{September 11, 2019}   Fresh, But Not To Fresh

While we were waiting to see what we were going to do for the hurricane, if we needed to stay or go and where Mr. 8 spent a lot of time in his room. He was playing with toys and just laying around on his bed. Like me just hanging out bored and waiting.

He came into my room laid on the bed with me and was talking to me. He told me he had decided he wanted to adopt 5 kids. He wanted to adopt three boys and two girls.

He was asking me how much it cost to adopt and things like that. I looked it up on the phone and told him it was free or very cheap if you did it through foster care. He was asking about that, what it was and things. I told him he had to be 21 to adopt that way.

He said well I will get a dog and buy a house at 18 and hang out until I am 21 and can adopt my kids. He said I have thought about it, I want them to be around 5/6 but not 7/8 years old. He want on to say he wants them fresh but not to fresh.

I said what? Fresh but not, to fresh?

He said yeah I want them to be potty trained and be able to do things for their selves like eat and do fun things. But I don’t want them to be 7/8 because that is to fresh.

I asked him why 5 not 4 or 6 kids? Why 3 boys and two girls? why not more girls, less boys?

He explained that 5 kids would be enough chose how much did I think he could handle? He thought he could handle 5 but not more. He said he is a boy and knows about boys more than girls so that was why he wanted 3 boys and only two girls.

He is such a sweet, caring and thoughtful little guy. I hope he stays that way. I hope he grows up and does get to adopt and have his 5 kids. Maybe by then he will decide that he wants a wife or girlfriend. For the last few years and even now he has said he don’t want a girlfriend or wife he will just have a dog they are less trouble. Oh and he don’t have to kiss them and a girlfriend or wife will want him to kiss them and that is just weird.

My oldest mr. , Mr. 13 wants to have an orphanage when he is older and all the kids are going to get a pet and he is going to take pictures of them and show people to find them a home.

{July 26, 2018}   I Would Get Married Again

I have been thinking about what I want in life, where I want to go, what I want to have, who I want to be with, how I want that relationship to look and work, what I want from it, what I am willing to give.

The thought of so many guys wanting to get married and have kids this late in life. It just still blows my mind. Marriage and having kids are no go for me. They have been deal breakers and no budging on them.

Now thinking about this I can 100% see where RC was coming from with somethings. Back to that later but it just hit like bricks.

I was thinking a lot about what and how much am I willing to put into a relationship. How do I make someone see why I feel that way? Make them see it is not anything to do with them but me and things I been thorough.

Like with these two and others wanting to get married and have a baby. Well one says no now but actions speak louder than words. But I have been thinking about this because it seems to be what guys want. Thinking about the baby and the one. I know how much kids mean to him and he didn’t get to be there for his when they were little. I know how much that bothers him. But I can not give him a baby. And the reasons are along the same lines as to why he wants more. I don’t because of the way my kids have been done by their fathers. Not saying he would do that but I don’t want to put another child through a break up amd broken home. I am not “looking” for a “daddy” for my kids never have been never will be. But one thing regardless is that whomever I end up with is going to have to like my kids and be a part of the family. My kids are to little for me to be the go between for the next 13 years. I want someone it isn’t forced or awkward. That is one thing I liked about Sleeping Beauty he got along with the kids and wanted to do things and talk with them be there for them. You could tell he cared about them. They took to him and liked having him around. I can’t give him a baby but I can give him 4 great kids who care about him and like having him around. That need a strong male roll model in their lives. I can promise him that I am not going to just up and decide that this is not what I want or that he did something to piss me off or find someone else and leave. That if we have a problem I am going to come to him and work it out. They just have to be willing to talk and work it out not run or avoid it. I don’t want to fight I just want to sit down and work it out. I have fought to much in my life I just want to be happy and work things out. So if being a part of a family who is going to truely care about him and wants to have him I can offer that. But I can’t give him a baby.

Now the marriage part I never wanted to do it the first time muchless do I want to do it a second time. But when thinking about all this yesterday it kind of hit me that either one of them could step in and really be there for my kids and be close to my kids. And if it really worked out and things do not improve with their dad they would have them to fill that and that would be fine as long as it came about on its own between them and not forced or pushed. It wouldn’t be, just like when I was with RC. The kids were given their space to decide how and what kind of relationships they had with us. Some warmed up faster than others. But if it came down to it and we really became a tight knitt close family and they took him in as dad and he took them in as his I would consider marrying again. And really making us a family. If their dads didn’t come back into the picture even letting them adopt them. But that would be the only way I would consider getting married again.

Now I can see what RC was talking about getting married and adopting his boys. But we not been together near long enough to consider that at that point. I had to much other stuff to worry about and take care of before we could of gotten to that point. But i see wanting to do that if things are good everyone is close and the other parent isn’t in the picture.  If the kids wanted it.

I am sure it probably would never come to that. But just thinking about things in a different state of mind really lets you see things that maybe you didn’t before or understand them better. Thinking about it does seem that he did really care and wanted more but that his problem did get in the way and her coming in the picture when she did wasn’t a good idea. But everything happens for a reason and maybe like this and other things I will figure it out and where I am supposed to be now.

{January 27, 2018}   Adopted Daughter

A few nights ago my mom ran into a friend of Father of the Year. She use to be a close friend of mine and her and her brother are how I met father of the year. But she stepped in the middle of things with me and him after being told to stay out of it and I told her how it was and cut her off from then on. We have not really talked in about 7 years.

My mom said they were standing there in the store she reach to help someone do something and when she looked up at who it was it was her. She told my mom that Father of the year told her he is paying me, that I refuse to let him see the kids or have anything to do with them and best of all that he adopted my little one. I was mad as hell because my kids are big enough to tell anyone who has questions what happen and how he told them he was going to get a place they could come to and see him spend the night, how he told them he was leaving people in jams but he had to do this, how he called the cops on us when we were trying to get him to just pay what he owed and how he has walked and drove by us in parking lots and things and acts as if he don’t see them and runs away jumps in the car and flies out of there. How when he see’s my friends out places and me or the kids are not even around he gets up and leaves when no one has even said anything to him. They can tell them how he hasn’t been here for birthdays or Christmas, has no idea his kids have been sick so bad they needed to go to the hospital one two or three times in as many days and almost kept.

But then to tell people he adopted my daughter and how he takes care of her. He acts like “daddy” when anyone is around and I tell her all the time he is not her daddy and him not to play daddy and for everyone to not tell her that is daddy. He begged me to let him go on the birth certificate and to give her his last name. That way I didn’t have to fight with her dad if he came in the picture and so that everyone would have the same last name. I said nope she is getting my name or her daddies name. I am not worried about her daddy coming around and trying to get her or fight me for her. I figure he may show up at some point and want to meet her see her but I don’t worry that he will try to take her or fight me for her. Like I told him that is her dad he has a right to her if he decides to come around. You have three you hardly take care of and do for now and complain because you have to. You are the last person I would want to tie her to or say was her dad. We had not even been together for years when I had her.

I am so mad the next time I see him I am going to say something about it right in front of everyone. How he still isn’t paying for his kids and still has nothing to do with them and that no one is keeping him from them other than himself and his ol lady.

I told my friend I should pack their bags drive them over there have her go with me so that she can record it all and tell him since he told everyone that I refuse to let him see his kids I thought I would bring them over and drop them off for his weekend, here they are and make sure to have them to school on time Monday. Then sit there and watch him trip all over himself why they can’t stay why they have to leave and most likely call the police to tell me that I can’t come back there. If it wasn’t for the fact of my kids getting hurt in all of it and knowing how he would do them and not take them I would do it in a heartbeat. Then when someone says that and when we go to court I can play it for the judge and be like here you go your honor he is not taking care of his kids he don’t even want to see them or take them for his time.

I posted something saying along the lines of for the ones that didn’t know he left and has not been around or paying and that he did not adopt my daughter. That I do not refuse to let him see his kids he refuses to have anything to do with them and runs every time he see’s them. That if he did adopt her then why does my divorce papers say she is not his, why does she have my last name, why if he wants to see them and I don’t let him, he don’t take me to court for violating a court order? Because if he had my kids and wouldn’t let me see them I been in court long ago getting that straight. I said I don’t normally post things or put this kind of thing out there but this was something I couldn’t let go and not say something because none of it is true and there are people that have been there from the start and know what went on and what is going on so if this is what he is telling you it isn’t true and if you want to know the truth come talk to his kids. It won’t be no he said she said you can get it straight from the ones that he is doing it to.

{March 13, 2017}   Adoption on My Mind

I don’t know if you all have seen the news paper write up Family Wanted? It’s about 5 siblings looking for a family to adopt them together. The artical don’t say what happen to the parents and why they need to be adopted out just tells about each one what they like to do and their age. They are 11, 10, 8, 6 and 2. Three boys two oldest and the 6 year old two boys the 8 and 2 year old. I jokingly said to my 13 year old we could adopt them the other kids say they want more brothers and sisters. She surprisingly said okay and really meat it, then went right into how we could fit them in the house we are in now and about having room in the truck for them. If we could get an extra seat and put in the truck or get a van. I was a little surprised and wondered what the other kids would say.

About that time my Big Guy Mr. 6 came by and I stopped him and asked him what he thought about three more brothers and two more sisters and showed him the picture. He ask about them and their ages and I told him what it said and each ones age. He smiled really big and said yes I want them when can we get them. I asked him where they would sleep and things and he told me on the living room floor and couch. I told him they couldn’t do that they would have to share rooms and things. He thought that was even better and wanted to know when I could get them for him.

He had to go get Big Boy to show him and see what he thought. He wasn’t as quick to get on board with the idea, he wanted more information about them like if they had phones, how old they were and if they would go to his school and help with chores and things like them? We told him their ages and that yes they all would go to the same school but the two little ones, that they would not have phones just like they are not allowed to have phones until they can pay for them and yes all have chores it’s part of being in the family. We told them what they liked and how old they were and that one was 11 like him and the other was 10 so close in age as him. Once he got all the information he needed he too was sold on the idea.

Miss. Little Bitty was sitting on my lap listening by this point since everyone else was gathered in the living room around mom she was going to be too. She was looking at the picture and talking about the two year old. We told her that she would get to be the big sister instead of being the baby of the family. That she would have more brothers and sister if we did that. She smiled really big and said really I like that I want them to live with us.

They decided that we could take all the dressers and things out of their two rooms put in an extra set of bunk beds and have room in the rooms they are in now for everyone to sleep. Then we could move the backroom that we use for the “library” and make it a family closet with all the dressers and chest out there and a place to fold the clothes.

Even the 13 year old who complains about sharing her room was fine with this idea. they even thought about putting all the boys in the back room the three little girls in the boys room and giving the 13 year old her own room and they were all okay with that too.

I kept telling them I was joking but they kept talking about it and what all they could do and how they all could go to their little private school together and how then most the school would be their family and what we would drive and how we could get them. They really want me to call about them and try to get them. They were all really disappointed and upset when I told them we really weren’t getting them and that they wouldn’t give them to me. They keep talking about how I need to just try anyway and it don’t matter that I am a student I am going to school to better myself and showing my kids that no matter what we can always do better and I am trying to do better so that we have more and can do more so then I could do more for them kids too. That is what my 11 year old said anyway. They even wanted to call them and tell them that we wanted them to live with our family and that we had lots of love to give to them and they were really wanted and that we had lots of animals to share with them. I told him it don’t work that way and that they would probably give them to a couple that they felt could take care of them better. He wasn’t happy about that because he said as long as we loved them we could and would take care of them as good as anyone. I all ways take care of them.

I feel bad because I didn’t think they would be so on board with it and be so disappointed that we could’t really do it. That is all they talked about until they went to bed and wanted to know if when we move could we adopt some kids to give them a good home and family? That those other 5 needed a family and home and that they wanted us to be the ones to give them that because they have lots of love. They know the other kids would like having more brothers and sisters too. If I thought I had a chance at all of getting them I would call and ask about them but I truly do not think that I have a chance in hell of getting them because I am not working right now and it is just me and the kids. But I think it would be so nice to give a family like that a home and the chance to stay together if I could. Maybe one day life goals.

et cetera
%d bloggers like this: