{September 5, 2019}   Only a Rain Storm

Hurricane Dorian did nothing but bring some wind and rain. Nothing more than a normal Florida rain storm we typically get this tine of year really.

I can not believe it. I am grateful we didn’t get slammed by a cat 5 or something like that and feel horrible for the people in the islands. I know we could be going through what they are and I could be out a lot nore than money. But right now I am out like two weeks pay.

I don’t think I can go camping now for Mr. 8’s birthday until a week or two later or next month. I have been figuring and figuring money and moving bills around trying to make it work. I just don’t see how. I feel bad I really want to take him and I really wanted to go with Mr. Responsible and his son. Us all and Bff would of had a blast.

I need to go over my tent see if it is usable, get a canopy, food, gas, cake and gifts, part of the money for the site. I don’t see it happening next weekend.

I may see if he still wants to go once I get money settled and get it all planed out again. I hope he dont get upset he said he understands.

I have Mr. 13’s birthday coming up 2 weeks after Mr. 8’s I have to do something for. I don’t know what he wants yet, I have to ask him. He was telling me something the other day Mom of The Year here can’t remember what it was. I think he wants to go to the movie but not sure.

I have to pat on bills they are hitting at once. The one I can normally move the due date because the date comes at a really bad time anyway. But for some reason I haven’t been able to move it. I figured things out I think if I don’t do the trip I can still do something and get everything taken care of. I can get the gifts from the kids and cake with family. Give him a date with the camping trip or tell him sit down with me help me pick somewhere to go. He will like that. That will cost me a lot less and then that part will be out of the way as well. Since the gifts from the kids will be done. That is a nice chunk of money in its self. I will do a cake when we go camping if BFF and other go. They will give him a little gift and things too.

I don’t think BFF is in the mood to go camp and things right now either after being away so long for the storm and things. I am tired wore out and just want to get back to normal and that wont be until next week and even then wont will missing work and more money to go camping, being away from home and all that. It be another week before I get back to any kind of normal. I don’t know if mentally I can handle that right now.

I feel bad but I never told him we would go camping for sure on his bday. Just that we would go.

{August 13, 2019}   A Camping We Shall Go

My Little Guy’s birthday is in a month. He wants nothing more than to go camping for his birthday. I am looking all over to try and find somewhere to go for a weekend Friday night to Sunday and everything is booked. All I can find is Sunday night to when ever during the week. I can’t take off work and he can’t take off school. I already have to take off work Friday in order to go but I can’t take off two or three days. We are coming into months where I will be missing a lot of work.

I was already looking at the calendar today trying to figure out if I could afford to take off the week of Christmas or even 3 days that week.  We will be closed the day before the day of, then my birthday is the day after. That is Tuesday through Thursday. Meaning I would work Monday and Friday. Or Monday, Thursday, Friday.

He wants to go camping in the woods in tents, no phones, electric or anything else. Cut tress to have a fire to cook on and logs to sit on. I hate to burst his bubble but I can’t do that. We will have to have air mattress because I can’t sleep on the ground.

At this point I am thinking about trying to find someone we know with property that we can pitch a tent and have a fire. Be able to take the dogs as well maybe to make things a little easier or harder I don’t know. Easier in the way I won’t have to board them harder in the way of they just are a pain and have to be on chains and everything and can get off them.

I am going to have to see what I can figure out he has been talking about this camping trip for months now. I don’t want to disappoint him over something so simple.


{April 5, 2019}   Meeting Mr. Responsible

I was talking to Bff yesterday and we decided to go ahead and go out last night. We have been talking about changing it to a different night but we all just needed it. I told her that I may see if Mr. Responsible wanted to come hang out and asked if she wanted to meet me over by where I work at night. but we decided it was better to just go where we always go. I told her I would just pick him up bring him with me and take him home when we were done. I really didn’t think he was going to go but told her I was going to ask him.

Before I could message him he messaged me and asked what I was doing? I told him waiting for 10 and asked what he was doing? He said waiting on me to come over so he could make me a drink. I laughed and told him to come go out with me and told him I would pick  him up. He asked if I would bring him home like I am going to go and leave him somewhere or something. I don’t know what that was all about. Then he asked if he had to shave and how nice he would have to dress. I told him it be nice if he shaved. That no one was dressing up, that I was just finishing 12 hours of work I wasn’t dresses up. I was in my jeans and a nice shirt same I would of put on had I been home and was going out.

He wanted to know where we were going he didn’t have much money and everything. I said look not much just get ready and go your fine none of us have much we just hang out. He said okay. That he needed money to get drinks and things. I said well if you want to get into what you have saved that is fine but you will probably bring it home with you. He said okay. I finally got off work and went to pick him up.

I headed to go meet everyone, he started talking. He said man I wasn’t even going to go out tonight I just wanted to hangout at the house. He said but you always come and hang out with me anytime I call you if your free your down to hangout even if we just go out to the lake or go have a few drinks or sit at the house you always come see me. He said I had to come. We got there and we were walking across the parking lot and he started saying something about my butt and talking about when we use to go to church together and things. We were all laughing when we walked in and found them they were looking at us. He started to say something about it after we sat down and he stopped he was like oh wait I don’t know if you want me to tell them that or not. I said I don’t care you can tell them and laughed I said there is nothing bad.

He said she use to come sit in the pew at church right in front of me and then she would be standing there during service and rock and sway and taking care of them babies. He said her butt was just right there. He said here we are sitting in church my wife is sitting right there and her husband I guess you can call him was right there. He said but i couldn’t help it, you can’t not notice when she is standing there swaying and rocking with them babies. They were laughing.

Bff and sleeping Beauty were the only ones there. Her aunt wasn’t there, she was at the fair and called later but wouldn’t come out. On the way over there I said I am not sure who all is going to be there. He said what do you mean? I said there is a group of us that go but I don’t know who all out of the group is going to be there. He said wait Bff is going to be there right? I said yes but I don’t know who else. He said well that is all that matters is that she is there. I know she is your Bff he said she knows how things are between you and me or what is going on right? I said yeah she knows it isn’t a big deal. I wasn’t even sure if Sleeping Beauty was going to be there or not. He had said he was but we all know how that is and Bff had said something about talking to him when he got home I figured even if he was going to he may not after that.

We ordered drinks and sat there and talked. I ordered a salad and then a tea. I couldn’t even drink my drink when I got it. Mr. Responsible said something about me needing to drink my drink or something. Sleeping Beauty said on no she don’t either and something about me drinking. What would happen or something. He said she drinks those when she is with me all the time. Her drink I said that or jack and coke or screw drivers. He said she be alright. Sleeping Beauty said moonshine Blackberry moonshine all I got to say. I said oh no I’m not drinking that shit no more I done told you that kind or any kind.

Him and sleeping Beauty got along pretty good. They are talking about going camping and fishing and when we can all get together and go. I don’t think Mr. Responsible really understands or knows who sleeping beauty is or what. I said something about it when we left but he been drinking wasn’t getting it. I don’t care it don’t bother me. I just don’t want something coming up later him saying I didn’t know this or that why didn’t you tell me or what? I don’t think he would but you never know with guys.

It is about 25 miles or so from where I picked him up and the place we all go. We talked on the way. He ask if bff knew how things were between us and things. He said good I’m not ready for a relationship I am working on me and I got a lot of work to do. He said I’m not asking you to wait for me or not talk to other guys or nothing like that. He said we know what we are doing. I like you I really do but I don’t want to hurt you and I would because I need to fix me.

Then again he started telling me how I am the only girl he talks to and hangs out with or has anything to do with. Something else was said. I said its alright I understand or know what you mean. I said I didn’t date or talk to anyone for 4.5 years I had to work on me and getting my life straight. I said don’t worry about it you don’t have to explain it to me.

At the same time he says all this its like he wants me to say I’m not talking to anyone else either or going out. Just the way he says it and things. I don’t because I do talk to other guys and date. If he isn’t into more then that is fine but I am looking for more than just someone to hang out with.

Like I told bff yesterday I don’t think I am really interested in more with him anyway. And I figured out that is the thing these guys all just want to hang out be friends or what and by the time they decide they want more I have seen enough that I’m not interested anymore. They have decided okay she isn’t playing games or like the rest. I’m over here like okay glad I seen this or that and found out about that before we did this.

If we were already in a relationship it be different it isn’t like I would leave over it. But it is like why get in a relationship knowing its there. Like with him he has really let himself go, he has gain a lot of weight, he has health problems that he won’t go get taken care of and he drinks a lot more than he says or use to.

He is talking about wanting to lose and get in shape. That is good but he still needs to do something about his health problems. The drinking I do not mind to a point. But I don’t like it when its to much all the time. I don’t like being around him after he has had so much. It’s no longer fun. If we were in a relationship it would be something we would be talking about but I don’t know that it would be any good to. That I really don’t if he would change or could. It could turn into a problem and be something I would leave over. The health problems we talked about a few times but he just makes excuses.

Some how money came up he said I have money, well I don’t have money but I have a little bit but I am saving it for my license. He said he had money on his card for the week but he didn’t want to spend that then he wouldn’t have any for the week. He said he got a little out of the safe. He said I’m not making a ton but I am able to put some up and save still pay what I need have money for the week and a little in my pocket for extra if you come by or me and my roommate decide to go do something. He said not like I have a lot and my savings i am saving to pay my stuff off.

I said I know what you mean I am working 60 hours a week and carrying a whole house with bills and 4 kids 100% on my own. No state help or child support. I may have a little extra now and then or be able to do things with the kids now but I still don’t have money. So I get it.

He said I know your not a stupid bitch. He turned put his hands up toward me and said your not a bitch. I’m not calling you a bitch. I think he thought I was going to knock the hell out of him. Then he said that’s why I like hanging out with you, you’er not stupid. You are down to earth you get it. Your doing it on your own you know how it is. I wouldn’t call you a bitch. He said you are just so cool and you are going places. He said I have watched you grow and you have come so, so far and you are going to go so much further. He said your so smart and you don’t just sit around you get up and you make it happen. He said you have dreams, man I love your dreams. He said just little bit of property some horses and things for your kids. He said so simple laid back. He said you take care of them babies and do so good with them and for them.

I said something about having to go and Sleeping Beauty said you drove all that way over here for an hour and your going to go? I said I still have to make the drive to take him home then drive it back home. I have to get home to the kids. Sleeping Beauty said something and Mr. Responsible said no she has to go home to them babies.  We all had a good time everyone wants to get back together and hangout. Next time they are going to come down by where I am working and he lives so I don’t have to turn around drive all the way back down there and come back. We can hangout longer. Maybe we will just go hangout at his house have a fire and drinks or something or go play pool.

Mr. Responsible asked the waitress for his check when she came back around so that we could go. She asked how it was split up because they were there before us and then we came in and everything. He told her he was on his own. I didn’t think anything of it, I knew he had taken money out of his savings and things and I never expect him to pay when we go out, I always pay for mine when I go out on Wednesday. She went to get the checks and I told him I needed out for a minute. He asked why where I was going. I said I was going to the truck I had left my card out there. I don’t take my cards or money into work with me and I forgot to grab it when we got out. He said your card for what? I said I have to pay for my drinks and food. He said girl what are you talking about? I said I have to pay her when she gets back with the check. He said oh shit honey I’m sorry I wasn’t even thinking about your stuff put it on mine. I said no I can pay for it that isn’t a problem I have the money I just didn’t put my card back in my pocket when I left work. He said girl get out of here you know I have it. I would of told her to start with I just wasn’t thinking, I was talking. She came back up and he told her he forgot and to add mine onto his and he paid it.

{November 22, 2018}   A Little Creepy

Tuesday night I went to bed late, I was extremely sore, tired and just didn’t feel good. Mr. To Broken messaged me and said he needed to talk to me. I ask what was up. He tried to call me on messenger. I did not answer he knows I do not use it to talk at all if he wants to call me he needs to call my phone right. I ask again what was up? He said he wanted to talk to me could he call? I said yeah.

He called my phone started telling me how much he loves me all this. He sounded way better than I have ever heard him sound before. He tells me he has this idea I should come and bring the kids over Friday night. Have a fire grill and all that. The kids can run and play all night until they drop. And we (me & him) can go to bed and crash. Just relax and enjoy the night. It would be fun for the kids.

I do not know why he thought I would go along with this. He knows how I am and that I don’t bring my kids around guys and things. To think I am just going to come bring them over there and in the end go to bed with him! I have made it very clear I am mot interested in him at all in anyway shape or form for any reason at all.

What did he think he would get me over there and then do what he wanted? I go along with it because the kids were there or he pull something because they were there try make me do what he wanted.

I just got a very weird feeling about it all. He just seemed into good of a mood and everything. Very not good feeling about it. Of course I told him no there was never a question about it there is no way i ever think of doing it. Creepy stalker kind of thing if you ask me.

et cetera
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