I just seen this come up on my news feed and decided to watch it. Listening to it I just sat here and cried, it sounds so much like my big boy. The let me move, let me rock, let me look where I need or want because I can still listen. He never sits still from the time he wakes up until he goes to sleep at night. He is always rocking or moving in some way or another. One of the first things that I noticed about him when he was little that wasn’t like other kids. He really isn’t trying to distract anyone or be disrespectful or not listen. 99% of the time if he can get up and move around or fitget in his chair he can tell you more of what was said or going on than someone sitting doing nothing but listening and watching what is going on. He catches things you would think for sure he wouldn’t or couldn’t have. I have to remind myself all the time when we are doing school that he is listening and doing what he is supposed to do he just needs to move or look around. It does get on my last nerve sometimes. But it isn’t his problem it is mine and I try not to say anything to him.

It’s hare because others just don’t understand and that I let him get away with things or don’t make him listen. They think he is being rude or not behaving and that he is old enough or more than old enough to understand and just stop. He looks a lot older than he his because of his size. They think he should be strong and lift this or that or not get upset about things that kids his age get upset about because they don’t stop to see how old he really is. Sometimes he may get upset about something that most kids his age wouldn’t but that is because of how he is. He isn’t like all the other kids. They don’t see it or understand. I just wish more people were a wear of things like this or more understanding. His dad says I always take up for him but I really don’t I take up for him when he needs taken up for. When adults aren’t being adults and treating him like he should be treated or others try to run him over, pick on him or make fun of him. He just don’t like it because a lot of the times I have to step in when because he isn’t treating him right. He swears he is but he can’t stand there and yell at him belittle him or call him names. Different or not that is one of my biggest pet peeves is people calling others names it don’t matter who it is, who they are talking to or why.

Edited to move it from a page to a post, and to say you can ad this to the On A Roll post. I wrote and posted this before I ever left for the ss office. When I went to put tags an a categories they weren’t there. I thought it was odd but figured wordpressed changed something again I hadn’t noticed. I didn’t have time to check into it at the time. Nope nothing changed I just posted it under pages instead of post. So here you go now in it’s right spot.


I got a letter in the mail a week or so ago saying that I needed to come in to the SS office by the 15th. It was already the 20 something. I called to see if I could get it taken care of over the phone she said I had to go in. I asked for a appointment and she said they don’t give them for that just go in. I told her look I can’t spend hours there waiting to be seen I have 4 kids that I have no help with and have to bring with me plus at the time I was going and helping take care of my dad. She told me to hold on yet again and then came back said they have one at……………………………………….. yep you guessed it I got hung up on. I figured since she had my number and everything she would call me back. I just held on for a hour at one number then another hour at that number and had to wait for them to call me back. They got my number they just used it and called me 5 minutes ago. Nope she didn’t call me back. I didn’t make it down there because things got worse with my dad and all. Before I knew it was the first they put the money on my card. So I was going to go when father of the year was off this past Monday. Over the weekend I got a letter in the mail saying that I had an appointment for today. I started to still go Monday so that I didn’t have to take the kids with me but then figured that I would just end up waiting all day to be seen. I needed to go see my dad so I went up there instead. I figure if I got today when they tell me then hopefully we will get in and out pretty quick. The fact I have the kids with me they will want to get me out as fast as possible. I hope they don’t take all day I have to be back here for therapy by 1:45 for the boys. Then after they leave at  4 we are going up to see my dad a few minutes. I was going to go tomorrow but my little guy asked a few times yesterday if we could go see grandpa and when we could go see him again. I figure that if he is asking we need to go. Kids know things sometimes. I feel bad to wait until tomorrow just because we have the day free and something happen. I know he isn’t going to want us to stay very long anyway probably an hour or so if that. Last time we were only there for about half hour 45 minutes. It being later in the day I know he is going to be pretty wore out probably. We go back tomorrow earlier in the day and then Friday. My little guy hopefully gets his pins out and cast off at 2:15. He is already talking about going to show grandpa when we get back. It is a drive there and back so we won’t get to stay long then either before he is tired. But we will get to spend time with him. He will get to see my little guy is ok. I know he was worried about him. I guess I better get off here and get everyone dressed and get to the ss office. I should be leaving in just a few minutes. I just have no motivation to do anything or energy if I want too.

I’m so fucking pissed off right now I am shaking. My oldest son is autistic. He is high functioning but still has his share of issues and problems to deal with. He is in a private school and gets two different therapies twice a week to help with things.  He is supposed to be getting a 3 rd we are working on getting for him.

He came up a few months ago for review for SSI to see if he will keep getting his check or not. I knew nothing of it until one morning I woke up to a phone call from this lady telling me she is calling to inform me that she is going to be closing his case in 15 days because I have not complied with them. I have no clue what she is talking about I tell her I don’t. She says she sent me a letter asking for information. I tell her I didn’t get the letter if I had I would have got in touch with her. She starts telling me well I sent it who checks your mail, have you been a way, did someone else check your mail all this like I am some kid that has to answer all this to her. Then she says I sent it out on on um then just changes the subject and goes on to something else. I am guessing she never sent the letter she was supposed to send. I asked her about it and she changed the subject again and said well I am sending you a letter to get this and this. I told her I didn’t have it she said that she would just get it from the school she had to get some stuff from them any way and that she would be sending me a couple letters with appointments to take my son for a speech evaluation and a IQ test.

I got the letters for both test called told them we would be going to them. I get a phone call asking if we would be going I again tell them yes and that I called to let them know. I later get another letter and call yet again to tell them we are coming. This all coming from the same women. I don’t know what she is trying to do but I just keep calling each letter I get and call I receive. I don’t know if she is trying to make it look like we are not complying now or what. We went tot he speech eval and for the IQ test. When the doctor was done with the IQ test he called me back and talked to me. I told me he was going to let them know he felt he needed to come back for more testing.

Today when she called she again started about sending me a letter to close my case for not doing what they asked. I asked her what it was we didn’t do that I had gotten the reports sent, we had made it to both test and was waiting for them to let us know when and where to go for the other test.

She says I have not turned in his IEP. I told her that she told me she was going to ask the school for that because I did not have a copy. She said well they didn’t send it to me and you haven’t gotten it to us. I didn’t know she hadn’t gotten it because she has never asked for it since we talked about it the first time. If she had told me she didn’t get them I would have tried to get them. I was then trying to tell her I would try to get them and turn them in right a way, but that it was summer he goes to a private school and they are closed for the summer . She starts talking over me telling me that he goes to private school he don’t have a IEP and they would just mark that he don’t have one. I am trying to tell her he dose I go the meetings with his school the school board and everything else. I was trying to ask her if there was a way to ask for more time since I didn’t know they didn’t get this and was working on getting it and if the test that he had done and still needed to have done would work if I couldn’t get it. Why they were going to close the case if we were still waiting on farther testing. She just keeps telling me I didn’t comply and that he don’t have a IEP they would just mark him as not having one. Just going around and around talking over me. I asked her again about when they were going to do send him for the other test. She said we don’t test for anything else we just do the ones we sent him for. If you want to get more test and follow up with it on your own and send us the results then you can do that. I told her the doctor said he felt they needed more testing to decide everything. She got nastier and just said well we are not going to do it if you want to that is up to you we just wanted him to do the IQ test not any thing else from him. I said I am just trying to understand how this all works. She again just cuts me off.

I had enough of her being rude and talking to me like I was just the lowest of the low. I said can I talk and say what I have to say now with out you cutting me off and talking over me? She said we can’t both talk at the same time. I said no we can’t but that’s what you keep trying to do. Every time I try to ask something or answer you even you cut me off or talk over me and don’t even listen to what I am saying. I said you have been nothing but nasty and rude from the time I answered the phone, talk to me and treat me this way and I am not going to be talked to and treated like this. I do not have to be I want to talk to a supervisor. She says oh so you want to talk to a supervisor now. I said yes I do your boss I want to know why you think you can call people and treat them this way and speak to them the way you have me from the first time I talk to you. She lauges and started to say something. I said no I’m done talking to you, you’ve had your say I will be talking to them and dealing with them from now on or someone different. she puts me on hold I was on hold for a hour and fifteen minutes and no one ever picked up the phone again. I just let the phone lay there why I was doing other stuff that I needed to take care of. By 4:15 I figured they were probably closed and hung up.

If she was in the right and I was so wrong why did she put me on hold for so long and not get a boss? Seems she knows she has messed up and was in the wrong. The phone calls are all supposed to be recorded if they are it will show right there how she talked to me and treated me. It is also going to show that she left me on hold all that time and never got a boss or came back to the phone. She is going to have to explain that. She says she send me to the bosses line and she didn’t answer she will have to explain why i didn’t get a voice-mail and again why either of them left me on hold that long.

I don’t normally complain or go over someone to a boss very very rearly will I. But I have never been treated or come close to being treated and talked by anyone as she did me. She talked to me like they talk to the inmates at the jail or worse. I use to hear it every day at work when I had to call up there or they would call me. You could hear them in the background yelling at them and talking to them like they were no body. It isn’t right for them to be doing it no more than it is for anyone to do it to anyone else. For her to talk to me that way I haven’t done anything wrong. She just on this power trip no one is going to do anything or say anything because she has the power to say yes or no to if they get that check. Well there is someone over her and someone over them. I am one who will show her just because you think you have power don’t give you a right to treat people any way you feel like it. She better stop and think that if it wasn’t for these people who are disabled and get that check every month there would be no need for her job. Then where would she be? I think they need to pull more of her phone calls and see how many other people she is doing this way. I am sure that I am not the only one. I bet I am not the only one who has complained. Another reason she didn’t want to put that supervisor or the phone. She is probably already in trouble or being watched.

He also came up for a review at our local office just where you turn in your pay info every year and things. I went right to that meeting and got them everything they needed and am still sending them stuff and working with them. Why would I comply with them and then not comply with her. I have told the lady in the local office about this lady already so she even knows that we have had a problem from the start.

{November 24, 2012}   Disability What To Do

I have been thinking about filing for disability. I really don’t know if I would have a shot at getting it or not. But with the accident I had a few years ago and all the stuff they say is wrong with my back other than that. I kind of think I would because I am not able to do the jobs that I use to do. I can’t lift things like I use to I don’t have a lot of the strength in my arms and upper body like I use too.  I didn’t get much from the accident everyone says I should have gotten more but a lot of what is wrong is not from that. It is genetic, my  mom has some of the same kinds of problems I have and my aunt I found out on my dads side does too. Even if they didn’t give me full and said I had to work some to it would be better than nothing. I could find something part time even if I had to work in a store or something. I can stand for a little bit just not all day and I wouldn’t be able to do stock and things I would have to cashier or something like that. I have had a lot of people tell me I should try before because of the depression and anxiety and my heart. But I never had a problem with the depression as bad as I have the last few years and no where near as bad as it has been the last year. The heart thing I don’t think would get it at all anyway. Then I had the accident and messed my back and neck up they said try because of that. But at the time I was working I missed a few days and took off early a few days when it first happen but other than that I was able to do my job. It was in a office and I sat most all day if I needed to get up and stand I could or walk around some. It really wasn’t a problem. But then I got laid off. I didn’t have all the problems with my back as I do now then. I just had hurt it in the accident. I have always liked to work and wanted to work so I didn’t want to get on something like that and them tell me I couldn’t work or could only work a few hours a month or something. But now with the way things are and as bad as they are saying my back is I feel like maybe I should go and file.

I know of so many people that use to come into different jobs I had or who lived around me different places who were on it. Most of them had nothing wrong with them at all. If they had something it was something that was hard to prove or disprove. I know of a lot of older people who have worked for years and all their life who are really sick and need it and have to fight and get lawyers and everything else and to get it. Then some of these people get around better than me. I asked them if it was hard to get and things like that or how they got it because they seemed ok. They say oh just go down there apply tell them whatever is wrong with you because you are going to get turned down anyway. When they turn you down reapply after the 3 or 4th time you apply they get tired of dealing with you and they will give it to you. I thought this had to be a joke or mistake. But I have had so many many many people tell me that over the years. But then here I sit with the problems I do have and still go to work and want to work. Right now I am having such a hard time finding something and I know a lot of it is because I can’t do all the pulling lifting and things like that that I use to do. That is what it is there for people who can no longer do the jobs they are use to doing. I wouldn’t even care if they turned me down and wanted to train me to do something else instead. I seen on their site it said that sometimes they will retrain you instead of giving it to you. At this point I would do that because if I knew more on the computer or something like that I would get a job doing something like that. I would rather work but if I can’t because of this I have for years my ex has for years my dad and things have and paid into all these people who basically tell you they have nothing wrong with them but they just give it to them to get them to go a way why I don’t feel as bad about going down there and at least trying.

The worst they can do is say no. I won’t be any worse off than I am now. The best they can do is say yes and even if I end up somewhere in the middle and they retrain me. I won’t be worse off I will at least be a little better off than I am now. I keep telling myself not to do it and a job will come along and things but I been looking for 6 months and can’t find one. The longer I put it off the longer it will take to get it started. Then I could be worse off because if I don’t find a job and haven’t applied then I could maybe be getting something that I’m not that could be helping.

I just don’t know half of me says do it and the other half says don’t. I for whatever reason feel like I don’t deserve to get it or shouldn’t get it even if they say I should. I don’t know why I feel that way but I do. I tell myself it isn’t like I am just going and getting something with out anyone knowing. I have to go threw all their stuff and they have to decide if they think I should get it or not and if they think something is bad enough wrong then what shouldn’t I get it? I have worked and paid in off and on since I was 14 years old. I should have it if they say I should as much as the next person. But I never do or get things for myself so I guess this kind of goes along with that. I am going to think about it the next few days and decide what to do. If I am going to apply I need to do it now because it takes at least 6 months from the time you apply before you can get your first check. But if they say you get it they back pay you from the day you applied.

What do you think should I apply or shouldn’t I?

et cetera
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