{March 13, 2017}   Adoption on My Mind

I don’t know if you all have seen the news paper write up Family Wanted? It’s about 5 siblings looking for a family to adopt them together. The artical don’t say what happen to the parents and why they need to be adopted out just tells about each one what they like to do and their age. They are 11, 10, 8, 6 and 2. Three boys two oldest and the 6 year old two boys the 8 and 2 year old. I jokingly said to my 13 year old we could adopt them the other kids say they want more brothers and sisters. She surprisingly said okay and really meat it, then went right into how we could fit them in the house we are in now and about having room in the truck for them. If we could get an extra seat and put in the truck or get a van. I was a little surprised and wondered what the other kids would say.

About that time my Big Guy Mr. 6 came by and I stopped him and asked him what he thought about three more brothers and two more sisters and showed him the picture. He ask about them and their ages and I told him what it said and each ones age. He smiled really big and said yes I want them when can we get them. I asked him where they would sleep and things and he told me on the living room floor and couch. I told him they couldn’t do that they would have to share rooms and things. He thought that was even better and wanted to know when I could get them for him.

He had to go get Big Boy to show him and see what he thought. He wasn’t as quick to get on board with the idea, he wanted more information about them like if they had phones, how old they were and if they would go to his school and help with chores and things like them? We told him their ages and that yes they all would go to the same school but the two little ones, that they would not have phones just like they are not allowed to have phones until they can pay for them and yes all have chores it’s part of being in the family. We told them what they liked and how old they were and that one was 11 like him and the other was 10 so close in age as him. Once he got all the information he needed he too was sold on the idea.

Miss. Little Bitty was sitting on my lap listening by this point since everyone else was gathered in the living room around mom she was going to be too. She was looking at the picture and talking about the two year old. We told her that she would get to be the big sister instead of being the baby of the family. That she would have more brothers and sister if we did that. She smiled really big and said really I like that I want them to live with us.

They decided that we could take all the dressers and things out of their two rooms put in an extra set of bunk beds and have room in the rooms they are in now for everyone to sleep. Then we could move the backroom that we use for the “library” and make it a family closet with all the dressers and chest out there and a place to fold the clothes.

Even the 13 year old who complains about sharing her room was fine with this idea. they even thought about putting all the boys in the back room the three little girls in the boys room and giving the 13 year old her own room and they were all okay with that too.

I kept telling them I was joking but they kept talking about it and what all they could do and how they all could go to their little private school together and how then most the school would be their family and what we would drive and how we could get them. They really want me to call about them and try to get them. They were all really disappointed and upset when I told them we really weren’t getting them and that they wouldn’t give them to me. They keep talking about how I need to just try anyway and it don’t matter that I am a student I am going to school to better myself and showing my kids that no matter what we can always do better and I am trying to do better so that we have more and can do more so then I could do more for them kids too. That is what my 11 year old said anyway. They even wanted to call them and tell them that we wanted them to live with our family and that we had lots of love to give to them and they were really wanted and that we had lots of animals to share with them. I told him it don’t work that way and that they would probably give them to a couple that they felt could take care of them better. He wasn’t happy about that because he said as long as we loved them we could and would take care of them as good as anyone. I all ways take care of them.

I feel bad because I didn’t think they would be so on board with it and be so disappointed that we could’t really do it. That is all they talked about until they went to bed and wanted to know if when we move could we adopt some kids to give them a good home and family? That those other 5 needed a family and home and that they wanted us to be the ones to give them that because they have lots of love. They know the other kids would like having more brothers and sisters too. If I thought I had a chance at all of getting them I would call and ask about them but I truly do not think that I have a chance in hell of getting them because I am not working right now and it is just me and the kids. But I think it would be so nice to give a family like that a home and the chance to stay together if I could. Maybe one day life goals.

{January 10, 2017}   Dumbfounded

I don’t know any other way to describe myself right now. Well really lately over something that I saw and then was shown to me by my best friend. She seen it and said something about it. Her daughter is like 19 or 20 and she is pregnant. She is in North Carolina, she has been up there about a year maybe two and she has met this guy. I don’t think they have been together very long at all. Well I added her daughter on facebook one night while we were talking. I have met her once or twice when she was here. A day or two later I was looking through my page and this picture goes by of Father of the Year and some women. I go back and look and it wasn’t Father of the Year. It was my friends daughter and her boyfriend. This kid looks just like Father of The Year, he looks more like him than any of my three do or ever did. It is scary how much they look a like just one is younger and one is older. So me and friend have been laughing about it and talking about it. But then tonight we really got to talking about it again.

Then my other friend called me and I was laughing so hard because I just sent the other one a message and told her that her grand kid could come out looking like Father of the Year. She was not amused but we were talking about how old this kid is and how old Father of the year is and things. I told my friend about it and she said remember that dream you use to have all the time about him having some kid up north you found out about. I said yeah I know. I sent her a picture of my friends daughter and her boyfriend she about died she could not believe how much they look a like. Then she said something about what father of the year looked like when he was younger. I thought I had a picture over in a box I had found before Christmas and I had given them to the kids. My Big Guy’s was still in there. I took a picture of it and sent her and she was like no way. I then sent it to my friend who’s daughter is dating him. She was floored. But my friend who called me brought up a good point maybe it isn’t Father of the Years kid at all. Maybe it is his dads kid that no one knows about. That wouldn’t really surprise me either.

Over the weekend Father of the Year was here and I said I said any chance you have a kid in North Carolina you don’t know about? He said I DON’T THINK SO WHY? I just looked at him, I said you don’t think so? What kind of answer is that? He said no shouldn’t. I said you don’t think so and you shouldn’t? He said no I don’t and kind of looked at me and asked why. Then I told him about her boyfriend and things. He just laughed and that was about it.

But tell me something if you have no other kids other than the three you have sitting in the house, why would your response be I don’t think so and then I shouldn’t? Wouldn’t it be no why would you say that and how could I you were the first person I was ever with?

When we met he said he had not ever been with anyone else more than just fulling around. He never had sex of any kind with anyone. I didn’t believe him at first then kind of did. But always wondered for a while then just didn’t really care or think about it anymore. It was what it was I wasn’t going to think about it from now on we were together past is the past right. Even when I would have that dream about this kid showing up out of the blue that was his and joke around with him about it he would get mad and say I told you I haven’t been with anyone but you how could I have a kid, and get mad.

If you have never been with anyone else and your spouse or ex says that to you would your first two responses be I don’t think so and I shouldn’t? Wouldn’t response be why would you think that you know I wasn’t with anyone before or of-curse not why would you ask that you already know the answer to that or something? Not I don’t think so why? I couldn’t be talking about since we split up because he hasn’t been up there. That just seemed really odd to me, I wanted to say I thought that you hadn’t been with anyone else before we got together but I didn’t. I wasn’t getting into it with him. I wish I could post the pictures here and see what you all thought of them. But I don’t want to post pictures of her daughter and her boyfriend. I really don’t care about my ex but then I have his picture out there on my blog for ever one to tie back to me. Trust me you don’t wan to look at that anyway lol. Me and my friend are going to send the picture of Father of the Year to her daughter tomorrow. We haven’t said anything to her about them looking so much a like. I am just going to send it to her and see what her response is. The thing that is even odder is this kid don’t know his dad.

I said how does this work my best friend and my ex are grandparents to the same kid. I told her if it comes out looking like Father of the Year it is a deal breaker I can’t babysit.

{July 12, 2016}   Mind Blown

Last night I was talking to a friend and we were talking about RC and things. She said he says that my Little Bitty is Father of The Years not his he thinks I cheated. He knows it isn’t true sat at another friend of ours house and told them the night we found-out I was pregnant that he knew it was his he didn’t have a doubt in his mind it wasn’t. Then sat there the one time he seen her and said we did good then well you did. After that sat there crying his eyes out begging me to please not tell her he was a loser. He said this over and over that night. He knows and like I told her last night he knows she is his and one reason he didn’t hold her that night not just because he was drinking but because he wanted to try and avoid having feeling for her or bonding with her.

She said it was being said that my little one looked just like my youngest son who looks like Father of The Year so she must be his too. My friend had never seen my little ones other brothers so she didn’t know what they looked like or anything. I said girl when I had her and even now she looks just like his youngest son laying there. She still looks like him. I told her I made a collage thing when she was little that had her, his two sons, him and the daughter he is with now on it and how much they all looked a like. She asked to see it. Last night I sat here and looked and looked through pictures trying to find it. I never did.

I was going to make another one so I started looking at pages to see if I could find the pictures I used then and I wanted up dated pictures to make one now of them all. I was looking on Little Bitty’s other brothers grandma’s page because she always post picture to see if I seen the ones I used. It pops up and says you have 1 friend in common. It was my best friend from Junior high that I still talk to. Her and her sister. It was late but I sent her a message figured she see it this morning.

I said I want to ask you something but it involves my little one and her family so I don’t want you to say anything to the person I want to ask about. She said ok and ask what was wrong.

I started looking at her page then to find the person because I am still thinking I couldn’t have seen what I seen, before I find her I find her son is also on her page and then I find RC’s ex wife on her page. I said how do you know x,y,z? She said yeah I do why? I ask her how and told her that Y’s two oldest boys are my daughters brothers and that her dad is Y’s ex husband.

She didn’t answer for a few minutes I think she was trying to figure out what I said and probably trying to pick her jaw off the ground. I figured she was going to say her sisters new boyfriends family or something like that. She said oh X is my uncles ex wife, Y and Z are my cousins.

I couldn’t believe it my mind was blown!!! We have only been back in contact about 4/5 years ago about the time this all went down with me and RC. She said that she had not talk to them seen them since she was about 8 or so and that they don’t talk that they probably asked their mom who she even was when she found them on there and added them. It’s just crazy.

Then my friend said didn’t he tell you he went to Tennessee? I said yes that is where he started out but then I have heard he is in Kentucky somewhere or on the boarder of the two in Kentucky. She said yes he was over there and that he had sent her pictures and things of all where he is. My other friend said well if you want him you let me know my family is all over up there been there forever they will find him, they will tell you where he is. She said he will tell me too and has but she has not talk to him in a while so not sure if he is still in the same place. But if he don’t my other friend can get his information.

Then something was said about his ex wife, I said her name and where she lived she said isn’t that the guy that worked at the shop who died wife and their kid? I remember hearing a little bit about the stories when he first got with her but not a lot I didn’t know him well and I left the picture right after he came in it. Everything had happen with RC so I didn’t hear from him about it either he didn’t even really know. But it all sounds to much like it is her.

I was told that the babies dad was some guy but he was a druggie and they weren’t together not that he died. But who really knows, maybe some day I will reach out and try to introduce the kids to each other and let them get to know each other. Maybe she will be open to it, maybe she has wanted to but just didn’t know who I was to contact me. I just can’t believe they are all related and cousins.

{December 15, 2015}   Speechless

I can say not much in life surprises me and hardly ever am I left speechless, but last Thursday you could have knocked me over with a feather and I was speechless. I took my big boy to his therapy appointment for the first time in weeks since I started working. We had to change dates and times she was fitting us in. Lucky she had a spot come open so we can go every week at the same time and I will miss just a few minutes of work.

Anyway I was rushing to get there I had left work a few minutes late and had to make a stop before I could pick the kids up. We walk in the office and she still had the person before us in thereĀ I didn’t think anything of it she runs over sometimes and works good for us if we are running late. The little door between her waiting area and office was open and you see right in the office when you walk in. I just seen the back of a kid standing there went to move mine into the waiting area so I could close the waiting room door. I looked away and turned back around about that time the kid in the office turned around. I wish I had seen the look on my face when he did. It was RC’s son my little bites brother. He came out and walked past me out of the office. I could not see anyone else in the office so I didn’t know if his mom or grandma had brought him. I turned to look in the hall where he went and he was gone. I looked down the stairs and didn’t see him. I looked in the office and said I think one just went down stairs by himself. By that point I still couldn’t see who was in the office from where I was standing at that point. In a second the therapist walked out and went out to see where he went.

When she walked out in the hall I walked out behind her and the little boy walked past us and back in the office not sure where he had been. She still had her back to me. I closed the door when he went in. She turned around I said I need to talk to you a minute she said ok they are done we’ll talk inside. I said no now here. She looked at me really surprised and said oh ok. I said that is little bites brothers in there. She looked at me and kind of said yeah because my two boys where in there too. She was confused. I said no the two little boys who are in your office are her other brothers. Her eyes got big and she said oh, oh my. I said I don’t know if mom or grandma is with them and I don’t know what either may or may not say I have not seen them in years and I know he told them a lot of things that were not true and the last time I seen the mom was at mine and his house when I called the police on his mom and she was with her. She said ok and we went back inside. I told her I’m not going to start anything or say anything out of the way. Just don’t know how the reaction will be from them or where this may go. The boys came out and stood there waiting on their mom I said hi how are you how you been they just said good and didn’t say much. I could tell they didn’t know who I was or wasn’t sure. Their mom walked out kind of looked past me stood close enough to me we were almost touching and talk to the therapist said see you nest time bye.

The boys were little it has been 3 years since we seen each other so not to surprised that they didn’t know who I was or wasn’t sure if they thought they knew me. I was shocked my big boy didn’t know who they were but they didn’t say anything about him and he was sitting on the floor playing with something and I think he had his back to them and looking down. If he had looked up he may have known who they were and probably would have said something. My little guy was two the day that RC left and then he came back a few days later and we moved out so he don’t remember them. They don’t remember him he’s a little boy not a baby like he was and he has his hair really short now. It was long then.

I don’t think she really looked at who was there just that there was people there. I was even more speechless and surprised. They left the therapist was like oh lord I am going to have to move people around and change times around. I said look don’t do it because of me I know it is hard for everyone to get here the days and times they do, I’m not going to start anything or cause a problem, if we run into each other and it comes up then we can take it from there. She said ok. I said I don’t think she is going to start anything either because we have never spoke even two words to each other the whole time me and him were together. I pull up with her kids in my truck drop them off or pull up and pick them up she stand right outside my door and never say who are you, nothing. You would think any mother would want to at least be induced to the women her kids were living with and who was taking care of them why your in and out of jail and spending your time getting high all the time but not her.

Like I told her I would like the kids to get to know each other and have a relationship and I had been wanting to contact her but hadn’t. I had been trying to figure out how to approach that subject with her. I said maybe if we do run into each other coming or going and she says something then we can talk about it.

If I wanted to start something or just be a bitch I could have said hey CP hey CM remember me? Remember when we all lived together in X with your dad? Remember he told you all a few time we had something to tell you then said no wait? Well he wanted to tell you that we were going to have a baby. See her that’s your sister. But I’m not going to be a bitch like that. It isn’t right to the kids to just throw that out there and tell them that when I have no clue what their mom is going to say or if she is going to let them have anything to do with her. It isn’t fair to them to know they have a sister right there they can’t see or talk to. If it ever is brought up like I said before I would want to talk to her about it without the kids involved then after we decide what we decide or talk get the kids together. If we decided not to then I wouldn’t say anything to them. It isn’t my place to tell them it is their fathers and if he don’t then it is their moms. As for my little bite when she is older she will know she has three other brothers and a sister out there. When she is old enough then she can decide if she wants to look them up and try to have a relationship with them. If it don’t happen before then.

This is a therapist that my son has been seeing since he was little bites age or younger off and on over the years for the past 8 years. Even when we were up there. If someone said hey by the way one day you are going to go to her office and the kids and their mom is going to be there just a heads up, I would have never believed it and told you, you were crazy. Never in a life time did I ever expect to see them there. Anywhere else maybe but there never. Even theĀ therapist said what are the odds? It’s not like I am this big office somewhere. I am a little independent office all the way over here and they are all the way up there miles away. There are so many others between here and there and closer to them for them to end all the way down here.

This should be interesting to see how this all plays out over the next month or two. She said later that, they weren’t there on their normal time so we probably won’t be there the same days like that unless one of us have to change our times for some reason. But her people change around and move so much we all end up running into each other here and there coming and going. I’m not worried about it just got to be better prepared in case we do and something is said.


et cetera
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