He Called Me Last Nigh

We talked for about an hour last night when he got done with the kids and back to the motel. He messaged me a few times during the day. Something was said. He asked what was wrong. I ask if he would call me later. I told him once he was done for the night before he went to bed was fine if he felt like it. That I didn’t want to get into it right then at work. He said okay he hope everything was alright.

I told him it was fine not to worry go enjoy his time with the kids and graduation. He said okay he would call me. Later that night I was sitting there watching tv and got a few messages. He sent me pictures of him and the kids. He looks so happy. He said he is, he is loving it. They were all out to eat it was kind of late. I didn’t figure I would hear from him. It was okay because I know how it is when you get busy with the kids as it is. But then when he hasn’t seen them in so long and everything going on. I was about to turn everything off and go to bed and the phone rang.

He said his oldest had left before graduation she had to get back to work and they only had so many tickets. The other kids were home and coming to spend the day with him today.

He said he was sitting outside at the motel. He was talking about seeing everyone and talking with all of them. That everything was going well. They all had been decent and just hanging out talking.

He was a little aggravated and said he found some thing’s out he didn’t know before. I guess his son got into some trouble a few years ago. His ex wife tried to call him and the girlfriend answered the phone. She refused to wake him up because he was sleeping. They got into it on the phone. I guess she never told him and the other didn’t call back. I don’t blame her for not calling back. We talked about that I said something about my ex him not knowing anything about my kids. How Little ones dad has only seen her once and things. Some how him and his trip came up.

I told him how we went from him wanting to get married and me to adopt two of his kids. To I don’t want any of this

He was shocked. I thought I had told him before but I guess I hadn’t. It came up he was talking about being glad he left finally and things. How it would of ended bad had he stayed. I said that was how it was with my ex husband. But that it was hard when it was me and RC. Because we had only had one real fight and where we were at when he did this. So i was blindsided. How I help him find his daughter encouraged him to and was done this way. He was shocked. It isn’t something I talk about or tell many people so I may not have told him.

We ended up talking for an hour. His mom was going to sleep everyone was gone. He went in shortly after we started talking and she was laying down. So at least I didn’t feel bad about keeping him on the phone. He didn’t seem in a hurry to get off either. He said a few times I miss you so much. It’s going to be so hard to leave but I want to come home and see you. I tossed and turned and this morning I kept waking up you weren’t there. I am so use to you being there in the mornings.

He was talking about the kids he said I held it together when my oldest left but it was so hard. He said I didn’t want to let her go and wanted to cry. Knowing its going to be so long or who knows how long before I am going to see them. I said I told you let’s move up there be closer to your kids have all the kids close. He didn’t miss a beat he said lets do it. Lets pack and go. I said I really mean it honey. He said me too I would love to be closer to my kids. Even if we went to South Carlina it isn’t far it is right over the boarder.

I told him my friend wants me to go to SC next month for 3 or 4 days a week. He ask if I was going I said I didn’t know. I needed to work and things. He said what about the kids? I said honey she wants all of us to come. He said oh I thought she just wanted you. I said no honey they are like family they love my kids my kids love them. They want us all to come. He sounded a little surprised. He said I have to work I have my trip in December. I said I know. I probably won’t get to go because I am just staying a float right now. I can’t afford to take off. It would be so nice to live closer to them all we could drive over for the day or what. I said if I went next month I may not come back. Not even to get my stuff. I may just stay and not come back at all. He said I don’t blame you one bit. It is so nice being with my kids, I just want to see and be with you too. I said you know I’m down to move and told you I go to Ga or Tenn to be closer to your kids. He said I could go back to work over there where I was working you could find office something really easy. Let’s do it lets move. So I guess we are going to talk about that when he gets back. Hope make a solid plan and start looking for areas and houses and jobs. He sounded so happy on the phone and looked so happy in the pictures he sent. I think he had just forgot what it was like to be out of here and away from here. To be with his kids and things.

He had been in the situation he was in down here for so long with his ex girlfriend and stayed cut off from everything and everyone for so long. When you live like that with the drinking and abuse so long you get out you don’t know what to do or how to react because it’s like the would moved on without you and you are in this time warp like trap. I think this made see there are still people who care and really do want him around and don’t hold it against him that he wasn’t there as he should of been and things. I can’t wait until he gets back we get to talk.

I never did come out and tell him what was bothering me on the phone. I told him about RC leaving going on his trip and all that. But because we were talking about something else. I don’t think he put 2 and 2 together. Be didn’t know what was really going on how I was feeling.

After we hung up I messaged him told him thank you for calling me we never talk on the phone. I didn’t want to bother him why he was away.

He said thanks for what? I told him for calling me. He said I told you I would. I said I know I didn’t want to ask you to and bother you on your trip. But it has been a hard few days. I told him how everything about RC hit me the other morning before I got out of bed. He said he was sorry and I wasn’t bothering him. He was sorry he wasn’t here for me. I told him it was something I just need to deal with if it wasn’t now it would be another time. If he hadn’t went now then I would be dealing with it at Christmas. So I am glad it is now. I told him I knew things were different. But just dealing with all the thoughts popping up.

Like I said before, you can work on yourself forever but there are somethings that just can’t be dealt with or worked on until you are dealing with it again. If i was with someone and they never went on a trip it would never be an issue. But I am with someone he went away and it has hit. Now I have to work on it and fix or heal that part. Seeing that he calls or messages why he is gone and comes home and everything is fine is what is going to let me work through it. That is what is going to let me be okay next time or one day down the road. it may take a few trips before I stop feeling the way I do. Who knows. But it is a start. If this storm lets him he will be home tomorrow around 4 i think. If he gets delayed because of the storm then hopefully Monday sometime. I hope it is tomorrow I kind of hope it is Monday. Monday early we could spend some time together.

I am still having thoughts my mind going over all the what if’s and just over all missing him.

 

Flashback Moment

After work Last night I stopped at JW’s of course. We talked for a while and he rubbed my back and neck. It has been bad because of my new desk since we moved. After he was done he kept reaching over rubbing my back, legs arms whatever here and there. He said I would do this every night if you were here and let me. He said I would rub you from head to toe front and back. Just to make you feel good, sleep good and to see that smile.

He keeps asking what I want to eat he wants to make me dinner one night after work. He was asking me again last night. Said he is going to make it Thursday since I can get off early that night.

On the way home I was thinking about us. How we have ended up together and handling things. We don’t really have a date on things. If you figure we got together the night he kissed me on the beach or shortly after that was the 9th of January. All though we have known each other since we were kids grew up together we just got back in contact. Saturday before Christmas. I thought about him taking me out for my birthday and wanting to do something for Valentines day.

I all of a sudden had this flashback of Father of the Year. We started talking right before Christmas and our first date was my birthday. He took me to dinner. Then New Years Eve, we went sat in the car at some beach, it was freezing and raining so we did not get out. We just talked for awhile decided we would give us a try.

Shortly after that he picked me up from work and had made this big dinner for us while his roommate was out of town.

And he use to rub my back and legs all the time for me at night because I would hurt so bad. He did a lot but more offten at the end when I had my accident and got hurt and things. He always wanted to celebrate holidays.

Thinking about it all that with Father of the Year came back. Stuff I had forgot about or not thought of in years. It is all so close to being the same. Was kind of weird to me at first I was like oh wow no this is not good. But then it all just kind of went away and I don’t know how I really feel about it now.

As I was thinking this isn’t good, the thought that he is nothing like Father of the Year popped in my head and how Father of the Year did and was and how JW is nothing like that.

Father of the Year always wanted praised for the things he did or said. It was more like he was doing it for himself than me. Like I did this for you so you will tell me what a good job I done and stroke my ego. It don’t matter if you really like it or it isn’t what you wanted. All that matters is I did something. I know it is the thought that counts. But a lot of times there was no real thought put into things.

I would buy him nice things like jewelry, electronics or even a truck I went to buy him one time. I got cused out for not buying it and it was a pos. I buy him jewelry I got $5 lingerie. I buy him nice electronics I would get a little light thing with a cube to sit on it.

I would show him things I liked or wanted that wasn’t going to break the bank, it wasn’t like he didn’t know. He say he had no money. Because he spent it all in the little stores or buying things he wanted. He would have his check I would just tell him get it out of that or what. We have x amount that we can spend on each other. He just walk in buy something and walk out. There would be times I got nothing at all after him making a big deal about having to celebrate a holiday and what we were going to do and get each other. But boy let me not get something or just get a card with a nice letter or note written inside and he would pout like a kid.

JW just isn’t that way, he always wants to make sure I am happy, I am taken care of. He wants to make this dinner because of what I said the other day about not getting to eat a Home Cooked Meal  He wants to make something for me. That wasn’t what I was getting at I was just telling them why I thought I was wanting to eat so much. Because they were saying oh I was pregnant joking around. He has been after me since what is it I want to eat so he can make me something. I told him he don’t have to but he insist. He wanted to go out Friday for the holiday but I have to work he has to work. He won’t be off until 8 and has to get home and get ready. I won’t be off until 9 at the earliest more likely 10 or later. He said he was going to cook Thursday I told him that would be our celebration for the holiday. He was okay with it. Thursday is about the only day we have that we get off half way decent hour. He gets off at 7 and I get off by 9 if nothing is going on. We still aren’t out until late. Over the weekend it is hard for me to get out until later when the kids go to bed and he works Saturday anyway until 8. Once I get moved get the bitch out of my house and get my kids settled again things will be different to a point. I won’t have to worry about having time to go see him and things. He will meet the kids can start coming over going and doing things with us. All of us spending time together. Making time for us will be a little easier as well. I won’t have to worry about rushing home to the kids because I will have more time with them and things.

But it just blew me away when I thought of all that between the relationships. I still don’t know what to think of it. But I am happy, I have been happy from the start. I wasn’t really happy with Father of the Year, I never really was, I never expected it to go anywhere between us. I felt he was more of just the friend type but he wasn’t like any of the other guys I had dated and thought maybe I just wasn’t giving him a chance he was a “nice” guy. Things just went from there. You see how that ended.

But I don’t feel that way about JW. He wasn’t ever one I ever really thought about in anyway he was just always there we weren’t close for say but have always talked and hung out together when we were at the same places, just as we did as kids. Even now I wasn’t thinking about anything between us to start with. Then I kind of got the idea that he may be interested in more. That was the first time I really thought of him as anything more than just a friend. I wasn’t even sure then if he was or wasn’t interested in more. But the more I thought about it and the more we hung out together and things he treated me the way he did I felt that maybe it was something I would’t mind if he was interested. Honestly the night at the beach he kissed me, I wanted him to. I wanted to him but didn’t, I was kind of scared to, because I still wasn’t sure that I wasn’t maybe reading more into things between us because of the way he is. I never felt like that with Father of the Year. With him it was like we were just going through the motions. I was still waiting to see how things turned out and I had feelings for him, but not the same kind of feelings.

I got it all out I am just going to try to forget about it and enjoy what I have now and build a future that we can all grow and be happy in. Because we deserve it after everything we have been through.

The wrong one will find you in peace and leave you in pieces. The right one will find you in pieces and lead you to peace. Be careful who you entertain and give your energy to!

I feel this says it all. With JW he has done nothing but try to make me smile, help me how ever he can, be there just to let me vent, cry or whatever I needed. He always wants to know if I made it home, if i have eaten, how my day is going, telling me how happy he is with me. He hasn’t asked for anything, don’t expect anything. When I try to do for him he tells me I have enough to handle and take care of he will take care of it. I made him today give me his w2 so I can file his taxes for him because he was going to pay someone to do it. He said you don’t need to take time to do it your busy. I told him I would do it sitting at work when there is nothing to do and I am bored. No point in him paying to get something done I can do for free in a few minutes. It wasn’t he didn’t want me to see what he made or what he already told me when we were talking about other stuff. It is just how he is, he is like me just use to taken care of it himself and getting things done.

Father of the year had nothing and never did anything or took care of anything. He just left it all for someone else or it didn’t get done. Even when you tried to help or do it he never offered help and it was never right or good enough. Boy did he leave me with a mess to clean up.

He Looks Like……..

My car has been acting up again so my Good Friend told me to take it over to his shop so his brother could check it out again. Of course it was fine when I got up yesterday. I picked up JW and we went over there for him to scan it and do a few things to it to see if he could figure it out. He did a few things drove it and everything else and it didn’t do anything.

In a bit my Good Friend showed up and we took it to drive it and again it hardly done anything. Nothing like what it does to me. We traded places and I drove him around it didn’t do it. I drive my car a little different that they do. I am a little hard on vehicles. It still did nothing. We were talking about it and I said it is way warmer now than it has been since it started messing up. I think that has to be something to do with it because it hardly wants to get out of it’s own way more often than not. He said it could be that and that they pulled a couple new codes that also would point to why my lights flash and it started when it got cold. They reset everything and I am going to take it back when it is cold again.

But why me and My Good Friend was out driving around he said something about JW. He came up some how. He says I hate to say it but I’m not the only one who thought it. But he looks like Father of the Year. I said no he don’t and he is nothing like him at all. Nothing at all like him. He said I don’t know him so I don’t know but I hope not. But he dose look like him. He said my old lady said when we seen you all in the pawn shop right before Christmas is that Father of The Year? What is she doing with him? He said but I knew it wasn’t.

I guess I can kind of see it and honestly had the same thought. But just this look they both get. Really father of the year has changed a lot and really don’t look anything like he use to at all. You know how some people get older and still look the same as they did 10 or more years ago and others age and it’s like wow what happen to them? He is on the wow what happen to him side of things. He has not aged well. It has been so long since I have been around that father of the year that I don’t really see it or notice it if that makes since.

I didn’t tell JW what he said. I don’t know how he would take that or react to that. I wounder if the kids thought that or think that when they see him? None of them said anything. But again it has been a while since he looked that way and so long since they seen him I don’t know if they would notice or not. Hell the other week me him and oldest were in the store and oldest went to find something or do something in a different part of the store on her own. In a few minutes she came back and said I didn’t find what I was looking for but I think I seen my dad over there. But it has been so long and he looks so different I am not sure if it is him or not. I went and looked it wasn’t him. I wasn’t sure at first and had to look twice to make sure it wasn’t. I had seen the guy when he came in the door and thought it was him then and turned back around and looked. Because I didn’t want to let oldest wonder around by herself if he was there and I wanted to let her know he was in there before she did just run into him so she would be prepared if she did. I told her when she said it I told her I seen a guy a little bit ago that I thought was him but want’s. But I still went and looked to make sure he didn’t come in I didn’t see him or what. It was the same guy I seen.

So I don’t think they probably think the two look a like really probably.

What Could Of Been

Tonight I was looking through a friends photos, at all the picture’s of him and his family. How happy he is and his family the love between him and his wife. Then I went and looked at a few others and thought about my “friend” and my good friend and things they have said and the guy’s I have been talking to lately along with the the guys I dated back then.

It got me to thinking about what could of been and where I could be today. Why I dated the guys I did and not others and what my good friend said about standard’s and raising them.

In high school I was interest in my good friend. But we were just friends and not even super close back then. I didn’t figure he be interested in me. I wasn’t anything like him or the girls he “dated”. We were friends with a lot of the same people and things. He never told me until much later when we started talking and became close that he was interested in me even after high school. But I was married he was too. I never really wondered about it until tonight and I was thinking about it all because even if we were both single now or ended up single that we would end up together now.

My one friend who’s pictures started this think fest tonight we were pretty good friends in school. We hung out and things once we were out of school, he lived close he come into my job. I met his mom and dad, they were really nice people his dad alway talk to me and things when he come by work. His mom was really sick so she did not get out as much. I ask how she was and things. They ended up with this other kid that went to school with us live with them. I knew him but not well, we didn’t talk much when we were in school. We got to talking we ended up dating for a very short time. Before long my friend and his dad came in one evening at work I not seen them in a little bit. They asked if I had a few minutes to talk. It was late and slow so I took a break and walked outside with them. They told me about the other guy what was up with him. By this point we weren’t talking anyway.

Then the dad went on to tell me a bunch of stuff he told them about me, things I said and done. I said wait a minute I never done any of that we weren’t even together that long. I never said anything about my friend or his family. I liked them they did me too. The son my friend I could tell was a little uncomfortable with the conversation and topic at hand. But was more okay as we talked some more. The dad said at first they were shocked and taken back, but then the more they watched, seen and heard from this guy they started to think a lot wasn’t true. They decided to come talk to me and wanted me to know what he was saying behind my back. They figured out it was all lies. They could tell I was mad. They put him out told him he needed to go somewhere else he could not be there anymore.

My friend we talked and things and it come around to us being more but it never really went anywhere. I just didn’t my family didn’t like him or his family always talk about them. But knew nothing about them or talked to them just what a friend of theirs who knew them said. I didn’t figure it last long he see my life and forget it, it be done. I was very controlled and things at that time. But had I given him a chance things may have ended up being a lot different for me back then and now. Thinking about it now someone like that is what I needed back then. Now I can say had I given him a chance I think the odds of us still being together would be pretty high. I knew him but not really well I thought he was a lot different than he really is. Why I figured he not want to stick around once he knew me and seen how things were back then. Like his wife now is way different than what i figured he end up with. They have been together for a really long time. I am sure things aren’t perfect no relationship is but they seem to be happy it don’t seem to be a show.

I look at trying to date now and you know what I have found out of 7 or 8 guys I have talk to in the last year really only two would I consider a relationship with. One is a no go because of the things he is looking for. The other I don’t know about. I am interested and have feelings for him but I don’t know what to think about where he is or what he is thinking anymore.

I’m not looking or thinking about better in terms of what they have or what. I am looking at better in terms of over all person and how they are and things better. I guess how they treat me what they are looking for relationship wise how they go about it if that makes since. But I don’t even know where to look. When guys do say something or flirt its wkward. I don’t feel like they really mean it or looking for it to go anywhere. Like my ex use to say I flirt with everyone, i had no clue why he say that because I wasn’t or wasn’t trying to. I was just being nice and talking having a conversation. He say you don’t even try you just do it you don’t even know you are. I had other people tell me the same thing. So then I feel like its just them i am reading to much into it they aren’t really flirting or don’t mean anything by it. It has been so long since I have really talk to anyone or dated I feel stupid don’t know what to say.

Dating sure isn’t like riding a bicycle thats for sure.

My friend says you just waiting on that perfect one to sweep you off your feet and have that fairytale. Really I’m not, I just want someone decent who is interested in a relationship and a future together. I’m not trying to make it work with everyone I talk to or go on one or two dates with. But I also don’t want to be just hooking up with everyone and see if or where it goes. Or to just jump into something with someone right off the bat not knowing that we are looking for the samethings or close or not knowing if they are just looking for here and now not planing or looking toward the future.

Just looking at ex’s pages and friends pages i wonder if only I made other decisions back then would I be happier now?

Not an X or Y but a Z

The other day when I was talking to my mom and she started about me changing my name it pissed me off. Why would I not change me name back to my maiden name? Just because my kids have that last name I do not see why I should keep that last name. She says it makes things easier, I don’t know what things she thinks it makes easier, nothing I have ever had to do does it matter if my last name is shit and theirs is blue. No one has ever questioned it. Me having a different last name than them means nothings, proves or disproves anything. What am I supposed to keep that last name to save some kind of face? Or so people won’t know I am divorced or because some may think I was never married? I just don’t get it. She says so that if someone ever had to get a hold of me because of the kids if something ever happened. Well most everywhere has my name and phone number so that shouldn’t be a problem. If they don’t then I don’t know how they would find me to start with and if they were able to my last name isn’t going to make a huge difference because where ever they got their information to get a hold of me from would have to have both our information and know that I was there mother. I just don’t get what the big deal is. Please tell me someone if I am missing something here where this would make a huge difference?

When she started about the kids and said all my kids have the same last name and then… I stopped her and told her no Little Bitty did not have the same last name as the rest of my kids. She said something about she didn’t know why I went and gave her his last name or something like that talking about RC. I stopped her again and said no she don’t have his last name either she has mine. She again started about I should have just kept my name the same and gave her that name too. I said why would I give her that name she isn’t an X nothing to do with them not related to them. She said well she isn’t a my last name either. I said yes she is and she kept on that no she wasn’t and all this. I was getting really pissed off and I just shut her down and said I got to go and got off the phone because it is none of her business number one, number 2 again what is the big deal? and three how can she say she is not an Y when I am a Y and she came from me? I said she is both Y and Z just as much one as the other because I am her mother and RC is her father. She still tried to argue with me she was not.

If you do a DNA test on her or anyone for that matter it is going to say they have dna from this person and this person. The mother and the father. In that case the mother is from one family and the father is from another family there for she has two families dna in her. That would make them a Y and Z. Not any part of X dna would show up o she would not be part of the X family. So why would you give them X name and how can you say that she isn’t a Y or Z. She says she isn’t a Y because that is my families name not her fathers that technically she would be a Z but since he is not in the picture and she don’t know that side of the family then I should have just given her X name and kept X name and she would just be an X. I agree he is not in the picture and she don’t know that side of the family so then why give her that name if he isn’t going to know that side. But then at the same time she is also a Y so why not give her that name since that is also what she is and sine she will know some of that side of her family?

Really while writing this and thinking about it more I think it is again her own issues and things she did in life and she again thinks everyone should do things how she did them and they aren’t so she is mad. Maybe I will write more about that tomorrow or another time, I have to think about this a little bit.

I truly love to hear your feedback on this one and if I am missing the bigger picture here some how on why it is so important that I should not have went back to my maiden name? And am I wrong that she is a Y and Z and could have either last name sine she is? Or should she be a Z since that is her dads name? And not have my last name since that is my family? Can’t wait to see the responses I get on this because I really want to know if I am wrong here.

Trying Something Different

The last couple of weeks I haven’t posted a lot. There was just a lot going on the first week and I just didn’t have much to write about. This past week I was still in a little bit of a funk and just didn’t feel like writing a lot and with it being Thanksgiving and shopping week I know a lot of people are not going to be on and reading and a lot of post are not going to be seen or seen by to many. The last few days I have felt like writing some but have kept it pretty light and about the holiday or whatever.

But in the mean time I have thought of somethings I wanted to write about. Somethings I want to get others input or advice on and somethings to just maybe get a discussions going or what. I normally post 2 to 3 times a day. But just about whatever is bothering me at the time what has happen that day something I found out or just random whatever I am feeling when the mood to write hits. I know a lot of my post probably sound like just that random whatever that are scattered and end up off topic. Like I said a while back most the time I don’t have a lot of time to sit down and write it is just a fast few minutes here and there with the kids fighting in the background and wanting something. I am happy with my lay our and things as for my page and my theme and that kind of thing for now. But I would like my post to be a lot better. So that is what I have worked on doing this last few days. I have put together so far about 5 or 6 good post about different things. I wrote them and then left them sit for a while and have went back and read over them again and took things out that seemed to get off topic and things like that. Fixed spelling and rearranged things to make it make more since. I may or may not go back and look over them again before I post them. It will just depend if the urge hits me that I should or need to. I am going to start trying to do this all the time. Start writing things ahead of time and then have them to post. I will still have 1 or two post in a day that are just the happenings of the day or that thing that just pops up that has to be posted right now. But I am slowly working on it all to make it all come together and have more put together and to the point post. Not ramblings from a crazy person. Although no I’m not crazy I’m just depressed, over whelmed really. But I am sure it seems crazy at times.

I am so grateful for all the followers I have now and who read my ramblings. I hope to gain more and have more input and feedback from you all as things get better. I am sure it is no secret I was never good with grammar in school. When it comes to punctuation and coma’s and all that for some odd reason I just never seemed to get. I did at one point but then it just seems like it all went a way. I don’t know I did really good in school until about middle school. Then it all fell a part and not because I stopped trying or things got a lot harder. I just had a really hard time understanding. But that is also the time in life that I went threw severe depression, panic and anxiety for the first time. I did a lot of my work at home on my own with out any adults to help. Even though I was at home and didn’t have to go to school for a while it was still hard for me to really get into it and understand it. I fumbled threw to pass. If I was able to make it to school and go to any classes I sat there working so hard on not breaking down and crying in class and not having an attack that I wasn’t able to listen to the teacher or ask questions. Most the time I would end up in the office before the 2nd or 3rd class of the day.

I try to use spell check and things on here as much as I can and look things up if it still just don’t seem right. But when I am in a hurry I have to rely on spell check here and myself. I don’t always have the time to stop and look stuff up every few minutes. Punctuation outside of your basic stuff I am going to have to go back look up and start over from the be-gaining there. Because you just can’t check that online. It really sucks because I went from all A’s and B’s to just getting by after that the rest of the way threw school. I missed so much and things from then that I had a hard time when I got into high school also. That also makes it hard to get a job in a office and things like that. I mostly do cashiering, stock and things like that. The few times I have been able to get a office job I was lucky that I didn’t have to do a lot of spelling and things. Most the time I answered questions and if the people wanted to go farther they had to fill out a sheet with all their info on it for our files so I didn’t have to worry about it. If I had to fill it out I got their ID with their info on it and things like that. I found ways to get by with out people knowing what I was doing.

Here I go rambling again but hey at least now you know why my post aren’t as nicely put together as they could or should be. I am going to def work on it and improve it I hope. I know when people read what I write and things they probably think I am stupid or uneducated and that isn’t it at all. I would probably think the same things if I wasn’t the way I am. I’m really not I have trained to do some many different things and done so many different things. Now if I have to take a class or classes for something I can ace them. It is hard because of my writing and things but I just have to set aside extra time to do my work than what most people would. It isn’t that I don’t know the stuff or pick it up. It’s just that one area that I have problems in.