Single___Parent___Life











{March 11, 2020}   H1N1 Or Swine Flu Has Struck

Friday Little Bitty got home from school and went straight to bed. They called said she as rolling around crying and upset saying her head, belly and throat hurt. I ended up taking off early and taking her to get checked. They said she did not test positive for the flu or strep just keep an eye on her. She spent all day Saturday in bed and all day Sunday. Sunday night, Monday morning she woke me up about every half hour to hour telling me to stop talking she was trying to sleep and didn’t feel good or other things that I could not even understand. Finally she woke me up about 7 something I felt her and she was hot. I took her temperature and it was 103. I gave her a drink and some Motrin and we finally went back to sleep and slept for about 4 hours straight. Her fever was back down and stayed around 100. By a bout 3 or so she was feeling really bad and asking to go back to the doctor. We got ready and I checked her temp again, it was still around 100 so I didn’t give her anything.

We get to the doctor about an hour away with evening traffic and things. We waited probably another hour to be seen they were so busy. We got back there they took her temp and it was 104. They were worried about it got her something to bring it back down again. They tested her again for the flu and it came back positive. There is really nothing they can do but give something for fever get her to drink and give her something to keep her from getting sick. Because I was having to give her something to keep her from puking about twice a day but only like in the evening and at night. By that point I had done gave it to her in the morning and then again in the early afternoon.

She is out of school until Monday and that is our Spring break so she is out for two weeks before she can go back. I feel so bad for her she is so miserable and just cries she don’t feel good and can’t breath because her nose is stopped up and she feels sick and going to puke. Yesterday she refused the medication to keep her from puking and said she thought it would be better if she just puked than taking something to keep it from happening. But she couldn’t even because she has hardly eaten anything since Thursday night. She finally took the medication so she wasn’t dry heaving all after noon and could rest.

The doctor said she wasn’t worried about if she was eating or not but she needs to make sure she drinks. She said she wants her to have three 16 oz bottles a day but she may not get that in. That rule of thumb with her being sick is she has to go to the bathroom once every 6 hours or she has to go straight to the er and get iv fluids to keep her from getting dehydrated.



{May 3, 2019}   Talked to Mr. Responsible

The other night at work, I think Tuesday I went outside and was sitting and I messaged him. We started talking, I asked him what meds he was on when he came out of the hospital? He said he didn’t know a list. I told him what I was thinking that he was holding fluid, he said he gets rid of plenty of fluid. I said yeah but still might be. We talked back and forth he said I was on a blood pressure. I said that will make you get rid of fluids. I said I don’t know but it makes since because you started gaining about then and can’t lose and you don’t eat a lot and working all the time. I said I think you really need to get that checked out and look into it. He said yeah he probably should and thanks for looking out or bringing it up. I said you have them babies that need you, you need to take care of yourself. He said yeah I just need to find time to go to the doctor. I told him I knew how that was.

So I don’t know I hope he thinks about it and goes in to see what is up or what is going on. Because if that is what it is, it is pretty bad. I did what I could and brought it up to him. I tried last time to get him to go but he just said he was alright and it was this or that. But this time when I said that and we were talking he seem like he was thinking about it and go.



As you all know if you read my other post, Little Bitty went to work with me Thursday to my day job. She had her teeth looked at and I dropped her at home. I went back to work. Well then few hours later they called and said she couldn’t go to the bathroom. She said it burnt and hurt.

It was 4:30 then, I called my other job and told the boss I was going to be late. I told him I should be in at 7.

I then seen it was 4:30 and asked the owner at my other job if I could go ahead and go. He said yes, that if I couldn’t make it Friday to let him know as soon as I knew or could. I told him I would be there. He sounded surprised and said something. I said I will be here don’t worry. He just said okay.

I ran picked her up and took her to the doctor’s. I did not get out of there until 7 or close to it. I was in such a mood and so upset with the death, fighting with the winch, Bitty being sick. I was just done, I wanted to go to the lot and quit. I but knew I couldn’t. I figured I was going to get fired or jumped all over anyways it get nasty I end up not there.

I went right there from the doctor’s office to talk to them. I was all but in tears by the time I got there. Mr. Auto was there and the other guy. The other guy stayed to cover for me.

We went in I walked over and talk to him. Thanked him for covering for me and ask if he could cover the rest of my hours for the night? He said yes it was okay. I still had to get her meds and get her home. He talk to her ask how she felt and gave her candy.

We walked over and talk to Mr. Auto he had finished with his customers. He talked to her and gave her a handful of candy. We left so we could get her meds before they closed.

Friday I went to work ready for my lecture and lashing for missing half the day and bringing her to work. The one owner and the fill in guy had already left they had to get an early start we had a lot of appointments for the day. He called for something and before he told me what he needed or anything he asked how my little one was. If she was feeling better? Then told me what he needed to about work.

Later Pop’s son came in I was surprised with his mom just passing the day before. I thought this is it, he must be really mad he came in with all that is going on to see me. He come in and said I have to pay you they aren’t going to be back in time and he ask what I had worked the day before. Then he came in said hows your little girl? Is everything okay now? I told him. I also told him sorry to hear about his mom. He left. He wasn’t mad or anything.

I went back to working on my project I had been working on when he left. In a little bit I get a text, it was from the guy who covered my shift the night before.

He asked how Little Bitty was doing and how I was doing. He said I looked really upset and things the night before when we were in.

When I got off and headed for my other job I was preparing myself for dealing with the boss when I got there. He had already went home when I stopped the night before. He is nice but can have a temper or adduttude if he don’t like something.

I went in and just went straight back to his office to talk to him. I walked up and he said hi, how are you? How is your daughter, did you get everything taken care of? Ii said yes and sorry for missing the whole night. He said good and went on talking about other things.

It is nice to be looked at as a person who has a life outside of work. Not that your life is work. You aren’t just a body to fill a position like most places. Had that been my last job or most others I been yelled at told I was going to lose my job and that I needed to take care of that on my day off even though I only had weekends off when doctores are closed. I always do everything I can on my days off or give notice way ahead of time untless an emergancy like that comes up.



{June 5, 2017}   Still Not Working

I called Wednesday to get an appointment to get my medication adjusted or changed. They told me that they didn’t have anything for weeks with the one nurse that I see. I told them what it was for even and they still acted as if it was no big deal. I told her I also seen the other doctor and could I get in with him. She looked and said the only thing she had with him was the next morning at 8:30 am. I told her I would take it, I had to get something done right away it had already been a week or more. I had to get the kids up early get them to daycare early and get about 20 miles away to the doctor. I got there about 10 minutes early so I was glad because I woke up a little late.

I sat there an my time came and went, this lady came in about ten minutes past when I was told to be there and said she was supposed to be there at 9 to see the same doctor. Well in about ten more minutes they came and took her back. It wasn’t even 9 yet and I was still in the waiting room. I waited a while longer and finally after 9 they took me to a room. The tech was rude and really getting on my last nerve I woke up really sick and in a bad mood because all I wanted to do was sleep buy drug myself up there and now it is past my time by over 45 minutes. I ended up sitting there until 930 before the doctor came in. He talk to me said to double the medication I am taking and he was adding another to it because I have two different things going on and I needed a different medication because the one only helped with the other not both. I told him I woke up feeling pretty sick the kids all had strep could he check me he said sure and did. He gave me medications for that as well. He spend about 10 or 15 minutes with me wanted to know if I had my thyroid checked and why, then wanted to know if I had blood work lately. I told him no he said to go get it done they needed to check it again since I had not been anywhere to get it taken care of yet. I told him I can’t hardly find a doctor. He said he knows he don’t think the healthcare is right the way they do things and people not being able to see doctors and get help. We talked about kids and different things. He asked if I was seeing the therapist there I told him no I was seeing someone closer to home, he said keep going and to come see him again in a month.

I forgot to pick my medications up before I came home that evening so I waited  to get them. I had the one I been taking so I just started taking two of them until I could get the other. Well I looked up the new one and every where I see says not to take the new one and the one I am on already together there could be major drug interactions. I called the drug store and talked to them there about it and he said no not to do it and that he would not do it. He said to go back and get something else. This was Friday morning, I called the doctors office and talked to the nurse I told her what was wrong that my medication was not working he told me to double it but that I also needed something else I feel I need something else as well but that they said do not take the two together so I need him to change one or both of them and let me know when they called something in for me. Well they never did. Here I sit all weekend still only taking the one and it still isn’t working after doubling it. I would think the way I react to medication and this one on the lower dose that I would feel something doubling it like that all at once and I don’t. I am still sleeping as much as I can and not doing anything. I want to get things done around here I just can’t hold my eyes open to do it. I took the pill early and went to bed early got plenty of sleep but still after no time an hour or two if that I just want to lay down and not get up for hours.

I am going to call them back tomorrow and ask for the office manager because I am not going to be told I have to come back in when I was just there to get this taken care of. I have to start my new job tomorrow and go to the shop and do some stuff this week. I do not have time to come in there. The doctor should know what interacts with each other to a point or check if he don’t so this don’t happen. He had a guy right there following him with a computer doing other stuff he could of had him look it up if he didn’t know. It took me two seconds to find it. I am not going to wait days or weeks to get in or sit there for hours waiting to be seen. I don’t have time for that. That is why I don’t go 99% of the time because you come out with no help and nothing you need.



{March 23, 2017}   Pregnancy, Labor, Delivery

I am so aggravated right now, my niece is in the hospital being forced into labor and everyone is talking about epidurals and the baby being to stubborn because she won’t get out. I just want to scream shut the fuck up educate her and support her not set her up for failure.

She isn’t even 21 yet and this is her first baby, so there is a lot she don’t understand or know and baby is a week late. I understand that I was there with my first as well. She wasn’t late but she waited right up until the last minute to decide to come. she came two days before her due date, it was a horrible labor and delivery because there was no one not even my midwife around for support and to answer even simple basic questions I had. I was almost an “emergency” c section because of it all and my midwife was the one who started my ball rolling that way. Since then I have had two great births and one I only remember parts of. My first and the one I only remember parts of are why my last two were so much better. I decided to educate myself since I felt all the information I was getting was not in the best interest of myself or baby and coming from uneducated people. They aren’t stupid they are just followers and the easiest way kind of people. The doctor said it so it must be true and safe kind of people. I am not that way at all just because the doctor said it don’t mean it is true and even if it is true it don’t mean they are giving you ALL the information they could be.

Example someone getting their gallbladder out, ask the doctor is it safe or the risk? They laugh oh gallbladders we take them out all the time. Do they tell you this many people have these side effects from it sometimes for life? Or that you run a higher risk for liver problems no. Just that it is safe and they do 100’s of them. Sure the surgery might be safe but what are the after effects? What are the worse case? How often do they happen?

Back to the pregnant mamma who is ready to have her baby, they tell her if you go over 40 weeks we will run test and set you up to be induced. Don’t worry we induce all the time baby will be here with in no time. They don’t say if we induce you, your risk of c section goes way up. They do not tell them that labor once it starts from being induced is harder and stronger than going natural upping the chances of getting an epidural and raising your risk of c section even higher. They don’t say that the epidural can slow labor down and cause a need for a catheter that can cause infection. They tell you if your cervix is not ready they will start with cervidil to soften it and that should get things going and most think this is going to magically bring on labor. They tell you then they will give you potocin if it don’t or to help things along once it has done what it should or if it don’t. This is where your chances for c section really jump and things start on their downhill roll. Because once the contractions start you are doubled over in pain almost from the start. They do not come on weak and get stronger as time goes, they come on strong and hard and just keep building. Everyone does like they are doing my niece right now oh it will all be worth it and just hang in there as soon as you get to 4 you can have your epidural you won’t feel anything then.

My niece has been complaining about baby not coming and things for the last couple of weeks as any of us who have kids did lets face it the last few weeks are miserable, you can’t sleep, you can’t hardly walk, your hot all the time, you feel like your as big as a house and you just want to meet your baby. It’s understandable trust me I know, carried 4 babies through the summer working and being mom all along or ended up on bed rest only to try and do for the other kids and not risk the baby. Pregnancy is hard labor and delivery is the easy part if you let your body do what it was maid to do and not rush it.

My niece was all excited last week they had a date set to be induced their baby was going to be here. I told her not to do it, get the test if everything was fine give her body and the baby more time. I told her that being induced was a last resort and horrible way to go about labor and delivery if there was no medical reason for it. I got told to leave her alone and stop scaring her by other family. Her friends all told her how it was no big deal they were induced for this reason or that. Some just because it fit their timing better.

Well she went in at 4 yesterday and they gave her the cervidil and this morning they started her on potosin. Around 11 I think she said she was just at 1 cm and in a lot of pain. Again everyone chimed in don’t worry you will be at 4 in no time and have your epidural. Then they were asking if her water had broke. She said no not yet, they were telling her if they broke her water it should help get things moving as well. But no one bothers to tell you that once they do that you are on a time frame to progress and have baby or get a c section. I think they told me that if you haven’t had the baby with in 12 hours they start wanting to do one.

I am just so mad that everyone sits back and tells her all this stuff and makes it seem like no big deal and tells you to stop scaring her when you try to tell her the truth and help her made a truly informed decision for herself and the baby. I’m not just talking out my ass or going by doctor google or something I am a trained duala. People will pay me to be at their births and give them information like this. I would have gotten a sitter and went to be with her if she had wanted me to, I could show her ways to deal with the pain and help with it, positions to try to help things along with breastfeeding and things after if she wanted it. But she listen to everyone else tell her oh it is fine just get induced.

Do they not know that our country is ranked one of the highest for infant deaths at birth? And one of the highest c section rates? We did not get to be the highest or one of the highest in the world because all the interventions they use are 100% safe and should be used like candy to shut a crying kid up because you don’t want to deal with them. It is this way because our country can’t wait for anything anymore they want everything right now. It is to much to wait for a baby to finish growing and developing we have to induce and make it come right now. Everything has to go right by the book every one has to be cookie cutter if not then something is wrong we must make it match. If there is no medical reason, all test are showing fine that women can not go to 41, or 42 weeks. Hell my moms friend said back in the 80’s her son was a month late before he finally came. Guess what he had no problems he was healthy. I had another friend they told his wife she was measuring to big she had to be farther along than she thought there was no way she was only x weeks. They induced her, guess what? The baby is blind, the baby had a feeding tube for a long time, the baby had other problems and is very delayed. Because she was just measuring big she was not farther along.

Also did you know that their ultrasound test are only guesses at how big baby is? Everyone gets the ultrasound and they tell them baby is this or that big. It is a guess, I was told they can be off by as much as 2 lbs either way. But they can be even farther off than that. They kept telling they hoped my son would get to 5lbs a week later I had him he was well over 7. They just told me he wasn’t even 5 yet. My last one they told me my baby would probably be 4 lbs no way she would be over she was measuring to small. She was 6 even.

I wish people would educate their self one things and not tell others oh your going to scare someone or don’t tell them that when they know what they are talking about. If you are having a kid then you should be able to handle being told the truth about labor delivery and being induced. You shouldn’t need it sugar coated and your shouldn’t want it sugar coated and walk in and end up blindsided by it all as the snowball rolls down the hill.

People do not follow your doctor blindly just because they say this or that does not mean they have your best interest in mind when they are telling you. Should they? Yes, Do they? Not always, they have that date with their wife tonight, or that thing at their kids school they need to get to or any other number of things. Really build a re pore with your doctor, research and check things they tell you out to see if it is in your best interest or just what works best for them. When it comes to labor and delivery a midwife is not always better, or just because she is a midwife and supposed to be so for supporting mom and best interest of mom and baby and all that does not mean she really is and really does what is in mom or baby’s best interest and not what is in hers.

If your doctor or midwife comes in and tells you your leaking fluid we have to induce because you have to have baby with in so long after your water breaks, they are lying, one there is a difference in leaking and water breaking. Your water can leak for a while before full labor starts, your body is always making more water as well so it won’t magically run out of water in a short time. Even if your water breaks as long as everyone keeps their hands out of there you are safe for a lot longer than they tell you and again your body is always making new water. I can contest to this first hand. My 3 rd baby water broke at 730 in the morning, I did not have him until 9 something that night, I still had water running down my leg every time I got up to walk around or go to the bathroom. Some women’s water will break or start leaking really early they will put them on strict bed rest some for weeks to try to keep them from going into labor because it is to early. If baby had to come out with in so many hours of water leaking or breaking they would’t be able to do that. If it is broke because it is time to have baby then baby is on it’s way out it just takes a little time sometimes not everyone has the baby with in 12 hours and others have them with in hours, again the cookie cutter we are all supposed to fit into.

This is what my midwife told me when I got to the hospital a few hours after my water started leaking. I had to have the baby with in x time because it was leaking. It didn’t sound right to me but I was young it was my first baby and I had no one else to ask or talk to about it. I was there so I let them do what they needed to do. Even though it wasn’t what I wanted or wanted to do at all. I wasn’t even 4 cm so they could have sent me home and told me to come back when my contractions had started better and closer together, because I wasn’t really having them at all a that point. Most hospitals will not keep you they send you home and tell you your not in labor until your at a 4 around here. So again I thought it was odd she was keeping me and going to induce me. I later figured out that I think she kept me and induced me because it was around 9 or 10 when I got there and she had to be called to the hospital. I think she thought if she induced me with my water already leaking I would probably go into labor and have her in just a little bit and she could then go home for the night. If she just sent me home and told me to come back when contractions were this or that then I could of ended up back in there in an hour or two, some time in the middle of the night or maybe not even until the next day. I think she didn’t want to risk having to come back out in the middle of the night if she sent me home. Again if she induced me then baby should be here by midnight and she be home for the night. But that isn’t what happen it didn’t work and baby didn’t come until the next day. I had a horrible labor all kinds of questions and she laid somewhere and slept for the night in the hospital and never once would come to my room to check on me and answer my questions. Hearing other stories of the way she did people I believe this is why she done me that way.

When I went into labor a year and half later with my 2nd baby my water just started leaking. I went to hospital because of blood and I was high risk so I was told to get there at any sign of blood. I got there around 10 the doctor got out of her c section she was doing and talked to me about 11. She said it was okay the blood wasn’t anything to worry about and not from me being high risk. She then said she was going home she would check in on me in the morning before she went into the office or if she got called back in the night. That if I needed anything they would take care of me or call her if I needed her. I said but my water is leaking don’t you have to induce so that I have the baby by x amount of time? She said nope it hasn’t broke it is only leaking baby is fine there is no need to induce your body knows what to do and will do what it needs to do. I have delivered 8 babies 2 of them c sections I am going home for the night because you are fine. You need to get some rest before labor hits you so you can be ready too. She said if I induce you now it is just going to put you on that time table your talking about and we don’t want to do that. If you haven’t had him in the morning and you want to talk about it then we can talk about inducing but I don’t think you should then either if he is fine. So same thing as with my first water was leaking but the doctor didn’t want to do anything and let my body to what it is supposed to do but my midwife with my first couldn’t get the iv in my arm fast enough and hook up the induction fast enough and then had them up it every 30 minutes to try and force it to start. That doctor dilvered 3 of my 4 kids I never looked for a midwife or another doctor after my experience with her through out my pregnancy, labor and delivery. I say I want this or that and she say that is fine or we can do it this way but not that way is that okay I said how I wanted my labor and delivery went as long as there was nothing medically that had to be done. Even during my pregnancy a lot of doctors say you have to get all these test and things I only got the ones that I wanted to get. I would ask her what it was for, what the risk to the baby were, I ask her ok so it shows this or that but how right is it? What are the chances of it being this or that for real or what are the chances of it being wrong and nothing is wrong? What are the chances of it saying everything is fine and turns out something is wrong? She would tell me and say but if it say something is then we have this or that test to look at things more. I say so what are the odds of it being right and wrong? If I didn’t feel they were good enough odds or that is really was a shot in the dark either way then I say no I don’t think I want that she said ok I didn’t think you would but we have to offer it. She is the only doctor that I can truly say if I was not able to ask a lot of questions and things and just needed to decide what way to go and what to do I feel I could trust her to give me the best advice and not tell me something she wouldn’t do if it was herself. I wish she was a regular doctor and I could see her for everything.

I didn’t get back to finish this earlier so here I am in the middle of the night as it is most times. Well I hadn’t looked in a while but the last time I had looked they said around 5 that she had until 7 to get to 6 cm from the 4 she was at. But no one ever answered. I looked a few hours ago and she still hadn’t had her and they said they had broke her water earlier this morning sometime. I am guessing that is why the doctor told her she needed to be progressed to a 6 or more by that time. If she hadn’t gotten to a 6 they were probably going to tell her she was “failing” to progress and needed to start talking about and planing  c section. But she had so she was still okay for the time being.

I hate the way they do women and especially the younger girls who go in to have babies who really don’t know anything and don’t think or know to ask or what to ask or think about. I think all new moms to be should take the duala training class. It is a weekend class two or three days so less than most child birth classes and they would learn 100 x’s more information than any childbirth class and it would probably lower our infant death rate at the time of birth and the c section rate and the induction rates. Yes people make a lot of money being a doula but I am all for it being a class insurance covers and all new moms to be getting the training for their own information. Because it is very good and very helpful information.

Well I was just told we have a baby born at 1145 pm, she was 6 lbs 9 oz. She was a few oz bigger than my oldest but looks a lot fatter than my oldest was. My oldest was long I bet she isn’t as long as my niece and her boyfriend are not that tall. Father of the year is 6’3 all three of my kids were over 19 inches close to 20 but my last. She was my Little Bitty but her daddy is only a few inches taller than me.  I am just glad she is here and everything didn’t lead to a c section. She says she is never having anymore kids.



{March 4, 2017}   Wasted Trip

I wrote this Thursday but it didn’t publish so here it is now.

I been waiting to get insurance straight to go to the doctor it’s been weeks and I am still coughing like crazy. I tried to go yesterday and they only had a time I couldn’t get there for and said they can not get me in until next Tuesday. It is for my yearly physical that I have not had since I was pregnant with Little Bitty almost 4 years ago. We are supposed to go over getting my tubes tied and things like that. You only get a little bit of time and they don’t want to do it if you are sick.

I ended up going to the ER this morning when I dropped the kids off at school to see what they said. I still feel that it is  something that it isn’t going to go away with medications because my sons hasn’t went away yet and he is on steroids and antibiotics both and still coughing like I am. But I am also tired of hearing you need to go blah, blah from everyone and how horrible I sound. I went and they took me back. I laid there and coughed and coughed forever. Then the nurse came in and said they had to test for the flue and was going to order a chest x ray.

I don’t know how many of you have been tested for the flue before but if you haven’t let me tell you it SUCKS and that is an understatement. They take this long cotton swab and stick in your nose, they don’t just stick it right in side your nose they poke it back into your nose. No joke not exaggerating at all they stick it back past the bone in your nose and they do both sides. Once they get that far back there it hurts BAD, it seems to be more sensitive farther back than in the front. Much more in the back than the front. I can’t even say what it feels like or what it would be comparable to. I don’t know if I have ever felt a pain like that before. If you ever had a nat fly up your nose it’s about 10 times worse than that feeling. I didn’t flinch or move while she was doing it as bad as I wanted to but as soon as she took it out of the other side without thinking my hands with the blanket went up to my face. I had a ton of drainage and stuff come out of there and I sneezed and sneezed then coughed. One I finally got to where the pain was gone and all that stuff got down out of there I walked around and hardly coughed at all and didn’t feel any congestion or anything all day. I was shocked how much better I felt. Bu I am sure it will be back by tomorrow probably. I feel some now already.

The doctor came in told me that it was a virus. He said my lungs sound very clear and fine, he said he thinks it is all in my sinuses and that I don’t really need any medication the body just needs to fight it. He said I can give you medication for it but it isn’t going to work because it isn’t for what you have, there is no medication really for what you have other than something to help with the cough. He said even the flue stuff that they give yo when you test as having the flue don’t work. He said you can take it but most the time it don’t work. We have tons of people come back because they paid $250 for this medication and it isn’t working. He told me to just take the cough stuff and something for fever if needed.

When we went to therapy she said her son tested for the flue she took him to the doctor. The doctor said here if his insurance pays for this you can get it but if it don’t pay for it don’t rush out and buy it, just let him be. If he takes it and it helps at all it will only cut down him being sick by a day maybe and that again is if it helps at all. Its the medication everyone is paying $250 for Tamiflu. Two doctors both saying that it don’t work and only helps cut it down by a day if it does. They both even said the flue shot is not working even at killing 75% of the strains that are out there.

The kids are just finishing their medications and one is still sick and the other is catching this cold stuff the rest of us have even though she is on antibiotics for the last week. That right there tells me taking the same thing isn’t going to help me get over it when she has for a week and getting it now.



{February 22, 2017}   Schools closed

I got a message last night that the older kids school would be closed today and tomorrow (Wednesday) for sure and maybe longer. They were closed Monday for the holiday but now the staff and a bunch of the students are sick so they are closing for the next two days as well. I had already planed to take three of the kids back to the doctor today because they aren’t better. I was going to take them yesterday but they couldn’t get them in so I got them to put them in for after school today. Then they didn’t go today.

We went and she said that the oldest has bronchitis, the next one down has croup and youngest has strep. We were just there a week or so ago and she said they were fine expect number 3 who had an ear infection. He is fine now he wasn’t seen but now the other three are sick still and not getting better. Number two is worse I think than when he went before. I still don’t know what I have because they have not changed my doctor yet so I can only go to the ER until I can get them to fix it. I don’t feel like sitting in the er again after being there the other week. I have medication they gave me then that I didn’t end up needing, I am going to take them and hope it helps get rid of whatever this is.

My friends boyfriend got out of the hospital today and she went home, she is going to come back in the morning and watch the kids so I can go to school. I got something quick for dinner tonight since none of us feel good sill. It was cooking and Little Bitty ask to take a shower so they set the water for her. Well she didn’t tell anyone it started stopping up again. She decides she is done and wants out and calls for us to get her. As I walk around the bed and into the bathroom there is all this water. I look and the shower is over flowing. It ran under boxes of pictures and paperwork I had there and under the bed. We had to get tows and clean it all up and then even mop over it and over it to get it all up. Then we had to go dump everything out of the boxes onto my bed so that it didn’t get wet because they were soaked. I am now sleeping on the couch because I am so tired and feel like crap, I don’t feel like cleaning my bed off and finding a place for all this mess that needs to be put a way now.

Now I am sitting here on the couch writing and watching the escape channel. I want to go to sleep but at the same time want to get some other things done first. I just feel like I can’t lay down and go to sleep yet.

I wanted to get stuff done this week but now with the kids out of school I can’t. I am going to try and get them to help me go through this house tomorrow and get a ton of stuff cleaned up and cleaned out again. It seems like such a mess since we have been sick and doing just what we have had to.



{November 2, 2016}   Breast Check

I called this morning and got an appointment to go see the doctor. They got me in with in an hour or two. I was early even and they got me back right away. Then the nurse asked if I was still on Lexa Pro? I told her no that I never took it when they gave it to me my ob/gyn said not to. I also told her I was having trouble with the pregnancy so I didn’t end up taking anything at all because of it. Once I had the baby I was better and hadn’t taken anything. But that I was seeing someone at the counseling center and she felt I should talk to them or the local mental health place to get something. I figured it be better to get it from them to keep from adding another place and doctor to go to she said yes that was a good idea. She took it out and said to talk to the doctor about it.

The doctor came in she was really nice and ask me all about what was going on I told her. She said they needed to do an exam. I was surprised she had me get undressed right there and gave me the little paper thing to put on. I figured they would have done that before she came in. She checked me why I was sitting up then had me lay down and felt them and everything. She said she felt cyst in them and there really wasn’t anything they could do for them. But that she wanted me to go for a mammogram to be safe because they couldn’t tell if there was cancer without it. She had ask if there was breast cancer or something else in the family. I told her no not breast but just about any an all other kinds very bad that most of my family had it in many places not just one. I told her that I was not able to get the lymph-node out and that I needed a new order for the thyroid so I could get that taken care of.

She had not problem ordering any of it for me. She gave me the paper work for the two test and said they sent my medication over to the store so I could go pick it up. The nurse said she had faxed them to the hospital next door I told her I lived farther away could I take them any where and she faxed them somewhere else closer to home for me. They don’t want to see me back for a month though. I guess if I get the test and something is wrong they will call me to come in sooner. I will get a copy of it after I get it done if it says something is wrong then I will call them too.

I ask her what caused the cyst and she ask if I drink coffee? I told her maybe one or twice a day at most some days none. She said caffeine can cause them. I don’t think it is from the coffee because like I said I don’t drink that much or that often. But I have been drinking coke all the time again like it’s water. I ha stopped drinking coke when me and RC were together I think before I even got pregnant and had not drink it since until the last 8 months or so. Now I drink it way to much.

More reason to  quit drinking coke again. I just really don’t like drinking water I don’t know why it is just not something I have ever really liked drinking. But I bought a case of water last night. I drank a little bit of coke this morning just a drink as I was going out the door to leave and I had a tea. But even the tea I don’t drink all that often. I am going to try stopping today and not drink anymore at all.

I forgot to go get my medication from the store before I picked the kids up I guess I will have to go get it in a little bit. I still haven’t told anyone I am talking to anyone or that I am taking anything. Well I told my two friends that I talk to and you all but I haven’t told any family or anything. I don’t plan to. My friend says that it will help me sleep at night so I am trying to decide if I should take it at night or in the day. I can’t remember I think I took it in the day time before I think. I guess I will look at it and see what it say or just try it and see if I feel like I should take it at night or in the day.



{October 22, 2016}   It Just Keeps Coming

In less than 24 hours I have had two out of my three closes friends told they have cancer. One has been having trouble for a month or more with her breast leaking blood and puss. She went to the doctor and has been waiting on them to get her mammogram set up. They called her Thursday and told her to be at the hospital the next day for 4 different test not just a mammogram. I guess they sent the results over to the doctor as soon as they were done. She called me today upset and freaking out.

The doctor told her that they found a large mass and that she has had something going on for a while and that it’s not good. That it has been a long time for her to have the leaking that she has. He told her that she is going to have to make some big decisions and make them fast she don’t have time to wait. They need to do a few more test and get started on treatment.

She told him that she wants them to take both breast and go from there. He was shocked that she had thought that much into it and knew what she wanted to do already. But me and her have been talking about it for a while and what if it was cancer (we knew most it was so prepare for worst) and what was best options to do. Even with it in one breast with already having it in one and her families history of cancer she figures it is best to go ahead and take both than waiting to see if it spreads or comes back and going through it all again. I don’t blame her I would do the same thing. She wants to wait the year or so and then have reconstructive surgery for her breast. I don’t know that I would go as far as to have them redone if I had to have them removed. I have been flat chested most my life until the last few years when I got fat and had kids. I don’t know if I would go through the pain and all that it takes to do that. But I can’t really say for sure if I would or wouldn’t.

Then my other friend who is so sick was back at the er yesterday they patched her up and sent her home like always. She has told them and told them she can’t get the doctors she needs and they just keep telling her there is nothing they can do. They told her yesterday she needs to see a GI doctor like always but now her esophiguse is bleeding and she is all inflamed down to her stomach. They told her that they are pretty sure it is cancer but nothing they will do for her she needs to figure out how to go to the doctor. If they would just do the test and tell on paper that the test shows it is cancer then she could get help but until she has something saying it has been shown from test they won’t give her help for anything that she needs help for. I have been trying to help her figure out how to get help. They sent her home with enough medication for the weekend and told her to get to someone right away. The medication they gave her to get through the weekend if $300. I don’t know how they think she can get that when she is telling them she don’t have the money and needs help. Even when they kept her for a week they did nothing for her but give her medication and fluids. Told her they were going to get some test she needed done taken care of to help her and did nothing. New doctors and things came on told her that they were not going to do nothing for her but get her feeling better and send her on her way. They couldn’t help it if she can’t get help to see a doctor. She has had health problems for a long time and bad ones for her age. If she had treatment maybe able to work and be doing better than what she is right now but since she has had no help she hasn’t been able to work and now worse than ever. They told her she probably has a year to live if she don’t get the help.

Cancer just sucks and it is hitting everyone I am close to and hard. I have all this stuff that they have told me for over a year now to get checked out and see what it is. I haven’t been to the first doctor for it. I was going to go when I had problems with my face swelling and hurting. I figured once they took care of that I would go from there and work on getting everything checked. I have gotten no where with that and no one wants to help or seems worried about it. It was a huge run around for nothing. I feel like why even try with the rest because it will probably turn out to be the same. And I am back to do I really even want to know? Would I rather just not know and live life. If I find out where do I go from there just forget it and live life, get treatment or what. Do I tell my family because I don’t really want them to know but then maybe the kids should know but why tell them and make them worry when there is no need to right now. If I tell the rest of my family they are going to be asses about it and push for what they want and they are the only ones that know and the doctors don’t know and you need to do this, do that, find a different doctor ask the them for this and that and not getting treatment isn’t an option with them. so it will be more stress and fight than anything else if they knew. Because I wouldn’t do what they wanted they be trying to force me into it talking about it all the time and I’m sure take the kids.

I need to figure out what I have to do next week and decide if I am going to go to the doctor or not since I missed going last week.



{February 5, 2016}   Still No Doctor

They told me two weeks ago I needed to get in and get this lymph nod and whatever is on it taken out. They said to get in to see a doctor right away and get a referral. They even said if I got a referral to this doctor she would see me and do the surgery right a way. Well I went that day even after not sleeping hardly and got the referral. Then I call the office to see when I could go in and they tell me no they can’t see me. I called and called around looking for a doctor to see me that went to one of the hospitals I wanted to go to and couldn’t find one. The only one I found would not see me in office only if they admit me and the insurance will not let them do that. I finally found one that will see me it took them a while to get a new referral because they can’t use the one I have they have to have one sent right from the doctor. Then they asked if I had xrays. I told her I had the CT and blood work in the hospital. She had to send to get them from the doctors office. They called told me the soonest they could get me in was the 18th. Great whats 2 to 4 more weeks of pain. Then they call me back yesterday and tell me the doctor looked at the test it’s self not just the report and feels that I need to go to an ENT not there so they are not going to see me. They said to call my doctor back and have them find me and ENT or find one and then call and have them send yet another referral and my test to them and wait for them to get in and decide what to do.

I was out with my grandma while she was getting test and things yesterday and did not get home in time to call around. I did get a few minutes to call one and they will  not see me either. I just tried to call the one that my oldest seen and they are not open today past 12. So now I have to wait until Monday and call. I hope they take it I am not crazy about him he don’t have the best bedside manner but he knows his stuff and is really good. He is just very straight forward blunt and do the point with things. I like that but at the same time with a doctor I don’t know there is just something about it.

This thing feels like it is swollen bigger to me. My mom says my neck looks swollen all the way around. but there is only the place on the right side still. I think the other is the thyroid is enlarged more, I think it was before and went down because I was swollen a lot the first time I went in and they didn’t listen to me. But they are more worried about the lymph nod right now because they said the thyroid wouldn’t make the lymph nod do this and they feel it is bothering the thyroid not the other way around. I have the paperwork I am supposed to go get the thyroid tested again in a month or two. But they thought I would have this out and be healed up by then. It looks like I will just be getting this taken care of.

I just wish the pain would go away. My mom telling me well the pain is going to come back if you don’t take the meds like they told you. I keep telling her the meds did not make the pain go away I walk around in pain everyday from it. Some days are worse than others and a lot of days by the time night rolls around I am in bad pain again. She even went so far as to say I was making it up and  not in as much pain as I claimed to be the other week. I think I haven’t been in as much pain as I was to start with because some of the swelling around it has went down. But now that it is starting to swell more it is starting to hurt more and worse. Even the therapist said yesterday when I took my son in that you can still see it but I look a lot better than I did the week before that I looked really ruff the week before. She laughed she said not saying anything but that you could really tell you were miserable and it was bad.

I still hate the idea of being cut open and having this thing cut out but. the pain trumps it all.



et cetera
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