{April 1, 2019}   80 Years
This has been on my mind a lot since I seen it Friday night and then I seen post on line this weekend. The more the see the madder I get.
You see I said before Bff took in a baby back the end of last year. He went home right before Christmas. She had him because mom and dad were in jail. Mom was in charges she had from before she got pregnant or had him something. Well right before she went in dad was picked up for this.
Bff took the baby in she felt bad for him was worried what would happen to him. Mind you either one of us really know this girl and do not know this guy at all. Bff met her from me. I knew of her she went to massage school when I went. She was in the other class I didn’t really know her. If we talked a handful of times why we were there that is a lot. Probably no where close. After I left there I didn’t see her for 3 years.
When me and Bff lived by each other and my oldest son was going to private school her son was there too. We seen each other at the bus stop and even then I had no clue who she was.
Anyway she was having issues and ask me to help her get her son to and from the bus. I did some she wanted to hang out with us and things so we let her some. But the things I found she was doing and into and then all the guys she was running around with and doing things with I stopped talking to her.
Bff stopped hanging out with her and things as well. But they stayed friends on facebook. They would talk on there once in awhile. In the mean time in 5 years she has had 3 kids two she gave away. The two she already had she loss and she has kept this one. Had Bff not taken him she would of loss him to dcf and not have him now. They knew she was going to jail and the night before they came to get him. He was with bff and she is dcf approved and everything so they left her alone.
She has been out of jail 5 months and she still isn’t clean and running around. Calling bff to see if she will take him she needs sleep, she needs time to herself, she has to go shopping, to the school or whatever she don’t want to take him with her. Bff has told her no a lot I am surprised. She just had surgery and bff took him for a week or so. Then she tells her how she was out with friends and doing this and that when she was supposed to be resting and healing and dealing with an infection.
Well since this happen she told her she needed some alone time and she needed to process this and deal with this and she couldn’t take him back. Bff told her to bad she had to work she had to take him. Then she was trying to get her to take him back that night. She told her no.
Now I been seeing her post and talking about the baby’s dad and team lolyal and 80 years staying strong and just all this shit about being here for him waiting for him when he gets out and all this. She took the baby to see him last night!!!! How the hell does the jail or prison allow that the charges he is in on and found guilty?
This is a baby he is 18 months old. The pictures he had and things. Then we found out he took care of this baby for two months why mon did her thing and couldn’t and all this.
She keeps saying things to Bff about him and pray for him he was getting sinticed the other day how she still loves him and waiting on him.
I already told bff she better not ever say anything to me or around me about him, how she misses him, loves him or waiting on him. Because when she does it is done I am going to go off and tell her.
I don’t get it she is the one that found the pictures and turned him in. Was all freaked out about it and now this. If she thinks nothing ever then why did she even bother to turn him in? Not saying she shouldn’t have and I am so glad she did but you know what I mean.
I do not get it she has 5 kids all in the age range they say he was doing this with and getting pictures of. How can ANYONE feel that way and say those things about someone like this like its nothing they slapped someone and got in trouble or something. But none the less how can a MOTHER think nothing of it?
I told bff she has dropped down to the ranks of Peter Pan and Wendy. I want to get a hold of her like I wanted to get a hold of Wendy when all the shit went down with bff’s adoptive daughter that is hers. The pictures I see of the kid on line the things she is letting him do or play with. Its going to keep on I am going to message her or drive to her house tell her something. She needs to just sign the baby over to Bff or let dcf take him and give him to a family that is going to love him and take care of him give him a good life that she can’t. All she can give him is nothing really. She is staying with her mom they fight all the time she wants nothing to do with the baby nor the rest of her family because he is mixed. Her own son her oldest told her she did not need to pick him up in december she needed to leave him where he was at let bff have him she couldn’t do anything for him he was happy and had a good life and a family. He was right i feel bad for her oldest he gets pushed and dumpped here there and everywhere no one has given him a stable home for whatever reason and then complain about how he does. But then his sister family took her in and is keeping her.
Its all very messed up and sad and this is one time I’m not keeping my mouth shut when it comes up.

Read the rest of this entry »

{March 26, 2019}   To Contact or Not Contact

I am really on the fence about trying to contact RC and see if he will have some kind of relationship with Little Bitty. I feel that the sooner the better for her, than waiting until she is a lot older. But then if he says no or gets nasty then what am I supposed to say or do? I could tell her I haven’t talked to him or wasn’t able to get a hold of him. But I don’t want to lie to her. I would rather not try to contact him than to have to tell her he don’t want to talk to her or lie that I didn’t get a hold of him.

I am debating if I should wait until child support contacts him and see if he tries to contact me or what they say about visitation. I am sure they will do a paternity test as well since he is not on the birth certificate and my divorce had not been granted. I had to send a letter in it asked who I had been with if I was married or gotten married in x time frame and all that. I had to put RC on there and Father of the Year. I know 100% without a shadow of a doubt that RC is the father. He knows as well and told Bff and her husband that he knew that he was as soon as we found out a was pregnant.

But this way he can’t say she isn’t his or anything like that. Then it will just be up to him, is he or is he not going to have a relationship with his daughter. Even if just for right now it is by phone for now.

Another part wants to just call him up or message him and be like hey look this is your daughter, you know this, she is asking about you, wants to know about you and to get to know you. Are you going to step up or just keep being a deadbeat like you have been?

I know I can’t say it just like that and that I have to be careful what I say and how I say it.

Then I worry about how it will effect the other kids and their dad not being in the picture. I wonder how things are going to play out come May when me and him go to court and go over the child support and visitation for the three of them. I don’t know if how that will go over because they do not want to go to his house or have anything to do with his new wife. I know the court isn’t really going to care about that and tell me that I have told them this or that. But you know what they know who has been there and who hasn’t. Oldest knows he has told her what he was going to do and he hasn’t bothered to. I also have their writings from school that their teacher wanted to make sure that I got because of what they wrote. About how mom is always here and mom don’t run away and mom is all they have. I wasn’t there when that was written, I didn’t even know anything about the writing project that they were working on much less know what they wrote until I went to their holiday dinner with them. They were hanging on the wall and I found them and read them. You can read what they wrote here What They Are Thankful For if you haven’t seen it before. This was a dinner he could of came to as well but he had already been gone for months at that time and knew nothing that was going on in their lives.

But I can’t not let her have contact with her dad just because their’s isn’t in the picture. Theirs was for a while when hers wasn’t.

I am going to have to really think about it and figure out what to do. I just feel if I wait it could be another year or more before they get to us and really do anything and we get the test, results, court date and all that. I don’t want to wait years if I am going to do it.

{July 28, 2018}   Deadbeat Sighting 2

Today me and the girls ran to the store before work. Oldest ran in and she called me in a little bit said she was in line and he was at the bank at the store. I drove around to see if he came out but he did not. She did and as we were leaving she said there he is coming out of the store. I pulled up by wjere he was parked and ask him what happen, why he hadn’t come or called in the last week or two like he said. He couldn’t he jad bills blah blah. I said and so do your kids and needs. To bad they come first. I will get a hold of you tomorrow he said. I saod that is what you told them last weeknor week before and a year and a half ago when you walked away and left them.

I said I told you I am going to have you arrested and go after your dl and turn your boss in if you didn’t the other week and you walk away now I am doing it and I am going to call your boss and let him know what is going on. Is that what you want? No no O don’t I will call you tomorrow. I said no your here now was just at the bank go get them what you owe them give them. I can’t I don’t have it. I have to go I have stuff to do. I said I am calling your boss to let him know I am turning him in and that you have known for weeks what you had to do in order to keep it from happening and did not bother. Guess that is what you want right? No i will get with you tomorrow. I said you will deal with it today or I am calling. I said better yet I do it right now. Pulled my phone out said @$!= @$!!÷ service, city state. Google started spewing the address and phone number. I moved so he could backout got his boss on the phone. Held phone up so he could see someone was on it i was talking.

His boss answered and we had a nice long chat. I told him everything. He said as far as he knew he was taking care of it he ask him about it before. He said i give you $150 a week from his check $600 the first of every month. $500 for his monthly and $150 for back pay. Write me a letter and I will be going to take it to him let him know this is what is going to happen. I said he says he can’t afford to pay that much I know is a lie. He was like well he can and if that is what he says then I will work him on saturdays. He said he pays him rent and he is paying him for the truck that he is driving and now he will make sure i get the $650 a month. We will see, i would love to be a fly on the wall when he goes tells him this is how it is going to be. If he don’t agree to it then he risk losing his house, ride and job. He already lied to him about it all once. So their true colors are going to show through or they are going to suck it up and do it and she is going to make life hell for him once the boss leaves.

He said I am a Christina and he needs to take care of those kids and their needs. I have told him that and that it isn’t right. His dad left them and skipped paying as well. So he knows it isn’t right but he not all on the up and up either and he ripping him off on the truck and trailer deal. But hey he is getting what he gives. I just wrote it up on my phone and sent it to him. So he should be going over there sometime between now and Monday. He wanted it as soon as i could get it to him so it could go into effect.

{November 5, 2017}   Don’t Want to Be Your Friend

This morning I wake up to messages from a lady that I have been ignoring for years. Yes you read that right years I have been ignoring and avoiding her. I do not reply or even act like I know she messaged me and if I see her in the store I go to the other side of the store and do not let her see me there. I do not want to get stuck talking to her or explaining myself in why I do not want anything to with her or her on my page. You know how they say if you have nothing nice to say then say nothing at all? Well I have nothing nice to say to her at all and it would not turn out very well.

It is not even like I was ever close with this women or her family at all. I can probably count on one hand the amount of times we have really even spoke to each other. I met her years ago when me and father of the year first got together at a church we started going to. Her sons went there and her daughter and grand daughter as well. The one son seemed okay and we talked to him and things. The other son that had the wife and little girl I never cared for from the first time I met him. I talked to the wife some and always talked to the little girl played with her and she played with the kids. She was really little at that time a few years old. I told Father of the Year when I met him that I bet he was controlling and abusive to his wife. Sure enough it wasn’t long that it came out that he was. Then one day I got a phone call from the wife I thought was odd because we didn’t hang out, outside of church or anything like that. I had never talk to her outside of church but maybe once or twice. I wasn’t home and there was no message. Later I found out that dcf had been to her house and taken the little girl away. They were looking for someone to take her in. I was never contacted about it again after that one phone call and stayed out of it.

Well she was in state care for a couple at least a couple years. It came out the dad had been doing things to the little girl and abusing her when the mom was at work. The brother of this guy had gotten with a close friend of the families daughter and they were together and she use to take her and take care of her and do things with her all the time and she told the girls mother one night when she was at there house.

Later the brother that married into the our friends family ended up getting a divorce and later going to jail for being with a girl that was 16 and he was almost 30. So now both boys have been in trouble for this and with two different people one being his own kid and at one time it was rumored that the brother may have been in on it with the daughter as well.

The mother of the boys still has them in her home living, still does everything for them and even has kids at her house around them knowing all this and see’s nothing wrong with him going out with women with kids. Despite what he done to his own child. Lets them live with her as well. I am sorry if that was my child they would be cut off and on their own. Everyone screws up and does stupid shit or what. People should get a second chance, but when it comes to doing things like that and hurting children no you do not get a second chance at hurting a child and you are not thought of the same again.

Over the years I have become closer to and pretty good friends with the ones daughter and her mother. We talk all the time and I have had her stay at my house or come after school and stay until her mom can pick her up come to birthday and holiday parts. For all of these reasons I do not want anything to do with this women or her sons and find it very odd that she keeps contacting me and trying to get me to talk to her and be friends with her when she really don’t know me and we have not seen each other in years or talked. We don’t even go to church together anymore. I am not going to go be friends with them both and I would not do that to this little girl and her mother because even though the mom has had her ups and downs she has been through a lot and really is a good person and has done a lot for her and her daughter to improve their lives. Either way I do not mess with or have people like that around me or my kids.

I posted something on my facebook about why do you keep wasting your time trying to talk to me for years when I never talk to you or answer you and tagged it stalker. Few hours later I get a text from Sleeping Beauty asking if I was okay? I told him yes why? I had no idea why he would be asking that when I have not talked to him in weeks, maybe a month almost. He said what is that about a stalker or your stalker problem? I told him what I was talking about and how this is what her kids did and things. He thought it was crazy too.

{March 31, 2017}   Very draining Day

Just wanted to say I never use a persons real name when posting.

Today was my day to help at the older kids school and it started out in a crazy rush to get there. I woke the kids up at 7 as always and then I fell back to sleep because I had not went to sleep until after 3. I get up between 745 and 815 depending on what I have to do that day. Something woke me up at around 8 or a little after this morning I called the kids to see what they were doing and they were sleeping. They had not dried their clothes or anything else. We were a couple minutes late but not much. The teacher and one of the other parents were out front talking still. I walked up talked with them for a bit, she left we went inside. We did the morning pledge and thing got the kids caught up on the field trip tomorrow what we were going to be doing and the rules. They got to work I started working on writing the stuff on the back of the rocks they painted the other day. I don’t know if you all have a group around you but it is such and such county rocks. whoever wants to paints rocks then hides them around town for people to fine. We are going to put some in our down town area and take some on our field trip tomorrow. The kids painted them Tuesday and we were going to write the stuff on the back and then seal them. Well most the rocks were black so I had to paint over them with white paint then write on them. I finished painting and was in the middle of writing on them when we had a problem with one of the students that snow balled into a 3 hour or more ordeal.

The teacher walked by ask her to sit in the chair properly and put her legs down. It’s a girl in a dress siting across from a boy with her legs up in the air and all. She started she was sitting right and she wasn’t doing anything wrong and started to go into a melt down. She told her lets go in the other room and talk about it not where everyone is doing work, test ad studying. I started to go with her but I can see in the other room and hear if something happens. They have three class rooms all in a row that have a door in between and a window in between two of them as well. The teacher came back out and sat down and said now she has locked herself in the bathroom and won’t come out. The bathroom is in this little hall like area between the 2nd and 3 rd room. There is a counter on one side where the teachers have their coffee pot and microwave the other side is the bathroom. As soon as she said it I just had this thought and this feeling go over my whole body that she was going to do something I felt she may try to do something to someone or herself but I knew there was nothing in the bathroom she could do anything to herself with. I figured she stopped the toilet up and have it running over everywhere.

The teacher said I am going to give her 5 minutes to get herself together and come out. In a few minutes the kids started saying what was that? Then we hear her yelling or screaming. She got up and went to go in there I got up and went with her. I figured she probably should have a witness being she has to open this bathroom door and go in and still trying to talk to her and get her out. This is a newer child, and she puts me in mind of the type that would say someone done this or that to her and/or to just start swinging if the right mood hit. She knocked a few times she wouldn’t say anything wasn’t making a sound at all. She told her she was going to open the door if she did not come out. She still didn’t say anything so she open the door. The girl got up against it was trying to push it shut and hold it shut so she could’t get in. We talked to her a few minutes told her lets sit talk but she had to come out of the bathroom. She screaming yelling leave her a lone. She told her we were going to be calling grandma if she didn’t come out this went on long enough. She didn’t care she wasn’t coming out. Teacher ask me to go get her binder with phone numbers in it so she could call mom or grandma. The girl molly let go over the door a little like she was going to come out or let her open then turned right back around and slammed it, slamming it into the teacher and slamming the teacher Mrs. C’s back into the door frame. She is having trouble with her back already. I went got the book with numbers we went and called grandma. She said she wasn’t far she be there fast as she could.

We were standing there in the third room talking and she open the door looked around and when she seen us she went back in locked the door. Now we have kids that need to use the bathroom because this has been going on for about 35 minutes or so and it is the only bathroom we have. we open the door again she is sitting back on the toilet with it open and her clothes on. We just told her not to do that when the door was open the first time she was going to get her dress wet. We open it this time she says my dress fell in there and go wet. We said we told you that was going to happen, grandma is coming to take you home anyway but you need to come out others need to use the bathroom. No leave me alone screaming and yelling. At this point Mrs. C has the door open all the way leaning on it with her back against it and her heel on it to keep her from closing it again. She started trying to shove it closed over her she told her she was hurting her she say oh sorry, I didn’t mean to. Then do it agian, she said yes you mean to or you would not keep doing it then say sorry, you know if you do it, it is going to hurt she has told you three times. She starts yelling shut up you know your lying you can’t read my mind you don’t know if I am doing it or not.

We ended up sending one of the older boys with the other to take him to one of the churches bathrooms because we could’t get her to come out and we didn’t want to leave either of us there alone with her. In a minute she stood up walked out into the middle room. I was in a funny position the way we ended up standing there. I think I had walked away int that room but close where I could see and hear what was going on to talk to one of the kids. she came out. The teacher was right there behind if she turned to go back into the bathroom she have to get around her to get in there. I seen her looking I knew she was about to bold not to the bathroom but out the door. I looked at Mrs. C behind her back and said I said she looking to leave, as I was saying she is she bolted into the class where the kids were and out the door. I went after her and Mrs. C ran out the door she was next to. By the time we got to the grass and parking lot maybe three to five foot out the door grandma was there. She came walking up to us. Molly kept going she was telling her just get in the van they would go home and things she just kept going. She ran almost to the end of the little side street in front of the church. Grandma was still calling her telling her not to do this come back they could go home. Well there is a little wall there and she jumped over the wall and headed to the busy road in front of the church. I knew I couldn’t get to her going straight down and across like she did so I went to the side where I was standing to get up to the road to see where she was going and where she was at even if I wasn’t close to her. She was about half block or less away from me. She was standing on the corner looking at the cars flying by. I was calling her she was ignoring me. She ripped her shoes off and tossed them down and started lunging toward the road and the cars that were coming. I have ran across the yard at the church and now I am running down the parking lot on the side of this busy road. I was trying to call 911 why I was trying to run then trying to stop traffic on this busy road cars flying by because she is trying to run out in the road with car coming at her. I shoved my phone back in my pocket because I could’t look at dialing it, trying to stop traffic and trying to watch her all at the same time. I felt they needed to be called but in order for me to keep me and her as safe as I could and do everything I could to keep her safe I needed to focus on me and her and figured someone was calling the police.

I am trying to stop the traffic and they just ignore me and fly right on by. I am hollering for her to not go in the road to get back and she keeps acting like she is about to run in the road at any second. I stepped out in the middle of the road so traffic would hopefully stop and it did. But I could not see traffic coming from the other direction up by where she was because it was around a bin. I couldn’t stop them because they would have to pass her or be on top of her before they would see me. She looked seen there was no traffic coming I had stopped it and thank God there was none coming at that time her direction she took off running down the street again. I got on the sidewalk and went after her trying to at least just get caught up to her see where she was going so we didn’t lose her. Mrs. C couldn’t follow because we could’t leave the kids in class alone. I have no idea where grandma was because I figured when I stopped traffic grandma would be there in a minute maybe she could grab her or something she never came. she got ahead of me because we ere so far apart she rounded a corner and went down another little side street. I got to the corner there and I seen grandma in the van pulled up by her talking to her she wasn’t running or anything she was walking so I didn’t go any closer I figured she calming down she is talking to grandma she isn’t running I am don’t want to get closer and make her mad or upset her make her run again. I figured she get in they would come back around to the school, I turned around and walked back the way we came back to the school. As I was running by the corner where she tossed her shoes and left them a lady from one of the offices says those are her shoes as I ran by them. I knew they were she just seen everything that happen me trying to get her to stay out of the road and things. Did I really look like I had time to stop and make sure her shoes got picked up and weren’t in the road? I said yeah I don’t care about her shoes right now I have to get her before she hurts herself or gets lost as I ran by her. I was really annoyed that she even said it to me. I shouldn’t have been but it was just the stress of the moment and she meant well I am sure too. I went back by and they had picked them up out of the road and sat them on the sidewalk outside their business there so they would be seen. I picked them up and tried the door but they were locked. I went to go on back to the school and a lady came out. I said I am sorry I wasn’t trying to be rude we just have a situation with a student I am trying to make sure she is safe and things. She said no I understand was telling me she knew we were over there and they use to see us walk the kids down to the library all the time and the park last year and things she thought it was such a nice school. How good it seemed for the kids. I said yeah it really is we have a good group of kids but when you have kids like ours and sometimes things happen. I got back the school the teacher was all upset I was I felt like I was able to calm down stop worrying everything was okay then she asked me where they were and mom was there. I told her they were a couple streets over I thought grandma had her it seem like she was calming down. Mom drove over to them. We waited no one came back I went drove around about three streets sign of them. I think I missed them they took a side street they are at school. I get back there ask her she said no didn’t you find them? I said no I they are no where to be seen I thought they came back here. She said no. She tried to call mom she didn’t answer she tried a few times the last time she told her we had to report it to the police because we did not know if they had her or not if they did not call back in 5 minutes we had to report it because it had been so long no one came back to talk with us or anything. They didn’t call back. We called the police told them we had a student run from campus and that mom and grandma where looking for her but that we didn’t know now if they had her like we thought because no one would call us back or came back to take care of things. They ask the school name and address and said that the police were with grandma. I guess they didn’t have her either. They were still trying to get her or find her.

They sent a cop over to talk to use ask if she hurt anyone she said yes she hit her with the door and hurt her. They asked if she had threaten to hurt herself we told him no she didn’t say she was going to, but that when she ran she went straight for the road and what she had done and that once there were not cars coming at her or around then she went on running but before that she taken off her shoes and was going toward the road and acting as if she was going to go out in front of the cars until I had stopped the cars. He said that’s enough for me thank you and left. I said that’s odd they didn’t ask us to fill out reports or nothing. The kids all seen the cop come up and was already asking where she was when we came back in without her. All we could tell them was that the police were with grandma and they were trying to get her and give her the help she needed that they would let us know something in a little bit. Our one poor boy he is about 15 I think was so upset and sick. I felt so bad for him he was saying my day was going so good it was just going so good then this happen and I jut don’t feel good and I need to do something I didn’t know what to tell him to do or how to help him. I said draw, read, work on work, whatever you want to do here in the class is fine what will help you feel better? He said I don’t know I am sure you can think of something. I finally came him paper and told him get whatever he wanted to draw with and draw. He went back and put his head down for a while.

In a little bit Mollies mom came back to the door and said that the cops were back out front they wanted to talk to her to fill out the report and hopefully baker act her. She said I don’t know they said I can take her or they could or I could take her home, she said I can’t take her home like this she already ran on them yesterday or the day before. She said I don’t know what good taking her home will do. Mrs. C told her I be the one that needed to talk to the cop because I was the one that had the information that would let them backer act her because I was the one to go after her and things. We went out the cop ask me what happen I told him he asked if I felt she was trying to harm herself or take her life. I said yes I did because she kept lunging like she was just waiting for the right time to jump out in the middle of the street. She told them she just wanted to cross the street she was tying to go somewhere on that side. I said no sir she didn’t just want to cross the street, I said if that was the case and she wanted over there so bad why didn’t she then cross when I stopped traffic and she was standing there? I said once I stopped traffic and there were no cars coming she wasn’t interested in that street no more she headed for the other one. He said okay if you feel that’s what she was trying to do and that she was about to run in front of a car you will have to give me a sworn statement and write out a detailed report of what happen so I can take her or I have to give her back to mom. I said that is no problem at all I can do that if it means her getting help she needs. He gave it to me and I wrote it out and everything for him. He then wanted my idea and I gave him that and they went on. He told mom that he was taking her straight to the in patient hospital down south of us to go down in an hour or two and talk to them it would take him time to get her there and them to book her or whatever they want to call it and get her admitted.

They said she has been getting worse and worse at school and they have been having more and more problems from her at home as well. That they changed her medications and it don’t seem to be helping and things only seem to be getting worse. Mom said she didn’t know if she would be back once she got out or what they would be doing with her at that point. Mrs. C talked to the principal of the school finally after it was all over and she said she would be sending her a letter letting her know that she could not come back. She said they have had a lot of behavioral problems out of her prier to this as well and that they are not a school for kids with behavioral problems. The fact that she hit the teacher with the door and she ran was enough with everything else that has been going on to say she couldn’t let her come back. She said she is worried about others safety as well if she would do that wit the teacher. I kind of feel bad for her and think maybe they are jumping to soon to say she can’t come back at all but then at the same time I don’t know. Because part of it is the I’m spoiled I am going to do it just because I can and you can’t do anything about it or everyone look at me I am going to throw a fit because someone said something to me. Mom even said some of it she thinks she is just doing as well. Then some she can’t control. Maybe finding a school that deals with problem kids would be better for now for her.

I don’t know when the last time I ran so far, so fast, and in the heat. My head was pounding, my chest was burning and my heart was hurting. Here they started construction on the church today so there are these workers all out there watching, the people from the office across the street and the poor new people right on the corner we all drive by watching this. I almost fell down in the grass coming across the yard of the church trying to head her off and meet her on the road to make sure she didn’t’ get hit. This wasn’t just something that happen it was a big blow up but was under control in a few minutes the day went on. This all took place over a 3 hour or more time frame. The kids have lunch at like 1130 and it started about 30 minutes or more before that. We were not done dealing with it until just about two.

I guess when I decided to go back to the school just let grandma talk to her figured she could deal with her better without us involved she darted to the big main high way then back and forth up and down the side street and ended up back up to the road me and her was on and grandma had same kind of experience I did with her. She ended up calling 911 at that point.

After mom got her things and everyone left Mrs. C told the kids to clean up and they were going to start working. I said you may as well just let them play or something there is only an hour of school left and they are not going to be focused on work after everything that just went on. I said it ins’t like they are going to miss much anyway any no one here’s parents going to complain because their kid. She said yeah I am glad you said that I am still not with it they can just have move time until time to go home. So that is what we done popped in a move for them and tried to calm down and relax ourselves.

{January 18, 2017}   18 Years of Lies Not Doing It

You know my mom talking about me not giving Little Bitty my married last name and not keeping it myself is all because she thinks I should just do like she did and I’m not doing it. My mom had me right after she turned 18. Her and my dad got married sometime that year I am not even sure when really. Then about three years later she had my brother. Well of course we all had the same last name because they were married and we have the same parents. When I was in about third grade my parents got a divorce and not long after my mom remarried and had my sister. So then her and my mom had my Step dads name never seemed odd or bothered me that we didn’t have the same name. Life goes on and after a while they got divorced too when I was around 20, but they had not lived together for years at that point. She kept his last name after the divorce again no big deal to me never thought twice about it, don’t care.

In the meantime my brother turns 18 and decides to move out and go live with my dad and my mom gets pissed. She never wanted us to live with my dad and fought it every time he would try to go to court and get us even though I wanted to live with him from the start. When I turned 18 I went to live with him and she caused a bunch of problems and I had to go back to her house in order to finish school even though I was 18. I could have fought it my dad would have fought it but it would have taken months. It was December and school was out in 4 months and I would be finished probably before it all got settled. It was really pointless to have my dad fight it then, spend money and miss work.

Well my brother goes to live with my dad and she don’t want him to so she tries everything she can to get him to come home and he won’t. By now she had pulled him from school to “homeschool” him and they weren’t even do that at that point so she couldn’t use that to get him to come home. Really if he was in school and tried it I don’t think he would have came home anyway. He would have just quit school. But I wasn’t going to do that because I think that is part of what she wanted when she pulled it with me. I was going to do something she didn’t and I was proving her wrong by doing it. Instead of trying to help and make sure I finished and got the help I needed all she ever did was tell me how I would never finish and if I did it would never be with my class. At that point the only reason I stayed in school and finished was to prove her wrong and it meant so much to my dad for me to finish.

Anyway when she couldn’t find any other way to get my brother to come home she decides to drop a bomb that no one expected. She tells him that isn’t really his dad some other guy off in some other state is. That didn’t work either and my brother still to this day is pissed at her for lying to him all these years and wonders about it. The guy that is supposed to be his dad I guess didn’t want to talk to him meet him or anything like that. She went so far as to try and get a hold of him when all this went down. I guess he has a wife and kids and things and I don’t know if they know any of this or not.

I do not know what happen how she ended up with him 2 years after her and my dad got married, I don’t know if my dad knew and decided to try and work things out, if she did this and told my dad later or what. I do know my dad knew and that everyone else in the family knew from the be gaining. I guess she didn’t tell him, didn’t go after support or anything else because she didn’t want him to be in the picture, she didn’t want him to have any rights to him or to see him and take him for visits and things if he ever came around and wanted to. Her easy out was here if you are married when you have a baby whoever your husband is goes on the birth certificate as the father and they are the father until them or someone else proves different. So by giving him my dads last name and him being on the birth certificate meant that if this other guy every came around he would have an even harder fight to see him than if no one was on it. I know nothing about this guy other than what I have put here, I don’t even know his name or anything else for that matter. My brother was told who it was but for whatever reason I was never told. I never cared I was living there at the time and I stayed out of it. I was not around when it was talked about. I was just told that isn’t his dad and that was it.

She has made the comment to me different times about Little Bitty and her dad being able to come and take her and if he wants to see her them making me let him see her and making me let him take her off to wherever it is he is living now around whoever he wants and there is nothing I could do about it. Even told me if I went after him for child support she was going to be really pissed off. Like that is supposed to make a difference to me. No one ever talks about him or brings him up other than me and my friends when we are talking or what. I do not call ex daddy to her never have. She is the one that has pushed that and we have fought about it every since I had her. Now she is older she hears the other kids call him that so she does. It makes me sick but I know why she does it. When she says something about daddy talking about him, I tell her that’s not daddy that is Father of the Year. She calls him both. The kids have said something about him being her dad or what and I have told them no he is not her dad RC is her dad. My Big Boy questions it and don’t really understand. He was little when we lived there and me and RC were together. They did not know I was pregnant until we were split up and we had moved out of there. Then Father of the Year ended up living in the playroom all that time and being around so he just thinks that is her dad I guess. I don’t think he even knows how babies are “made” really so he isn’t thinking that something had to happen between us you know. We haven’t had that talk to in depth yet. Tonight he said my oldest daughter could just have babies and be a single mom if she wanted to she didn’t need a husband or boyfriend if she didn’t want one. I ask him how she was going to have kids if she didn’t have one or the other and he said just have them. I know bad mom we should of had this talk by now probably but he is him and not on level with other kids his age. He is starting to come around to where we need to have that talk I know.

But anyway I think that my mom thinks that Ii just needed to do things like she did and never tell Little Bitty or anyone else that RC is her dad. Like she didn’t tell my brother and let everyone and him think my dad was his dad. Well everyone but family and they all kept it a secret all that time. I am shocked that none of the family let it out of the bag way before she did. But things are way different with me and Little Bitty, her dad and Father of the Year. I was not with Father of The Year had not been for almost a year at the time I met RC. We have never been back together as a couple since then and have not tried to work it out or wanted to work it out. So why would I give her his last name and let her think that is her dad? And if nothing else she has a right to know who her real dad is no matter what. It is then up to her what she wants to do with that information. If she wants to one dad try and find him and meet him fine I am all for it and will help her. If she don’t care to find him and meet him or try to that is fine too. If he comes around and wants to have a relationship with her and she is old enough to understand and wants to ok if she don’t that is ok too. If he was to come around tomorrow and want to see her meet her have a relationship with her and be a dad that would be fine too we would work on that. Because they both have the right to have that relationship if they want to. It isn’t for my mom, my ex, my friends, other family or kids to say if she can or can’t if she should or shouldn’t. It isn’t for me to say she should or shouldn’t. That is there right. Was what he done right? No is how things have been for her because of it these last 4 years right? Not at all. Do people fuck up and make mistakes? They sure do. Should they be punished for them from now on no not if they are stepping up admitting to them and trying to fix things.

But I think that is her problem she don’t want him to ever be able to come in the picture and have anything to do with her. She don’t think I should ever ask for a dime of support and she don’t think that I should ever bring him up or tell her anything about him. It pisses her off that I am not doing what she says. Thinking about it while writing this I think that is why she made it a point to bring me money the other day when they called and were out front and she seen my hair. She keeps asking if I need money or need anything. When I went to get the money she said she split what she had left with me to make sure I had money in case we needed anything she didn’t want me to not have any money. I just shrugged my shoulders at her as I was walking around the truck because I already told her I didn’t need it I had a little bit and had all that we needed. I was aggravated because I know Friday I will be hearing how she needs her money back and be wanting it out of what he gives me. I don’t have it, I have a water bill that needs paid so it don’t go off and I have rent that needs paid so it isn’t late. I don’t want to keep borrowing if I don’t have to and have to owe out. I am trying to get everything and everyone paid off so that I can get on track and start saving. Living this way cost a lot more than being able to do it without borrowing.

But I bet she is thinking that the other month I went and done anything and everything that I could think of to get the money to pay things here and take care of what I needed to. She knows that we are scrapping by to get to next month and I am trying to find a job. But that didn’t matter before, she just call and say their bills need paid, he spent money on this or that and paid this or that and gave her money back so he don’t have any and she don’t know what we are going to do. I love how she needed paid back right away when all her bills and rent are being paid she has money in her pocket but she needed paid back right away what he borrowed form her. His kids could just wait until whenever he gets it and can do without. But then the last few weeks she has been making sure whatever I tell him needs taken care of gets taken care of and that I have a little money to get gas or soap or whatever we might need. While writing this I thought I bet she is worried I will go down and file papers and go after RC for child support. I couldn’t before because even though Father of the Year is no on the birth certificate because we were married they said he was responsible and would not go after her dad at all even though no one was paying anything for her. Something was said about Father of the Year paying support when I was talking to her and she said something about him paying it on all of them or for all of them. Then she said no he is only paying for the three of them and changed the subject kind of quick. I bet then she though oh the divorce is done now she can go down and go after him and if she can’t find a job soon and make it she will to get that to help with her and what she needs. She don’t want that for anything so she is probably trying to figure every what way to make sure what needs paid here gets paid and we have a little money.

I got news for her I don’t care what she does when I get ready I will be going down and filing against him for support. He should be paying and he will be. Just like now there are things I would like to do for her that I can’t because I have to pay everything else. If I was working then I would be able to take the money he has to give me and do the things I want to do for her and let her do the things I want to. Just like if I am working or have my part to cover the bills I am able to use what Father of the Year gives me and do things for the other kids. I just haven’t went down there right now because I have had school to worry about and I am trying to decide if I want to go to child support enforcement or file through the court. Right now I think the cheapest way for me to go is through child support enforcement but at the same time I think it will take forever for them to do anything. Most people it takes years. So I could go through the court faster. But then if they want dna test and things like that I don’t have the money to get them. I think I will go to child support and see what they say then if it seems like it is going to be no help or take forever I will go to the court house and file myself. Also if I go to court they are going to set times he can see her and take her and things like that. I really don’t think he is going to but he may. If I go to child support enforcement then they are just going to set up child support and tell him to take me to court if he wants to see her. If he wants to take me to court then he has to come here and take me to court because this is where she lives. I know he isn’t going to do that.

But yeah that is her thing with all this and what she thinks I should have done and what she wants to happen. She thinks that this is all 18just no big deal just lie to her her whole life and never tell her or wait until she is over 18 and tell her. That just screams problems from then on just like her and my brother. She says she don’t know what is wrong with him but I do and I know the fact that everyone lied to him all that time and then she told him the way she did and why she did he is not happy about it. It is years later but that isn’t something that just goes away or gets better. I am not going to ruin my relationship with my kid over one lie that there is no reason to tell to start with. If it was me and I was told that I would not want a relationship with that person anymore or feel I could trust them or that they had my best interest in mind or anything else ever again. That would be one of them things for me would be a your cut off out of my life from now on from here on out no going back. I don’t care what your reason is for it or how sorry you are now. I can see Little Bitty being the same way when she is older she is to much like me and her dad and we are both the same way.

Let me just say I know that blood don’t mean anything when it comes to being a parent or not being a parent. My dad took care of my brother just as if he was his and just the same as he did me. He did not have to do that but he did he was a father not by blood but by choice. That is fine but my brother still had a right to know. If me and Father of the Year had tried to work things out and gotten back together and things worked out and he raised and took care of Little Bitty as his own that would have been fine as well. But she still would have had a right to know the truth long before she was 18 or older. Just as if I ever get with someone and we end up together from now on and if they were to become that father figure to her she will still know the truth. Because again it is her right to know and it is better to be honest with her from the be gaining than lie for years and then tell her. I am not saying in any way it is wrong for someone else to take on a child that is no their own and raise it as their own, I know a lot of guys who have and a lot of women who have and it is a great thing when they can have that bond with that child. But it is important that child knows the same truth everyone else knows not live a lie all their life and then find out. Because no matter how much that child loves that other person and that relationship between them may not change, it changes things in that child and for that child and it affects them the rest of their life. Knowing their other parent isn’t in the picture and not knowing them or only meeting them will have an effect on that child as well but that child has all their life growing up to process that and deal with that and to figure that out along with your help if need be. once they are an adult and they find this out your relationship with them has been forever changed rather they admit it to you or not and now they are dealing with that and the in formation you just dumped on them. and now they are doing it on their own. I also think that this is part of the reason my brother drank the way he did for a while there. Because it was right after he found that out he started and he was out of control for a while. Again I don’t wan that with and for my child.

{August 15, 2015}   20 Day Count Down Begins

Father of the year has been at his if I would just give him another chance blah blah again the other night he started texting me out of no where. How things weren’t his fault and how he tried and is trying. Telling me how I changed, I settled, oh and my favourite I threw us away first chance I got.

If I got out the first chance I had or first reason I could find, I would have left when I fought with him for two years to get me and our daughter our own place to live so we weren’t living with someone else. And we had our 2 nd on the way.

He started about me seeing other people after he moved out and I slept with someone else then dated someone. How that didn’t say much about me. Yeah you know what I did have a “friend” for a short time and then I met some one and had a relationship. I don’t see anything wrong with that at all. He knew I was done he had his chance to fix things and keep us together. I went to counselling with him and everything else. There was nothing left. Dose he really think that if I really had feelings for him that in the last 3 years I wouldn’t have given him another chance or at least fucked him once in a while since I’m not seeing anyone else. Hell why not he is still my husband since he stopped the divorce. How many years dose someone have to not have anything at all to do with you before you realise they really don’t have any feelings or anything for you? I mean really, how many people going to be in the situation that we have been for this long and have nothing to do with them if they had feelings for them? Look how much he tries it be to easy to just say ok. Then he says I miss you, I miss being close to you and being intimate with you. I said yeah that’s what you miss the sex. He said no it’s more than that. Couldn’t come up with anything else that didn’t come back to sex. Like I told him only time he wants to talk to me is when he wants sex. Got to where it was the same when we were together, he come home from work not speak to me all night high how are you, how was your day, how are kids, kiss my ass nothing. But then soon as we were both in bed he pawing all over me and pushing me to have sex.

Then he says how I’m just itching to have the party life and that is all that seems to matter to me. I have no clue what he is talking about there. Anyone I know can tell you I have my kids with me 24/7 and even when they go with him once in a while I am sitting at home doing the same stuff I always do. Once in a great while I may go out. If I go out once or twice a year alone even if just to dinner it is a lot. Because I am always home and doing stuff with the kids.

He started how I was cold hearted and put up a wall with the kids. Because I have been getting onto them and trying to get them back on track. They don’t want to do anything they are told. They don’t want to help around the house and things. He complains about it all the time but dose nothing to try and change it.

Then it was how he don’t feel good and how I attack him for not helping. I had said something earlier in the day about him not paying support or helping make sure the kids have what they need.

Then he started ignoring me and telling me he was sleepy and had to get some sleep and drive the truck. Give me his famous we will talk about it later. Because he didn’t want to answer my questions or hear what I had to say. I said yeah later like every other time you say later. No really we will. Well its been a few days and we haven’t talked yet. I brought it up the other day when I seen him I got the I have to work I need to do this and I’m not avoiding it, excuse after excuse. I said it don’t matter, I just wanted to point out that yet again you say later and later hasn’t come like all the other times you say that didn’t happen.

I said well here I am having my say why your here and you can’t say you didn’t get my message, didn’t understand, wasn’t sure what I was talking about or whatever excuse you may come up with. Because I am going to spell it out make it very clear right now and I am not going to bring it up later I just going to sit and wait and do what I decide to do in the end.

I told him that he has until next Wednesday to get the papers form the court house fill them out and turn them back in. Then he has 15 days from there to get in contact with them and have a court date. He is off next Tuesday and Wednesday so he has two days to get there get them and get them back. Then they tell you to wait at least 10 days to call and get a court date.

I told him if he dose not get the papers turned in to start the 10 process by then I will get a lawyer, if he dose and thinks that is all he is going to do and not have to worry about it and it will slid for ever again he is wrong. Because if it goes past 15 days I will start looking for a lawyer.

I told him it isn’t anyone’s fault but his that he screwed up at work and had 2 or 3 accidents that he is paying for, it isn’t anyone’s fault that he lost his position because of them, that it isn’t anyone’s fault he don’t have his license straight, money to put his truck on the road, pay his own bills, or that he isn’t helping make sure that his kids have the things they need. It isn’t anyone’s fault that but his that he has put us in the position of possibly losing our home again, that it isn’t anyone’s fault he hasn’t followed through with what we agreed upon from day one when we were supposed to split the bills work different shifts and let us both save money get jobs so that we wouldn’t have to pay daycare and so that we both could get our own places. He did the things he did and he did them the way he did for whatever reason and now he has to live with that. That it is time to grow up be a man and quit blaming everything on someone else. I also told him it wasn’t anyone’s fault that he stopped the divorce and has not fixed it like he was supposed to. That is when I told him if he didn’t I was getting a lawyer.

I told him that I am having to take loans and go into debt to make it and slide by because he isn’t doing his part. That if I was going to take out loans to do that then I was going to be taking out extra this time to pay a lawyer to get this done and over with once and for all, that he let this drag out until now we been married well over 12 years. That if I have to pay a lawyer to once again clean up his mess he has made and left for someone else to take care of I was going to see to it that I got paid for doing it. I told him I am going to tell the lawyer I want anything and everything me and the kids are entitled to and the judge will give us. I’m not going to play nice and say just help me make sure the kids have what they need and things are paid or help out here and there when we need it, or just pay child support and forget everything else. I did that and look where it has gotten me.

He didn’t say anything he just had this look on his face like he was stunned that I said it and worried, like he knows I really mean it and going to do it if he don’t get it taken care of. He knows right now I can get the money and if he had to pay for a lawyer he wouldn’t be able to so he would be in court on his own. He knows that his family has had changes in their situations and most likely can’t and would’t help him. Right now I have the upper hand and I plan to use it if he decides to ignore it and hope that it goes away.

et cetera
%d bloggers like this: