It is tomorrow and to be honest my stomach has been in knots and upset since las tnight. I went to my friends after work last night and she hight lighted my hair. To night we are going to cover the gray. I had a large coffee and it didn’t help my stomach at all. My mind is just a fog, I can be thinking of something turn around to write it down and have no clue what I was going to write. Thought of something I wanted to look up on here flipped to the page and its been an hour and I still can’t remeber what it was.

I sat here at work wrote down six legal pages of notes to take with me.

I am dreading tomorrow I hate dealing with this stuff. I’m aggregated I am missing more work and money. I am going alone. I don’t like dealing with him alone. If she is with him I look for her to try and start shit.

The best thing that could happen is they slap him in handcuffs and take him to jail until he pays something. If they do it better not be no piddly little amount. If they made him give me a couple grand it be worth it. I could pay the bitch back get her out of my house.

I am scattered on here I tired stressed and hungry. All I have wanted to do is eat for a week or more. I have just over 45 minutes of work left. I really should be staying here an extra 2 hours the next two nights but I just can’t, I am going to have to next week. Between the truck and now court and everything I need a break.  I told them we are going out tomorrow I don’t want to hear they have no money just get there.

A few weeks ago I told you about getting a notice in the mail saying me and my 8 year old had to go to court over child support. They had him listed as the one who owed and needed to come to court.

I spent around 2 hours on the phone trying to get it straight and never got a for sure answer it was taken care of. Just that it was right in their computers they would send the info on.

1. I did not want some bs showing up on him over it all because someone didn’t do their job right.

2. I did not want to go to court and him not show up because he didn’t get a notice with his name on it knowing full well it was mean for him.

I don’t know if he is going to show up or not. I truly wish I had never messed with it. I was just in a mood. I go back and forth on it. Some days it’s like yeah make him pay. Look how my kids are or going through or what. Then I snap back to reality with it is a waste of time. He isn’t going to pay it is just going to be more miss work and money to fight with him to get nothing. I am going to this date see how it all goes then decide from there what to do. I am going to ask if he can just sign up his rights and be done. If not decide where to go from there.

{February 17, 2019}   May 15, 2019

Is the day we will be going to court over child support. Well me and Father of The Year. I still have not heard anything about RC and Little Bitty.

I found a paper that said I had an online account now with them. I decided to log on to see if it said what was going on with my case and it sure did.

Everything shows it was just put up this month it shows they sent a letter to irs to take his tax return and it shows we have a court date for May 15. It did show that January something they sent a letter to suspend his license. Then when I clicked on that it says the letter was sent to him on December 21 I think and he had 20 days to pay/respond. It is past the 20 days. I check clerk of court and unless I looked something up wrong they haven’t done it. But it don’t show if he answered or anything either.

It says the motion for contempt was filed and the court date was issued on the 14 of this month. But I think the lawyer can file it and then set the date.

I open mail from yesterday and it was a letter from a lawyer telling me they are with the enforcement office and we have a court date for May 15.

But the paper only has mine and little man’s name on it and has us listed at his address. I am calling them Monday to check on all that. I am going to find out what I need to show to prove he is working as well.

I have text also from his boss to show we talked about what he owed too and him paying. I have pictures and can get more if I have to.

I am going to watch for them to say when his license is suspended and I am sending it to his boss or taking it to him. See how long he has company truck to ride around in then.

{July 12, 2018}   A Talk With Oldest

When I got home from work tonight me and oldest went up to the little store. We were talking about seeing father of the year today. We were talking about them seeing him and things.

She said she didn’t want to. She said he needs to start bringing money weekly like he said he was going to and go file the paperwork that he is supposed to file and go to court first. She said he hasn’t wanted anything to do with them in a year and a half then he needs to prove he does now and going to be consistent. Because he never follows through and does what he says. He do it a few times and then half asses it a while and then nothing. She don’t want to let him in start working on rebuilding or getting close for him to start not showing up and then not show up for another year and a half again. I do not blame her one bit. I do not think it is unreasonable for her to say you need to prove you want back in and to do that you need to do x,y,z in a timely manner. Not when you “have time” or “get to it” like you always say.

I think she is also scared that if she goes with him now he decides to take them to his house, bring her with him to see them or make them stay the night or not bring them back I can’t do anything. Our divorce papers say he gets them every Friday until Monday. So cops would not make him bring them back. I can not really tell him he can not take them around her. And they have no real say if he tells them this is how it is going to be. But if I get full custody of them he don’t have set days times to have them it is up to me if they go for how long and when. If he takes them to his house with her they call then I can pick them up because paperwork says I have custody. If he picks her up they are out they call me. I can go where they are and pick them up because of my paperwork. Now with it the way it is I would still go but if they wanted to get nasty call cops it get ugly because papers or no papers, if my kids wanted to come home they would be. Unless I ended up in jail. And there would be huge chance of that happening if they got nasty something went down. So I agree with here he needs to show he is going to do what he said. If it has to go to court first for them to feel more comfortable seeing him then he has to deal with it. If he wants to see them before that then it will probably be supervised until it goes to court. We can meet at a public place because I don’t want him in my house anymore either. We can meet at a public place they can go do their thing i sit in the truck or what until they are done. They want to go eat i will drop them off go pick them up when they are done.

He don’t like it don’t want to agree to it then I guess he don’t want to see them and spend time with them like he says and has provem over the last year and a half.

She even said tonight he needs to give us money now not a little bit here and there. He owes us our checken money on top of the child support. She said you should tell him he owes me a babysitting fee because I am the one taking care of the kids every weekend when he is supposed to have us and take care of all of us. She is right he should. But I can not press for to much because then he will say fuck it or get nasty and fight for split custody. But I know how to work it so he pays.

I think I am going to tell him I will meet him Saturday to get the money and talk to him about the kids and seeing them. I tell him I will meet him a couple hours before work up the street. I do not want the boys knowing we seen him or talked to him. I also do not want them to know he is talking about wanting to see them.

Right now we are doing the getting together and seeing them on oldest terms and conditions. Because the younger 2 are not going if she dont go. Once she decides she is ready then I will talk to the other two about it. I will let them know he wants to see them, that he has met her terms and that they can see him on their terms and if they do not want to that is fine too. It will go from there.

{May 30, 2018}   He Has A Truck

Edited to say—So I went by before dark so I could see better it is a Nissan not F150 but it is silver.

A nice new to him fucking truck. My kids have now bought him a nice “new to him” truck. Because I know he couldn’t buy one if he was paying his child support like he is supposed to. I was in a mood tonight and decided to drive by there see if I seen the work truck. I wanted to take a picture of it sitting in his driveway well after work hours. This way when he says he isn’t working he will have to explain that. I am also going to get pictures of him at breakfast and lunch with the guys and out working and cominng and going from the shop and last walk right up to the group meeting in the morning at the shop and take a picture of him there. Then let him tell the courts how he is not working.

I drove by there is a nice F150 silver or gray it look to be in color sitting in the drive. I wanted to drive my truck into it and slam it into his trailer so bad I couldn’t stand it. Knowing all the money he owes these kids and I am struggling and can’t even get by. I wanted to go knock on his door and say something but I didn’t I left because I am not giving them the chance to put me in jail. I told my bff i should go shake her tree why he is at work tomorrow. Tell her he owes me x amount of money if he don’t have it to me by Friday I was going to kick her ass and calling anyone would be the wrongest (is that a word? Is now.) Thing she would ever do.

I was already sick from stress then seen that just made it worse. He riding around nice truck, while I have to worry about if I am going to make it where I need to go and back without the front end falling from under mine and have to put my kids in it and drive them. Worry if it is going to blow up because I still haven’t gotten it fixed.

How does one lay down and sleep at night knowing how they are doinng their kids. I don’t sleep good at night even though I am here doing everything I can and can’t hardly get by. Laying here knowing I am failing them. If people even you all knew how bad things really were you be shocked and in disbelief. But they have a nice truck, go to outback all the time, always in new clothes when you see them, buying new stuff for the house everything. Makes me want to puke thinking about it all.

et cetera
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