I have had this dream house in mind for years, I feel it would work great for me and the kids. Everyone laughs and thinks it would be huge. I think it would be around the size of most average size houses around now days. Back few years ago it may have been a little big compared to most houses but now houses are no less than 3/4 bedrooms two bathrooms then all the other extra rooms. I want simple what we need to the point that is it really, but i want it to be usable space. Not so small you can’t do anything in them.

I want three floors The first will be a big open living space, kitchen, dinning, living area that opens to a nice big porch. I will have a library and guest bedroom and a bathroom down there as well.

The second floor will be the kids floor, it will have 4 bedrooms and two bathrooms. The bathrooms will be in between each set of bedrooms. I want the laundry room up there as well just makes it easier than dragging everything up and down the stairs and through the house.  Either end will have a room one for the older kids one for the younger kids or just rooms for them to hangout with their friends.

The 3rd floor will be mine, I will have my room and bathroom up there.

I want each floor to have a wrap around porch so that you can come out of any of the bedrooms and walk out onto the porch.

Ideally it will be secluded with trees and paths and all that kind of thing around. I don’t want to be right on top of everyone around me. We will have a barn and animals as well.

I don’t know if I will ever get my dream house or if it will change once I get to that point since my kids are all getting older now and I will only have two in the house another 2 or 3 years. Who knows they may stay longer and I will need room for all the grand kids they are talking about having right?


{August 26, 2019}   The Daily Four

Over on a Guy Called Bloke’s blog he has started a post he calls the Question Fun Directory or the Daily Four. I have decided to answer today’s questions. So here goes.

What was the worst thing you did as a child?

Growing up, what was your ideal dream job and did you bring that to a reality at all?

What were the things you both liked and hated about your schooling?

Where there is a will, there is a way! Do you agree?


What was the worst thing you did as a child?

It was my birthday I think maybe 6 or 7th. I don’t know I was young so I am surprised I remember it. But my mom and dad was there and they threw a party for me. We were at our house and there was a bunch of kids there. There were two boys around my age and a little older. They were my moms good friends kids and she use to babysit them for her. They had spent the night or weekend with us why their mom was working or away. So they had some things there other than just being there for the party.

Well one had his skateboard with him and we were out in the street in front of the house playing with it. I was laying on it pushing around with my hands and things. He decided he wanted it back. I wasn’t done playing and he kind of dumped me off in the street.

We end up standing in the middle of the street with the skateboard upside down. He had one set of wheels and I was holding it by the other set. We were pulling it back and forth fighting over who got it and trying to get it away from each other. I got it away from him and held it up and hit him on the head with it.

I think I still remember this to this day at 38 years old because it was a birthday party for me, I don’t remember having to many parties with friends. My birthday is the day after Christmas. I also do not remember my mom and dad being together and doing anything or my dad living with us ever even though they didn’t get divorced until a few years later. And my dad spanked me for hitting hi in the head and sent me to my room. It was my birthday party so everyone was having fun I was in my room with a spanking. It is the only time I ever remember my dad spanking me and that was probably worse to me than the spanking it’s self, or missing part of the party or anything else. Because My dad just never spanked me or got onto me for things. I was close to my dad and I wasn’t a kid who got in trouble often and he just talk to me or say something about what I did and we would go on.

Growing up, what was your ideal dream job and did you bring that to a reality at all?

I have wanted to be a counselor and work with teens or teen parents, addiction things like that. While I haven’t yet I have started schooling for it and hope to get started back next year and finish.

What were the things you both liked and hated about your schooling?

I didn’t like school very much at all. I felt that we shouldn’t have to take math, science, history and all that in high school. I felt we should be taking classes geared toward the careers that we wanted to go into. I still feel that by jr high/ high school we should be teaching our kids or have them in classes working on the path they are wanting to go into. I think at this point the other classes are a waste. I feel the same with with college we shouldn’t have to take math, science and all that then either to get a degree. But anyway that is why I hated school.

The only thing I really liked about school was it got me away from my house and a chance to see my friends. I wasn’t aloud to do a lot when I was younger and didn’t like having people over to my house because I didn’t want them around my mom and things the way she was.

Where there is a will, there is a way! Do you agree?

I 100% agree with this so many people make excuses because they don’t want to put in the work to get to where they want to be or have what they want. If it isn’t quick and easy they give up.

{November 25, 2016}   Two Missed Pills

As I said in my last post me and my oldest were staying up to watch the new Gilmore Girls at midnight and then found out it was 3 am our time. We made it to 3 and through the first show. I maid it less than half way through the second show. I woke up turned it off and we went to bed.

It was already 5 something in the morning when I went to bed so needless to say I didn’t take my pill. What a horrible night it was, well if you can call it a night. I think I slept 4 hours and woke up a couple times. When I wasn’t awake I was dreaming until I would wake myself up. It was nightmares really, I kept dreaming about these red, yellow and black snakes all over my house and trying to get me. Then someone told me they were poisons, I already thought they were. It really didn’t matter because as I have said many times snakes are the one thing I am not going to have any part of. I would rather fight a person than deal with a snake. I take my chances with anything but a snake.

I also dreamed about a few other things but do not remember them like I remember the snake dreams. The snake dream was always the same one and in my head while I am dreaming I am saying to myself I just dreamed this the other night. Trying to figure out why I am dreaming it. Then I was even trying to figure out if I was awake or dreaming.

I know when I am really stressed I would dream about snakes and things like that, but I think that this is because of not taking my medication. It seems that both nights I had all these crazy dreams is when I miss my medication. I think that it is working but I don’t know if it is completely helping or not though. I feel better over all I still don’t feel like I have any motivation. I don’t know maybe it’s just me, I don’t know. Even though I feel better I still just don’t feel like I really care about the things I should. I want to do things, I do things and have fun but other than that I just don’t care about the things I should. I don’t know how to explain it, I keep telling myself not to stress over or that it isn’t that I don’t care it’s that everything will work out. I guess I should talk to counselor Tuesday and see what she has to say.

{February 11, 2016}   Have You Ever Had A Dream

That you woke from a sound sleep to wide awake and can’t go back to sleep. A dream so bad you wake up in physical pain and feel like your going to be sick?

Thats the kind of dream I just had. My heart hurts, i feel like I’m going to be sick and I feel like the wores person in the world because of what happen and I don’t even know what happen. Its just asuming from what I seen in a few second dream. All that keeps racing through my head is why I didn’t do this or that and what happend and this forever scared and broken person sitting in front of me and the things that most likely happen to them. The look on their face and refusal to speak of the horre they just endured.

The hunting thoughts I had as I open my eyes and for a minute second felt releafe that it was only a dream. The thought of the dream I had off and on for a year or more about my dad and step dad. For a little while I kept dreaming that my step dad died and I had to tell my sister. At the end of my dream it wasn’t really him it was my dad. I kept dreaming that something was going to happen to him. Then the thought of other dreams  and how things in them happend.

I lay here try my hardest to not think about it and to tell myself it was just a drram that was probably only seconds long and that everyone is fine. But it don’t work. I feel like I’m being lifted off the bed and taken away from it but I only get so far and brought back down. Because there is no getting away from it.

Instently thoughts of not doing this or allowing that any more flood my mind while at the same time telling myself I can’t let fear of what if take over and rule our lives. It was just a dream. I just wish I could shake the feeling that something bad is to come. I wish my heart didn’t hurt and I didn’t feel like I’m going to be sick. I’ve never felt such a way after waking up from a dream.

How do you just forget it and go on when you feel like your hearts been ripped out and sat in front of you? Its broken and mangealed and hurting. You just want to put your arms around it hold it tight and tell it everythings ok, everythings going to be ok and your going to protect it. All while knowing everything isn’t ok, everything isn’t going to be ok and you failed misreably at protecting it from this how can you say your going to protect it now? How do you touch it when you don’t even know if it’s ok to touch it, it may not want to be touched, touching it may be to much for it right now with all it just went through, it don’t want to talk. It don’t have to you can see it all over its face, the hurt, the broken, the shame, the guilt, the fear, the unsertinety of what happen. You can see it already trying to stuff it all down and forget it, stuff it all down and not have to ever talk about it or think about it. The thought of just wanting to forget it and if it couldjust be forgotten and not talked about it would go away and it never happen. Your own feelings of just wanting to cry but be strong for them, wanting to rage and be angry but just feeling numb and like the world has just stopped and come crashing down on you. You know what you have to do and need to do but your frozzen there in that second unable to do anything with all your thoughts and feelings running through your mind and over you.

I lay her now in disbelife that such a fragment of a dream could be so real and leave you feeling such a way with so many thoughts.

{February 3, 2014}   My Nightmare

Ok so I will give you all a laugh on me and tell you the nightmare I had last night. I dreamed we went to court and sat there until everyone else was done and gone even though we were supposed to be first. They had this big wedding right there in the court room. It was all I could do to keep from jumping up and yelling don’t do it in the middle of it. But I didn’t I behaved myself. They did some other stuff I can’t even remember it all but it was like a 3 ring circus in there. Then the judge comes over to where we were sitting at this table and says he can’t do anymore divorces for the day because he has to put these three little postal looking stamps on it and his little wet pad to wet them on had dried up and stopped working. I freaked out I was telling him just lick them give them to me I would lick them and stick them he wouldn’t have to. I was telling him to take the pad and wet it in the sink what ever he had to do just do it and make it happen. He kept saying we would just come back I told him I had come back I been waiting forever to get this done. I went off and was arguing with him telling him off and everything else.

Funny how the mind works even when we are sleeping and the things we will dream.

et cetera
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