Single___Parent___Life











{September 9, 2020}   Missing Work and Looking For Help

I went to work yesterday and worked most the day. I left about an hour and half early. I was starting to hurt. Later in the day and the way I sit because of my chair and desk are puts a lot of pressure on my right side. I have to think about it and sit straight up to keep it from doing that. You know how hard that is when you are working on something and trying to be comfortable too. You aren’t thinking don’t slouch sit up straight.

Yesterday at the store I was getting stuff for dinner. I was looking for stuff I could eat, stuff to use with what we have at the house and quicker easier to make since I have been sick and he don’t get home until after 7. This way I am not standing moving so much and he isn’t making a big meal so late if he has to do it.

I picked up stuffing and gravy to go with chicken we have. Taco stuff and spaghetti to use with ground meat we have. Walking along I seen a can of backed beans. I thought I haven’t had those in awhile they look good. So I bought them and hotdogs.

Well by time I was done shopping getting it home and put away it was time to get him. We got home I told him what I got he said why not make the beans and hotdogs? It’s quick and easy and I haven’t had that in awhile. I cut up some hotdogs dumped them and the beans in the pot and heated it up. Dinner was done. Great relax, shower watch some tv and go to bed. Nice simple night. Wrong, not long after we went to bed the pain hit me and would not go away. Instead of coming and going in waves it came to stay again. I woke up drenched in sweat again and hurting horribly.

I had taken aleave for my tooth when I laid down. I did not know if I could take it and the pain pill they gave me together. The aleave wasn’t helping. I tossed and turned. Turned around laid at the foot of the bed to have more room and lay different. Nothing helped. I finally went to the couch to sit. The dog was on it and didn’t want to move off the blanket. He wasn’t happy. He finally moved enough for me to get the blanket from behind him let me have that. I reclined the other side and tried to sleep. I couldn’t find a good way to sit or lay. I had no clue what time it was at this point. I forgot my phone in the bedroom i wasn’t going to get it. I finally drifted off a few times and slept a little. Before long I heard the trash truck. That is the last thing I remember. I guess I finally fell a sleep for a bit. Next thing I knew JW was waking me up wanting to know why I was on the couch and how long I had been there. I laid back down in bed for about an hour. I was still hurting when I got up.

I dropped him off and decided to go see if I can get someone to help me get this taken out. I went to the one place and they said they were just general doctors. They couldn’t do surgery and things. That they were really short doctors because they lost a bunch over covid. They can’t even take new people. I left and went to the health place I was going to in 2018. I decided to go to the one closer to work. This way I could leave work and be there in 10 minutes. The one i go to is on the other end of the county. I was almost to it and work because of where I had to go for the other place anyway. So I got there and just didn’t feel like it was where I should go. I have heard okay things and bad things for their adult care. I like their after hours for kids. That is all I knew. I decided to go to mine where I liked the doctor’s and things.

I make the drive to find they moved. They are now further north by about 5 miles. I get there it is in a horrible area. I pull in and looking for it. I see 4 or more cops in front of a place. I look sure enough they are in front of where I need to go have someone with their stuff strung everywhere. I wasn’t looking around me and it just didn’t seem like a good place. I decided to leave and go to the one between them and my house. Where I take the kids for dental work. It is newer, nicer area and building. They have everything in one office. They have doctor, dental, kids and mental health all right there. You check in go to the waiting area and they come to get you for whatever you are there for that day. I liked that too. The over all office staff is a lot nicer as well. I don’t know the doctors I hope I like them.

I think I can get in there early before work too. I am thinking about getting set up with the mental health side as well and seeing them to get back on my meds. If I can go there before work and not have to miss.

I messaged work told them I had a bad night was up sick I was going to be late. I am going to message tell them i have to meet these people for help I’m not coming. It is to late to go at this point and I did meet with these people so it isn’t lying. I can not afford to miss. I have missed a week between them telling us to take off, now being sick and the holiday. I was going to work half day for the holiday and this past Saturday until I got sick. That made me miss Friday, Saturday and the holiday. Now today. They say I can make it all up we will see I guess. I am going to talk to them about that tomorrow and Friday. Try to work saturday. I am going to try to work all day normal day Saturday. Because I have to take time off Monday.

I went to the place they gave me all the paperwork and everything. But the soonest I can see the doctor to get the ball rolling to get this out is Monday. So a while if or when something will really be done and who knows how long that will take. Then off to get it done and time for recovery. Hope they do it friday back to work by Tuesday.



{April 19, 2019}   Needs To Get On His Meds

I seen Mr. Responsible the other week he was telling me how he had gain all this weight and he didn’t know why and that he don’t eat that much and things. He told me before he had gain and didn’t know why.

I thought it was odd because he is always working and things to gain how he has as fast as he has. I don’t know why the other day I was thinking about him and thought about him talking about gaining. I thought he isn’t gaining weight, he is swelling or holding water I bet. When he hugs me he feels solid or tight not like fat. I am not sure what medications he is supposed to be on but I am guessing one is to keep fluids down. Or it is his liver he needs to get checked. But I am guessing it is one of his meds he is supposed to be taking.

I haven’t talk to him since we all hung out that night. But maybe once or twice messeaging. I tried to talk to him before that when I was over there about going and getting back on them he says he don’t have time and has to work, always working. He said if he would lose the weight he would be okay. I am thinking now he needs to get on them asap. I haven’t brought it up to him yet but feel like maybe I should toss the idea out there to him and see what he says. I might see what he is doing tonight go see him after work talk to him. Just bring up how is he doing trying to lose the weight or what go from there. I probably wouldn’t have to bring it up he probably will and go from there.



{February 15, 2019}   A Long Two Days

Yesterday I started the day off taking the little kids to the doctor and being an hour and half late for work. The little kids have had a cold for a little over a week now. I keep telling them it is just a cold or vires everyone at the lot has had it and it just has to run it’s course. They act fine other than a cough. Well Monday night we were going to bed and big boy said it hurt to breath and he really didn’t feel good. I decided I would get up and take them to the doctor then drop them at school and go to work.

We got to the doctor at 8:45 and didn’t leave until after 10. By then they were already having lunch at school, I would of had to take them get them lunch or take them home get them lunch then go and I would of been later to work. They would of gotten to school with not much time left. Not really been worth it. I took them dropped them off at home and went to work.

When I got to the doctor they hit me with a $90 bill that had to be paid. Father of the Year said he was going to pay it. I know I am stupid for thinking he was or did. I really didn’t think he was but thought maybe something that big he might and I have so much other stuff to deal with I forgot to follow up on it and he hasn’t had to go so. I paid that and missed work. Over $100 gone that was for other things that needed to be taken care of. It just never ends

They finally see the doctor and they have double ear infections. At no time has either of them said they can’t hear or their ears hurt or anything like that. Mom of the year over here. Well she said little bitty had double infection and that Little guy was on his way any day he was full of fluid and clogged up. So she was treated them both.

Then this morning I go get in the truck and I am waiting for Oldest to come out so we can go to the store before I go to work. She runs out to the truck and says I need to come inside something was wrong with the dog. I go in she got up from being a sleep all night stood up pooped in the floor and fell down. Had her foot in the poop and wasn’t moving. I sat down in front of her and talked to her and tried to get her to get up and things and she would. finally I got her up and into the truck but she was still walking around like she was drunk or something. She got in laid her head on the back of the seat and just sat there wouldn’t move or look at us nothing. I took her to this Vet place that is supposed to help when you don’t have the money to pay and let you make small payments until you get it paid off. They said they were operating they wouldn’t see her or help me.

I ended up taking her to our vet and they said they were getting ready to go into surgery but they would fit us in. We waited an hour or more it was like 9 when we got there. I had to tell them at work I was going to be late again. They just said no problem. I said I am going to be late when it rains it pours.

We finally got in to see the vet and she checked her all out and said she thinks she had a seizures. They said they could do blood work that would be $150 in addition to the office visit. They agreed that it would be okay to just watch her for a bit and see if she did it anymore and decide from there. They said the type of dog she is, are known to have them and them to just come on out of the blue. I am just watching her and seeing what happens from here because I don’t have $150 to spend to be told she is fine and we really think she is even the vet said she thinks she is okay. The blood work is just the first step in looking for anything that maybe wrong.

last night I get home and little bitty is in tears telling me her leg hurts. I look at it and move it around and see nothing wrong with it and she says she has not hurt it in anyway at home or school. I take her and lay down I can see she is tired and figure she is over sensitive because she is. We prop it up and she falls asleep in a little bit. About 1 in the morning she wakes up hysterical crying it hurts and can’t stand or walk on it. I look at it again and still see nothing at all wrong. Where she says it hurts is really weird as well, she says it hurts on the top of her leg mid way down her shin. Right on the top it is the bone there. When I say Little Bitty she is tiny so you can feel the bone very easily and if there was a broken I think you could see or feel something off. She is only like 32lbs at almost 6. I get her dressed and take her to get it looked at. I figure if she is still this way today or I wait until today I am going to take her to he doctor she is going to send us to the hospital for x rays because she can’t do them in office. I am going to have to wait there for hours and who knows how long at the hospital then for the test. Miss most today of work if not all day and be late if I didn’t miss. I have been late the last two days. I can’t do this. I decide to cut the middle man and all the running around. Take her to the ER hope they are not busy and let them xray it and see if something is wrong.

We got there and they were not busy at all hardly. They got us right back ordered the xray and sent us on our way. We were in a room 35 minutes I think is all and in the waiting room maybe 20 I think it was more like 10. We were back home again. they said nothing wrong broken, fractured or sprang, she should be fine with in a few day. If not then to take her to the bone doctor and let them check her out and see what they want to do from there.

I am at work now and I am so tired I could just put my head down on the desk and go to sleep. I am really fighting not to. The guys were already gone on the road when I got her this morning and Pop’s called and said he had the tv guy coming out this morning he was going to be there between 11 and 12 so he wasn’t sure how long it would take him or when he would be in. Its not a big deal it is slow we have not had anyone come in yet today and everything from yesterday is dome. There wouldn’t be anything for him to do if he did come in. I am about to take everything off my desk and clean it. There are stacks of papers all over. Some mine some theirs and some for the shop. There is a little bit of everything from everywhere and the dust or what from them working is thick. I didn’t realize how bad it was on my desk until right before I was going home yesterday. They have this thin rubber like film over the keyboard on the computer and I seen something on it, I went to get it off and noticed it was where something scratched it like. It was a mark in the dust stuff. I am going to take it off wash it and put it back and organize all these papers and everything else and find a home for it all. My desk is the collect all for everything from mail to paperwork and things the guys need to take care of. Since we have the one computer we all use everything collects around it.

That has been my week from Wednesday to this morning so far. I just want to hit the pause button on the world for a few hours so I can sleep and get caught back up. in the last 48 hours I have worked 20 and spent about 6 at the doctors and only about 8 sleeping. It is no wonder I am so tired. Little Bitty has been hell on wheels and I been in tears a couple times dealing with her. I need a vacation away from everything.

You know I am use to only getting a few hours sleep each night or what. But it is different when I am laying in bed and can’t sleep than when I am going, going, going and can’t relax at least. Lately I am going to bed with a couple hours left to sleep and crashing but it isn’t good sleep because I am not relaxing I am just crash up and go again until I crash again. where a lot of nights I will lay there for hours before I fall a sleep but I will do things on line or talk to a friend or with the kids or something. Not stressing.



{March 4, 2017}   Wasted Trip

I wrote this Thursday but it didn’t publish so here it is now.

I been waiting to get insurance straight to go to the doctor it’s been weeks and I am still coughing like crazy. I tried to go yesterday and they only had a time I couldn’t get there for and said they can not get me in until next Tuesday. It is for my yearly physical that I have not had since I was pregnant with Little Bitty almost 4 years ago. We are supposed to go over getting my tubes tied and things like that. You only get a little bit of time and they don’t want to do it if you are sick.

I ended up going to the ER this morning when I dropped the kids off at school to see what they said. I still feel that it is  something that it isn’t going to go away with medications because my sons hasn’t went away yet and he is on steroids and antibiotics both and still coughing like I am. But I am also tired of hearing you need to go blah, blah from everyone and how horrible I sound. I went and they took me back. I laid there and coughed and coughed forever. Then the nurse came in and said they had to test for the flue and was going to order a chest x ray.

I don’t know how many of you have been tested for the flue before but if you haven’t let me tell you it SUCKS and that is an understatement. They take this long cotton swab and stick in your nose, they don’t just stick it right in side your nose they poke it back into your nose. No joke not exaggerating at all they stick it back past the bone in your nose and they do both sides. Once they get that far back there it hurts BAD, it seems to be more sensitive farther back than in the front. Much more in the back than the front. I can’t even say what it feels like or what it would be comparable to. I don’t know if I have ever felt a pain like that before. If you ever had a nat fly up your nose it’s about 10 times worse than that feeling. I didn’t flinch or move while she was doing it as bad as I wanted to but as soon as she took it out of the other side without thinking my hands with the blanket went up to my face. I had a ton of drainage and stuff come out of there and I sneezed and sneezed then coughed. One I finally got to where the pain was gone and all that stuff got down out of there I walked around and hardly coughed at all and didn’t feel any congestion or anything all day. I was shocked how much better I felt. Bu I am sure it will be back by tomorrow probably. I feel some now already.

The doctor came in told me that it was a virus. He said my lungs sound very clear and fine, he said he thinks it is all in my sinuses and that I don’t really need any medication the body just needs to fight it. He said I can give you medication for it but it isn’t going to work because it isn’t for what you have, there is no medication really for what you have other than something to help with the cough. He said even the flue stuff that they give yo when you test as having the flue don’t work. He said you can take it but most the time it don’t work. We have tons of people come back because they paid $250 for this medication and it isn’t working. He told me to just take the cough stuff and something for fever if needed.

When we went to therapy she said her son tested for the flue she took him to the doctor. The doctor said here if his insurance pays for this you can get it but if it don’t pay for it don’t rush out and buy it, just let him be. If he takes it and it helps at all it will only cut down him being sick by a day maybe and that again is if it helps at all. Its the medication everyone is paying $250 for Tamiflu. Two doctors both saying that it don’t work and only helps cut it down by a day if it does. They both even said the flue shot is not working even at killing 75% of the strains that are out there.

The kids are just finishing their medications and one is still sick and the other is catching this cold stuff the rest of us have even though she is on antibiotics for the last week. That right there tells me taking the same thing isn’t going to help me get over it when she has for a week and getting it now.



{February 5, 2017}   A Mixed Bag of Thoughts

I finished all my work for my classes this week but one, it isn’t due until tomorrow and I am going to finish it when I get off here. I am not looking forward to the grade I am going to get from the one paper I turned in in my class I just finished up, it is the one class I took last semester but messed up in. I didn’t have it already done because it was one I skipped last time. But it is one of those where I really need the points even if it is just some vs none. I know I will not get a very high grade at all, like I said just hoping for some. It was kind of a hard one for me and it probably really isn’t. She wanted us to go to the nationalhumanservice website and tell her what we took from it and what we learned. She wanted to know about a few things from the site and wants it in a two page essay. I do not see anything there to make a two page essay out of it is really more of a you need to use their services to get much out of it. Needless to say my paper was about half a page and most of it telling her just that, I didn’t get much from it other than it looks like a good site but without really using the serves and things it was hard to learn anything or take much away. I am not good at these kinds of things, my friend says BS my way through them but I find BSing my way through much of anything hard to do because I am more of straight forward tell it like I see and feel it is person so just making shit up to get it done don’t come easy for me.

I went ahead and turned in my responses for the two discussion boards we have due next Sunday and turned in my journal entry for next week as well. So everything for that class is done other than responding to one other person on each board. I can’t do that until someone else post because I was the first to post on both. Most times I am last or close to last. But since I already have the work done and she hasn’t changed anything I just pull it and turn it in. I didn’t not pass because I didn’t know it or got bad grades on what I turned in so that isn’t the problem. I didn’t pass because I didn’t do enough. When things got really bad after the storm and I was sleeping 99% of the time I missed turning in a few things that had a big impact on my grades. I thought I had a make up week coming and I missed it so I didn’t get other stuff turn in that I was going to either.

My little one is not feeling good she keeps telling me there are bee’s in her ears. I have been giving her ear drops for the last few days but they are not helping. I told her I would take her to the doctor tomorrow but I have to go to class in the morning. I know I will not get out of there in time to get there and I will not be able to take her to daycare after either. I am praying she is ok to go to daycare and then I can pick her up after class and take her. I can pick her up early. I gave her something to help her sleep she is finally going to sleep.

I got three movies out of the Redbox today while at the store so that I could get my school work done while they watched them. I feel bad because they then kept coming in wanting me to watch them with them and things and I couldn’t. I tried to explain to them that I took them out shopping and to dinner Thursday after school and most the night then took them out again after school Friday as well. Then ended up sick and in the hospital yesterday and last night so I had not worked on my school work at all those days but spent two of those days with them having fun and getting them things they needed and helping them find out about guinea pigs and things. They don’t understand they just want to spend time with mommy. My little one is in my bed now because she came to tell me that the medicines that my oldest just gave her are not working. I guess now they are working because she is passed out on my pillow covered all up in my blanket. What a difference 10 minutes makes. Poor kid I think she is going to be like I am with medications. They are going to really affect her when she takes them.

I feel bad because I have to go to class tomorrow and trying to think of anyone I can to sit with her why I go so I don’t have to drop her off at school but I have no one. The only one that would probably do it is my friend R if she is feeling ok but I didn’t get to call her to see and it is to late now. I didn’t know she was going to be feeling so bad that I would consider keeping her home. I really don’t want to miss anymore school right now because we are getting into stuff that I need to be there for. Wish she would sit still long enough I would just take her with me and let her color. There are only 9 people in the class I don’t think anyone would care or say anything. Even the teacher probably wouldn’t care really he just easy and laid back. He probably turn it into some kind of lesson to teach about. I guess I will have to see how she is in the morning I may just end up staying home with her. I really didn’t want to miss another day so soon. If I had thought she was really going to have to go I would have taken her earlier so that we wouldn’t miss tomorrow. My poor baby I hate when she is sick and feels so bad.



{August 3, 2016}   Not The Energizer Bunny

Since my mom’s truck broke down I have had to take them anywhere they go. Father of the year had been doing a lot of if until he started working. Now it is also all left on me to do. There is no one else to do it, if I don’t they will not get to doctors, the store or anywhere else. Add in the doctors for my kids, then schools, shopping, therapy, my schooling and exams to it all and I feel like I never get to stop, get to sleep, have 5 minutes to myself, or do anything but drive, ride and wait. I can’t sleep at night a few hours here and there, I walk around so tired I can hardly hold my eyes open most of the day anymore. If I do get to go to sleep or fall a sleep I dream all kinds of crazy stuff and wake up off and on every hour or so.

I went to day to take my grandma to the doctor then they tell me they need to go to the store. She had to be at the doctor at 12:45 I had to go to an appointment at 2, missed one at 11:20 to be there to take her on time and was going to go after my 2 o clock to the one I missed. I dropped them off went and paid the rent then went to my 2 o clock because they were not ready yet. They were ready before I even got called back to talk to the lady, they had to sit and wait. I was trying to get my letter for childcare for my little one. They couldn’t give it to me because I have to use it with in ten days and they will not let her start for 13 or more days. They called the school but said they had to call back they were going to see what they could do. I have to go there again Thursday now after the boys therapy.

I pick the up they need to go to the store so I run them there and that turned in to a hours trip. I really don’t know how long we were in there but I know it was well over an hour. I didn’t get out in time to take her to the doctor. Now I have to do that tomorrow or Thursday. Tomorrow I have to take the boys to therapy. I guess I could go before I go there but I am so tired I really didn’t want to leave the house and do anything until I had to go there.

Then she tells me that my grandma has to go back to this doctor the 30 of this month and that she is supposed to be in court the 16 of this month three counties away for her divorce. They have a doctors appointment this Friday and she has to go to the college to take a test Friday as well.

Last week I was down there three different days I think taking them to the doctor and the store all three times had to go to both. I still need to go the school and talk to them about my Big Boy because I didn’t have time to talk to them when I dropped the paperwork off because I had to rush to get them to the doctor then too. I need to do two exams between now and Thursday evening and a lesson or two. My big boy has therapy on Thursday and now I have to go to that other meeting on Thursday after it.

I told her I didn’t know if I could take her the 30, that I had to be at the school two days a week for class I didn’t know if that was one of them. Something else she was talking about I told her I had to pick the kids up by 1 from school because they would have started and get out early. The 16 is the little kids first day of school and the big kids get out early. I think that is the first day of my on campus class. I don’t know what they are going to do but I can’t keep doing this for everyone all the time.

She says Father of the Year is supposed to fix her truck he don’t want to after telling her he would, but she don’t have money for the parts either. She just needs a new truck this one has had so much done to it and still don’t run. Then she say they can’t go do anything and they sit there unless they go to the doctor or the store and things. I don’t know what she thinks I should do about it. I run them enough and don’t even get a few minutes to myself. She isn’t one anyone wants to be around for long or spend  a bunch of time with. As if I don’t run enough she wants me to now come and take them to church they never go couldn’t tell you the last time my mom went in many years or of my grandma ever going. She wants me to get them and take them to the one where we were going then she wants me to come down there and go one they want to go to. Now she is so fucking nosy and can’t stay out of shit she wants to go over here to the one where my bigger kids are going to be going to school. The school and church really have nothing to do with each other, it isn’t even a religion that she knows anything about or ever wanted to go to one of their churches before. We were supposed to go this week and I over slept.

I don’t want to go there I want to go to the one I was going to a while back. I haven’t been going because I been so busy and because of them. If she knows we went she has something to say about it and how I know she wanted to go. Even when she had her truck and could go somewhere right around her. She can’t drive far. I figure next if I go back or keep going that she will be having father of the year drive her up there and them all come. If or when they all do that is when I am going to be very pissed and it is going to turn into a big fight. I should not have to have him everywhere I go and a part of everything I do all the time. If that is the case then I should have never got a divorce from him. She was telling him he needed to go this last weekend when we were all going. If he is going and they are going then he can take them and I don’t have to go.

The more I have to do for her and the more I have to deal with her and interact with her, I stay stressed, I stay in a bad mood, I can’t stand the thought of going and dealing with her, the less I want to do at all when I have to deal with her. Just knowing I have to deal with her stresses me out so bad I don’t feel like doing anything else. Going and helping her takes so long and i know i can’t get my stuff done. I know it is horrible to say but I hate being around her.

She acts like your just there to be at her beckon call whenever she is ready no warring or nothing. No regard if you have stuff to do or places you have to be. If you go to take them to the doctor then expect that you are stuck there the next three hours or more. I can not keep doing it. The more I do it the more I hate life. And I end up rushing to get my school work done or getting mixed up with days and times trying to get everything done for everyone else. If I would have a few minutes of free time it is wasted there taking them to something that should take and hour and spending five because of the way she is. I am going to tell her I can take you once a month to doctors so make them all for the same days. The store father of the year is going to be over there so he is going to have to deal with that and figure it out when he is off work in the evening or Sunday. My sister is about to get a car and she is going to have to start helping. She is right there in the same apartment complex with her and she has no where to go or anything to do they sit there all the time and do nothing. She is going to have to step up and start taking them where they need to go. God knows my mom took care of her and her old man and kid for years why neither of them did anything. She has already said she don’t want to drive her around and things because of the way she is but I don’t care I am going to stop answering my phone or be busy when she calls and tell her she needs to call her and have her take her.

I feel like the Energizer Bunny that just keeps going and going only without his energy. I don’t know how I keep going honestly. But I do know I am not going to keep on.



{June 17, 2016}   Funny For The Day

I had to take my little bitty and my little man to the doctor today. My little guy is sick and my little bitty had blood work to check her thyroid about a month ago and I had not heard back about it.

We get there and they tell us that our doctor is out of the country for two weeks we would see the others. No problem it’s her husband we have not been seen by him but have seen him in the office and everyone talks as highly of him as her.

Both kids jump up on the table and are waiting, he comes in ask what we are there to be seen for. I tell him that little guy is sick and we just needed results for little bitty. He says so she isn’t sick or anything? He goes over and checks little guy all out the ears nose throat says he has an infection and stuff in his lungs that he is going to put him on meds and ask if we have a breathing machine at home to use. He then says he is going to go see if he can find her blood work and the nurse is going to come run some more test on little guy. No sooner than he closes the door my little bitty starts.

He didn’t give me a check up just little guy, why dose he get a check up and I don’t? He isn’t even sick he just ate to much today and choked on his food, that’s why he is coughing so much. If he hadn’t eaten to much he wouldn’t have choked on his food. He isn’t sick but he gets a check up.

I laughed so hard because she really gets into it when she feels she didn’t get what she was supposed to or brother got something she didn’t. When she gets excited about something she starts making these faces and moving her hands around while she talks.

I guess she thinks the only reason you cough is because you are choking. He was being seen for coughing and not feeling good.



{March 9, 2016}   Waste of Time

I went to the doctor Monday and it was a waste of time, as soon as he seen that I had teeth that needed to be pulled he brushed it all off as an infection. I told him that wasn’t it at all, that I had no infection the hospital did bloodwork that didn’t show infection that is why they did the ct. There was no infection they wanted to find out what was in there once and for all. He acted like I was lying abut how bad it was swollen up and everything. The nurse finally got the report and he read it. Then he says oh you had a 3 cm mass in there. I said yes I know it has went down but it is still there and I have this place along my jaw that has come up. He says he don’t think that the right side is that much different than the left and don’t see anything to be worried about. Even though it has been this way since December and the doctors all say it needs to come out if it stays that way more than 2 weeks. Never mind the size it got compared to most peoples. I kept asking him then why this or that he finally just said well we can do the CT over and see what it looks like compared to the last one and go from there. So I still have this place under my neck and on my jaw and I am losing my coverage to get anything done in a few weeks. I waited to see him because I thought he was a good doctor but I am not feeling that way now. Anyone who knows anything knows that if had an infection that bad in my body for over a month my blood work would show infection. Plus if it was that bad I think I would have been physically sick in other ways not just swollen and in pain. I also told him that they looked at my teeth and pushed around on them and that there was no pain or sign of infection. He said well your just not feeling it because they are dead teeth. I know that is not true either because they will hurt once in a while if I get something hot or cold on them or stuck in them. If it was dead and the nerve was dead like he is saying I wouldn’t feel any of it they would be turning not white.

I guess I will go get the CT scan just to see what it says and then go back to my doctor and see what he thinks. I have to go back to my doctor anyway to get something done for the thyroid and see what they think about it. But doctors like this one I seen Monday is a big reason I don’t waste my time going they say everything is fine and do nothing. Or blow it off and wait and see what happens instead of doing something about things. You take time out of your day and sit in there office and wait forever on them why they do whatever like you have all the time in the world to wait for them. I don’t have all day to wait on them for them to do nothing for me and have to start over or just forget it.



{March 6, 2016}   Doctors and Work

Not much going on here right now, I finally get to go to  the doctor tomorrow to see what they say about this thing in my neck and face. I don’t know if I posted or not but I now also have a place right along the jaw bone on the bottom on the right side where the lymph nod is swelled up. It isn’t on the bone because I can move it and feel the bone is normal it is just like tissue or something in the skin I guess. Not sure really. It’s all just a mess, I have walked around with half my face swollen since December. It’s as lovely as it sounds. It is’t that bad everyone says but I notice it when I look at myself and I am sure others do to.

I am looking for a job still since the last one lied to us. I emailed them and ask them when we should expect phone calls. The lady said we all had to reapply. I ask why that they said all this stuff in the meeting. She said that once we had not worked for a week or two we were terminated out of the system. I told her that we were still owed our bounces so we should not be terminated out as of yet. She never replied. I also told her I already had applied for the position but still never heard back from anyone. I think they are not calling me back because I said something about not being paid what I was supposed to have been and made them fix it. I think they got mad about it. Oh well we go there and work because of the pay, hours, and things like that. If it is not what they told us then they need to fix it. If we get the job and do not show up for work or do not do the job or half do the job they are not going to keep us.

I am looking for something to do from home. I really want to open a business and right now have a lot of time to put into it but not a lot of money. I would like to open a resale shop but all the spaces around are renting for more than I can afford right now. I am trying to figure out if there is a way I can do it from home or rent a storage area and do it on the weekends or something. But to do it either of those ways I would need more money upfront because I would need to buy everything upfront and then sale it. Where if I had a shop to open I could take things in and pay the people as things sold. I am trying to figure out if there is a way to get a loan or something to help get started. I think all I need it a license and tax id number once I have a space. I have stuff I could put in there to sell to get started and could get more as I went and people knew about it. I am good with money and selling I think I could make it if I could just get started.

If I can’t do that I would like to find some kind of data entry to do online from home. I don’t want to do phone work with the kids. I would have to do it in the middle of the night why they were sleeping then get up with them in the mornings. With data entry I can do it anytime I have free even if they are awake. Like now while I type this my 5 year old is sitting here watching Scooby Doo and playing. If I was on the phone I would have to be locked away in another room somewhere and still hope that no one came in and said anything or the dogs didn’t start barking why I was on the line. I couldn’t answer random questions that he came over and ask or listen to the things he is wants to tell me about. I be a lot more stressed to.

I know there are ways to do these things and I can find the answers to most everything. But this kind of stuff I just feel so lost and no idea where to start. There so much involved in it all. I feel stuck not sure what or how to do or where to ask.



{August 8, 2015}   Can’t Find A Doctor

I called around today to find the doctors they told me I should follow up with when I was in the hospital Monday. None take my insurance, I called to go to my family doctor but it has been forever since I went to her. Mainly because it takes forever to get in to see her even if you get there before your time. I don’t have 3 or 4 hours to sit and wait to see a doctor with 3 kids in tow. I called the office closes to me and they just gave me a run around. They said I had to come in sign a release for them to get my medical records from the doctor I seen over 2 years ago when I was pregnant. That is the only thing I went there for and she treated me for nothing else. I never even went back for follow up after I had the baby. But they wouldn’t see me until then.

I hung up and called their other office they said I was not in the computer as being seen there but their records do not go back more than two years. It has been at least 4 or 5 since I went last time. I hadn’t needed to go really. She said I would be considered  new since I hadn’t been there but they would take me. But then she told me that she couldn’t get me in until like the middle of next month. I told her what was going on that I was worried and ask if maybe her husband had a opening. She told me they had a group of new doctors in with them and there were about three other ladies there now not just the two of them. I ask her if she could get me in with one of the ladies. I don’t care of her husband but figured he could at least order the test.

She couldn’t get me in before the 27, but I am going to call next week see if they had anyone cancelle and if I can get moved up. But if not then I will go when they gave me. She said that I can have them write the orders for the test and then get the test done the first of the next month to get things straight with my insurance for the month then go back to see what they say about them and see if or what we need to do from there. I just hope this is a good doctor and will order the test and things for me. I wanted to see my doctor because she use to practice ob/gyn, deliver babies and everything. I figured she would at least know what to do about the uterus and the right test and if it was something to worry about or not. I figure at this point I will see this doctor get her to order test and if she isn’t sure I am sure she will probably check with her or ask her to check with her. Then when I have to go back ask to see her then.

I also ask her if they would help me find a doctor to go to for the other or at least get the test ordered and done for me and then help me find someone if need be. She said to talk to them they would take care of it make sure I got what was needed. I hope so. I have been seeing her off and on since I was little and she is really busy but she knows her stuff. I just feel better having someone that works with that kind of thing all the time and knows a little more about it as it is what they do all the time. Than her who studied it some probably but not her main thing. I guess we shall see what happens. I just hope it is all nothing to worry about but worried it is with family history.

I’ve been trying to take it easy not lifting or bending a lot as it really hurts if I pick to much up or bend over and mash things in there. My little one keeps wanting to climb on me and lay on me. I have to keep telling her she has to be careful and can’t lay on my belly it hurts. She don’t understand she just wants to be close to mommy.



et cetera
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