Single___Parent___Life











{March 23, 2017}   Pregnancy, Labor, Delivery

I am so aggravated right now, my niece is in the hospital being forced into labor and everyone is talking about epidurals and the baby being to stubborn because she won’t get out. I just want to scream shut the fuck up educate her and support her not set her up for failure.

She isn’t even 21 yet and this is her first baby, so there is a lot she don’t understand or know and baby is a week late. I understand that I was there with my first as well. She wasn’t late but she waited right up until the last minute to decide to come. she came two days before her due date, it was a horrible labor and delivery because there was no one not even my midwife around for support and to answer even simple basic questions I had. I was almost an “emergency” c section because of it all and my midwife was the one who started my ball rolling that way. Since then I have had two great births and one I only remember parts of. My first and the one I only remember parts of are why my last two were so much better. I decided to educate myself since I felt all the information I was getting was not in the best interest of myself or baby and coming from uneducated people. They aren’t stupid they are just followers and the easiest way kind of people. The doctor said it so it must be true and safe kind of people. I am not that way at all just because the doctor said it don’t mean it is true and even if it is true it don’t mean they are giving you ALL the information they could be.

Example someone getting their gallbladder out, ask the doctor is it safe or the risk? They laugh oh gallbladders we take them out all the time. Do they tell you this many people have these side effects from it sometimes for life? Or that you run a higher risk for liver problems no. Just that it is safe and they do 100’s of them. Sure the surgery might be safe but what are the after effects? What are the worse case? How often do they happen?

Back to the pregnant mamma who is ready to have her baby, they tell her if you go over 40 weeks we will run test and set you up to be induced. Don’t worry we induce all the time baby will be here with in no time. They don’t say if we induce you, your risk of c section goes way up. They do not tell them that labor once it starts from being induced is harder and stronger than going natural upping the chances of getting an epidural and raising your risk of c section even higher. They don’t say that the epidural can slow labor down and cause a need for a catheter that can cause infection. They tell you if your cervix is not ready they will start with cervidil to soften it and that should get things going and most think this is going to magically bring on labor. They tell you then they will give you potocin if it don’t or to help things along once it has done what it should or if it don’t. This is where your chances for c section really jump and things start on their downhill roll. Because once the contractions start you are doubled over in pain almost from the start. They do not come on weak and get stronger as time goes, they come on strong and hard and just keep building. Everyone does like they are doing my niece right now oh it will all be worth it and just hang in there as soon as you get to 4 you can have your epidural you won’t feel anything then.

My niece has been complaining about baby not coming and things for the last couple of weeks as any of us who have kids did lets face it the last few weeks are miserable, you can’t sleep, you can’t hardly walk, your hot all the time, you feel like your as big as a house and you just want to meet your baby. It’s understandable trust me I know, carried 4 babies through the summer working and being mom all along or ended up on bed rest only to try and do for the other kids and not risk the baby. Pregnancy is hard labor and delivery is the easy part if you let your body do what it was maid to do and not rush it.

My niece was all excited last week they had a date set to be induced their baby was going to be here. I told her not to do it, get the test if everything was fine give her body and the baby more time. I told her that being induced was a last resort and horrible way to go about labor and delivery if there was no medical reason for it. I got told to leave her alone and stop scaring her by other family. Her friends all told her how it was no big deal they were induced for this reason or that. Some just because it fit their timing better.

Well she went in at 4 yesterday and they gave her the cervidil and this morning they started her on potosin. Around 11 I think she said she was just at 1 cm and in a lot of pain. Again everyone chimed in don’t worry you will be at 4 in no time and have your epidural. Then they were asking if her water had broke. She said no not yet, they were telling her if they broke her water it should help get things moving as well. But no one bothers to tell you that once they do that you are on a time frame to progress and have baby or get a c section. I think they told me that if you haven’t had the baby with in 12 hours they start wanting to do one.

I am just so mad that everyone sits back and tells her all this stuff and makes it seem like no big deal and tells you to stop scaring her when you try to tell her the truth and help her made a truly informed decision for herself and the baby. I’m not just talking out my ass or going by doctor google or something I am a trained duala. People will pay me to be at their births and give them information like this. I would have gotten a sitter and went to be with her if she had wanted me to, I could show her ways to deal with the pain and help with it, positions to try to help things along with breastfeeding and things after if she wanted it. But she listen to everyone else tell her oh it is fine just get induced.

Do they not know that our country is ranked one of the highest for infant deaths at birth? And one of the highest c section rates? We did not get to be the highest or one of the highest in the world because all the interventions they use are 100% safe and should be used like candy to shut a crying kid up because you don’t want to deal with them. It is this way because our country can’t wait for anything anymore they want everything right now. It is to much to wait for a baby to finish growing and developing we have to induce and make it come right now. Everything has to go right by the book every one has to be cookie cutter if not then something is wrong we must make it match. If there is no medical reason, all test are showing fine that women can not go to 41, or 42 weeks. Hell my moms friend said back in the 80’s her son was a month late before he finally came. Guess what he had no problems he was healthy. I had another friend they told his wife she was measuring to big she had to be farther along than she thought there was no way she was only x weeks. They induced her, guess what? The baby is blind, the baby had a feeding tube for a long time, the baby had other problems and is very delayed. Because she was just measuring big she was not farther along.

Also did you know that their ultrasound test are only guesses at how big baby is? Everyone gets the ultrasound and they tell them baby is this or that big. It is a guess, I was told they can be off by as much as 2 lbs either way. But they can be even farther off than that. They kept telling they hoped my son would get to 5lbs a week later I had him he was well over 7. They just told me he wasn’t even 5 yet. My last one they told me my baby would probably be 4 lbs no way she would be over she was measuring to small. She was 6 even.

I wish people would educate their self one things and not tell others oh your going to scare someone or don’t tell them that when they know what they are talking about. If you are having a kid then you should be able to handle being told the truth about labor delivery and being induced. You shouldn’t need it sugar coated and your shouldn’t want it sugar coated and walk in and end up blindsided by it all as the snowball rolls down the hill.

People do not follow your doctor blindly just because they say this or that does not mean they have your best interest in mind when they are telling you. Should they? Yes, Do they? Not always, they have that date with their wife tonight, or that thing at their kids school they need to get to or any other number of things. Really build a re pore with your doctor, research and check things they tell you out to see if it is in your best interest or just what works best for them. When it comes to labor and delivery a midwife is not always better, or just because she is a midwife and supposed to be so for supporting mom and best interest of mom and baby and all that does not mean she really is and really does what is in mom or baby’s best interest and not what is in hers.

If your doctor or midwife comes in and tells you your leaking fluid we have to induce because you have to have baby with in so long after your water breaks, they are lying, one there is a difference in leaking and water breaking. Your water can leak for a while before full labor starts, your body is always making more water as well so it won’t magically run out of water in a short time. Even if your water breaks as long as everyone keeps their hands out of there you are safe for a lot longer than they tell you and again your body is always making new water. I can contest to this first hand. My 3 rd baby water broke at 730 in the morning, I did not have him until 9 something that night, I still had water running down my leg every time I got up to walk around or go to the bathroom. Some women’s water will break or start leaking really early they will put them on strict bed rest some for weeks to try to keep them from going into labor because it is to early. If baby had to come out with in so many hours of water leaking or breaking they would’t be able to do that. If it is broke because it is time to have baby then baby is on it’s way out it just takes a little time sometimes not everyone has the baby with in 12 hours and others have them with in hours, again the cookie cutter we are all supposed to fit into.

This is what my midwife told me when I got to the hospital a few hours after my water started leaking. I had to have the baby with in x time because it was leaking. It didn’t sound right to me but I was young it was my first baby and I had no one else to ask or talk to about it. I was there so I let them do what they needed to do. Even though it wasn’t what I wanted or wanted to do at all. I wasn’t even 4 cm so they could have sent me home and told me to come back when my contractions had started better and closer together, because I wasn’t really having them at all a that point. Most hospitals will not keep you they send you home and tell you your not in labor until your at a 4 around here. So again I thought it was odd she was keeping me and going to induce me. I later figured out that I think she kept me and induced me because it was around 9 or 10 when I got there and she had to be called to the hospital. I think she thought if she induced me with my water already leaking I would probably go into labor and have her in just a little bit and she could then go home for the night. If she just sent me home and told me to come back when contractions were this or that then I could of ended up back in there in an hour or two, some time in the middle of the night or maybe not even until the next day. I think she didn’t want to risk having to come back out in the middle of the night if she sent me home. Again if she induced me then baby should be here by midnight and she be home for the night. But that isn’t what happen it didn’t work and baby didn’t come until the next day. I had a horrible labor all kinds of questions and she laid somewhere and slept for the night in the hospital and never once would come to my room to check on me and answer my questions. Hearing other stories of the way she did people I believe this is why she done me that way.

When I went into labor a year and half later with my 2nd baby my water just started leaking. I went to hospital because of blood and I was high risk so I was told to get there at any sign of blood. I got there around 10 the doctor got out of her c section she was doing and talked to me about 11. She said it was okay the blood wasn’t anything to worry about and not from me being high risk. She then said she was going home she would check in on me in the morning before she went into the office or if she got called back in the night. That if I needed anything they would take care of me or call her if I needed her. I said but my water is leaking don’t you have to induce so that I have the baby by x amount of time? She said nope it hasn’t broke it is only leaking baby is fine there is no need to induce your body knows what to do and will do what it needs to do. I have delivered 8 babies 2 of them c sections I am going home for the night because you are fine. You need to get some rest before labor hits you so you can be ready too. She said if I induce you now it is just going to put you on that time table your talking about and we don’t want to do that. If you haven’t had him in the morning and you want to talk about it then we can talk about inducing but I don’t think you should then either if he is fine. So same thing as with my first water was leaking but the doctor didn’t want to do anything and let my body to what it is supposed to do but my midwife with my first couldn’t get the iv in my arm fast enough and hook up the induction fast enough and then had them up it every 30 minutes to try and force it to start. That doctor dilvered 3 of my 4 kids I never looked for a midwife or another doctor after my experience with her through out my pregnancy, labor and delivery. I say I want this or that and she say that is fine or we can do it this way but not that way is that okay I said how I wanted my labor and delivery went as long as there was nothing medically that had to be done. Even during my pregnancy a lot of doctors say you have to get all these test and things I only got the ones that I wanted to get. I would ask her what it was for, what the risk to the baby were, I ask her ok so it shows this or that but how right is it? What are the chances of it being this or that for real or what are the chances of it being wrong and nothing is wrong? What are the chances of it saying everything is fine and turns out something is wrong? She would tell me and say but if it say something is then we have this or that test to look at things more. I say so what are the odds of it being right and wrong? If I didn’t feel they were good enough odds or that is really was a shot in the dark either way then I say no I don’t think I want that she said ok I didn’t think you would but we have to offer it. She is the only doctor that I can truly say if I was not able to ask a lot of questions and things and just needed to decide what way to go and what to do I feel I could trust her to give me the best advice and not tell me something she wouldn’t do if it was herself. I wish she was a regular doctor and I could see her for everything.

I didn’t get back to finish this earlier so here I am in the middle of the night as it is most times. Well I hadn’t looked in a while but the last time I had looked they said around 5 that she had until 7 to get to 6 cm from the 4 she was at. But no one ever answered. I looked a few hours ago and she still hadn’t had her and they said they had broke her water earlier this morning sometime. I am guessing that is why the doctor told her she needed to be progressed to a 6 or more by that time. If she hadn’t gotten to a 6 they were probably going to tell her she was “failing” to progress and needed to start talking about and planing  c section. But she had so she was still okay for the time being.

I hate the way they do women and especially the younger girls who go in to have babies who really don’t know anything and don’t think or know to ask or what to ask or think about. I think all new moms to be should take the duala training class. It is a weekend class two or three days so less than most child birth classes and they would learn 100 x’s more information than any childbirth class and it would probably lower our infant death rate at the time of birth and the c section rate and the induction rates. Yes people make a lot of money being a doula but I am all for it being a class insurance covers and all new moms to be getting the training for their own information. Because it is very good and very helpful information.

Well I was just told we have a baby born at 1145 pm, she was 6 lbs 9 oz. She was a few oz bigger than my oldest but looks a lot fatter than my oldest was. My oldest was long I bet she isn’t as long as my niece and her boyfriend are not that tall. Father of the year is 6’3 all three of my kids were over 19 inches close to 20 but my last. She was my Little Bitty but her daddy is only a few inches taller than me.  I am just glad she is here and everything didn’t lead to a c section. She says she is never having anymore kids.



{November 29, 2016}   Baby Boy

Sunday my sister text and said to pray for a friend she was in ICU and they didn’t know if she would make it. I called her to see what happen.

She said that our friend had lifted or moved furniture and started bleeding. She is pregnant with her 4 baby, so really bad. I guess it took her a little bit before she went to the hospital I don’t know why she was scared or what. She has bad anxiety when it’s time to have the baby and things.

When they finally got her to the hospital they said she turned white and started getting sick. They got her right back and said if she had waited any longer to come in she would have died. They put her to sleep and took her in for an emergency c section. When they got her open they said her uterus was transparent. They delivered the baby and ended up having to work on her for 5 hours. They had to shock her and everything else why they were working on her. They came out and told her family and little girls that they did not think she was going to make it. They ended up taking her uterus and one of her tubes out. They had to give her 7 bags of blood, 3 bags of platelets and 3 bags of plasma. They she made it through the surgery and was put in ICU to control her blood pressure and things like that. They wanted to let her wake up for a bit then put her into a coma to keep everything down and let her body rest. She was ok when she came to and they decided I guess not to do the drug induced coma. They had to let her come to so she could sign papers for someone to take care of the baby, see the baby and make decisions I guess about the baby as they had taken him from that hospital to the big children’s hospital in the other county. They said she has to stay there at least a week because they have to monitor her blood and make sure it straitens out.

My sister told me Sunday she thought she was over 30 weeks but not 31 yet. We were talking about the baby, I said he had a good chance at making it if she was that far along. I didn’t know how much but probably  little better than 50% but I could be wrong. He was 2lbs when she had him, I know they will send them home at 3 lbs now if everything else is ok.

Yesterday I took my friends boyfriend to a meeting and the hospital, when he got out we went and picked him up and took them to wal mart. I had to take the kids to the bathroom and I got a text that said the baby was only 27 weeks and they were taking him off the ventilator. I started to cry right there in the bathroom all these kids around in there. I called her and was asking her why and why they thought he wasn’t going to make it did he have other things wrong or was he just not developed enough? She said no that he was ok that they took it out of his mouth earlier that day and put it in his nose and that they said he was doing good enough they felt he did not need it and would breath fine on his own. I was re leaved to hear that. All I could think was she needed to be over there with him and that he was over there by himself and why would they do that with no one there and things. I was thinking I should try and go over there if I could but I didn’t know how I would do that when I didn’t have anyone to watch the kids or gas to get there.

They moved the mom out of ICU yesterday said she was doing better but still had to stay. They had to give her two more bags of blood yesterday and said they would need to giver her more before she left so she still could’t go.

Please pray for baby boy and his mommy that they both continue to get stronger the next few days and are able to be back together soon.



et cetera
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