A Large Pizza

I sit here at my day job with half a large pizza fighting the erg not to eat it. I ordered lunch for me and Pops today. I was going to get the small but the large was just a few dollars more and met the amount I had to have in order for it to be delivered.

After being so excited about losing all the weight and now wanting to eat a half a pizza. We both had two slices there are 4 left. I figure I would take it with me to my other job tonight me and the guy I work with could eat it. But now I have sat here for hours fighting not to eat it. I figure I could eat another slice or two now and then the others for dinner tonight. But that is still way to much pizza to eat for one person in one day. I had never had pizza from this place before but it was really good so it makes it even harder to not sit here and eat the other 4 slices.

I don’t know why I am writing this other than a place to vent and a distraction from eating the pizza the next 20 minutes before I can leave. To share that like everyone else I just want to pig out and binge eat when there is nothing to do and food sitting here. I don’t binge when I am stressed or mad or depressed even like a lot of people. Mine is when I am bored and there is nothing to do. Then I will look for something to eat just to eat.

It Was a Dark and Stormy Night

I worked all night last night running in and out in the pouring rain. As soon as I would get back they would say you have another delivery or two more deliveries. I would bag them up and off I would go. The first two I went on yards and driveways were flooded. I ended up in ankle deep water so my socks and shoes were soaked. I hate shoes already and then add wet soaks and shoes for hours. This was 5 pm.

Its 8 something I get my last two deliveries. I almost asked My Good Friend if he wanted to take them or take the one going out to the groves. Its an area you can have horses in your yard, house sit on an acre or more probably. They have paved main roads most the side roads are still dirt. You get far enough back there they do not have electric or water. But it’s nice out there, I would live out there in a minute. Most the houses are nice good size, everyone keeps to theirselves and do what they want have what they want. Being out like that there are few to no street lights and black asfault roads make it hard to see. Add raining on top of that. With my lights the way they are I have a horrible time seeing out there at night and seeing the addresses on the boxes. The owner gave me the slip said she is at the end last house on the left. I thought okay I can do this I know where it is easy to find and I really need the money I will take them. I knew my friend probably did not want to run all the way out there either.

I get lost taking my first order because no one had their address up where you could see it. Not on their trailers or mailboxes. My gps said I was there it was the wrong house. It told me that about every house on the street. Lucky I only got out at one they were assholes. I finally called the people and was able to find it. Dropped it and was off to my next one. The one out where it is hard to see.

I get there the lady comes out I give her the pizza we talk about the fact it is still raining but starting to stop. Now that it is time for me to go home, I leave. I did not pull all the way up into her drive when I parked. I got in put my paper away wrote down my tip and was starting to back out. My phone rang it was my boss asking if I was headed back. I told her I was just leaving the last one. She telling me to hurry up she is aggravated. I am backing out as I am talking to her and cars are coming from three directions. I decide I will back onto the side of the road so I can see the traffic better and then just pull out. This is what I am doing as I am talking with boss she said something we were saying by and bam something happen. My truck fell,front end is in the air back is on the ground or something. I yelled as the phone fell and the truck bounced and shifted slammed around. I figured she heard me yell and everything but she was gone when I found my phone.

Wasn’t 5 seconds I bet there was blue lights behind me. I was calling my Bff and her husband my boss from the shop. I ask if he had the wrecker she said no. I ask if he get his truck come out there she said okay they were headed home they pick it up be there in a bit.

About that time the cop walked up to my window. I roll it down he ask HOW I’m doing and WHAT I am doing?

By now it is 9 I am soaked my shoes and socks are still soaked, I am dying of thirst. All I was thinking was I was going back to the pizza place get my money and drink, then as soon as I got back in the truck I was taking my shoes and socks off. Then this happens infront of two cops. He is going to ask how I am doing and what I am doing. Loaded question.

Before I even thought I said not very well and I guess backing into a fucking ditch as you seen. And now I don’t even know if I can get out of my truck or if it is going to shift, fall more or flip if I try and it messes with the weight on the truck.

He says um I mean do you live here? Why are you out here, where are you going or what? ūüėā

I said no I was delivering pizza’s and was trying to back out and leave.

He said okay just wait a second don’t move. He walked around the truck and said your safe to get out, you really did it there are two wheels off the ground but it’s pretty framed up I don’t think its going anywhere. Go ahead get out. He held the door because it was trying slam closed.

I told him I had someone coming to get me out right away as well. I did not want him to call a tow truck. There is no way I could pay that bill and they would of taken my truck. It is so much a mile on their way there and then so much to hook to it and after that it is so much for every 10 to $15 minutes they are there trying to get you put. It been over $200 by the time they had gotten it out. Probably close to $300 or more.

My Good Friend said I should of told him I done it to see if I could pick up a good looking cop.

In a bit this truck pulled up. I thought it was my friend it was two boys. They stopped was trying figure a way to get it out and help me. The problem was back passenger tire was in the ditch not on ground because there is an embankment I went over. Then front tire on driver side was off the ground the was it slid in there. The worse of it was there was a ditch a couple feet infront of me as well. These are deep water filled ditches not just grass side of the road drainage gets some water if it rains ditches. So we can’t pull it out backwards or the front will slam down into the ditch and they can’t get infront and pull because they will be in the ditch.

Tje boys were on the phone calling talking to people trying to figure out the best way to get it out and help. The cop was saying it probably have to be lifted out but how. The boys said lets get the loader we can lift the backend up and sit it back up there in just a minute. They called and it was in a couple cities over to far away. My friend finally got there with his truck he hooked to it from the side in the front and started pulling it. His tires started spinning because his 4×4 axel is broke he couldn’t lock it into 4wheel drive. It slung mud and dirt up over my truck amd all over my windows. I was scared the chain or strap was going to break and come through the windshield at me. I could feel my truck rocking, sliding and shifting. I was scared if it did break I was going to just go the rest of the way down into the ditch. Or roll down in there on the side. I had ask the boys if they would get in do what had to be done when they got there I was so upset stressed. They had said yes. But then when boss got there he just said get in I’m going to do this this this and when this this and this happens I will do this and you should be good. One of the boys took their truck up the street and turned around headed toward us and stopped in the street to block traffice coming at us and the other was helping the cop and boss stop traffic, hook up and watching my truck and what it was doing while he was snatching on it trying to pull it out. He can only see so much in the mirror and not being able put my window down I wasn’t able to call to him and couldn’t see what was going on either. But by that point I had calmes down and was able to do what he needed me to in order to get out. The way he had to pull me at an angle it bent the brackets to my bumper so it’s jacked up again. But at least that is the worse that happen. He had to pull out caddy corner across both lanes of traffice because of not being able to hook to it from the from front or back.

Thank God for friends. I talked to my Good Friend when I called work and told them what happen and ask him to come help me. But then I called back for something told him just go home because he just has a mini van the boys were there with a big truck amd boss was on his way with his. I knew between the two they could get me out. My Bff said they had some boys out there not far from where we were he was going to call that did have 4×4 if we had to have it.

the back tire down over the embankment of the ditch. Almost hit water.

you can’t really tell here but this is the front tire on the driver side thats off the ground.

my back bumper was on the ground at my feet. Can’t even see the tow package.

mud all inside my truck even with the window closed. From opening and closing the door and it being all over the outside of the truck.

my poor bumper that is the 3rd bumper since I got the truck. I don’t think it is meant to have one. They say its just the brackets guess we will see when I have money to mess with it.

My boss for the pizza place came out to where I was and picked up the money and said to let her know when I got out and if I could work today or not. I talked to her later she said she left my tips at the shop that I made $60 in tips. I am surprised because I thought I only made about $35/$40. But I think I must of forgot a few. I did more runs I think but made less per run on a lot of them but it evened out in the end having more runs.

Now I have to get off here and go have another exciting night of Pizza delivers. Ii can’t wait to beable to stop doing this.

Pregnancy, Labor, Delivery

I am so aggravated right now, my niece is in the hospital being forced into labor and everyone is talking about epidurals and the baby being to stubborn because she won’t get out. I just want to scream shut the fuck up educate her and support her not set her up for failure.

She isn’t even 21 yet and this is her first baby, so there is a lot she don’t understand or know and baby is a week late. I understand that I was there with my first as well. She wasn’t late but she waited right up until the last minute to decide to come. she came two days before her due date, it was a horrible labor and delivery because there was no one not even my midwife around for support and to answer even simple basic questions I had. I was almost an “emergency” c section because of it all and my midwife was the one who started my ball rolling that way. Since then I have had two great births and one I only remember parts of. My first and the one I only remember parts of are why my last two were so much better. I decided to educate myself since I felt all the information I was getting was not in the best interest of myself or baby and coming from uneducated people. They aren’t stupid they are just followers and the easiest way kind of people. The doctor said it so it must be true and safe kind of people. I am not that way at all just because the doctor said it don’t mean it is true and even if it is true it don’t mean they are giving you ALL the information they could be.

Example someone getting their gallbladder out, ask the doctor is it safe or the risk? They laugh oh gallbladders we take them out all the time. Do they tell you this many people have these side effects from it sometimes for life? Or that you run a higher risk for liver problems no. Just that it is safe and they do 100’s of them. Sure the surgery might be safe but what are the after effects? What are the worse case? How often do they happen?

Back to the pregnant mamma who is ready to have her baby, they tell her if you go over 40 weeks we will run test and set you up to be induced. Don’t worry we induce all the time baby will be here with in no time. They don’t say if we induce you, your risk of c section goes way up. They do not tell them that labor once it starts from being induced is harder and stronger than going natural upping the chances of getting an epidural and raising your risk of c section even higher. They don’t say that the epidural can slow labor down and cause a need for a catheter¬†that can cause infection. They tell you if your cervix is not ready they will start with cervidil to soften it and that should get things going and most think this is going to magically bring on labor. They tell you then they will give you potocin if it don’t or to help things along once it has done what it should or if it don’t. This is where your chances for c section really jump and things start on their downhill roll. Because once the contractions start you are doubled over in pain almost from the start. They do not come on weak and get stronger as time goes, they come on strong and hard and just keep building. Everyone does like they are doing my niece right now oh it will all be worth it and just hang in there as soon as you get to 4 you can have your epidural you won’t feel anything then.

My niece has been complaining about baby not coming and things for the last couple of weeks as any of us who have kids did lets face it the last few weeks are miserable, you can’t sleep, you can’t hardly walk, your hot all the time, you feel like your as big as a house and you just want to meet your baby. It’s understandable trust me I know, carried 4 babies through the summer working and being mom all along or ended up on bed rest only to try and do for the other kids and not risk the baby. Pregnancy is hard labor and delivery is the easy part if you let your body do what it was maid to do and not rush it.

My niece was all excited last week they had a date set to be induced their baby was going to be here. I told her not to do it, get the test if everything was fine give her body and the baby more time. I told her that being induced was a last resort and horrible way to go about labor and delivery if there was no medical reason for it. I got told to leave her alone and stop scaring her by other family. Her friends all told her how it was no big deal they were induced for this reason or that. Some just because it fit their timing better.

Well she went in at 4 yesterday and they gave her the cervidil and this morning they started her on potosin. Around 11 I think she said she was just at 1 cm and in a lot of pain. Again everyone chimed in don’t worry you will be at 4 in no time and have your epidural. Then they were asking if her water had broke. She said no not yet, they were telling her if they broke her water it should help get things moving as well. But no one bothers to tell you that once they do that you are on a time frame to progress and have baby or get a c section. I think they told me that if you haven’t had the baby with in 12 hours they start wanting to do one.

I am just so mad that everyone sits back and tells her all this stuff and makes it seem like no big deal and tells you to stop scaring her when you try to tell her the truth and help her made a truly informed decision for herself and the baby. I’m not just talking out my ass or going by doctor google or something I am a trained duala. People will pay me to be at their births and give them information like this. I would have gotten a sitter and went to be with her if she had wanted me to, I could show her ways to deal with the pain and help with it, positions to try to help things along with breastfeeding and things after if she wanted it. But she listen to everyone else tell her oh it is fine just get induced.

Do they not know that our country is ranked one of the highest for infant deaths at birth? And one of the highest c section rates? We did not get to be the highest or one of the highest in the world because all the interventions they use are 100% safe and should be used like candy to shut a crying kid up because you don’t want to deal with them. It is this way because our country can’t wait for anything anymore they want everything right now. It is to much to wait for a baby to finish growing and developing we have to induce and make it come right now. Everything has to go right by the book every one has to be cookie cutter if not then something is wrong we must make it match. If there is no medical reason, all test are showing fine that women can not go to 41, or 42¬†weeks. Hell my moms friend said back in the 80’s her son was a month late before he finally came. Guess what he had no problems he was healthy. I had another friend they told his wife she was measuring to big she had to be farther along than she thought there was no way she was only x weeks. They induced her, guess what? The baby is blind, the baby had a feeding tube for a long time, the baby had other problems and is very delayed. Because she was just measuring big she was not farther along.

Also did you know that their ultrasound test are only guesses at how big baby is? Everyone gets the ultrasound and they tell them baby is this or that big. It is a guess, I was told they can be off by as much as 2 lbs either way. But they can be even farther off than that. They kept telling they hoped my son would get to 5lbs a week later I had him he was well over 7. They just told me he wasn’t even 5 yet. My last one they told me my baby would probably be 4 lbs no way she would be over she was measuring to small. She was 6 even.

I wish people would educate their self one things and not tell others oh your going to scare someone or don’t tell them that when they know what they are talking about. If you are having a kid then you should be able to handle being told the truth about labor delivery and being induced. You shouldn’t need it sugar coated and your shouldn’t want it sugar coated and walk in and end up blindsided by it all as the snowball rolls down the hill.

People do not follow your doctor blindly just because they say this or that does not mean they have your best interest in mind when they are telling you. Should they? Yes, Do they? Not always, they have that date with their wife tonight, or that thing at their kids school they need to get to or any other number of things. Really build a re pore with your doctor, research and check things they tell you out to see¬†if it is in your best interest or just what works best for them. When it comes to labor and delivery a midwife is not always better, or just because she is a midwife and supposed to be so for supporting mom and best interest of mom and baby and all that does not mean she really is and really does what is in mom or baby’s best interest and not what is in hers.

If your doctor or midwife comes in and tells you your leaking fluid we have to induce because you have to have baby with in so long after your water breaks, they are lying, one there is a difference in leaking and water breaking. Your water can leak for a while before full labor starts, your body is always making more water as well so it won’t magically run out of water in a short time. Even if your water breaks as long as everyone keeps their hands out of there you are safe for a lot longer than they tell you and again your body is always making new water. I can contest to this first hand. My 3 rd baby water broke at 730 in the morning, I did not have him until 9 something that night, I still had water running down my leg every time I got up to walk around or go to the bathroom. Some women’s water will break or start leaking really early they will put them on strict bed rest some for weeks to try to keep them from going into labor because it is to early. If baby had to come out with in so many hours of water leaking or breaking they would’t be able to do that. If it is broke because it is time to have baby then baby is on it’s way out it just takes a little time sometimes not everyone has the baby with in 12 hours and others have them with in hours, again the cookie cutter we are all supposed to fit into.

This is what my midwife told me when I got to the hospital a few hours after my water started leaking. I had to have the baby with in x time because it was leaking. It didn’t sound right to me but I was young it was my first baby and I had no one else to ask or talk to about it. I was there so I let them do what they needed to do. Even though it wasn’t what I wanted or wanted to do at all. I wasn’t even 4 cm so they could have sent me home and told me to come back when my contractions had started better and closer together, because I wasn’t really having them at all a that point. Most hospitals will not keep you they send you home and tell you your not in labor until your at a 4 around here. So again I thought it was odd she was keeping me and going to induce me. I later figured out that I think she kept me and induced me because it was around 9 or 10 when I got there and she had to be called to the hospital. I think she thought if she induced me with my water already leaking I would probably go into labor and have her in just a little bit and she could then go home for the night. If she just sent me home and told me to come back when contractions were this or that then I could of ended up back in there in an hour or two, some time in the middle of the night or maybe not even until the next day. I think she didn’t want to risk having to come back out in the middle of the night if she sent me home. Again if she induced me then baby should be here by midnight and she be home for the night. But that isn’t what happen it didn’t work and baby didn’t come until the next day. I had a horrible labor all kinds of questions and she laid somewhere and slept for the night in the hospital and never once would come to my room to check on me and answer my questions. Hearing other stories of the way she did people I believe this is why she done me that way.

When I went into labor a year and half later with my 2nd baby my water just started leaking. I went to hospital because of blood and I was high risk so I was told to get there at any sign of blood. I got there around 10 the doctor got out of her c section she was doing and talked to me about 11. She said it was okay the blood wasn’t anything to worry about and not from me being high risk. She then said she was going home she would check in on me in the morning before she went into the office or if she got called back in the night. That if I needed anything they would take care of me or call her if I needed her. I said but my water is leaking don’t you have to induce so that I have the baby by x amount of time? She said nope it hasn’t broke it is only leaking baby is fine there is no need to induce your body knows what to do and will do what it needs to do. I have delivered 8 babies 2 of them c sections I am going home for the night because you are fine. You need to get some rest before labor hits you so you can be ready too. She said if I induce you now it is just going to put you on that time table your talking about and we don’t want to do that. If you haven’t had him in the morning and you want to talk about it then we can talk about inducing but I don’t think you should then either if he is fine. So same thing as with my first water was leaking but the doctor didn’t want to do anything and let my body to what it is supposed to do but my midwife with my first couldn’t get the iv in my arm fast enough and hook up the induction fast enough and then had them up it every 30 minutes to try and force it to start. That doctor dilvered 3 of my 4 kids I never looked for a midwife or another doctor after my experience with her through out my pregnancy, labor and delivery. I say I want this or that and she say that is fine or we can do it this way but not that way is that okay I said how I wanted my labor and delivery went as long as there was nothing medically that had to be done. Even during my pregnancy a lot of doctors say you have to get all these test and things I only got the ones that I wanted to get. I would ask her what it was for, what the risk to the baby were, I ask her ok so it shows this or that but how right is it? What are the chances of it being this or that for real or what are the chances of it being wrong and nothing is wrong? What are the chances of it saying everything is fine and turns out something is wrong? She would tell me and say but if it say something is then we have this or that test to look at things more. I say so what are the odds of it being right and wrong? If I didn’t feel they were good enough odds or that is really was a shot in the dark either way then I say no I don’t think I want that she said ok I didn’t think you would but we have to offer it. She is the only doctor that I can truly say if I was not able to ask a lot of questions and things and just needed to decide what way to go and what to do I feel I could trust her to give me the best advice and not tell me something she wouldn’t do if it was herself. I wish she was a regular doctor and I could see her for everything.

I didn’t get back to finish this earlier so here I am in the middle of the night as it is most times. Well I hadn’t looked in a while but the last time I had looked they said around 5 that she had until 7 to get to 6 cm from the 4 she was at. But no one ever answered. I looked a few hours ago and she still hadn’t had her and they said they had broke her water earlier this morning sometime. I am guessing that is why the doctor told her she needed to be progressed to a 6 or more by that time. If she hadn’t gotten to a 6 they were probably going to tell her she was “failing” to progress and needed to start talking about and planing ¬†c section. But she had so she was still okay for the time being.

I hate the way they do women and especially the younger girls who go in to have babies who really don’t know anything and don’t think or know to ask or what to ask or think about. I think all new moms to be should take the duala training class. It is a weekend class two or three days so less than most child birth classes and they would learn 100 x’s more information than any childbirth class and it would probably lower our infant death rate at the time of birth and the c section rate and the induction rates. Yes people make a lot of money being a doula but I am all for it being a class insurance covers and all new moms to be getting the training for their own information. Because it is very good and very helpful information.

Well I was just told we have a baby born at 1145 pm, she was 6 lbs 9 oz. She was a few oz bigger than my oldest but looks a lot fatter than my oldest was. My oldest was long I bet she isn’t as long as my niece and her boyfriend are not that tall. Father of the year is 6’3 all three of my kids were over 19 inches close to 20 but my last. She was my Little Bitty but her daddy is only a few inches taller than me. ¬†I am just glad she is here and everything didn’t lead to a c section. She says she is never having anymore kids.

13 Years Ago

At this time I was laying in the hospital in labor with my oldest. My water hadn’t broke but it started leaking about dinner time the evening before. I waited awhile before I told anyone and called the midwife. We got to the hospital around 10 pm. The midwife told me on the phone not to expect to stay it was probably not my water. She said bring a bag in case but not to plan to stay. She also told me I couldn’t go to the hospital I wanted to go to like the others had told me I could. She wasn’t to friendly at all when I called and I wasn’t happy to hear she was the one on call when I called in. I took a shower and went over there. They got me in the room, checked me and did some little test. It was my water leaking. Since it was leaking she said I had to stay but I wasn’t really dilated yet. She said we had to hook me up to poticen to get labor started since my water had been broke for all those hours before I came in. I said it was just leaking a little not broke but she said it didn’t matter hospital rules. At the time I really didn’t care to much I just wanted to have this baby and have it over with. She was due in two days and I was ready for her to have been here a week or two before. She wasn’t due until Feb the 2nd and She dropped really low December the 8 th. I was huge and miserable as well. I had went from 108 pounds to 148 pounds. I had never been anywhere near that big in my life. If they were going to make her get out lets do it. I been begging them to do it before now they wouldn’t. I din’t know a lot of things I know now that I knew then or things would not have went the way they did.

They hooked me to the pit and waited for something to happen and it didn’t. They decided they needed to up it every half hour until contractions started. They never really did start good until about 230 am when all of a sudden my water broke. From then on the contractions started and they started hitting hard. Not only that but I started to shake and feel sick after a little bit, I puked up everything I had eaten that day and then some it felt like. After that I still couldn’t stop shaking, I looked like I was having convolutions or something. I was having some contractions but nothing major and not close together really so it wasn’t from that. I really wasn’t in pain just shaking. I asked to talk to the midwife they told me she be in. I asked a few times she never came in. I told them finally I wanted an epidural so they said that she would be in to check me before they gave it because they don’t like to give it to soon but can’t give it to far along either. She never came in, I asked for her again and was told she decided to wait until they put it in to check me so it wouldn’t hurt as bad. I wanted to talk to her before I got it but could not get her in there. I finally just got it without talking to her. They came in to do it and told Father of the Year he had to leave until they were done. I wasn’t happy about that but if that what it took to get it see yeah later. I just wanted to stop shaking. The nurse gave me a pillow and told me to hold it in front of me and bend around it into a ball arching my back and not to move. They said they couldn’t put it in if I was moving. They said they wanted to do it during a contraction it wouldn’t hurt as bad. Fuck that how am I supposed to not move during a contraction? They guy doing it got a little angry with my for moving but the nurse who was with me then was great she said something to him about the way he was acting and because he was getting mad he wanted to get it done and get out of there. It wasn’t even like he been there long or tried a million times and I was just not doing what he was asking. I moved twice and that was because of the contraction. He finally done it between them and it hurt it hurt like hell. But it was in and now I would get some relief from the shaking.

Or so I thought I would get relief¬†from the shaking it didn’t go away and to make matters worse I started itching. Not just a little itch here or there I was itching all over my back and chest. I was scratching like crazy telling Father of the Year to scratch my back and everything. He kept saying he was and it just felt like he was rubbing it not scratching it. I asked them and they said oh no it was normal it was just a reaction but they didn’t have to take it out. I guess he put it in the wrong spot as well because I was numb from about my breast down. Right after they put it in and I got back to my room or they left my room not sure if I left or they came to me but either way I was in my room everyone was gone. In a minute the nurse comes in and starts looking at the print out of the contractions and watching the machine and I could tell something wasn’t right. She said that my contractions were coming on top of each other one after the other they just kept peaking but not dropping. By now I wasn’t feeling anything. They turned the pit down and sat there with me for a little bit and they finally went back to normal. I felt like I had to go to the bathroom every 5 minutes and all I could do now was use the bed pan. They dropped me off of it and almost into the floor because they didn’t have a hold of me good and let go after they got me lifted off the bed and I couldn’t feel my legs or do anything for my self. I hated the feeling from it and wished I had not gotten it because I was still shaking and it just made me itch and maid things worse.

The midwife finally came in at 6.30¬†told me that I was around 3 cm I wouldn’t have the baby before lunch at least maybe longer. She said they needed to put a catheter in because I wasn’t draining my balder and it was slowing labor. I didn’t want it but she said I needed it blah blah c section blah blah. I said ok fine and let them do it. After she did that and told me a few other things she left my room. In 30 minutes I told Father of the Year I needed to push. He just looked at me, I called for the nurse and she came in I told her I needed to push. She said oh you aren’t that far you were just at 3 a little bit ago you probably just feel like that because of the catheter. I said no I am ready to push where is the midwife? She said oh she left already and the other one isn’t here yet let me check you. She checked me and said oh your right she is right there stop pushing and just wait the other midwife will be here in a little bit and went on getting the room ready and just walking around like nothing. I said um no I have to push she kept saying just breath through it just breath through it. I told her I couldn’t and this went on for about 20 minutes me wanting me to not push. I tried not to but it got bad I told Father of the Year I was pushing he better get over there to catch the baby. He looked at me and kind of chuckled. I said I am not joking I mean it I am pushing now you better get over there. Then he looked horrified and about that time the other midwife came in. I pushed some but by that point with trying not to push and breathing through them and things I lost the urge to push. Then the heart rate dropped and they called for the doctor to be called then in a minute her heart rate dropped again and they yelled that the doctor was to already be called why wasn’t he. He came in he told me I wasn’t pushing right and all this bullshit after they told me not to for so long. The midwife cut me then he cut me again there was still problems. They kept trying the vacuum it kept coming off her head. It was such a horrible delivery I was so tired and felt so bad because of the way the doctor and was treating me and everyone rushing around. I had a really hard time bonding with my baby after all that and everything. It was months and months before I really felt a bond with her.

I finally had her at 756 am just 5 hours after my water broke She was 6 lbs 4 oz and 19 inches long. She was tiny she wore preemie clothes for the first few months. By 4 months old she was 20 lbs and wearing year old clothes.

Today she is a tall, gorgeous, funny and wicked smart 13 year old. I can not believe all that we have been through together in 13 years. In ways it seems like she shouldn’t be this old yet and then thinking about everything it seems like she should be older. Really she is much older and smarter than 13 but she is a really good kid over all.

I hope she had a great day and I can’t wait to surprise her with a party or something.

My First Birth

I attended my first birth since becoming a doula for ever ago. It’s only been 5 years but it seems like forever ago. My sister had her sister had her baby Saturday morning after being in labor for over 24 hours. She text me at like 10 asking me what I was doing Friday morning and says her contractions were 5 minutes apart. She had been having them since about 7 in the morning. She has been 3 cm dialated for the last 3 weeks. I am her ride you would think she would have bothered to call me sooner. I had just went shopping for stuff for the kids teachers and stopped to get the little ones breakfast. I was headed home.

I had to take a shower get the teacher gifts put together take one all the way up to my oldest school and drop it off. Then get back pass my house the other direction about as far a way to pick up father of the year from work by 12. We had to be at my son’s end of year play by 1 across town back the other way.

I called and called looking for someone to pick up the little kids until 12 and then pick up father of the year and bring him to get my truck so he could take the kids and go to the end of year play. Out of everyone not one person could come watch the kids. I ended up having to take them with me. So here we go to the hospital with her and her husband, daughter me and two of my kids. We pulled up and I just gave them my keys to park the truck pulled everyone out and went inside.

They got us up to L & D but wouldn’t let any of the kids go back with her. They got her settled in and she was still only at 3 and contractions still coming every 5. I finally had to leave and go get father of the year from work so he could get the kids and go to the others school play. I didn’t go because we figured she would be having the baby anytime. Once we got back up there they had her in a room and we were allowed to go back.

She was having contractions but they weren’t painful or bothering her. She had asked them to get up and walk and they told her the baby’s heart rate was to high they wanted it to come down some. They were wanting to break her water since it hadn’t broke but she didn’t want them too. They told her that they would check her every two hours and wanted to break it in two if she hadn’t had him and things hadn’t picked up. They told her two hours after that they would hook her to pit if things weren’t moving along. The baby’s heart rate finally dropped to a good range and they let her get up and walk. When it was time to check her she had made it to 4 cm. They wanted to break her water she refused. Every time they checked her they were pushing to break her water. She was moving along at about 1 cm every two hours. Not bad if you ask me, and she still wasn’t having any pain. They checked and she was at 5 then 6. At 5 they said something again about breaking her water. She asked the nurse if she had to do it and she told her no they couldn’t make her have the baby. But it would speed things up. I said but it could slow things down and once the water is broke she is on a timetable to have the baby or have a csection right? And if it stalls they ware going to give her pit for sure to try and jump start things back up. She said well yeah that could happen too. But she never told her this and wasn’t going to. She acted like she didn’t like it that I told her and was saying anything. But they would if they aren’t I am going to say something. Someone new came in and checked her and she was at 6 and they told her the baby was sideways instead of being face up or face down. So that is probably why she wasn’t going faster than she had been. It is a good thing that they didn’t break her water as well because being sideways and the size he was she would have probably had problems delivering him. She stalled out at 7 cm and stayed there a few hours. Then the baby turned and things started to pick up a little bit again. But she still wasn’t having any pain or anything at all. If they broke her water she probably would have been in pain from that point on and things would have been slow because of the baby being sideways.

I was in the wating room with friends and family who came and was waiting because she wanted us to go out so she could sleep some. When about 6:30/7 the nurse came down to the waiting room and said she wants you all to come back in now. There was three of us there. When we got back in her room she was sitting up on the side of the bed and you coud tell she was in some pain. She said her water just broke and the contractions were getting hard and picking up more. By 8:12 am she had the bay.

She would have had him sooner but they keep telling her to wait and not to push because there was a little lip of the cervix still in the way. But if she had told them she had to push and couldn’t stop they would have tried to move it when she was pushing. But they had her scared into thinking she was going to rip horrible if she tried to push a little bit. Then at the end the doctor came in and did just that helped move it up when she was pushing and then let her have him.

He was 8 lbs 12 oz 19 1/4 in with a full head of hair. He was a little more jumpy than they like so they took him to the nursery to check him out a little more. But they gave him right to her to start with and let her try to feed him. They cleaned him all off right there with him laying on her and things. Then they wrapped him up and brought him back to her and laid him with her for a little bit before they took him away.

I had my first at that hospital because I had to and when to the other hospital with my last three and I am so glad I did because they are way behind the other hospital in the things they have for mom and how they care for her. I am glad she had a great doctor even though she wanted to break the water and things she didn’t tell her they had to because of this and that. Unlike the midwife I had when I was there in labor who lied to me and everything else.

I wasn’t sure really how I would like to be there helping other women when they were giving birth when I took my doula class. I took it more for my knowledge than anything else so that I could be more prepared when I had my other kids. I wasn’t sure if I would want to be in there and see all of it. I had never been at a birth other than when I had my own kids and that is way different. But I think I would like it. I am a little rusty when it comes to some stuff and didn’t do a lot because she never had any pain until the last hour or so. She just wanted him to rub her back. She didn’t really want to try anything else. But I think it is something if I had a sitter I would like to do and would be good at. The nurses were even saying it was creepy and spooky how she was moving along and never had any pain until the end and how fast it was all over.

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