Single___Parent___Life











{July 12, 2018}   A Talk With Oldest

When I got home from work tonight me and oldest went up to the little store. We were talking about seeing father of the year today. We were talking about them seeing him and things.

She said she didn’t want to. She said he needs to start bringing money weekly like he said he was going to and go file the paperwork that he is supposed to file and go to court first. She said he hasn’t wanted anything to do with them in a year and a half then he needs to prove he does now and going to be consistent. Because he never follows through and does what he says. He do it a few times and then half asses it a while and then nothing. She don’t want to let him in start working on rebuilding or getting close for him to start not showing up and then not show up for another year and a half again. I do not blame her one bit. I do not think it is unreasonable for her to say you need to prove you want back in and to do that you need to do x,y,z in a timely manner. Not when you “have time” or “get to it” like you always say.

I think she is also scared that if she goes with him now he decides to take them to his house, bring her with him to see them or make them stay the night or not bring them back I can’t do anything. Our divorce papers say he gets them every Friday until Monday. So cops would not make him bring them back. I can not really tell him he can not take them around her. And they have no real say if he tells them this is how it is going to be. But if I get full custody of them he don’t have set days times to have them it is up to me if they go for how long and when. If he takes them to his house with her they call then I can pick them up because paperwork says I have custody. If he picks her up they are out they call me. I can go where they are and pick them up because of my paperwork. Now with it the way it is I would still go but if they wanted to get nasty call cops it get ugly because papers or no papers, if my kids wanted to come home they would be. Unless I ended up in jail. And there would be huge chance of that happening if they got nasty something went down. So I agree with here he needs to show he is going to do what he said. If it has to go to court first for them to feel more comfortable seeing him then he has to deal with it. If he wants to see them before that then it will probably be supervised until it goes to court. We can meet at a public place because I don’t want him in my house anymore either. We can meet at a public place they can go do their thing i sit in the truck or what until they are done. They want to go eat i will drop them off go pick them up when they are done.

He don’t like it don’t want to agree to it then I guess he don’t want to see them and spend time with them like he says and has provem over the last year and a half.

She even said tonight he needs to give us money now not a little bit here and there. He owes us our checken money on top of the child support. She said you should tell him he owes me a babysitting fee because I am the one taking care of the kids every weekend when he is supposed to have us and take care of all of us. She is right he should. But I can not press for to much because then he will say fuck it or get nasty and fight for split custody. But I know how to work it so he pays.

I think I am going to tell him I will meet him Saturday to get the money and talk to him about the kids and seeing them. I tell him I will meet him a couple hours before work up the street. I do not want the boys knowing we seen him or talked to him. I also do not want them to know he is talking about wanting to see them.

Right now we are doing the getting together and seeing them on oldest terms and conditions. Because the younger 2 are not going if she dont go. Once she decides she is ready then I will talk to the other two about it. I will let them know he wants to see them, that he has met her terms and that they can see him on their terms and if they do not want to that is fine too. It will go from there.



{January 27, 2018}   Adopted Daughter

A few nights ago my mom ran into a friend of Father of the Year. She use to be a close friend of mine and her and her brother are how I met father of the year. But she stepped in the middle of things with me and him after being told to stay out of it and I told her how it was and cut her off from then on. We have not really talked in about 7 years.

My mom said they were standing there in the store she reach to help someone do something and when she looked up at who it was it was her. She told my mom that Father of the year told her he is paying me, that I refuse to let him see the kids or have anything to do with them and best of all that he adopted my little one. I was mad as hell because my kids are big enough to tell anyone who has questions what happen and how he told them he was going to get a place they could come to and see him spend the night, how he told them he was leaving people in jams but he had to do this, how he called the cops on us when we were trying to get him to just pay what he owed and how he has walked and drove by us in parking lots and things and acts as if he don’t see them and runs away jumps in the car and flies out of there. How when he see’s my friends out places and me or the kids are not even around he gets up and leaves when no one has even said anything to him. They can tell them how he hasn’t been here for birthdays or Christmas, has no idea his kids have been sick so bad they needed to go to the hospital one two or three times in as many days and almost kept.

But then to tell people he adopted my daughter and how he takes care of her. He acts like “daddy” when anyone is around and I tell her all the time he is not her daddy and him not to play daddy and for everyone to not tell her that is daddy. He begged me to let him go on the birth certificate and to give her his last name. That way I didn’t have to fight with her dad if he came in the picture and so that everyone would have the same last name. I said nope she is getting my name or her daddies name. I am not worried about her daddy coming around and trying to get her or fight me for her. I figure he may show up at some point and want to meet her see her but I don’t worry that he will try to take her or fight me for her. Like I told him that is her dad he has a right to her if he decides to come around. You have three you hardly take care of and do for now and complain because you have to. You are the last person I would want to tie her to or say was her dad. We had not even been together for years when I had her.

I am so mad the next time I see him I am going to say something about it right in front of everyone. How he still isn’t paying for his kids and still has nothing to do with them and that no one is keeping him from them other than himself and his ol lady.

I told my friend I should pack their bags drive them over there have her go with me so that she can record it all and tell him since he told everyone that I refuse to let him see his kids I thought I would bring them over and drop them off for his weekend, here they are and make sure to have them to school on time Monday. Then sit there and watch him trip all over himself why they can’t stay why they have to leave and most likely call the police to tell me that I can’t come back there. If it wasn’t for the fact of my kids getting hurt in all of it and knowing how he would do them and not take them I would do it in a heartbeat. Then when someone says that and when we go to court I can play it for the judge and be like here you go your honor he is not taking care of his kids he don’t even want to see them or take them for his time.

I posted something saying along the lines of for the ones that didn’t know he left and has not been around or paying and that he did not adopt my daughter. That I do not refuse to let him see his kids he refuses to have anything to do with them and runs every time he see’s them. That if he did adopt her then why does my divorce papers say she is not his, why does she have my last name, why if he wants to see them and I don’t let him, he don’t take me to court for violating a court order? Because if he had my kids and wouldn’t let me see them I been in court long ago getting that straight. I said I don’t normally post things or put this kind of thing out there but this was something I couldn’t let go and not say something because none of it is true and there are people that have been there from the start and know what went on and what is going on so if this is what he is telling you it isn’t true and if you want to know the truth come talk to his kids. It won’t be no he said she said you can get it straight from the ones that he is doing it to.



{September 4, 2017}   Peter Pan, Wendy and the Plan

As you all know I sometimes call Father of the Year as Peter pan. “His” song (Peter Pan)come on the radio the other day me and my friend were out somewhere. I said hey there’s his song and we were laughing. Then I thought of it, I said hey if he is Peter Pan then that must mean she is Wendy. So now depending on who we are around we call them Peter Pan and Wendy. The only parts of the song that really reminds me of him if the chores when she is singing your never going to grow up your never going to be a man, your always going to fly away just because you know you can. Because that is just how he is. He there when he wants to be gone when he feels like it, don’t take care of anything like a kids.

Anyway I have a plan for them as well now that this has all happen an I have this half way decent job for a little bit. I am going to take money out and pay a lawyer to take him to court. I still have no address to serve him and all that but that I am not worried about. I think I have a plan to make this all work out and so that I can get what I want in court. At this point I think he can pretty much be gotten for abandonment of the children he don’t see them or support them in anyway. He don’t want anyone to know how to get a hold of him if something was to happen so there is no contact. The kids have been to the doctors a few times one is waiting to go to a specialist and all I think have been to the er since he has left. He knows nothing about it other than what he may of heard from others.

When we go to court I want him to just sign his rights up and be done. For the soul perpuse he can not just walk in and out of the kids lives and do like he has the last year or more and so that if or when he decides he wants to play daddy again because it suits him at the time I can keep him at arms length and figure out how to handle things and talk it over with the kids. Let the kids decide if and how they want to see him and handle things with him at that point. He can not force me to let him see them if they don’t want to, he can’t go to court and try to make me let him see them and when I get ready to move or if I move and decide I want to again I can without asking him or the courts. Plus this way he can’t just go pick them up from school, sports, daycare or anything else without me knowing and taking them off to where ever he wants to talk them and I have to fight to get them back. If he was to show up and try to just take them then he would be in trouble.

I am thinking right now if I do not have contact with him or know where he is living then when we go to court in Jan or Feb I have no address to have him served. I don’t know where he is working or living then he can’t be served. But I can go to court and ask the judge if I can file a notice in the paper for so many days or weeks in hopes he see’s it or someone does and tells him he comes forward. But if he don’t then I still win in court because he is not able to be reach. I am sure they will not take his rights away but I can get full custody and child support. Full custody will help keep him from taking them just whenever he wants as well or coming around. If they can’t do away with his rights then I do want child support. When I find out he has a job or child support finds out he has one then they can go after him for it. I won’t have to. I also will be able to move out of state and do whatever I want with the kids as well. I just hope that everything can and will go as I think it should. I have my money coming by Friday and I have an appointment to talk to the lawyer the 14th. I just hope that she says yest this all can be done this way and that I am likely to win my case if I do it this way or tell me what i am going to need to do to win my case.

He did send my oldest a message on Facebook a few days after he knew their school went back. I was so pissed because the last one he sent was the day school got out she asked him for $50 so she could get her school work so she could work over the Summer and get caught up to grade level. In his message the other day he put something about missing and loving them and hope they have good school year. To me that was just a dig that I didn’t give you the money and now school started back you don’t need it I can contact you again. Hope you have a good school year say to me I don’t plan to be around. Few people I have talk to said the same thing. I say he just knew that school started back and sent it or that is why he brought up the school year but my kids didn’t start back until a week or more after the public school kids started this year. Last year they started with them so he had some way of knowing they didn’t go back until late because it came a day or two days after they started. If he thought they stared when public school did he sent it sooner. I left it as unread because she has not been on to see it. She hardly ever uses facebook. I wanted to reply but I didn’t. I wanted to go find him and reply face to face but I knew I couldn’t.

He makes me so sick he has no contact other than some bs like that once every three months or something. But then he post all over his page how he got married, how he is so in love and how in love they are with each other. I said who are they trying to convince other than their self because the stuff they are saying they shouldn’t have to say to others it would be implied or figured. I wanted to post as my daughter and say so this is how your own kids find out? You didn’t even think enough of us to come tell us face to face or ask if we wanted to be there? But I guess that is to be expected from a father that has had no contact with us since April and who don’t care if we have things we need or anything else and then leave us to pay the vet bill for our dog that you let get killed. Glad to see that you love someone and have someone to love you since you don’t seem to use anymore. Put it all out there for his family, friends, church friends and everyone to see and know how he is doing his kids. He tells everyone I won’t let him see them, I just take his money and spend it on my self and waste it. But if it comes right from her what can they say. They all know how my oldest is and that she isn’t like most kids her age she is way above that and speaks her mind when she has something to say. Who wouldn’t at almost 14 when their dad runs off and does what he has.

I talk to my oldest about a lot of this and told her he sent the message and things. I told her about going to the lawyer and what I wanted to try to do there and everything. She said I don’t blame you if you didn’t let him see us after all that he has done. I sure wouldn’t let him see us if I was you and he had done all that. I said but that if your dad, yalls dad and I am not going to keep you all from having a relationship with him if that is what you want. But I am not going to force you to have one just because that is what he decides he wants if you don’t. We were talking about him trying to pick them up from school or what if he decided to. She said yes but we wouldn’t go. She said well I wouldn’t but i don’t know about the boys because they are younger and things. I explained to her that the police would make me let them go if it was this day or that day and that even if they didn’t want to they would tell them they had to go. That was why I was trying to do things the way i was but that they could still have a relationship with him if they wanted to no matter what I did or didn’t get in court. If he came around and wanted one. But that what happen in court would dictate how much of one they had to have and leave it all up to them to have it on their terms of if they went places if they talked to him on the phone, if they decided to stay the night if it built up to that. It would all be up to them not him to just say the papers say i get you this time to this time so you got to come. She liked that idea.

I just want to get in front of this lawyer and get this done with and know what I have. I don’t know if it is something we are going to do right away since I am at this job making ok money I was thinking to have her file the first of the year. Then I will not have this job making all that money and they will not figure it into the child support he owes. Not that I really expect to see any of it anyway but still. If I do then he needs to pay at the right rate for a change.



{May 11, 2017}   Wasted Time Once Again

I took the kid to school and went to legal aid to see if they would just look over the papers I have make sure I have everything and filling it out correct. I get there the women says you have to be in the system we do that on the phone, have a seat. I sit and wait for a while then she calls me up and starts asking me questions. I answer them, then she says I have to get a lot of information from you a lot of personal stuff you can go home and I can call you. I said we can do it now that is fine. Oh well okay she say. I tell her all the information she is asking for then she says okay we can see you in a week you can come to an advice class we have. I went ahead and took it figured if I still have questions then it may be use full.

Then I decided to go to the court house see what they had to say. I talk to the lady told her what I wanted what was going on that I needed to file to get him paying again, tell me his address and phone number and to have it raised because he is making a lot more now. She said I don’t know if you want to hit the courts with all this at once? I said why would’t it be better to come in get it all done with at once and not keep dragging this out? She just looked at me and said well I can print you the packet you need but it is going to be $12. I said what packet is it I can print it at home. She told me, she also told me that to file to get it in court show he isn’t paying and things that I did not have to have him served. I could just file it all, mail it to his job and then get a court date set and mail him the notice of court hearing. She said if he showed up great if not that was fine too because it all had been done before this was just to enforce the order already in place and have it go through child support.

She said if I go in to have it raised and all that then I have to have him served and wait the 20 days for him to answer and then get a court date. She said I can have him served at his job for that as well.

I am thinking I need to get all this filled out turned in for them to start taking it from his check. I will do that turn it in tomorrow, mail it to his job tomorrow as well. Give it til Wednesday or Thursday to get it in the computer at the court house. I will get a court date hopefully next week mail it out to him as well. Then I will work on the paperwork to have it upped, turn it in to the court house, have him served, wait the 20 days then go down and get a court date for that. By then the first court date should have come and gone and jut have this part to deal with. With what he will pay weekly or monthly for then will help get me by until they up it. But it will get this coming back in right away. She also said he will have to give me address and all that as well if he wants to pick the kids up. She said that to file a motion for them to start taking it out of his check and make him pay would not cost. She said that it would cost me to reopen the case, a filing fee and service fee to file to up the support, but I am still going to file indigent so I hopefully wont’ have to pay all that or I won’t be able to get it all going anyway.



{May 7, 2017}   The Fun Continues Tomorrow

I have done nothing this weekend but lay around, I am so tired from dealing with everything since what happen to the dog, what they did and the last few weeks of school. Then dealing with the kids and their attitudes on top of it all this week holy cow they are off the chain. I wanted to sit here look up what papers I need to file and watch something on tv last night after the kids went to bed. That din’t happen because as soon as they turned everything off and walked out of the room I passed out and woke up at 4 am. I got up and went to bed, I still couldn’t hold my eyes open.

I have to spend the day figuring out what papers to file with the court so that I can do all this again on my own since the child support place will not serve him at his job. They say they have to have a home address to send everything to and get a response back from him. It is no wonder so many people never get anything when they have these assholes like him that don’t give you addresses or bounce from couch to couch, motel to motel. But if I go to court and file all the paperwork myself and turn it in then I can have him served at work. He starts work at 3 so that is a few hours before the servers get off so they should have time to get him served. I just hope I get a judge that see’s him for what he is and does right by the kids. Not one that is going to let him start taking the kids and seeing them and tell me I have to start doing the back and forth every few days shared custody. I want to try and change the visitation and time sharing because they put in our papers that he can have them every weekend that is fine to a point but there are some weekends that I would like to have them since we are in school and working during the week. Plus I don’t want them to have to go anymore than they want to. Every other weekend gives the a little break, although I done told them if they do not want to go they don’t have to we will cross that bridge when we get there. Right now with him living in his truck it shouldn’t be a problem with him getting anything he wants but I don’t know if he got a place or what kind of place he got so I don’t know if he has room for them and things either. If he wants them every few days back and forth then I am going to insist that he has a place where the boys and girls have their own rooms and beds. I have to have that he should too. This putting them all in one room or same beds isn’t going to work.

I just hate trying to figure out what paperwork I need to get and turn in. They have all these packets for different things and lose forms. You have to figure out what you want or need to file and do it. They will not tell you, this is the packet you need or that packet won’t work because your missing this or that. They just ask what you want charge you for it and give it you. I can print them from home free but my printer needs ink and I have no ink or money for ink. I am sure I will figure it out I figured out enough to get my divorce and that was a lot more involved than this is going to be a and a lot less paper work. I know that some of it is the same paper work I had to do for my divorce. I just hate dealing with this part of stuff.



{July 17, 2016}   No Privacy

I am so pissed right now maybe I shouldn’t be but I am. Father of the Year was here earlier and my mom calls. She just wanted to let him know he got something from the job he didn’t go back to, said she opened it figured it was a “handbook” or something. Then she says and another paper you probably got the last few days too. I am thinking what is she talking about. I was like what? She said one I’m sure you got a copy of in the last few days. She isn’t wanting someone to hear her. I guess my grandma sitting there but it don’t bother me if she knows I’m going to finish it. It is no secret that we are getting a divorce it never has been. I opened it when I seen where it was from she said figured he need to know.

If she knows that I got a copy too and he has been over here almost every day then she knows we have talked bout it. He will be there to get it so he can open it himself. Then she says so what did you all decide or put in it? I knew what she was getting at I just said wasn’t much to put in it really. She says yes there is. I said just your basic stuff, we don’t have property and things. I said he gets the kids the weekends. She kept saying what else and stuff. I said that’s it really. We ended up hanging up and she text me what about leaving the state, custody, child support?

I just text her back said that I couldn’t do out of state until I got ready to go, we have to go back for it he has them the weekends like he wants and that we worked it out. He wasn’t home but I am sure she will grill him when he gets there about it all and when it is over she will open the papers they send and read all through them because she is so fucking noise. I told him I would go get a PO box and have all my mail sent to it from now on that is crazy.

Honestly I don’t care if she opens and reads all his mail that comes there. But I do care when it is my business too and she is opening and reading it and getting in the middle of it. The way she is about her “business” and everyone telling hers. But then she is going to go and open his mail. That is messed up. She jumped all over my sister for posting online and asking people to pray for my grandpa when he was having heart surgery. She posted her “business” if someone ask how she is or where she is staying you say oh over here or there she gets all pissed because your telling her “business”. But it is ok for her to post all about my dad when he was so sick how he found out he was sick and how bad it was, how fast he got worse and how bad it was then and to keep me and my brother in their thoughts or what as we went through this and handled it and how we were handling it. Or how she thought we were because I hardly talked to or seen her. She didn’t mind posting all of our business everywhere and telling anyone and everyone who would listen but don’t tell hers and now she can open other peoples mail and read all their business and then have the nerve to call them up and want to know all about it and what she couldn’t find out and expect you to tell her.

I was so pissed and floored when she said she opened it and started questioning it I didn’t know what to say. She didn’t want me to sign anything saying I could leave the state with the kids. She told him a while back that if he did I would leave and she probably never see them again or not for a long time. She text me back what about child support in a little bit. I just said what about it why does it matter? She text because he has to have money to pay bills his bills blah blah, bullshit. I said one of his checks would pay half his bills there and if he had to pay them all two of them would pay them all and he still have two more. No they won’t and he normally only works for minimum wage bullshit bullshit and more bullshit. He don’t when he ran tow truck he made most times at least what he is making here sometimes more, once in a while less but not often was it less. The job he just worked a few weeks is first job he make at that now he back at this place. She saying it’s only temp through December then he back to making nothing. She has no clue what she talking about. They told him with this company these two projects will last through at least December, then they move them to another company or project if this company don’t need them for a project. But this company is big so I am sure they will have other projects but if not they will move him. Other guy said he been working with this company 2 years and they keep him working all the time with different companies and don’t have gaps in work. Like I said before he can make the money, it isn’t always easy to find but he can if he looks.

Last thing she said was you can’t go have them change it based on this new job it’s only temp and he don’t make that again. I just didn’t say anything. I said yeah to something she said before that but it didn’t go until after she said that so she thinks I answer that. So she thins that he should make over $3000 the next 5 or 6 months and just pay his kids as if he is only making about $1200 and she see’s nothing wrong with that. Her own grand-kids and oh well don’t give them anymore? It don’t matter you are making that much a month, just pay as little as you can get away with paying. She knows he does not buy them anything he pays what he has to and that’s it. Last time what he paid didn’t even pay daycare for the month for the youngest. I still had all their clothes, shoes, uniforms, school trips bills food and everything to buy for and he didn’t even buy them Christmas or birthday gifts. Said oh your not putting my name on what YOU GOT!!!!

It be one thing if it was $100 more a week or something even. But we are talking about, well over double. Even though they won’t count it toward his support and they will only base it on 40 at his base pay, he is still making all that money in over time as well. He just told me today that the next two weeks they are talking about doing 7 days a week not 6 and working all 10 hour days not 10 and 8s. His over time check will be more than his base pay for the week if they do that. When they go to this next job they may even get another raise because it will be a government job not a normal work site and they have different pay rating and they want it done by New years so they will probably be working over time on it as well.

I just don’t understand how someone can be that way and when it comes to their own blood vs friend or married in. So fucked up. Everyone says is it your mom or his? What why is she that way? Because she more worried bout her self than anyone else and like him if he don’t help then my time will run out I won’t be able to keep doing it on my own and I will have to come live with her. Like she has begged me to since I left two and half years ago. She was saying the other day when I had pluming problems I said if pipe broke under house they may say I have to move they not fixing it or can’t right now I have to move. She said oh they probably won’t they be stupid to and let it sit over that. Then she stopped said they might oh well just pack your stuff and come over here. I don’t know why you don’t anyway. I said I don’t want to live there everyone on top of everyone no room can’t have our stuff and everything. I like my house and want to stay here. If it broke I guess I tell them I can stay with a friend why they fix it if they can do it quickly in a week or two. She said something about coming there and just for a short time. I said don’t worry I’m not I have places to go. She started I said got to go take care of kids they fighting and hung up.

She just started again about they are going to make you do split custody with no child support. They make everyone now, they did so and so, they making everyone do it that way so they don’t have to deal with child support cases. I said no they did so and so that way because they could not agree on anything. She don’t know I talk to this persons mother and she told me all about it, the night that me and her sat in the hospital all night waiting on my sister to have her baby while my mom went home until it was time to push the next day sometime. I didn’t ask her she just told me. He don’t want them all the time or every other week. He has said it many many time over the years he can’t handle them everyone else has said it and knows it. She has said it and knows it. Like now what he going to do take them pay her to watch them or someone else because she can’t get them to and from school while I am right here and can be doing it until I go back to work? Or am I supposed to do all that when it is his time to have them and he is supposed to be so he don’t have to pay a sitter. Then he drops them here picks them up after dinner time takes them home baths them puts them to bed gets them up bring them here. He isn’t going to do it, he find excuse after excuse to not come get them after work to just leave them. I be doing it all and he be doing nothing to help with them.

As for moving he done said he isn’t going to file papers to say I can’t leave or make me come back because the kids need to get out of here. If we move the odds are he will be driving our stuff up there I will have paperwork stating where we are moving to all the info and him agreeing to it if I don’t go to court and have it notarized. How is it going to look on him if he comes home and goes to court and files to try and make me come back here. The judge is going to say you knew she was going you drove their stuff there and dropped them off and signed papers saying where she is that she can go and all this then come home and try to file? Either way if I file or I don’t my mom will be in his ear talking shit, and when I say when because I know it will, why I am trying to get school done by next December and then file so I can move next April. But like I said she will have her say in it to him and try to tell him not to let me go. If she does she won’t see them again and I will not answer my phone to her or help her again ever.

 



{April 28, 2015}   Custody

Edited to fix the coloring so that it could be seen and read easily. I am not sure what happen or how to fix it but when I was typing it last night it wouln’t show up up at all. I change the color and it did but then noticed today that you couldn’t really read the post that well. This is the only color I can get to show up decent when I post. 

Father of the year came over tonight so we could work on filling these papers out and getting them turned in. He is dead set on wanting join custody. He just acts like it is no big deal. I brought up the fact of no sitter. His answer is he is going to get another job and he will have to find one. How mom said she could watch them if he paid extra on the rent or something. I said what about a place for them to stay. He said well the boys or the kids could stay in his room he have to sleep on the couch. I said no if they are going to be living with you then you need to have a room for girl and one for the boys and you a room. No that don’t matter and all this he started saying. I said yes it dose they aren’t going to be coming over there sleeping on the floor or on mattress on the floor. He said well you had 5 kids in that apartment you were in. It was only tempareally and it was because he didn’t take them for the summer like he was supposed to. If he had taken them and hadn’t told me until after I had already moved he wasn’t they wouldn’t have been there and they all had their own beds and their own dressers. Like I told him he don’t take them when he is supposed to now and or then. When we worked it he could have them for one full week he pitched a bitch because he had a date one night that week and wasn’t going to be home and he might get some as he put it. he finally took them and then left them home for the night and went and spend the night with this girl that he just met on line. 

Like we have talked about before jerking them back and forth every few days or week isn’t right to them. How would he feel to feel like your never home? About the time you are getting settled in you have to go spend 3 days or a week somewhere else and in the middle of that go back and spend a day or so back at the other place. I know my big boy is not going to like it and will have a hard time with it. We will start seeing bigger problems from him than I am already having because of the way father of the year has done. He is always on him and nasty to him. my little guy will like getting to see his dad but he is going to get tired of going back and forth really fast and he will start acting out as well. Like I told him he seen how it was living there before and that she can’t handle them and how loud they are and things all the time it isn’t going to work. He says he is going to have to go get a house. I don’t know how he thinks he is going to go get a house when he can’t afford to pay where he is now and has no money left so he says now. He is supposed to have them Friday and all I have heard is he don’t know how he is going to get food and things for them when they are there. But he can get a house that is going to cost him way more and all this. 

Plus both the boys have therapy once a week right now once we pick up speech and find another ot to work with my big boy it will be more like 3 or 4 times a week. He says he will just have to take off and take them. I know he isn’t going to. He knows why he sits there and says it he isn’t going too. It is going to make things harder to find a baby sitter because when I say oh well on this week you will have one but then these days next week you will have 4 and then only one and then other days the following week 4 again and it will always change days and weeks no one is going to want to do that. I wouldn’t when you are going to be getting paid for one kid sometimes and 4 others. Never knowing when your days are going to be off. At least if they are here and go there on weekends then it will be pretty set. If he starts taking them over there like that my mom isn’t going to watch them for me because she is going to want a break from them being there all the time. If she watches them for him and me then she will pretty much have them all the time 7 days a week just about. She is going to do that. I already know she is going to watch them for long if she dose once I start working but once I am working and have money coming in and know for the most part what my hours are going to be then I can find someone. 

I’m just so upset and mad the way he is doing. He says so I’m just supposed to pay you and see them when you say and if you don’t want me to have them then that’s just that. Like I told him no that isn’t how it is at all that wasn’t how it was before. 

Like I told him before he could have them any time he wanted too and I couldn’t force him to even take them when he was supposed to just like the summer and the one week out of the summer he was supposed to have them he couldn’t stay with them he had to skip out leave them home. Then in the next breath he has I took them before when you would call and ask if I could take them or take the baby talking about my little guy at the time so you could do stuff with the older kids. He did once or twice and took the baby because I had to go to the hospital once why the kids were in school. That was a few hours not like he took them for the day or weeks like he trying to make it out to be. 

I just want to tell him to take his fucking money and keep it and leave the kids alone take them on the weekends or whatever but not joint custody. Then I think wonder what he would say if I said ok fine you want them then you take them all the time I’ll give you custody. I’ll take them every other weekend part of the summer and a few hours once a week. See what he would say then. But my luck he wouldn’t care he would do it. I feel like telling him fine you want to do this to get out of child support I am going after alimony since you have kept me from working all this time. So you want to play games then we will play games. This will keep me from being able to move out of state like he knows that not only I want to do but the kids as well. I said something about that he said well again what am I supposed to just pay and not see them. I said no plenty of other people do it all the time you make arrangement to be able to see them. He of course had a call he got one earlier when we were trying to talk about it. He just said he would come back tomorrow evening to talk about it more. He says have you asked the kids what do they want and how do they want to do it. But they don’t know what it is really going to be like going back and forth all the time and having to go. Once it goes to court there isn’t much I can do with out going back to court and at that point I don’t know how I will because of cost and things because it will be a fight. I just feel like everything is against me and no matter how much I try to get ahead and change things something always happens to mess it up or knock me down. I love my kids I don’t want them to be shuffled around like this. I think it is really sad and wrong that the courts see nothing wrong with doing this to kids. I said what about school? He said well I thought you were going to keep home schooling them. I said yeah and if they are being shuffled around back and forth all the time how is that going to work? Well I guess we are both going to have to do it. That is going to be a desaster and a half he isn’t going to do it or half do it say he don’t know how or make up some excuse. It will be dumped on me to do and take care of the few days they are here. If we have to do the joint they are going to probably have to go back to school. It is just going to be to much chaose and confusion with me trying to work with them and show them and him working with them, dragging everything back and forth. Books will be getting tore up and lost to drag projects and things back and forth. 

I think I need to sit down and really think about this and decide how much and what I am willing to keep taking on if he is going to force this issue and make everyone do things his way. Because I can’t keep fighting and doing this and being stressed out. And I am not going to take on all this extra stuff and keep trying to do it if this is how he wants it. I know what he is thinking is that we will just keep doing things the way we are until he gets another job and finds a house or whatever. If he is going to push the issue then I am going to tell him fine you want to really do it this way then we are. I have had them the last month you have been gone you had them one night out of that month. I think it is your turn to have them starting now. So you need to figure out how to get them home go shopping and get food in the house and find a baby sitter right a way. Don’t forget he has therapy at 3 today and the other had it at 10 am tomorrow. Hope you don’t get a call in the time it takes you to drop your tow truck off get back pick them up go shopping get them home and find a baby sitter. Hope you figure it all out by the time you go to work in the morning. Because when you leave them at the house with her and it isn’t working for her and she calls me I’m going to tell her oh sorry it is your weeks to have them and she is going to have to figure out how to get a hold of you since your phone is off. Guess she is going to have to call your job hope you don’t get in trouble for having phone calls and having to drop everything and run home to take care of the kids. Because after over and over again saying he was going to do one thing and yet again doing something else why should I just keep going along and be done this way until it is convinate for him then be done this way?

I haven’t done a lot because of the kids and not wanting to put them in the middle of things and not wanting them to be hurt or everything a mess for them. But if he is going to force it then I guess I am going to have to just not worry about it and do what I got to do. I was just so upset I couldn’t help it all I just started to cry I am trying to do what is right and best for them and he is just doing it because of money and because he don’t feel he should have to pay. He has said to me for years I can’t pay you and have a place of my own. Or I shouldn’t have to pay you all the while telling me he don’t wan them all the time and he can’t handle it all the time he don’t know how I do. I just wish something would happen so me and the kids wouldn’t have to worry about this and go through it. 

I am going to go to legal aid and child support and see what they tell me. I know if I go and file and they are staying with me right now they will give it to me and tell him to take it to court for custody and visitation. I also know that without anything saying who has what from the court who ever has them can keep them. So if I let them go for the night or something then he don’t have to give them back to me. But I kind of have the upper hand there because when he goes to work I can go pick them up. Who ever has them has to give them to me and he has to tell me who is watching them because they are my kids and I have a right to know. I should just go to child support and let them go after him and then just forget about going to court unless he takes me. Let all this blow over for a while and go to legal aid in the mean time and see what they say I need to do to take care of it all once and for all. Or wait until I go to work and put some money up to get a lawyer. I know just for child support it is like $2500 retainer and then so much an hour once that runs out. But if I go to child support and just let it ride for a while unless he dose something I could get the money once I go to work probably pretty fast. I have to go to get things started with my little ones dad I may as well do it with him to because even if we file right now with the court it will be months before they get us in and he won’t pay until they do. Me and them don’t live for free like he seems to think. 

Then he has the nerve to say whats wrong why are you crying whats bothering you. I couldn’t even look at him. I just wanted to tell him what a sorry mother fucker he was and what a son of a bitch he was. How fucking dirty he was to do this to the kids because he don’t want to pay. He makes anywhere from $1900 to $2500 a month and sometimes closer to $3000 a month. He have to give me just at $700 a month if everything was right when I did the paperwork. I got to get off here try to get some sleep I have places to go and phone calls to make tomorrow. I am going to go to child support Friday when he picks the kids up. He is supposed to get her and pick them up right after he gets off work at 7. If I go right down there then maybe I can get everything I need to do there done in one day so they will then get things going on his end. But I have been told it can take them 6 months or more. I just hope if I turn everything in at one time it won’t take so long. If they say it is I don’t know what I will do then. I can’t think of the what if’s right now. I just have to do one thing at a time and figure this out. 



{April 25, 2015}   Stupid Phone

Wednesday me and father of the year got into it because again when he was supposed to take the kids and I had plans he told them he would work. That’s when I wrote Trying Not to Be A Bitch, But

Well, my friend text me after that and we were talking. We were talking about how he doesn’t come when he is supposed to, don’t pay unless he feels like it, and how he has everyone feeling poor him.

I sent him a text saying when it all goes to court and they order him to pay support then he will have to pay wanting too or not. If he don’t they will suspend his license and he can’t have that because of work. And if he don’t pay and wants to let it get behind even after they order it then I will do it. After that if he don’t they will put him in jail and if that is how it has to be then so be it. Once he is a grand or so behind they will take his taxes every year and send me as well until he gets caught up. He thinks I’m a bitch now he hasn’t seen nothing yet.

It is all very true if he don’t want to pay for his kids then he don’t need a job to have money to blow so if they suspend his license then that is his problem. But he will either rush to pay right before they do it or rush to pay it and get them back so he don’t miss work. Either way if that is what it takes to get him to pay then that isn’t my problem. If he goes to jail he will be rushing to get out of there too and calling whoever he can to get the money and get out. If it goes that far then he will not be able to post a normal bond. Whoever bonds him out will have to pay the clerk of court cash to get him out and that cash is not returned it goes for his support he is behind. But you know if he has a job making money then he should do his part. It isn’t like he don’t have a job and not making ok money. If I made what he made I could live on it with 4 kids. I couldn’t work it very well with him here because he controlled the money and paid what he wanted when he wanted and whatever he wanted on it. So there was no getting things caught up or trying to save any.

Anyway Friday I tried to call him for a couple hours with no answer. I wanted to see if he was going to get the kids and what time he thought he would. I figured he should be about half way done with the truck. So maybe a few more hours. I wanted to know if they were having dinner here or if he was making it as well. He never answered then hours later when I called it was after 2 and he said he was cleaning the stuff to put on the truck. I ask him when he started on it. He didn’t start until about lunch time. He got off at 7 am. He should have been just about done by then. When I said something it oh I slept and I got to go to the store but I got to charge the battery in the van up so I can. Why didn’t he put the battery on to charge before he started on the truck so it would be charged when he needed to go? Because this is father of the year and this is how he thinks. I will put it on when I need it then wait forever for it. I shouldn’t have said anything and there was nothing wrong with the fact that he just started and that it would be later that night before it got done.

Then I asked him to call and pay something since he is supposed to be giving me money anyway shouldn’t be a big deal right? He says yeah I can as long as you can give me the cash back when I see you. I said um your supposed to give me money you got your check right? He says yeah I got it but I don’t know how much it was I haven’t checked yet. But I got to pay rent here and get food and do this and that this week. I said and what about here? We have rent due again before you get a check and we have bills due as well and food to buy. Oh well you just don’t understand I will see if I can give you some or not. Then he calls me back later and says he has just enough to pay rent and have $10 left is all his check was for the two weeks. I don’t believe it. He been working like crazy and first out for days on end. His check last week may have been short because he had a few slow days a couple weeks ago and the way the checks run they cut funny it takes a check or so to catch up. But I don’t believe this one is that low. He says he guess he was going to have to get a pay day loan or something. Again about not knowing what he could give me and stuff. He did pay the one thing I asked him to pay that was like $31 big deal.

Then he started on me about wanting joint custody and he didn’t want to make any kind of support deal and things because he can’t afford to pay me. That if I am just going to be nasty about it and stick it to him any time he can’t pay it. I was like what are you talking about and you can’t have them all the time you work 24/7 when you don’t have them for days at a time. He says that text you sent me you must have been trying to send someone else or thought you sent to someone else. I don’t know how it happen but my stupid phone some how got switched to him and that text went to him not the person I was trying to send it to.

But you know what like I said before it’s all true and like he was talking there the way he was talking like if he can’t just pay it when he feels like then he don’t want to pay. Then he says we haven’t even figured how much you should get or anything. I have told him over and over again we need to figure this out he has yet to come over here and do the paper work and figure it out.

I got off the phone with him and sat down printed out all the paper work and jotted all the figures down worked through the worksheet to see what he should pay. If I did everything right it says he is responsible for like 71% of their care. At that 71% and what he makes it came out to $740 a month for all three kids. He kept saying oh I won’t have to pay you that much and I’m not making that much more than when we did them before. Wrong, he is making twice that or more in some months. I took his w-2 and figured everything out by that. I started to figure it out by what ssi uses to figure what my son gets but it was only for 8 months. It showed more a month than if I did over all by 12 then take out what he pays for taxes and Medicare. I figured it give a better idea what he gets a month not leave him to short a month. But I’m the bitch you know.

I haven’t told him what he is going to have to pay yet. He called back later and still wasn’t near being done with the truck. He took a break he said. A break from I don’t know what it is tore apart and all he has to do is put it back together. He hadn’t got anything put back on hardly. I guess he needed a break from riding to the store and buying the part because it is such a big hard job to do.

I like to know when he is pretty much on call 24/7 6 to 7 days straight how he thinks he is going to get a baby sitter for the kids. He don’t have time to wait for one to get there when he gets the call. Plus I don’t know anyone that is going to get up in the middle of the night and rush over there if he did. He has no where for one to stay there and try to work something out that way. Yeah he is sharing a place with my mom but that isn’t going to work with her either. She isn’t going to be there all the time. Even if she is there and they are a sleep don’t mean she is going to let him leave them why he runs all over the state to work. Hell I couldn’t leave the two little ones in their beds sleeping why I ran less than 5 miles up the road for 10 minutes to drop my son at the bus and come right back. So him going all over all the time isn’t going to work. She says they might get up she might have to give one a bottle and diaper and tell the other to lay back down let him go to the bathroom. With them all sharing a room he will wake them up getting ready to go and the radio or tablet will wake them up when calls come in. Plus writing this I hadn’t even thought of it until now he has not where for them to stay. He don’t have but two bedrooms. He has one she has one. Girls and boys are supposed to have separate rooms and kids over a year are not supposed to share with an adult. If they are going to be with him for joint custody they are going to tell him he is going to have to have proper sleeping/living arrangements for them. There is no way he can there. That and what the therapist already knows he don’t stand a chance. He still don’t know I know the things he has said and done.

I have decided to take the kids out for a fun day a few counties over. I have made lunch and drinks packed everything and printed out all the information. I better get the kids up so they can get ready. We need to be on the road in about and hour.



et cetera
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