I Told My Sister

I don’t know if it was Christmas eve or a day or two before, but me and my sister were talking on the phone while shopping. We were calling back and forth having each other look for thing’s we couldn’t find and trying to see what to get each other’s kids.

I don’t know how it came up but I ended up telling her about JW. I just told her I hadn’t told the kids and things yet. I told her we (well I was) were waiting to see how things went if it was going to be something or not. Then this covid crap happen and everything. That I was going to have to tell them soon.

She didn’t seem to sure at first, I told her that January would be a year for us. How he has been there for me and helped me. He got someone to tow me off 95 when I broke down. He got me the Christmas tree last year when I was going to have to go late after work. How he helps anyway he can. How good he is with the kids and wants to do things with them and be that guy in their life. Or that father figure. How he is excited for them to know talks about all he wants to do with them. But he understands why I haven’t told them and he is okay with it.

She wasn’t saying much but I could tell she was thinking. She said but what about this or that I told her. She asked if he had kids. I told her yes they are grown. She said how old is he? I told her only 42 she said oh okay. We talked a little more she seem to think it was good. The way she talked.

Today I called her why we were out to take and drop off the kids gifts and pick up mail. She said come in about an hour they were getting ready to eat. So we stopped by. He got out was helping me get their stuff out and give her. We stood there and talked for about an hour. I told her that I was not renewing my lease and that I was not taking her mother with me. I just told her no one knew yet but I wasn’t going to be staying around here. I wasn’t taking her with me. I told her we were looking at moving up by his kids. I told her rents here are crazy and I can’t afford to live here.

She understood she has been renting the same place longer than I have mine by about 3 years. She is worried they are going to rise her rent or tell her she has to move. She is only paying $825 i think she said. She is in a two bedroom condo. The ones around her are going for $1200. When I told her I could get a decent 3 bedroom house for that in January and now they are getting that for a 2 bedroom condo. That decent 3 bedroom houses are going for $1500 to $1600. She was shocked.

Later I called to see how the kids liked their gifts. And I thought of it ask her what the kids said about JW? They didn’t come out with this covid stuff and her baby and things. We had mask on and stood away from each other. But I said to her they will be asking granny who the guy was with me. She said no she told them and told them it was a secret for now. It should be okay they kept the secret about a new baby until my sister told. I didn’t either so I know she won’t say anything either.

We got there she seen my necklace I went over showed her. She looked then when I got closer she said oh wow that’s, that’s nice where did you get that or who got you that? I told her he got it for me for my birthday. She wasn’t sure what to say. She just looked at him surprised said really? I said yeah. He just smiled. She isn’t use to me having nice things like that unless it was stuff my dad gave me or a few things I got on ebay at a good price. Father of the year never bought me nice things like that. For no longer than we have been together for him to get me something like that. The fact that he could get me something like that and just do it not think anything of it. She had ask me the other night when we were talking if he had a job. I had just told her but she didn’t hear me. I told her yes he works 6 days a week over 60 hours a week. She said oh.

After she met him and we all talked today I think she liked him. I think she wasn’t sure what to think when we were talking the other night. She was young when me and Father of the year got together. She honestly never did like him would not stay if I wasn’t there even if the kids or others were there. I don’t think she ever met RC. She knows how things ended up with that. She don’t know why but when he isn’t around for 8 years what is anyone going to think of someone, you know.

I told him the other night I told her. He said told her what? I told him about him about us. He said really? What did she say? I told him not much really. He said she is going to say something won’t she? I said no she isn’t like that. He said oh okay. He seemed glad I had told her.

I showed her pictures of the cat’s was telling her about them. She asked who’s they were his? I told her no the one was mine. She just laughed. Asked where he was? I told her at his house. That I was kind of living between the two places. He told her I had stayed with him when I wasn’t here they thought I was at Bff’s house. He said yeah 6 or 8 months. I said 2. He was joking around. She seemed to like him. That is good.

Seen JW Today

I went over to JW’s house like I do every Sunday so we could do what we needed to do. He was just getting dressed when I got there. He said he was about to walk up to the little store to get coffee. He finished getting dressed said he had been up for a few hours. It was 11 something when I got there. I would of went earlier but normally he likes to sleep in and is still laying down when I get there at 11. He said the cats ran all over him and woke him up. He fell a sleep on the couch.

We got his stuff together and loaded up. I told him we would toss the stuff in to wash then go get coffee. I was sitting there on the couch and went to get up. He said oh yeah I almost forgot. He picked something up off the table. It was in a black bag. He said he was sorry he didn’t get to wrap it. He was so wore out when he got home the night before I couldn’t blame him. I opened the bag and pulled out what was inside. I sat back down on the couch. I was surprised. I open the box and there was a gold necklace with little diamonds all the way around it. I was very shocked. I took it out and was trying to put it on but couldn’t get it on. He sat beside me and help me put it on.

I wrote Look What I Got back in February. A month or so after we got together. He gave me the heart necklace back then. It was similar it had one side with CZ on it and it was silver in color. You can see a picture in the post. Well I got lectured by Little Bitty about wearing it in the shower. She said I was going to ruin it and mess it up. Well I guess After 11 months of wearing it 24\7 took its toll on it. It started turning and tarnished. I tried to clean it when I was staying with him and I think it made it worse. A week or two a go I took the charm off and put it on my keychain. I didn’t want to mess it up more.

I didn’t even know he noticed, he never said anything about me not wearing it. Today he said he was trying to decide what to get and he was thinking about earrings but didn’t know what I would wear or if I would. He hasn’t seen me wear any. I don’t wear them much. I lost one of the ones the kids gave me I use to wear.

I guess his friend said something about a necklace. He told him I had the one he gave me before but I hadn’t wore it in awhile. The chain kept getting messed up he thought it broke. He said he was going to walk to the shop by work but they were closed. So his friend went to the other one. He told him what to get. He couldn’t go with him because they both couldn’t leave work at the same time. He sent him some pictures he told him what one to get. It is so nice the picture really isn’t a good one. I can’t get a good one with the lighting. I will get a better one tomorrow. But I couldn’t wait to tell you all what he got me.

I will try to post a better picture tomorrow.

After we done laundry we went to the mall. My mom and the kids gave me money for my Birthday. They wanted me to find something. For myself I wanted. I do not normally shop at the mall there aren’t many stores a lot have closed and others are over priced. But I like to shop Sears and JCPenney’s. They have good sales some times. When I was in Penney’s right before Christmas they had some really good deals. I got my mom a $75 purse for $12. It was on sale half price then marked clearance.

I found a really nice sweater for work. It freezes in there almost year round. I wear my jacket but it isn’t comfortable. It is bulky. I had been looking at some at wal mart but they were thin, they had holes coming in them and had hoods on them. They were $15 to $20. I got this one for $25 it was on sale and I used their coupon I found on their site brought to half price. It was $50 to start with it is much nicer than what I had been looking at in the other store.

Again lighting is horrible it is messed up I forgot to buy a new one today.

I had a little bit of money left I wanted to go to this store by the house to see if I could find a outfit, purse shirt or something. It is in a plaza with other stores. As we were going past one he said he wanted to run in this one store why I went to the other he would come find me when he was done. I stopped and let him get out and went on to the other store. He came and found me in a little bit. We walked down to Tractor Supply.

We were walking around in there and he said my Christmas gift was in the truck. He was looking there to see if they had them there or not. He looked around and said no.

By now I am confused because like I said yesterday he wasn’t making since about needing to order but now got them at the other store. I asked him how did he find them if he had looked all over and had to order them? If they were at that store why he didn’t just get them? He said he got different ones or something like that. Oh I said to him he said he was ordering them yesterday why would he buy them now? He said they were different and he was going to order them tomorrow he wanted to look why we were out today.

We got outside he said my gift was in the back of the truck I had to come back there so he could show me What he got. I went to look he got me gnomes. One lights up say’s welcome then one that stands alone. They are cute.

He said he found some at Lowe’s but they had to be ordered. He said one was reading a book one was hunting or had a gun like he was. He said you like guns and to read a gnomes I thought it would be perfect. But they had been to a bunch of places and couldn’t find them they were order only. He was going to order them tomorrow but he had spent more than planned on the necklace so he was hoping to find them somewhere else. Then he found those today. I do like them. He could of just gave me the necklace for my birthday and Christmas he didn’t have to do that. The necklace is very nice and I know cost a little bit. I sure was not thinking that he was looking for gnomes. I can’t believe he remembered something like that and would think to get something like that.

After he gave me the necklace we were talking and I told him he didn’t have to do that or spend that much or something like that. He said you don’t know me very well. I wanted to do it and was able to. I love you.

He Got Me Something

About 12:30 he sent me a massage all excited telling me he got me something. I had fallen a sleep so I got it about an hour later. I said ok and that I told him not to worry about it. He never said anything until a few minutes ago when I asked him something. He hasn’t said anymore about it.

I didn’t get up to rush up there to get it I probably won’t get it until tomorrow when we go shopping. I don’t feel like getting ready and going out just for that. He is at work anyway so I won’t get to see him long anyway. I could go after he gets off but that won’t be until 8 tonight. I am truly in no rush to go get it. I am surprised he hasn’t said anything about coming to get it or so he can give it to me. If he does I am going to tell him I will get it tomorrow.

He was in no hurry to get it why should I be. I am not in a good mood today not because of this. I am in a shitty mood because of how things are with the bitch. I wish I was working today and not here. Can’t wait until Monday. I don’t have to be here and around her. Oh and he hasn’t said anymore about having to order “them” whatever “them” are. Who knows what he is doing or has done. All I really wanted no one wants or will get so.

I Feel Like I Am Wrong For How I Feel

This pretty much sums it up what JW done when it came to Christmas shopping. Well not for everyone just me I should say. This what has been bothering me for a bit now. At the same time feel it shouldn’t bother me and I am wrong because it does.

I started shopping weeks ago for Christmas. Like right after Thanksgiving. I picked up a lot of Little Bites stuff why we were grocery shopping. I have looked here and there for stuff each week. One weekend we went all over looking for stuff. Pawn shops, malls and other random stores. So he got to places and was able to shop. He picked up his gift for his family’s get together. He picked up a gift for the guy at works kid, his self and something for the dog.

What did I get for Christmas and/or my Birthday? Nothing at all. I was told he couldn’t shop because I am always with him when he gets to go. I told him many times if you want to shop go shop. I am not going to follow you call me or find me when you are done. I even go wait in the truck most likely because I only needed a few things or to check for something quick. He never did. He could of ask the guy at work to take him but didn’t. He said the guy at work was looking when he want shopping and went a few places. He told me at one point I could probably get them here but I don’t know where to find them. I said I am sure if you ask someone they can get it or tell you were in the store to find it. He says yeah true but i didn’t bring money with me. He keeps saying he has to order it but it was to late to get it before Christmas but he didn’t order it so it would be here by today or early next week. He is waiting to order it. But then if he can get it at the store why didn’t they just do that? I don’t know what is going on with it. He keeps saying he can’t find “them” I thought I may know what he was talking about even made a comment about seeing some at X store that night. I was going to buy them for my gift from the kids. But I had already spent more than I should of so I didn’t. I just said I had seen them and that was what I was going to do. But didn’t because I already spent money. He could of went got it or called his friend he has looking run and pick it up. The store is at the end of his block.

Then Christmas Eve he say’s yeah I am going to have to get you something Saturday and order your other things. Before it was he was getting these things whatever they are. Now it is he has to get some stuff at the store and order these things. If he was going to get stuff at the store why didn’t he just get it before? Why wait until after Christmas? I told him not to worry about it. He was like no I have to get you something.

My feelings on all of it was I was a little upset or disappointed.

I run my ass off to make Christmas nice for the kids and I want to don’t get me wrong. Normally they ask for money and to go shopping and get me something. This year being how it is I did all the shopping. I even bought their gifts to trade between each other for them. I picked up a couple books for myself because the little ones get upset if mom don’t have a gift. So i bought them wrapped them and put them under the tree. That is what I got. I am okay with that.

I was upset or bothered by what JW done because, I had all that to do and done it and still took the time to find him something nice. Track it down take time from work to go get it and everything. Get him something I know he could use and needed. He does nothing. It is Christmas and my Birthday and he does nothing. Oh I couldn’t find it i have to go to the store blah blah. It feels like an after thought or something I don’t know how to explain it. I know he is going to say he has to go get me something or order it again. I just want to tell him forget it everything is over with. I am sure he say he still wants to get me something i just want to tell him it isn’t the same now. I feel like I am wrong for feeling that way and that I shouldn’t say anything at all about it. At the same time I feel like I should. I feel like if he really tried and wanted to he could of had something in time. I know he had the money that wasn’t an issue.

I think he does care and he does love me. I do him and it isn’t about getting something back. But you know some times it is nice to be included in the holidays and feel like someone wanted to make you feel you were.

I keep thinking about when I was with father of the year how I would go out of my way to find him nice stuff and things he would like. He wouldn’t get me anything or if he did it be some little something he grabbed for a couple dollars so he could say he got something. No thought or effort put into it at all. How his family was the same way we would shop had to get his family nice stuff even if I didn’t buy for mine or have the money to do it. They would spend $100’s on him and hand me a candle from the $1 place or something.

I don’t know what to think or how to feel about what JW done. But I am hurt. I don’t know if it is just a guy thing they don’t see it as a big deal when they get it they run out of time or what. But then I know of a lot of guys that would of had something no matter what. Just like I made sure I had something for him. I just tell myself this is just how it is or going to be. At least I am happy and he is better about other things. I feel like just don’t expect anything at the holidays and why should it bother me that much it is no different than any other time. I feel like now I know how it is going to be I know not to go out of my way to get him stuff either then because it don’t matter. I feel like I am wrong for feeling that way.

I am stuck between feeling like I am living the past all over and this isn’t the same. This one is completely different than father of the year. Just not good with gifts or what. I am use to it so why does it bother me so much now? I guess I just want to feel he cares and not just be like its okay because I am use to it. It makes me question everything then. I don’t like feeling this way. I feel like I need that extra from him to make me feel that everything is okay. I hate feeling that way because I never did before. Like I said in my post I Don’t Like The Person They Have Turned Me Into I think it all comes down to that. I feel wrong for expecting more from him because of what someone else has done. Why should I it is my issues so just live with it it is what it is. Things are good enough. But I don’t want to feel things are just good enough. So how do I fix it without expecting more out of him? Why is it wrong for me to want him to go that extra for me if that is what I need and he cares? But how far extra should he have to go because of me and my issues?

I hate being so confused about how I feel and why. Or about what I want/need and what I feel about him and if I should or shouldn’t expect it from him?

Merry Christmas

I hope you and your family had a nice Christmas this year.

We just did our gifts about an hour ago. The kids are happy with their gifts and are in there playing. Wasn’t what I wanted but I am glad they are happy. JW was supposed to stay the night and have Christmas with us before going to his family’s. But she started her shit again I don’t want him deal with it.

I went over to his house last night to finish wrapping the kids things. We got something to eat before we got started. I hung out with him for a while. We got something to eat before we started wrapping. Then we jumped in and got it done. We finished around 11.

With it being so late I knew he was going to his family’s early afternoon wouldn’t get back until this evening. I wasn’t sure if or when we would get to see each other. So I went ahead and gave him his gifts to open.

He was surprised I got him a new backpack. He really liked the one I picked out. I showed him the other and he said he liked that one. He liked it has a lot of pockets to keep things in. The night before I went to the store and I found a Christmas ornament with his dog on it. I picked it up. When I got home that night after shopping I found some robes I bought awhile ago and had put up. I took one of them out for him.

They are new with tags, I got them when they were on sale and put up for gifts later. I forgot about them. I figured he may like one. He liked all of his gifts. I think he was shocked really. He kept saying he couldn’t believe I got him a new backpack. He said something about it and I said I know have you looked at the price of them lately? You can’t find anything nice or decent for less than like $200.

He got this look and said what and you better of not of paid $200 for that for me. I didn’t tell him how much it was. He just keep saying you better of not spent $200 on that. I just said I found one I liked at a price I was okay with. He said it again a few more times as I was getting ready and leaving. I just laughed at him and went home.

I am glad I gave him his stuff late-night we didn’t get to see each other today. Things didn’t go as planned here. He didn’t get home until much later than normal.

I have been so tired today. I don’t know what is wrong with me. I think it being so cold out has a big part of why. I am always sleepy when it is cold or raining. It was in the mid 40’s last night. It is going to be in the 30’s tonight. Mid 50’s for high today and tomorrow. I could just sleep until Monday not care.

The Kids Were Thrilled

Christmas morning the kids got up and of course couldn’t wait to open their gifts. We started out letting them open what they had gotten each other first then I gave them the gifts I got them. I knew once they got the ones I got I would probably lose them and I wanted them to really take time to see what they got from each other and enjoy it and talk. They said they wanted to save the big one for last as well. I felt kind of bad because it looked like Little Bitty got a lot more and nicer than what they had gotten but she really didn’t. She got I technically 3 gifts from me not one. But all of hers cost less than their one big gift. I didn’t intend for it to end up with her with three but I bought one of the horse sets for her because she got them all but that one from the other kids. They didn’t have enough for it and it was over their budget. If two had bought it for her she wouldn’t of gotten other sets. I was planing on doing things different when I bought it. Plus Mr. 9 had enough to buy two sets. But no one really noticed. No one said anything they were happy she got things she really wanted.

Then I gave them their gifts and they were so thrilled and excited. The looks on their faces really were priceless. I took the boys and stuck cardboard in the bottom of a gift box you would put clothes in and stuck the game system and controllers in it. I took oldest lap top and stuck it in a medium to small size gift bag. I would of never guessed what was in either box or thought for a minute that was what would be in them. I don’t think they did either. Oldest thought the bag hers was in was a bag for someone else. I told her to grab it I had something for someone I needed to put in it. I knew she would like the bag it was real pretty had a horse on it.

Mr. 9’s face when he seen the puppet that he wanted was great as well. He carried it around and played with it off and on all day and showed my sister and them when they came over. The things he has made it do already oh boy I am kind of scared to see what else he comes up with.

Little Bitty said they were sold out of the horses the other day how did you get these? Mr.9 said because we were smart and bought them weeks before that when we first seen them to make sure you got them. She said that was so nice thank you. When she seen her tablet she said this is for me? Then when we went to bed last night I said we can watch our show on it and it will be a bigger screen than my phone. She said okay but I will hold it because I don’t want you to drop it. I said I won’t and we are on the bed so it will be okay. She said no I will hold it and keep it safe. We watched two shows then she was ready to go to sleep. She kept watching to see how charged it was and telling me I think it needs to be charged. I had to explain to her that you should leave it until it was dead then charge it and not play with it why it was charging and let it charge up all the way before using it again.

Mr. 14 seemed a little upset my mother said I told you he wanted a laptop he is mad she got one and he didn’t. I knew that wasn’t it at all. I thought maybe because it seemed that Little Bitty got more than they did. I had to run out and when I got back we went outside and talked for a minute. I asked him what was wrong he said he didn’t get the Lego sets he wanted. My mother told him she was going to get one and then didn’t. I asked him if he wanted a laptop if he was upset about that? He said no I hadn’t really thought about one in a while. I explained that you know the game cost a lot and the lap top cost so much that I thought he would rather have the game than the lap top and that we could get him one later if he needed or wanted one. He said no he would much rather have the game. He just thought he was getting the other things and didn’t. He really wanted them as well. I told him maybe later he could get them with his money or when I got some more we could get them. Once I get past the first few months here and if they make Father of the Year pay me I should have money to get them things here and there more than we have been. I’m still not going to buy them things all the time or what. But it would be nice to get them things once in a while instead of saying I don’t have it or wait until your birthday or Christmas. I have thought about giving them an allowance or maybe splitting the money we spend on the weekend up between them and let them decide what to spend it on if they want to all go do something like we do or if they would rather stay home and save the money or get something with it.

The witch screwed up dinner again just like Thanksgiving of course. But it didn’t even really matter to me i didn’t care. We had a really good day other than dealing with her. No one was worried really cared when it came to dinner.

I am just glad that they were so happy and got something they really wanted.

Hanging Out and Catching Up

Saturday night I was out with the kids, we had went to dinner and stopped at a few stores to look around. We were in the craft store and for some reason I was looking at Facebook and seen a friend in suggested people you may know. I had not talk to them in a long time. Probably 5 years or so. Other than at the store how you doing a couple of times since then. We grew up together since were pretty little.

We use to be friends online before but I had noticed he had stop posting and not been on in a while. I am not sure we are even still friends. I sent him a friend request and he accepted almost right away and sent me a message.

We talked all evening catching up, what we had been up to, where we live now and things. Come to find out his best friend lives two houses away from me. Right outside the gate of the kids school. We can see each others houses from our front yards. He lives about a mile and half up the road from us.

He told me a few times that he was off the next day and that he was going over there and things. He asked what I was going to be doing? I told him I had to finish my Christmas shopping. I would be running around. He said something else. I asked him if he wanted to go with me? He said yes it would be nice to hang out and catch up. I told him what time I would be leaving my house and headed to his. We talked for a while still and finally stopped so we could get some sleep.

Sunday I got things I needed to do done and went over and picked him up. I headed up to one of the stores I needed to make sure I got to before they closed since they closed the earliest. Then I thought I hadn’t asked him if he had a time he needed to be home, where he needed to go since he had said he needed to do some last minute shopping as well. I asked him he laughed and said he didn’t really have a time to be back and he could get something where ever. He said he was just supposed to go to his friends house sometime that day but in no rush.

We talked and laughed all day and ran around shopping. He said he was hungry so we stopped he bought lunch. It was a nice day over all. I realized at some point it was later than I thought and asked him if he wanted me to drop him off at home or his friends house? I had a few other things I was going to go do. He said nope I’m in no hurry unless you want rid of me. I’m enjoying myself and the day, it’s been a long time since we hung out and got to catch up. He kept saying different times he was having a good time, and how nice it was hanging out.

He picked up a toy for his friends little girl why we were at one of the stores and the gift he needed for Christmas we stopped at his house for something and he took them in and dropped them off. He showed me his new place and was excited about it. He said he just got it October. He broke up with his girlfriend in September. His boss helped him find this place and get into it. It isn’t a million dollars like most things around here.

He had me drop him off at home and then went over to his friends later. He messaged me all evening and that night. I finally told him he better get off his phone and hangout with his friends. He said okay I’ll talk to you when I get home. I said okay. We have talked off and on all day since Saturday when he first messaged me. He tried to get me to go out with him and his friends Sunday night but I told him I had to do the tree with the kids and things. He said oh yeah he forgot.

Then Monday he asked me about the tree and I told him the Disaster I ended up with and that I was going shopping after work. That is when he went and done what he did.

We are going out for my birthday this evening when I get off at my night job. I am leaving at 9 tonight. He wants to go and I think Bff is going and maybe a few other friends. When I said something he was the first to respond and say he wanted to go.

Sunday night after I had dropped him off I thought of something and messaged him. I asked him if he remembered my birthday party when I was little and lived over on the other side of the neighborhood where I live now? Him and his brother spending the night and him having his skateboard. He said yes I was just learning to skateboard then. I asked if he remembered the fight we got into? He didn’t. I told him about it. I had his board in the street laying on it pushing myself around and he wanted it back and I wouldn’t give it back. He dumped me off of it in the street. Now we are in the street fighting over it. He had one set of wheels I had the other it was upside down. (I have told this on here before but can’t find it) I some how got it away from him and smacked him in the head with it pretty hard. I got my ass busted and sent to my room. He laughed and said no he didn’t remember that. I said probably because it wasn’t his party and he wasn’t the one that got his ass busted that time. Some of us was always getting our ass busted for something back then. He said sorry, I said your sorry I’m the one that smacked you in the head with a skateboard Lol.

I have enjoyed talking to him and hanging out. Like he said it was nice to catch up, vent and just have a relaxed day.

It’s nice to catch up and meet up with old friends. I had just been telling someone else a day or two before that, that I missed hanging out with old friends and not seeing them or talking to them like I use to when my older kids were little. That my kids missed growing up with their kids like they were. I just isolated us so much when everything got bad with Father of the year and after. I am going to try and put together a pot luck kind of thing at the park I think and invite everyone. Maybe try to plan something once a month or something for us all to get together or the ones that can. Maybe different places the kids can play and have fun sometimes other times just adult day or night out. get everyone back together again because a lot are saying they hardly see anyone as well or here and there or just a few. I think it will be nice.

Christmas Tree Disaster

It is now Christmas Eve and we just finished with putting the tree up. I started this post late Monday night early Tuesday morning. I went met him and got the tree Monday night after work.

 

We still have not put a tree up. We were going to Sunday evening and that blew up.

Little Bitty was all excited when I said it was time to put the tree up. She ran to my room and brought it out.

I opened the box and there was no tree. All that was in the box was a house, metal tree thing and few other odds and ends. But closed in the box it was just enough weight it felt like the tree. I figured he was probably looking for that stuff and has no idea where it is.

I go get the white tree from last year and parts were missing. We couldn’t even put the legs in it. I told them to toss it in the trash I would get one the next night on my way home.

Today Pops came in and I asked him if he was missing anything. He said he didn’t think so why? I told him what happen. He was shocked and confused. Then started telling me he was sorry he didn’t know. I laughed told him not to worry about it. He was upset.

In the meantime a friend knew we were going to put it up and asked about it. I told him what happen. He asked if I had got one later this after noon. I told him no I was going to stop at the stores on the way home last night.

He said let him see what he could do. I told him I would take care of it he didn’t have to do that. He just got his own place and he is trying to get things and a car. I knew he didn’t have away to run all over.

Well tonight about 8 p.m. he sent me a picture of a Christmas tree. He said I had to work some magic but got you one. He said it isn’t the one you wanted (before I knew what he was doing I told him about the one I was looking for) you can take it back but it’s all I could get.

I said no it’s great I wasn’t sure I would even find what I was looking for. I am just happy to have one at this point. I told him thank you and ask him how much it was. He said nothing it is yours I am happy to help. I told him I would come by after work. He said a friend he knew from work came in he told her he needed a tree and ask her to run up the street to the store and find one. She ended up at the big store before she found it. I gave him a hug told him thank you again.

He said I know you work a lot and trying, this keeps you from having to run around all night after work in the cold. I’m glad to do it.

I am so thankful, I was so tired and truly didn’t want to go to the store. It was nice to have someone do something so simple for me as run and find that and get it. Even if I paid for it. It just takes something off my to do list and that never happens unless I have done it.

We were talking about it and he said I like to see you smile and if I could do that and help make you smile I’m happy. Mind you have not seen or spoken to this friend in years. That is another post.

 

I Think I Pulled It Off

I think I may have pulled off a nice Christmas for once for the kids. Now I am trying to be made to feel that I am in the wrong or doing the wrong thing.

The boys have asked and asked for a Ps4 for their birthday and or Christmas for the last few years. I just haven’t had it. I went and got one yesterday for them to share. It is costing me more than I wanted but it will be worth it to see their faces.

I then went and bought my oldest a laptop. It is used but it is between a $500/$600 laptop I got for $225. I have a 6 month warranty on it. I got the extra controller for the PlayStation. I put those two things on layaway I am going to pick them up Friday or Monday before work.

For Little Bitty I am getting the 7 in Kindle Fire and a kidkraft stable. The kids got her a bunch of the Royal Breed horses. We went to the store where they had them over the weekend and they were sold out of the horse sets she wanted. She was so disappointed. She said oh they are all gone I really wanted those, I was going to have Heart Land now how am I going to have a heart Land? That is our show we watch when we are home at night. We snuggle in bed and watch it on my phone when I am off or there is no school the next day and she is up when I get home from work. She is going to be super excited when she opens everything Christmas.

My mom is mad because I wouldn’t go in with her to buy them Chromebooks. I don’t want the Chromebooks. My oldest wants to save things and do her school work and things on it. She needs space to save stuff and do things. Mr. 14 hasn’t said anything about wanting a laptop in a while. I figure the Ps4 will be good because the boys both really want it and that will give Mr. 9 something to play on while Little Bitty plays on her tablet and oldest on her laptop. Then Mr. 14 can use the computer to do his school work. I can work on getting him a laptop after the first of the year if i find he needs one or still wants one. I didn’t have enough to buy them all laptops or the two laptops and then get Mr. 9 something as nice right now as well. I think this way they all get something they really want and that is nice. She says I need to give Mr. 14 more incentive to do his school work and he is going to feel that I don’t care about him because he has been asking her for a laptop or if he is going to get one to when they have have been talking about things. But I think that is because he knows she will not buy him the Ps4 or something like that. He knows she buys my oldest nice things and spends money on her and don’t buy them as nice of things or get them things at all a lot of times. He isn’t dumb he see’s it. My oldest even said she don’t want her to buy her anything anyway because she uses it holds it over her to get her to do things she wants or try to get her to. One reason I wasn’t going to go together with her on anything. Because when she starts that it is going to be a big fight. This way they have what they want if she starts about what she buys them if she does at this point then who cares they aren’t going to be to worried because they are going to have what they really wanted and will use the most.

I only got them each the one really nice thing other than Little Bitty I got her the stable and the tablet but that is because even the two together come to a lot less than what I am spending on the other three. I told oldest hers is her birthday and Christmas and she was fine with that. Most years I try to set a side x amount for each kid and try to find something nice a bigger gift and a few small to go with it. Because things have been so tight. This year I wanted to get them what they really wanted if I could. Even though I am spending a little less on her she still is getting nice things that she wants and doing it this way helps everyone get nice things they really want. They all are getting the one gift from me and then the gifts they got each other. Since I decided to do things the way I have. Most times they get about 3 to 4 gifts. But I really think they are going to like this much more. I may try to find them a game if I get a few minutes have a couple dollars extra this week. Oldest wants a batman game but I don’t know if she would rather have it on the computer or on the Ps4 so I am going to check and see. I figured the $10 monthly thing will give them something to try it out Christmas and then from there I will take them to get a game when I am off again or in a couple weeks. I will see what she wants and do that.

Father of the Year promised to help buy laptops over two years ago before he pulled his stink and disapeared and they were asking for a play station then as well. They know I try and do what I can but they don’t under stand fully why I can never seem to get them the nicer things they want when I work so much and gone so much. They shouldn’t have to all the time. we all fully know what Christmas is about and understand but for once I want to get them things that will really get used they really like and not something just because it’s Christmas we all go through the motions of at least they have something to unwrap even if they only play with it twice and don’t touch it again.

The Most Miserable Time of Year

I am in a horrible mood this afternoon, of course everyone has decided to come to work now instead of this morning. I feel like I just want to cry. I jumped up and went to the bathroom when they got here because I was about to then. Trying to detract myself so that I don’t but it is hard. This time of the year is so full of bad times and awful memories and no matter how hard I say I am going to make it better this year and change that it never seems to happen. I feel sick to my stomach right now and my head is starting to hurt from being so upset. On top of it all the bitch had to call me at work and start.

I got into it last night with my oldest over things. It was pretty ugly, I feel bad for that. It is her fault and the bitches fault. They are all listening to her and everything is a mess. I’m tired of working my ass off and dealing with all the bullshit and them doing everything she says and not listening when she has no fucking say at all. So then we end up fighting because they get mad I am mad because they are not listening and the bitch has to get in and put her two cents in. But like I told my oldest I am working my ass off trying to hold everything together keep a place and everything else give them what they need and a little of what they want. But it is coming down to the point that it is putting our place to live in jeopardy the things they are doing. If we have to move from here then I can’t get us into anywhere else. Others may not even want to rent to us. I finally just told her keep it up if we end up homeless they will take them away and send them to live with their dad. They would have no one to blame but their self and her.

I also told her I worked to hard to keep a place and do all this, if that happens that is where they will stay no matter what. Not coming back once I get settled again. I’m not going to be done that way because they don’t want to listen. They don’t listen do what they want they live with the outcome. They are 14 and 16 years old they more than know. I told her at this point they don’t do what they are supposed to they will not go with me and the little kids on the weekend anymore either. I’m not good enough for anything else then I’m not good enough to take you out to run around do fun things go to dinner and spend my money on you either.

Between all the sickness and death I have dealt with between now and the be gaining of the year over the years and now having crappy Christmas the last few years. I don’t even want to think about Christmas or anything to do with it.

I know it is not about the gifts and the kids really do too. But when they have asked for the samethings for a few years for christmas and their birthdays and you can’t do anything. They say I want this but I know you can’t afford it so I guess just this or that.

The last few years I just have not had it. This year I finally was going to do it and then shit hit the fan. Ha nothing good happens to you or for you. You were a fool for thinking it would. Why would you think you deserve anything good. I dont care about me I want it for my kids because even though we are going through a ruff patch between us they are good kids and dont get much through the year and they understand I have to work such long hours and things. I just dont know. Why my kids have to suffer as much as I work my ass off.