{February 28, 2019}   Moonshine Is Not My Friend

Last night was our night to go to Applebee’s but things didn’t go as planed. I got off my first job and called into my second job before that. I will explain more about that later. Since I wasn’t going to my second job I went and took the drive to pick up Sleeping Beauty.

We had all planed to go to get something to eat and then go to Applebee’s for a while. After I picked him up we went to Bff’s house to get her and help her with something quick. Why we were there getting ready to leave a friend of theirs came up. Sleeping Beauty use to stay with him and left because of everything going on. He is bad news, not someone he really needs to hanging out with. But anyway, we went out and was talking to him and he decides he wants to go that is fine but then he wants to go to the pool hall for a bit first. Okay fine we decide we will go there for a bit. Well Sleeping Beauty jumps in the truck and goes with him. Tells bff to ride with me and for us to go pick up her aunt. I was like just ride with me he wouldn’t. Then when we left the pool hall we went over to Applebee’s and this friend decides that he is ready to go right away and lets go back to his house and drink. We were all like no no lets just stay we are supposed to see if this guy shows up.

He gets up to go and Sleeping Beauty up and goes too. Now I am done. I am pissed he not said hardly two words to me since he showed up we played a game of pool that was it. I called him said something about he forgot to pay for his drink. He said something about not having it and shit. I said well I don’t know you need come take care of it and he said sorry we we are gone. I hung up and in a few minutes he text me and said you knew I didn’t have any money. I said what so I am your free ride? I shouldn’t of but I was upset. he said wtf you mean I told you I hadn’t seen him in a long time and hung out.

I said I come get you want to see you spend time with you and you practically ignore me. He said we are all talking and having fun. I said we have hardly seen each other hung out either. You couldn’t hand out he says and you jump. He is ready so everyone suppose to jump and go.

Then he says to me you need to calm down you are doing the same shit you did last time. I said last time? He said when we tried to date. I said I didn’t know we did. I sent him a voice clip because I was driving and I knew he would have to play it and everyone standing there. I said I don’t know what you mean about last time because we weren’t together and I told everyone that they were asking. Then in the end I got my ass chewed because I told everyone we were together. He didn’t respond to that at all.

Well then we were at this guys house the girls wanted to go over there I wanted to talk to him in person. He didn’t say two words to me hug me nothing. He wouldn’t even look at me hardly to start with. I just looked at him he knew I was pissed and right and I think he thought I was going to start shit right there. I didn’t, I don’t want everyone in it.

Well bff went to her house and got a jar of moonshine and they were passing it around. I said no because I needed to drive home I have never drank it and I wasn’t in the mood to drink at that point. I was ready to leave really. Bff’s aunt said just sip it try it. So I did it wasn’t good at all. They ended up going back to her house for something and bringing another jar back. She handed it to me and told me to try it. She said it was much better than the other. I tried it and it was good. They passed it back and forth a few times and then me and her started passing it between us and the rest were doing whatever. There was hardly anything gone out of the jar and I ended up drinking the whole jar. I was sitting there thinking about everything that was going on with me and him and that we are only a week in and is it worth it. I was thinking about my dad and this guy was talking about kids and being there for them and taking care of them and things. Sleeping beauty was talking about not getting to see his and how he wants to and they don’t want anything to do with him and things. I thinking about mine and how their dads are such assholes and won’t have anything to do with them and he is around the corner. I just drank it.

I have never in my life been so drunk I did not know what I was doing or what I did. Let me tell you don’t remember much of last night. They said I got mean and nasty with Sleeping Beauty and Bff. I was telling her aunt all kinds of things about my ex and the shit he use to do to me. I ended up puking over and over all of a sudden by where we were sitting. I guess everyone got up and ran. They said I was trying to stay the night with Sleeping Beauty and do things. He was telling me no he wasn’t doing that with me tonight I was drunk. She says while I was trying to get him to go in the house with me where he was going to stay someone said something about getting pregnant. As drunk as I was I told them hell no go get my purse I had something in there to keep that from happening. That should tell you how done I am that I really don’t want more kids.

Bff said she drove my truck around the block and to her house and I open the door because I was going to be sick and fell out. When we got to her house I was out sitting on the ground beside the truck with the door open leaning on it. They said the guy who’s house we were at came down and got me up and was trying to put me in the house. I guess I sat on the steps out front and sat there for like an hour. She said I was yelling at them not to touch me. I was texting Sleeping Beauty telling him to help me. He was telling me to go in the house. To let them help me. I told him I couldn’t move my body wouldn’t move. I couldn’t move, I wanted to and couldn’t. I guess once I got inside the fun continued for a bit. I woke up on a mattress in the kitchen wrapped in a blanket. Bff said she came in looked and my clothes were all around the mattress. She said she brought it out for me to sleep on she was worried I was going to get sick more so she stuck it there so she could clean it and not have it on her carpet. All I could do is laugh.

Never ever again will I ever drink that. I was feeling okay this morning she washed my clothes and I took a shower so I could come to work. Sleeping Beauty called her and ask her if she could run him to work about the time I got out of the shower. I told her tell him I was going right by there I would take him. He came down and sat while I was getting ready. We were all joking around with him.

We left I said what the hell did I do, he said it was bad. I said are you mad about me? He said no. I said yes you are, I just kept telling him I was sorry. He said your fine. I said no I feel so bad, I am so sorry. I stopped at the store and got a bottle of coffee I couldn’t even make my coffee this morning. I got a big bottle of water. I took him across the street to his job to drop him off. I told him come around to my side of the truck he did. He said I’m not kissing you, you something. I said what why? He said you got puke breath or mouth something like that. I said I have brushed my teeth washed my mouth out and everything else. He said oh no I don’t care it’s not been that long ago. I laughed. I said you don’t have to. I said are we alright? I said I’m sorry start over I’m really sorry. He said yeah gave me a hug and told me to get to work I was already late. I was because the truck wouldn’t start and we had to get it to start and then I still had to go to the store and drop him off. I was about 20 minutes late. Once we got the truck started and got going I had him message my boss just say the truck wouldn’t start I was on my way. They just said okay.

I guess while all this was going on my mother called had a fit I had to talk to her. They said I didn’t say anything bad. I have not been home since yesterday morning. Oldest had to take kids to school today. I feel horrible I never do shit like that not be there to take care of things like that.

{January 24, 2019}   Not Going To Drink It

Last night we went to our weekly girls night out. My friend I worked with at the beach job was there. She was just getting off so we had our regular waiter. She came over and talk to us a bit and said she had to go she had a drink over there. I said I would be drinking but didn’t have the money to drink what I wanted.

In a little bit she brought me a drink over said she wasn’t going to drink it. They were two for one. I drank it started talking to the waiter about others. I ended up having two Long Island ice Tea after that. I guess because the first was made for her and then because we are friends and we know the waiter they made them strong. I was feeling good. I was relaxed but not buzzed.

We ended up leaving early because bff’s aunt wasn’t feeling good. I had left my truck at her house. We dropped her off and bff followed me home. I was alright but with my tag I was not taking a chance on getting pulled over.

I had messaged my Old Friend told him to come see me he was in bed. Told me I could come down if I wanted to. I told him I had to much to drink to do that. I knew it would hit me I didn’t want to be caught out needing to drive when it did.

I think he fell a sleep I didn’t hear from him much after we talked about the truck a minute.

{February 11, 2018}   Not My Best Week Ever

This past Thursday was 3 years that I lost my daddy to cancer and it wasn’t any easier than the day it happen. I don’t know why I was thinking it was Friday not Thursday and I was kind of mentally trying to prepare myself. It seemed to be working, until I figured out it was Thursday I was wrong. Wednesday was a ruff day, I’m not sure why, I went did my prints for my background check, for my internship and then to my therapy appointment at 1. I went with a friend to lunch in between then went to the shop. I was just not in a good mood just really down feeling as the day went on. I went right in at the shop and started pulling everything apart and cleaning. I did all the rugs and pulled them up tossed them outside and did the floors all around, then brought the rugs back in laid them out and did them again and put everything up and away. After that I just sat there listening to music and looking for jobs on youtube. I had text her about the job I interviewed for.

In a little while the boss came in said he was leaving I started to get up to get my stuff together and go he said the other guy was going to lock up about 4:30 and left. I thought he was going to lock the office up before he left but he was just telling me he was leaving for the day. I just sat there thinking about things and not really doing much of anything. By the time I left I was in tears. In a little bit he came in said he was locking up ask if I was ready and set the alarm. I grabbed my bag and went out. I stopped outside the door to close my bag he seen I was upset. He was asking me what was wrong? He was calling me he said you know I love you? Do you need to talk? I said no I love you too x I’m okay. He hugged me and we started walking out to the fence to lock it up and go to where the cars are all parked. He was saying is it this, that, boyfriend? Kids? If you need to talk I am here. I said it’s okay just stuff from the past. He said okay and we went on. I figured the bosses wife would be calling me to see what was wrong she is my BFF and he lives with them. He is one of the kids and he gets worried about everyone or if something is wrong. I figured he say something to her. He just turned 21, he been in trouble in the past and don’t have a family. They have known him for a little while and he is trying to get on the right track and get his little boy back since his mom lost him and signed up her rights to him. They are helping him, so we know each other out side work and things.

That night my friend the one that my my BFF introduced me to and was trying to get me to go out with before we knew how broken he really was and his problems. He messaged me and was trying to talk I did a little but not a lot. He said something about needed to talk. I told him if he needed to talk he could call me. He called me in a little bit and said no I was asking if you needed to talk something is wrong and we talked for a little while but I didn’t tell him what was wrong either. I just didn’t really want to talk about it.

Then next day I just was not in a good mood very down and depressed, I been fighting the urge to drink since the day before. I messaged my friend ask her if she wanted to go to lunch I was hiding at the time. She said she could’t she had things to do. I told her I wanted to go to lunch I needed some drinks she said no we would go later that night. I told her I couldn’t go that night but it was okay. I was talking to my Good friend that I talk to all the time and he was getting ready to go to work. I stopped by his house for a little bit. Sat there talking to him some. He said come here I know what you need he pulled me up and gave me a hug. He said your doing it all on your own and it’s hard I been there. I just burst into tears. I am, I am tired, it is part of what is wrong on top of everything else.

My friend called me in a little bit I answered she said lets go to lunch. She said she talked to her aunt and they had things to do but they were going to go to lunch first because they knew something war wrong. I told her lets go to the pizza place in the village and to meet me at the shop and pick me up. The shop is on her way to her aunts and the pizza place and wasn’t far from where I was. I told her I wanted to have some drinks that I was going to park my truck at the shop then go back there for a while before I had to go home. That way by then I would be okay to drive. She said okay. I dropped my truck off and we went to lunch. I only had one drink a Jack and Coke.

  boy it was strong, I told them I don’t think they gave me any Coke with my Jack. I wanted something else but by the time I was ready for something else we were done eating we were in a hurry to get other things done. I ended up going to storage with them and helping them get that sorted out and somewhat organized so it can be gone through more later.

She said at one point that her husband, my boss asked if I was okay and what was going on I guess he could tell I was upset when he left and then the kid told him I was crying when we left. But she has been dealing with some things with one of her older girls so I hadn’t said anything to her. She still don’t know what all is going on or wrong. I just been trying to be there for her and her daughter as much as I can because I would never want to go through what they are going through and I can’t say I would trade what I was upset about with what is going on.

But I did make it through the day and feeling a little better now that it is Sunday. I had plans for things to do Friday but didn’t get to do them and didn’t really feel like it since it wasn’t the day I thought it was and couldn’t really do them Thursday. I may do them at a later time I don’t know yet. I am still a little aggravated but from other things now I think more than being upset about the day.


{January 2, 2018}   37 Already

Tuesday was my birthday, My boss, his wife my best friend all went out to Apple-bee’s. They had dinner I just went to have drinks. They had $1 Long Island Ice Tea’s. I ordered a sweet tea and we talked while they ate. After that me and her ordered drinks and then our other friend showed up and my boss ended up leaving. He knew that our friend would take us home.

After he left the fun began, we sat and had more drinks and appetizers. We ended up having about 9 drinks each so I was a little tipsy, to say the least. But you know what I didn’t care I have not went out in a long time and have not really just relaxed like that in years. We sat there laughing and carrying on until almost closing time. Then we left and they brought me home. I told them I was going to see my friend and they said no I had to go home it was to late. I told them fine then I would just drive myself over to see him. I told them to just drop me off I would find a ride home they still didn’t want too. They finally took me to his house and said he had to say he was going to get me home if I was staying. I went and knocked on the door and he came to it and was a little shocked and surprised I think to see me there. We had talked earlier in the night and I had tried to get him to come with us but he didn’t want to. He said that when I was done to come by.

Once he came to the door then my friend got out and was talking to him with me. She was asking him if he was bringing me home and things. He told her no he couldn’t but I could stay if I wanted to he didn’t mind. She was telling him I needed away home and I was telling them I would walk it would be okay. They were telling me I could’t walk. I finally told them I would get another friend to pick me up, she was saying she needed to know he would before I stayed and things. I finally told her to go on that I would get home and he said he make sure I was okay and nothing happen to me.

I text my other friend and ask him to come get me in an hour or two. He was like that would be 4 am I have a baby and kids and your asking for my wife to kill me or divorce me. I know she be a sleep most likely and he could get out if he was up. He is messaging me half the time all hours of the night. He started about why I needed a ride and where I was at and letting him come get me now. I told him I was at a friends I had a ride now but they were leaving and I was going to be busy for a little bit. He then ask why my friend couldn’t bring me home. I said he couldn’t or something he like oh so this and that but his car don’t work? I said look this is not the time to have this conversation. We were going back and forth and he said you need to raise your standards. I said okay I will tomorrow. He said it is tomorrow. I said look just come get me I will message you when I am ready an hour two at tops. He said if he was up he would.

Once I was ready I messaged him he came to get me. I didn’t want him to know where I was so I walked over to the little store for him to pick me up. He don’t care for my friend very much. I have known him since we were 14/15 years old. I am not 100% sure how long he has known him or of him other than just what his ex wife had told him and I know the things she said were not all true because she tried to tell me a bunch of stuff. Then she found out I knew who he was and didn’t have anymore to say. When questioned about what she did say she back track. But I knew my friend and his wife and first daughter and use to stay with them when we were younger and I just know the kind of person he is and what she was saying did’t make since and for it to happen with his brother there and others really didn’t add up because I know the brother and the sister as well and that is just not the kinds of things that go on in. If one was the others would step in and say something and not let it go on.

But anyway he came and got me brought me home made sure I got in safe and everything. We say here in my room and talked for a while and then he left. The next day I looked back to see what had been said to who because I was talking to others why we were out and had started talking to my best friends friend and he was messaging me and her and she was saying stuff to him as well. I looked to see what I had said to him. I didn’t think anything to worry about because I knew what was going on and what I was doing and saying but good to check. I never looked to see what I said to my friend who came and picked me up that night and brought me home. It was like three days later I was looking for something that was said or something that he told me before all that and I came across our conversation from that night. All I could do was laugh when I seen what all was said.

He is one that I don’t worry about anything that is said or done in front of him. He is really my best friend and like I have said before there isn’t nothing that we can’t say or do that would change the way either of us feel about the other. We are just really close friends that care and are there for each other.

Later my boss seen something on line where I said something about us all going out and him taking me home. He started questioning his wife, why he had to take me home, where was I and what did his wife say or think about him just going out in the middle of the night doing that for me and things. I laughed, I said tell him where I went I don’t care I am grown and we are all adults. And as far as his wife what is she going to say? she might get mad or bitch a little bit but she will get over it. It is not like I ever call him ask him for anything out of the way or to do that kind of thing for me all the time. I said and whatever she says he would not leave me stuck he would come and get me and she would have to deal. He said she said something about it when we were first talking about it and he told her it isn’t the first of our friends that has needed a ride home in the night and it probably won’t be the last, you never said anything about the rest why are you going to start now it is okay when it is your friends and I am doing it but you get mad when it is mine? He told her no I needed a ride he was going to help me out. I haven’t ever asked him to come out in the night like that and help me in anyway at all, I told him if it was a problem I would wait and find someone else or until it was later and get my friend to come back and get me when she had slept it off some or her husband my boss if I had to. It wasn’t a big deal I just knew he works late, gets home late and goes to bed late and up that time a lot of times anyway.

But I did have a good time out with the girls and just relaxing. It was cheap I didn’t spend a lot when it’s only $1 drinks. Maybe not the best but drinkable right.

{December 31, 2016}   The End of 2016

As everyone is getting ready for tonight and getting ready to go to parties or what not I am doing the mom thing and it’s just another day for the most part. I am herding the kids to get their chores done as my floors are nasty they have spilled I don’t know what or them and tracked it around. The normal everyday crud from the dirt outside and the dogs being walked. We can mop and with in a day sometime minutes they look like they haven’t been mopped. I hate them. I have to wash my rug and get it back in here as well because something got spilled on it too. My grandpa is coming today to try and fix my washer or at least find out what is wrong with it. I still think someone is doing something to it. Because both times it stopped working was when someone was messing around. I am getting a locking knob to put on out there. I just don’t have the money my friends boyfriend has a new one over there he said I could have. Someone bought it for their door but it won’t work. He said give him a ride up to the store to get the right one for his door I could have that one. I keep forgetting to get it when I am there. It’s one of them things you just don’t think about at the moment. Before I was supposed to get the door knob they were taking off when they put the new one on because there is nothing wrong with it it just isn’t the right one for the door. But now since the new one won’t work either he said just take it.

I want to get the Christmas stuff down and put up for the year today, most the time we leave them up a little longer but it got really windy here the other night and blew things everywhere so I think I’m just going to take it down vs setting it all back up just to take it down in a week. Start the new year off with everything put up and clean even if it is just for a few days.

My friend is supposed to come stay the night tonight after my grandpa leaves I have to go pick her up. I have a six pack of screwdrivers I have had since Easter of 2015 that I have not drink yet. That was just weeks after my dad died and it was a horrible day with my mom, I was ready to drink and stopped and got it on the way home. But I didn’t drink it I calmed down, relaxed and skipped it. That is how often I drink it’s been in there all this time. I have part of a bottle of Jack that has been here for years since I was in my house so it is 5 or 6 years old or older because I had it for a while there too. I have drink twice since I bought the 6 pack in my fridge and that was the other week when I went up and seen my friend we sat by the fire outside and drink a few. Then the night me and my other friend went out and she was supposed to be my driver and ended up drinking more than me. But then Father of the Year wants to call here and act like something is wrong with me and I have been drinking or something. Tonight when the kids go to bed yes we will probably sit out front talk and have a few while she smokes and bring in the new year.

Other than that it is going to be a day of cooking and cleaning and referring kids and dogs. I am supposed to be putting a roast in the crock pot but came to look up a recipe and got lost here.

I am also trying to work on a few things in between everything else I am doing today so I don’t know if I will be around anymore today or not. I should be back tomorrow but it will depend if I get things done or not. Everyone have a happy and safe New Years eve and New Years day. See you next year when I get things figured out and done.


{August 27, 2013}   We Went Out Saturday Night

Saturday night I finally go out for a while with no kids at all. It was my friend that lives around the corner from me’s birthday. We went out on the gambling boat Saturday evening. I left here a little before 5 and didn’t get back until 1 something. We had fun. Well me and the birthday boy did lol. I think the others who went got a little aggravated with me and him. Lets just say we drank more than the rest. I had about 6 and a half mixed drinks and the last two were the size of about two or three of the others. I wasn’t sure about going at all because I had never been out on a boat like that or a cruse nothing. just out with friends on their boats and I could come back when I wanted to and things. Not a ton of people around. Wasn’t sure how it was going to go with my panic attacks. I was afraid I may have one with everyone out there felling crowed or being on there and not being able to get off. But it wasn’t bad at all really. My mom such a huge help and ex kept talking all day about how sick people get when they go out there and how bad it was to be sea sick and things and that I would get sick since I hadn’t been out before. Just like them to always look for the worse and try to find the negative in everything and have no faith in you or anything nice to say.

We got there early like they want got on got our playing card and dinner pass. Then we went down to eat before it got to crowed. After we ate we sat there for a little bit and I started thinking about everything. My attacks and them talking about getting sick I almost had myself talked into getting off. But I didn’t, I told them we needed to go find something to do to get my mind off things. I had done decided no matter what I wasn’t getting off what ever happened would just happen. But really felt everything would be ok. We went up to the deck and out to the bar out there. We all got a drink and hung out til the boat got out far enough we could gamble. The guys took off and it was just us three girls. We wondered around and played then went back out to the bar and had a drink. We wondered around for a while. I seen the witches dad when we were eating, The one who told my ex he could do better and ran and told him everything we had talked about and things.  I told my friend I was going to go say hi and chit chat just because. I knew it would get back to her. I talk to her dad all the time just not her. She is the type that you shouldn’t go out you shouldn’t drink smoke gamble nothing like that. But then the things she dose it’s crazy. I figured she already has nothing better to do than talk about me and how I am I may as well give her something to talk about lol. Toward the middle of the night we all ended up on outside by the bar. We were all on the back off the boat. The birthday guy was out there he went and bought us all drinks. We were all just standing around there not really doing anything. I said I will be back and walked up to the front where he was standing and started talking to him. He was surprised I was dressed make up done. He said I had to do a double take when I seen you earlier I wasn’t sure that was you. We talked for a few and I went on. He had some younger guy with him he introduced himself I said hi. I went back to where everyone was at. My friends husband said that old guy you were talking to keeps looking at you lol. I said yeah its ok told him who he was and what all happen he laughed. the rest were gone it was just him and his brother in law standing there we talked they had went to the bathroom. He said you want another drink. I said mines gone he said i know that do you want another. I said hell I always can go for another so he handed me money told me go get one. Thats when I got the monster hurricane bucket like 32 oz. I drink it in just a little bit and went and refilled it. I probably shouldn’t have done that. Even though I didn’t even end up drinking but half the refill or less. they think I had 3 or 4 of them. They didn’t know I never drink the other until long after I got it. They still don’t believe me. But I know because I didn’t have money to have filled it that many times and I still had all the money I left with but the money it cost me to fill it the 2nd time after he bought the first one.

But anyway we finally found a table then my one friend walked over to smoke I walked over with her and smoked. I never smoke but once in a while I decide I want to and I do. I have never been one that had to have it all the time. Like I had one or two then and don’t want another. Mostly just when I drink. Well my friends dad was standing there again and we started talking. His friend came over and started talking again. My friend decided she wanted to go back to the table so she was trying to get me to come I kept telling her I would in a minute I was talking. But her being her and thinking I was to drunk kept pulling me and telling me to come now. She ended up breaking my shoe. I was so mad. We went back and sat down the boat was about back to port and the birthday guy gets up to go somewhere do something. He don’t come back in a few minutes his wife goes to find him. In a little bit they didn’t come back I got up to go look for them.

I am always the one when I go out who no matter how much I have had to drink to keep up with everyone make sure everyone has a safe ride home and isn’t leaving with someone that they shouldn’t be. I use to pull the girls out of guys cars and put them in cars with other people when we went out because they meet these guys or sometimes even know them and be so drunk and going with them. I didn’t like the guys or they just met them I pull them out of the car send them with someone else. They say I know them or they are ok I’m going with them. They guys be saying oh I’ll take them home. I say nope talk to them tomorrow to night they going over here. I put them in the car with a dd to take them home or back to one of the agreed upon houses to stay if we didn’t go home.

Well my other friend stops me at the stares and tells me no go sit down and everything. I told her i was fine i was going to look for him we weren’t just going to let him wonder around and wait for him when we got off or leave our other friend wondering around looking for him alone. Then one of the other guys that were with us grabbes me and is pulling me back. I don’t remember where we went from there. The next thing I know me him and his girl are looking for a bathroom. She had to go and couldn’t wait to get home. We went in the womens it was packed. We found a men’s room. I walked in right into a guard washing his hands. I said oh honey we can’t go in here we are in the wrong bathroom we have to find another as I was turning around and pushing her out the door. I said when we got out of there I would have went in there but it was a gaurd had it been anyone else we would have stayed just wait til you get home. But she wouldn’t so we had find another one.

We finally get off the boat and headed to the truck she takes her shoes off mine is broke and driving me crazy. Her guy still had a hold of me walking me along. I probably wasn’t walking to straight at that point and i was tired I didn’t really care. I stop try take my shoe off and can’t he holds me up and we get them off. I through them to the side and left them. Then we get to the truck and it is lifted way to high. I manage to get in on my own. My friend says get in the back all the way in the back. She has an excursion so i climbed in the back behind the seats. There was some stuff back there but I laid down and was conferrable. I was about a sleep when I hear them telling me to get up into the back seat and buckle up. I said i’m fine here we aren’t going far.  Then I feel this hand on me it was birthday boy grabbing me he was tossed to the back with me. He was grabbing me telling me get up get in the seat. SO I finally did so they would hush and we could leave.

Then he starts trying to rub all over me and talking shit. I kept telling him no we aren’t doing that and knock it off and things he kept on. I said oh I got to make a phone call I pulled my phone out and called RC. One or two rings he answered sounded like he was wide awake. I said hey how you doing what you up to tonight. He says who is this. I said really you don’t know who this is. He says no no clue. I said it’s your daughters mom and this person and that started naming who all was with me. I said we just thought we would call and see how you were doing hadn’t heard from you in a while. Well his stank whore came on and said something. I said some stuff back they hung up. I tried calling back a few times then I get a test lose my number I told you you have the wrong number. I said funny it’s such a wrong number he just picked up. Then I had a lot to say they wouldn’t answer and I couldn’t get a machine so I sent some text. One time he picked up birthday boy was yelling at him to be a fing man and pay some support and take care of his kid. Everyone else wasn’t saying anything they were just like oh shit. Then birthday boy was reading what I was sending and stuff he said oh shit she is killing him. He said no they turned the phone off all them text going come rolling in when they turn it on in the morning and she is going to killing him he is so dead. He kept on trying to mess with me why we were riding and stuff. I remember grabbing his hand and us sitting back there holding hands the rest of the way home so he would stop. I said now look we will just sit here and behavior our self the rest of the way home. I made them stop and get me something to eat on the way home. I was so hungry.

We dropped the other girl off and i think I must have fell a sleep for a few minutes. I remember all I could think was how hungry I was and how sleepy I was. I just wanted to eat and sleep. The next thing I remember is them saying get out we were there turning around and ex standing there. I said what are you doing here he said getting you out of the truck. Guess he thought he was going to get all handsy and pick me up or what. I said I don’t need help move out of the way and got down out of the truck. I get to the door there stands my friend and mom. She got out and went up and was talking to them. She told them she was sorry for bring me home this way and that I was saying all kinds of shit so be ready. I had been but I know everything I said. It wasn’t anything I hadn’t said before.

When I got inside I sat down at the table and ex sat down there and started going off because I had went out and I was drinking. He knew I was he took the weekend off to watch the three older ones so I could go and even offered to watch the baby. He just didn’t like it he wasn’t asked to go and stuff. Then he started on me about why I was in the back and what I was really doing in the back with the birthday guy and all this shit. I got pissed. I said we were riding I have no idea why he was back there I got in first and was told to get in the back I got in the back then i got in the very back to get conferrable and they said i had to move to the seat i did and the next thing I knew he was back there with me. I said we are just friends and she is my friend I am not like that and wouldn’t do that. I am tired of you always insinuating that I am or would do something like that. I said and farther more we are not together haven’t been for a very long time and aren’t going to be ever again and I don’t have to answer to you. My mom came in and got into it and was telling us to shut up we were going to wake my grandma and the kids up. I was so mad and worked up and upset I my ulcers started and I went to my room to the bathroom. I through up one time and I don’t know how I missed the toilet but I did and it went all over the place. I was so mad and a mess. I got ready and got in the shower. Then I look up my mom is standing there with the door open asking me what I am doing. I said I am taking a shower I am fine go on. I finally got out they were all worried I was going to fall. I went to bed never even ate my food then ex comes in here sits down and starts talking to me. His I still care about you and this and that. I didn’t even listen i went to sleep. Oh and when I came out of the bathroom they had taken the baby a way from me. She was in her little bed in my room and they took it out to the living room. I was kind of mad but didn’t really care at the same time. It made me mad they act like she shouldn’t be in the room with me. Like I would do something to her or something. But I didn’t say anything my ulcers were already bothering me I didn’t want to get anymore worked up. I didn’t plan to pick her up or do anything with her anyway it was the middle of the night she was sleeping. she got up a few hours later. I went and made her a bottle then I hear my mom the one who is supposed to be watching her call ex to make her a bottle and take care of her. I was already doing it. I said here she probably needs a diaper and handed him the bottle and went back to bed.

We had fun I told them we need to do it about once every month or two to just get a way and have a good time. I probably shouldn’t drink as much as I did that night but hell we all have to have a little fun sometime. As long as no one gets hurt who cares. We only live once.

et cetera
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