Seems as good of a place as any to start at this point. At work we had two drivers mothers pass away with in 24 or less of each other. They were both on the road at the time. They had to jump of the truck and fly home. We had to shuffle drivers out to meet their trucks so they could jump on them and keep going. Then we had to figure out how to fill their spots why they were gone. All on top of trying to figure out how to fill two or three other drivers spots because they left or came off the road for different reasons and are no longer going to be driving. They were at the end of their notices when this happen. The boss has been sick and missing a lot of work. The owner I have hardly seen this month.

The one driver who lost his mother, I don’t know him. I know of his name when they said it but I can’t even put a face with the name because I don’t see them enough. I know names with voices more than faces with this job since it is a lot of phone work. I am glad for caller id so that I can put a name with who is calling when I don’t know who it is. I am not sure what happen to his mom if she was sick or this was unexpected something happen. They just said she passed he was on a plane home and so and so was on their way to meet his truck and jump on it since he had to jump off.

The other guy that lost his mom was the one that comes in and talks to me that wants to take me and the other guy out for drinks. He tried to get me to go out to get something to eat or drinks with him all the time. I don’t know what happen with his mom either. I know she had been sick or had something going on since I started there back in March. That is when I first met him he was in talking to the guy I work with about his time off and being there for her surgery and things. I don’t know if it was something to do with what she was getting treated then of something else. I didn’t really ask, he hasn’t said anything about it really. When it first happen he called to let me know that he was going to New York and what routes he was going to miss and when he was going to be back. He said something about he guess I knew what happen or what then. I told him yes I had heard and sorry things but that is all we have talked about it.

Then there is the third one and this will be the big one that you all will know the most about because I have talked about this person here some. I think probably the just of her here in this post 80 Years. She is the one that my friend was taking care of the baby for this time last year. She had his first birthday for him, first Christmas, first steps everything with him. Mom was someone I knew from massage therapy school but wasn’t really friends with. We had met a few years later our kids were in school together. I tried to help her let her come over hang out and things but she was still using and started hanging out with a bunch of guys and things again. She was bringing them around and dragging her kids around with all these guys she just met and things. I stopped having anything to do with her. Shortly after that she lost custody of both her kids. She had two more I think it was and gave them up for adoption. She got pregnant again and decided to keep this one. Hints how my friend ended up with the baby when her and dad went to jail. As you can see dad isn’t getting out anytime soon. Mom got out right before Christmas and got him back. My friend had him off and on a few times over the next couple months.

Then her and her husband split and started the divorce process and she had a lot going on. Then the mom kept calling and messaging her telling her she needed a break and she hadn’t gotten to sleep in days or the baby was sick and she needed a break and the baby needed this or that. She told her she needed to be a mom and do what she needed to do to take care of him. She wasn’t going to have him all the time and her snatch him back and forth when she felt like it or just for show to make it look like she was being mommy. They had this conversation before her and her husband split because he wanted her to get him back and just keep him. What ever one was saying she was just using her and playing mommy when she felt like it. She finally seen and backed off then when everything happen with her husband after they split she stop having anything to do with her.

I guess it was two Sunday’s ago she called me before 9 a.m. Let me say I had not really talked to her at all in months now. Maybe a minute here and there she had let Sleeping Beauty come back and live with her. She had called and told me about that a few weeks before. I agreed with her family and told her she was wrong. Between that and him being there and her not being allowed to talk to me when he is there I haven’t heard from her. I had tried to call her since then and she don’t answer. She sends it to voicemail. I leave her messages and send her messages and she don’t reply. I guess it was a week and half a go on Sunday she called me I didn’t answer it. She called a second time right in a row and then sent a text. The text said she was going into her class at 9 wouldn’t be out until 3 but she had to tell me something important. I figured it had to do with Father of the Year. I figured I should call her back and see what it was so I didn’t have to wait all day wondering. I called her back and she answered. She said she could only talk a minute but that she had to tell me something and I couldn’t say anything to anyone at all or on line because only one other person knew.

Then she told me that the babies mom had died that morning. She said another friend of ours had just called and told her. She said the mother went into her room and she was on her hands and knees by the bed and she said something to her. She didn’t reply she walked over said something again and she didn’t move or say anything. She moved her rolled her over she just fell over I guess, said she wasn’t cold all over but parts of her were and her lips and things were blue. Said she called 911 and started cpr. I don’t know who was there with her or helping her. They said the baby wasn’t there her oldest son was but they said he didn’t see her. There are so many people in and out of the house it could of been her guy of the day or her brother or one of her moms friends who knows. I’m glad the kids didn’t see her. The baby was with her man of the week parents house and I talk to Bff Monday and she said they still have him. I can’t believe they have not gotten this baby back I am sure they probably hardly know this guy or his parents but that is how they are. They don’t care.

They said that the EMT got there, walked in checked her pause said she was gone and walked out. Called for someone to come and pick her up. No CPR, odd drug intervention or anything else. Bff and our other friend were surprised. But like I told them she was already blue, CPR wasn’t doing anything and she wasn’t responding in any way they wouldn’t use it.

I was surprised but not surprised when she told me she had died, Bff is all upset and freaked out about it and feels bad she hadn’t talk to her and things in a while or help her. She didn’t “council” her and things. I said look it is not your fault if you had been talking to her or not this would of still happen because she chose the drugs over everything else. She went to jail you took her child in gave him a home made sure he was safe and okay. She was clean and with in days of being out was back on stuff. The night she brought her out with us she was on something. Her aunt said something to me about it. I said I thought the something but I was going nice.

It is sad to say that I had been seeing the babies mom’s post on line the last few weeks and days before she passed and was thinking about what kind of life that poor baby was going to have and how he was going to grow up. I was thinking about what he was going to grow up to be like or how he was going to be. How it wasn’t his fault and how he could be so much more and had such a future and how he is only two years old and that is pretty much shot to hell and back because of the situation he was born into. The people he is being taken around and the things that may or may not happen to him the things that he was going to see and be a part of and go through at such a young age. How it would just be worse as he got older. It was sad she kept him and didn’t give him up like the other two. Then in a few days she calls and tells me she is dead.

I feel bad for her older son as well because she didn’t have custody of him hasn’t for years. Her family took him and the little girl. They kept the girl and gave the boy back. He has been passed around and ended up with her mom and she has been staying there too. But her mom don’t want him she has made it known. Here he is everyone wants the little girl and keeps her, no one in the family wants the baby boy my friend had because he is mixed but there are families that still want him. Then there is him the oldest that now such as mom was she was there and he was starting to have a relationship with him. Now she is gone where does that leave him and who is going to take care of him? My friend is talking about taking the baby and her mom and the dads mom has asked her to and told her they would let her adopt him fully. She is debating on it.

I told her the other night to just do it if they are going to give her fully adoption then I would do it but if they weren’t then I wouldn’t. It isn’t like he is going to cost her all that much more. Bills aren’t going to go up, she has to have the same house and things regardless if he is there or not. The dads family will help her with clothes and things if she needs it. Even if they don’t like I told her he will be okay just like everything else we would figure it out. He didn’t ask to be here they are all a big part of his life what is going to happen to him if she don’t get him. I don’t know what she has decided. I haven’t talk to her about it again since. We were messaging and I was at work. I had to get back in and get things done. I was going to go to breakfast with her this morning but we both had awards at the school for the kids this morning.

I can’t say I was surprised about her passing and I told Bff that it was just a matter of when with her as bad as she was and the people she had started hanging around with the last month or so. She could get things a lot easier than before that and more of it. I don’t know that I thought something would happen so soon. I figured it be a while once she really messed this kid and his life up and he was into trouble and things. Another few years. When she told me it was like she told me oh it’s going to rain in an hour or two. I didn’t feel anything either what way about it.

I am going to try to get with her tonight or in the morning and talk hang out.


So that is the bad that has happen the last few weeks since I have written. Few other things may of happen but nothing major that I can think of. If I do I will add it on another post. But I think that is all the bad for now.

{August 15, 2019}   Grew Up A Long Time Ago

Bff took sleeping Beauty’s stuff to him. They were talking about his friend and her girlfriend how they are. He told her they need to grow up.

I said hum funny seems he needs to take his own advice. He needs to grow up as well get a place decent job and shit.

She said oh no he says he thinks he is grown up. He says he is. She said he grew up a long time a go and young to young or something like that.

I said you know yeah that’s true and a lot of the reason he is the way he is now. I said because he did. I know how that is because I had to. It messes with you and by this point in life your done, your tired, you don’t want to do it no more you want away from it all and to just not deal with life anymore. I said and then for him to have his problem he has all this time on top of it. I can’t imagain doing it.

Not making excuses for him. Just saying I understand that statement. Where he is coming from there, how it feels.

She had told me his first wife got him on the drugs. I guess she was on them or got on them and got him to try it. I know he didn’t really want to marry her to start with and they were young and how things were growing up. So I could see him trying it.

It makes since to me because that has been a question I have had for a awhile and probably said on here. Why that? What made him just decide I think I will try coke today? What was going on why not anything else? When she said that about his wife and things it all made a little more since.

Because she talked to his mom the other day like I said and she was upset and saying she knows he needs help and how sorry she was for what he did. She was saying he wasn’t raised like that and things.

It isn’t an excuse he decided to do it but it answers questions makes since and can kind of understand his thinking and all. He really does need to get out of here away from it and in order to get clean. I think he really wants to but he is so into it and it is right here and he still needs to admit he needs help to get clean and that he has other issues going on that he needs to deal with come to terms with and if that don’t work get medication for.

He has done some really shitty things and has pissed me off and I don’t want to be around him. But I don’t want to see anything happen to him either. I don’t want to see him keep living like this and going through this. I hope he decides to step up and ask for help. Then stick to it. He is 46 years old he can’t keep doing this.

{July 31, 2019}   In To Deep

I think Sleeping Beauty is in to deep this time. He keeps messaging saying he can’t come get his stuff. He told her the other day something about not having a toothbrush and things. Then today he told her he didn’t have one still or deodorant and hadn’t eaten in a day or two. He didn’t have a ride and just got up. That was at 10 or 11 in the morning.

I said well mommy could give him $5 for the stuff he needs and the store is a mile or less from his house of they won’t take him. Why hasn’t he eaten in days? Mommy has food in the house. And would give him a ride to her house to get his stuff.

She said he isn’t staying with his mom he is staying with a friend somewhere because it is closer.

I said a friend his crack body he took your truck to the other night. And closer to what? He hasn’t been working. He has nothing else to be close to.

She said she didn’t know there or his gay friend he stays with. If he was there he been up earlier because he complains there is no where to sleep there, they always fight and up all night he don’t get to sleep when he is there. She said she didn’t know what he was trying to be closer to.

I said his next fix because he is in to deep this time. In the 2 or 3 years I have known him I have never seen him this bad at all. The things he has said to her I am blown away. On top of all the other shit he is trying to pull. I said wow he never said that kind of shit to me or pulled that or tried to. He told her he hope she died or was dead today.

She said she was trying to get the title back still. She said it don’t run. I know she took the battery out and one of them did something else to it. I said if he didn’t give me the title it wouldn’t be running at all or anything going on with it. I said if it don’t run how is he going to get it? He don’t have money for a tow or anything? She said he was going to get his bosses trailer and truck.

I said when he does that he still wouldn’t get it. I would call the police on him as soon as he came around the corner tell them he has no licenses and driving a company truck. They will take him to jail and deal with his boss or impound the truck and trailer.

Like I told her he isn’t going to do anything he threatens because he don’t want any dealings at all with the cops. He has nothing and has more to lose than the rest of us because he don’t want to go to jail. We have more on him than he could ever have on any of us. So he can talk all he wants he is all talk no action. He is to scared to get into a confrontation with anyone as well. This is why he don’t want her there when he gets his stuff.

I told her it would not be a surprise at all to hear something happen to him or he overdosed.

Most the time this all blows up he leaves with mommy they enable him bandage it up and life goes on. But he didn’t even stay at his moms more than a day or so and come back down here. Normally it’s months before he comes back around. It is sad but that is what it does to you.

{July 29, 2019}   Back To Mommy’s House

So Bff called me last night and said that Sleeping Beauty had been there with his mommy and they had gotten into it. She said she heard his mom say what did you not pay rent again? He told her he had paid rent and she was crazy and this that and the other like he does.

She said she was saying things and he was trying to close the door and telling her to hush and not tell his mother that. Shhe said she told him no she needed to know. He hurried up and got the he’ll out of there. He took the title to the muddy truck she bought. Told her he would go back today to get his stuff why she was at work. That if she changed the locks he could kick the door in and come in. If she messed with his stuff then he would have her arrested. I said nope can’t have you arrested and he don’t want that close of interaction with the police he isn’t calling them on anyone.

She posted something on line about friends and family who you can trust seeing people’s true colors and things. Everyone commented on it. I did was nice told her she knew who cared about her that we were all watching out for her and the kids and things. Everyone was.

Well Sleeping Beauty commented and said wow all you people are all fucked up and she needs help. Oh wrong thing to say. I commented and a friend commented. I said to her well this is the problem he uses this that and the other and put it all out there how he has nothing but talks about everyone uses everyone and wants to give advice on kids and dont support see or have anything to do with his own. Me and her are single moms have house vehicles jobs and all that he has nothing and a grown man with no one to pay for or worry about but does this to people.

He uncle liked my comments and said Sleeping Beauty is pretty funny messing with family and right here in our town and going to run his mouth. He better watch out.

I was surprised Sleeping Beauty never said anything else.

Bff messaged me today said he told her he just wanted her to know he didn’t go to work today he was home. He been up sick all night over all this and in out of the bathroom all night over it all.

I said yep withdrawal does that to you and stress from knowing everyone is against you and mad watching for you because of the way you have done people.

I told her she better not let him come back or feel sorry for him either. She said oh no he was out not coming back. I told her I think he is in worse than ever. I don’t think it is going to get better. This just put the bandaid back on it for a bit. He is to close to it all and its to in his face he dont want to get another job he won’t ever be out of it. He needs somewhere to go away from it all. She said she told his mom he needed help. That something bad was going to happen to him if he didn’t get it. He was telling her shut up dont say that dont tell her that.

I told her he has his issues he is dealing with until be seeks help and deals with them right he wont do anything but get worse. He needs to deal with his mental health problems.

A while back I wrote Sometimes You Just Want To Shake Somebody talking about Bff and this mess with Sleeping Beauty.

I hadn’t seen or talked to her in while and she called me last Sunday and then wanted to go out this past Wednesday. We didn’t talk much Sunday she was on her way out of town to her uncles funereal. Wednesday night was when she ended up taking everyone with her and I didn’t go.

She called me Saturday right after me and the kids got home from shopping and dinner. She wanted to know if I wanted to go to Apple-bee’s with her for a little bit. I told her I would go with her but that I wasn’t eating I had just got done eating and was full. She said she was just going for an hour or so. She came and picked me up and we went.

She started talking about Sleeping Beauty and how things were and things he was doing. She said Wednesday when she asked me to go that he was laying down the kids were in bed already. She said she told him she was leaving and where she was going and that she was going to get in the shower. He said something loud enough for everyone to hear. She said then when she got out of the shower they were all up and sitting on the couch ready waiting for her. She said she told them she just wanted to go alone and things. They started. She said even after I said I wasn’t going they still ended up going. She yelled at him because it ended up costing her over $30 when if it had just been me and her it would of cost her $5 to $8.

She said he is supposed to make her car payment that is his “rent” I started to say something and she said but I’m not holding my breath that he is going to do it. I and that he hasn’t been home since the night before. I said yep not surprising. She said something about her mom saying something about him being there and the way things are. She was going to say something if he did something or didn’t do something.

Later we were talking and she said something about counseling and things. She said her youngest daughter who is like 12 talks about him when she goes all the time and things. Says that she wants him to go with her next time and that they are letting her bring him and wants her to. Said she talks about her like trash there and things. I said there is no way in hell I would let him go and start that. They take the kids back by their self and he would go back and her not there. I said I do not trust him at all not to say something just to try and start shit or cause problems and when they see and meet him they are not stupid they are going to see what he is all about and what he is and that could start problems for you as well. She said she didn’t know what she was going to do she didn’t tell them they could or couldn’t go. I really don’t think he will go because he knows they aren’t stupid and will have him figured out. I also feel that if he does go it isn’t going to be good.

Something was said about them going to the woods and all this. I said yeah and you went and bought him a car or toy to take out there. What were you thinking? She said I know then said it isn’t his, then I got to find the title. I said where is it? She said she didn’t know he had it, it was there somewhere. I said you are not going to get that back from him. He has that hidden, he is going to take it with him when you put him out or he decides to leave.

She was saying how she isn’t happy, how it is like having old boss there and how he talks to her, acts and treats her, how she don’t like being there and is shutting down. I told her get him out, put him out, your have done nothing but take care of him all this time for what reason, none. He isn’t going to make your truck payment and he isn’t going to go on his own because he has it made there. he isn’t there for any good or right reason. This was all a game and to get back at old boss from the start. She said something about her kids and things. I said yeah I know and it isn’t good and should of never happen this is all why I told you from the start don’t do it, don’t do it just leave him alone and don’t do it he is just what everyone said about him is true. I said and all the more reason you need to get him out the sooner the better. Kids are all involved and everything and the longer you wait the worse it is going to be. I know she keeps saying.

She says I can see so much and understand so much of the things you have said and done and why you said and done things and why you still do the things you do and how you do them. She said I never got it, I could never figure it out before. She said I’m living it and now I see.

He kept coming up when we were talking and things I would just say yep that is what a habit gets you. That’s what happens when you snort so much of that shit. She said something at one point about she figured out what was wrong with him he was sick. I said no he is’t sick. I said he can say what he wants make excuse after excuse and you can make all the excuses that you want for him. But the fact of the matter is just about anything and everything that he wants to complain about and say is wrong with him or he is having problems with can all be traced right back to his problem. I said and it is no one fault but his own that he is that way. She said something about him being sick and not left the house for two weeks. I said withdraw will do all that and if he really hadn’t left the house and hadn’t had money it probably was because he just been MIA for days and going out all most everyday before that for the last month or so. She kept saying he could be a good person. I said yes he could be but he isn’t and he don’t want to be. He wants a free ride and to keep doing what he has been doing all this time. She said he needs to grow up or something like that and stop be responsible. I said he is over 45 years old he is not going to, he has had more than enough time and more than enough chances and help. He just uses everyone and keeps going. I said I think he is to a point that he is to far. Something bad is going to happen or he is going to just be this way from now on. No one else in the house has been sick he been so violently sick and just wanting to do nothing but sleep if he isn’t and he been all nasty and snappy with them. Withdraw all around.

He messaged her when we were there wanting to know where she was and what she was doing. Then saying something to her about not being home with the kids and things.

I don’t know what she is going to do, but I am glad her mom is seeing what is going on and how he is too now and is saying something. She said her aunt keeps saying things to her as well about it. I forgot they work together two nights a week so even if we don’t go out she still see’s her and says stuff. She is like me and will tell her it isn’t right and she needs to get him out and this is his problem and the drugs and things.

I hope to get to go out with her this week or to breakfast one day this week. I don’t know if she will or not. He keeps her isolated. She told me she not been talking or seeing anyone or talking to anyone hardly and how he starts when she does. She dont’ see it she is use to it she grew up this way. but she still knows it isn’t right.

{May 6, 2019}   Looking Healthy and Drugs

Last night me and the girls took a cab to the store to make sure they had what they needed for the week. Then took one home.

On the way home my Good Friend messaged me and said something about being on the phone and fighting with someone on the phone. Always on it fighting with someone I think he said. I asked what he was talking about? I didn’t see him he said he just walked by me at the store I was on the phone looked mad. I said I was just in a mood and not fighting on the phone.

He replied your always in a bad mood or something like that. I said no not really, I been doing really good for a long time until the last week here. We started talking about the truck and everything why it isn’t done it is only a 30 min job and all that.

Then he says where did half of you go? I was confused at first because we were talking about the truck and everything. I ask what he was talking about because I also kind of took it a different way with what all we were talking about between moods and the truck.

He said you have lost a lot of weight.

I told him eating a lot less, cutting out all Cole’s long time ago, cut out tea.

Then he says you look Healthy, no drugs?

I put in capital letters really? No!!

He says I just had to ask you know enough people on them. I said as does most everyone around here we are in X county.

I can not believe that he asked me that or even felt he needed to ask. But then again I guess maybe because there are some I thought no never who can’t stop now. It is sad but seems to be the norm around here at some point or time in your life.

Then he said he is going to need new pictures. Like he has any now other than ones I have posted and put on line that everyone has seen.

I went to secret conversation since we were on messenger and I edited one picture I had good and sent it to him so it would delet in like 10 seconds. Why I was trying to send it he was all why secret and what so…I sent that. He said I need to see that again do you have more? He says I am guessing your more comfortable with your appearance? I just said yeah wasn’t getting all into it with him right then.

Then he said you never answered my question? I didn’t see one so I asked what? He said you never talk to me anymore why? I said well you don’t talk to me either and I figured you were pissed off at me. He said no not at all. We talked a little more he had to go. He wanted catch an hour nap before work.

I was glad he messaged and we talked I miss talking to him and glad he didn’t stop me at the store. I was fighting tears then and just wanted to get home. Had he come over talked to me and hugged me I would of lost it. I always do with him.

{April 3, 2019}   To Scared To Be Alone

I was talking to Bff after she got off work a little bit ago and she said she had heard from Sleeping Beauty again and he was working. I guess since he couldn’t get in or a ride home. That he is so tired and he is hungry. So she is taking him lunch. Said she called him he told her he was driving he would message her when he stopped.

I said um wait a minute he is working, he is out driving around in the company truck, so he is passing by stores and places to get something to eat. Why are you driving across town to take him lunch? He takes the truck anywhere he wants to go even the car lot where I worked knowing his boss and them don’t get a long or he isn’t supposed to be there for whatever reason when he is on the clock and in the company truck. But he can’t stop at the little store the fast food place or something and get something to eat. I call bullshit.

She said probably because he don’t have no money to get anything. I gave him money the other day. I said wait, wait a minute what are you talking about you gave him money? She said so he had money for lunch and drinks. I said why? She said I don’t know he didn’t have any. I said he gets paid Friday for one job and he gets paid Monday or Tuesday for the other. You are telling me you gave him money on Monday or Tuesday is when you gave him money. Where was his? Hum I don’t know she says. I said again why are you giving him money anyway? He isn’t paying you to be there or anything. She said because I was stupid for a minute. I said yeah I would say so.

Buy then I started thinking what is he making and how much money has he had this month that he has been there? I said he is making at least $10 at the one job when he does that and I know he makes more at the other but…. She said he makes $15 when he does the houses. I said okay so he is working full time 40 or more hours a week making at least $10 an hour. I said he is “working late” all these nights here and there. So he is making more then.

I said lets do this, lets say he is working only 35 hours a week just to make it easy and that he is only making the $10 an hour. So that would be $350 a week. That would be $1400 a month and they are not taking taxes out. So he has had $1400 since he has been at your house. He says he gave his mom $200 to get his brother out of jail. She said he spent $78 taking them all to dinner the other night. He spent $20 the day we went out. oh he spent more he bought some things at the other store too probably $50 or so I forgot about.  I said okay lets say he has spent $500 this month why he was there. That leaves him with $900 for the month he should still have in his pocket right now. I said even if he spent $100 or two more even. Keep in mind we are already undercut what he made by a lot since we didn’t account for $15 an hour when he works doing houses instead of the lot and we only figured him at 35 hours a week not 40. But just working with the numbers we are using that leaves $225 a week in his pocket. Where is that $225 right now for this week? Where is that $900 that he should have from the rest of the month? Then I hear her and she is thinking. She is like I don’t know. I said I do I think it is right up his nose. That is why you have seen such a change in him and the way he acts and doing. She said it isn’t even like I know him anymore. I said yep that is how it is. I said $225 is a lot and really he is doing more than $225 worth in a week that is worse. I said what are you going to do when he don’t get up one morning or from his nap and you go to wake him up and he don’t get up? Or worse what if one of your kids go in there and can’t get him up? Then what? She didn’t say anything trying to change the subject.

Then she tells me that her friend was on her about getting him out of there. She said you know who is all over me about having him here? She told me. Said he was telling her what are you doing why is here there what are you thinking you need to get him out of there and away from your kids. Said he told her this isn’t the her he knows and that if they were somewhere and someone was just smoking pot she had a fit and things. I said um hum thank you all the same I have been saying to you. He telling her it is going to get bad and that she needs to get him out before something happens that she don’t know what she is setting herself up for with having him there and everything he is doing and everything she is going through and dealing with. I said hello and why aren’t you listening I’m not the only one telling you.

She said she was talking to Sleeping Beauty the other day and something was said he said you’er listening to everyone else aren’t you. Then today he said something about her talking to me and ask her if I was there last night I guess when she was talking to him and things. She said no why. He said because something she said and then he got a message from me. I sent this picture to him an inside joke between us. He never replied.

She says I wonder why he don’t like us talking? Because he always made comments about us talking when he was at my house too. I said because like you said because like you said, he knows your naive and sheltered and he knows he can slide things by you and things. He knows I’m not that easy to slide things by and that if you say something or tell me something I’m going to be like but wait this or that. Like I have been.

I honestly think that she is scared to be there alone. She is the one that won’t go anywhere at night if she does she has me or someone on the phone with her the whole time driving there back and everything. She just don’t want to be alone over all. She has never been alone. She has been with her husband since she was 15. She has never been on her own and out on her own or done anything on her own. She is doing pretty good taking care of things but to be there all the time with the kids and no having anyone I think scares her. She has already been telling me how they have been with everything going on and how she don’t want to deal with it and things. Sleeping Beauty making comments and saying things to her about not dealing with things and not handling things she needs to or how she should and letting things go or not doing anything about stuff because she don’t want to deal with it. He is right there and me and her have talked about it before. She is seeing now that things she has done with them growing up has come back to  bit her in the ass now and she says you always said and now look. I said but you can still fix it but you have to put your foot down and fix it now keep letting it go or keep giving in because you can’t deal with this or that they do. If they do this or that that just mean that they now have to do something else on top of whatever they are already doing because they are keeping on.

He is helping her, like he helped when he first came to my house with the kids and things. But he has started some problems with the kids now too and they go back and forth on rather they like him or not, like a few of mine did. But he is stressing her the hell out and the not paying when he is making the money and watching her trying to work it all out and then to say he will start paying once she gets old boss out of the house and he can’t come back there anymore. I said wait where does he get off telling you when he will start paying you wen he is staying with you in your house? I said he should be helping from the start, if he had went down the street to friends house he would be paying all this time what is the difference? I said he didn’t pay the one week or so he was at my house because he wasn’t working then he started paying me when he started working until that week he left he left then without paying me. I said so what he is saying is he is going to take a free ride on you because if he paid you and you had the money he is sending you then you could be saving money and have money to do more with. I said it is non of his business if you let him come back when you tell him it is over he isn’t coming back or can’t come back or anything like that. That is between the two of you. I said it sure the hell isn’t his place to move into your house and tell you he will start paying you when he is ready and how things have to be before he starts paying you. She was like I don’t know it’s just what he said. I said and you are going along with it and letting him. That is why he is doing what he is doing and why he is acting the way he is. Because you let him and you don’t say anything. He made the comment to her that he isn’t going anywhere she told him today she thought he was going to pack his stuff and leave today when she was at work because of things that were said between them the last few days said he told her he already told her he wasn’t going anywhere.

I am with her other friend she needs to really think about what she is doing and how she goes about things. She is not thinking clear with everything going on and she is causing herself more problems than it is worth. All she has done today when I talk to her is bitch about him. I said if he is causing you this much stress why are you letting him stay? It isn’t hard tell him to leave. Why are you letting him stress you out so bad over shit he has no right to say anything about and no business getting into? Tell him this isn’t working you got to go. She says I know I know and I feel sorry for him. I said you can’t feel sorry for him. She said I want to see him do good and do better. I said yeah me too but he can’t treat people like this until he decides to and he may never decide to at this point. I said I know he wants better but he isn’t doing anything to have better.

I said he needs $7000 to get his drivers license back if he took that $900 and put toward that then he would only owe $6100 to get it back. But no where is it? No one knows he can’t tell you and won’t even talk about it if you point it out and ask. It would be a fight. She again I don’t know and all this. I said I do we all do you do too it’s up his nose. Again his not a problem is a problem when he is spending that kind of money on it and doing that much of it and he has nothing to show for it. Nothing at all to show for it. We aren’t talking $10, $50, $90 or even a couple $100 in a month to show for. We all spend money here and there and have nothing to show for it. But you don’t spend $900 or more a month and have nothing to show for it when you have no bills or anything else to account for paying either.

Something else he said really pissed me off I said WTF are you talking about I said now I am ready to come throw him out and kick your ass too. She said oh well then. I said no really because now this is really not right that is messed up and this is not right I am not the only one telling you that, others are telling you that and this isn’t like you. I said others are coming up and telling you what he is doing and just like before they are right. I said when he came to my house I wasn’t sure what to believe or who to believe because I didn’t know any of them very well, they were all at each others throat and talking shit about what the other one was doing. But then it all came to light and we figured out that they weren’t lying about everything. They were right he was doing this. When I found out and figured it out I went straight and confronted him and that is when he decided to leave.

She said he was telling her different things and just being nasty or mean. I said yeah he didn’t get that way with me until after he had left. But he knew I wasn’t going to let that kind of shit fly I would say something right there when he said something. When he got mad at me and started calling me bitch this and i said shut up and I said this and do this and don’t do that you need to stop and things. Was when I sent him all the messages after he left the way he did. I said well I had something to say and since you want to run from your problems like you do I am going to have my say. You had yours so now I am having mine. That is the only time he has ever really gotten nasty with me. It was both of us because I should of left him alone but he should of sat down and had a conversation with me not done the things he did the way he did.

I am with her friend the way he is doing and what he is on he shouldn’t be there like I been telling her. I bet her friend don’t know how much he is really doing either or I bet he would really be on her ass way more than he is now. He is like me help someone but don’t be stupid. She is being stupid right now. I am going to talk to her tonight we are all going out. I am going to tell her look we got to talk you got to stop and think about what you are doing. Try make her see this is not a good situation

{April 3, 2019}   Starting To See

So Bff is starting to see everything I said about Sleeping Beauty is true. He has been working “late” almost every night the last few weeks. Last night he told her at 10 something at night he was still working knowing she was waiting to pick him up. She told me when I got off he just told her he was still working. I told her then I bet you he isn’t. She waited until 12 something and messaged him again if he was off or what, to see about picking him up and he never responded. Not surprised at all. He probably passed out or just ignoring her thought it was funny.

We were talking about it last night and today. She said he has had an attitude lately and just being nasty or rude. I don’t know what you would say. Telling her what is wrong with her and how she does. Just like he would tell me and then tell her she is pushing everyone away when she said something about what his problem was and why was he pushing everyone away. Told her he wasn’t she was and the way she was or what she was doing.

She told me the other night that she woke him up and asked if so and so was his brother and he said yes. She told him he was in jail she seen where he got arrested. Then in a few days he told her that he gave his mom $200 to get his brother out of jail. I don’t know maybe he did but I find it hard to believe the way he talks about him and don’t want anything to do with him and his mom has money and works. I don’t see her asking him for $200 to get him out of jail. But okay maybe.

I told her he probably told her that so she wouldn’t ask him for money. That gave him and excuse for not having any since she knew he had gotten arrested. Like I told her he walked out owing me money, walked out owing his old roommate money and now will probably do it to her or making excuses to not give her money. She told him yesterday she wanted to talk to him then he didn’t come home. I said I bet it is a matter of time he is going to run down the street where he was supposed to move or have his mommy bring him run in pack his crap and go back up there. Because he don’t want to talk and now she is starting to question things or say things. I said he probably goes home just like when he left my house and told his mommy and them he gave me all his money and now I am throwing him out or fighting with him he needs to leave he has no money to give her. I said if she comes gets him from your house he will tell her he gave you all his money to stay there so he don’t have money to give her.

She said that she don’t know if he could go down the street or not because they started storing things in it because he hadn’t come down there. He said he hadn’t gone down there but once or twice because they hadn’t gotten everything out but it was enough he could stay in it. So who knows.

I said I wish I knew if and when he was leaving and if he was having him mommy come get him or bring him over there to get his stuff. She won’t come in she will wait in the car. Just like if you take him somewhere you don’t get out of the car you wait he goes in talks gets the paperwork or whatever and comes out. I said if that was the case she was coming or brought him and we knew it I would come there be sitting there when she came or they came up. When he came in to get his stuff me and you would go out and have a conversation with her.

I said we would go out and introduce ourselves. I said I would tell her look we just want you to know what is really going on and why he left my house and now why he is leaving here and the place where he was before my house and why he lost his job at the shop where we all worked. I am sure he is telling you like I have heard he has told all over town that I through him out, that I took all his money and all that. That is the forthest thing from the truth. I did nothing but try to help him, when he came to stay with me he wasn’t on his meds he was ready to go to the hospital he was so bad. He never was told he could even come to my house and stay. I told him if he wanted to he had to give me notice he just came over and never left. I let him stay and tried to help him. He did the same thing here he came here saying he was staying down the street then had an excuse why he couldn’t started staying didn’t leave. She let him stay trying to help him out but this is where they are now. This is why because his problem he has he thinks isn’t a problem. But it is he is using more and more and getting nasty and rude and walks around thinking everyone should just do or sit quitly and not speak just do for him. That isnt’ how it works. He says he wants to change he wants away from this he wants to hangout with people that are going to help keep him out of trouble, he wants the kids and the family, this and that. We have been here the last year and a half two years and he just goes in circles. Up and down up and down. We don’t hear from him for days, weeks, months then I get a text out of the blue saying he is done he is over life he wants to die he is going to do something to his self or whatever. I talk to him and there for him and then the next thing you know he is back into the shit you don’t hear from him again. So why he is telling you poor him everyone is picking on him or treating him this way or that a lot probably are but that isn’t the case here. We both have taken him bought him food gave him a place to stay helped him get to work and everything else. This is what he does. When you try to talk to him about it or what he shuts down and runs.

Then go from there. I don’t figure she is going to be so surprised and not really a lot she can do but she will at least know the truth of what is going on and what has happen the last few weeks since he left there and when he was at my house. Maybe just maybe she will talk to him and try to get him to get some help.

Like I told bff this morning he is on a slippery slop he keeps cycling like this and slides more and more into it each time. It isn’t going to be to long he is going to just keep sliding and not be able to turn around get out of it and he isn’t going to be functioning he is going to be full blown addict. She said something about it not being a problem. I said no it isn’t a problem for him in his eyes but it is because even though he is functioning he isn’t fully functioning. He has nothing to show for it, he don’t have money he don’t have anything. He is half functioning or partly functioning.

She says she knows he did work the other night late and how he came home smelling like he been working and things. Like I told her I am not saying he isn’t working late some nights but he isn’t working late every night and if he was working late why didn’t he say so last night the second time she messaged him instead of ignoring her. His phone isn’t dead because he got a hold of her this after noon. Wanting a ride and to know if he could get in at the house and things.

I told her even if he is working late some nights he is still doing more of it than he has been and he can do it and still work. She said he comes home goes to bed goes to sleep then gets up and in no time going to take a nap always tired. He jumped on her about the baby and that the baby needs to go home and things.

He needs to just get out of there and go down the street or back to his moms. He is going to cause her a lot of problems for nothing because it isn’t like he is going to stick around and help her and do the things he says. I want to say something to him but I’m not right now. She told him today he told her he hates his life or something about his life. She said as mad as you are at me or what you do have people that care and you need to stop. He told her he wasn’t mad at her that was about it. I don’t know, I told her we should just sit him down and talk to him tonight like we had planed to do before. Tonight is our night out so kids and things won’t be around. that is if he goes. I will be off early tonight I will be able to go tonight. I told her he will probably get up and walk away if she starts trying to talk to him. He probably will if we try tonight and will probably call someone to pick him up. Oh well he needs to stop. He needs to either decide this is it he wants help or he needs to just go way and leave everyone alone. Because everyone is over being treated like we are stupid and just there to do what he needs when he needs it. He needs to see that some people are truely not trying to use him or treat him like he says everyone does and that we do care and want to help but we can’t keep doing this with him and going in this circle. We care and we are here if he wants the help or needs the help but we can’t keep going down this rabbit hole with them and putting ourselves through it and the worrying.

{March 25, 2019}   Talked to Bff

I had an appointment this morning at 9 and got out of there just before 10. I made it to work just in time to open about 5 minutes early. I am normally here 10 to 15 minutes early. I just clock in whenever I get here and get ready.

Most the time I am talking to Bff when I get here and while I open and things, but this morning with getting out of there and having to get to work I didn’t call her. I figured she would call me and that she was just dropping him off at work. I had messages to listen to and phone calls to make. I take care of those as soon as I come in so that I don’t miss anything. Sometimes the guys will call in and leave me a message instead of calling or texting me to early in the mornings or the evenings. Just the other phone calls and all that we get. Then Pop’s came in and I talked to him and things.

In a little bit Bff messaged me said something about paying bills and things. About that time I knocked my drink over and spilled it. It had a lid but it still spilled and splashed all over. I cleaned that up and things and called her.

We started talking, I said something about yesterday and what was said and things. She said he got my phone and then he sent that and I told him no that isn’t right and don’t send stuff and took my phone back. She said I sat it down there and was shopping and you messaged again and he seen it and started to send you a message back. She said she told him no that was meant for her not him and that it was her phone not to be doing that to leave her phone alone. Said he said something about telling me something or messaging me back and pulled his phone out. She said but he walked off didn’t say anything else. She said he never told her what he said or anything like that. I read it to her and we were talking. I said yeah that was for you not that I care he seen it but there really isn’t anything he can say about it. She said no I told him that isn’t right. I said you know we talk and vent back and forth and things. No one was talking to him. I told her how he messaged me earlier that morning too. She didn’t know he had done that.

Then I asked her who said what about the drugs and things like that? How was I brought into it or what. I read her what he sent me when the other was said. She said no one. She said the kid that was staying with them before who asked the other day if he was clean when something was said about him going to hang out with him and Sleeping Beauty coming said something the other night. Sleeping Beauty was at her house and he stopped by and took her outside and was saying something to her about him and things. She said some how it came up later with Sleeping Beauty and she told him yeah a lot of people were telling her this and asking her this and things. She said but no names were ever brought up or what and it was left at that. I said well right there is the text he sent me about it. I said I really had not idea what he was talking about because I didn’t know if you said something about what we were talking about, if he talked to Mr. Auto he said something or someone from there or what. So I couldn’t really say anything to him about it until I figured out where he was coming from with it. I read her the text, I said right there he don’t say what are you talking about why are you talking shit saying this it isn’t true, I don’t do that or anything like that. Just about talking to people about his drug problem and it isn’t a problem. I said no one is going to say “it” isn’t a problem if they aren’t doing something like that. If your not doing something that could be a problem then you wouldn’t have to say it isn’t one. I said and the truck we past and he got all excited or what and was saying there is my uncle, that’s my uncle. I said that isn’t his uncle, that is his dealer. That is the one that was going to come kick my door in. I said that is the one that was at my house after that looking for him and trying to see if he was still at my house. I said not no uncle. They call him unc or something like that and he just calls him uncle. She said yeah he has a black brother and this and that and he knows a lot of people and things. She said everywhere we go he is talking to people and people are stopping him talking to him. I said yeah I know that is why.

I just called Bff and asked her again what that was all about and what was said. She says he called her outside and was talking to her and Sleeping Beauty asked her what that was all about. She said she told him everyone keeps asking if he is clean and things. She said she didn’t name any names and things but I don’t know.

Next time I see him he says something I tell him the truth everyone keeps coming to me and asking me as well.

Sleeping Beauty never showed on Sunday for dinner or to fix Bff’s headlight like he was supposed to. He was supposed to do it Friday and didn’t show, then Saturday and didn’t show. He worked late and then had to work Saturday and was supposed to come after that but he had to work and worked later and got in a fight with the boss and all this. Sunday he told her he was trying to get a ride home all day he couldn’t get a ride. Then he said his mom was in the hospital. He finally got a ride about 6 and was about half way home. She asked if he was coming and if he was moving down the street like he was supposed to. He told her yes but he had to go home wash clothes, pack, clean get a shower and all this. Give him time, he was getting aggravated with her I could tell by the way he was answering. So then she told him we were going to Apple bee’s with the kids. He said he thought we were cooking at home. She told him we did we were going later the kids could sing and things. He said okay he wanted to go and to save him some dinner. Well about 8 she tried to get a hold of him see if she could head that way to pick him up because he needed a ride he didn’t answer. We left around 9 something I said he will message in a bit I bet you and want you to pick him up. She said maybe he didn’t have service. I said nope it is ringing he has service he is just not answering. I said he will say he was sleeping he fell a sleep. I said I wouldn’t go do it tell him he knew he didn’t get back with you. He just ignoring you right now. Because we already had this discussion about his phone and when he is in his room no service it don’t even ring. When he was sleeping and I was trying to call him it wouldn’t go through he said no it don’t do anything when he is in there. Then he gets his text later the ones that end up coming through.

Well she had to pick her kid up from work we were meeting over there. I had one of her kid she had one of mine. I got there and got a table and everything and she calls and says he called and is ready to be picked up he fell a sleep blah blah. Was it okay for her to take mine with her to get him. I told her yes. So they got there like an hour after we did. We stayed for about an hour and a half and left it was midnight then.

They got there and sat down Bff sat across from me and he sat at the chair they put at the end of the table all the kids were sitting down on the other side beside each other. We were all joking around and talking. Different songs would come on and we would sit there and be singing along or what. The song picture came on and I was singing along he started singing along to it. That line about filling up on cocaine and whiskey came up and he s stop singing and said something about the two of them together and and made this face. Like you do when someone says something about something you have done it wasn’t a good experience. I didn’t say anything I just looked at Bff but she was doing something with one of the kids or the waitress she didn’t catch it. I wanted to say something but I didn’t.

Then in a minute it says wish I had a good women to miss me. Sleeping Beauty says, I wish I had a good women to miss me. I started to say no you don’t you just want one that will use you and don’t care that is what your use to. A good women scares you and you runaway. One of the kids or Bff said something and I was trying to listen to them. I thought what the hell was you about to say, to myself? If they had not said something I would of said it and it probably would of started something. I wasn’t going to say it nasty or what just sarcastic in a joking around matter but he probably would of still gotten mad.

et cetera
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