{March 18, 2019}   I Let go of The Baggage

I don’t know what happen that night we all drank (Moonshine Is Not My Friend) but it is like something just snapped in the three of us. Me and Bff probably more than her aunt I think.

Bff didn’t drink the moonshine she drank while we were out, she had I don’t know how many drinks and then some of a few others who gave her theirs. Then she stopped and didn’t drink anymore once we got to her friends house. Me and her aunt had one or two before we got there but then when she brought the moonshine out is when we really started drinking. We found out later the blue 140 proof one she brought back to bff’s house and was slipping and drinking it outside once we got back to Bff’s house and I got inside. She would go out to smoke and drink it. Why she was lit the next morning at 9 something in the morning. We couldn’t figure it out because no one seen her bring the jar home or drinking. Later bff found it and last week she told us she brought it done there in her purse and sat it outside on the deck when they were trying to bring me inside.

After that night I just felt different, a way I had really never felt before. I was hungover for like two days. It was Saturday before I felt I could even really think about eating a normal meal and function almost normally. But aside from that it was like something just changed or was different. Almost like everything I had been thinking about, bothered by and why I was drinking just disappeared. I guess maybe I just let it all go that night. That is it I just felt this huge release like everything that had been weighing me down, depressing me, holding me back or was in my way the last few years since RC, the divorce, my dad passing and all of it, I just let it all go that night. I haven’t picked it back up since then. I feel like a whole different person. I feel stronger and more empowered. I feel ready to really live my life and be happy.

As I write this and really think about it I owned a lot of shit that was not mine to own and to carry around. A lot of guilt for the way things are and a lot of guilt for the way my kids have been done by their dads. I felt it was my fault and I couldn’t fix it. All though I did leave father of the year, I left because of the abuse, and I tried my hardest for over a year to get him to see what was going on and what was going to happen. Although I left him and I asked for the divorce I did not do anything WRONG. I stood up for myself. I also did nothing wrong toward my children or cause anything that is or has happened with them. I have never told them they can not see or talk to their dad. I have never told him he can not see or talk to his children. I have always told him it was their relationship how they go about that is on them. HE is the one that chose to step out and not be a part of their lives. HE is the one that cut off contact and support. HE is the one missing out. HE is the only one that can decide to come back in the picture and try to make things right with them.

The same with RC. although we may have had our disagreements, our problems were no where near anything that we could not have worked out, learned from and grew from. HE decided to leave, HE decided to cut off contact, HE decided to not know his daughter. Again HE is the only one that can decide to come back around and build that relationship with her.

I CAN NOT CONTROL them and make them be the men they should be and I CAN NOT make them be the dads I so wish my children had and want.

I also CAN NOT carry around the burden of their wrong doings as my own. What they are doing is NOT MY FAULT, I DID NOTHING WRONG. All I done was get me and my kids out of a very abusive relationship that I should of never gotten myself into. Then I helped a man raise his children and find his daughter that he had no relationship with. I DID NOT ask to be ABUSED. I DID NOT stand in the way of a father and their child, like a lot of women would of done and are doing. I have had the best interested of all the children involved in mind from the start in both situations. Rather they were mine or otherwise. I know I am doing right by my children and all that were involved and that I continue to do right by mine and provide and there for mine that is all that matters at this point. As long as I carry around what they did o are doing and own their wrong doings I will always feel this doom or gloom and weight of the world on my shoulders.

I told Bff about a week after that something was different, something happen that night. She said YES she said you too? I feel so different since that night I don’t know what it is. She said she felt very angry after that night. Angry at herself. Then she was angry with different people she had been talking to. She started standing up to them and not backing down and telling them no they were wrong and this isn’t right. She started really standing up to old boss her hubby from the transmission shop. He started about somethings she did the last couple weeks and not telling him first or asking him what to do or if she could or if it was okay and things. She just told him look it’s not like that anymore and I am on my own and I have to decide things around here, I can’t call you every few minutes or be worried about what you like or what. This effects me and the kids your not here.

The other day we were talking about it and she said since that night I just don’t care what anyone thinks anymore, if they get mad or don’t like it or what. She said I’m just like fuck it, it’s my life and I am taking control of it. I am deciding what goes on and what I do and how things are done.

She said I think there was something shown or revealed to everyone that night. I said I don’t know but I know I loss a lot that night and I fucked up with Sleeping Beauty that night but, I gained so much that night, it took a bit to see it and figure it all out but I do now. As bad as that night seemed at first it really wasn’t.

{March 14, 2019}   What To Say or Do

Me and Bff talked this morning, Sleeping Beauty ended up staying at her house last night. She got pulled over on the way to see me at work last night waiting on me to get off. Her headlight was out. It is messed up and keeps coming lose and going out. I passed them and had to wait on them once I got off before they could pick me up.

We went out and then went to Wal Mart. He had said he had a friends house to stay at and was bringing clothes. I guess last night when we left the store she asked him where she was dropping him off and he said it was so late he guessed at home. She was scared to take him home with her light and it was so late she didn’t want to drive up there. She had one of the older kids friends staying over she told him she didn’t know if he was on the couch or in her sons room but he could sleep where ever he wasn’t. Her son in Mr. 8’s age he sleeps with her. So she said he slept in his room. She had to take him home to get clothes this morning because he forgot his bag of clothes.

I told her that was all bullshit. I said what he had on looked brand new and very clean. I said why didn’t he stay at the guy who was there with us’s house? That is where he stayed the night I was supposed to take him home and he decided to stay there instead so I didn’t have to drive him all that way that late. He sat there at the table last night talking to the guy and talking about being at his house just Friday or Saturday and staying there. He didn’t seem like he would of cared one bit if he had asked and stayed there last night. I told her the bag by his feet in her truck looked like the one that he had his clothes in before. It may have been his lunch bag from that day but I don’t think so. I asked her what her old man, old boss was going to say. She was like I know I don’t know blah blah. She knows like I do he is going to hit the fucking roof. He is going to go off. He had a fit about him and where he stayed the other week when we were all drinking. He swore he stayed there then and not down the street like she said and wanted to know where he slept and everything. She could of maybe got away without him knowing but she told the little kids he was there and sent him to wake him up. If she had just closed the door and kept them out of there took them to school then picked him up and took him home to shower and change clothes they would not have known she wouldn’t of had to tell him anything. Like I told her the other week he stayed down here for some reason had worked all day and went the next day in the same clothes because he couldn’t get home to change. So he could of went home with that guy or had her drop him off over there and went to work in the clothes that he was in. They were a lot better than what he was in the other day when he done it. But whatever that is hers to sort out and deal with. It better not get turned around to me he was her with me and something happen I didn’t take him or couldn’t take him home. If it does I am going to tell her and him both, this is not going to happen one of you need to tell him the truth about it or I am because I already get my ass jumped or chewed by you about telling people shit I haven’t but then you all can use me and say this to make things okay and not cause problems. We are all friends whatever but I am not doing this like this. Whatever you all are or are not doing I don’t care but I am not being used as the excuse for why he is around.

But anyway why he was inside taking a shower and getting changed me and her were talking on the phone. We were talking about him and what all went on last night and in the past and what is going on.

I told her look he is moving a few doors down from you, what if he gets in to something like before, they see him at your house all us hanging out? What might happen? I said and yes he is a decent person can be a decent person, great with the kids, fun to be around or what. But when it comes down to it he is no different than anyone else who is on something he should not be around the kids. If it was anyone else we would not have him around them or let them around them. I said not only that but even if nothing happens he is not stopping, he isn’t trying to stop, he just keeps going and right now it might be once a week, three times a week or whatever it is but it will just get worse and worse. He isn’t just doing it now and then and losing weight like that and looking like that. I pointed out how he is making x amount of money and told me he got a raise a few times. If he gives his mom this much for rent, this for gas, spends this on food he still should have this much for the month to do something with. He is making more than what I am figuring off of if he really got raises or he was really making what he told me.

I said he has nothing to show for anything. It isn’t like he has a car, he has fixed his license, he has his own place, computers, tv,s or money in the bank even. He has nothing at all to show for it. She told me he told her it would cost $7000 to get his license back. I said and he had been at his mom for just over 2 years. Even if he was only making $2000 a month and he gave his mom all that we figured he could still have $700 a month to save or do anything he wanted. If he owes $7000 he could pay $293 a month the last two years he has been there still have $400 a month to live on or buy things he needs and have his license back right now. And have some kind of decent or half way decent car or saving to buy something a little better.

We talked about how he looked at my house how he looked when he came back. She don’t remember how he looked when he came in after being at his mom’s for a while. I said you pointed it out to me. She said she don’t remember. I told her you know it isn’t fair to the kids either because what if something happens to him or he gets into shit and someone does something to him or he gets into it even more because he just seems to be going more and more into it. Then what do we say to them explain that to them. They don’t need to deal with it. I said I don’t know I don’t think he should be around them. I said if it was anyone else you be the first to say no this isn’t right they can’t be here and everything. We talked about everything that has happened and other have said. I said again it isn’t like everyone decides oh lets say this or that about so and so. I said we have been hearing it for months now. She started talking about her brother and things, he overdosed and died right before we stopped talking. Like a matter of few weeks. He died we were still talking a little and then by the time they did his celebration of life we weren’t.

I said I am not trying to say anything at all bad about him, or put him down or anything like that. I said if I didn’t have kids I wouldn’t have a house and all that to take care of and pay for on my own, I would have a roommate or two or rent a room. I said and everyone talks about him staying with his mom and them but she has been sick, her husband has he helps her and things. If it works for them and everyone is okay with it then what does it matter. Hell at least he cam trust them not worrying about what kind of roommate your getting or if they are going to pay rent or split or steal your stuff party all the time and things like that. But I just said to her if it is working so what not a big deal. But if you make what you say and your not spending it on a car, license or anything else to show for it then why don’t he have money in the bank to do something with? Why does he never have money when we go out and things? Even if it is just $5 or $10 like we have sometimes.

I said I know you want to see the good and believe the best of everyone, I know you do and I do too because we know it is there. We know how he is but the fact of the matter is he is a good person but he has a problem. I said he thinks he has us all fooled and ha ha they are so clueless and just love having me around and the kids do and they let me come around and hang out with them and blah blah. I said if it was anyone else what would he be saying or if it was one of us that was doing it and around our kids what would he be saying about us or think?

She just sounded like she had this wow moment she said your right I see it my brother went through this and back and forth on and off of it before he died and things. I see what your saying and talking about now. I never really thought about it or looked at it all together or that way. She was like this isn’t good. I said no it isn’t. She said something has to be said he has to stop something has to change. I said I know. But we have to really carefuller about how we go about it. I said I want to say something to his mom about it and feel her out see what she thinks about it all or has to say about it all. But I don’t know how she would respond to it but she has to know. I said but I don’t want to say anything with her sister the way she is. I don’t want to bother her. But thinking about it would it be better to say something to her now than after and then waiting for who knows how long before it is a good time to talk to her? I just don’t know. I said I don’t know if each of us should say something to him at different times about it just bring it up in conversation? Or if we should say something together? Or say something to his mom and all of us say something together to him or what. I said he is going to shut down and be combative I think. Not in a fight kind of way but in a I don’t have a problem I don’t know what your talking about or just not talk and leave.

I told her to we are all just enabling him by not saying anything and letting him do it and thinking we don’t know. I said then how are we going to feel if something happens to him? It is on all of us for not saying anything. I said I am not going to keep sitting back and not saying anything. She said yeah I never thought about that your right.

She said they were talking and she said she told him she knew what all their friend was doing and in to and to promise her he wouldn’t get into all that if he moved down there. He told her he wouldn’t. I said well it is sitting right with you because he already is. He isn’t getting mixed up in it with him he is already in it. I said and I don’t know what all friend is into but I am pretty sure that Sleeping Beauty told me that when the kid that was staying with her got in trouble for failing his drug test right before he came there he was with them down there they were staying down there. I am sure Sleeping Beauty told me he went and got it and brought it back there. He told me he didn’t do it then I don’t know we were just starting to talk and he was just starting to really talk to me and open up to me about things so I didn’t say much. At that point it wasn’t going to change anything or make or break anything. She said she thought the other guy that lies all the time was the one that went and got it. I said I think he was there and he is the one that took Sleeping Beauty but I am sure he is the one that brought it there.

I thought of it after we were home last night, I wish I had thought of it sitting there when they got up and went to the bathroom and sent her oldest boyfriend in the bathroom when they went. There is no doubt in my mind he would of walked in right as they were handing it off or doing it. He couldn’t have denied it then.

We are going to have to think about it and figure something out because maybe I am wrong but I think something needs said. We enable him by bringing him with us so he is here to meet this guy or these people to get it. If we aren’t buying his stuff when we go out using our gas to go get him and drop him off. He stays between this guys house and his dyke friend as he calls her, house. He been staying at them a lot lately from what I have heard from listening to him talk. He was at one’s house Friday and the other Saturday. because he was trying to decide with the guy last night if what day he was at his house and what day he was at the others. He stayed at the ones house the other week when we were “together” and I dropped him off at the other guys house when he hung out with us that first night back a month or two a go. He has told us about staying at their houses a lot lately when we been hanging out. He was with the one the other week when I asked him to talk to him and he asked me to take him home that night. That what happens the more he decides to or starts hanging out with them for whatever reason he gets into this.

I told her it is really sad because I know he wants more and to do more. He wants to get away from it. When he got shot back a year or so ago he said he was to old for this he had to quit doing this and all that. He said he wasn’t looking to get with anyone meet anyone or anything he was just going to work on himself. I thought GREAT, that is wonderful, finally maybe he will finally do it, this is his wake up call. He seem to be doing pretty good for a while. I didn’t see him a lot so I don’t know. But we were talking a lot and he would be at home. He sent me a few pictures here and there when we were talking about different things. I knew he was home and he wouldn’t be talking to me as much as he did if he wasn’t. He looked good in the pictures he sent so I thought okay he is doing better.

Then I started not hearing from him as much again and then not at all for a bit. Then people started coming to me asking me if I had seen him? How he was doing? If he was okay? If he was back on something again? Told how he was looking again.

Like I told Bff, I can understand where he is coming from, I can relate more than anyone really knows probably. I said because I he has really open up to me over the year and half or more that we have been talking. He has told me how he grew up, he has told me how his ex’s are and how they treated him. I said calling him this that and the other and saying things to him. I said just about how father of the Year use to treat me, call me cunt, whore, bitch, and everything else. Tell me I was like “all the rest” What and how I was all the time. I said that sticks with you after a while and I said not just one but more than one over and over is even worse.

I said back when all the things that happen the last few years and before that even, it was a daily fight for me not to drink. I said I wanted to drink I wanted to drink hard every single day for a long time. Not just drink but get drunk. I said it slowly got easier but still I would say a good 3 to 4 times a week to this day I want to drink. I said I know if I did it today then it would turn into two days a week and then 4 until it was everyday and it wouldn’t take long at all I would be bad. I know this. I said one reason I haven’t is because I haven’t had the money to drink like that and to drink what I drink. I said I have a few times over the years here and there like the other night. But I said if I did it as much as I wanted to I would be drinking all the time. Not drunk like the other night to the point of not knowing what is going on but drunk. I said besides not having money I also have my kids I have to be able to take care of. I said but it is hard, I said it is hard to not do it, I said you wake up a lone you go through your day alone, you deal with all the bullshit alone, you go to bed alone and all you do is think about all that is going on now, all that has happen, all that has been said and your there alone it must be true. I said I have one advantage I do have my kids that I have to take care of that helps keep me from drinking as well. But look who does he have he misses his kids hate he can’t see them wants that family and things. To know it is right there and he can’t have that. I can truly understand what he is dealing with and where he is coming from and how he got on it and does it. I don’t know how he want that rout or what but I understand why and how hard it must be now to get off of it once you been doing it for so long and the pain is still there. Honestly the last few weeks it has been one of them times I have been fighting not to drink. I said that is why I drank that night.

So I don’t know what we are going to do from here but something has to be said very soon because of the kids and things. I just really don’t know what to do how to handle it. I still feel that we should talk to his mom but I don’t know how that would turn out. I don’t want to run him off but I now he will probably stop coming around. I don’t want to push him that way even more. But how are we going to feel if we say nothing and something happens?

Sometimes I feel that I should just forget it and leave him alone. But we are friends and like Mr. Auto said that is your friend talk to them, help them, don’t watch something happen to him. But again you can’t help someone that isn’t open to help.

{February 28, 2019}   Moonshine Is Not My Friend

Last night was our night to go to Applebee’s but things didn’t go as planed. I got off my first job and called into my second job before that. I will explain more about that later. Since I wasn’t going to my second job I went and took the drive to pick up Sleeping Beauty.

We had all planed to go to get something to eat and then go to Applebee’s for a while. After I picked him up we went to Bff’s house to get her and help her with something quick. Why we were there getting ready to leave a friend of theirs came up. Sleeping Beauty use to stay with him and left because of everything going on. He is bad news, not someone he really needs to hanging out with. But anyway, we went out and was talking to him and he decides he wants to go that is fine but then he wants to go to the pool hall for a bit first. Okay fine we decide we will go there for a bit. Well Sleeping Beauty jumps in the truck and goes with him. Tells bff to ride with me and for us to go pick up her aunt. I was like just ride with me he wouldn’t. Then when we left the pool hall we went over to Applebee’s and this friend decides that he is ready to go right away and lets go back to his house and drink. We were all like no no lets just stay we are supposed to see if this guy shows up.

He gets up to go and Sleeping Beauty up and goes too. Now I am done. I am pissed he not said hardly two words to me since he showed up we played a game of pool that was it. I called him said something about he forgot to pay for his drink. He said something about not having it and shit. I said well I don’t know you need come take care of it and he said sorry we we are gone. I hung up and in a few minutes he text me and said you knew I didn’t have any money. I said what so I am your free ride? I shouldn’t of but I was upset. he said wtf you mean I told you I hadn’t seen him in a long time and hung out.

I said I come get you want to see you spend time with you and you practically ignore me. He said we are all talking and having fun. I said we have hardly seen each other hung out either. You couldn’t hand out he says and you jump. He is ready so everyone suppose to jump and go.

Then he says to me you need to calm down you are doing the same shit you did last time. I said last time? He said when we tried to date. I said I didn’t know we did. I sent him a voice clip because I was driving and I knew he would have to play it and everyone standing there. I said I don’t know what you mean about last time because we weren’t together and I told everyone that they were asking. Then in the end I got my ass chewed because I told everyone we were together. He didn’t respond to that at all.

Well then we were at this guys house the girls wanted to go over there I wanted to talk to him in person. He didn’t say two words to me hug me nothing. He wouldn’t even look at me hardly to start with. I just looked at him he knew I was pissed and right and I think he thought I was going to start shit right there. I didn’t, I don’t want everyone in it.

Well bff went to her house and got a jar of moonshine and they were passing it around. I said no because I needed to drive home I have never drank it and I wasn’t in the mood to drink at that point. I was ready to leave really. Bff’s aunt said just sip it try it. So I did it wasn’t good at all. They ended up going back to her house for something and bringing another jar back. She handed it to me and told me to try it. She said it was much better than the other. I tried it and it was good. They passed it back and forth a few times and then me and her started passing it between us and the rest were doing whatever. There was hardly anything gone out of the jar and I ended up drinking the whole jar. I was sitting there thinking about everything that was going on with me and him and that we are only a week in and is it worth it. I was thinking about my dad and this guy was talking about kids and being there for them and taking care of them and things. Sleeping beauty was talking about not getting to see his and how he wants to and they don’t want anything to do with him and things. I thinking about mine and how their dads are such assholes and won’t have anything to do with them and he is around the corner. I just drank it.

I have never in my life been so drunk I did not know what I was doing or what I did. Let me tell you don’t remember much of last night. They said I got mean and nasty with Sleeping Beauty and Bff. I was telling her aunt all kinds of things about my ex and the shit he use to do to me. I ended up puking over and over all of a sudden by where we were sitting. I guess everyone got up and ran. They said I was trying to stay the night with Sleeping Beauty and do things. He was telling me no he wasn’t doing that with me tonight I was drunk. She says while I was trying to get him to go in the house with me where he was going to stay someone said something about getting pregnant. As drunk as I was I told them hell no go get my purse I had something in there to keep that from happening. That should tell you how done I am that I really don’t want more kids.

Bff said she drove my truck around the block and to her house and I open the door because I was going to be sick and fell out. When we got to her house I was out sitting on the ground beside the truck with the door open leaning on it. They said the guy who’s house we were at came down and got me up and was trying to put me in the house. I guess I sat on the steps out front and sat there for like an hour. She said I was yelling at them not to touch me. I was texting Sleeping Beauty telling him to help me. He was telling me to go in the house. To let them help me. I told him I couldn’t move my body wouldn’t move. I couldn’t move, I wanted to and couldn’t. I guess once I got inside the fun continued for a bit. I woke up on a mattress in the kitchen wrapped in a blanket. Bff said she came in looked and my clothes were all around the mattress. She said she brought it out for me to sleep on she was worried I was going to get sick more so she stuck it there so she could clean it and not have it on her carpet. All I could do is laugh.

Never ever again will I ever drink that. I was feeling okay this morning she washed my clothes and I took a shower so I could come to work. Sleeping Beauty called her and ask her if she could run him to work about the time I got out of the shower. I told her tell him I was going right by there I would take him. He came down and sat while I was getting ready. We were all joking around with him.

We left I said what the hell did I do, he said it was bad. I said are you mad about me? He said no. I said yes you are, I just kept telling him I was sorry. He said your fine. I said no I feel so bad, I am so sorry. I stopped at the store and got a bottle of coffee I couldn’t even make my coffee this morning. I got a big bottle of water. I took him across the street to his job to drop him off. I told him come around to my side of the truck he did. He said I’m not kissing you, you something. I said what why? He said you got puke breath or mouth something like that. I said I have brushed my teeth washed my mouth out and everything else. He said oh no I don’t care it’s not been that long ago. I laughed. I said you don’t have to. I said are we alright? I said I’m sorry start over I’m really sorry. He said yeah gave me a hug and told me to get to work I was already late. I was because the truck wouldn’t start and we had to get it to start and then I still had to go to the store and drop him off. I was about 20 minutes late. Once we got the truck started and got going I had him message my boss just say the truck wouldn’t start I was on my way. They just said okay.

I guess while all this was going on my mother called had a fit I had to talk to her. They said I didn’t say anything bad. I have not been home since yesterday morning. Oldest had to take kids to school today. I feel horrible I never do shit like that not be there to take care of things like that.

{December 28, 2012}   Over Two Faced People and Drunks

Ex’s sister in law has been running her mouth and talking behind my back the last couple months. She has made the comment that she would take my daughter for a while if need be. But that she didn’t want the other two. Like I am going to split my kids up and send one states a way to live and take her out of her school and a way from her family. I am trying to find somewhere to stay now so they don’t have to leave their schools.

Well then ex’s dad lent him money to get a place he has to pay it back at tax time. When his sister in law found out she got all mad about it and started making comments and saying stuff. Well now they have been down and staying with his parents for the week and started more shit. He took the kids and went over for a couple hours on Christmas and his dad was making comments about us getting back together and his brother was saying something about it. I guess they didn’t like it that he wants too get back together. I don’t he does that is nothing new or different. Then his dad was saying something about the money and he wants him to bring it back until we get the place and all this that he is affraid we are going to lose it or it is going to get stolen. As if we don’t keep up with our money all the time and never have any problem with it getting stolen. I guess he told him he would bring it back Wednesday. I don’t know I wasn’t there he just told me he had to take it back and that they wanted them to come over and have dinner. They also said something about him using my truck and not having his phone on. Not my fault he hasn’t fixed his truck we haven’t had time with everything going on and not like we can run them both right now any way. Just more gas to run it all the way down to where we are staying to sit. Mine is bigger we have more room and it has the stuff we need in it. We figure we will get the other one going as soon as we get things settled and have time.

Well his sister in law texted my phone last night and wanted to know if they could see the kids because they were leaving this morning to go home. They weren’t supposed to leave for anther day or so. We were 50 miles a way looking at houses and filling out paper work on one then taking care of the dogs and things. We text back said we weren’t around we were up there and that we still had to get home. Then they wanted to know if they could take them out for ice cream. I text them back told them that we still had to get dinner and that the baby was sick and went to bed already. That if we had had more notice yesterday or something we could have set something up but it was late and not a good time. as far as they knew it was ex. I said he was wore out he been going to work at 4 am and then not getting home til 7 or 8 and trying to get a house and things. They send something back saying they were so sad to hear that and blah blah and then they said that he needed to call his dad that he was supposed to be there the night before and broken promises had caused a lot of hardship and pain bull shit. Said he would call and that we had turned in paper work in on a place and put money on it to hold it. Then they really got mad.

He called them when we got home and was sitting in the truck. His dad started that he was jerking him around and screwing him around and how he was supposed to bring the money back. He told him the agreement was he would give it back at tax time. He started that he needed to make sure we found the right house and all this this shit. By now I was beyond pissed. I said I don’t need anyone to tell me what house to rent my family has to live there. His dad sounded like he was about to blow I could hear him saying what did she say. Ex just said nothing or something he was saying she did what did she say I heard her I want to know what she said. So then they got into it more. He was having a fit on the phone he sounded like a 2 year old not getting what he wanted. I tried to take the phone because he started talking about me and what I was and ex wasn’t saying anything like always. I was mad so then I said more. He was saying he needed to control the money and that was it he didn’t care about the money and something and that was what he got out of it he didn’t have to have anything to do with him or the grand kids and me out of his life it was worth it and shit. I said non of them have to worry about ever seeing me or my kids because after today not one of them will see or speak to my kids again. He flipped over that after what he just said and that he couldn’t keep them from him and all this. Then he started telling him he would just go take the kids and he had the means to and all this. Like because he has money they are just going to hand my kids over to him or something.

I said tell him that won’t happen ever that if anyone got called and they said my kids had to be placed I have a family who they will go to before he ever sees them and that he still wouldn’t see them. That he needed to look it up and check into it that grandparents have no rights the only ones that have rights are the parents. No and he would fight it and if they had to be placed they are the ones they would place them with anyway and all this. I said nope because even if they did that they would ask me who I wanted them to go with because I am the mom and still have say in who has my kids. But they aren’t going to take my kids I already know. I have talked to a worker before and I have friends who do foster care they all know how it works. They worker told me if the rest of the parents they work with did half as much and cared half as much about their kids as I did they wouldn’t have jobs because they wouldn’t be needed.

Like I told my friend they may have money and they really don’t we all ready know they have said things to my ex and his grandma has told him. Money isn’t everything and just because I don’t have money don’t mean I don’t have people who know how it works and who will fight for me. It isn’t always about what you have as much as who you know and how you treat people. I don’t screw people over and start drama and I know all kinds of people who I get help and get along with very well. When you don’t cause problems and help it isn’t all about money. But like I said I am not worried about it he can’t do anything any way. He will spend a bunch of money just to find out he has no rights.

Like I told my friend and ex one lives states a way do they really think they are going to take my child split her up from her family and send her states a way when there are plenty of places right here that she can stay and plenty of people here willing to. Do they really think they are going to take them and give them to the drunk who lives maybe at the most 40 miles a way and only sees them if they are lucky 4 times a year and probably not even that? I don’t think so. I know they won’t.

They really need to think about almost 10 years ago when I first met my ex where he was what he had and who helped him and things when they wouldn’t even let him come home and stay a few days or a month to get back on his feet get a car or anything. He was making $60 a week if he was lucky paying $50 out for rent and had $10 left for food and gas. He was borrowing a friends car and trying to fix it all the time just to be able to get around.

We got together I took him to a friend who had a company got him a job making decent money working full time. I took my money from my job and bought us a truck and I went and found us a place to stay and let him stay with me at a friends house I was staying out until we got a place.

Just like now as of the first if I had not took him to my friends house, my sisters house and now my moms to stay when I move around he would not have any where to stay either. He would be staying on the floor in that cold empty house with no fridge stove or anything or in his car. When his car broke down my friends husband ordered him the starter because he could get it for way less than what he could get it for since he works for a shop and tow place. He wouldn’t have gotten the part to fix his car because he would be trying to save money to get a place or he would have had to take that chunk of money out to get it and been set back that much.  

Not one friend or family member of his that is around here has offered to let him stay with them for even a night. Or said hey you and the kids could stay here why you look for a place nothing. But then they want to talk about me. I have sold my truck and everything else for us to have money and the things we need. I have helped him with gas and food my friends and family have helped him. But then this is how they want to do and talk about me and do knowing my kids their grand kids are going to be in the street. I promise they won’t be seeing or talking to my kids again. They can sit back and say well we will see them when they are with their dad or what ever but they won’t. Because if he wants to keep seeing them he won’t take them places I don’t want them to be or around people I don’t want them around. He knows I won’t play games after someone does something like that.

et cetera
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