting and thing. Once we explained it to him and we talked about it he got a lot better. Like I said he wasn’t having them anymore.

But now how do you explain to a 6 year old that their daddy choose to not have anything to do with him? How do you explain that and make it okay? You can’t it is’t okay and there is no way to make it okay. It’s just not something that is going to ever be okay. He knows his daddy is choosing not to have anything to do with him. He knows that he could call and don’t, he knows he could come see him and don’t. He knows that he choose to change his phone number and not give it to use so we can’t call him when he wants to. They didn’t often but there were times they would call him for different things. He has a field trip coming up next week and kindergarten graduation coming up next week, I am sure he wants to tell him all about it and for him to come but he can’t. I can’t take my truck and go so I was going to borrow his to go with him now I can’t even go with him, I don’t even have the money now i had to use it for other things we needed. I let something else go to be able to pay for his trip so he could go. The big kids school paid for their trip I came up with enough money to pay for a small lunch for them.

I do not know what to do for him or how to help him, I know telling him I would get another pair of shoes wasn’t the right thing to do. But what was I supposed to do for him after all that he has been through and going through? I couldn’t sit there and watch him cry his eyes out like he was and beg on the floor. I know it isn’t over the shoes at all but he is holding on to all that he can he feels so lost and out of control I am sure. I am worried because next week is the last week we see their therapist that they go to. She is moving out of state, they will still see her through telehealth but I know that isn’t going to be the same for Big Guy. I hope it don’t make things worse for him.

I am so mad at Father of the Year right now over this more than any of it I think. Knowing how he is and knowing he already had problems with this in the past he cares about nothing but himself and sex. Because that is what it all boils down to. From what I can tell they are still sleeping in the truck and staying in the truck. Not sure if I said this the other day or not. But she is not on line all day so I am guessing he didn’t get her a phone, I am not sure if he got himself one or not. I think they are still staying in the car because she gets on line about the time he would be going into work and she is on all night until the time he gets off. It isn’t like he leaves for work and she gets on or he gets home from work and she gets off. Its with in minutes of when he should be in the lot at work she is on and with in minutes of the time he would be leaving work she is off and she is off at break time and then right back on soon as he goes back in. If they had a place or even a motel room she would be on more because they have wifi.

I just want to find them, they are lucky I don’t have extra money to spend right now. My friend keeps telling me to let it be there is a time and place and theirs will come around. But I am so angry about what he is doing to my kids. All that I have put up from him over the years to not do something like this to them, all the things he has done to me and I still bend over backwards to let him be in their life and let them have him around, and he goes and pulls some shit like this, it is done it is over it will come around.

They both walk in and out of these kids lives like nothing, they don’t think about if it effects them or how it effects them. They aren’t the ones here that have to deal with them being upset, sad, angry and down right nasty. They do not think about what they have already been through with losing the dog and then how close they had become to Wanda but then to have Father of the Year just ignore them like he has. Him ignoring them the other night just pushed them over the edge. This shit is why I do not want Little Bitty to call him daddy or to even think of him as daddy or being that person. He is far from it to even his own kids and do them this way and now her too because every fucking body calling him daddy to her. She has been the one that has been acting out the worse the last few days. I am to the point I can’t stand to be around her, it don’t matter what I say or do she just has a huge fit and shows her ass and refuse to listen. I can’t tell you how much trouble she has been in and even spankings the last few days. She had a fit yesterday in the store because she couldn’t have a $4 drink just because it had a cartoon head on it. I am not paying that for that when I can buy two full size jugs of juice for that. Then when we were with my mom she through a huge fit in the store because she couldn’t have a pony. I had to pick her up both times and carry her out of the store kicking screaming and fighting and couldn’t even hold her down to get her strapped into her seat. I spanked her it didn’t help took stuff away it didn’t help. Then all I hear is my mom bitching you don’t make her listen you let her do what she wants your why she is this way. She has no fucking clue what she does or what she is like because that is the most she has been around her in a year or more. This is not how she does most the time this is all new. My head hurts now from yelling at her I hate to yell and hardly ever do but she has been so bad and just have a fit and talk over top of you. Tonight the kids cleaned up the living room a lot of it her stuff but they picked it up. She came in here dumped two or three things every where all over. Then yelling and having a fit. I told her finally get your stuff and get out, if you are not going to clean up and listen act like a human and treat everybody nicely you have to get out of my house. She said okay I will go get my stuff and live with grandma. I said no you aren’t living with grandma you are going to stay outside because grandma don’t want you living with her the way you act either. She got all mad. But she finally come in here and cleaned up all the mess she made. She rolled on the floor yelling her legs hurt, she was tired, she needed her temperature checked but she got it all up. I am not having this she is not going to act this way and get away with it and walk around like she can do what she wants.

et cetera
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