{October 28, 2018}   Re: Powerball Dreams

So I guess my idea that no one won  powerball last time was because it was meant for me was wrong. I bought two tickets for last nights drawing and again didn’t win anything! Not a $1. I do not think I was cut out for these lotto games.

But hey at least 2 people’s lives just got a little easier. They are going to split the big jackpot. And a few others won some nice prizes as well. I did my part to add to the pot they are all splitting buying my tickets the last few weeks. I am fine with that, it is nice to dream once in a while as long as you don’t let it get out of hand. It isn’t a $500 habit a day or something. We all need something to bring excitment to our lives once in a while right.

{October 23, 2016}   Nightmare

I went to bed about 2 this morning because I couldn’t hold my eyes open to get my school work done. I passed out as soon as my head hit the pillow and didn’t wake up until about 9 this morning. I dreamed all night it was so real.

In my dream hell had frozen over, I know it did because I had remarried Father of the Year!!! Even in my dream I was like what the hell is this what the hell am I doing. Next thing I know it’s the next day and I am dropping Father of the Year off at work and he gets arrested for smuggling or something like that. I was livid and went off, I was telling him I didn’t know how he got me to marry him again what a screw up he was that he was on his own I wasn’t going to get him out he could just sit there until they did whatever with him.

I went to my old office where I use to work to tell them if he called not to go get him and that I wasn’t going to be responsible for helping him get out. Before I knew it I was answering phones and working. At one point I had some of the kids there with me. I ended up working a full day all the while I was just trying to get out of there and go home I just stopped in to talk to them a minute. I finally got home and I got a call to come back down there for something. I got there they said something I said so you want me to work again and they said yes. But they wanted me to work full time 8 to 5 like before. I told them I was taking classes and had the kids in school that I had things to go to and on with them, test to take a the school and work to get done. Working full time would be hard. They agreed that I could take off anytime I needed to and I could bring my school work with me and work on it when we weren’t busy. I told them I would try it but I didn’t know if I could do it all the time like before if not then I would have to change things up get off earlier and thing. That I needed to b paid more weekly than what I was makings. They were running two companies now I would be helping with both so it should be more anyway.

I remember calling and talking to a few people and telling them how up set I was how I had screwed up and I just wanted away fro him that I didn’t want to do this again to start with I didn’t know what happen and things. Then I woke up.



{July 10, 2016}   Mega Million Dreams

I am sure a lot of you have heard of the Mega Million game and some probably even play. Since the jackpot was up to $540 Million with a cash out of $380 Million last night I decided I would take some of the change out of my change jar and play. I played five tickets. When I came home and the kids seen them they they wanted to know how much we could win and started talking about all we could do.

My oldest said that we would find the smallest town in the country and move there. She said she wanted a room with a hidden door that lead into a little hide a way to read. She also wanted property wit stables and horses. She wanted her own bathroom but I told her no it wasn’t happening.

My Big Boy wanted his own room with a place for his turtle and elevator to get it up and down without taking it up and down the stairs. He also wanted a Science lab. I told him we would have an elevator, it just seems logical to put one in while it is being built you never know what may come. I told him his room would be big enough to have a small lab. He also wants a place outside for his tortoise and other animals.

My Little Guy didn’t say he wanted much of anything he wants his guinea pigs.

My Little Bitty she too little to understand what is going on.

I told them if we won we would be going to collect our winnings, stopping to buy some trucks, coming home getting some things and going on a road trip. We travel around and check out a some different states to decide where we wanted to live. My oldest said why do we need to pack clothes we can buy all new. I said true we could use some new anyway.

Then we were talking about the house we would have built. My Big Boy wanted a mega mansion like we been seeing on the show. I told him no we did not need a huge house like that it would waste our money. We just need a decent house to suit our needs. So we sat down and drew up plans for our house. It turned out to be more square footage than I expected.

So my dream house is: Three stories

First floor: Would be a kitchen, dinning room, living room, library all about 500 sq ft a bathroom and couple closets. It would have a wrap around porch outside.

Second floor: would have 4 bedrooms with a jack and jill bathroom between the boys room and one between the girls room. The bedrooms would be about 300 sq ft each with the bathrooms being about 200 sq ft. There would be a laundry room on that floor as well to make it easier to get to without going up and down to it. I would have two rooms about 400 sq ft each either on each end with their rooms in the middle or their rooms on the ends and the rooms in the middle haven’t decided yet. There will be one for the older kids and one for the bigger kids. There would be a porch side their rooms as well.

Third floor: would be my bedroom, bathroom and maybe an office or some kind of other room to use for something.

We figured out it would be about 8,100 sq ft total. But it is mostly because I want the bedrooms to be no smaller than 300 sp ft to make them more functional and use-able.  If I had mega millions I don’t think that is that big of a house compared to what a lot of people who had that kind of money would built.

I would also buy about 100 acres. That would give me 10 for each of the kids when they got older, 10 my mom could put a place on, 10 for myself, 10 for my sister, 10 for my brother if they wanted to come. That would leave about 20 that I could use for something else maybe to put some houses on and rent out or for friends who wanted to move too. I would not give any of them the land, they could move there put some kind of place to live or what on it and have whatever they wanted to have on it. They would have to pay their own lights, water other normal bills, property taxes and insurance on their 10 acres. I would have it all sectioned out in 10 acre tracks so it all didn’t come one big lump. This would allow them to live cheaper and be able to have whatever they wanted and be close to everyone. But it also would let me keep control of my property, no one could sell it to someone else if they decided they didn’t want to be there, or to get the money to go somewhere else, this would keep them from moving just anyone in that isn’t family. I just don’t want to be taken advantage of by some or to lose some because of the way some are. They would say oh we want to come give us a track then in no time of being there say we don’t like it here we are going to sell ours to move somewhere else we want to be, or we are going to move all these other people here with us. Just anything to try and to get to you or at you. That is just how a few are and I’m not going to be done that way. I don’t think that is a bad thing, if you figure other than their every day bills they will pay anywhere taxes once a year and insurance even if it came to $4000 a year would only be about $330 a month that is less than half what rent would cost them somewhere.

Father of The Year said oh your going to blow it have it all wasted in no time. Just because I said I was going to buy me, my sister and mom a new to use truck and then build a house and buy some land. I would invest a lot to keep making money and to help a charity or start one. I figure the house would cost maybe $400,000 to build, and three new to use trucks maybe $30,000 add maybe $100,000 for the 100 acres. Even if it came to a million if you had $380 or $540 million that is a drop in the bucket and plenty to invest.

{July 8, 2016}   Anxiety Sucks

My anxiety is up, I realized this morning it was. I was sitting on the couch before I took my Little Guy to school. He came over hugged me and laid down in my lap. When he did I could feel my heart rate just drop and felt so much calmer. I had not even noticed it was racing so much or that I was worried  about anything.

But I guess really I should have realized there has been a lot going on the last month, nothing major just little everyday things that I think about now and then. I didn’t think I was stressing over them or thinking about them all that much. I do here and there then try to forget it and think about other stuff, but I guess subconsciously it is getting to me.  I know I been stressing over school and a couple classes. This one class is beyond the amount of work I expected, I thought maybe I was the only one that felt that way but then I got an email someone else sent the teacher talking about what kind of class it is and how much work it is and that it is almost impossible to keep up and then do our other classes too. I been thinking it was just me and then thinking how would I get through the rest of my classes taking as many as I have to take if they all had work like this one. That would slow me down because I would have to go back to taking less classes in order to keep up and it would take me longer to get through it throwing off my plans to be done by next year. But I had been worrying about that for a while and hadn’t felt the way I have the last week or so. It was like a normal level of stress for me I guess you could say.

Finding the kids schools, the divorce, my little one being a handful and all the appointments everyone had last week I think all just added up and took over. I am down to the last few weeks to find them a school and one that will take them that has openings. It has it’s own basket full of stress as I said in The Hunt is On. The divorce I don’t think I am really stressing over as much as I just want it done and the anticipation that it is so close and finally happening hopefully. It s almost like a kids a few days before Christmas. All the appointments just ended up falling together like that and when they did I wasn’t worried about it because Father of The Years was supposed to handle part of them so everything would work around each other with no problems. Then he went back to work the Friday before them all and I had to take care of them. Some had to be changed. I have been so busy with school with all the extra work in this one class I haven’t been able to spend the time with the kids and my little one is really showing out. To top it all off I noticed last night that one of my cards is missing. I need to tear the house part and try to find it. We looked all over last night and couldn’t find it. The clutter is horrendous I have been so busy. That is getting to me too. I take time to clean make sure the place is clean but the clutter I have not had time to go through and get rid of. I feel like it is over taking the place now on top of having all the stuff from the bedrooms I need to sell so that I have that money back.

Now with not sleeping I sit here away all night, I take my little one to school and come home and lay down for a little bit. Try to get some sleep. Then I feel bad because we are all going back to bed and not up doing some of the stuff that needs to be done and what everyone is going to say if they know we are laying back down. Not that it is anyone’s business but I still feel like someone is going to know and say something. That I am wrong for doing it. Things do get done they just get done in the evening when I am up not sleeping instead of in the morning. At least in the evening I feel like being up and doing stuff where as in the morning I feel so tired and wore out. If I did stay up not much would get done anyway because I wouldn’t feel like moving. I have always been a night owl always did most the stuff around the house at night when I’m up anyway. I sleep in, in the morning but not as late as I have been the last week or so.

I did go to bed early last night and I slept but not a good sleep, I was up and down all night, my little one ended up in bed with me beating me up and I kept having this dream about my dad. I don’t know where we were it was some kind of big event or something he was trying to tell me something I couldn’t hear him and then he disappeared. I left with his car and went to some other event or something and then lost his car, I couldn’t find where I parked it even though I was right where I left it. This group of people came and I went with them we were going to drive around the lot looking for my dads car and we ended up somewhere else. The next thing I knew I was trying to get my grandma on a plan before she missed it and find the person at the airport who was going to fly with her and make sure she got to the person who was waiting on her where she was going. I don’t know where she was going someone was saying to meet my dad where he was. They were saying they weren’t coming back I was telling them I didn’t know where my dad was and that my grandma had missed one flight the day before and she was coming back she be back tomorrow. They said no once she went she wasn’t coming back. Then I woke up to the clock going off. I remember my sister being in the dream and some other stuff going on but I don’t remember what it was now. By time my clock went off I felt like I been up all night even though I really hadn’t.

When he laid down with me on the couch I felt so calm and my heart rate drop, I remember thinking that was odd I didn’t even realize I it was up like that and that I was nervous or stressing about anything. As soon as I thought it I thought of everything that had been going on and my dream. I should have known when I had the dream, when I get stressed I dream weird crazy stuff like that. It isn’t your normal oh I had an odd dream kind of dreams. But I really hadn’t thought of the dream once I woke up either. When my anxiety gets bad is when I get to where I can’t sleep at all and when I do the dreams are all night and I feel like I haven’t slept.

I haven’t really had anyone to talk to or talked to anyone about any of it other than what I have written here. I think that is where having that other person a partner comes in to play and it bothers me so much at times like this. If I was with someone I would have some to talk to, I wouldn’t be doing it all on my own so I wouldn’t be as stressed to start with. If I was stressed or something bothering me I would have them to talk to and I wouldn’t lay here awake all night thinking about it. I would have them here, the closeness would help me feel calm.

I am going to go get ready to pick my Little Guy up from school, on the way home I am going to stop somewhere and get some boxes so that when we get home we can get rid of all this clutter. I would like to get it together and have a yard sale tomorrow. Mostly because I have this bedroom set here to get rid of the rest I can stick out there if I make something I do if not I will call the donation truck to come pick it up because I don’t feel like hauling it anywhere at this point. I mainly just need to sell the big stuff, if it don’t sell then I will probably call the auction and see if I can take it there and sell it. They will make part of my money but I will still get close to what I want out of it because there is a store that buys stuff and like that and it ends up going for a lot more than I would pay for it used. I just have to drag it there and then wait even longer for my money. I rather just sell it outright to someone here and them worry about moving it. I will move it but I charge extra for gas and they have to have someone to load and unload it.

At least that will take care of the stress of the clutter and making my money back hopefully. While I am sitting out at the yard sale I can work on my school work. I am kind of ahead, I have most of the work for one class down, all of it for another done and one page I have to write for the other. My 4th class is kind of a lot of work but it is quick and easy I zip through it pretty quick and it isn’t due until Tuesday. The rest is due Sunday. Only a few more weeks to go. Then it will be time to start a new round with 4 or 5 classes.

{June 24, 2015}   Dreams When In A Funk

Here we go again can only write a post if it is in some other color than normal. Still can’t figure out why it dose this or how to fix it, so in the mean time until I do just bear with me. 

I went to bed fairly early for me last night, around 1 am and went to sleep right away for the most part. While I don’t remember waking up until around 6 something I did have a bunch of crazy dreams. I only really remember on but all night I dreamed about snacks and something being on me. Needless to say I didn’t sleep well at all even though I finally slept all night. 

I don’t normally dream about snacks unless I’m really stressed and I really haven’t been stressed other than about them coming to look at the the house and I am really not stressed to the point of having crazy dreams. But I was in this really odd funk last that hit not long before I went to bed and seemed to just get worse until I finally went to sleep. 

I text my friend for a little bit before I went to sleep. I just really down and depressed. I don’t know what made it hit all of a sudden and so hard. I just felt really upset and lonely. I have been feeling really lonely for a while now. It will come and go at times it has the last few years, but the last week or two it has really been on my mind a lot and bothering me. I feel like I’m going to be this way forever. 

My friend says it’s steps I will meet someone when I get moved a way from here like I want to be. I tell myself that and would really like to meet someone after I move because if I meet someone here what are the odds that they are going to want to move or be able to move really? But then I feel like I am never going to get to move and that I am going to be stuck here forever. Even with a job bills are so high I really have no extra money to save to try and move. Like I said before here it just seems like everyone knows everyone and everyone thinks they know you before they even meet you or try to get to know you. Or they have their past or habits they either try to hide or don’t care if you know about at all because they aren’t trying to change them. Who wants to be a part of all that really. I just feel trapped I guess. I have applied for two jobs that I would really like to have but haven’t heard anything back. I pray that I hear something soon and it is good. I am going to be contacting them tomorrow I think if I don’t hear anything by then. See if I can at least set up a interview or when they plan to set some up. I was at the one place yesterday and it looked as if they may have hired someone new so I am hoping they haven’t filled it. I had a appointment with my little guy today so I wasn’t able to go in and talk to them. 

I guess that funk just made me have the crazy dreams. I don’t normally have them when I feel that way either, I wasn’t stressed more depressed than anything. But our minds have such a odd way of working and connecting with our emotions you never know what may happen. 

{February 25, 2015}   Slowly But Surely

In November of 2012 shortly after I moved from RC’s place I posted a page with My Goals and Dreams. It has been just over two years since that post and a lot has happened. Everything hasn’t turned out just as planed but they are slowly falling into place. I thought I would update and let everyone see where I am so far.

Moving was top of the list. I really thought this was going to be the time and we were going to do it this year. Then everything happen with my dad. I was not going to move and leave him here that way. My plan was to have him move with me he couldn’t move at that point either. That pushed things back to next year probably. But I don’t regret putting it on hold. He is much more important. dreamboard3


I also figured out that the scholarship my son got a few months ago would not be usable if we had moved. I had not thought about asking or checking into that until after I found everything else out and couldn’t go. I probably wouldn’t have thought to check into it because I thought once it was awarded you could use it anywhere. I want to use it to get him things he needs and then maybe put the rest into a collage found for him so he don’t lose it.

dreamboard2At least with in the next two weeks or less me and the kids will have our own house. Father of the year is moving out for good this time and we will be staying in the house we are now living in. The rent is paid up until May and I have no lease. I would like to try and find something in a little better area and closer to places we go a lot but either way it will all be ok.


deamboardI have gotten furniture for our place. The boys got this bed without the shelves under it. Instead it has another twin bed that pulls out for my little one to sleep on. I liked it because it gave them more room since they just pushed the bottom bed under. Wrong it stays out all the time they have their “hideout” back there. I still have to decide what to do for dresses. They have two but they don’t match. Either re due them or get others. But it is a start. My big girl found a set she liked at a good deal so she has a tall chest desk and bed. My baby girl has her little house bed she just loves. I got a living room set just need to get some coffee tables to go with it. I got a great deal on a dining room set as well that is nice. I would like to find some chairs as I don’t like the ones that came with it but they are nice. Just not very strong to last long. I got to work on finding me some stuff for my room. I am getting my dads bed and then just need dresser. But the kids are happy and have stuff. I will share with my little bitty a little while longer.

dreamboard1 Of course baby girl is here. Hard to believe she will be two already in April. She is something else and smart as can be. She knows it too so it just makes it even worse. She learned to do flips watching Elmo, well now not only dose she do flips but she likes to flip off of things like chairs, stools, toys or whatever else she things she can. She watched them and learned to jump with both feet off the ground. She has been counting some for a while. If you start she will say the next number most the time. She is talking up a storm now too. Her vocabulary is crazy. Her obsession over shoes is out of unbelievable. She will sit down and try to take shoes off anyone’s feet if she likes them.

School has been a all new experience for us this year. As we decided to homeschool this year after moving into our house and not liking the school that’s practically in our front yard. Not wanting to drive 50 miles a day again to take them to and from and not being able to find one that suits either of them very well. schoolI want to take some classes but had waited to start because I thought we were going to be moving out of state. I didn’t think to check into starting when plans changed but it all just happen so fast I couldn’t have done them and dealt with all that was going on. I’m not sure if I am even ready to think about trying to get back into it now yet really. But I plan to start checking everything out so that I can start soon. The kids like being homeschooled. We will keep doing that this next year coming up.

dreamboard4 We made it through the holidays the last two years. The first was hard because we were homeless yet again. This year was pretty nice because the kids got to put up all their stuff for the different holidays. I don’t even remember what we did for new year eve. I sure know what I was doing New years day. Since then every day has been a struggle to get through.

I had wanted to get my truck once I got moved away and settled. But since I couldn’t move this year and my truck decided to break down I took some of the money I was going to move on and got a truck. truck I will have to get a better picture of it but this is all I have for now. Another one of them things I haven’t felt like doing. It isn’t a big deal so it hasn’t gotten done. It don’t have the tv’s in it but it isn’t a big deal because the kids don’t keep up with their dvd’s anyway. My dad was going to get them one for the truck at Christmas but didn’t because they don’t. It is the 5.4 L motor in it. It don’t have a left but maybe I will put one on it when I have some extra money once I get to working. I am just happy I found one in such good shape for such a good price.

I have accomplished 4 out of 10 goals in 27 months. It isn’t great but it isn’t horrible either. I don’t think so anyway considering that most of them take a pretty good chunk of money to accomplish and the spot I am in.


{November 17, 2014}   Feeling A Lot Like Moving

It’s not a secrete that I want to move and get a way from here. The kids are on board they ask all the time when we are going to move and why can’t we move away to somewhere else.

This is the last year that me and Father of the year will be filing taxes together. That will give me some money. Between what I have coming in and what I should get for child support I should have enough to show I can cover the rent until I get a job. I will have around $6000 to go on and get a place once we get there.

I am researching on line places to rent, jobs, and areas on line. I plan to line up 3 to 4 places that  I have talked to and who will rent to use when we get there. Once we get there we can go check each one out and the area of town they are in and decide what one we think will work best for us. Hopefully we can move in that day so that we don’t have to spend money on a room and things.

I figure I will take what we have left once we get there and put the rent and deposit down. After that I will pay to get the lights, water, and gas if we need it on. Once I get everything on I want to take the rest and pay on the rent to get it paid ahead. I hope to have enough to pay up at least two to three months in addition to the first month. Then I will have a little leave way and time to find a job.

My biggest worry is finding a good area with out being able to go up and check things out first. I have to go by what I see on line get from the realtor’s, and others that I can find to talk to in the area. Other than that I know when I tell my mom she is going to freak out and try to stop it. I am sure she will start with father of the year and try to get him to keep us from going or him to get us to come back. I am waiting until just about the last minute to tell her if we decide to go.

I have been talking to father of the year and he agrees and thinks we should go. He wants to go but he is going to stay here for 6 months to a year after we go. That way can make sure we are where we are going to stay for a while and he will have his job so that he send the support so that we will have it to work with to get in a place. I have wanted to do this for a long time and every it seems that we are going to be able to start making plans they just seem to get pushed to the side. It just never felt like it was the right time as bad as I wanted it to be. This time feels different, this time it feels right. If I can line everything. It will pretty much come down to having a few places lined up to move into when we get there.

If for whatever reason we don’t end up moving then I am going to get a new truck. Well new to me truck, I still have my old one and the new one I bought a few years ago I sold when it started having so many problems. But this time I will be moving up instead of buying the same thing. I will be getting my Excursion that is here I put here on my Goals And Dreams page.

To be honest it is hard picking between getting the truck I want and moving. But I can only do one or the other. I am going to do everything I can to go ahead and move and wait a year or so more on my truck. I feel that we all really need this move for so many reasons.

My older kids are getting bigger and I want to be able to enjoy it with them. I don’t want the younger kids growing up here any more than they already have. I want to hopefully meet someone in the next few months or so. Really there isn’t anyone here to meet and I don’t want to meet anyone here because most everyone here wants to stay here. I don’t want to stay here. I don’t want to get into a relationship to just end it because I want to move or to end up staying here because of it. I still want to have the property and horses and the longer I wait the longer it will be before I can do that. I want to start a business but I don’t want to do that here and have to do something with it just as I get it going good. I don’t want to be moving it with me and I don’t want to find someone here to run it or leave in charge of it. I could sell it and use the money to open another when I get where I’m going. But there is nothing to say that I would have it going enough to sell it or would sell it and make anything out of it.

So as much as I would love to have my truck I really need to do everything I can do to make this move happen.

November 2012 a few months after everything happen with me and RC I sat down and made a plan for me and the kids. I decided where I wanted our life to be and the things I wanted us to have. I then made a online dream board (My Goals and Dreams). I know a few months ago in August I wasn’t where I wanted to be didn’t even seem close.

Tonight I went back and looked over it again and I still don’t feel I am close to where I want to be or the things I want. But I am ok with that. Because I did not expect to have so many problems with my pregnancy and not be able to work while I was pregnant and a few other things that came up along the way. I also didn’t set it up as a this is where I have to be in a year kind of thing. It was more of a this is where I would like to be in life and I would like to be there in a year but some of the things are pretty big things to accomplish in just a year. Looking at it realistly and with keeping in mind I have 4 kids that come before everyone and everything.

I do however have a few things I can cross off my list. Like having my wonderful baby girl but that’s a given right ;),

I didn’t get all new furniture for the house. I did and didn’t. I got a set for the house we were just in but it was really big took up way to much room and I sent it back. Then I got another set and got rid of it when I moved. I didn’t really like it and it had somethings wrong with it when I got it. But I did get my oldest stuff for her room. It wasn’t brand new but new to her and looked it. And I got the bed that is in the picture for the boys room. The only difference is it has the bed that slides in under instead of the draws and shelf. It was new to them but not new. I had to get it that way because they needed beds and they had limited room since father of the year was sharing with them and had to have a bed too. I did learn that I do not want to keep that bed for either of the boys. It is a nice bed and a great idea with the bed or shelf under it. But it is Huge and takes up a lot of room. You would have to have very large room for it to have room for other stuff. There is no way me and RC would have gotten two much less 4 in a room. But we are keeping theirs and my girls stuff until I get settled and we see how much room we have and money to spend on new stuff.

Even though things are the way they are we did have a pretty good Christmas and New Years. No where near as stressful as most or last year. I think the big help on that is the fact that I knew what all the kids were getting I just had to go get it wrap it and be done. Most years I have no clue and am searching up until the day or two before. Plus I didn’t stress about what I was getting the adults because I decided that this year I just couldn’t do it I wasn’t going to stress about it and try to work it out and get everyone something. I didn’t and it was nice.

We made it to 2014 that is a blessing in of it’s self to be alive and well.

I do have my eye on a excursion I don’t know anything about it at all. It sits here at the condos it has been here for a year and they don’t drive it. I am going to ask them about it and see what is wrong with it. See if they would be interested in selling it and have it checked out myself. See if we cant come to a deal on it if it isn’t to bad. I don’t want to give a lot for it because I know it has been sitting and I know that even with nothing wrong with it when it was parked sitting really takes a toll on a truck. I have a feeling it is blown up or something. In that case if I can get it for a really good price I could put a create motor in it and be done. I know plenty of guys who could put it in that it won’t cost me a ton of money to have it done. Mostly just the cost of the motor and truck. I have no idea the year the motor or anything. I keep wanting to stop and ask but I never see anyone out there. I may knock on the door one day. I want to wait until I get my tax money so I know what I have to work with.

Over all I am ok with my goals and dreams and where I am. I think this way to gives me a better advantage because if I get some money saved the next few months then me and the kids can travel when school gets out. Check some places out and see if we see somewhere we want to move to. Not just go blind like we were going to do.

{October 23, 2012}   The Next 18 Months

So I have been doing a lot of thinking about where I am and where I want to be and what I want to have. Seeing as I am starting over from pretty much nothing but personal stuff. The only furniture I have is my crib and a chest that I will be taking with me. Really that’s all I have now and my personal stuff. But I am ok with that. When I split up with my ex that’s all I ever really wanted any way. I don’t want to drag a bunch of stuff from the past around with me to just remind me of the past. I left that for a reason and not reasons I want to think about all the time. When the last few years the bad out weighed the good by far there really isn’t any good to remember. The things I would have wanted or would have kept are already gone.

I was doing this 8 months ago before I met RC and everything went way different than I had planed or wanted. I don’t think my plans have really changed much since then. Just rearranged into a different order. Maybe a few things added to them.

I want to get moved out of this state to another first and for most. Not sure what state still looking into it but somewhere other than here. I plan to do this by February. I want to be able to get the kids all new stuff for their rooms and some other new stuff for the house by summer. Until then we will get stuff to make due.

Get us a nice home or apartment to start out with. I would like to get us a nice place out a way from town and things but for now something to start out until I am sure that is the area of town we want to be in and know our way around.

I want to get a job I probably won’t be able to do this until after I have the baby and wait for my leave time to go by. But I want to get something. It don’t have to be a great job or the best job out there. Just something to make up what I will need to cover the bills and give us a little extra money every month. Something not to stressful.

I don’t want to be stressed out at work all day and worried about things at home why I try to pay attention in school. I wanted to do counselling but I am not sure now. I am thinking about taking some classes to be able to work with teen moms and moms with their babies and when they are pregnant. I just have to check things out and see what kind of jobs and things are in that area. If there is a need for it and how much of one. I would love to get back into bail bonds if I could. I could do that and go to school with no problem really. I like doing the bail bonds and could do it forever but I want to do more than that. I like to learn new things too.

I want to have everything set up and going on a routine by the end of summer so that we can have a calm and relaxing school year and really enjoy the holiday. Something we haven’t really done in a very long time. We celebrate and the kids enjoy their self but I haven’t enjoyed them or really had a good time in years.

After that by April or so of the next year I would like to be moved to somewhere we want to be if we decide we don’t want to stay in the place we are in. Start a business of some kind. I am thinking a store or spa not sure what yet. Again one of them things you have to consider the area and what is needed what will do the best. And to have the truck that I want with all the things i want to go with it.

It would be nice to maybe meet someone somewhere in there once I get moved. Nothing to much. Just someone to talk to, hang out with when I have free time, get to know and see where things go.

I talked to RC about these things and he was some what supportive. He would say I could do it but then turn around and say you can’t work and go to school. Or how are you going to go to work and take the kids where they need to be. He didn’t seem like he really liked the ideas to much.

Those are my goals for the next 18 months. I feel good about them and feel that most all of them are do able in that time frame. I just have to find the motivation to get up and get it all in motion.

et cetera
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