Single___Parent___Life











{September 18, 2020}   We Don’t Need Each Other

I was thinking while I was eating lunch about mine and JW’s relationship. All though we have our little issue other than that we are really good together and happy. I was thinking how different it is than being with Father of The Year, RC and other guy’s I have talked to or went out with in the past. How it isn’t stressful, there isn’t fighting or tension. That yes sometimes he gets mad or aggregated with me or pissy. But when he does it is because I won’t open up tell him what is wrong or bothering me. I just get quite with drawl some and go on my way. He wants to know what is wrong or bothering me. He will talk about it try to work it out, help or just be there for support. He gets aggregated I won’t tell him and let him. That I hold it in and just deal with it on my own or just stuff it. He really does care a lot about people and for sure the one’s he is close to like family, me, friends and even my kids. No one is going to do anything to us or mess with us. If something is wrong he wants to be there for you even if it is just to listen.

He isn’t the only one that has has said something about it. I seen a memory from the past pop up on Facebook, RC commented on it he was there for me and to help. I said I knew. He said you act like your alone in this and don’t let me in or let me help. It hit me then that I did. He was the same as JW he would sit and talk about things and try to help. Thinking about it as I write this I pushed him away. Because I did shut down and stop talking and held a lot in. But we had other issues that caused it. We had some issues between us with the kids and Father of The Year.

I want to open up and tell JW, let him be there and help. But it is so hard when I am so use to how things were. I couldn’t open up, if I did it was twisted turned around or I was told how horrible I was or what. Just beat down, belittled, and treated like dirt or ignored. They would get mad.

It is hard for me to say what I want to say and make it come out right. I have to really think about it before I say things. I don’t want the things I say to be taken wrong. Because even if you go back and explain it, it is always there. RC was like that when we got together, he take a while or not say some thing’s because he wasn’t sure how to say it or make it sound right. We came up with nothing said can be taken any which way. Once something was said then they could explain more now that the main point or problem was out. The other person could ask questions or what to clarify how they meant it if they took it this way or that way. You couldn’t just get mad or upset and react. It really did help and let us have more open conversations. Because we could just say what needed said.

Even though I know JW wants to know what is wrong and wants to talk about it or be there to help and support. I also know that he takes things very personally. I don’t want something to come out wrong. Because even if you say that came out wrong or it isn’t how I meant it, it is still hard to forget or feel there isn’t some truth to it.

Like when he made the can never please you comment to me a while back. He said he was sorry it came out wrong. Not right away but later when things calmed down and we were talking. He honestly didn’t remember saying it. I could tell when I said something about it. The look on his face he said I didn’t say that to you. I said yes you did when we were talking about x,y,z. He just looked at me like he screwed up or what. I know he is dealing with stuff from his past his ex’s did. But it has stuck with me. Even though I truly don’t think he meant to say it and didn’t mean me more as in this has been an issue for him and over all couldn’t or can’t.

I just know that it is nice without all the stress and fighting. I know my kids are not in the picture yet and things. But it is a whole different dynamic than it was with me and RC. And they both are 100% different than Father of The Year.

I deal with a few things from stuff that happen between me and RC. But really sitting down thinking about it and looking at the big picture. I can see that the abuse from Father of The Year was worse than I realized it was when I was in it. I knew when I was in it it was bad not right. I look back and tell someone about this or that and it hits wow that was really messed up. Or wow I never realized this or that or how bad that was. It was just life at the time you get use to it, you deal with it, you ignore it or make up excuses or try to fix it and the list goes on. You distract your self with all these lies or other things like trying to fix it just so you can get through it. It is sad to think we do these things. That we live our lives this way.

Then the one’s who get away, get out of it we live with the lasting effects it has on us. Now not only do we deal with it but it pours over into our relationships with our kids, friends, family and partners. I don’t know if one can ever truthfully say they 100% get past it and don’t have any issues pop up. I swear I have PTSD from the shit I went through with Father of The Year.

Part if the problem me and JW have with out issue in the bedroom is because of things Father of The Year done. I told JW what he did that it was many times. But no kind of details. But the other night I had to ask him would you please not do X unless I ask you or move you to? Right away he was worried he did something wrong. I had to tell him no but because of what happened when he does I am not longer into what we are doing. When it happens, that fight or flight shoots through my body. I have to stop myself from pushing him away and getting up. I can get it to go away quickly but then I’m done I am not into it and can’t get back into it. He has asked me more than once what is wrong because he can see the change. I just say I’m alright. Sometimes it is bad enough I can’t get past it he just stops lays there beside me holding me. I wanted to tell him before but I just couldn’t get it out and tell him. Even though he knew it happen I still felt it was going to change things between us. Or the way he looked at me reacted to me interacted with me. Or if he knew any details he wouldn’t want to be together anymore. I tell myself he is different things have been good all this time and everything I have told him and has happened. But in my head I am still in the it is just a matter of time or that one thing is going to come up that makes him say nope done. At the same time I don’t feel it will.

Our relationship is different. We really don’t need anything from each other. Like with Father of The Year he didn’t really have friends, he hadn’t really ever had a relationship or girlfriend. He wasn’t stable in life. As in a job that he made anything at or a place to stay or the friends, relationship and all. He was looking for someone to come in and be everything and for their life to revolve around him and include him all the time if he wasn’t at work. And you shouldn’t do things when he was working because it wasn’t fair he wasn’t there to go. You should never have time alone. You were his friend, girlfriend and the one to make everything was taken care of or make everything happen for him. Find him a job find a car find a place to live and on and on.

RC had a job, friends, a place could hold it together and was doing it. But he needed a mom for his kids. Or I should say someone to help him take care of his kids so he wasn’t doing it on his own. He had unrealistic ideas going into things. When you are going into a relationship that kids are involved in on either side it changes things. When they are involved from both sides it really changes things. You can’t expect someone to step in from day one and take over full care of yours and theirs all on their own and expect it to be done your way as well.

With JW things are completely different. He has a life, he has a job, he has a place. He is doing it on his own and fine with doing it on his own. He is looking for a relationship for the relationship its self. Not because he needs it. He wants the companionship, the support, the closeness. That having someone there you can count on and trust. The partner or team to take care of and handle things. Even though you can do it on your own it is always nice to have the support and to feel like someone cares about you. But knowing if something happens you can walk away without worrying about anything because you aren’t depending on them for anything. You are doing it as a team now instead of on your own. But you can go back to on your own just the same. Even if their are kids involved on either side as long as you don’t lose that being okay on your own or you don’t let yourself get depend on the other or get into a place of needing them it will be okay if something happens. It will be hard but you won’t be stuck.

When I was with Father of The Year I was stuck. I had gotten laid off and found out I was pregnant. I stayed home with the kids through my pregnancy. After I had the baby I had no one to watch the kids. He wouldn’t watch them. He wouldn’t even show up when I had interviews to watch them. When I did have money if he found it he took it or wouldn’t pay things until he knew it was gone. Then there was the disaster with RC. I wasn’t really depending on him I had money coming in and a place. I just started planing and he backed out.

I’m like JW, I am at that point in life I have everything else as squared a way as it can be. I may hit some bumps but we are making it and doing a little better than getting by even with one job. I am ready to take that next step and let someone else in again. I feel in taking my time and being picky has paid off I found someone that don’t need me but wants me. Just as much as I want him.

 



A while back I wrote Sometimes You Just Want To Shake Somebody talking about Bff and this mess with Sleeping Beauty.

I hadn’t seen or talked to her in while and she called me last Sunday and then wanted to go out this past Wednesday. We didn’t talk much Sunday she was on her way out of town to her uncles funereal. Wednesday night was when she ended up taking everyone with her and I didn’t go.

She called me Saturday right after me and the kids got home from shopping and dinner. She wanted to know if I wanted to go to Apple-bee’s with her for a little bit. I told her I would go with her but that I wasn’t eating I had just got done eating and was full. She said she was just going for an hour or so. She came and picked me up and we went.

She started talking about Sleeping Beauty and how things were and things he was doing. She said Wednesday when she asked me to go that he was laying down the kids were in bed already. She said she told him she was leaving and where she was going and that she was going to get in the shower. He said something loud enough for everyone to hear. She said then when she got out of the shower they were all up and sitting on the couch ready waiting for her. She said she told them she just wanted to go alone and things. They started. She said even after I said I wasn’t going they still ended up going. She yelled at him because it ended up costing her over $30 when if it had just been me and her it would of cost her $5 to $8.

She said he is supposed to make her car payment that is his “rent” I started to say something and she said but I’m not holding my breath that he is going to do it. I and that he hasn’t been home since the night before. I said yep not surprising. She said something about her mom saying something about him being there and the way things are. She was going to say something if he did something or didn’t do something.

Later we were talking and she said something about counseling and things. She said her youngest daughter who is like 12 talks about him when she goes all the time and things. Says that she wants him to go with her next time and that they are letting her bring him and wants her to. Said she talks about her like trash there and things. I said there is no way in hell I would let him go and start that. They take the kids back by their self and he would go back and her not there. I said I do not trust him at all not to say something just to try and start shit or cause problems and when they see and meet him they are not stupid they are going to see what he is all about and what he is and that could start problems for you as well. She said she didn’t know what she was going to do she didn’t tell them they could or couldn’t go. I really don’t think he will go because he knows they aren’t stupid and will have him figured out. I also feel that if he does go it isn’t going to be good.

Something was said about them going to the woods and all this. I said yeah and you went and bought him a car or toy to take out there. What were you thinking? She said I know then said it isn’t his, then I got to find the title. I said where is it? She said she didn’t know he had it, it was there somewhere. I said you are not going to get that back from him. He has that hidden, he is going to take it with him when you put him out or he decides to leave.

She was saying how she isn’t happy, how it is like having old boss there and how he talks to her, acts and treats her, how she don’t like being there and is shutting down. I told her get him out, put him out, your have done nothing but take care of him all this time for what reason, none. He isn’t going to make your truck payment and he isn’t going to go on his own because he has it made there. he isn’t there for any good or right reason. This was all a game and to get back at old boss from the start. She said something about her kids and things. I said yeah I know and it isn’t good and should of never happen this is all why I told you from the start don’t do it, don’t do it just leave him alone and don’t do it he is just what everyone said about him is true. I said and all the more reason you need to get him out the sooner the better. Kids are all involved and everything and the longer you wait the worse it is going to be. I know she keeps saying.

She says I can see so much and understand so much of the things you have said and done and why you said and done things and why you still do the things you do and how you do them. She said I never got it, I could never figure it out before. She said I’m living it and now I see.

He kept coming up when we were talking and things I would just say yep that is what a habit gets you. That’s what happens when you snort so much of that shit. She said something at one point about she figured out what was wrong with him he was sick. I said no he is’t sick. I said he can say what he wants make excuse after excuse and you can make all the excuses that you want for him. But the fact of the matter is just about anything and everything that he wants to complain about and say is wrong with him or he is having problems with can all be traced right back to his problem. I said and it is no one fault but his own that he is that way. She said something about him being sick and not left the house for two weeks. I said withdraw will do all that and if he really hadn’t left the house and hadn’t had money it probably was because he just been MIA for days and going out all most everyday before that for the last month or so. She kept saying he could be a good person. I said yes he could be but he isn’t and he don’t want to be. He wants a free ride and to keep doing what he has been doing all this time. She said he needs to grow up or something like that and stop be responsible. I said he is over 45 years old he is not going to, he has had more than enough time and more than enough chances and help. He just uses everyone and keeps going. I said I think he is to a point that he is to far. Something bad is going to happen or he is going to just be this way from now on. No one else in the house has been sick he been so violently sick and just wanting to do nothing but sleep if he isn’t and he been all nasty and snappy with them. Withdraw all around.

He messaged her when we were there wanting to know where she was and what she was doing. Then saying something to her about not being home with the kids and things.

I don’t know what she is going to do, but I am glad her mom is seeing what is going on and how he is too now and is saying something. She said her aunt keeps saying things to her as well about it. I forgot they work together two nights a week so even if we don’t go out she still see’s her and says stuff. She is like me and will tell her it isn’t right and she needs to get him out and this is his problem and the drugs and things.

I hope to get to go out with her this week or to breakfast one day this week. I don’t know if she will or not. He keeps her isolated. She told me she not been talking or seeing anyone or talking to anyone hardly and how he starts when she does. She dont’ see it she is use to it she grew up this way. but she still knows it isn’t right.



{July 18, 2019}   A Complete Failure

I’m sitting here at my desk at work fighting not to cry and trying to figure out what to do. I don’t know what to do or where to start. Nothing is right, nothing I do is right, or turns out like it is supposed to. If I don’t work or not getting enough hours not making enough money I am wrong, if I am working and making enough I am wrong because I am working to many hours. The kids are all unhappy. Oldest had a fit on me this morning sending messages because he isn’t happy. I truly don’t know if I have felt any worse ever in my life. I am in that spot that there is that one huge problem that I can’t get rid of that is making everyone miserable and unhappy. Oldest freaking out about it this morning. I agree with her 100% but I don’t know what to do or how to handle it. She is having a fit everyone is unhappy and miserable.

Now I have done the stupidest thing ever and gave all our money away. I have missed three days of work with the holiday and going to see about this truck and taking care of other things that needed taken care of. I can’t sell my truck didn’t’ think I would get much out of it but can’t get anything out of it. Spent money because I was measurable and the kids were upset did something just to get them out of the house. I haven’t been out of the house other than work or with he kids in a month or more probably. I have hardly talked to BFF. She I don’t know what is going on with her. She so far up others asses she has hardly said anything to me. Calls or messages when there isn’t anyone else around. She wanted me to go out last night I said okay and headed that way when I got off work. Then she tells me she is bringing kids and Sleeping Beauty. I thought it was just her or her and her aunt. I told her I wasn’t coming if she was bringing all them. I wasn’t bringing my kids I wasn’t going to hangout with someone others and that it was adults night. She just said she didn’t’ know she just had two of them and whatever. I said well I’m not coming, maybe you will find time to hangout again. She said she just wanted to talk or something like that and about counseling had started and the way things were. I told her yeah I knew and when she had time we could talk. I was going home if she was dragging everyone with her. That is what I did, went home.

The kids have talked to her and wanted to get with her and the kids and things. She has some excuse. I have told her lets get them together or do this or that and tried to get her to go to breakfast with me the other day. She said she couldn’t and she was supposed to go with her mom and that she was supposed to be getting with so and so and the kids and doing something. I said okay. I’m not going to be sitting here waiting or just fall back into things like I did after she let Wendy come between us. We didn’t talk for years then. I tried then and she did the same thing just make excuses because she listen to others. I will not do it again this time. When she comes back around for whatever reason I’m going to tell her we tried this twice before it didn’t work just forget it. I was going to say something to her last night when we went out. She messaged me yesterday out of the blue I hadn’t talk her her in a while and said she understood why I felt the way I did about Father of the Year and what I meant about him just living life and things. Then wanted to go out last night. But you can’t talk with the kids there and I don’t care of the one she was bringing with her I love her kids but the one is a brat and she does nothing about it. i wasn’t in the mood for her last night and like i told her i needed an adult night i wasn’t leaving mine at home to hangout out with others if i was going to hangout with kids i bring mine.



{May 7, 2019}   Dirty Bitch

Special K picked me up from my day job and took me to my night job. When I got off there he picked me up and we hung out at his place awhile. On the way back to my house I asked him to stop and let me grab two things in the store. It was late he didn’t feel like going in so he dropped me in the front said he pull back up when I came out.

I was walking through the store to get my stuff and I get a text from Sleeping Beauty. All it says is your a dirty Bitch. I was so mad I was shaking. I said wtf. No response, I asked him what the he’ll was his problem and still no response.

By now I was back in the car he could tell I was mad when I came out. I showed him. He was like what is that about? I said I have no clue other than he is mad his friends are helping me with the truck. We talked he dropped me off.

I messaged bff and ask her wtf was going on she called me in a few minutes. She said old boss her hubby she is divorcing came to town the kids went to see him and he ended up at the house. Sleeping Beauty’s stuff wasn’t there but he forgot paperwork for a new job laying on the table. He took pictures of it to have the name and address and things. Can’t blame him, for being mad.

I guess he started and told her that I called him and told him all this stuff and how he stays there and I don’t know what else. I guess this is why Sleeping Beauty was texting me. I said I have not talked to him said anything to him. I said you better turn around and look at the one you have staying in your house and what all he is running around telling people behind your back and to who. I said I told you it was bound to get back to him. He is telling to many people to many things. I said I have no reason to tell him anything. She said I know, I know, I don’t believe him. She said she was on her way to her house with the police to get him to leave and everything her brother was on his way there with Sleeping Beauty and I don’t know who else because they were afraid he was going to do something to her. I don’t know what they are all scared of or why it takes more than one of them. He isn’t shit he is all talk, when it comes down to it. If a guy is there he isn’t going to do anything he isn’t going to do anything because he is scared. He act all big and bad at the shop because he had the other guys up there working he figured they jump in if anything happen or what. Most people aren’t going to do much when he start showing his ass because they are alone or only one or two of them and all the guys are there and they don’t know what is going to happen. It is the only reason he got away with that shit up there. He is lucky he didn’t come across the wrong person because had he they would of just blown him away. And he knew it that is why he didn’t say shit to some but start with others. He knew but some of them others you think no would quicker than a most the ones you think would. Most don’t think I carry think no she don’t she wouldn’t do that or do something to someone. Try me if I feel I need to I will.

Later I got another one from Sleeping Beauty you bitch. I said I asked him again what the hell his problem was. He said what did you tell him. I said I haven’t talked to him since before he left and that I had no reason to. he said he has screen shots where you called or messaged him. I said good let me see because he don’t have shit. I said you don’t need to come at me calling me bitch and saying the hit you are saying I don’t care what he said or didn’t say. I said I have told her since I met her she needed to get away from him and divorce his ass. I said so why would I go say something and start shit for her now that she is? I said what since does that make? He again never said anything.

I I messaged bff and said so now he has screen shots I want to see because I haven’t said anything. I told her I told you all along to divorce him. I said bring him face to face with me I am not scared of his sorry ass I will tell you and him all that he has done and said and that I know about him that I have already told you right in front of him and I will tell you we have not talked since he left. I said I have done nothing he is just trying to start shit between you and me he can’t stand that we talk. I said I haven’t said or done anything to him but now he is dragging me in the middle of it I am about to open my mouth and have a lot to say. I already know all the shit he has said about me and says to others I have heard it right from his mouth and I have heard it from others. I said I have kept my mouth shut not to cause problems for you and between you two but I don’t care anymore and I am about to put him in his place.

She wasn’t saying anything, I asked her what he was saying when she said to show her the screen shot of where I messaged and called him. She said he told her he didn’t know if it was still in his phone records he would have to look. I said well I want to see it he can’t show it because it isn’t there. She had called me at this point. She said her oldest said that the phone bill is in her name she could get a log of all his phone calls and who he was talking to. I said oh she can good lets do that tell her to pull it up as soon as she can and get it because you won’t see my number on there anywhere. She said I know I know he was bring up everyone and saying everyone was talking and saying stuff even Sleeping beauty’s es and things. I said well I don’t know about everyone else but I know my number won’t be on there. I said so I want to know when she gets it. I said everything he is hearing is coming straight from the one sitting right in your house. I said I promise you it is all things he has said to others it is getting back to him and he don’t even know the best of it yet so just wait the fun is just starting. She said he told her he is only giving her $200 a week now and that he is going to have it put in the divorce that she can’t have anyone with a criminal record staying in the house with her and the kids. Because sleeping Beauty has different charges. I said I don’t know if he can go that far but he can say that there can’t be people of the other sex spending the night that are not family when the kids are at the house, if you are not married. I started to have it put in my divorce because of the way Father of the Year was doing but I didn’t. I knew i could handle that on it’s own without having it in there and I didn’t want him to say the same about my house. I don’t have people staying at my house most the time and I don’t plan to ever get married so if I meet someone and decide it is working and we want to move in together it would just cause problems if he wanted to be an ass.

He kept telling her we were fighting and not getting along and things. She said what are you talking about we are getting along fine, we both have a lot of shit going on we are taking care of and working crazy hours and things. But we aren’t fighting or not getting along. He kept saying yeah I was mad at her and we weren’t friends we weren’t talking and things. I have no idea where he got that idea or what. We both have been busy and doing things and had things going on.

I told her too I said and Sleeping Beauty has about one more time to come off or after me talking about Bitch this or that and whatever else he wants to say. I said because I haven’t done anything. I said I am ready to punch him right in his head. I said I as the other day something he said and pissed me off. I said I am not keeping my mouth shut with him any more either.

He is just mad his free ride might run out and he is pissed off because he thinks someone told or knows they did and he said it was me it must be. He has no one to blame for that other than his self. When he runs around talking shit to everyone rather it is true or not, you got to know it is going to get out. Don’t come back and try to blame it on me. He is also just like old boss her hubby done trying to get me pissed off so I don’t come around and try to get us to stop talking because they both know I’m not stupid and I won’t keep my mouth shut and I will say how things are or what I know. He don’t want me saying anything to her about him or anything. just like old boss was scared I would tell her about him trying to talk to Wendy and get me and her to go out with him and things. I told her anyway I don’t care. They know she has always been very sheltered and naive. I’m not I will say wait what about or I thought, or why is this? Sleeping Beauty never liked us talking way back when he was at my house either. But that is okay I don’t care.



Where do you draw the line with how involved to get in things when it comes to your best friend? Where do you draw it when they are doing things you don’t agree with? Is it different than if they aren’t doing things you don’t agree with? What if it involves others? Children as witnesses? Do you assume adults are adults and will do the right thing because there are children involved or there?

Not sure the last time I posted about Bff and her mess. She told her hubby when he came home for Easter they were done they were getting a divorce and he had to move out. He said he would and that he would do it agreeing on things. He told her he didn’t want it he wants to give her the things that she wants and wanting her to give him a chance to fix things and all that of course. She told him no.

He ended up being here for a few days after Easter and stayed in his truck at the truck stop. She had to meet him at one point to get money and he kept trying to get her to give him a chance and things. He tole her that if he found out Sleeping Beauty was staying there and things he would get a lawyer and he would fight her for the kids and things. She keeps telling him he isn’t there and things. The kids have told him he hasn’t been staying there too I guess. She has told them not to tell him. They have said they aren’t going to because they don’t want him to get mad and they don’t want Sleeping Beauty to not come over anymore or what.

But others where sleeping Beauty was supposed to move into the camper and things told them he was done there a lot and that he had stayed there at least 4 or 5 times but not that he was living there. I have told her over and over not to let him move in there and that she is going to cause herself more problems because he is there and that he is just taking advantage of her. He been there almost two months and not paying anything. She was saying her lights are going off today if she don’t pay it and that she has no gas money to get to work tonight. I told her tell him to pay it, tell him to give you gas money. Tell him to get off his ass start paying. He is sitting there and blowing his money why you struggle and you don’t make him pay anything. I told her as soon as she starts asking for money he will be leaving so not to keep him there now and cause herself more problems. Where all his money is going she just don’t listen, I think it all comes down to she is To Scared To Be Alone.

I have not seen him and he has not messaged me yet still. I say still because I have a feeling this is going to get really ugly and he will before it is all over. He is supposed to be home mothers day and graduation. He is supposed to put his stuff in storage Mothers day weekend. I don’t know if he is going to stay in his truck or get a motel.

So now this weekend that just past I got a phone call from Mr. Auto, he was asking me what was going on and telling me what he had heard. He said he heard from the one guy who worked with all of us at the transmission shop and then was working at the car lot told him to start with. He said you know how he is you can’t believe what he says or most of what he says so I just brushed it off. He said but then that day or the day before he had to go to Mr. T’s office for something and he started telling him that Sleeping Beauty and Bff had come in and talked to him. She took the key to the truck that got repo back to him. She said she was going to do it when I was there and never did. Not sure why she made it a point to do it now after all this time. I think just to say he wasn’t there and that they are getting a divorce and things.

Any way Mr. Auto said that Mr. T told him that they were there talking to him and that bff went down stairs for something and that Sleeping Beauty was telling him how they were together and he is living there, that her hubby don’t know. Mr. T said he asked him what was he doing and that this is his wife even if they are getting a divorce and this is his house what is he going to do when he comes home? He told him he leaves and stays here or there until he leaves again and then goes back. He said what are you going to do if he just walks in one night and hasn’t told anyone he was coming and your there? He told him that was a bridge he would have to cross when it happen. Just like it was no big deal and what he is doing is nothing. Even told him, when the kids go to bed he sleeps with her and gets up in the morning and goes to the couch before the kids get up. I know for Sleeping Beauty it’s a game and a dig he is “getting one over” on our old boss, her hubby.

Someone else asked about them and him the other day and what was going on there and that they seen or heard this or that. Her daughter was talking about them and what was between them or what. Then these two people talking to Mr. Auto. And with Sleeping Beauty saying this out of his own mouth to people.

 

Monday when I was walking to work she called me and we were talking. Some how all this mess with her and her hubby came up and things. I said look you better really think about what you are doing and having him there. I told her how he is going around telling people they are together and how he sneaks out and leaves before he comes to town and how he will worry about what to do if he comes home and hasn’t told anyone. She said he sleeps on the couch, he is renting the couch. I said oh no he “sleeps” there until the kids go to bed then comes to bed with you and goes back to the couch before you wake the kids up. She said no no that don’t happen blah blah. I said well whatever is happening or not happening I don’t care it is none of my business but I am telling you that this is what he is telling people and what is going around town. I said when you take him places and see people out and about and your not standing there to hear him this is what he is saying.

I said think about it, it is the same shit everyone came and was telling me when he was at my house and left. That he was telling them we were together and then jumped my ass said I was and you know I was not saying it and telling people we were not. I said and I said they said the same thing he says he sleeps on the couch until the kids are sleep and then…….. She is like no that isn’t and she don’t he said it or is or what. But then a few things I said she was like stop and thinking about it. I said just like sex he told me back when it had been a year and a half and he just lies about it so everyone don’t give him shit about it. I said who do you think he is lying and saying it is now or who do you think everyone thinks it is now if he is staying there and if he is telling people you all are together? I said it’s you your the one he is lying about now. I said just like telling me “yall” were in for the night when no one asked him. You didn’t need a man. You were only “allowed” to go out once a week. I said what business is any of that to him?

Last night I finally made it to my second job and was looking through facebook what little I could with the service I get there. Old boss showed up, it was just a post with a color background and our area code. My first thought was he was home or on his way or that something was about to happen. I debated on calling bff and asking her about it or telling her about it. I took it as meaning he was in town or maybe in town soon he isn’t telling anyone. Just going to show up at home and see what is going on and catch him there.

This is when I went back and forth on if I should tell her or not tell her. Because I do not agree with all that she is doing and how she is handling things. I as I said I think she is being taken advantage of and needs to get him out of there between that and his problem. But if she is going to have him there that is fine, but she needs to be honest and tell him he is there and figure it out and go from there. She needs to stop telling the kids to lie and that it is okay not to tell him if he ask. This is all where I have the problem with the kids being involved and put in the middle of it all. When this is nothing to do with them. So the way I look at it is oh well if he is back or coming back and don’t tell her then that is on her what happens. But then I feel that that is my bff I should give her a heads up. But then I feel it isn’t right I don’t agree with it then I am helping her lie about it by telling her. I should just stay out of it and what happens, happens. She will have to pick up and go from there. I can be there and support her then.

Then I think about what would happen if he shows up and he is there or he is there sleeping there so he knows he is staying there? Are they going to fight or how bad is it going to get? Then all the kids being there.

While I was on my way home she called and wanted to know if I was texting her? I said what are you talking about? I said I am on my way home from work. I have almost no service at work and now I am talking to the girls bringing me home from work. She said someone was messaging her said they got her number from the place we go out to all the time, that he knows her and that she goes with two other girls. I said I have no idea, I said give me the number I will call them see who they are what they want. I told her I thought it was the guy with the car lot old boss was working out that tossed him out. There was a guy there with that name.

When she was talking about who this was and what was going on I told her maybe it was old boss even. I then asked her what the post was all about? She said she had not seen it. She looked and said she didn’t see it to screen shot it and send it to her. I looked and it was gone. I looked on both of his pages even though I knew what one it was on could not find it. I said he either took it down or blocked me from seeing it because I can’t see it. But it was there and on this name’s page. I said he probably blocked me from it when he thought of it because it has been hours and I seen it when it had only been there for two minutes.

Today she said she asked him about it and he says he don’t know what I’m talking about he didn’t post that. I know what I seen and I know who posted it because I looked to see who posted it because it was an odd post with just our area code. And I looked to see when it was posted and I seen it had only been two minutes. The color it was all just very odd post and for him it was. I remember looking at it again and sitting there looking at his profile picture and the post thinking what to do, what was it about, why he posted it and should I tell her. I know it was there. She is going to have extra kids there this weekend. hopefully he knows and things don’t get to bad if he shows up. Sleeping Beauty should be there because he is supposed to be helping watch the extra kids. I don’t know I told her because she had this guy messaging her and she didn’t’ know who it was I figured maybe it was something to do with that. He figured he see if she would talk to this guy if he just messaged and said he knew her from there or seen her there and was trying to talk to her.

 



I just don’t know what to think about bff and all that is going on. Sleeping Beauty is back at her house he was only gone a few nights how convenient for him. Then came back and “worked” all night again and let her sit up and wait on him. Then said his phone died. He plugged it in and fell a sleep. I don’t buy it you plug it in you can use it. She has no idea where he stayed or was the two day he was gone she dropped him somewhere he got a ride after that.

He didn’t have much to say Wednesday night he talked and joked a little but not much. Then got mad said he wasn’t coming next week. I didn’t say anything asked her why she said because her and I were on our phone. I was a couple times I was talking to oldest. I don’t know what bff was doing. He thinks we were talking to each other. I said oh but it’s okay when he does it until his “friend” gets there and they can run to the bathroom together. Oh before that Bff said she seen her bosses kid was sick and didn’t know if they were going to work the next day. They were messaging for a minute at one point. He said instead of all this messaging back and taking all this time and hassle why don’t you just call her. I said boy isn’t he one to be talking Mr. Just text no phone calls. He looked at me like he was going to say something and then got this look like f@$& what can I say and looked at bff and she was looking at him like yeah. He just put his hands down and shut up.

Something was said about old boss coming home tonight and Sleeping Beauty needing somewhere to stay. I said your staying there just stay telling the truth. He was like I’m not going to be laying there sleeping when he walks in. I said your staying there be big enough to tell the truth about it. Bff said something about him not having a key to the gun safe it should be okay. I said you don’t need a gun to kill someone.

Last night I messaged her lets go to Gator. $2 shots. She said she couldn’t he was there and another friend was over. I said so he is always there leave him there and bring here.

In a minute I get a text from him saying they are in for the night she is only allowed to go out one night a week and she don’t need no man or to be drinking and driving.

I said first off no one asked you, no one said anything about a man and she don’t have to drink and drive. Me and the other girl are there can drive. He never replied back. I didn’t talk to her after that she said she had company I wasn’t going to bother her more.

I just want to shake her be like what the fuck are you doing? Everyone is talking about it and this isn’t right this isn’t you. Everyone is pulling away from you and you don’t even notice. Your telling your kids to lie, your helping him do his drugs and letting him take advantage of you all the while making your situation worse. I told her the other day she is screwing up big time and making everything harder on herself way harder than it has to be. She is set right now and could be to get everything in line and taken care of for her and the kids before she throughs boss out and tells him she wants a divorce. She going to do it right now nothing ready or set up because of sleeping beauty and he is going to walk away and she is going to be on her ass and probably back at her mom’s because she is going to have nothing and old boss is going to hit the roof and stop giving her money when he finds out he is there. I do not blame him for it the way she did everything and lied.

I am not going to message or call her and see how long it takes before she does me. If she messages me I am going to tell her she needs to call me if she wants to talk. When she does and ask why I am not messaging her I am going to tell her because he reads everything I send you can’t have a private conversation with you no more. So it’s just easier to talk when he isn’t around.



{April 8, 2019}   Reality Setting In

Last night I was looking at facebook and it popped up, old boss, Bff;s hubby posted something a few minutes before. I looked it said feeling sad or upset and reality is starting to set in. He is away on the truck he was supposed to be back this past weekend but now not until Easter so he has been a way a little while.

I messaged her and asked what she done? She asked what I meant. I told her what I seen she seen it too. She said she didn’t know what it was all about she hadn’t said anything to him. She told me when he comes home she is telling him they are getting a divorce. I keep telling her she needs to wait and not do it yet she is going to make it worse than it has to be. I figured when I seen that she had said something to him or something had happen. That was all that was really said I went to sleep.

I went and got a tire on the truck and things this morning and tried to call her when I thought she would be taking the kids to school and headed to work. She never answered. I tried to call her a few times yesterday she never answered either. She hardly answers at all anymore her aunt said the same thing to me the other night she don’t hear from her and they she don’t see her anymore since he left and this one showed up and things. That she don’t think this is a good idea and that she thinks she is scared to be alone too.

She just called me a little bit ago and wanted to know if old boss contacted me. She said he contacted her oldest and the guy down the street where we all were drinking that night and where Sleeping Beauty is supposed to be staying. He contacted his wife this morning. She said she is waiting on her to get up so she can talk to her and see what was said or what she told him.

But I got news for her she can’t trust what she tells her because from what has been said they are or have been messing around and talking. I know she was up at the shop all the time for no real reason hanging out in the office and things when I wasn’t there because she was always logged into stuff on the computer. I would see her leaving there when I went by. This was long after her husband was fired and not working there anymore. Few times I was there she came up she didn’t hangout long never got out most the time or said she had to go because he was on his way home she didn’t’ want him to see her car there.

So she will most likely tell him that Sleeping Beauty isn’t staying there and that he is staying over there. Her oldest probably already has as well because she isn’t real happy about him being there and has been saying things and she is very two faced. As long as she is getting what she wants she acts all nice and like everything is great but as soon as she gets pissed about something or don’t get what she wants she will turn around and stab you in the back. Bff knows it she talks about it all the time, but then does all this stuff. I told her to many times you don’t want him to know something you shouldn’t be doing it where the kids can see or let them know what you are doing and you shouldn’t be telling them don’t tell daddy. I said that is wrong right there.

I said yeah I don’t tell my kids things and I also don’t do things in front of my kids. Not because I have anyone to answer to because I have no one to answer to and no one that can do anything about anything no matter how much they like it or don’t like it. But I am not going to tell my kids to lie for me there is no reason for them to. And I am not going to put my kids in that position to feel that they need to lie or that they are telling something they shouldn’t tell just because it is my business. I am not going to put them in the piston to be drilled by their dad if he walks back in the picture or anyone else that may decide to ask questions. Not telling your kids things and doing things they don’t know about is one things and I don’t have a problem with. But when you start telling them to lie and not to tell things and you are doing it and saying it in front of them that is wrong. I have a problem with that. She don’t really say much when I tell her or say it to her.

She seemed funny on the phone when she was talking to me today. She wasn’t sure what to say or what to do. I thought she was going to ask me what I was going to say or say something about what to say to him or what if he did but she didn’t. I think she wanted to but wasn’t sure. I said he probably won’t contact me anyway he will figure he isn’t going to get anywhere with me or get the information he wants out of me and left it at that. I haven’t said anything as much as I don’t agree with it because it isn’t’ my place. I don’t know what to say if he contacts me and starts asking questions. I am not going to lie but at the same time I don’t want to throw her under the bus or cause her problems. But I have a feeling by the time he contacts me if he does then he will probably already know and just trying to get someone to confirm it. I hope he don’t contact me and have to decide how to handle it if he does. I do not like being put in this position.



{October 21, 2018}   A New Judge

I received an email back from the judge’s Judicial Assistant. She said he no longer handles family law cases, I have to contact the clerk of court and see who they are giving my case to now. I have to do that this week and hopefully get an email sent to them. I hope they will just update it and send it to me rather than make me go back to court. While the judge the first time was all worried about me not doing things right and not having a lawyer i did everything right and the judge is the one who messed it up. It was in both sets of paperwork I filed and they still missed it. And it was discussed in court the day we went for the divorce.



{October 17, 2018}   Back to Divorce Court

Last Thursday I think it was I went up to check on housing help. I am not only worried about right now but in 6 months when my lease is up. I am not sure I can stay here if rent goes any higher. But there is no where cheaper to get. I am looking for better jobs so I do not need help but have to have a back-up plan. Anyway

On my way up there the guy from the car lot called me. He said something about he was going to call me the night before but didn’t get off until late and Starfishes ex roommate not showing up. Then he said he had cars he needed to find and get did I have help? I told him maybe I would check into it and see.

He said he had a lady that had 2 he needed to hit and a guy up north there he needed to findout about. I told him I was headed north then to take care of somethings. He said but you don’t have papers and key or help. I told him let me take care of business and I would track it down. If I found it i come get keys. I told him be looking for a driver and I be looking for help as well. He said okay.

I took care of what I needed to called and told him to give me the guys address and the info on what I was looking for. He text me the info. The guys job was on the same street I was on. I went by but he wasn’t there.

His house was about 10 minutes or less away. I went by did not see my truck I was looking for. He told me to call when I was by the house so I called and told him. He said to go knock on the door see if I could make contact but he wouldn’t answer the door.

There was another truck and car in the drive but he had a garage so it was probably in it. I went back by his job check the parking lot across the street. I had to pass the place on my way home. I seen a truck that could be it. I thought dang I should of check there before. I park in mall lot with ton of other cars and walk across the street to work if i was at risk of repo. Of course they are going to look at your job but who is going to look at the mall? It was wrong type of truck.

He told me to come to the lot that he gotten a few things taken care of. I got there we talked he was asking me what was going on and things. He said sorry not trying to pry into your personal matters, just trying to understand what is going on if I can help you in some way. You don’t have to answer. I just don’t really know much about you, you know this one, that one, worked here, know these but we never really have talked and your stressed, I can see difference from when you and starfish were here we talked and now. You have told me a little or made comments.

I told him a little bit and that I was working on going after them for child support. That I talk to the place the other week and I needed to take them papers. He asked why I hadn’t done it? I told him I was going to take it this week.

He wanted to know why I was waiting? I told him I work Friday and get my check then. If I had enough gas I was off Monday would be able to go then.

He said just go now get it over with. He said he owed me gas for going to them places, how much did he owe me. I said not much $5/$10. He said come on now, I said I was right by his job a block away and home was 5 minutes up the road, I’m not going to rip you off because it will benefit me. I didn’t even find it muchless get it. He said so you still done the job so what do I owe you? You can’t help it he wasn’t there with it.

I said whatever you give me is fine as long as I can make it to work I am good. We went inside he got money from the desk and gave me. Said go take care of that and get it off your list and things in motion. I got to the station he given me $30. I put it in gas and went to take care of business.

There was no one there so I was able to go right and talk to someone. They took all the info for father of the year then ask if he still lived on x street. It is his street so they have the right address.

Then the fact that he is not Little Bitties dad came up. They looked at all the papers I filed it is in both of them but the judge did not sign off saying it and make it part of the finale judgement. I use to have a paper but when I had to give info to the schools they needed it now they have lost it and I don’t have it.

They said they are going to turn it over to their judicial review team and see if they will go after RC and leave father of the year alone. Or they said if not then I am going to have to go to court and ask the judge to add it to the finale judgement.

Tonight I e-mailed the judge’s Judicial Assistant. Explain my divorce involved 4 kids and what the problem is. Hopfully they can fix it without me going back to court. The judge messed it up did not go over it not me. If they give me a problem I am going to tell them look he didn’t do this right either so lets just findout who I talk to about all the mess ups in it then and what can be done about it all if thats how you want to do things.



{September 7, 2018}   I’m Not Dropping Them At The Park

I have been thinking about father of the years boss saying he wants to see the kids. Him saying that he wants me to drop them at the park so he can talk to them about his new wife and accepting her and him not being around, paying and all that will come up too I am sure.

The more I think about it the more this seems like a really bad idea. And me going with them and hanging out isn’t a good idea either. Because the two of them can push buttons and try to start shit with me to get me in trouble. If I am alone and its just them and the kids I am pretty much sol if they start.

I may have said it before I don’t know but they can say what they want about me to people, they can do what they want to me, but they will not get my kids and lie to them about the last year and a half. They will not take my kids and try to convince them or push them or make them feel bad and guilt them into or force them into accepting her or agreeing to come over there when they don’t want to.

If him or them start lying to my kids about what went on or why he wasn’t around or telling them they have to accept her, they have to go over there or anything like that it will get bad. Because I will set things straight right there and I will tell them they do not have to do anything they do not want to. Just like he did not have to see, pay or do anything for them the last year and a half because he did not want to. That he is only paying now because his boss in making him not because he wants to now and that if he was 100% honest with them the only reason he wants to see them now is because he thinks it will get me to drop the child support with his boss. It is not going to happen.

I can see the two of them trying to start crap with me to get me in trouble and I am to the point I don’t care. If they start and it comes down to a fight then so be it. Because I am not scared or intemadaited by either of them. I have new for her, if it goes so far as I get a hold of her they will be hard pressed getting me off of her and she will be hurt. Because they are dragging my kids through more bs just because of their own selfish reasons.

I was talking to Bff and father of the years old boss about it the other day. I told them not only is it wrong but my kids want nothing to do with her. If they are made to go over there then all hell will break lose because when he starts abusing them like he did when he was around and she starts in on them. My older two will snap on her. My son who is autistic is close to 6′ and 175lbs. He is pushed and feels attacked and backed into a corner he will fight. He has never hit anyone but he blows up and if I had not stepped in the other day when him my mom where fighting I am afraid it would of come to blows then. I am working on finding somewhere to start taking him to therapy again to help work on things. He is hitting those teen years and hormones are starting to kick into overdrive. They are not going to get him over there and start on him until they push him and something happens then they try to say or do who knows what. He is not going to end up with charges or some baker act or something like that over something like this that is out of his control and because of some adult messing with him and pushing him starting with him. I will not let that happen.

She is that way and would do it in a minute it just to try and get at me and to keep them from coming over there. Because she don’t want them there.

I am going to try and find someone to go with me if I have to take them to meet him or them at the park. Because I am not going to be alone for them to try and pull something. If they do try and pull something I have a witness and I have someone to kind of help me stay cool and not blow up.

My friend juggernaut said his cousin would go with me. I do not know him but I may take him up on it if it comes down to it.

But the more I think about all of it the more I see it turning bad quickly. Depending on how ballz they are feeling. I can see them not really doing something straight foward to start but passive aggressively doing something to start. Part of me says she is to scared of me to do or say anything but part of me says they are just that nasty they would if they think it would get them out of paying support.



et cetera
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