{July 2, 2019}   A Large Pizza

I sit here at my day job with half a large pizza fighting the erg not to eat it. I ordered lunch for me and Pops today. I was going to get the small but the large was just a few dollars more and met the amount I had to have in order for it to be delivered.

After being so excited about losing all the weight and now wanting to eat a half a pizza. We both had two slices there are 4 left. I figure I would take it with me to my other job tonight me and the guy I work with could eat it. But now I have sat here for hours fighting not to eat it. I figure I could eat another slice or two now and then the others for dinner tonight. But that is still way to much pizza to eat for one person in one day. I had never had pizza from this place before but it was really good so it makes it even harder to not sit here and eat the other 4 slices.

I don’t know why I am writing this other than a place to vent and a distraction from eating the pizza the next 20 minutes before I can leave. To share that like everyone else I just want to pig out and binge eat when there is nothing to do and food sitting here. I don’t binge when I am stressed or mad or depressed even like a lot of people. Mine is when I am bored and there is nothing to do. Then I will look for something to eat just to eat.

{July 30, 2018}   Weight Loss Update

I have not checked my weight in a few weeks maybe more. Since I posted and saod I had gain some back. I can’t check weekly to offten because I will get aggregated if I am not losing or see that O gained that pound or two. I use to check everyday or two before and one day would show no difference then the next I had lost 2lbs. Right now I haven’t been trying to lose I just have so it is a nice serprise when I step on the scale and see how much I have lost.

Even with all I have lost and going from my size 14 to 8 I hadn’t really seen it. I still have this belly that I wish would go away and my legs still look big in my thighs. I am not worried about how they look or my body. I am 100% fine with my body and how it looks, it is just that these areas are the areas for me that I notice and see the weight loss in more than anywhere for some reason. Everyone keeps saying my face looks smaller and they can see it over all that I have lost. For me I just don’t, I guess it is just because I see myself everyday maybe?

But anyway I went in the bathroom the other day and got underessed to take a shower. I got undressed and used the bathroom. I looked down and was like wow. My legs look so much smaller through my thighs and things. My belly a little but I still do not really see it there, like I do in my legs now. Now I feel better and like I have accomplished something. That I am getting somewhere.

I think I am back to maintaining not losing or gaining. I can live with that for a bit. Because I am down to the last 30lbs. I seem to lose a good amount all at once after I come out of a maintaining stage. So I will probably lose it pretty quickly once I start again. I am sure if I wanted to I can work at it and drop it but I really do not feel like it.

et cetera
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