{November 25, 2017}   How Do You Trust Again?

How do you get that courage? How do you get to the point of trusting again? I thought I was at a point I could trust again but now I am second guessing myself a lot. I am still talking to the guy from work and I find myself questioning things a lot. I don’t feel that anything is wrong but then my mind goes is that really what he is doing, maybe he is doing this instead, why isn’t he doing this or that? I keep telling myself to take what he says at face value and not to look to much into it because he hasn’t given me a reason and that we are just friends or talking and that he is dealing with and going through a lot and that is the reason he is doing things he is. But then in my mind I am going but what if you are just making excuses for him, what if he is lying, then how are you going to look, how are you going to feel, what is going to happen?

But it isn’t only him it is friends, family, kids, strangers, I feel like I can’t trust anyone. I feel like I spend all my time questioning others and looking for their motives as to why they are doing or saying what they are, what are they getting out of it wanting out of it. Even if they really aren’t or it isn’t a big deal or matter.

Like they guy at work I have gotten so mad at him a few times for things that were said or done and I have to stop myself and think wait he isn’t so and so, that isn’t what he meant, he didn’t mean it that way. I wasn’t this way before but since being with Father of the year, dealing with my friend that did what she and RC. Seems that something always sends alarms off that’s what so and so did, that is what so and so said, that sounds like so and so.

I just keep thinking that if I don’t change this I am going to really mess things up with people that I don’t want to mess things up with. I don’t want to mess things up with my friend that I have stared talking to again. I don’t want to mess things up with the guy from work I have been talking to because I do like him as a friend if nothing else. I have caught myself say things a few times or about to say something and had to stop myself with him and others.

I hate feeling this way and always looking at people this way. I use to not be this way with people I was friends and was close to. I find myself doing it with friends I haven’t even had problems with. I just want to trust unless I have a reason not to. I don’t want to second guess everything all the time but I don’t want to be so trusting that I let to much slide and end up like I did in the past with ones that have screwed me. How do you find the balance and trust but not over trust?

et cetera
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