{December 18, 2019}   Re: An Almost New Game

Last night I messaged my boss and asked him if he would could ask his son to pull the game out and see what it was and everything. He said he was doing it then. In a little bit he messaged me back and said he had the slim with 500 gigs. He said he had 8 games on it as well. I asked if it was all saved or disk. He said saved. I asked him how much he wanted for it? He said tell me what you think is fair and it will be that. I had no clue what to tell him. I know new ones with no games are going for about $260.

My kids are still a little young for the games that he has I was going to tell him if he wanted to take them off that would be okay. But I had no clue what to give him as a price for it. I was at my night job horrible service and trying to decide. I didn’t respond I was going to talk to him when he came in today about it.

Today he had to be here at 10 when we opened to do some work for someone. He said he may not be here until 10:30 he had something to take care of he forgot about so I asked the people to come at 10:30 they did. He did end up going here right around 10. He had a bag with him. He sat it on my desk in front of me said this is for you. It’s the game. I said oh okay thanks and asked him how much he decided he wanted for it because I didn’t really know. I was thinking I would give him the $260 for it if he was willing to wait and let me pay him at the end of January for it and since it had all the games with it. Even though they wouldn’t play them I didn’t get to ask him to take them off and it is still way cheaper than what I would of paid for the one I have in there now.

He said no it’s for you, you can have it. We don’t use it I talked to the kids today and we agreed we just want to give it to you. I didn’t know what to say. I almost cried but stopped myself. I just told him thank you and it meant a lot to me. The kids would love it.

That just saved me $400 but now I feel bad I have to take this one back and tell them um yeah guess what I can’t use this after all someone gave me one. I know the people down there and things good so then I feel bad for taking it back. now I have to wait until the first of the year because of the way I have things set up it is going to cost me money I don’t have if I go ahead and take it back now. But hey they wouldn’t buy it either if they had basically a brand new one given to them. Why do I feel bad for returning something that is meant to be returned if you change your mind?

{October 25, 2019}   Figuring Out How To Pay

I think I have figured out how to pay. I was going to ask at my night job if they could give me a lone and let me pay it back $50 a week. But the owner is out of town until Tuesday.

I had the thought of my friend The one that Father of the Years new wife was living with before she came to stay with me and ran off with him. He has some money now he got that was owed to him. I was going to ask him if I could borrow it but had to figure out when I could pay him back so I could give him a date. If I could pay it weekly or one lump on x date. I didn’t want to short myself and put myself in a whole.

I also had to figure out how to do Christmas for the kids because $400 out of my budget plus and extra $200 from it this month coming up for car insurance to renew that is $600 that I don’t normally put out then needing to take out for Christmas as well.

I sat at work last night and redone my budget ( I may not have told you but I set up a budget on paper) because I had to adjust somethings. It runs from Wednesday to Tuesday because I get paid from my night job on Wednesday and my day Job on Friday or Saturday just depends if the guys are here to pay me at the end of the day or pay me before they head out. It just seem like I should set my budget up that way. But I was figuring somethings wrong because even though I knew it was Wednesday to Tuesday somethings I was still trying to budget Friday to Friday a few things I forgot to add on there and had them filed under misalliance it wasn’t working. Others I had listed to pay monthly when I needed to pay them weekly because I don’t always use them and pay different depending if I do or not. But last night I finally got it where it needs to be.

I had already figured if I came up short and needed extra money I could pawn my guns but I needed to know when and be sure I was able to get them out with in a month or two. I can’t pay on them a year like I did before. I was thinking I could pawn them and get enough money to pay the rent up but then I didn’t know how I would pay Christmas if I was going to have enough. I wanted to have them put up in order to use for Christmas just in case because even though I am on track and getting everything taken care of starting to get ahead I am still in that spot where I am not coming out with much money left at the end of the week/month. I had already thought I may have to pawn them to help with Christmas.

I figured out if I borrowed the money I could pay it all back in November but would probably have to pawn them to get Christmas. I figured my budget into the middle of February and if I did I may have to pay January and get them out in February. Still make the bills.

The guy I work with said something about being board and I said yeah I have done my budget up through February. He said oh yeah your really bored. I told him what was going on.

He said ask the boss, they are really good about things like that. I said that is why I asked yesterday when the owner would be back. He said call him he is available by phone for things like that. Or boss can approve it as well give him a call. I told him I would talk to him today when I got in. He said I could pay it back like $50 a week or so. I may ask them if they could take out $30 a week. it take about 14 weeks to pay back. So about the 2nd week of January. I am going to try to pay it back sooner but if I can get them to $30 a week it would give me a cushion and I could pay the extra the other weeks once I get past the first two weeks.

I think I am going to go that route if he says no tonight I am going to have to go see my friend and talk to him after work tonight hope he has it and will do it. I may be able to ask him if I can pay it back after Christmas or give him $100 a month instead of all of it in a month or $200 a month. I may ask them at work if they can do $100 a month as well and then do the extra but only have myself on the line for the $100 a month in case.

I asked the guy at work if they approve it if I had to wait until Wednesday when I get paid to get it or if they can get it to me sooner. He said he will just give me a money code like we give the drivers when they call in and you just go to the truck stop and cash it. So I can stop there after work tonight get the money and stop at the other store and pay the rent with it.

I better get off here and get something done at my day job. I need to clean and make my phone calls. It is slow today and I am the only one here. I just want to sleep my coffee don’t seem to be helping. Been stressing over all this crap I hope he can do this for me tonight.

{August 23, 2019}   A Job Opening

I have been sitting on an application that is all filled out and ready to be turned in. I picked this application up Monday filled it all out and typed up a letter to go with it. I was already to turn it in Tuesday but never did. I keep second guessing myself and wondering if it is the right thing to do. I keep weighing the pros and cons of it all. One minute I think turn it in check it out if you get called, it don’t mean you have to take it. See what they are offering and decide from there. Another part says don’t turn it in if your not going to take it so you can apply there later. But I really want to see if I have the chance at it and what they have to offer if they offer it so I can decide. But I also know if they call and offer I am going to want to just jump and take it.

The new job is at a youth shelter for run a ways and other teens. They have a school and I am not sure what all there anymore as they have made changes over the last few years. I would be a direct care giver for the teens in the shelter. They say they have all shifts open, 6am-2pm, 2pm- 10pm and 10pm to 7am. They have full and part time open right now as well. I would apply for the 6 am to 2 pm shift so that I can keep my evening job because I would still need two jobs to make it. That would give me full time as well.

This mew job would be great because it would give me between 2-4:30/5 to pick up my little ones from school get their homework done, make them dinner and have that time with them each day. It would give me that break in between my night job and day job. I wouldn’t be doing 12 to 14 hours straight. It is $1 more an hour than my day job now. I am hoping with my schooling that I would get a little more than a $1 more. It would give me hands on experience and I would get training as well. It goes along with Social work that I have been studying in school. I want to work with teens, teen parents, and addiction when I finish with school. I am sure there is room with advancement there as well as I move through school and get more certificates and my degree.

But with this new position comes weekends and holidays, not being able to come and go as I need to. I would miss the kids awards at school and other school functions, field trips, and that kind of thing. I am not sure of all this but knowing it is a 24/7 shelter, you are working with kids who need taken care of, and that there are other people who you are working with. Unlike my day job now, it is just me and the owners, I just let them know I am going to be late, taking off or not coming in at all. That I have this or that at the school. We either open late, close or close early if someone can’t be here. Most the time Pops or one of the guys can be here or most the time. I can’t take the kids with me to work like I can here if I need to. I can’t say hey we are closing for this or that holiday. We again have kids there that need taken care of we have to be there. There is a lot of other employee’s to worry about and work around as well as myself.

I think about all that and I can’t see leaving here. But here I am making $1 less an hour. I am 1099 over there they would take out taxes I wouldn’t have to worry about all that. This is in the field I want to get into, I am trying to go back to school once I get my tax money next year since I have to pay out of pocket. But then i am going to be busy there all the time during the day where as where I am now I have time I could work on my school work and they wouldn’t care. Other than that and some at my night job I really wouldn’t’ have time to work on it. So if I can’t work on it during the day some I don’t know when I would. I know that the other job has a high turn over rate, because it isn’t great pay, you do have the chance of working weekends holidays and you are dealing with delinquent teens. I don’t know how they are as far as to work for or anything like that. I may look on line see what kind of things are being said. Hadn’t thought of that.

I keep thinking am I just making excuses? Why not jump and take it? This is a good chance. I tell myself maybe just wait and apply in a few months. I wonder why they have so many openings right now? Most the time they have one or two here and there. Not every shift full and part time.

I think my biggest thing is if something happens where will I end up? I won’t have this job to come back to because it will be filled. No one is going to give this job up and who is to say they would take me back if it was open or they didn’t like the person who was here? I have worked at a lot of places twice and been called back to some even after that. But it is bigger places they have more employees and things. I think they would probably take me back if I gave them notice which I would and they didn’t have someone. But that isn’t’ likely to happen. I have thought about asking for a raise and and some other things and if I get it then just staying here. The raise would give me the more an hour plus take into consideration that I am 1099 and wouldn’t be over there. I was thinking about asking to go to salary not hourly so that I would be paid no mater what. I took that into consideration when considering the 1099 factor too. Trying to find a fair balance for me and them. Also something do able for them and things because we are a small place. That is one reason I feel I should see what they are offering over at the other job as well before I figure out what to do if they will give me more since I have my schooling and things. I even thought they may have another opening other than direct care giver that I could do since I do have training, schooling and going to be in school.

So many things to consider and figure out and decide. I keep thinking if I don’t turn it in they are going to have them filled by the time I do. But then again I figure if they are then it wasn’t meant to be and that if it is meant to be I will get called whenever I turn it in.

If I didn’t like my job here and didn’t have the leeway that I do I would have my application in already. If it was enough pay that I only had to work one job I would be as well too.

So many things to to consider figure out so I can make a decision. I guess I have to get off here close up and get to my night job. If I leave much later I won’t be able to get out of the parking lot or over the bridge for 10 or 15 minutes. It’s funny how a few minutes make such a difference in traffic.

{May 5, 2019}   After 5 on Sunday

Here I sit it is Sunday evening after 5 and nothing from my boss about my truck. I messaged them earlier and he said he was going to message him and let me know. That was hours ago and I still haven’t heard anything.

I said to the guy who’s training me wife Friday I would believe it when I seen it because nothing seems to ever work out like I am told and here I sit.

I have no idea what I am going to do I can’t afford to miss work at either job tomorrow and can’t get to the one if I don’t have it fixed. I called churches in the area that fix cars for people but if I can’t get it there they won’t help me.

I have missed hours and days at work the last few weeks it is just putting me further behind. Another day at both I don’t know If I will ever get ahead. I don’t know if I will now at this rate. I have no idea what I am going to do.

{November 11, 2018}   Work Ramblings

I have tomorrow off from my new job because they are closed for the holiday and I am off from my other job because I only work Thursday through Sunday there. Why it is nice to have the day off with the kids all I can think about is losing that days pay. The fact that we have Thanksgiving next week and I will be losing a days pay there as well. We ware going to work Black Friday at both jobs I am okay with that because I don’t really shop that day anyway. If I really need anything I will probably go late after I get off work from my Beach Job Thanksgiving night and get it. With missing work I don’t think I am going to have money to shop anyway. I will have all my bills paid I think and should have some money to the good once the first rolls around. But it is just balancing everything between checks until I get things caught up and I get that one lump sum the first of the month. I have some money left from this check but it is only Sunday. I need to get a few things at the store. I need to pay car insurance and water I think I will be caught up. it will have to come out of my check next week.

I was a day short this check at my one job and two hours short at my new job. I didn’t get a bounce at my new job. I am not sure if they are upset about something or what. They keep telling me how great I am doing the dad keeps saying how happy they are with me and things. Bff said probably with everything going on with the mom and things and them being so busy. I know one was there and put my pay in the other wasn’t there yet so maybe he was going to get with him and see how much they were going to give me and give it to me later. Because most the time I get there first and I go in the back. When I got there Friday I didn’t even bother to walk around and see if they were there and had open the front door I just stopped and went in the back. The one owner was there he came out of the shop to see what was going on. He said oh I didn’t know if we would be here when you got here or if we would be back so your pay is in the top desk draw there. I said oh okay and thanks. When the other got there I don’t even think I seen him or talked to him he came in the other said something and they left. I just seen it was him that came in on the camera but he never made it back to the office they were running late just left.

It’t three big areas one my office is in the back the shop where they sharpen is in the middle between me and the lobby/store front. So we have a loud alarm on the door and camera’s up. We can see the camera’s on a tv that is on the wall across from my desk so that we aren’t jumping up and running in there every time one of us goes in and out or comes in we can see if it is a customer and we need to go up there.

I want to move my desk but I don’t know if they are going to be to open to that. They talk about how hot his mom kept it in there and I heard the one say to the other she keeps it hot in here like your mom. They were in the shop working. He wasn’t being mean or anything, just it gets hot in there where they are when they are in there moving and things going and all. They are guys and hot anyway. I told them before keep it at whatever you want to keep it at I am always colder than most and that is why I have my jacket with me it won’t bother me any. But when they are not there all day and it is just me I keep it turned up to around 75/76. But I noticed the other day it is not wonder she kept it so warm and why I keep turning it up even when I have my jacket on. The air vent is a big square one and it is right over my chair where I sit not even my desk but my chair and blows right down on me. It did her too and I am sure that is why she probably kept it so warm as well. Because as soon as it comes on and is on for a couple minutes it is cold blowing right on you like that.

I want to move the desk to a different spot in the room so it isn’t blowing right on me and I could keep it cooler because I find even at 75/76 I am kicking it up when it comes on to keep it from blowing on me. But we have two of the long tables that go with the desk set up behind it for the printers and things. We have limited space to work with between them the desk and the chair that is in there and then the bathroom and the door for it. I was thinking I could move the desk to face sideways where I would be looking into the shop and the bathroom off to the side of it. Then move Pop’s chair over by where my desk was but I don’t think it is going to work the more I think about it. There is a long strip with all the outlets on it for everything right beside my desk, it don’t look to be to many other outlets in the room. But we have a guy coming to put one in sometime this week I think so we could get another one if we need it and figure it out soon. He is a friend of the boss so it isn’t really costing him anything and they were already talking about getting another one in the shop so I don’t think they would have a problem with getting one in the office too.

I think I am going to bring it up to them the next time the three of us are there. I’m just going to say hey I noticed something and not sure if there is a way to fix it or not. It isn’t a big deal to me but, you all say me and your mom keep it hot in here or really warm. Have you noticed that our chair sits right under the vent and it is blowing on us all day every-time it comes on. We just reach over and flip it higher without even thinking about it. See what they say and just say maybe we could move things around a little bit so we aren’t sitting under it and it will be cooler in the shop and store.

Right now I am sitting here at my escape room job been here just over and hour and not had one phone call and not one room is booked for the day. I am so board and have way to much time to sit here and think about everything.

Like the new lady here at this job that I don’t care for. She don’t like it here so she isn’t into it and not doing what she should be or trying like she should putting the effort in I guess is what I am looking for. Last night we had all three new people come in and take over for me at 5 when I was getting off. I understand let them get use to things and have each other to help out. The one Lynn that is supposed to know all of it but one room does nothing. None of them know the one room that I had here starting at 5 so I ended up staying an extra hour and half to run the room and then get the birthday party after started. Well I got the room done and out and the birthday party showed up early. I got them checked in, and our one new girl said she didn’t know a lot she was just starting and still trying to really learn it all I said okay that is fine understandable thanks for telling me so I can work with that. I ask the other younger new girl. She said she thought she could give the rules and back story and get them started but there was a few things she has questions about and it would be her first time she was worried about missing something or not doing something right. I asked Lynn if she knew it and she said yes. I said okay I have to get out of here, She will do it you just go in with her listen in and if she misses anything then you can go over it at the end and if she has any questions she can ask you without having to come up front and leave the group. I said since you don’t know it at all and still learning to the other girl I am going to have you watch the front counter and the room that is going. I said you know how to run that room and you can greet customers if they come in or answer the phone and they will be out in just a few minutes you will be good. I said we will get you back there and trained some more soon. I said but once she can do that part on her own after a time or two then we can start sending you in with one of them to learn and let one of them stay at the counter. The next thing I know I look and Lynn is up here hanging out with her energy drink in her hand watching what is going on up here and just hanging out not doing anything to help anything up here. Then the girl that is doing the rules and back story on the room is calling from the room needing help. I looked at her and said you may want to take that since you were supposed to be back there helping her I am clocked out and have to get out of here, my kids are waiting and I already been here and hour and half past my time to get off. She didn’t like it but she got on there and and answered her. I already told the boss how she skipped outside and stayed for over and hour the night before when she was supposed to of left then came in and sat for another 30 minutes when I said we can go lets get out of here she said oh I am going to wait for the last 7 minutes. She should of went home at 10 and it was now 11:30. How she wasn’t interested really in learning the room and how to run it. I think he thinks I am just complaining because she is new but I’m not or because I don’t like her and that isn’t it either. I am complaining because she isn’t doing her job and really don’t want to. She has no plan of staying so we are wasting our time training her and she is halfassing the job and doing no more than she has to in order to get by because she don’t like it and don’t want to be here. Just like when I ask her the other night the first time we really have worked together how she is liking it so far she said it’s a job that is about it. I ask her last night something she said I am a massage therapist and I just came here from such and such I am waiting to get everything switched over to here so I can get back to work doing that. Then she says I got to find something besides here I can’t live on 20 hours a week. Every few minutes she is in the bathroom when we have customers and she should be up here helping and doing things. Or the other night outside when I think she is gone and she is supposed to be clocked out. Then sit here longer and say I am waiting right up until x time to clock out. She made the comment that if I wanted to leave early the nights we work together I can she will close. I told her no I need my hours and it isn’t worth it for me to come over here and then leave early I may as well not come at all. So she knew I was staying and that we were dead and didn’t need two people here. It is fine to be outside sitting at the tables for a few minutes here or there. Me and the other girls would once in a while when it was dead or they would go out and sit smoke and come back in but not when your supposed to be clocked out and going home and not when we have customers and things. I don’t know I know the boss isn’t going to get rid of her because she is the only one that is just about 100% trained and can run things other than me and him but he needs to get these other girls trained up and if we need that 3rd person get rid of this one and get someone who wants to work in here and trained so that when we really need them we have them. Because she isn’t going to be here long and probably be leaving right when we are going to need her the most and I am not giving up my hours and days and can’t pick up more right now. With the three girls here I shouldn’t have to this place should run smooth with the 4 of us and him if he gets someone else who wants to work not just looks at it as a job. I look at a lot of my jobs as it’s a job but I still bust my ass and get it done get it done right and treat it like any other job that I want to keep if they are treating me good. She just seems very flip it and not really caring. It isn’t fair or right to these two other new girls that are here like the job want the job hours and want to work. Now they are tossed in with her and she isn’t working with them and giving them the help and support they need. I am not in charge in no way shape or form so I couldn’t really say anything about what she did last night and not staying or going in there with her. She can say I shouldn’t of told her to go or done it that way but I can do that kind of thing to help everyone out and make things run as smooth as possible for them since they are going to be by their self and they are in training and she is the one here to help them and train them. It is more of a this is how things need to be done and how boss would want them and what he is looking for. I am sure he will be fine with it as well he always says make it run smooth and keep it going without stressing yourself or having unhappy customers. I most the time end up stressing myself to keep customers happy and have the business but i am pulling back and starting to do things better and trying to help them be able to come in and take control and not let customers rule things and know how to do their job.

Guess I better get off here and go find something to look somewhat busy. I been sitting here doing nothing for hours now. But they know everything is pretty much done that can be done if we have no customers I can’t help that. But the owner still gets a little snippy if we are just sitting at times. He knows it is just stress of not making the money.

{October 30, 2018}   My New Job

I start my new job today.  Yesterday the guy messaged me about an hour beforehand to make sure I was still coming. I told him yes I was heading that way in a little bit. He said great.

I got there and went in a guy came from the back. I ask if he was David he said no Charlie. I said oh sorry, and told him I was there for the interview. He told me to come to the back. As we were walking through I said Charlie I should of remebered that, it was my dad and grandpa’s name. Then he says well David is back here too we own the place together. So it was the other who messaged me and I was talking to.

We went back there was a guy sitting at a desk the guy that came up pulled one of the chairs infront of it to the side and the other out for me to sit.

We talked they ask if I knew how to use google to look thing up and if I knew how to put routes together basically. I call set up appointments for them or set them when they call in. So if I set something two towns over for Friday, they want me to get others in that town and around and then line them up so they just go from one to the next. Not jumping all over randomly or backtracking. He said if things come in why they are out to just call the one guys dad he comes and sharpens it.

They ask how soon I could start? I ask how soon they were looking for someone to? They said um tomorrow does that work? I said yes because I want the job and did not want them to find someone that would if I said no.

It is Monday-Friday 10am to 5pm. No nights weekends or holidays. I am the only real employee they have or have had. The guys mom and dad were helping he says his mom can no longer do what I am going to be doing. So its pretty much been a family thing. They didn’t care I had another job as long as I can be there when they need.

We were talking the Charlie guy said we have other jobs at night as well so this is why we do this like this. He was talking about how and where they go when. I said oh you do when he said they both had night jobs. He said they are federal police out here. Interesting kind of cool. Glad they told me later than upfront. I don’t care for most of the police around here. They are very rude and don’t really want to do their job. Most act like its a bother you called them. Mostthe time it seems as if they are just looking for any little thing to start about that has nothing to do with what your calling about.

Knowing I have done nothing wrong I still can’t relaxe with them around. I always feel like I am on egg shells just waiting for them to start about something. Even off duty ones when they come into work. But I didn’t think twice about it when he said it. I notice they were watching my response and reaction when he said it as well. Anyway they are very friendly laid back guys.

They said they were looking to start someone at $10 an hour and go from there. They said with weekly bonuses depending how many appointments I set and things like that. It being the days and hours it is I am happy. I was expecting them to say $8.25.

I am going to work both jobs for a while. I went and talk to my boss at the beach job as soon as I left there. We worked it so I will work same days just different hours some of them. Thursday and Friday I will work 6 to close. I leave my day job at 5 and go straight there. It is about 5 miles on up the road. I still open Sat and Sun so I am off have my evenings and nights with the kids. I will probably do this for at least a month maybe two. Then I will probably give up my two night shifts and just do the days. I have flexibility there if I really need a break someone will cover my hours once we have the new people trained.

I better get dinner in the crockpot and run to the store. I have to be at work in an hour and a half.

{October 9, 2018}   In The Loop

At work the other girl has gotten another job but I guess tryinbg to keep this one too. Last week I worked Monday for her. Then ended up working 13 hours Friday for her and the boss because they didn’t want to come in or couldn’t. I went in and open at 9 am to do my 5 hour shift didn’t end up leaving until 10 pm that night. Then worked another 8 Saturday to only be allowed to work 2.5 hours of my shift Sunday so I didn’t get over time. I would of had between 5 and 8 hours of overtime.

Before I left I asked if he wanted me to come in yesterday and cover her Monday again if she did not come in again. He said no. It looked like it was going to be a pretty dead day he would do it to save on payroll. I told him I did not mind but like to know ahead of time not called at the last minute. He said I try give you an hour heads up. I said yeah I know it still don’t work well for me on my days off. We even talked about owners being away and him opening that day as well as covering her shift. So he knew it was an all day deal.

Today about 2 my phone started ringing it was him. I was busy did not answer it. In little bit I had a text message.

Ate you coming in to cover Ms shift?

No was todld it was dead today wasn’t needed made plans.

Who told you that? That was a misunderstanding! Need to communicate better, I just worked 13 hours yesterday with a hurt back and couldn’t let you pass 40 hours…this is a new week…crap!?!

Before I could reply he was sending more.

M texted me that you could cover for her, but forget, I will do what is needed.

But, we do not know if it is going to be dead a day ahead of time, especially on a holiday! You needed to be ready to cover this shift, not make plans without me being in the loop about your availability.

I ask you before i left yesterday if she was not coming in did you want me to cover it. You said no if she did not come it was a dead day and you were going to cover it to save on pay. I never told her i would cover it. She said she wasnt coming i told her let you know that me you talked about it before i left and you said you were going to cover it.

Okay, I forgot that I was covering morning too after a busy night…fuck

It was her text that through me off, damnit…okay

Okay, see you Tuesday at 2.

After I said what I did about talking to him before I left and everything I never responded back at all. I was to pissed off and knew I would say thimgs that would be taken wrong in text. It is not my fault he worked Sunday or that he worked Monday morning and is now working that night.

What happen was we had no bookings he was going to foward phones to his and put a note up to call for a booking and go home. If a big enough group wanted to book he come back if not he would put them off or just say he had noghing so they would go away. But people booked his day so he had to be there all day he didn’t want to stay and do it. He figured I would jump on it and I didn’t. It made him mad. I am tired of being done that way then not aloud to work my hours on my days because I may get overtime. Canceling plans or not getting things done because I am dropping everything to be there. I am not going to keep doing it there is going to be some changes when the owner gets back because I am going to him with this text about keeping them informed and in the loop of my plans on my day off and how im supposed to just be ready to jump and cover these shifts whenever. Nope not going to work. I am sure he will say something tomorrow. I am going to tell him no I am not the one that needs to be ready to jump and cover shifts when other employee’s call out. That is your job as the “manager” to cover. Great if you want to call and ask if I would like to pick it up fine, but if I can’t all these other text saying I am supposed to and it is my place to your wrong. I will tell him I am going to be talking to the owners about it. You either want people to work or you want to save on payroll. Can’t have both. My dads off are just that mine and I am off. I do not need to keep him in the loop about all my plans on my day off. It is none of his buisness if I am off what I do.

I am so mad right now I want to call his boss back and tell him off. When we are talking about all this on the phone and I am upset and talking about owing and needing this money to pay bills.

His boss says to me don’t you have a man in your life?

I said what? I was stunned and confused because it came from nowhere. As I said what it hit me what he was getting at.

I said no I don’t, I said I haven’t had anyone in my life in 4.5 or 5 year. He said wow really? No? I said yeah, I said I am the only one doing everything for 4 kids by myself I get no help from anyone at all. I said and most times I am working 2 or 3 jobs just trying to keep bills paid. I have no time for anything or to meet anyone or go out. I am here taking care of my kids and making sure they have what they need. I think again he said oh and something he was surprised. I didn’t figure he would belive it but he seem as if he did he was really surprised. But I know peterpan has told him who knows what and her too.

I do think I am going to message him tomorrow and ask him if we can meet up sit down and talk. Because he needs to really know what is what and it needs to be talked about calmly not when i am mad or upset. Now that he is starting to see what is really going on.

He said to me I know it isn’t a lot and not what you want to hear but I am going to pray for you. I said I gave up on that a long time ago, if that worked I woukd not be in the situation I am in. He said well now you cant think that way or something. I said well it is true everytime i turn around im shit on. We got off onto something else then.

I really do want to sit down and talk to him and tell him look i know you just think im baby momma trying start crap bitter or whatever because I know they have said all kinds of things about me. But before I say anything else, think about this. Who has the kids? Who has had them? Who has had a house the last 4/5 years? Who has a vehicle, who is working 2 or 3 jobs to make sure their kids have a place to stay? Who is taking them to school, doctors, field trips and everything else? Who has made sure they had some kind of birthday and Christmas why the other don’t call send a card or anything else? If he isn’t doing any of that for his kids and has lied about it then why do you think he would tell the truth about anything else? You can see my kids you can talk to them, you can ask anyone thet will tell you who is doing it all. If I wasn’t doing something do you think I would be in my house as long as I have? Do you think I would have a car? So now lets talk so I can tell you what is going on what happen and how we have ended up where we are. Then you decide who you believe.

{September 4, 2018}   Deadbeat’s Boss

Yesterday when I messaged Deadbeats boss you know he told me he was out and about and so was I. He asked if I was home I told him no I was out but could meet up inin like 45 minutes or so. He said be did not know where he would be give him a call. I was done a little sooner but waited. I went down to the gas station to get gas and called him. He said he was few miles away just tunred on the other cross street headed to do an estament. He ask where I was going? I said I thought over the bridge to x. He said oh okay, I am not against coming over there either I will call you when I get done and see where you are we will meet.

I went over and didn’t end up doing what I was going to. I went over to the store was going to check on something instead. If was so packed being a holiday no school or work. I drove around the parking lot and decided nope wasn’t happening and left. I was almost at the bridge to come back and he called, asked where I was. I told him, he said oh okay. He said lets me at the little store, such and such. He said the store I called him from earlier but was saying the other cross street up the road. I said you mean so and so? He said yes. I said sure I could do that no problem. He said he was there he see me in what about 5 minutes. I said yeah around there.

I never been there I had to go up turn go around about way because there is only one or two ways in and out they are one way. I didn’t see his work truck anywhere. I pulled up infront next to this big black dually. I was about to message or call him ask what he was driving tell him I was there. About that time I seen him coming out of the store.

He looked up seen me he smiled real big and headed right over to the truck. I open the door got out. He was behind it at that point. I came around and closed it. He looked and kind of looked again. Said something and kind of stumbled over his words. He said it’s good to see you, I see him looking me up and down. We talked a little and he said so your out putting in um out there looking for stumbling over his words again and looking me up and down. He said looking uh yeah, then said check that out let me know.

I just act like I didn’t notice and said yeah putting in application’s and that I had been to an interview. He like oh thats good and I’m sure you will get something else soon. I don’t know if he ever even looked me in the face but once why we were talking lol. He said uh um I’m and motioned kind of and you something. Then he goes yeah I better go, I got to run better let you go. I said okay and again thanks alot and sorry you have to be involved. I had open the door got up in the truck. He again said something I stood up on the running board and was looking over the door he said um yeah check that paper let me know and I see you again soon, I’m sure.

I don’t know why he thinks he will see me again soon we never really see each other once in a blue moon we run into each other. Or if we have to meet up like this but this is only once a month and hope soon it will just go in the bank.

Today I am sitting here at work I get a text with this address and nothing else from him. I waited a few minutes and he never said anything. I figured he say oh sorry wrong person or something. So messaged back with question marks. He called me right a way. I said hello? He said who is this? I told him, he said oh um he wasn’t sure what tobsay I could tell. He said oh now I know why you sent question marks. He said I sent that to deadbeat telling him to come here. I wondered why. He said I’m so sorry. I said thats okay. He said well um hows your day. I said good. He said well you have a great day I’ll talk to you later. I laughed said okay and hung up. So father of the year has a phone why he says he don’t. But I already knew that.

I just found it funny how he was yesterday. We have known eachother years. But he has never really seen me dressed up nice. I had a nice top on my jeans and boots.

{September 3, 2018}   Job Fair

The place my friends daughter works for that I applied at, is having a job fair today. I was told to show up there ask for her boss and tell him I am the one that she talked to him about.

It is 10 to 4, I wanted to be there at 10 when it started but I’m not even up yet. I did not sleep well last night and what little I did sleep I dreamed crazy things, and slept wrong. My shoulder is killing me I can hardly move my arm. I don’t want go in there looking like I have problems with it. You have to lift and things. Trying to move it around get it to moving better. Take something for the pain get through the interview at least.

I don’t know what to wear, blouse, jeans my boots. Blouse, jeans sneakers. Blouse, slacks, and my boots or flats.

I don’t want to over dress but don’t want to under dress either. Its a truck stop no idea how they would expect you to be. I would expect simi casual/business. Jeans, blouse,boots or sneakers. But then I feel i should dress more. Even though most the people around me are dressed like they are going to the club not a job interview. The others look like they are dressed to hang out at home and clean. So I don’t know what I am so worried about because I am at least dressed nice and tastefully I gueess you would say.

I did my hair last night all I have to do is get dressed and brush it good and go. They know I work another job too and I may have to work before I come so I may be in later in the day. So it don’t look bad I wasn’t there first thing.

et cetera
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