{August 16, 2020}   Might Move To The Beach

As I told you in Falling A Part Around Us

I am over this house and still want to move even though I have a new lease I started in March. It is going to be hard to get in a place when they know I am leaving on a lease, the upfront money everywhere wants you to have and to show 3x the rent in income.

I thought of the owner at my job saying if she had something then she would rent it to me. So Monday I went and asked her if they had anything open or would anytime soon. She said no and then said her husband had this one. She said it was on the beach that they had owned it for 6 years he had done nothing with it. She said he was finally fixing it getting it ready to rent it should be done soon. She said it is a 3/2 older house but fixed up and nice and good size for me and the kids. She said she was going to talk to her husband about it let me know. I told her what all was going on at my house now and things. She said no we need to get you out of there.

Last week was a shit show at work. That ended with us having to call 911 for one of their son’s. So needless to say I haven’t heard from her about it yet. I did ask her about it Wednesday. She said no she hadn’t talk to him with everything going on. I don’t blame her really.

So now I wait and you know how hard that is for me. I am stuck because I don’t know anything about this house. I know the town or city it is in and it is pretty nice. It is right outside the gate of the military base. So a lot of them live right there. They get first preference to places to live in the area most the time. So a decent area. You don’t hear of things happening there to much. But i haven’t seen the house to know if it will work for us. She hasn’t given me an idea what rent will be nothing. I know she has to talk to him it’s just hard to wait for something you know nothing about or if it will work.

I told her me and the kids would be moving in then between now and the first of the year he would be. She didn’t care at all. I told her we both had bigger dogs and she didn’t care. She was just like I’m not worried about all that. Glade i met someone or was with someone. This is the place for us if size and rent wise it works. She isn’t worried about him or dogs and knows I am leaving on my lease. Understands why. She was shocked when I said I had been here in my house now since March 2014.

I told JW what she said about having one place that would be ready in a bit. The size that she didn’t mind him or the dogs or my lease and things. All about it but where it was. He asked finally. I said that is the thing where it is. He said why? What’s wrong with where it’s at? I said well it’s on X Beach. He didn’t know what to say. He was excited because he wants to move to the beach. But then was talking how far from work and having to get a car and things. It would take me half hour to drive him to work and then another 20 minutes to half hour to backtrack to work myself. Then I have to go get him we would have to backtrack home. Lot of driving. But hopefully we can get a car and things fairly quickly. And then he can get a better job. I don’t want him working 10/11 hours a day 6 days a week. I want to see him spend time with him and us to have time to do things with the kids. Him working like this won’t do it.

As soon as we have a car and things for him to drive then I can change my hours as well. I can go in at 7/730 and be off by 330/4. Right now I can’t go in early because I have to have him to work by 9 so i can be there by 930. Puts me off the earliest is 6. But if he can get a car get his self there or get a job closer to home I can start going in early. That would be nice. Only reason i go in so late now was because of school for the kids. I stay til 630 so i get to him by 7 when he gets off. I see him a bit then go home. I don’t want to be home so it works. But I want to get off early come home to just my kids and do stuff with them.

We will be a mile or less to the beach probably. Walking distance. I told him I would be over there all the time at night walking. I could take the kids they could look for shells, crabs and all kinds of things. They would have a blast. He is already talking about being out there on Sunday a few hours. I just looked at him. He said what I’ll take all the kids we will have fun you can relax and have a break or go with us sometimes. He loves the beach. I just hope it works out.


{February 6, 2020}   A Beach Night


{January 2, 2020}   New Years Eve

How was your New Year’s eve? Mine was alright I guess. I went out with J.W., he was at his friends house that is two houses away from mine. I can stand in their yard and see mine. It was alright, I was feeling very torn and guilty. I got the whole I shouldn’t be going out blah blah bad mom and all that went along with it. I got over there and there were a ton of teens hanging out and running around, didn’t make things any better. I hate to hangout with others kids on nights like that and when I don’t have mine with me. Being with a house full of people I don’t know didn’t help. By the time I got out of the house and went to meet him I was already not in a good mood and not in the mood to drink. I knew if I did I wouldn’t stop and it wouldn’t be good and I didn’t want to be stuck at these peoples house or to go home and I didn’t want to drink like that just meeting these people. But I wanted to drink. I just hung out and once midnight hit I left. I had told J.W I wanted to leave before midnight but he didn’t want me to go. He wanted to go but wanted to hangout there until midnight. It was like 10:30. We stood outside and talked for a long time. Once it got close to midnight we went inside and watched the ball drop and left shortly after that.

I wanted one of those lantern things that you light and it floats away to take to the beach. I went to about three stores and couldn’t find one. We ended up just going out to the beach and walking down the beach and talking. We walked a lot further down than we had the other night. But the other night it started raining. The kids started calling new years and I told them I would be home in a while. We looked and seen how far we had made it and decided to turn around and go back. He wanted to stop and get something to eat on the way home so we did that. I did not think it would take near as long as it did but it took forever even though they weren’t busy. I didn’t get home until after 3.

Over all it was a decent night. I just wish things hadn’t worked out the way they did and I was able to be in a better mood. I messaged him later and told him again I was sorry I just had a lot going on torn and then dealing with things. This time of the year is a really hard time and then to have the holidays and trying to do all that it don’t help.

How was your New Years Eve?

{June 24, 2019}   40 Odd Things About Me

40 odd things about me . . . Please play along! I love reading them!

1. Do you like bleu cheese? No

2. Coke or Pepsi? Haven’t had any coke of any kind in a year

3. Do you own a gun? 2

4. What flavor of Koolaid? Orange

5. Hot dogs? No

6. Favorite TV show? Army Wives

7. Do you believe in ghosts? Yes

8. What do you drink in the morning? Coffee

9. Can you do a push-up? Probably one lol

10. Favorite Jewelry? necklace

11. Favorite hobby? Writing

12. Do you have ADD/ADHD? I don’t think so

13. Do you wear glasses? Yes

14.Favorite cartoon character? Spongebob squarepants

15. What three things have you done today? Wake up, Went to the store, came to work

16. Three drinks you drink all the time? Coffee, Water and sweet tea when I go out to eat

17. Current health worries. No

18. Do you believe in magic? No

19. Favorite place to be? Beach at night

20. How did you bring in the New Year? Can’t remember

21. Where would you like to visit? To many to name

22. Name four people that will play along: not sure

23. Favorite movies? Dirty Dancing

24. Favorite color? red and yellow

25. Do you like sleeping on satin sheets? No

26. Can you whistle? Not good

27. Where are you now? Work

28. Where would you rather be: on a beach

29. Favorite food: Spaghetti

30. Least favorite chore? Laundry/dishes

32. What’s in your pockets? Nothing

33. Last thing that made you laugh ? The kids

34. Favorite animal? Monkey’s

35. What’s your most recent injury? None

36. How many TV’s are in your house? One

37. Worst pain ever? Tooth

38. Do you like to dance? Yes but can’t

39. Are your parents still alive? My mom

40. Do you enjoy camping? Sometimes.

Feel free to join in if you like.

{April 16, 2019}   Good Friday

As you all know this Friday coming up is Good Friday, being that it is the Friday before Easter. I did not realise this until Sunday, I seen someone on line say something about the kids not having school. I am thinking about taking the day off and spending it with the kids. I will still have to work that evening for a few hours but that is it. I thankfully only have one appointment on the books for that day so I will have to call and change her to another day. One of the guys is on vacation that day. I said something to the other today about it. He said whatever you want to do you are the boss. If you don’t want to come in and flip that sign to open I am not going to argue with you. I really don’t want to miss the pay but I really want to take the day off with the kids. If I didn’t have the kids I would work it like any other day it don’t matter to me. If I didn’t have them I could probably afford to take it off. But seeing as I have them I really need the money but I really want to spend time with them too. They love it when I am off on days they don’t have school. I will probably just suck it up and figure out how to make it all work.

I am thinking we will get up like normal as if we are going to school and work. But instead go to breakfast and the beach. Come home around 3. That way I can get a shower and ready for work and leave by 4. They can shower have dinner and by that point be getting into bed after being out all day. Depending on what is going on and how I feel from there I may or may not go out for a little bit after that. I am hoping to talk to my friend and be able to figure things out and see him.

I just wish I could take the day off and not have to worry about money and being able to do what I want to do with them and if i can pay everything and do Easter at that point.

{April 14, 2019}   A Lazy Weekend

Saturday Bff called and asked if we wanted to go to the beach. They were ready, we jumped up and got ready. We spent a few hours or more out there. My kids loved it. More than I expected they would like it. My big boy got in the water and stayed the whole time. I really did not think he was going to like it. The little two loved it as well. I am not a beach in the day time kind of person. But it wasn’t bad. I like to go at night and walk or just sit and relax.

We were going to go today but decided to wait. We used sunscreen but still burnt places we missed and I was tired.

I ended up sleeping 12 hours straight pretty much. But it was much needed. I get about 15 hours between Monday night and Friday night. By the weekend I am beat. Was thinking about going next weekend but it is Easter weekend so I don’t know. Think I will get the kids beach stuff and outdoor games for Easter.

{October 10, 2018}   A Nice Day Out

I almost feel guilty enjoying the nice weather we are having. Because we are only having suck nice weather because the Golf Coast and Panhandle are getting hit by this huge hurricane right now. While they are all huddled in shelters, motels or other places away from their homes being blown around and poured on by this storm me and the kids are at the park enjoying the nice breeze and a break from the 100 degree weather. While it is nice out it is an eerie feeling to the day.

I wonder what the weather is going to be like at work seeing we are on the beach. Seeing as we are on the other coast it shouldn’t be to different. Thinking about it i am closer to the storm and it’s outer bands than they are. Going to work I will be further from it than I am now. So it will probably be just another day.

{September 5, 2018}   Might Get A Break

I may get a break Saturday finally. I talk to Sleeping Beauty this evening. I finally called him. We talked for a bit he ask if I was working? I told him no I was off they cut my hours. We talked about that and things. He said he was going to go eat. I asked what he was doing tonight he said nothing. I said lets find something to get into. He said call him back in an hour. His phone is still off. I didn’t realize at the time what time it was until I hung up it was already after 6:30. I came home gave the kids dinner, started a load of clothes to wash and then brought the kids to bed and read them a story. It was around 730 when I put them to bed. Little Bitty has not listen all day has stayed in trouble, I told her when she started at the dinner table she was going to bed as soon as she was done. I told big boy he could stay up until 8 or lay down now and read the story with us, so he laid down with us.

When I finished reading the story to them I called him back. I walked outside sat and talk to him for a while. He asked me where Bff’s new baby came from. Everyone is asking or wondering and commenting. He is the chubbiest, cutest baby but a lot of people are giving her flack for taking him in all because he is mixed. He did have anything to say about that he just trying figure out where this baby came from all of a sudden.

We were talking about work and going out and things after that. He ask what I was doing saturday. I said working as always. He called me lazy ass. I said really how you figure. He was joking. I said i want call in just not go told him how they did me how i was told the other girl had the look was young it sells and crap. He said call in we go out. I said where we going to go? He said I don’t know maybe one of those long ass beach walks or something and laughed.

His mom called him she needed help he told me call him back in half hour. I did a couple times and didn’t get him. He said something about making brownies. I messaged him told him I was going to lay down I tried call but figured he was still helping his mom or decided to bake. That I would call him tomorrow. He got that.

He would be going to bed soon too I know because he is starting work an hour earlier than normal so he is having to leave an hour earlier and get up earlier. I figured he may of fell a sleep.

I am going to tell him if he wants to go out Saturday I want to go but not to let me take off work to go then he don’t go or I will be mad. Give us a chance to talk.

He told me about his ex messaging him on facebook showing him pictures of her brand new car. He said she just doing it try rub it in my face I find it funny her boyfriend don’t want her talking to me she didn’t want to “borrow” money from him to get a car but hitting me up then said she borrowed it from someone else. He said I told her oh so so and so got a new car not you because it is there money. Said she got mad. He said something about the way she was doing or something and whoever she was with he didn’t think was in the picture and her talking to all these guys. I said well like i said before, what one is going to give her what or get her what she wants. I said just like you, she only comes around when she wants or needs something from you and what does she want or need most the time? Something to do with her car and it needing fixed. Why because your the one she has who can do it. He said yeah I know and I’m not no more. I said good you need to stop letting people use you.

I better get off here more job hunting to do tomorrow.

{August 18, 2018}   My Night Was Shot To Hell & Back

My mother called while I was laying here earlier so I grabbed the kids pizza and went to get her. Then she says she wants to get her hair cut. It is already 6 something. I run her to do that we did not get out of there until almost 9!!

Wouldn’t you know as we are walking in the door to the place sleeping Beauty messaged me. It was 630 and asked if I was going to the beach tonight? Said he was headed home. I told him yes in a few hours. He said okay let him know.

I was going to get my hair done too maybe told him. We where I was and we were talking about what to get done to it and things. He said let him know when i was ready.

About 830 he ask if i was still going I told him yes I was trying to leave soon. He ask what beach? I said one we always go to unless he had some other in mine. He said well you know I am at home right? Your going to come get me? I will give you gas money. I said yes and okay.

Then it ended up taking even longer. Another hour went by just about he said he wasn’t going to go. He wasn’t feeling good. He told me he got sick the day before at work. He didn’t eat and it was so hot out. With his sugare and things he probably got it all off again he don’t just get sick from not eating part of a day. I figure he hasn’t been and not taking his meds. He probably is. But really it was to late anyway for me to drive an hour or more to get to him then to have time to do whatever get back to his place and me to get home. It is 1130 now and had I went i probably just be getting there. Or maybe part way on our way to where ever we were going to go.

I didn’t think about it but the next county over and the beach there probably would of been closer and not all the back tracking to get there take him home and me to come all the way back home.

I told him I was pissed off and done. When he said he couldn’t go. I didn’t mean at him i meant in general. I realised how it looked i said not at you. He ask why at same time so think he knew I didn’t mean at him.

I am tired of never ever having a free momment. I am tired of doing everything for everyone and taking care of 4 other people all the time 24/7 with no break ever. I give and give, do and do, run and run get nothing. Tired of no one caring about me tired of being a lone im woreout and tired. I told him all that too but he never answered. But it was a bit after because i had to drive. I figured he probably went to sleep.

You know I was upset about it but not at him. Because I messaged him and told him to call me a minute. He said back he wasn’t going. I was going to tell him what was going on what happen why it was so late and if he just wanted to forget it that was fine. I understand that and wasn’t mad at him and didn’t think anything of it.

But of course my mind once I got to sit down and relaxe a little just ran with it. And why didn’t he want to go he decided to go to his friends house probably since i didn’t seem to be coming. He is over there now he had someone else on there way to get him. I didn’t come he went to do that instead. That he never plan to go he was just stringing you along. Then I am like no because i could of said yes leaving in a bit or yes let me know when your ready or whatever. Why would he what would be the point? He already told me he was going somewhere had plans. When i said what I did he could of just said no I already told so and so I am going over there. He isn’t really that type. I know its just me and all i been through in the past. It was late i don’t blame him for not wanting to go. I didn’t either really. But was going to so i could see how he was and we could talk. I just wish my mind wouldn’t do this shit to me. It isn’t just this or him. Anything anyone says I am always feel its because it is me they are saying or doing it. If it wasn’t they wouldn’t. I can turn everything into a negative and it is because i was involved. Or feel people are lying if they do say something nice or do something. And his friend he was going to see wouldnt go that far to get him most no one will and his friend knows bff very well and lives a few doors down so she could of seen him and said something and i would of known he was.

I wish my mind would not do this crap to me. Am I the only one who’s mind does this and tries to drive them crazy? I can’t be the only one.

{August 17, 2018}   Bad Influnce

I was talking to Starfish the last few nights. Last night we were joking around talking. I sent him a pucture of the handcuffs we use at work. He said I could cuff him of I was wearing one of those police costumes. He ask when he was going to be arrested. I said I didn’t know. He said you show me those and talk about me being scared, but you don’t know when I am going to be arrested? Your a really good cop. I said nope but since when do the cops tell you they are coming to arrest you before they are there? he said oh okay or something. Later I said you don’t want me to arrest you anyway. He said why not? I said I’m not your type! He said a bad bot don’t get to pick his type of cop rite? We talked little more he said he was going to bed.

I talk to him some tonight. I said I was going to run away. He ask why? I told him I was tored of all the bs. He ask when I was? I told him I couldn’t i thought he said something else. He said you need a walk on the beach. I said that would be nice and ask what he was doing tomorrow night. He said hanging out with one of the guys that use to work at the shop with us. I said oh boy. He said what? I said stay out of trouble. He said he would.

It has bothered me since because everyone knows what he does. He is a dealer and does shit himself. He never really hangs out with him when he does it isn’t good. I don’t know i shouldn’t care but I do, I try not to but I do. I hate to see anyone do something stupid like this. Its harder when you know so much and are so close to the situation.

When I ask what he was doing tomorrow I was going to see if he wanted to go to the beach. I think I am going to talk to him tomorrow see if I can get him to go. I am going to tell him he owes me. He said the other night if it was early and he is the one who brought it up tonight. Ask him who is scared now? I hope something happens he don’t end up going.

et cetera
%d bloggers like this: