Single___Parent___Life











{March 2, 2020}   Court With R.C Round 1

I have been waiting for this day for right about 7 years now and it is finally here, today is the first of at least two or three court dates with R.C. I am sure he is going to probably drag things out and want to do the dna test. That is fine Little Bitty and I already did ours last year. It has been just about a year maybe 8 months or so. I think we did it right before or right after my first court date with Father of The Year. Goes to show you how slow and how log it takes to get anywhere with the child support people. But I just don’t have time to do all this myself right now. If I was working one job and not dealing with the Bitch and have her there in my ass 24/7 I could have taken them both to court myself and had things done a lot faster. So here we are waiting for them to take care of it. I

I will be surprised if he don’t ask for the dna test. If he does they will take it right there why he is at the courthouse or child support office. Then it will take two weeks for them to get the results back. I figure if they take it today we will have the results back in 4 to 8 weeks maybe 6 if we are lucky. I am not looking to get them in the 2 weeks like they say. Even if they do everything quickly on his side, we still have to wait for my office to send the results to the lab and then them to process them. Then they will send them back to the offices that requested them and I will have to wait for them to send me the results or tell me. That will probably require a court date to get. I am not sure if they told us the lab would send the offices the results and us or just the offices. Even if they send a copy to us it will still take the office here forever to do something with the results once they get them. Then it will take forever for them to get us another court date.

I a at work now I don’t have to be at court until 2, I am taking off at 12:15/12:30 and headed that way since it is about 30 miles or more away. They are doing road work and it will be lunch time traffic and I am having a small issue with my car. I don’t want to wait until the last minute to head that way. I want to give myself time and maybe stop and get something to eat on the way I a going to this one by myself. I am okay with that. Jw said the other day I don’t know if I can take off and go with you to that one. I said it’s okay, I am fine with going to this one by myself. I figure he is going to phone it in since he is out of state and I don’t have an issue or issues with him like I do father of the year. No things didn’t leave off on good terms with us and he has not been in the picture the last 7 years. But at the same time, he has not done near the things Father of the Year has. He also has not been in the picture making life hell and not doing his part at the same time like farther of the year did. He decided he didn’t want to be in the picture he stepped out and let me do what I needed to do for her. He didn’t try to interfere in that or keep me from that. He didn’t try to tell me what i could or couldn’t do or say he was going to be there and not or be a when he felt like it parent. Like I have said before. I respect that more than someone that just wants to be in the picture when they feel like it or to try and control things from the outside when they have no right or say so in things. If you aren’t going to do it, can’t do it or just don’t want to then fine step a side and let me do me and do what I have to in order to take care of my kids. He did that he left us alone and let us live our lives. Am I happy he hasn’t been a father? No but that is something I can not control. I have to let that go and let that work out or play out how ever that is going to play out from here on out. Because that is and always has been between him and Little Bitty. As long as he is not hurting her, jerking her around or doing her like Father of the Year did or has done my other kids then I have to stay out of it and am able to keep things civil. He is the only one that is going to have to answer for what he is doing or has done. He is the one that will have to face her one day and explain why he wasn’t there. He can never ever say it was because I did not let him or that I wasn’t civil to him. I went above and beyond even after we weren’t together the few times we did talk and things to help him and to even help him and his old lady out because i knew they had kids and I wouldn’t see them do without.

I guess I better get off here and get things settled here at work before I go. I am leaving in 15 minutes or so. This day is flying by right now. I hope it keeps it up and I don’t have to be at this court house for very long. I will be leaving and going straight to work from there or looking for something to do until time to go to work if it goes to fast. I will be a few miles from my night job I’m not going to come all the way back up here for a few minutes.



The other night I was thinking about Father of The Year and how I felt when I seen him that day in court and how I felt when I foundout we were going back to court. Why I felt that way. It is that fight or flight feeling but I am not scared of him so why would I feel that way? I thought I had maybe processed it and figured it out before, but it did not feel right. It has bothered me all this time when I think about it. Why do I feel such a way when we are there at the courthouse but not out in public?

The other day thinking about it, it hit me. I am not affraid of him, I am not worried about what he is going to do. It is me that is the issue. I am so angry about all that he has done to the kids and how he is treating them, ignoring them, refusing to pay to make sure they have what they need or want. Then to think about what he did to me all those years. When I see him it just pisses me off. I get this anger or rage that just washes over me. That is how I felt in the court house this anger that then turned to fight or flight.

I felt that way because I want to confront him, I want to say something to him about how he is doing his kids, how it is effecting them, the things they say and feel. How this isn’t right. I deal with what he did to me and am working through it I could careless. But the way he is doing them is so very wrong and leaving them with things that will effect them from now on and leave things they will have to work through and deal with in their relationships. As if they were not hard enough as it is.

My thing is I can not confront him at the courthouse and tell him what a piece of shit he is. I can’t confront him and tell him the things his kids say because it will be a fight. I will be the one reprimanded for saying something. I can’t tell him how his child ask if he is going to heaven so at least he will see him there and how he said he had thought about hurting himself before. How this is his fault for walking away from him and acting as if they do not exist.

I can confront him in public because he will just run away or jump up and say lets go outside. There he will start and try to have me arrsted. Why he knows what he is doing and what he has done and walks around and has everything handed to him and just don’t show up for court like he is untouchable. That, that untouchable fuck you attitude is what really pisses me off and makes me want to knock the hell out of him. I know one of these days I just may do it. At the courthouse is not the place to do it.



{February 27, 2020}   Re: Court Round 2 Finally

So court with Father of the year was yesterday. Jw told them he was going to be late and went with me so I didn’t have to go alone. After the way I felt the last time I seen him. When They told him he had to pay the $2500.

We got there about 15 minutes early and I was surprised there was no one there yet. When I went the last time the place was packed standing room only. In a few minutes three other couples came in and then one other after that. They took the one back right away then called everyone else in in alphabetical order. I was 7th on the list. Two of the couples were together so there was only 3 others there. They called couple after couple back and most weren’t there. They finally called us and surprise, surprise Father of the Year wasn’t there.

I went in they had me sit where he sat last time asked my name, told me who was there. Then she looked at his address said notice was sent. I said that is still his address. She said then I am considering him serviced. She asked the lawyer for child support how far behind he was and they said $4600 and something. She said she was issuing a warrant for $2000. Asked if I had any questions. I told her no and she said okay and that was that. Jw said you were in there a minute or two if that. I said yes I know because he wasn’t here.

I was so fucking pissed off when we got out of there. He is over $4600 behind and she puts out a $2000 warrant for him!!! That is it $2000!!! He has everything handed to him and thinks that if he just walks off and don’t show up for court nothing is going to happen. What does he think the judge wouldn’t issue the warrant if he didn’t show up? My Good Friend said he bet he left town. I said no you have to have money for that and he don’t have any of that. Last night when I got off work I picked Jw up and we drove by and sure enough he was at home, company truck parked right in the driveway like always. I hope that they pick him up soon, I could really use the money. But now instead of going to court and getting someone to bring the money or give him the money he is going to have to go to jail and then hope someone gives him the money and comes and gets him.

I should call and do a welfare check on Father of the Year. Tell them we had a big meeting yesterday and he never showed up. That he normally showed up for these kind of things and I haven’t heard from him. Give them his name and address. I just hope they get him driving and his boss gets in trouble as well.

 



{January 10, 2020}   Court Round 2 Finally

I have been looking at the clerk’s site and child support enforcement to see when my court date is since they posted last week that they were sending a date in the mail. They have not updated them. That isn’t normal because the clerks site is updated daily and a few times a day most the time. Anytime something is done someone is updating it.

I contacted child support yesterday evening before I left to go to my other job when I could finally get through. They said that my court date is Feb the 26th at 8:30 am. I am dreading going, I have been since I seen it said they had set one and sent the letter. I hate the way I felt when I seen father of the Year last year. I don’t want to feel that way again. Bff says she will go with me but she said that last time too and didn’t. I am thinking about asking my friend I have been hanging out with if he would go with me. He knows it is coming up and that I am dreading going. I told him how it was last time.

I also asked them to check on the case with R.C because that was done back in October and they have done nothing with it since then. They said they are not sure why something wasn’t done they are waiting on a court date. She said she is going to send a paper over to the lawyer or courts and have the look into it. So hopefully they will get that going and we will go with in the next month or so as well.

Father of the year is over $3900 behind I don’t know who will give him that much money to get him out of it this time. As much as it would be nice to have the money I kind of would like to see him do some time for it this time. Maybe he will see that if he don’t pay it this will really happen. The threat wasn’t enough to make him keep paying. He figures oh well I will just borrow the money or what once it gets to that point. But maybe if he had to do time because he couldn’t get it then he would think hay maybe I should just pay it before it gets so out of hand and I can’t get the money. Probably not but wishful thinking. If he is borrowing this from his boss and his boss is taking it back weekly out of his pay check then it is taking weeks, well months to pay back. What is the difference if he just pays it to me every week and it not get so far behind and his kids have what they need. Would be much easier than not paying it, having to go to court, scramble for the money and risk going to jail or going and having to spend who knows how much time there and now risk losing your job and house and everything you have had given to you. Because we all know he didn’t get it on his own or work to get it. His boss gave him everything and now hopes he works enough to at least pay him every week.

I am going to bring that up to the judge as well why we are in court. I’m going to say to her, can I say something?When she says yes I am going to say I want to ask him some questions. He says he is working he just isn’t paying weekly like he is supposed to. He says he don’t have it to pay and don’t have the $3900 to give today. I would like to know where he is going to get the money from? Assuming he is going to have to borrow it or try to borrow it he is going to then have that to pay back weekly. How does he pay it back weekly once he gets to this point but then says that when he isn’t paying on it he can’t afford to pay me? What is the difference if it comes out and goes to someone else to borrow what he pays me when he gets to this point vs him just paying me weekly and not getting to this point and having to not only now need to pay me but also have to pay that back weekly or monthly?

I am going to also ask if we can’t get this back in court like after him missing two weeks or a months of payments not a year just about. I am going to point out the fact that he is working he admits to working and just not paying it, but that he pays it once they pull him in there and make him so he has the means, can and will just won’t. I hope it all goes well.



{November 26, 2019}   Contempt Again and Finally Served

I hadn’t really thought of the deadbeats and child support in a while. I am not sure the last time I checked on it really. For some reason today I was walking through the shop not really thinking about anything and something said check child support enforcement. I went on and forgot about it.

Later this afternoon after I finished up working and had some simi free time I thought of it again. I looked up the case on Father of the Year first. It is showing over $2900 owed but it is more I know. It said just today they sent something to their lawyers to file contempt of court against him again. I figure we won’t get a court date for that until next year. It was aroumd this time last year when they finally did something and we didn’t go until May 15.

Then I looked at the case with R.C. it don’t show anything new so I looked it up at the clerk of courts site. It showed on the 19 I think it is returned or proof of service.

I went back to the child support site and chatted with someone there. She says he was served on 10/2/19. This shows you how long it takes them to get it in the computer and everyone to get the info. She said we are just waiting on a court date for that one too now. I am sure it will probably be some time next year as well.

We get in court I am going to ask about contact and all that. If he wants contact what I should tell her because she has been asking.

I am not looking foward to court with Father of the Year. I do not like the way I felt when he walked in the last time we went. I have to find someone

At least once they get onto R.C and make him pay he will. This with Father of the Year is going to be just another go in tell him to pay x amount of what he is behind and let him go. He cry to mommy and daddy or his boss and get the money. He will skip on about his way and not pay the rest of the year. Why we are in there I am bringing up his rights and getting rid of them.



{September 24, 2019}   Feel Like Stirring The Pot

Not just for my ex and his employer but for a lot of people’s ex’s and their employers too. I may have said this before but not sure as it has been a little bit since I was told. But I have been told that I can sue my ex’s employer since he is paying him under the table and keeping me from getting child support. I didn’t think it would be to easy to do and it would be something else to take time. But it has been in the back of my mind, I have been mauling it over when I think of it. The other night I was laying in bed thinking about it and it seems so easy but hard at the same time. I kept thinking there is something I am missing about this. I decided to go on line and look up about employers and their obligation to withhold and all that.

I found that little golden nugget of information that sparked that ah ha moment. I was trying to decide how to word it to get it to pull up the information I was looking for. After a couple of tries somethings popped up. One caught my eye it said something .gov. I always look at .gov sites over anything else if I can because they are more trusted sites.

It said something about the employer lying on court documents and what could happen if they did. It said if they say a person does not work for them, that does that is lying on court papers and the punishment that could be given for doing this.

It is just one of those little pieces of the puzzle that you don’t think about or that don’t seem like anything until you figure out that it really is and does.

I said to myself this could be in my favor all around here. If I collect pictures, video,text and anything else that I can and file papers to sue him in the court and he gets it. Then I hit him with the fact he has lied on court papers and can also end up being punished for that. Maybe he will think better of it, help father of the year pay what he is behind and start taking it out of his check and sending it in every week. (Wishful thinking I know) If he don’t want to do that then maybe it will scare him enough that he tells him he can’t keep working because he really don’t want to be involved. I don’t care what they do if he starts taking it out or truly fires him. Either way is fine with me. Because he will have to go somewhere and get a job and then he will be on the books and they can start getting something from him. If not he gets another under the table job, I will be quick to inform them why he lost his last job and that they can either comply with child support or I will go after them just like I did his other employer. I will have proof of him working there before I let them know this and send it or show it to them at the time.

If trying to find another under the table job is the route he goes and that don’t work for him then he will either just not work or again go get a job that is on the books. If he stops working fine I am not getting anything from him anyway so no different for me. But he then won’t have money to be going out to dinner, party, rent or things that he needs. Let him see what it is like to not have, let her see what it is like to lose things again and homeless or whatever happens. If he don’t do right let him do without like my kids have.

Once I figure it all out and see that I can do this and that he can get in trouble and things for doing this, I am going to make it known that it can be done. I am going to make it known everywhere I can to everyone who will listen. Because there are so many out there not getting the help with their kids that they should be and like me working two or three jobs and just getting by while so many more of these deadbeats walk around without a care.

If this works and you can do it, I am going to post it everywhere, facebook, craigslist, next door, let go and any and everywhere I can think of and let everyone know there are other ways to get things done even when child support enforcement won’t or can’t help. Check this out, lets all work together, help each other get pictures and proof of these guys working. Lets do one better than that, lets make a list of all the places these deadbeats work and make it known that they help these guys get out of paying child support and boycott them. Put it out there for everyone to know. \

Maybe this will make these places either 1 stop lying to the court and start taking the money out of their checks. 2. they will stop giving these guys jobs because they don’t want to be involved in it. So then these guys are going to either have to start paying regardless of how they work. Again have to get jobs that are not under the table or like I said not work and lose everything or figure out how to get by.

If everyone pushes this and stands up and says no more lets hold the employers accountable too maybe a lot more people will start getting at least something.

I can go even one further and point out that even if your children are grown you are still owed any and all child support you should of gotten. It is not to late to collect. Shake them up too. I am so done with these guys walking away and paying I am going to shake every tree I find to shake and stir every pot that comes along. Because if we don’t this is why this kind of things goes on and keeps going on. Someone has to stand up and say enough is enough and change things.

I figure I may as well do anything and everything I can do since child support isn’t doing anything or taking their time and doing no more than they have to. They sent him a letter on the 17th of this month saying he has 20 days to make a payment or they are going to suspend his license. What a joke, it already is from last time. Even though they gave it back he never went and got it.

Oh and the passport they were going to put a stop on, it never got done. I seen in the file this afternoon that there was some kind of mistake and it didn’t get done. Not that it matters or he was going to ever get one, but they can’t even get that right.

I am going to go for now but stay tuned once I am done researching and get the ball rolling I will keep you all updated on how things are going. Until then I will leave you with this one question to ponder…………………

And from my understanding they can not count both of my jobs when figuring out how much child support I should be getting. Because when I was looking up the laws and information about the employer I found some other information. It says when they are deciding how much child support one should pay they should not have to work two jobs to pay it. I don’t remember how it was worded but basically it said if one was working two jobs at the time, support should not be so much that they have to keep working two jobs to have to pay it. It should be figured on one. From what I see it is the one that is 40 hours or close to 40 and they can up it to 40 even if you are not making 40 in a week. But my understanding whatever one you are making the most money at is the one they use. So there for when they skipped putting my day job on my case with father of the year it was because they only use one and my night job I make the most at. There for when they told me to put both on my paperwork for the case between me and RC they were wrong there. I am going to make a day to go to the court house and talk to the lady there about it all as well because child support isn’t handling my case correctly as far as I am concerned.



{August 14, 2019}   They Finally Filed

On my case with RC it says they filed papers with the court the 25th of last month. I keep looking at the clerk of courts site to see what it says they are doing since that is all it says. But it isn’t showing up. I finally chatted with someone online about it and they said they filed and were waiting on RC to be served but they didn’t know why it wasn’t showing up on the clerk of courts site.

I also asked them about Father of the Year and why they were not going after him again. They told me we sent and revoked his passport. I said he don’t care he don’t need one for anything, you took his drivers license months ago and he still goes to work every day and drives the company truck and brings it home and drives it everywhere he needs to or wants to go. So when will they take him back to court? Because that is the only thing that is going to get him to pay anything. Then she tells me they will not take him back to court until they have exhausted all other avenues and they do not work.

I am calling the court house tomorrow to see if I can get them to do something. If not I am going to see what papers I need to file so that I can file myself.

I went back to the clerk of court website to look up the judge that was on our case and get the number for her. I didn’t look at the cases when they came up and just clicked on our case. When I looked at it something didn’t look right. I started reading it and it was for me and RC not me and Father of the Year. Mine and father of the years case was at the bottom of the list but now mine and RC’s is so when I clicked it was his.

But now that it is all on the site it means that the court house has it moving in their system. Meaning it should be on it’s way out for him to be served. If we are lucky maybe we will have a court date by Christmas. But it is to establish or disestablish paternity. So if he or the judge wants DNA they will collect it there and it will take two weeks for them to get it back to us. Then we will have to wait for another court date. With Christmas and New Years we will not even get back in court before February if not later probably.

But at least the ball is rolling in the right direction finally after 6.5 years.

To be honest it is maddening really the way they do things and how long it takes them to help and get something going much less in place.

 



{May 12, 2019}   Happy Mother’s Day

Hope you all are having a nice relaxing day. I am stressing over money and doing the normal mommy duties. I recieved a coupon book from Mr. 8 cards a picture and paper flowers from Little Bitty.

Yesterday I thought about court coming up on Wednesday and not having any nice clothes that do not fall off. Me and the girls went to Wal Mart and I found a nice pair of pants and a shirt. I can put my heels on with them and it should work.

I cropped it because I look horrible after working on the truck and spending hours at the park with the kids. But my mothers day gift and outfit for court.



A few weeks ago I told you about getting a notice in the mail saying me and my 8 year old had to go to court over child support. They had him listed as the one who owed and needed to come to court.

I spent around 2 hours on the phone trying to get it straight and never got a for sure answer it was taken care of. Just that it was right in their computers they would send the info on.

1. I did not want some bs showing up on him over it all because someone didn’t do their job right.

2. I did not want to go to court and him not show up because he didn’t get a notice with his name on it knowing full well it was mean for him.

I don’t know if he is going to show up or not. I truly wish I had never messed with it. I was just in a mood. I go back and forth on it. Some days it’s like yeah make him pay. Look how my kids are or going through or what. Then I snap back to reality with it is a waste of time. He isn’t going to pay it is just going to be more miss work and money to fight with him to get nothing. I am going to this date see how it all goes then decide from there what to do. I am going to ask if he can just sign up his rights and be done. If not decide where to go from there.



{February 22, 2019}   Talked to My Boss

I had somethings to take care of this morning so I did that and messaged my bosses and asked them what time they would be at the shop this morning. The one messaged me back and said about 9:15. I told okay. Later he messaged and asked if something needed done first thing this morning before they went out? I told him no I just wanted or needed to talk to them. He said okay.

I got here just before that and came in was waiting on them to get here. I tried the computer it was shut down and off. I tried to turn it on it wouldn’t come on, it just beeped at me and a blank screen. I thought oh great he really can hack this stuff and what did he do? because only me and the one boss was here yesterday and he left shortly before I did and we never ever turn the computers off. We leave them on. I thought maybe he came back and was doing something and shut it down for something or did something.

He came in a little after 9:30, he was like oh wow your hear early. I said yeah I wanted to talk to you. We had just been talking yesterday about how you can hide apps to track people and things like that on the phones. He was saying he put one on his sons phone so that if something happen he could find him even if his gps and things were off. Then hid it so someone couldn’t turn it off.

I said you know we were talking about this yesterday, I said can you tell if there is something on my phone to track me or listen to my calls and see my messages or what I do on my phone? He said yeah, I said will you? He said yeah, yeah let me see I can check it. I gave it to him. He was standing here by me at the desk going through it and checking it out. I said I kind of got myself in a situation and I am not sure how to handle it or get out of it. I said I don’t think my phone was left to have anything put on it and most the time I have it locked but I had the lock off and I went to the bathroom and things I may have left it just laying there on the table.

After that is when I told him I kind of got myself into a situation and wasn’t sure how to handle it or get out of it. He kind of looked up from the phone and looked at me like what the hell is going on. I said Saturday I went to the village after work to the concert. I was supposed to go with a group of friends they backed out so I went by myself. I said this guy was there with some friends and things and came over and started talking to me. I said he seemed okay I talked to him we have been talking the last week. I told him how we all go to Applebee’s Wednesday when I get off my other job and that he went with us. I said but other than that we have just messaged or talked. I said but there was just something about him that I couldn’t figure out or read whatever you want to say. I said my friends think he is great and he this nice guy I should give him an chance. I said but I don’t know him we were just talking. I said a few things he said just seemed kind of off to me I was sitting at my other job last night after I left here and decided to just look him up and see what it showed. I wasn’t ready for what it showed at all. I told him and he was like oh wow.

I said now I don’t know if he has put something on my phone maybe, or how to handle it and get away from him, he knows where I work and things. He said well today is your last day here by yourself we will be here all next week. He said just kind of lay low don’t say to much until later. He said that way if he gets mad and wants to come here and start we will be here. He said if he comes here and starts I will whip his ass. If he wants to come her start or get nasty with you. He said you don’t need that around your kids, you don’t need it around you. I said I know I was floored when I seen it. I said he started talking I was just nice and talk. He said yeah don’t worry about it he won’t start here I will take care of it. I said I’m not scared of him but I don’t want to be dumb or stupid about it either. I want to be prepared in case.

I said I don’t know how to get rid of him, just ignore him he will go away, confront him, tell him I am seeing someone else? What is going to be better, what would be worse. He said yeah I don’t know that is hard not knowing what will set him off or what. He said said maybe just ignore him for now see if he leaves you a lone if he don’t then when we are here next week tell him you are seeing someone else. He said you never told him you two were going to get together or be together or something like that did you or make him think that? I said no, no not at all, I said he has hinted around at it and I just say I don’t know or nothing or what. I said but he wants more. I said we don’t even know each other for me to know if I would want more with him or not even if I hadn’t found this and everything was fine. He said yeah just play it off back off from him and see how it goes then if you have to tell him something do it and see what happens from there. I think that is probably the best idea.

I told Pops when he came in, I said so the guy I met I told you I didn’t know what to think about and I thought he might be full of shit. I said he is and told him he was like omg. I said I know. He said you can’t be around that now you have to worry about that. I said I know. He came in my office when I came back in here a little bit ago he said I have a stun gun in my car, if I leave here today I am going to give it to you to keep in your desk or on you just in case anything happens or you need it. I said okay. The boss said all that is recorded so if he comes up here and starts with you, you need it you have that too. He be stupid to come start he knows it is recorded but hell people do stupid shit all the time that is recorded.

I told my boss too he told me he was on disability at one point. He said he was in an accident I figured it was from that he said he forgot things and stuff like that. I said he was long term committed and that takes a lot. The way he talked I didn’t think he was still on it but then Wednesday he was waiting for a money to hit the bank. I said he still on it he getting a crazy check not because of the accident. My boss laughed he said yeah your probably right. I said I think so.

About the time it says he was long term committed is about the time he says he was out in the other state and setting up and doing all these businesses for friends out there and then Sailing all over the last few years. I said he was probably away. Some of these charges these people had injunctions against him for years and then he violated them so it didn’t just happen and then he went away and left them alone. This is just really messed up and not cool.

After not hearing from him since 530 last night he messaged me about 10 this morning. He wanted to know what the deal was. He has made a few comments about coming over and things. I tell him no and I have the kids and things. He says he isn’t scared. I finally said yesterday okay here is the deal……But then wasn’t able to finish talking to him. So this morning he was like what is the deal????

I wanted to say well yesterday there was one but things have changed here is the new deal. I looked you up and I know all about your past and you say you beat this or that or what but that means nothing and there are all these that you didn’t beat that are worse than the ones you did. So I know all about you I can’t have you around. But I didn’t, I figured I should just do like my boss said and keep things alright get through the day back off slowly and if I have to say something say something later or in a few days. I don’t want him to come up here and start but if he is going to it wouldn’t be good if he did today with just me and Pops here or with Pops here. I rather be here alone than Pops being here if the guys weren’t going to be here. It is so crazy how people can be so different than what they let on to be. He seems like a nice, funny, decent guy then you look him up and see all this.

I am sorry I shouldn’t say he is crazy or crazy check or whatever. I know mental illness is a real thing god knows I know and have dealt with it enough myself. I don’t mean it in a bad way at all. There is nothing wrong with getting it if you have mental illness and truly need it can get it that is great. I am just I don’t know my mind is going 90 miles a minute trying to figure it all out and the fact he just acts like he has nothing done nothing and knows that all he is telling us is probably 99% lies and he just laughs when I would say he was so sure of himself and so full of it and things. If you have something wrong if you did something be upfront about it, don’t lie or try to hide it. Yeah we just started talking and things, but when you are asked what will I find on you if I look you up don’t lie and say traffic and a few things but nothing big and I beat them. Not when you have 20 pages of stuff against you. If you been committed or something and you know it is there you may want to explain that before someone just see’s it. I don’t know like I said I feel he is just trying to get over on people. That he is just running a game and when it starts to fall through he then flips. I don’t know if he don’t know what he is doing then why is he free to walk around on his own why is he not being taken care of or committed. I don’t know what I think other than why me? Why can’t I really meet someone decent? What am I being punished for? Is this one really going to try something or do something if I stop talking to him? If so when and what? How long do I have to wait watch and look over my shoulder and things?

I also had the thought and told my friend he has lived all around me here where I grew up, by my house me and ex had and this house I am in now. He even lived not that far from me when I lived up the road a little piece. Maybe he has been my stalker that I have had for years. That just creeps me out a little. I have always said I probably talked to this person whoever it is because I worked at the stores and things so they can come in buy stuff come through my line or come up and ask me where things are or whatever like any other customer and I would never know. They are laughing the whole time because they are and I don’t know. If this is him now we have talked hung out together and everything else he has hugged me and all. That just makes me feel really sick thinking about it and if it was he has just taken things to a new level. What could or will he do next? I know now I sound crazy and far fetched but who knows. Knowing he lived right down the street or around the corner all these different places when this was going on. I have to stop thinking about it all I tell myself no and forget it. It is just here now and to just worry about that but I don’t know what to think about it all anymore.

Why do I feel so stupid and so embarrassed about it all? I didn’t do anything I was standing in a field at a concert and talked to someone. What am I supposed to do just look at the ground everywhere I go and not talk to anyone? It isn’t like I am going out let me see how messed up of a person I can find or some one with the worst past I can to talk to and be friends with. I just end up with these people I don’t know.



et cetera
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