Contempt Again and Finally Served

I hadn’t really thought of the deadbeats and child support in a while. I am not sure the last time I checked on it really. For some reason today I was walking through the shop not really thinking about anything and something said check child support enforcement. I went on and forgot about it.

Later this afternoon after I finished up working and had some simi free time I thought of it again. I looked up the case on Father of the Year first. It is showing over $2900 owed but it is more I know. It said just today they sent something to their lawyers to file contempt of court against him again. I figure we won’t get a court date for that until next year. It was aroumd this time last year when they finally did something and we didn’t go until May 15.

Then I looked at the case with R.C. it don’t show anything new so I looked it up at the clerk of courts site. It showed on the 19 I think it is returned or proof of service.

I went back to the child support site and chatted with someone there. She says he was served on 10/2/19. This shows you how long it takes them to get it in the computer and everyone to get the info. She said we are just waiting on a court date for that one too now. I am sure it will probably be some time next year as well.

We get in court I am going to ask about contact and all that. If he wants contact what I should tell her because she has been asking.

I am not looking foward to court with Father of the Year. I do not like the way I felt when he walked in the last time we went. I have to find someone

At least once they get onto R.C and make him pay he will. This with Father of the Year is going to be just another go in tell him to pay x amount of what he is behind and let him go. He cry to mommy and daddy or his boss and get the money. He will skip on about his way and not pay the rest of the year. Why we are in there I am bringing up his rights and getting rid of them.

My Letter Came

The letter from child support enforcement for the DNA test me and Little Bitty have to go take. I came home to it Friday. It is for the 20th of this month. But they told me as soon as I got it we could come in anytime between getting it and the date on the letter. Since the little ones are in Summer school last week and this week we are going this Friday since their last day is Thursday. Then it is just waiting for him to go to his local office and have his done. I hope he has went or goes soon and don’t wait until the last minute. It takes two or three weeks from the time of the last test. Then they will mail it to all of us.

Once we get the test back we should get a date to go in and figure everything out of a court date to do it. I think they will try to just sit down with each of us at our local offices and do the paperwork and start it as long as we both do everything we are supposed to or asked to. At this point the test is there all there is to figure out is how much ee each are responsible for. And they will go back two years to collect as well. But there really isn’t anything to fight or contest either.

The only thing we may run into problems with is the “parenting plan” as they call it. Because she don’t know him and he isn’t getting her for weeks or months at a time for now. I don’t know if he is going to push seeing her or that kind of thing. I am going to let him know she wants to know him and have a relationship and the ball is in his court if he wants to call her and come see her.

My thing now is how to explain everything to her? If he don’t want to see or talk to her how do I handle that with her. I need to get her back into therapy. It is going to be an eventful week/weekend after doing this test with her. Even more eventful next few months with all this going on.

A Long Slow Day

I have had two people come into work today and that is it. I have had two maybe three phone calls. I have made my calls and lined up the other appointment’s we needed for tomorrow. All that took about 15 minutes or less out of the 5 hours I have been here today.

I have spent most the day on here catching up on reading blogs because boy I was way farther behind than I thought on reading. I have written a few post and have a few more I am working on. Right now I am writing this and holding on the phone for child support enforcement to answer. They keep showing that they are sending papers to Father of the Years employer and of course and he is saying he isn’t working there and they show he isn’t earning wages at all right now. Funny he isn’t how is he paying rent and why is he driving a company truck and wearing their shirts? I knew this is what it would come down to, he already said he would do this no big surprise to me. I just hope that when he walks into court they decide to throw him in jail and let him figure out how to get out of that one. Let mommy and daddy or his not boss come off some money and bail him out. Because whatever they have to pay to get him out comes to me. At this point I don’t care who pays it. They all want to take up for him and hide him, lie for him protect him and don’t care about the kids involved then let them pay it.

I am holding with them mostly to find out what is going on with mine and RC’s case because it don’t show any actions have been taken on it. I mailed them paper work back the other day so something should happen soon. I also want to know if they plan to go after Father of the Year or just straight to RC since our divorce papers show that he isn’t the father. That is why I called but I also want to know what is going to happen in court when we go next month since everyone is lying and saying he isn’t working.

Oh joy they should be answering any minute now, they said my wait time is less than 20 minutes and I have been waiting 17.5 so far. I just hope they are helpful and I get some answers. It is always a hit and miss when talking to them rather you will get someone helpful or not. I don’t have time to go down there and take time off work to ask simple questions that I have. Before they wouldn’t tell you anything they tell you to come in they can’t give out information over the phone. Last time they talked to me and gave me information so maybe I will get lucky again. If they don’t want to give me information I am going to ask for a supervisor and tell them just that, I can’t afford to take off work and come down there to ask a couple simple questions and get information or find out why my case is at a stand still and get you all to get on the ball. Someone needs to give me some information and answer my questions.

I still have to go to my other job tonight when I finally get off here. I have to try to get there a few minutes early and talk to the owner. I am going to ask him if I can take off Thursday night. It is Little Bitty’s birthday and I told her we would go to the fair.

I got into it with the Bitch this morning about it. She asked me if I was getting off early for her birthday. I told her I only plan to go to the one job not both. She said why or something. I said because I promised her I would take her and it is her birthday. She says oh so you don’t plan to stay there either? (only 25 minutes and they have answered) You already something, in other words to lazy to do it or not willing to do it. I said no I don’t I plan to keep it and be there for a while.  Then she starts how they aren’t going to like it that I haven’t been there long and I am taking off to take my kid to the fair and blah blah. I don’t think they are really going to care because they are about family  and they know that I am the only one that is there for my kids and that when it comes down to it there are somethings that they come first and I do or have to do. That is why I took this job because it gives me some space to be able to take off and be there for them. It isn’t often and I let them know ahead of time not the last minute. Right now they have the other guy there to cover me. If it is a problem then I would rather find out now than later. Because if it is a problem then maybe I do need to find another job.

Well I talked to child support and they said to bring the pictures I have of Father of The Year working and all that. They also said they had sent payroll forms to 10 different employers that said he isn’t working for them and that they just sent a new one out the 7th of March. I asked if it was his current employer and he said he can’t tell me that. I am the one that sent them the information and told them where he was working and everything but they can’t tell me if they sent him a form and what he said. Got to love these people. I guess to protect their privacy but as far as I am concerned they have none if they are not paying for their kids and doing what they need to be and the employer is covering for them. They said they have not received the papers I mailed back yet but that they give 7 to 10 business days to get it then however long they take to get it into the computer. He said once they get it the next step is to call everyone in for the DNA test. I asked if they are going to call father of the year in or not he said that he hasn’t been ruled out because of the way the judge did the paperwork. He said that they will have to call everyone to court and show that he isn’t. But that right now they are going after RC so hopefully they won’t have to go after Father of The Year. Because the lady told me if they were going to go after him they would go after him not RC until he was proven not to be. So I am hoping that he is out of it now since they are going after RC and they don’t later try to drag him back into it. But I would say if they are going to call RC for DNA test it will show that he is the father they shouldn’t have to call the other one in at all. It’s just one more thing to deal with. I already have to miss work for court, the dna test and court with him. I don’t need to be missing work to go to court or what over something that I already addressed when I should of and now have to go back and fix the judges mistakes.

Well the good news is between being back on here and dealing with child support it is now 4pm and I only have about 50 minutes before I can leave and head to my other job.

Two Years Back

I also have to go to child support enforcement for Little Bitty and have them go after RC. When called the other day they said that they will only go back two years no matter how old the child is so I need to start that process and get that taken care of. The longer I wait the more I lose. I should take father of the year to court for the two years I couldn’t file because he jerked the divorce around. But it isn’t worth it and I wouldn’t get anything anyway. I just want to get it going so that I can use that money to do things with her that she wants to do like dance or sports. The other kids did stuff this year and she wanted to but she was to little, he is old enough now that in a few months dance will start and I want to get her started at the be-gaining but there is a lot of cost that comes with dance that I know I don’t have the extra. If I am working I should be able to cover most the bills here without touching what I get for them. Freeing that money to do things with them. I would put so much a month away in a savings so that if something happen we wouldn’t be stuck like we have this month or back at Christmas but I am not just going to spend it blow it on whatever or save it all. I want them to be able to do things.

I just hope they are able to find her dad to get things done. Because I no longer have any of his information. I gave it to them and others before but it was in one of my phones that got dropped in water I was never able to get the information off of it after that. The lady told me the other day something about they run social security numbers every night to see if any come back with new addresses and things that they can use. But they are running thousands of numbers a night probably, how is that sorted and flagged so that the person that is handling your case gets it? Will it take weeks or months to get it where it needs to be or before someone knows that it had new information on it? Then how long does it take to file the papers that need filed and get them served? By then have they moved on or found another job or something. Because it seems that if it worked so well there wouldn’t be so many people still waiting forever for them to get them help. I could file against him myself like I am father of the Year but I do not know where he works, his address or even what state he is in for sure. I know that he is paying child support on one other child or was at the time we were together. I figure if he is they should be able to get all the information they need from that case if they will get it and use it. If not then his number should be linked to a job and a place he is living and they should get him that way pretty quick. He does keep a job and work, well he use to keep a job and work all the time. He didn’t want to get in trouble for not paying. I know he is living somewhere because he has her and the kids that have to have a place. He never really did try to hide so I am thinking it shouldn’t take long to get things started there. He may ask for a dna test or they might but I am not worried about that either. Because I know it will come back saying he is the father and that he can’t hold it up to get out of paying. He is still responsible for paying from the time I file plus two years back. He knows that she is his he can say he don’t know all he wants but he knows he is her father.

Off to the store to get some food in this house for today and tomorrow in hopes things are fixed tomorrow and I can go shopping for the week hopefully by Tuesday because this is money I have for gas and bills.

18 Years of Lies Not Doing It

You know my mom talking about me not giving Little Bitty my married last name and not keeping it myself is all because she thinks I should just do like she did and I’m not doing it. My mom had me right after she turned 18. Her and my dad got married sometime that year I am not even sure when really. Then about three years later she had my brother. Well of course we all had the same last name because they were married and we have the same parents. When I was in about third grade my parents got a divorce and not long after my mom remarried and had my sister. So then her and my mom had my Step dads name never seemed odd or bothered me that we didn’t have the same name. Life goes on and after a while they got divorced too when I was around 20, but they had not lived together for years at that point. She kept his last name after the divorce again no big deal to me never thought twice about it, don’t care.

In the meantime my brother turns 18 and decides to move out and go live with my dad and my mom gets pissed. She never wanted us to live with my dad and fought it every time he would try to go to court and get us even though I wanted to live with him from the start. When I turned 18 I went to live with him and she caused a bunch of problems and I had to go back to her house in order to finish school even though I was 18. I could have fought it my dad would have fought it but it would have taken months. It was December and school was out in 4 months and I would be finished probably before it all got settled. It was really pointless to have my dad fight it then, spend money and miss work.

Well my brother goes to live with my dad and she don’t want him to so she tries everything she can to get him to come home and he won’t. By now she had pulled him from school to “homeschool” him and they weren’t even do that at that point so she couldn’t use that to get him to come home. Really if he was in school and tried it I don’t think he would have came home anyway. He would have just quit school. But I wasn’t going to do that because I think that is part of what she wanted when she pulled it with me. I was going to do something she didn’t and I was proving her wrong by doing it. Instead of trying to help and make sure I finished and got the help I needed all she ever did was tell me how I would never finish and if I did it would never be with my class. At that point the only reason I stayed in school and finished was to prove her wrong and it meant so much to my dad for me to finish.

Anyway when she couldn’t find any other way to get my brother to come home she decides to drop a bomb that no one expected. She tells him that isn’t really his dad some other guy off in some other state is. That didn’t work either and my brother still to this day is pissed at her for lying to him all these years and wonders about it. The guy that is supposed to be his dad I guess didn’t want to talk to him meet him or anything like that. She went so far as to try and get a hold of him when all this went down. I guess he has a wife and kids and things and I don’t know if they know any of this or not.

I do not know what happen how she ended up with him 2 years after her and my dad got married, I don’t know if my dad knew and decided to try and work things out, if she did this and told my dad later or what. I do know my dad knew and that everyone else in the family knew from the be gaining. I guess she didn’t tell him, didn’t go after support or anything else because she didn’t want him to be in the picture, she didn’t want him to have any rights to him or to see him and take him for visits and things if he ever came around and wanted to. Her easy out was here if you are married when you have a baby whoever your husband is goes on the birth certificate as the father and they are the father until them or someone else proves different. So by giving him my dads last name and him being on the birth certificate meant that if this other guy every came around he would have an even harder fight to see him than if no one was on it. I know nothing about this guy other than what I have put here, I don’t even know his name or anything else for that matter. My brother was told who it was but for whatever reason I was never told. I never cared I was living there at the time and I stayed out of it. I was not around when it was talked about. I was just told that isn’t his dad and that was it.

She has made the comment to me different times about Little Bitty and her dad being able to come and take her and if he wants to see her them making me let him see her and making me let him take her off to wherever it is he is living now around whoever he wants and there is nothing I could do about it. Even told me if I went after him for child support she was going to be really pissed off. Like that is supposed to make a difference to me. No one ever talks about him or brings him up other than me and my friends when we are talking or what. I do not call ex daddy to her never have. She is the one that has pushed that and we have fought about it every since I had her. Now she is older she hears the other kids call him that so she does. It makes me sick but I know why she does it. When she says something about daddy talking about him, I tell her that’s not daddy that is Father of the Year. She calls him both. The kids have said something about him being her dad or what and I have told them no he is not her dad RC is her dad. My Big Boy questions it and don’t really understand. He was little when we lived there and me and RC were together. They did not know I was pregnant until we were split up and we had moved out of there. Then Father of the Year ended up living in the playroom all that time and being around so he just thinks that is her dad I guess. I don’t think he even knows how babies are “made” really so he isn’t thinking that something had to happen between us you know. We haven’t had that talk to in depth yet. Tonight he said my oldest daughter could just have babies and be a single mom if she wanted to she didn’t need a husband or boyfriend if she didn’t want one. I ask him how she was going to have kids if she didn’t have one or the other and he said just have them. I know bad mom we should of had this talk by now probably but he is him and not on level with other kids his age. He is starting to come around to where we need to have that talk I know.

But anyway I think that my mom thinks that Ii just needed to do things like she did and never tell Little Bitty or anyone else that RC is her dad. Like she didn’t tell my brother and let everyone and him think my dad was his dad. Well everyone but family and they all kept it a secret all that time. I am shocked that none of the family let it out of the bag way before she did. But things are way different with me and Little Bitty, her dad and Father of the Year. I was not with Father of The Year had not been for almost a year at the time I met RC. We have never been back together as a couple since then and have not tried to work it out or wanted to work it out. So why would I give her his last name and let her think that is her dad? And if nothing else she has a right to know who her real dad is no matter what. It is then up to her what she wants to do with that information. If she wants to one dad try and find him and meet him fine I am all for it and will help her. If she don’t care to find him and meet him or try to that is fine too. If he comes around and wants to have a relationship with her and she is old enough to understand and wants to ok if she don’t that is ok too. If he was to come around tomorrow and want to see her meet her have a relationship with her and be a dad that would be fine too we would work on that. Because they both have the right to have that relationship if they want to. It isn’t for my mom, my ex, my friends, other family or kids to say if she can or can’t if she should or shouldn’t. It isn’t for me to say she should or shouldn’t. That is there right. Was what he done right? No is how things have been for her because of it these last 4 years right? Not at all. Do people fuck up and make mistakes? They sure do. Should they be punished for them from now on no not if they are stepping up admitting to them and trying to fix things.

But I think that is her problem she don’t want him to ever be able to come in the picture and have anything to do with her. She don’t think I should ever ask for a dime of support and she don’t think that I should ever bring him up or tell her anything about him. It pisses her off that I am not doing what she says. Thinking about it while writing this I think that is why she made it a point to bring me money the other day when they called and were out front and she seen my hair. She keeps asking if I need money or need anything. When I went to get the money she said she split what she had left with me to make sure I had money in case we needed anything she didn’t want me to not have any money. I just shrugged my shoulders at her as I was walking around the truck because I already told her I didn’t need it I had a little bit and had all that we needed. I was aggravated because I know Friday I will be hearing how she needs her money back and be wanting it out of what he gives me. I don’t have it, I have a water bill that needs paid so it don’t go off and I have rent that needs paid so it isn’t late. I don’t want to keep borrowing if I don’t have to and have to owe out. I am trying to get everything and everyone paid off so that I can get on track and start saving. Living this way cost a lot more than being able to do it without borrowing.

But I bet she is thinking that the other month I went and done anything and everything that I could think of to get the money to pay things here and take care of what I needed to. She knows that we are scrapping by to get to next month and I am trying to find a job. But that didn’t matter before, she just call and say their bills need paid, he spent money on this or that and paid this or that and gave her money back so he don’t have any and she don’t know what we are going to do. I love how she needed paid back right away when all her bills and rent are being paid she has money in her pocket but she needed paid back right away what he borrowed form her. His kids could just wait until whenever he gets it and can do without. But then the last few weeks she has been making sure whatever I tell him needs taken care of gets taken care of and that I have a little money to get gas or soap or whatever we might need. While writing this I thought I bet she is worried I will go down and file papers and go after RC for child support. I couldn’t before because even though Father of the Year is no on the birth certificate because we were married they said he was responsible and would not go after her dad at all even though no one was paying anything for her. Something was said about Father of the Year paying support when I was talking to her and she said something about him paying it on all of them or for all of them. Then she said no he is only paying for the three of them and changed the subject kind of quick. I bet then she though oh the divorce is done now she can go down and go after him and if she can’t find a job soon and make it she will to get that to help with her and what she needs. She don’t want that for anything so she is probably trying to figure every what way to make sure what needs paid here gets paid and we have a little money.

I got news for her I don’t care what she does when I get ready I will be going down and filing against him for support. He should be paying and he will be. Just like now there are things I would like to do for her that I can’t because I have to pay everything else. If I was working then I would be able to take the money he has to give me and do the things I want to do for her and let her do the things I want to. Just like if I am working or have my part to cover the bills I am able to use what Father of the Year gives me and do things for the other kids. I just haven’t went down there right now because I have had school to worry about and I am trying to decide if I want to go to child support enforcement or file through the court. Right now I think the cheapest way for me to go is through child support enforcement but at the same time I think it will take forever for them to do anything. Most people it takes years. So I could go through the court faster. But then if they want dna test and things like that I don’t have the money to get them. I think I will go to child support and see what they say then if it seems like it is going to be no help or take forever I will go to the court house and file myself. Also if I go to court they are going to set times he can see her and take her and things like that. I really don’t think he is going to but he may. If I go to child support enforcement then they are just going to set up child support and tell him to take me to court if he wants to see her. If he wants to take me to court then he has to come here and take me to court because this is where she lives. I know he isn’t going to do that.

But yeah that is her thing with all this and what she thinks I should have done and what she wants to happen. She thinks that this is all 18just no big deal just lie to her her whole life and never tell her or wait until she is over 18 and tell her. That just screams problems from then on just like her and my brother. She says she don’t know what is wrong with him but I do and I know the fact that everyone lied to him all that time and then she told him the way she did and why she did he is not happy about it. It is years later but that isn’t something that just goes away or gets better. I am not going to ruin my relationship with my kid over one lie that there is no reason to tell to start with. If it was me and I was told that I would not want a relationship with that person anymore or feel I could trust them or that they had my best interest in mind or anything else ever again. That would be one of them things for me would be a your cut off out of my life from now on from here on out no going back. I don’t care what your reason is for it or how sorry you are now. I can see Little Bitty being the same way when she is older she is to much like me and her dad and we are both the same way.

Let me just say I know that blood don’t mean anything when it comes to being a parent or not being a parent. My dad took care of my brother just as if he was his and just the same as he did me. He did not have to do that but he did he was a father not by blood but by choice. That is fine but my brother still had a right to know. If me and Father of the Year had tried to work things out and gotten back together and things worked out and he raised and took care of Little Bitty as his own that would have been fine as well. But she still would have had a right to know the truth long before she was 18 or older. Just as if I ever get with someone and we end up together from now on and if they were to become that father figure to her she will still know the truth. Because again it is her right to know and it is better to be honest with her from the be gaining than lie for years and then tell her. I am not saying in any way it is wrong for someone else to take on a child that is no their own and raise it as their own, I know a lot of guys who have and a lot of women who have and it is a great thing when they can have that bond with that child. But it is important that child knows the same truth everyone else knows not live a lie all their life and then find out. Because no matter how much that child loves that other person and that relationship between them may not change, it changes things in that child and for that child and it affects them the rest of their life. Knowing their other parent isn’t in the picture and not knowing them or only meeting them will have an effect on that child as well but that child has all their life growing up to process that and deal with that and to figure that out along with your help if need be. once they are an adult and they find this out your relationship with them has been forever changed rather they admit it to you or not and now they are dealing with that and the in formation you just dumped on them. and now they are doing it on their own. I also think that this is part of the reason my brother drank the way he did for a while there. Because it was right after he found that out he started and he was out of control for a while. Again I don’t wan that with and for my child.

Not an X or Y but a Z

The other day when I was talking to my mom and she started about me changing my name it pissed me off. Why would I not change me name back to my maiden name? Just because my kids have that last name I do not see why I should keep that last name. She says it makes things easier, I don’t know what things she thinks it makes easier, nothing I have ever had to do does it matter if my last name is shit and theirs is blue. No one has ever questioned it. Me having a different last name than them means nothings, proves or disproves anything. What am I supposed to keep that last name to save some kind of face? Or so people won’t know I am divorced or because some may think I was never married? I just don’t get it. She says so that if someone ever had to get a hold of me because of the kids if something ever happened. Well most everywhere has my name and phone number so that shouldn’t be a problem. If they don’t then I don’t know how they would find me to start with and if they were able to my last name isn’t going to make a huge difference because where ever they got their information to get a hold of me from would have to have both our information and know that I was there mother. I just don’t get what the big deal is. Please tell me someone if I am missing something here where this would make a huge difference?

When she started about the kids and said all my kids have the same last name and then… I stopped her and told her no Little Bitty did not have the same last name as the rest of my kids. She said something about she didn’t know why I went and gave her his last name or something like that talking about RC. I stopped her again and said no she don’t have his last name either she has mine. She again started about I should have just kept my name the same and gave her that name too. I said why would I give her that name she isn’t an X nothing to do with them not related to them. She said well she isn’t a my last name either. I said yes she is and she kept on that no she wasn’t and all this. I was getting really pissed off and I just shut her down and said I got to go and got off the phone because it is none of her business number one, number 2 again what is the big deal? and three how can she say she is not an Y when I am a Y and she came from me? I said she is both Y and Z just as much one as the other because I am her mother and RC is her father. She still tried to argue with me she was not.

If you do a DNA test on her or anyone for that matter it is going to say they have dna from this person and this person. The mother and the father. In that case the mother is from one family and the father is from another family there for she has two families dna in her. That would make them a Y and Z. Not any part of X dna would show up o she would not be part of the X family. So why would you give them X name and how can you say that she isn’t a Y or Z. She says she isn’t a Y because that is my families name not her fathers that technically she would be a Z but since he is not in the picture and she don’t know that side of the family then I should have just given her X name and kept X name and she would just be an X. I agree he is not in the picture and she don’t know that side of the family so then why give her that name if he isn’t going to know that side. But then at the same time she is also a Y so why not give her that name since that is also what she is and sine she will know some of that side of her family?

Really while writing this and thinking about it more I think it is again her own issues and things she did in life and she again thinks everyone should do things how she did them and they aren’t so she is mad. Maybe I will write more about that tomorrow or another time, I have to think about this a little bit.

I truly love to hear your feedback on this one and if I am missing the bigger picture here some how on why it is so important that I should not have went back to my maiden name? And am I wrong that she is a Y and Z and could have either last name sine she is? Or should she be a Z since that is her dads name? And not have my last name since that is my family? Can’t wait to see the responses I get on this because I really want to know if I am wrong here.