Last night I laid there and held Mr. 8 while he cried his eyes out wanting his daddy. He asked if I could get a phone number for him. I told him he was supposed to give it to us and his address but that he did not give it to us he didn’t want us to have it. I also told him how he ran and hid when he seen me and oldest in the store.
He was talking about us going camping and said something about Sleeping Beauty going. I told him I did not know if he was going to go or not. He said but he said he would. I said I know what he said but I don’t know if he really is. We will see, he wants to we have to see what is going on when we decide to go if he can. Because we were talking about going camping before we were supposed to be together and he told the kids after so I don’t know what he is thinking. It wasn’t just us going it was us Bff, her aunt and him so just a big group trip and she even said something to the guy who’s house we were at the other night about going since then. But I don’t want Mr. 8 to get his hopes up that he is going to go and then be upset he don’t for whatever reason.
He laid there and cried and cried and started talking about if daddy was going to go to heaven again because he could see him there. I told him that was a long time away before he would be going to heaven and his dad would be going not to worry about that right now. I don’t know what to say to him or tell him. He asked me if he could give him a hug if we seen him somewhere or ran into him. I told him of course. That is when I told him that he ran away when he seen oldest in the store so I didn’t know if he would talk to us or not. He just cried and told me he just wants a daddy.
Little Bitty told me the other day I wish my daddy would come over and take care of me when you had to work. That way I wouldn’t have to go to work with you and I could see him and spend time with you.
This is killing me I woke up sick this morning stressed from it all. I have been sick all day thinking about it all. It is just one of them things that I can’t fix or do anything about for them. When me and Sleeping Beauty were supposed to be together it was like okay he isn’t daddy, I’m not looking to replace their dads but at least he cares about them, he wants to do things with them and fill in that void with them. After a while he would be that for them if it worked out and things they are young and they know who is there and who isn’t. It wouldn’t fix it 100% but at least it would be a big difference for them and for him too because he loves kids so much and wants kids and the feelings he has about his kids. They would help each other without even trying or knowing if that makes since.
I have thought about talking to Sleeping Beauty just asking him if he wants to be there for them, do things with them or what. Like the camping, or showing them how to do things or just being someone they can talk to when mom won’t do. But he has to be consistent he can’t tell them he is going to do something and not do it or what.
I don’t know. I don’t have that friend, dad, brother or what to help and fill that roll. Out of all the guys I know he is the one that is more into kids and doing things with them and wanting to do things and really cares. I mean like the one he isn’t in to kids around, he is more of a keep kids out of it what is between us is that and the less the kids know the better. I understand because he isn’t looking for a relationship and I don’t want them in it either because of it. If we were together he would be good with me kids and do things but if he isn’t he isn’t interested in that kind of things. I understand I don’t want to take more kids on than my own. My “friend” he is okay with kids but he is use to being on his own and just the one and he just awkward I guess when it comes to kids that aren’t his. Other than that I have my male bff but he is busy working all the time like me and has his wife and 5 little boys at home of his own he hardly gets to see. He don’t have time.
I think I should just leave it alone let it all play out however it is going to but I feel so bad for them. I just want life to straighten out and to catch some kind of break. My kids to just be happy for a change.