{November 26, 2012}   No Party For Me Today

Saturday was my mom’s 50th birthday so my sister decided to throw her a small surprise party at her house yesterday. She had asked me if ex would go pick up my grandma and grandpa as their truck needs something done to it and my grandpa hadn’t fixed it yet. He said sure he didn’t mind. Today we were all sitting here getting ready and I asked him to let the baby and my big girl ride with him. He said that would be fine. I knew the baby would want to go no matter what he always wants to go with daddy. My girl she is hit and miss but I wanted to stop at the store and didn’t want to deal with her at the store. She had just gotten in trouble for about the 100th time over some thing she had been told to put a way and wait on. I wasn’t taking her and letting her get what she wanted and I wasn’t going through the why she couldn’t take her money and get it since we were going. So I just told her to ride with him. My big boy doesn’t want to go most the time. He had wanted to get my mom something for her birthday so I was going to let him get her a little something.

We left not long after them and went around the corner from the house to the store. We walked around and looked for a few minutes. Then he picked out a nut cracker. We looked some more as I tried to get him to get something else. He was set she needed a nut cracker so I said ok. We were at the back of the store he was looking at little bags, I started to feel sick my head kind of hurt I just didn’t feel right all of a sudden. I told him to hurry let’s go home. I figured I would come home for a bit get a drink and then head to my sisters if I still didn’t feel good call ex to pick us up when he got back since we had plan to meet over there.

I made it to the front of the store and I got to where I couldn’t hear and everyone was spinning and going black. I just seen a woman I knew go by me. I turned and grabbed her cart and was trying to tell her I was sick a needed to sit down. She was trying to get someone else who worked there I just sat right there in the middle of the floor. I couldn’t see or hear my ears popped I felt like someone dropped me down a dark hole and I was falling blind to the bottom. I could faintly hear stuff around me and things but didn’t know what they were saying and stuff. In a minute or so I was alright. I still couldn’t hear right but I could see. I was still dizzy and light-headed. They had brought a chair over. I sat on that. My friend was asking if I wanted her to call my mom or who. My mom lives almost 50 miles a way. Some how we ended up with her on the phone anyway. I hung up and called a few people right next to me I know but they weren’t home. I had to call my friend ARH again. The one who always helps me. I heard her talking to someone she said she would be there in a few minutes. Her and her husband showed up. They had just got in the truck to go to the store across the street from where I was at. They took me to the ER. I remember telling them I just want to go to sleep I just feel so sleepy and I don’t feel right I don’t know how to explain it but I don’t feel right.

She walked me in and got me signed in and everything. She asked me if I wanted her to take Elisha with her why she did her shopping. She was going to go run get what she had to get and take her two girls and husband home then come back and sit with me. Because we had no car or anything I had to leave my truck sitting at the store when I left. I told her to just drop him off at my sisters around the corner because everyone was still going there for the party and she had to pass it when she left the hospital to go back to the store and home. She kept saying she would be back. I told her not to run all the way back down there my mom was on her way up and that everyone was going to be a few blocks a way if I needed anything I would get one of them. I hate for her to run all the way up there and sit all night when she has her kids and husband at home she needs to be doing for. She does so much for me. We made a deal I would check in with her every so often as they did things and let her know what was going on. I remember trying to read the paper and fill it out and things for them and it seemed like it was taking me forever. I skipped stuff I couldn’t figure out like the day and time and different stuff. i finally handed back to her and said give this to them I don’t know all this. They got me straight back I was surprised. The doctor came in right a way trying to check me out they two nurses one was a nurse he was getting a gown I don’t know what they other was or what he was doing. I think he was getting oxygen and heart test set up or something. The doctor said you have to get in a gown I can’t check you like this. I was going to put it on they just stood there he stood there holding it. He said just get undressed put it on the best you can in the bed we don’t want you up and we can’t leave you. I got my shirt and things off they let me keep my pants. They hooked me to all the wires and test.

They came in right a way and said they needed to do blood and a IV. Most the time thy do it all out of on thing. Not tonight. I don’t know what all they were doing to me but the lab woman said well this is a great vain for a IV I’m going to let you have it and get blood over there somewhere. The other woman finished and they traded sides. This other guy come in sticking stuff all under my gown and hooking me to more wires and doing some test why they did that. The woman did the IV and she got some of the blood they needed why she started that. Then why she was doing that and he was doing whatever he was doing the other stuck me and in the arm and got more blood. They had to put the IV in the hand. Sometime in all the confusion right after I got there and got into a gown ex and my baby boy showed up. So he was there why they were doing all this. By the time the circus had left the room my mom and her husband showed up. Then in just a minute they came in and said they were talking me to ultrasound I would be back in 20 or 30 minutes. I told my mom just to take my baby boy and go to my sisters with her and the other kids. She knew they were having cake but she didn’t know anyone else was there. I didn’t want everyone to be sitting there waiting on her and her sitting there with me. I didn’t want to tell her she needed to go because everyone was there. She said ok and took him and went.

We got back there to do the u/s and she looked around a little and then asked if I can tell what the baby is do you want to know? I said I really don’t know. She said think about it and let me know and went on doing the test. Little while later she said ok I know what your baby is if you decide what you want to do. She did some more stuff she needed to do then asked me if I would like to see it. So she showed me the head and face I could see its arm and spine. She showed me the brain the heart and kidney’s. She said that’s the babies legs it’s got long legs. I told her go ahead and tell me what I was having. I pretty much knew I wanted to see if I was right. The kids really wanted to know too. Plus I have a ton of little boy clothes here that I needed to do something with. Go through and keep what I wanted and drag around just in case or just skipping going through and dragging them around and give a way. She said everything looks great with the baby. I was happy to hear that and finally see it. She said she couldn’t tell about downs like I have wondered about that was blood work and things.

They took me back to the room and a woman came in and said she needed to pull more blood. She said the doctor wanted a blood Gas I think she called it. Instead of taking blood from the vain they take it straight out of the artery because it showed different stuff. She stuck me up by the bend of my arm in the fatty area and it hurt so bad. Then I thought she was done. She had pulled it out and said she couldn’t get it. They can’t see them or feel them like vanes before they stick you. they have to stick you and dig for them. She then stuck me in the wrist and finally got one and got what they needed.

Then the doctor came in and said that he wanted to talk to the techs about how far along I was and doing a CT scan on me. Then goes on to tell me that when I came in my oxygen level was really low and dropping out and that when they did these other test where they checked my states laying sitting and standing that they were dropping to low when I was up and moving around. That they are worried I may have a blood clot or clots in my lungs. He said clots are very common to form in pregnant women and that the legs and lungs are the main places and that if you get them in the lungs it would cause problems like I had. He talked it over with the tech and they went over my U/S and decided that the risk of not doing it out weighed the risk of doing it with me pregnant. They talk to me and asked if I wanted to have it done or not. By this point they got me worried and scarred. I went ahead and said yes because there really no other way to tell. They took me back put the dye in and did that test.

After and hour or so they came in and said that the lungs were very clear and that the other test showed everything was ok. They were not sure why it happen they only other thing they could figure was that I was dehydrated. I always am pregnant or not they always tell me I am dehydrated. I was in L&D twice a week with my middle getting bags of fluids all day and was still dehydrated most the time. But they wanted me to go to L&D so they could listen to the baby heart rate and things before I left. I waited and hour for them to move me from down stairs up there and there was nothing going on or either floor. Then they had to take me up front discharge me from ER and have me admit myself just to go upstairs. Then I get up there and they keep me maybe 45 minutes if that and sent me home. Most that time was the time it took to get me in the room moved to their bed hooked up try to draw blood again and then tell me I could go home. They listen to the baby maybe 5 minutes. I refused the blood work they stuck me once couldn’t get the blood they just wanted labs to have on record nothing to do with why i had come in or to check on anything to do with why I came in. I said nope that is 6 times now I have been stuck for blood you didn’t get it I am hungry I told you all I hadn’t eaten since 11 am it is after 8:30 pm I haven’t been allowed to drink and now you are telling me I am dehydrated more and that makes it harder to get blood I refuse I am going home so that I can get something to eat and drink. The lab woman said I understand I would have refused them all together because they are worthless they don’t even want you to stay for results or call for them they just want them on file. It isn’t your doctor ordering them this doctor don’t need them and your doctor will want to do their own. The nurse didn’t like it but what can they do. I was starting to get sick from not eating and drinking and them pulling all these blood test. Enough is enough already. I was done being lab rat for the day. I think everyone in the lab on two shifts got to poke me.
Needless to say by the time I got to my sisters everyone had went home. But my babies and my neace all made me cards and colored me pictures. They gave me flowers and a balloon when I got home.

{October 21, 2012}   Not As Bad As They Said

I went and seen my grandpa yesterday. What a trip that was. Listening to my dad and we got lost. Drove almost half way home before we got turned around and finally found it. What a mess that was I was ready to put him out and leave him. On the way home I just said ok and went what ever way I felt like going drove straight home. Thank God.

He seemed to be doing really good. A lot better than I expected from the way everyone was talking. He was sitting up talking and things. He has lost weight and things but he don’t seem like he is about to die. We talked a little but not a lot his brother was there from GA and they talked for a while. They all stayed the night I came home. I am going to go back up this weekend or next and take the kids up to see him. I wanted to this time but they were saying he was so bad and things I didn’t want to take them if he was. I figured he was pretty much out of it and wasn’t talking and things from what they said. I was glad to see he was doing so good. He did say when they called the ambulance he didn’t think he was going to make it he was really bad then and couldn’t breath hardly at all with all his stuff.

I told ex I think my aunt who lives with him is afraid something is going to happen to him and she don’t want to be there alone if or when it does. I think the other night when that happen scared her. Right after it happened my dad and my brother went up there and my dad stayed with her for a few days and everything was pretty much OK. As soon as he left and came home she was calling saying how bad he was and things and had my cousin her daughter rushing up there. I was going to go but we were all really sick so I couldn’t. She left Friday and came home and by yesterday morning she was calling again and saying how his heart rate was way up and they didn’t know what was going to happen and thins and had her rushing back up there. I went Because I wanted to see him and I feel bad he is so sick and I wanted to see for myself how he really was because it all just don’t seem right to me.

I am waiting now to see how long before she calls again last night his brother and his wife and my cosine and her husband all stayed up there. Now they all have left and went home again. I hate it because you don’t know when she calls if this is really it now or if she is just trying to get someone to come up there. I was a nerves mess trying to drive up there yesterday. I am not able to just drop everything and run up there when she calls and says this and he is ok. Then I look like I just don’t care or what. If it really is bad and things then yes I will do what I have to do to get there but I can’t just come to sit because she is scared. Her son was living with them and helping and things and she ran him off. It is her fault she is there alone. If they were close I wouldn’t mind going over there every day or every few days or what ever. I do have free time I just don’t have free time and gas to drive 100 or more miles like that. Her and my grandpa are the ones who decided to move so far a way from every one. But my grandpa has always lived where ever and all over. He was going to move here closer to everyone a few years back when he was getting sick and things she talked him in to moving next to her. If he was here we could help more and there would be more of us to help him.

{June 26, 2012}   Poor Baby Boy

My poor baby boy got on the top bunk and fell off face first into the tile floor. My poor big boy was so scared and upset. He came and said mommy baby is on the top bump. I said ok and finished washing my hands and turned to go get him. About the time I turned around to head to the other room I heard him fall and hit the ground. Then I heard him crying as I ran in there to get him. He was standing up choking a little and crying. His nose was read his check was red. I was trying to see in his mouth to see if it was ok. The corner of his nose bruased right a way. I tried to call RC and couldn’t get my phone to work. I went outside to see if the lady next to me was home still her and another friend of ours had just left. I wanted someone to help me hold him and check him out. I called and called RC and it keep going to voice mail. Finally after like 5 times he answered I told him he fell off the top bunk and hit his face. He was here in just a few minutes. Why I finally got him to stop crying hysterical and was able to check him out more. He had a big bump and scratch on his forehead too. It was bleeding but not bad. He just laid there and whined he wouldn’t move. Most the time he falls he will cry a minute and go on. After about 5 minutes he still wouldn’t do anything but whine and sniffle. He had a little bit of bloody snots come out of his nose. RC got here about that time looked at him and said we are going to the hospital. He went and pulled the car around to the back door since we were sitting right there. We didn’t want to move him around a lot.

I was scared on the way to the hospital I noticed his eye brow and eye lid was kind of swollen too and he would just stare off and didn’t really look when we would talk to him.  We got to the hospital and RC carried him in and I went in there was people standing around in front of us talking they were walking in as we were. I went around there an grabbed a clip board and started filling it out. As soon as the guy seen RC walk around with him he said you don’t have to fill that out whats his name and bday come this way and took us right back.

They came in checked him out said that the lump on the outside of the head forming was a good sign and that his nose and mouth looked ok. But they did a CT scan anyway since it was from so high and onto such a hard floor. It came back they said there was no bleeding on the brain or in the head and that there was no fractures and let us go home.

He didn’t learn anything from it before we went to bed he went back in there and got right back up on the top bunk. He keeps trying to get in there today. I have to get locks to put up high on the doors because he can unlock them from the outside.

My poor big boy he was saying I’m sorry mommy it’s my fault I should have told you sooner. He told me in time he didn’t fall until after he told me. He wouldn’t leave the hospital when we got there. RC was going to bring  him home because he knows it is hard for him to sit there. He wouldn’t go. Then when they took him for the CT scan the had to stay in the room. When we got back to the room they weren’t there. I text RC told him we were back he said they were at home. He said my big boy started freaking out because they wouldn’t let him go so he got him to go outside and go home. When they let us go home we were getting in the car my big boy said I was so scared I thought he was going to die. I felt so bad for him. He is very close to his baby brother.

et cetera
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