{November 27, 2019}   I Find It Funny

How do guys meet you and think it’s great that you “aren’t like the rest” But then try their damnedest to get you to screw around with them, or “help” them out.

It’s like okay are you not listening? Do you know how stupid you sound and look? Do I look desperate to you? What is it that makes you think that your so great or special that we just met, started talking or been talking and I am going to just say oh what the hell and do it? Especially when we aren’t even talking a relationship or interested in one. They say they just want to see where it goes, just want to be friends, not looking for a relationship. You tell them what your looking for and they still think your just going to make an expression or change your mind for them.

I know it’s the sliver of hope they have and it’s the fun of trying. But dang, I think I would get tired of trying and feel like an idiot for trying after a while. It never crosses my mind to even keep trying if I know someone really isn’t interested. I guess that’s why guys and women are so different.

As bad as the other one telling me you really aren’t like the rest. But you just don’t get how this works. You need to………….

Yes I know how it works and I have no desire to play that game. I have no need to.

{November 22, 2019}   Not Desperate, But Pissed Off

One night last week I was talking to the driver from work that talks to me now and then on my drive home from work. He still makes comments about hooking up and things all the time. I tell him he needs to go over to such and such street he can find someone who will help him. He says he isn’t looking for something like that and how gross it is or what.

Then he says so hypothetically if you were to charge for it how much would you charge. I said I’m to expensive for what your looking for. I laughed and so no really I have no idea because I have never been that desperate. I have always been able to get up get the money and make something happen. Figure out how to take care of things.

I said people who do that are people who don’t want to put in the work to make the money or just looking for quick easy money. They have no interest in trying to make something happen or figure out other ways.

At the same time I was messaging my friend about something my car had done that night when I got in to leave work.  He messaged me back and we were messaging back and forth when it hit me.

The proposition  I made my good friend, when everything happen with the new truck I bought. I haven’t been that desperate but I have been that pissed off. Over being lied to, taken advantage of and the $4000 I just gave him for the truck.

Still that isn’t something I would of said to just any o body like this guy from work or what.





{April 11, 2019}   Wow Post 3

I think this is the biggest wow post yet. I was surprised it was even said to me.

Bff called me earlier and was talking to me and we were talking about last night and everything going on. She said they went outside because she was telling him that he was talking about his background and drugs and all that. I told her I was questioned last night why they were outside. About what and what her oldest said to me.

I said to her what are you doing? she said I don’t know. Living on the edge I guess. I said why are you doing this? She said I don’t know I don’t know why. I said because you don’t want to be alone, you don’t want to be there by yourself. Didn’t really say anything just I don’t know or something. I said but your going about this all wrong. She said I don’t know what to do or how this happen.

I said why is here there anyway? She said what I said why is he staying at your house anyway? How did that happen. She said I was just trying to help him out. I said how? She said he needed a place to stay he is just a friend. I said no he didn’t. She said what? I said he did not need a place to stay. He had a places to stay. She said no he didn’t. I said he was at his moms and he was supposed to stay down the street in the camper at his friends house. I said that was were he was supposed to go when he came up there. So he had a place to stay. She sounded like she didn’t know what to say, she said I don’t know, I don’t know how this happen or why he is here.

I was surprised, shocked that she said he didn’t have a place to stay she was helping him. She knows I know better than that. Yeah he got thrown out of his moms but he already was lined up to move down the street. He had been planing on moving down there before he ever got thrown out at his moms so he had a place to stay. He made that plan when we all went out the 27th of February.

Then she tells me how he isn’t there, she says she gave him $10 this morning because she thought he was going to work but that he got called out the rest of the week. He hasn’t worked all week so far. She don’t know where he went or with who. She said she asked him if he was going to be there with the kids this afternoon/evening because she had to go back to work. He told her he didn’t know when he would be home.

I said interesting, all of a sudden he has a few dollars and he disappears, can’t say where he is, when he is going to be back or what he is doing or with who? Hum, he left over the weekend he told you where he was going and with who and all that then called you to come get him. Funny he don’t want anyone to know anything now. I said I was thinking it been a little while since he had gotten anything how was he doing without it. She didn’t say anything.

I said why are you paying everything for him everywhere and everything and giving him money? She said he hadn’t gotten his second check yet or something. I said oh he has another check coming? For working on the houses. She said I don’t know what he has or what. I think he had another check there somewhere. I said then why hasn’t he went and gotten it? She said I don’t know I think he has one I don’t know what he has. I said so no ones home he has an excuse to get someone to pick him up he is going to go get that check. She said what? I said yeah that is why he dont’ want no one to know who he is with what he is doing. He going to go get that check and get his fix. You have been home yall have been to the bank out to eat and all over the place and oldest has been home and could take him to get it he hasn’t asked you too but lets you spend and pay for everything for him. But as soon as there is no one there to take him anywhere he disappears.

Earlier when she was saying she didn’t know how or why it happen. I said I did and she didn’t want to be there alone and I said he just looking for a free place to stay and someone to pay for whatever he can get them to pay for. I said your doing it. She bought him two or three drinks or more last night they been out to dinner earlier that night she bought 3 or 4 there. He is drinking a lot lately. Maybe because he isn’t getting the other I don’t know. She again just kept saying I don’t know I just don’t know.

{February 18, 2019}   All By Myself

For weeks I have been planning to go to the Colt Ford concert, Bff said she was going and Sleeping Beauty said he wanted to go. Me and him were talking about it before Bff ever said she wanted to go. Then her sister and her husband were going to go and aunt and my friend that does my hair. The one that went with me and oldest to a concert last year. So it was just going to be a big group of us an adult night out having a good time.

Well I didn’t think bff was going to come she always backs out. But then when her sister was coming I figured she would. Sleeping Beauty I wasn’t sure I was back and forth with. But he seem to really want to go and asked me about it first.

Well I talk to sleeping beauty at 9 Thursday night and I just knew he wasn’t going to go. He never said he wasn’t but I just knew. Sure enough never heard from saturday, message and called nothing.

Then bff said oh they weren’t going. I think her sister didn’t like I was going she don’t like me. On top of that bff’s husband told her she could not go and started a fight. She says oh they aren’t together she has him out now she doing what she wants. But he barks she does. Tries to say no it was some other reason she did it not because of him. Everyone knows its because of him.

So I was left to go on my own. All the people missing and being found dead bff was like you better be careful come go to the beach with us. I said nope I made plans and I am going.

I couldn’t get off early so I ended up going late but the concert still didn’t start for an hour or more. I went got gas and a drink then sat in the truck for a bit on the phone.

Finally a little after 8 I decided to go in see what was going on and check out the band playing before Colt.  I could of gotten to the stage probably but I stopped about halfway from it. There was a little area that wasn’t full of people i could see on the stage and everyone good get good pictured.

There was a guy and lady with chairs a few feet in front of me and another guy there with them. The lady left and went somewhere for a bit.

I stood there for about 10 minutes people coming and going walking around.  The guy that was with the ones sitting in front of me came up and ask if I was alone. I said yes, he said you are more than welcome to sit with us. He said you can have that chair sit there.

I said thank you but I was good, I had been sitting most the day. He came around and stood by me started talking. We stood there and talked a while. He said something to his friend and he said his friend said he has a boat. A nice sail boat. He motion for his friend to shut up and looked at him. He said oh I’m not supposed to tell her that? He said no. He said no I don’t tell them that stuff later after I get to know them if I want them to know. He looked at me and said yes i have a sail boat I live on over here. Me and my daughter.

He has two daughters I think he said 18 and 20/21. It was loud I had a hard time hearing. We stood there and talked the whole time just about. His friends got up and moved because they couldn’t see or something. We moved up closer to the stage I was trying to record. Then we moved over to the side. It was toward the end of the concert probably a few songs left I said I am going up here. I was leaving. The sound was horrible it wasn’t a good show. I went to see if they had tshirts but wasn’t impressed with them either. We ended up walking around the downtown area. We sat on a bench there and talked for a while. We got onto the subject of escape rooms. I said there was one few blocks away. He said lets go do it. I said na he was like why not? I said lets go see what it is like. I wanted to see if they were were looking for help and who owned it. Maybe do one. They were closed. After that we walked around some more. He asked where I was parked? I said back over by where we were. He said lets make the big loop around. We ended up at the parking lot we say on this little wall there and talked some more. He said wait you have your car here right? I said yes. He said take me to get some smokes. I said okay. We walked over to the truck he was like this is yours? I said yeah he was like wow.

We got in I said you have to go over the bridge to go home right? He said yes. I said why don’t we go to the little store right there then I can drop you off instead of bringing you back here you having to get back there. We lost his friends at this point and they had probably gone home or over to where I was dropping him off. He said you don’t mind? I said no it’s right here. Everywhere we are talking about aren’t even a mile its all in this little down town area or just over the bridge. All walking distince even if you have to go over the bridge.

In our night of hanging out and talking he told me a lot. I don’t know if he is telling the truth or just full of himself. He said he started a computer company at like 18 and has done all kinds of work with computers and started companies and things. How he helped his friends. That he has taken off the last 3 years or more sailing around. He done all this stuff he 40 and never really had a “normal” life. He is just taking time off.

He asked about me and things. I had told him I was a single mom of 4. We were talking about why I got a divorce and things. I said something about my older 3 kids being his and then having my daughter.

He said wait so you have 3 kids by your ex husband then you just have daughter? I said yeah I was in a relationship for a short time and had her. He was kind of surprised. He said oh that’s not bad you don’t have 4 kids by 4 different daddy’s and things. I said no not like that at all. He said that’s cool.

We just talked about a lot. He asked me about where I worked I don’t think at first he was getting that I worked two different places. When we first started talking and things and were talking about it he said so if I send you flowers how many are to many? I laughed something was said about sending them to the car lot. I said but I am only there after 5 few days a week. He said oh no they are being sent there. He said so as long as they all fit in your backseat it is good? He said I always over do it.

I dropped him off he said I want a picture but my phone is dead. I said here. He said you going to send me one? I said you have to be in it. He came around to my side of the truck and open the door we took a couple.

We talked off and on some yesterday I haven’t heard from him today. Whatever he turns out to be he does. It don’t matter, I had a good time saturday not looking for more. Whatever happens happens.

{February 9, 2019}   Day 6 A Song A Day

A little late but I was off today and just relaxing with the kids and getting a few things done.

A song that reminds me of somewhere. I wanted to use another song and different place but can’t remember the name or words for the life of me. It isn’t one i normally listen to but it always reminds me of this place even 9 years later. So he is what I decided to use and why.

This reminds me of being at my old friends house and being there spending time with him.


I do not own this song or rights to it.

{October 17, 2018}   Back to Divorce Court

Last Thursday I think it was I went up to check on housing help. I am not only worried about right now but in 6 months when my lease is up. I am not sure I can stay here if rent goes any higher. But there is no where cheaper to get. I am looking for better jobs so I do not need help but have to have a back-up plan. Anyway

On my way up there the guy from the car lot called me. He said something about he was going to call me the night before but didn’t get off until late and Starfishes ex roommate not showing up. Then he said he had cars he needed to find and get did I have help? I told him maybe I would check into it and see.

He said he had a lady that had 2 he needed to hit and a guy up north there he needed to findout about. I told him I was headed north then to take care of somethings. He said but you don’t have papers and key or help. I told him let me take care of business and I would track it down. If I found it i come get keys. I told him be looking for a driver and I be looking for help as well. He said okay.

I took care of what I needed to called and told him to give me the guys address and the info on what I was looking for. He text me the info. The guys job was on the same street I was on. I went by but he wasn’t there.

His house was about 10 minutes or less away. I went by did not see my truck I was looking for. He told me to call when I was by the house so I called and told him. He said to go knock on the door see if I could make contact but he wouldn’t answer the door.

There was another truck and car in the drive but he had a garage so it was probably in it. I went back by his job check the parking lot across the street. I had to pass the place on my way home. I seen a truck that could be it. I thought dang I should of check there before. I park in mall lot with ton of other cars and walk across the street to work if i was at risk of repo. Of course they are going to look at your job but who is going to look at the mall? It was wrong type of truck.

He told me to come to the lot that he gotten a few things taken care of. I got there we talked he was asking me what was going on and things. He said sorry not trying to pry into your personal matters, just trying to understand what is going on if I can help you in some way. You don’t have to answer. I just don’t really know much about you, you know this one, that one, worked here, know these but we never really have talked and your stressed, I can see difference from when you and starfish were here we talked and now. You have told me a little or made comments.

I told him a little bit and that I was working on going after them for child support. That I talk to the place the other week and I needed to take them papers. He asked why I hadn’t done it? I told him I was going to take it this week.

He wanted to know why I was waiting? I told him I work Friday and get my check then. If I had enough gas I was off Monday would be able to go then.

He said just go now get it over with. He said he owed me gas for going to them places, how much did he owe me. I said not much $5/$10. He said come on now, I said I was right by his job a block away and home was 5 minutes up the road, I’m not going to rip you off because it will benefit me. I didn’t even find it muchless get it. He said so you still done the job so what do I owe you? You can’t help it he wasn’t there with it.

I said whatever you give me is fine as long as I can make it to work I am good. We went inside he got money from the desk and gave me. Said go take care of that and get it off your list and things in motion. I got to the station he given me $30. I put it in gas and went to take care of business.

There was no one there so I was able to go right and talk to someone. They took all the info for father of the year then ask if he still lived on x street. It is his street so they have the right address.

Then the fact that he is not Little Bitties dad came up. They looked at all the papers I filed it is in both of them but the judge did not sign off saying it and make it part of the finale judgement. I use to have a paper but when I had to give info to the schools they needed it now they have lost it and I don’t have it.

They said they are going to turn it over to their judicial review team and see if they will go after RC and leave father of the year alone. Or they said if not then I am going to have to go to court and ask the judge to add it to the finale judgement.

Tonight I e-mailed the judge’s Judicial Assistant. Explain my divorce involved 4 kids and what the problem is. Hopfully they can fix it without me going back to court. The judge messed it up did not go over it not me. If they give me a problem I am going to tell them look he didn’t do this right either so lets just findout who I talk to about all the mess ups in it then and what can be done about it all if thats how you want to do things.

{October 9, 2018}   Your’re Starfish’s Friend

Saturday I was coming in from the store and I passed this trailer down the road and three guys had just come out. They started waving like crazy at me and motioning me to turn around and come back. I had to drop something at the house so I did that and went back out to go to the store. By this point I am figuring they have the car stuck and want pulled out. They were down behind the cars on the back of the lot when I went by and nothing was stuck and they didn’t try to stop me. I ran to the little store around the corner and headed back home. I got close again this guy come running to the road and out in it just about to get me to stop. I did and pulled over there. The guy said your, your um Starfish’s friend you wanted to sell your truck, what happen? See you got it going again. As he said this I reliased who he was. He was the guy from the car lot. I said I did but he said you didn’t get a hold of him. He said i ask him when and he said you was always working.

We talked a little and he gave me his card and said he may have some work for me as well. He said give him a call this week. He had to go finish looking at those properties.

I am going to message him this morning try to go talk to him before work. I found a little Ranger I would like to have if he really wants it. I found another truck like mine that seems to be in decent shape. Not one with all I want but decent priice still a nice truck. I am interested in what work he may have as well. Its not a lot I know but if I get in there maybe I can pick up something more or maybe some of the repos he needs done.

Here it is 4am and I am awake when I should be sleeping. Was woken up by something can’t sleep now. Least I got some decent sleep tonight.

{September 28, 2018}   Where Does Sleeping Beauty Live

This evening me and the girls went to the store. Out of no where Little Bitty ask where Sleeping Beauty lived. I told her kind of far but not to far. She kept wanting to know where. We have one pet store we use for just about everything. I told her he lived past that store it was probably about halfway. She still wasn’t sure. I thought of the meat market I like to go to. I told her he lived not far from there or up that way. She wanted to see his house. I told her I did not have his address or know right where it was I had not been there. She finally gave up on going there.

I ask her why she wanted to know what brought that up? She just said nothing. I said why do you want to see his house I thought you did not like him? She said I just do and I don’t.

In a bit walking in the store she brought him up again was saying something. I said your pretty interested to not like him. She said he is okay I just don’t like his rules I can’t play on the phone. He wanted to give rules. I told her they were my rules he was just helping enforce them. She said something about him being a friend he shouldn’t do that so she could like him. I just laughed. Told her that isn’t how it worked.

Thought it was odd no one has brought him up or talked about him lately and she did out of the blue. One of the boys did the other day too but she wasn’t here. They did like having him here and doing things with him.

{September 27, 2018}   Re: My Friend Hates Me

Yesterday I told you all about Little Bitty telling me Her friend hates her well today I walked her to class as always. But today I had a little talk with the teacher. I had Little Bitty tell her who it was and what he was saying.

The teacher was horrified. She said she had noticed the change in her and was trying to figure out why. She said they do not sit by each other so she needed to figure out when it was happening. She said she would be looking into it and put a stop to it.

The way things are set up you can’t go to the class rooms at the end of the day without checking in at the office. So I wated on her to come out and asked her how things went today.

Little Bitty said the teacher took her and the little boy to the office. She wanted her to tell them all that was said and what happen. She said they told her that if him or anyone did this again to stop and go right to the teacher or someone and tell them. They told the little boy he could not say these things to other people and do what he did. She don’t know if he got in any trouble or just talked to. Its all new for her and she is so little. She said he didn’t say anything and left her alone today. She was okay with how it was all handled. I am going to talk to the teacher tomorrow and see what she found our and how it was handled. She did make the comment that she could not change her learning center because those were the kids that were on the same level. This is when this is taking place come to find out. I got news for this teacher, if this kid starts back in on my kid someone is being moved and she will have to figure out how to do things from there.

I am glad they are doing something and not brushing it under the rug. I was shocked when she said he was taken to the office. I figured the teacher would handle it in class and if it happen anymore then maybe office. But I am glad they feel it was important enough to handle this way. May this will show the kid how not okay this is and that he could get in lots of trouble.

Another from

This is so true and the monkey experiment is so sad. But I have to disagree when it says if you don’t have a partner find a friend, or how ever it put it. Nothing can replace the feelings you get from the touch of a partner. A boyfriend/husbands girlfriend/wife’s touch can’t be replaced by anyone eles touch if you are in love with them. It is very hard to go without having that other half and their touch.


We use our senses of vision and hearing more than we do our sense of touch, but humans may have a very real need for physical touch every day. Touch is a part of the physical closeness of two people that we cannot achieve at a distance. For this reason, touch gives us the sense of connectedness with people and with our environment.

Children require loving touch in order to develop socially and physically. Depriving a child of loving touch is seen as neglectful. Psychologist Harry Harlow famously studied baby monkeys who were deprived of both food and the touch of a mother and then had the choice of food or touch. The poor, lonely, baby monkeys chose touch over food. Humans are no different in our need for touch.

Technological advances have enabled even people at a distance to experience the touch of a loved one over the internet. This is possible through ‘haptic’ feedback connections. The receiver wears a device that mimics sensations on the skin. When the message sender starts a haptic conversation, the receiver can feel the touch from the sender with the help of the device that they wear.

In the future, you might not need a touchy partner to get your fill of positive feelings from physical touch daily. But until haptic devices become more common, you need to find a willing friend to let you enjoy their physical touch. Here are 5 reasons you need to have physical touch every day.

Humans are social beings and touch is a natural part of how we communicate with each other. Touch is usually used to communicate a shared meaning between two people. Think about the last time you put a hand on someone’s arm or shoulder. Were you sharing a joke?

The use of touch communicates a mutual bond over your communication and it usually happens when you use language to mean something other than its intended use. When we use innuendo, tell a white lie, exaggerate or joke around, we use words as a symbol of a different meaning. These are the usual times, other than when we are showing affection, that we use touch.

Our sense of our physical being is what gives us emotions. That tightness in your gut is anxiety, the feeling of chills down your spine that you call fear, etc. The sensations we feel inside and on the surface of our own bodies help us to connect to people and the world around us.

Related article: 10 Reasons To Have Sex Daily

Think about a great date that you might go on. If you spent the entire time smiling and having a great conversation but there was absolutely zero attempt at touching your knee, hand, or more, you would feel pretty certain that they weren’t interested in you because they did not initiate touch. Touch tells us that you like us.

Researchers in the journal Virtual Reality studying the future of human touch say ‘A short touch by another person can elicit strong emotional experiences; from the comforting experience of being touched by one’s spouse, to the experience of anxiety when touched by a stranger. Indeed, human touch bears the capacity for very personal and very intimate interpersonal interaction, and can potentially evoke a sense of ”proximity and establish the human connection.”

Touch is an effective tool to convince people to do what you need them to do. Touch communicates the importance of your words and commands the other person’s attention. You are basically saying ‘Pay very close attention to me right now’ as you touch someone’s arm and speak to them.

Your touch is powerful and it can be thought of as a way to transmit and receive energy from one person to another. When your touch conveys affection or happiness, you give positive energy to the person you touch. You can also feel the positive energy coming from another person who touches you when they give love and happiness to you.

Therapeutic touch has been used for centuries with acupressure, massage, chiropractic practices and such. These types of touch therapies focus on healing our bodies, but therapeutic touch can also be used to heal our minds.

Licensed psychologists can work with people to provide a variety of types of therapeutic touch. Therapists use touch to help de-condition people who have experienced physical abuse, to communicate caring and calm energy to people during a suicidal crisis, to guide partners during sex therapy, to facilitate bonding during group therapy sessions, and more.

et cetera
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