Just once I like something good to happen. I like to get a decent job paying decent with decent hours. All these fuck ups and screw ups walk in and get them left and right and still don’t take care of the things they should. I am doing everything I can to take care of the the things I should and all I get is shit on. Why can’t something good just happen this one time?
I just need to get all my bills caught up and the furniture in the house replaced. Don’t ask another huge mess that my mother caused and I am left to fix.
I am not asking anyone to do it for me pay it for me nothing just a job that will allow me to make enough to do it myself and I can’t even get that. What fucking point is there in trying anymore just to get nowhere and struggle from now on. Again he is paying i should be able to get ahead but now because now i am getting next to no hours at work. So everything is due and going off any day now. By the first everything will probably be off because i can’t pay it. I wasn’t making enough to catch up just enough to keep everything on. Unexpected expinces and hours being cut I can’t even do that. If hours hadn’t been cut and this other didn’t happen i could be almost caught up.
At this point I am ready to call dcf and tell them I can’t do it no more. I truely have thought about it the last few days. I am sitting in my truck fighting not to cry and wishing i could just get away from it all. I could wave a wond and everything would go away. I wouldn’t have to worry about any of it no more i wouldn’t have 4 other people to worry about a house or none of it. I could just work on me and getting a job and a place to start over and then bring the kids back into it. All I can do at this point is let it all go off let everything happen and i don’t even care anymore. I don’t want to be here no more. I don’t care who it hurts, i don’t care who it leaves having to do what or go where or what anyone is going to think or what is going to happen with the kids or anything. I just want it all to stop i just can not deal with it anymore. Before i cared before i was done needed a break but i still found some drive to fight and care and feel some. This point i don’t care, i don’t feel, i have no fight i have no want to fight no desire to fight no desire to feel or care anymore.