{February 6, 2020}   He Looks Like……..

My car has been acting up again so my Good Friend told me to take it over to his shop so his brother could check it out again. Of course it was fine when I got up yesterday. I picked up JW and we went over there for him to scan it and do a few things to it to see if he could figure it out. He did a few things drove it and everything else and it didn’t do anything.

In a bit my Good Friend showed up and we took it to drive it and again it hardly done anything. Nothing like what it does to me. We traded places and I drove him around it didn’t do it. I drive my car a little different that they do. I am a little hard on vehicles. It still did nothing. We were talking about it and I said it is way warmer now than it has been since it started messing up. I think that has to be something to do with it because it hardly wants to get out of it’s own way more often than not. He said it could be that and that they pulled a couple new codes that also would point to why my lights flash and it started when it got cold. They reset everything and I am going to take it back when it is cold again.

But why me and My Good Friend was out driving around he said something about JW. He came up some how. He says I hate to say it but I’m not the only one who thought it. But he looks like Father of the Year. I said no he don’t and he is nothing like him at all. Nothing at all like him. He said I don’t know him so I don’t know but I hope not. But he dose look like him. He said my old lady said when we seen you all in the pawn shop right before Christmas is that Father of The Year? What is she doing with him? He said but I knew it wasn’t.

I guess I can kind of see it and honestly had the same thought. But just this look they both get. Really father of the year has changed a lot and really don’t look anything like he use to at all. You know how some people get older and still look the same as they did 10 or more years ago and others age and it’s like wow what happen to them? He is on the wow what happen to him side of things. He has not aged well. It has been so long since I have been around that father of the year that I don’t really see it or notice it if that makes since.

I didn’t tell JW what he said. I don’t know how he would take that or react to that. I wounder if the kids thought that or think that when they see him? None of them said anything. But again it has been a while since he looked that way and so long since they seen him I don’t know if they would notice or not. Hell the other week me him and oldest were in the store and oldest went to find something or do something in a different part of the store on her own. In a few minutes she came back and said I didn’t find what I was looking for but I think I seen my dad over there. But it has been so long and he looks so different I am not sure if it is him or not. I went and looked it wasn’t him. I wasn’t sure at first and had to look twice to make sure it wasn’t. I had seen the guy when he came in the door and thought it was him then and turned back around and looked. Because I didn’t want to let oldest wonder around by herself if he was there and I wanted to let her know he was in there before she did just run into him so she would be prepared if she did. I told her when she said it I told her I seen a guy a little bit ago that I thought was him but want’s. But I still went and looked to make sure he didn’t come in I didn’t see him or what. It was the same guy I seen.

So I don’t think they probably think the two look a like really probably.

{July 28, 2019}   55+ Community

Friday night I worked later than normal and then had to backtrack over by my day job to find my bumper. That’s another post I will tell you later. But once I did that I went to my little store I normally go to so I could get my coffee on the way home.

I came out and there was a guy in a little red sports car backing out of the space next to mine. He stopped and was asking what kind it was and talking about what a neat car it was. Then he pulled back in and was talking. We talked for a bit about cars and different things. Then the question came are you married or have a boyfriend. I said no he told me he been divorced twice and things.

He proceeded to tell me how he was from the other county over and was on his way home from a POF date. How it didn’t go so great. There was no spark. He says I’m paying she goes all out orders this large thing with lobster. She could of just got a small. I’m just looking at him like your really saying this and trying not to laugh.

We talk a little more and he starts telling me about this great 55+ Community that he lives in!!! How they have 3 or 4 pools and a salon and barber and all this stuff there for them to do and use. How the kids would have so much fun if I wanted to bring them get away and come hang out for the day or weekend. I’m just grinning shaking my head and thinking. You think dinner tonight was bad because she oredred lobster and large. You have no idea what doing anything with 4 kids is going to cost. Not that I would expect him to pay but you get the idea. And does he really think that I am just going to load my kids up and drive 50 or 60 miles to spend the day or weekend with some guy I talk to one time in the parking lot of a little store? Even if there are “no strings attached” as he said. This just sounds safe in so many ways. For all of us, think I will jump right on that and make plans. As soon as I win the lotto.

My phone started ringing it was the kids. He said you have to get that? I said yeah I better get out of here I should of been home already. He said here I will give you my number if you would like to go out sometime give me a call. I said oh okay thinks took it and said have a good night got to go and left.

Why can’t I find someone decent closer to my age? He wasn’t really someone I would be interested in, the one from work seems nice and decent but what 15 or more year age difference is just to much. Then what do I have to pick from these 20/21 year old kids or the stalker. It would be nice to have just one close to my age that was interested and I didn’t have to worry about coming up missing or losing my eyes or something.

Maybe I am just meant to be alone. I really don’t think I am asking for to much and most say I should be asking for more so go figure.

{April 1, 2019}   A Wasted Life

Do you ever just think about how old you are and look at your life and wonder how you are at this point? Or what you did with your life? I know that birthday’s are a big point in a lot of peoples lives and they really stop and think about this kind of things when different ones hit. Like wow I’m 21 I can do everything now, or I’m about to be 25 maybe I need to slow down and make some plans. The next thing you know your turning 30 or 36. This I think is the point that a lot of people start to really question life and what they are doing and have done.

I don’t know why but maybe because of when my birthday is and not really celebrating it at all hardly since I have gotten older I just never really put much thought into my birthday or really looked at the big picture I guess you could say. But for some reason lately I have really been thinking about being 38 and how close 40 is. Maybe it is the guys and the comments they have been making about being older or getting older and things that has me thinking about it. Talking to Mr. Responsible and Sleeping Beauty lately and them talking about getting old or being old. They are only 43 and 45. Then talking to my cousin the other night about meeting someone and having kids and all that. He said he wants another baby and things. We were talking about not wanting to have them to late in life. I said I as done but that he was still young and things. I think just a big mix of it all really has had it on my mind the last week or so and a lot the last few days.

Thinking about it all, I think I feel the way I do because of shutting down and being in that survivor mode for so long. You feel you just have to get through this or that and that you will have time when everything calms down to live life and do the things you want, meet that person, move, enjoy your kids, get that job or whatever it is that at the time seems like a little thing that can be put off because it isn’t as important as what you are doing or have to do right now. When in reality they are the big things that should be taken care of now and not put off until later.

Like my friend said do this and that and let the rest work it’s self out. You have to live life. I wasn’t I was just surviving because I felt that if I didn’t keep going and I tried to do anything other than get by everything was going to crash down on me. It was but I felt that I had a little control if I just kept pushing through and put everything on the back burner. Even if I did crash and burn miserably no one could say I didn’t try or give it my all. It was because of anything I didn’t do.

But now I think about meeting someone and all the time it takes to put into getting to know someone and then trying to have and build a relationship and I think by the time I find someone and get the to the getting to know and trying to build how old am I going to be? What if it don’t work out? Then I’m even older to start over again. I wonder is it even worth it? That I should of been doing this before now not sitting and trying to get my life straight and get me set first. But then if I didn’t where would I be and how many relationships down would I be, because i messed things up or what. I look at the guys that I have met and the ones that try to talk to me and things I wonder if I will ever meet someone and be happy. If I will ever get the things and have the things I want in life.

I wonder how do I teach my kids to live their lives and not worry about what others think of them, how to live life and not just get though their day or worry about surviving rather than living? I don’t want my kids waking up on the cusp of 40 and feel that they have wasted their lives.

I know that 40 isn’t that old, 45 isn’t either but it just seems like the reality of a new chapter and phase of life is starting. your not having kids and all that anymore. Your kids are about grown or well on the way and your starting to send kids to college and prepare for them to start families and all that. Your on your way to having that empty nest and being on your own. Why unlike Bff who would like more kids and others who want more. That isn’t what I am  looking for and I am happy my kids are getting older and independent. I don’t want to start over. But I guess it’s the being alone and not having that other half there to share things with and grow “old” with and the magnitude of the effects of putting life on hold all that time is really setting in.

I also been thinking about the friends I had before and all that I use to do with and for the kids and with friends and things and the fact that I isolated myself so much back when everything happen with me and ex and how I don’t have those relationships anymore and I want those kinds of relationships again.

{August 4, 2018}   The Yard Guy

So last night when he messaged me he said I needed to get out. I said I knew. It was late he was already off line. A few hours later he ask if I would let him take me. I never replied until later this morning after I got to work and finished up some things. I just sent a little face kind of thinking. He asked what? I said nothing just thinking.

He said: Look I’m not trying to be wierd or anything I just want to see you have a smile on your face hun.

At this point I am thinking he is like probably 26 give or take a year. I was thinking he was probably around 20/21 years back when he was around and cut the yard. I was going to bring it up and let him know just as friends nothing else.

So I said alright. He was like what? I said I’ll go. He ask when? I told him I worked Sat,Sun,Tues and Wednesday nights for him to tell me.

What do you do ? And I mean who’s all going ? Is it me and you or no?

I sent him a picture of our logo with the name and things on it. He ask what that was. I told him he didn’t know what it was. I told him we lock you in a room and you have one hour to figure out puzzles and get the code to get out the door.

He said that sounds like fun my job. I said it can be interesting at times. That I liked handcuffing some and locking them in. Is it supposed to be like a kinky job? He said. I laughed my boss looked at me like i was crazy. I told him he was laughing.

Then he is asking me can I tell you something without you getting mad or exposing me on facebook?

I said yeah what’s that?

He said I like you.

I just said yeah. Thinking nope this is not going to happen. He is to young.

He said yeah like I want to take you on a date. I like you and want to hang out with you.

Ok .. so can I tell you a secret then. He says

I wanted to kiss you.. you’re so beautiful to me!

By this point I am laughing, I looked like hell when he was here. I wanted to ask him if he wanted to borrow my glasses get another look. All the while I am still trying to figure out how old he really is. I am thinking he looks young but he talking to me maybe he is older than he looks but im still thinking can’t be he looks to young.

Then I get…Would you let me ? If I come over there . Would u give me one as a birthday present? That would be the best present ever.

BAM!! Now I can bring up age see how old he is. I’m like oh it’s your birthday? So how old are you?

I get 20

I sent back…..20!!!???

He laughed said is that bad?

I asked him how old he thought I was?

He says……In the 40’s but is that a problem? Is my age a problem?

Now I’m like 40s REALY???!!!

I said I am 37.

See younger than I thiug I was think 42 -45 so that’s good .. would you let me ?

I did not say it to him but I am thinking WTF 42-45? I knew I looked like hell but I did not think I looked that bad.

I said can I ask you a question? He never answered until later in the evening. I figured he was working. He asked what.

Why are you interested in me? At your age? A single mom with 4 kids almost twice your age?

Well your just very nice . And that your very pretty. He started about how he just wanted to kiss me out there the other day. How he still does and everything. I’m like dying over here.

We joked and talked a little more he was asking to come see me today before or after work. About wanting to kiss again. I said i don’t know wht your so stuck on that and me I am nothing special.

He said because it make him happy.

I said why you could go find anyone?

He said why not? I just said I don’t get it. He I think got mad he said I’m going to bed. I said okay goodnight.

He kept talking and talking to me when he was here and getting close to me. I don’t know I really don’t get it.

I told my friend I either get these that are way to young (they keep getting younger) or the ones my age or older want a baby to start over or i scare them. Its like what the hell. Can I catch a break find a decent one close to my age that isn’t just looking for sex, i don’t scare and who don’t want a baby or to get married? For real isn’t there anyone out there?

I was at my friends hair place when he come out with being 20. She like he is just a baby!! I said I know he way to young. I said he can’t even drink this is never going to work. Joking but he really can’t. Someone said you have a driver. Nope not happening. He is only 5.5 years older than my oldest. If she was 18 and legal they could date. They could date in 3.5 years if they wanted to. That I would be okay with he seems like a decent kid he working hard doing his own thing. Has been working for years. But he is to young for me.

He see’s nothing wrong with our ages. I know some really feel age don’t matter if both are legal and want it. But really don’t it at some point still just seem wrong or become a problem? Or is it just me and my thinking? I mean I could really be his mother. I could have kids his age. Someone said you are talking to guys that are 8 or 9 years older. I am but they are not old enough to be my dad. I wouldn’t date a guy that much younger than me even though i would date one that much older.

I’m not trying to be no cougar lol

I guess to I just thought of writing that. He isn’t looking for a relationship either probably being so young. He just looking for a good time or whatever. I am looking for the relationship. Im past the good time or if it works ok if not oh well. I don’t know.

He says same as the rest your so nice, your so easy to talk to, i like being around you, talking to you. But then its you make me nervous, you scare me.

I told my friend the older ones know I am all that they say it. But they know I also don’t have to put up with their crap and i am not scared to say something or drop them in a second. The younger ones are to young and don’t get it all understand it all. They to stupid to it all to be scared. 😂. I can’t find one that is in the middle that i am on the same page with.

Now I see why this one kept saying you need to go out relaxe you need a break. You need to go out to eat. He kept making it a point to say somewhere to eat. Because he can’t drink. Wow. I knew he was way to young give benefit to doubt i shouldn’t have.

{August 27, 2016}   Best Friend

My Big Boy came home the first or second day of school and told me he made a best friend, he likes Phineas and Ferb, he likes star wars and start-trek along with robots and the many other things my son likes. They get to sit at the same table and they talk during lunch and other times when they aren’t doing their work.

Their school goes from 1st grade – 12th grade and there are only 12 kids in the school ages like 7-21. I asked how old his new best friend was if he was his age? He said no he thought he was younger probably 7 or 8. My Big Girl who is 12 even said he was younger than my son who is 10 almost 11 and that the little boy was probably about 8 or 9. One day this week or last I had to go into class before school started and he introduced me to his new best friend. I said hi and they went on. Looking at him I figured he was probably about 9 about to be 10. Between the 3 of us we have this kid being between the ages of 7 and 10.

Today my son comes home and he said mom you know my best friend at school? I said yeah what about him? He said he is 14!! I said what? So and so that I talk to the other day that you met like the first day of school? They both said yes and started laughing. I said you all thought he was like 8 or 9. He said today he was talking about his work and earning credit for it. My oldest ask him what kind of credit was he earning for it and he told her high school credit. Her being Miss. Smarty Pants I am sure was floored that this 8 year old kid was doing high school work if she wasn’t. So she asked him how old he was and he told them then that he was 14. I never would have guessed 14 looking at him and to hear the kids talk about the things they all talk about.

It was just so funny to see the shocked look on my sons face. I think he was probably more shocked that older kid talked to him and they had so much in comment and became such good friends so fast. He has a hard time fitting in a lot of times because of his likes and things. And the fact of how young he looks and how young they thought he was. I said so are you all still friends? He said well yeah why wouldn’t we be? I said no reason you just looked so worried or surprised like there was something wrong wit h how old he was. He said no it was just funny we thought he was younger.

{August 10, 2016}   First Day of School

Today was my older kids first day at their new school and their first day of school in three years, since we homeschooled the last two. Their school is small they only have 12 kids enrolled 4 of will not be starting until Friday. They said they didn’t do any work today just did some about me pages and got to know each other and make friends. Tomorrow they will start their testing on each subject to see what grade level they are on for each one. They said it will last 2 or 3 days maybe a week, it depends on each child and how long it takes them. I figure my oldest will probably finish in a day or two, my other one will probably take a little longer but probably not a week. They will just have to keep him on track and he should have no problems.

My big boy got in the truck and started talking about his new best friend he met today and how they sat together and talked all day. He said they sat with my oldest and some kids she had met for a little while too. I love that it is all the kids all different grades and ages together. It’s like the old little one room school house kind of school. I like them to be somewhere a little bigger with more kids and who do sports and things but at the same time I don’t miss all that comes along with that in the form of bulling, being left out, lice, not getting the help they need or being stuck in a grade that your board in and not being able to move ahead. My oldest needs to be able to work on her own independent at her pace so she can just keep moving instead of having to wait for the rest of the calls to catch up or having to stay on grade level because by age that is the grade she is supposed to be working in. Most things she is testing above grade level. Everything she test above grade level in they will move her up to the level she is testing in instead of making her to 7th grade work because that is the grade she should be in because of her age and birthday. When I pulled her from school two years ago she was so board and hated it because they would give them a book to read with 200 to 300 pages and tell them to read a chapter for homework. She have the book done by the time she went back and the other kids hadn’t even read the chapter then she was waiting for them.

My next one needs that redirection to help him stay focused on what he is doing and some extra help once in a while. They want to throw him in a mainstream class when he is in public school. He would sink and drawn in a mainstream class because he wouldn’t be able to focused and finish his stuff as fast as the other kids. They wouldn’t do much to help him. If I put him in a special needs class he is ahead of a lot of the kids in them. They put more of the nonverbal kids and kids who are below grade level in them. My guy is all over the chart, in math he is below grade level other things he is at level and then others he is above. So he needs that tailored to him kind of work inviroment as well.  He ended up in a class where he was ahead of a lot of the kids and he regressed in some ways because the teachers had so much to do with the other kids he wasn’t getting the help he really needed.

The schools can only do so much with the number of kids they have, the number of staff they have, and the range of levels, disabilities and things kids are on. I know they can’t teach every kid on their level or their pace and that some kids who are slower or more behind need the extra help and separate classes. I think it is great they have it set up to help the kids. But I do feel that there is a better way to do things than the way they do it with so many kids falling through the cracks and so many kids not getting the help they need. Even when I was in school things were different and the kids were split up my by their levels than they are now. Now they want to include everyone and all help each other but that don’t really work. When so many parents complain you would think they would listen.

I also think that the over all this is how old you are and this is when your birthday is so you are in x grade regardless is not the way to go. If we changed that I feel it would help a lot with the kids not getting the help they need and falling through the cracks. I think that this is your age so this is your grade is ok for kids in grades k through maybe 2nd. Let them get the basics down and a good understanding how things are. But after that they should all go through testing to see what grade they are testing at and then be put in a grade accordingly.

Private schools can do it and it works for the kids, why couldn’t the public schools do it. You still hire your teachers that are able to teach 6 th grade English, math and all the rest of the subjects and let them teach that subject. The only difference would be instead of just having “6th” grade aged students she may have 4th through 8 th grade aged kids in her class. Regardless of the age of the child the subject is still the same and still taught the same. It wouldn’t be much different than high school. If you fail a class it don’t hold you back a grade you move up and repeat that class. You may be a junior or senior taking a freshmen class if you failed it freshmen year. The teacher isn’t teaching any different because she has a junior and senior mixed in the class. Electives are the same in jr high and high school it is a mix of different ages and grades. It could be the same for core subjects as well, because just because the age isn’t “grade” level does not mean the child isn’t on that grade level for the subject.

I think a lot less kids would fail or be held back, oh I forgot they get moved up regardless because no child left behind. I think that they wouldn’t have to worry about a child being left behind if they did it this way. Now if they didn’t pass a class they just repeat that class instead of repeating the whole grade or getting moved up and being lost later in that subject. There should be one big school that goes from k-12th or the k-12 schools should be all beside each other on one big campus like a college or something. This way the kids can walk back and forth between them for each class if they have a class since they may have classes in the jr high and high school buildings or the jr high and elementary school.

You may still have the bulling and things for the first several years or so because all the kids starting out are use to being with kids their age, grade or whatever. But I think that the kids coming out who start out in the system and work their way through from the be gaining up you would have less bulling because of them all being together and getting to know each other. Lot of times kids get picked on because they are ahead or behind and don’t relate to the other kids. It will not do away with bulling all together but I think it would put a dent in it.

et cetera
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