{December 12, 2017}   When To Move

I have been thinking about moving a lot lately. Really if I could I would pack my stuff and go now and be done with it. I am so done and ready to be out of here. I told my friend the other day if she had a place I would pack me and the kids up and be at her house in a day or two. She said they are looking for a place and should have one soon that we are more than welcome to come. I would love to go the first of the year like March. My lease is up in March and I will have to sign a new one, if I don’t my rent will go up to $1000 or close to it. I don’t want to pay all that money out even for just a few months. It’s to much and will take a chunk of money I need to move on.

But if I take the classes that need to be taken at the school instead of on line then I will be stuck here until May. I am to the point that I don’t even really want to or care if I finish school or not. If it comes to having to stay here longer or moving I will pick moving any day even if I don’t get to finish at all. I will just have to figure out how to take them on line and make it work I guess if I do want to finish. Right now I am signed up for two classes that would make me stuck here but the more I work things out the more it looks like I am going to drop them two classes and do others.

Right now even if I drop them two classes and don’t take any others for now I have two certificates in May. I should have, had two at the end of this one but I messed up and dropped the wrong class. Even though I will not have my degree like I wanted by the summer, I will have all three certificates under the degree that I am working on. You can get it for Domestic Violence, aging affairs or community Health worker. Right now I have the one for Domestic Violence I will get it in the mail this month. Then I will have the other two by Summer, I can get them rather I move or not because I am taking all the classes on line. If I move in the middle I can still do them and just take my exams through a testing site so I don’t have to go to the school. Worse case I think it is about a day drive, I could always drive down take them and drive back. But that is worse case, I really don’t think I will have to do that.

I have been talking to my friend and I am really thinking that I am going to go up by where she is. At least there I will have help and things. She says that I can get a place the size of mine for what I am paying or hundreds less in nice areas. I can always go there get a place for 6 months to a year and see how I like it. If I don’t then I can branch out and find something a county or city over somewhere.

{August 8, 2015}   A.A. vs. A.S.

Well I was saying that the other day I posted about wanting to change from my a.a to an a.s but I guess I wrote that post in my head. Because now looking for it I don’t see it. But anyway I can write it now.

After taking the two classes over the summer and looking at classes to decide what ones to take next I started thinking that maybe I really don’t want to go for my a.a degree after all and maybe switching to a a.s would be better. I really would like to do counselling but I don’t think going to be a Social worker is the way I want to go about doing it. I would like to work with a youth group or something like that and I don’t think that Social worker is what they are looking for in that kind of position. I am going to set a time to talk to the preacher at church about it and see what he says.

Also looking more at it and all the classes you have to take most aren’t things I want to take or interested in. Then I have to have 2 to 4 classes in each area. I picked a couple I didn’t think I would mind taking and might get into. I started looking at all the other programs and things the college has to offer and think maybe my A.S in Business Management would be good to get. I was looking at classes for entrepreneurs, a lot of those classes carry over to the A.S. degree. There were two different sets of classes to take for the entrepreneur certificate and it looks like if I go for the A.S it covers them all, I could get the two certificates as I finish them and have them and then have my degree in the end.

I thought maybe I should do the certificate classes get them and they may help me get a job or figure out something small I could start on my own to make money while I finish my degree. Then once I got my degree I could look into taking the classes to do the counselling that I want to do. When I finish that I will have what I need to open and run my own office on the business side of things and what I need to start building up clients and treating them. It could be a win/win in the long run.

But then it seems like a lot to get both. I really want to do the counselling but I really hate all the extra classes you have to take to get it. If I could just take the core classes I need and be done I wouldn’t mind doing it. That is what I like about the A.S most of it is classes that has to do with what I want to do when I am done. They are classes that interest me. But then my thing is in the long wrong will the work I end up doing if I don’t end up having my own business be something I enjoy. Where now if I take the other classes commit the 8 years and do it, I may not enjoy the classes and the time now but I will enjoy the work in the end. At least I hope I will since it is something I have wanted to do for so long.

I know it is going to be hard for me to do the other classes since I am not into them and things when I have to be working and things too. It will make it harder to put in the effert to put in the time and things I need to be putting in to make the grades I want to make.

Like this summer the one class I took didn’t end up being what I thought it was and it was hard with the time I had to get the grade I wanted in the class. Where as when it is something I am interested in I can pick it up pretty fast. I don’t find it so hard to read it and study it. The only thing that I don’t take with my A.S that I really wanted to take is two years of a language, but I may be able to take it as electives depending on how many and what ones I need.

I am going Monday to straighten school out for me and the kids. I’m just going to talk to them about it all when I go in to get my classes set for this term and go from there.

{May 14, 2015}   The Test

In 13 1/2 hours I will be sitting in front of a computer taking a test. I have not been in school since May of 1999. Other than when I took my massage therapy class and that was way different than this. I can not believe that May 17 will be 16 years since I graduated high school.

I look back and wonder where the time went and feel I have wasted half my life or more. I’m going to be almost 42 when I finish collage. Then I still have a 3 year intern-ship to do. I will be 45 before I can even think about working in the field I want to go into. What teen or teen mom is going to want to listen to some 45 year old social worker tell them what they need or how to do things?

I feel like I have failed my kids and that I should have done better before I ever had them. I try to figure out why I didn’t do things different and why I things aren’t better for them.

I look back I wanted to do so much when I finished school. But all I was ever given was a hard time told how I couldn’t do it wouldn’t do it, picked on and made fun off all the time. I was never really encouraged to go to school beyond high school. Like I said I was told I never finish that, why would there be talk of collage? My mom wasn’t one of them mom’s who wanted to know your plans after high school. She wasn’t one to sit down and look schools and programs up with you and try to help you pick the best one  and how to pay for it and things like that. It was one of them things that was just never brought up or talked about. If it was it was never nothing more than go over to the local school see what they had to offer. Then it was why would you take that.

I wanted to go to the college and take some classes but I knew how things were at home and I knew that I wouldn’t be able to do that and be living in my moms house. I didn’t make enough to live on my own. I wasn’t allowed to have a car or license. If things weren’t done just so even when I was grown it was fucking hell and miserable. So I just worked and worked some more until I was finally able to get a way out I thought was pretty solid and going to be ok. Things just kind of went from there and here I am today. Things didn’t work out like I planed so I didn’t get to go to school them. I went back to work to have a place to stay. Then I had kids and I through all my time into them and working. I got that job at the bail bonds and I loved it figured I do that forever. Then the bottom fell out of that my marriage went to shit and here I sit.

My dad was the only one who ever pushed me to go to school I don’t know why I didn’t go stay with him once I got out of high school and done things different. He wasn’t around a lot for my to stay with and he had my uncle there that I couldn’t stay with. He been in jail for things and I couldn’t be around him. I don’t know I’m sure if I had told my dad I wanted to stay there he would have told him he had to go somewhere else. But I can’t even think about that right now because that just goes somewhere that tonight I can’t go. I can’t think about how things may have been different and how they would have maybe changed the way things were the last year or so. Because I am barely holding it together right now with all the stress.

But my dad always wanted me to finish school it really ment a lot to him. He wanted me to go on to college. He would of helped anyway he could. But as far as being that person to sit down help me figure everything out that wasn’t him. I went to the schools to try to get help I just felt like i didn’t belong and because I had no clue what I was doing they looked at me like I was stupid. Why wouldn’t they that’s how everyone else treated me. But I was I had never been shown anything about trying to go to collage or how to decide what to go for and what classes to take. Or to even get aid to go. When I was in high school and tried to go I was told I wasn’t able to go. My grades and things weren’t good enough. I later found out that my grades were fine. They weren’t honer roll but I was passing and if I had been allowed to do college classes it would have made me want to do better. But even when I tried I was getting no where and told no. I gave up did what I had to do to pass the classes to finish to prove others wrong and do it for my dad. That was it. I guess they wanted to save the spots for the kids who made the perfect grades. Not those of us who did the best we could and had to work a little extra at it.

I have looked at the test once since I started all this the other week. I really don’t know if i am going to do very well. I was told I can still take classes it will just determine what ones I may have to do some remedial classes. I don’t want to have to do that because if I do that is going to take money from my other classes I need to take. The math I really don’t think I am going to pass. The writing reading I can score high enough in most the time. I am going to study some tonight and some tomorrow before I go. I am not a good test taker. The class work I get it I can study it and score great on it’s just when it comes to test. I don’t know why even when I think I am doing good I end up making just enough to pass.

All the other stress going on right now don’t help. Even now my mom keeps saying why are you doing for that why don’t you go for business or something like that. I don’t want to go for business, do you know how many people go for a two year business degree? It use to be the big thing what everyone was talking when I first finished school. Just to be able to say they had a degree so places would hire them. I don’t want something just to say I have it. I want it because it is something I want to do when I get done and set out to go to work. When it comes down to it there are people out there with more than a two year degree fighting for the same jobs I’m trying to get with no degree. Even a two year degree in business isn’t getting to many people to far any more. I figure if I am going to put the time and money into something I want to make it worth my time and money. I am going to go walk the dogs and try to study a little and try to get some sleep tonight. It is already 12:30 am can’t stay up to much later.

et cetera
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