So shortly after I started back to work My Good Friend called me and said that DCF/CPS was at his house and they needed someone to take the kids. He said for a week probably at the most. I told him let me talk to JW and call him back in just a few minutes.

Me and JW talked about and figured out we could make room and make it work I had a felling it would be longer than a week but we would cross that bridge when we got to it. His kids can be a handful. I love them to death like they are my own but they are 4 little boys and they are all little boys. I figured we would try it for the week or two and if it was going to be longer we would see how things were working out.

I called him back and the worker got on the phone with me and started talking about it would be longer than a week. It would probably be closer to a year. I was telling JW what she was saying and put her on speaker. We were just looking at each other like should we or shouldn’t we? Can we handle this for a while? I thought about it and stopped her. I said okay let me ask you a few questions? I asked her what we had to do to qualify and about background checks and things like that. She asked what was on it and I told her. She said we didn’t qualify. Because of a charge he has from years ago with his ex.

Later he asked me if I would do visitation for him because they didn’t have anyone to do it. I told him yes, and he said he had to get me the paperwork to go do the background check. I filled it all out and went to do it. They called said I passed and we could start doing the visits. They gave me his sisters phone number and said to get in touch with her to set everything up. I hate his sister she is such a trouble maker. She tries to start shit with everyone regardless if she knows them or if they have anything to do with her or not. I hadn’t talk to her in years and asked a question on line and she tried to start there. I didn’t even get a chance to contact her and she was calling me. I had already made my mind up that I was not talking to her on the phone. All communication would be by text so it was in writing and she couldn’t say I said something I didn’t or twist what all I said. In a minute when I didn’t answer she was messaging me.

First thing she started about what was allowed and what wasn’t and when she could meet to bring them and how she is really busy so she needs a set schedule and wanted a commitment of days and hours that would be the same from the time we started until they didn’t need someone to do it anymore. I told her I was not doing that. I told her I would give her a schedule every Friday for the following week. She insisted that wasn’t good enough. Then she was telling me all this other stuff she said was the “rules” they told her had to be followed and that if it wasn’t set for good she wouldn’t be able to guarantee she would approve the days or hours.

I hung straight up and called the worker and said I need to get some answers because I don’t know that what she is telling me is right and I can’t do all the demands that she wants. The worker said no giving her days and hours the Friday before was fine but it maybe hard for her to have them there over the weekend if the only notice she had was Friday. I said no the I will give her days and times on Friday that will start for that Monday through Sunday and Friday she will get a new one. So if she got it this Friday the week times would be the following not the next day. She set other things straight and basically like I thought she was just trying to twist everything and make it her way or no way. I wasn’t playing that game with her. I had to do that a few times and it got to the point where if something came up I had a question about or needed to let her know that I knew could be an issues because she wouldn’t like it, I would call her text the worker let her know what we wanted to do and ask her if that was alright and we had permission to do it. Once she said yes then I would message her and let her know that this was what was going on and what we needed to do or plan to do. I would add at the end this has been approved by the worker already. That way she couldn’t say to much about it. She still would but it didn’t do any good.

She had the kids so restricted that I was only doing it two sometimes three days a week because she couldn’t meet until this time or that time and she would have a problem with me picking the kids up from daycare or camp. She didn’t want to put me on the list so she would have to let them know every time I needed to do it. Then it would be a mess because she wouldn’t tell them and they would have to call her and of course they wouldn’t be able to get a hold of her. Then when her brother would message her she would magically be available and call. But it would take 2 or 3 times longer to get them picked up and get where we needed to be. She got to where she would show up late to drop them off or bring half of them off and someone else would have the rest and be bringing them. Then knowing I needed to leave on time she would show up late. It was always a fight to get something set up then she would be late.

Me and JW took a trip in September and My good friend was supposed to fix my truck. His dad was supposed to do it. I gave him the truck 3 weeks before we were to leave for a job that was supposed to take a weekend. It wasn’t done the night I was supposed to leave and then there was more of a mess. And his dad didn’t do it his brother did. His brother wasn’t supposed to ever be touching any of my vehicles. I had already told him I wouldn’t be doing any more days until a week or so after I got back.

I was talking to JW on the trip and I told him I wasn’t doing anymore days. Putting up with all the shit I was from his sister and all that I was going to keep putting up with from her if I kept doing it and he couldn’t do something as simple as get my truck fixed for me to make sure it would make it on this trip and be safe. I had no choice but to take it because I had nothing else. He agreed that it should of been a top priority and that his brother should of never been touching it. He kept asking about it when I got back and if I had figured out anything yet.

I really didn’t know how I was going to do it anyway because the boys started kickboxing three days a week and Little Bitty started dance 2 days a week when public school started back. I started an appointment every week I had to go to as well and Little Bitty had one on top of dance. I just told him I had to much on my plate he just said okay. I figured he was going to say something about it and I was just going to tell him that after the way I was done over my truck I wasn’t doing it. If it came between our friendship it just did. I could of worked it into my week but it would of cut into our family time and my down time. Just the 4 hours a week I was doing had me wore out and stressed out just dealing with her. I was over that as well because the workers got to where they were just telling everyone what they wanted to hear. I didn’t want to be in the middle of it anymore. I wanted to tell him that I was mad about my truck that was really why I wasn’t doing it but I just let it go as there was to much going on because there really was. I felt horrible not doing it because of the kids. I had such a good time with them most the time when we were out and they would always be just as happy to see me as their parents. I got to be really close with the one he was just a real sweetheart and was my buddy. But I couldn’t handle it anymore. I was so grouchy and nasty all the time because I wasn’t ever getting 5 minutes to myself and I was always running.

He still hadn’t seen them in October when Halloween rolled around so I told him if they would let them they could bring them and go trick or treating with us and the kids. But that I would have my kids with me and JW would be with me. I wasn’t going to not spend it with my kids and then go spend it with his. I told him to talk to the worker and I would set up a place and time and he could let them know. So that is what we did and she meet us over at JW job and we went around there because it was getting late by the time he got off and could go with us. She said something about all them being with me. He told her the worker knew and that he was there to take care of our kids so I could help watch them better. She didn’t say anything else after that.

I think that was the last time they seen them until a week or two a go. He messaged me and said they finally had all the paperwork done and got to go to court again and got it approved for them to have unsupervised visits in public with the kids. They can go to a movie or park, the mall or libabry. Really anywhere as long as it isn’t their house or someone else. If that goes good for a bit they will be able to take them home and start doing over nights. Then hopefully they can go home for good.

That was a mess and a half and I was so glad to be done with it. I felt guilty because I was out at the parks and things with them more than I was getting to do stuff with my own. Just a lot going on.

{February 14, 2023}   Update 6 October/November 2021

Nothing really happened in September that I can think of. So it must not of been to important if it did.

October we had our 2nd ultrasound and found out we are having a boy. I had a feeling because he has girl, boy, girl and I had girl, boy, boy, girl. I told him we were both due for another boy. Sure enough we found out we were having a boy.

I failed the one hour glucose test. I already knew I was going to because almost from the time I found out I was pregnant if I ate anything remotely sweet I would get so extremally sick. They would get donuts every so often at work and as soon as I ate one I would be puking and sick. I stopped eating them. My coffee in the morning started making me sick. It was bad and I was never that way with any of my other kids. I also all but was sick when I drank the stuff for my first test. I kept it down why I was there, but on the way home I felt like I was going to puke and pass out and just so bad. I almost didn’t make it to his house and never made it to work after I got so sick.

Aside from not being able to eat anything sweet this pregnancy was different than my others. With my others I would crave different things and there would be one thing I couldn’t eat at all. Even if I ate it all the time before I got pregnant. This time I got to where the only things I wanted to eat was, egg salad/deviled eggs, chili and chicken. It got to where I couldn’t stand the thought or taste of any of it but it was all I could eat that didn’t make me feel sick in some way. One morning we went out to eat and I had chicken strips, deviled eggs and a cup of chili. That was breakfast. He went with me for my 3 hour test and I am glad he did because I got sick after it as well. But he took me to get lunch and I was okay after that.

I had only told one person at work and that was the girl working in the shop out back. She didn’t tell anyone at all. I knew she wouldn’t and I wanted someone at work to know in case something happened and I needed something and in case something happened and I wasn’t able to tell anyone anything. She could.

So I finally decided I needed to tell them at work once I had been moved over to my new position in dispatch. I went into the owners office again and asked him if he had a few minutes to talk. He looked very worried but said yes. I sat down and told him that I needed to let him know that I was going to be taking some time off around February/ March. He looked confused and said okay. I forget what else I said and I said I am pregnant. He said what? I said it again and he was like oh really congratulations and said I thought you were going to quite. His wife came in to give him his lunch and went to leave. He told her to come back and close the door that I had some news. She looked at me confused as well and I told her and she was surprised. She told me about her sister who had her kids later in life as well. She went out and me and the owner talked some more. I asked him if I could save my week’s vacation I had and use it when I took leave? He said yes of course that would be fine. I asked about the two weeks I would be getting in the middle of March, if I would still get them since I would be off before I technically got them? He said that wasn’t a problem either. So I would get three weeks paid. He asked how long I paned to take off, I told him I had 12 weeks between vacation time and FML. He said that was good. He also said that maybe we could work it where I could work from home if I was feeling up to it or when I was ready to come back.

After I was done talking to them I went back out to my desk and sat down. I sit between the two ladies I work with. One I can touch her desk we are so close. The other sits across the room from me about a door’s width apart. I called her over there to mine and the other ladies desk. I said ok I told the owner and his wife I am going to tell you all because I am sure it will be out in no time anyway. They looked at me funny. I said I was pregnant. They were all excited. We were talking about age and things. The older lady probably in her late 50’s early 60’s said your only about what early 30’s? I laughed I said I wish, I am going to be 41 in December. She about choked and said what really? I thought you were a lot younger than that. Everyone there thinks I am way younger than I really am there.

They were all asking how far a long I was and when I was due and everything. I told them I was over 20 weeks. I think I was really 25 to 30 weeks when I finally told them. They were really surprised I was so far along. They thought I was in the beginning had just found out not long ago. I said no they were like how are you not showing? You are wearing all your same clothes. I was but I had lost a lot of weight and still had all my bigger clothes and still wore some of them but not a lot. The stuff I did buy new was just a size bigger than I was wearing so not maternity clothes. They all wanted to know what the kids thought about it and everything. I had to tell them they didn’t know because I hadn’t told them yet. They couldn’t believe they hadn’t noticed or figured it out. But they hadn’t because they are use to seeing me go up and down in weight and I was still wearing clothes they were use to seeing me in and I would have a jacket or sweater or something on when I went in at night. Because of Covid, I was still pretty much going home going in and going to my room. Not being around everyone in case I caught it. If I had to come out of my room for something I always just had my big sleep shirt or gown on. That was mid October I told everyone at work. Of course they all wanted to know when I was going to take leave and everything. I told them I didn’t know I plan to work up until I went to the hospital to have him unless something happen.

We still hadn’t found a house yet. We found one the guy was going to let us have but I wasn’t going to agree to all his over the top request and requirements. He wanted $1600 then had it up to $1800 I forget why. But I was willing to pay it to get us out of the mess we were in. Time was running out for us as far as the baby and I had decided my kids would be out of where we were before Christmas. So we went to meet him and look at the place. It was small but we could force it to work and it would be better than the spot we were in it seemed. That was until he started talking about how he wanted to come see where we lived now, he wanted to charge us even more because we had never lived together before (none of his business) he wanted extra deposits and talking about how he would be stopping by basically anytime he wanted to and expected to be let in to see the place. But he wouldn’t come at night. I did not tell him I was pregnant and he did not ask and you couldn’t tell with what I was wearing. But things he said made me think that it would be a problem once the baby came as well. I finally just told JW I was not doing this and giving him all the money he was asking for and risk losing it because of whatever excuse he made to keep it and put us out. We just left that one alone.

My mother was still being her unbearable self and making everyone Misérables. Always freaking out about what was she going to do and how she had no where to go or anyone to help her. All while she was doing nothing to help herself. I told her the same way I got to work and home and everywhere else I got with no vehicles why she had two sitting there rotting that no one could borrow. That again I was not the only child she had she needed to figure it out like I had all this time on my own. She was one grown adult to worry about I had 4 kids to worry about. I just mostly avoided her as much as I could because it was getting to the point it was about to turn into a fight at any given moment and I knew it. I know how she is.

I still was not excited about the baby or being pregnant. Everyone keep say or the baby and do you know what it is and isn’t it exciting and everything when we would see them. I was like nope it’s a baby. His bestfriend and girlfriend were like oh it’s so exciting and everything and how can you not be. My bestfriend was the same way and how great and lucky I was because she lost hers. I wasn’t excited at all. Not because of the situation or needing to move or anything like that. I just was not excited at all. I did not want another child, I could not handle another child and I knew that and did everything I could to prevent it. I had done the same thing for many years and now this. For me there was nothing to be excited about. I felt horrible for my friend because of what happen but it didn’t make things any better for me.

{February 13, 2023}   Update 5 August 2021

Not a lot happened in August I told BFF about the baby. I didn’t get to tell her until the middle of this month. I could of told her sooner but we weren’t able to get together in person to talk. I wanted to tell her in person because shortly before I found out I was pregnant she had found out she was and was so excited. They told everyone right away. Then in no time she mascaraed. She was dealing with that. I didn’t want to just tell her over the phone or in a message since she was going through all that. We finally were able to meet up for breakfast one morning. Her bf and JW were all supposed to go but hers backed out at the last minute.

We got there and we talked for a bit and caught up and things. We were joking around about something and talking waiting for our food. I sent her a message, it was the ultrasound we had. She looked at it, she was like what is that? Who’s is that? Wait what is that yours? Are ya’ll pregnant? We told her yes, she was so excited. I still was not excited at all about it. She kept saying how lucky we were and everything. I sure didn’t feel like it. I told her not to say anything to anyone because no one really knew yet and the kids and my mother really didn’t.

{February 13, 2023}   Update 4 July 2021

While waiting to get my first ultrasound and dealing with everything else that was going on we are in the car going to work on July 14th. We had stopped at the little store like we always did for our coffee and whatever else we decided to get. We were pulling out of the parking lot headed to drop him at work when I received a call from the doctor’s office. It was the NP calling because I had went to get my blood work and they had the results. She informed me that I had an STD. I felt like I had been punched in the stomach. I am extremely careful had not been with anyone new in an very long time other than JW and it had been 6 month or more since I had been with anyone when we were together like that.

She said it was very important that I get treated right a way and that he needed to be tested and treated as well. I hung up and told him and he didn’t know what to say. I told him I didn’t know but he had to be tested and treated as well. They said they were trying to get the midauction to treat me into the office and he would need to go to the health department to get treated. Later they called me and told me it was going to be thousands for them to treat me in the office but if I went to the health department with him they would treat us both for free. So when they opened I called them and finally was able to get in touch with the women who handles that kind of thing. She made me and appointment for the next morning and told me to bring him in with me. Normally he would need to call and set it up his self, but since I asked her and we both knew and everything she said just bring him and they would take care of everything when we got there.

I asked her a ton of questions because I had never dealt with anything like that before in my life. I didn’t know anything about this one well any of them really but I wanted to figure out how I got it. We went over how long we had been together, when we were together that way, the last time I had been with someone before him, if I had any signs of it or had been sick.

I had not been with anyone in over 6 months and that was my friend I have been with for years, like 10 or more years and never had a problem. I hadn’t been sick or any signs of anything why were. Then we talked about since me and JW had been together. I don’t know if I wrote about it here or not but back when he went to see his kids in GA and Covid was getting really bas they shut stuff down and everyone was freaking out. Right after he left and why he was up there I got sick was sick. My throat was swollen and had raw looking places in it. Northing like what they said Covid was like and nothing like strep or anything I had ever had before. But I sure never thought it was something like that. I didn’t go get checked, I honestly never go to the doctor unless it is really bad I think I am dying. With the way everyone was freaking out about Covid I didn’t want to hint that I was sick with anything. I couldn’t afford to lose time at work. But I told him why he was up there how I was just sick and tired. It was gone by the time he came home or shortly after. I never thought anything of it. I was fine after that he didn’t get sick. After we found this out and I was talking to the nurse about it and me being sick I thought about it and how he told me that he got really sick in like November beginning of December right before we started talking. He had taken off work and missed work over it and said he just never felt like that before and how tired he was. I am thinking that is when he caught it either from his ex or some girl he was seeing right before me. I thought from his ex because she has been cheating on him with a few different people. But then later I found out he was with this other girl in between us. it was probably her.

We went in the next morning before work and seen the nurse. She didn’t take us back at the same time they aren’t allowed. They have to do each of us in different rooms and can’t talk about anything the other says with the other. I told her all that and she said yes that it sound as if that is when I caught it. She didn’t think I had caught it anywhere else because I hadn’t been sick before and everything I described sounded like it. I don’t know what he told her or where he told her he thought he got it.

She gave us both two shots in the upper butt just below the hip bones one on each side. It hurt and was sore for days. We couldn’t be together for I think two weeks but by the time we could we had to go back and get another two shots. We had to get two shots three different times two weeks apart. Then get tested every so many months after for a year to make sure we didn’t get it back it worked for both of us.

All that was on the 14th and 15 between finding out and getting treated. Then on the 20th we went for our first ultrasound. I got off work early and picked him up early and we went over to the hospital to get it done. It was really odd because I had never had one done that early. I was just over 7 weeks. So there wasn’t much to see they measured whatever it is they do at that early and found the heartbeat. They showed us the heart beating. That was a little weird since there was no baby really. They let him take a picture and a video why I got dressed and went to the bathroom. They didn’t have a printer to print them out.

As we were leaving the hospital his mom called to say she was about 20 miles or less away. We ended up meeting her to get something to eat. I thought he was going to tell her then but he didn’t. I was kind of mad because he waited to tell her until the next day when they went out why I was at work. He says she was shocked but didn’t say much I don’t know because I know she had something to say about his last one.

We finally went to the next doctor visit and after that he started asking when they were going to tell me what we were having. I told him it would be while but after that after about every visit or any time I had to go for testing he was asking when they were going to tell us and if they could yet.

After his mom knew and the people at work we started telling some others that we knew but not a lot of people. He told his best friend one morning when we ran into him at the little store when we stopped to get coffee. His friend laughed and was like no your not your joking and everything. I just looked at him he was like oh your really not joking are you? She don’t look happy. I wasn’t I just did not want anymore kids at all for any reason.

{December 7, 2020}   A Day Trip With Sleeping Beauty

Me and Sleeping Beauty have been talking again for a little bit now. Two weeks before Thanksgiving that saturday, I dropped JW off at work and decided to go to some yard sales and things. I had a few I was going to go to then just make my way around to whatever I seen after that. Some how I ended up on the other side of the county than where they were. I was going to go up that way to check something first. Don’t even remember what. I went to some sales up there and didn’t see much really.
Sleeping Beauty messaged me we started talking. He asked what I was up to i told him, and really just looking for something to do. He said yeah he wad bored. He said the flea market in a town or two over was open was pretty busy when he was up there few weeks before. I said maybe I would che k it out. He ask who all was with me? I told him I was alone. He said he would go with me if I wanted. I told him okay I would be there in a bit. I was about 20 to 25 minutes away from him the place was about that from him. I figured maybe we would find something else going on once we got there.
I had the rental car a little Elantra. I pulled up he was looking funny trying to figure out who it was at first. He got in we talk about the car why i had it. We were on our way. We just kind of talked about anything and everything. Wouldn’t you know it started to rain. We got to the flea market there was almost no one there. We walked through and checked out some cars in the parking lot and went to leave. I was waiting to pull out trying to decide what to do now because with rain there would be no sales anymore either.

I thought about it I looked at him and said you want to go to Daytona? He looked at me for a minute said really? I said yeah I have all day and no where to be or anything to do. We are only an hour away or less.

He said yeah why not he had nothing to do. So we were off to the flea market in Daytona. We knew rain or shine they would be open it is all inside for the most part. Some in side in mall like area. We must of walked around the place 5 times. We think we were dome and see ares we hadn’t been and then tried to find our was back to a booth where we seen some stuff we wanted. We finally said okay I think we have seen everything at least twice now if not we don’t even know we are missing anything lets go.

I said something about something why we were looking for the car. He jokingly said you want to go to Bass Pro Shop. I said okay why not. I was thinking of the one at home on the other other end of the county but hey nothing to do waste some time why not. We finally found our way through the maze of a parking lot and got on the street. He started telling me what way to go. It hit me duh they have one here too. We got there and seen a sign for Skip’s Western store so we decided to go there too. Then by one they had all these tents and things set up and music playing. We decided to walk over see what that was. It was a art show there were a few people with crafts, food and drinks. So we walked around and checked that all out. When we were done there we headed home. We were going to stop by the leather shop but I missed the exit and we were not 100% sure where it was. He didn’t know what I was talking about and I just remembered seeing it between his house and where we were almost two hours away. He messaged me a few days later and told me he found it not far from his house. I guess it is new up there we went one way there and part of the way back we went a different way.

We were on the way there or back and JW messaged me. We were talking i said something about it being him. He said don’t tell him I am with you. I said why? He said you don’t need him pissed off at you or us. I said no he won’t care. I already told him where I was and you were with me. He ask what he said. I told him nothing just be careful or what with wet roads and just being off away from home that far alone or what. That i told him he was with me he said oh okay.

Sleeping Beauty said he done get mad you talk to other guys or hang out with them? I said no he has met most my guy friends or knows them from when we were in school. He knows they all message me we talk and things. He knows I’m not out “running around”. I am just out with a friend just like if BFF was with me instead. He was kind of surprised.

But it is true he knows I am not looking to get with anyone else I am not like that. Even though he don’t like him he knows we are friends and we talk. I give him a ride once in awhile and things. That was the first time we have hung out in years other than when the group would get together and he would come. He isn’t the type to say I don’t like him you can’t talk to him or I would rather you not talk to him. He wouldn’t unless he really did something wrong or something happen he didn’t like.

After I got home I thought of the boardwalk. I messaged him and said we should of went. I was home by 330 didn’t have to be until 730 really. I didn’t have to be then JW would of gotten a ride home. But for me that is were I feel it is kind of crossing a line that shouldn’t be. I am doing what I want to all day be it whoever I am with, I feel I should at least be there to pick him up and spend time with him. But That is me. He tells me all the time do what you want to do don’t rush home because of me I can get a ride it isn’t a big deal. If I don’t have to work and I am there if I don’t wake up when he gets up or why he is getting ready for work sometimes he won’t wake me up. He will call his buddy to pick him up on his way in. Once I didn’t feel good and ask him too he rode his bike. I told him i would take him if he couldn’t he didn’t wake me and say he didn’t call him back. He knows I don’t go off like that all the time I always take him unless i have somewhere to be early. Like I said it isn’t like he says you better be here when I get off or gets all bent out of shape i am out or doing something. It is just how I feel about it.

With Father of the Year he would of been mad I went, he would of been mad who sent with me, and that he couldn’t go. Oh if i said I am going to be home later we are doing this or that or even hey accident we got stuck in traffic caused us not to get back he would be going through the roof. It is nice not having to be in someone’s ass 24/7 and them not think twice about and tell you don’t rush don’t worry about it i can get a ride. Oh you got out of the house today did something with a friend thats great glade you had fun. Wish I didn’t have to work but glad you were able to do something. Not someone who thinks you should sit in the house and wait for them to get home like the dog. All just because they have to work can do something too. It didn’t matter if i was going alone taking the kids somewhere or me and my sister doing stuff with the kids. I just flat shouldn’t be doing anything. But sitting waiting until he could go and until he wanted too.

The longer I am away from him, the longer me and JW are together and things happen even as simple as this. I realize more and more how bad it really was with him.

Now that I have rambled on off topic i really need to get off of here. It is 4 am I have to be up at 645/7. It is now just a blink away I should get some sleep for work in the morning. I fell a sleep for a short time and was woke up couldn’t get back to sleep. Hopefully I can now. I will try to catch you up more later today. Until then good night, or should that be good morning?

{October 8, 2020}   What We Did This Weekend

So last week me and JW were talking about his dog and him being lonely. He is home all day by himself and then wants someone to play and pet him all night. I don’t blame him. That is why we have always had two dogs when we were all in school and work.

JW said he wanted to go get him a kitten over the weekend but the shelters would be closed. I looked and a few were open so he said he would see when he was off on Sunday.

So we looked around online at what the shelters had. One wanted $75 for kittens. The other said starting at $25 and they had one he really liked. I woke him up early so we could get everything done he was tired. He hasn’t been sleeping good. I didn’t want to get him up but if I didn’t we wouldn’t get things done. I took him to breakfast and we ran to the store to return something. Then off to the SPCA to look at kittens. They have most the cats and kittens in rooms with toys and things let them run around. It is a really nice set up. We went in a few and the last one we walked in we were both like I like that one and picked one up. We both picked different ones up. But thought they other was cute too. JW picked up a little black one and I had a little orange Tabby.

I am not a cat or kitten person. But When I was younger there was this huge fat orange Tabby that hung out at my grandma’s house. We feed, watered him and loved on him. He was an outside cat. Then my dad had a big fat tabby who was raised by our dog and thought he was a dog. I have just always like the little Orange kitties. I can think of a few other cats that weren’t tabby we had. So there has pretty much always been cats around growing up.

JW and I played with the kitties in the room and decided we wanted the little black one and small orange one. There was another Orange one but he was fatter. His belly was fat, kind of looked like maybe something was wrong.

When we were in one of the first rooms we seen prices on the window. It said kittens were $60 adult cats were $25 and older cats were $5. We were a little unhappy because it said $25 online. We didn’t think the other’s would be over twice that. But one of the employees said they were having a special buy me get my buddy free. So two for $60. We still at that point wasn’t looking for two. But when we found them it just seemed meant to be.

They are both right at 3 months old. Just over from what they can tell. Mine is the older of the two. He was rescued from Mississippi from the storm. JW’s was rescued from the county over from us. His name is Prince. Mine was Burton. I have been calling him Pumpkin (Punk) for short.

When we were looking online we seen an Orange one his name was Pumpkin. I wanted him right away. He was a fluffy Tabby like the one at my grandma’s. And Pumpkin was what my dad’s mom and family called him growing up. My aunt’s and cousins still call him that. But then some how we were on a page of cat’s from NC. To far to go. I found this one I thought it would be fitting. But I don’t know I may change it. I can’t decide.

It was funny because JW seen one he wanted but we weren’t sure where he was at the shelter. We could not remember what room it said and it looked like some had been moved. So we were just looking and figured we would ask if we didn’t find one. When we told the lady the one’s we wanted she scan them to tell us about them and it was the one he seen on line and wanted. We weren’t sure because there was a littler of like 3 or 4 they looked close to the same. But there was only 2 in there and we hadn’t seen the others. We thought we had seen him on a different shelters site maybe. But he wasn’t he was there and they found each other. He loved JW when he came in and sat down he was playing with him then he licked his nose when he stood up was petting him before we went out.

This is mine on the way home. He laid on my lap and slept

His wanted to run all over the truck. He had to hold him in his lap to get him to stay.

They were not sure what to think of the dog. They were safe up here but was still keeping an eye on him. Pumpkin is warming up to the dog a bit now. As long as the dog is not looking at him he is okay. He will walk right beside or in front of him sit close. But as soon as the dog looks he gets ready to fight if he has too. He don’t his spit or slap right away. He waits if the dog tries to smell or touch him then he will. Small progress but it is something. The black one will not get near him. He is still scared.

Sunday night they ran all over the bed messed with me all night. There is no door on the room to keep them out. I was so aggregated. Last night as soon as they started i got up picked them up put them in the bathroom with their litter box and closed the door. JW said they would meow all night we would have to let them out. I guess they went to sleep I never heard anything. They came walking out fine when he open it this morning. Won’t hurt them until they learn to go to sleep or not to play on the bed. They have a towel in there to sleep on and their box.

I am thinking about giving the Orange one to Little Bitty for her birthday. JW say’s I can’t keep them together and with the dog for a few weeks then take him away. I will have to see how they are doing when I get ready.

So that is what we did this weekend. Next weekend I need to get them in a checked and shots. Mine needed his rabies the day we got him but the vet wasn’t in to give it. JW’s was to little to get his. So they gave me vouchers to wave the office visits to get them checked. She gave me one for the one shot he should of had that day. So all we will pay for is the one shot for mine and the two for his. He wanted to take them to our vet get them started there and it is closer and they are open 7 days a week. But I explained to him it was extremely cheaper to get them there and it would be the same as if they already had given them. He didn’t realise they waved the office visits. That is $90 in itself.

But we are happy with our new babies. JW is so cute with them. He just plays and talks to them pet’s them.

{September 11, 2020}   All Things Relationship

I have talked to Bff a lot the last few days. This in turn has had me thinking about relationships and the way we do thing. Makes me wonder what everyone else thoughts and feelings are on some thing’s as well.

I will do a follow up post this weekend with my answers and all of your in put. I look forward to seeing if more of you see things the way I do or the way Bff see’s them. I will give you her point of view on thing’s as well.

Let’s start with the basics.

Do you feel there are things you should know before you consider a relationship/dating someone?

What things do you want to know upfront?

Do you feel there is a difference in dating and being in a relationship with someone?

If so what is the difference in the two?

If not why do you feel there isn’t?

Can you see/talk to others if you are dating/in a relationship?

When you start a relationship/dating do you go into it expecting it to last or just see what happens?

Are you currently single?

Do you have kids at home?

Do you think your answers would be different if you did/didn’t have kids?

At what point do you introduce your children to the person you are in a relationship with/dating?

I hope you all take the time to answer and share. I am really interested in everyone’s answers.



As I said in my last post JW’s aunt called why we were having lunch and ask us to dinner. She is. Down staying with his other aunt for a few days. So we went over to see them. I had never met them before. I only really know his mom and brother. I met his dad once or twice when we were younger but he wasn’t around much when we were growing up.

Tonight was two of his aunts one’s son and his girlfriend that was there. They were all really nice. It was a really nice night. We sat and talked while we waited for dinner to finish. After dinner we went out and watched the rocket launch. Sat and talked for a little bit longer and now we are home. They were all really nice and welcoming.

I am tired and wore out. It sucks because we haven’t done anything for me to feel this way. But I have drove about 150 miles today. The aggregation of running around wasting time for something that they didn’t have when we were debating where to go and decided to go there just because of the car show since they don’t have it all the time. Oh well. He is watching Black Panther and relaxing. I’m really not interested in it. I think I will go take a relaxing shower, fold the clothes make the bed and go to bed. I don’t want to go to work tomorrow. I worked Saturday to make up time we missed during the week. Took me 6 days to get 39.5 hours. I should of had 44. I had done 4 hours last Friday to make up for the day we missed the week before. Half day at over time would be more than i would of made had it been a normal 8 hour day. But then we missed Tuesday this week i had to work this Saturday and have them put it on this check to just touch 40. Hope we don’t miss any more.

{August 20, 2020}   Fair Share Of In Laws

JW has a friend well his best friend really that I am not crazy about. I couldn’t really figure out why. He has been nice to me and they always tell him to bring me and the kids over or to parties and things they have. That is were we spent New Years eve. I wasn’t impressed with some of the things I seen going on then with everyone who was there. But I try to stay in the mind set that it is not my house my kids and because I wouldn’t allow it or do it don’t mean it is wrong or my business. I make note that I would rather my children not be there without me or at all or what. I want others to be the same when it comes to me, my kids and my home.

But there is just something else that bothers me. I want to say he tries to hard but not really. It’s just odd. One of those you can’t pin point it but there it something.

Today sitting here thinking about it because he is supposed to go over there tonight and I don’t know if I want to go. I think maybe I figured out a big part of it. He is related to JW’s ex some way some how. He has told me but it was shortly after we started talking and I don’t remember. It sounded a little um complicated or tangled really. I know that she is his sister or sister in law of him or his wife or something like that. The kids aunt or great aunt some way.

To me that is just in laws. Rather him and his ex were married or not. They were together for 8 years or few more. His friends call him uncle. So they are were like family. But they are her family when it. Comes down to it. I have dealt with in laws enough. Dealing with in laws never turns out good. Because just like I told RC, in the end it is their family and that is who they are going to side with. He always ask if she is going to be there before he goes over or waits until she leaves. Then a while back be found out that she was staying with them. For like a month at least that he knows of. Then he finds out that they told her who I was and that that is my house 2 doors away from them. I am not scared of her and really don’t care. But it is the fact they know how she is. She drinks from the time she gets up until she passes out. And she is always fighting the time in between when she is awake. That she isn’t happy they aren’t together and he is with someone else. That she is the type of person that would just walk up and start shit out of the blue for no reason. That my kids are the ones home most the time.

I don’t know I think I told you about someone messing around outside my house in the middle of the night a while back a few times. Once they heard them talking it was a women. I didn’t at the time know she was staying over there. He didn’t either. But I told him about it when it happen. Later another time it came up I said how the Bitch thinks Peter Pan and Windy are sneaking over there washing at night. Or that someone is from things they found or that happen in the laundry room. It is outside on the carport. Can’t see in there without going out there. I don’t think it is them because he knows I will shoot before I even know who it is if I come out and someone is messing around my house. I will worry about who later. No one should be anywhere other than my front door that time of night if they are at my house. Then I will be answering the door with my gun that late.

Well I was telling JW what she was saying but I didn’t think that was it. He said I was wondering if it wasn’t my ex and told me how he found out she was staying there and they told her about me. That she is that way and he wouldn’t put it past her to come over there do something steal something or mess with something. So why would they tell her? They say they don’t like her but she is always over there holidays parties or stopping by. Then they let her stay there. Tell her all this stuff. Seems they are more friends with her than him and two faced. Telling her everything.

Yes they can be friends with both but you don’t find out everything you can and run back to tell the other one. One or the other shouldn’t come up or be talked about to the other. And when they sit and talk about how bad this one is how they don’t like them either and things then act like their best friend to their face. Makes one wonder what they are saying behind ones own back.

I haven’t told him any of this because that is his “best friend” he don’t talk to many people. But it is hard for me to interact with people that I feel such a way about.

{February 10, 2020}   Your Emotional Support

When I went on my walk why they were deciding when they were going to get ready and leave the other night I messaged my Good Friend. I said a few things he said right away are you thinking about your dad? We started talking from there.

In a minute he asked me where my guy was?

I told him I was at the beach.

He said Yes but you are obviously emotional, shouldn’t he be your emotional support?

I told him I was about a 6 pack in and he made a joke and I told him he was looking for the others I guess because he was gone. That I was walking.

He said he guess he should be flattered that I get emotional and contact him.

I told him he was one of my oldest and closest friends. That I could tell him everything and anything and not be judged and he knew how it was.

He joked and said he was just along until I let him hit that and laughed. Said I gave him to much credit.

I said a few things to him he laughed.

I told him he knew I loved him and not because I was drunk.

He said I knew he loved me too or he wouldn’t put up with my crazy ass.

I laughed and told him I knew that.

He said to take him a picture of me on the beach. I told him at that point I was walking down some street.

He said damn you and your late night drunken street walking and that I better be wearing shoes this time. That at least I had someone else to rescue me this time because he wasn’t saying no again.

I told him I felt sick.

He asked if I had eaten. I told him not since about 5.

He told me I should know better than told me but that’s you in a nutshell. Always know better but don’t listen to yourself.

I told him I didn’t care anymore that not one cared.

He said I think you no better or you wouldn’t message me.

I told him he was probably the only one.

He said it is a shame you never really let me love you sent the little kiss face.

I said you always had someone.

He said not always just most.

I told him we never didn’t have someone at the same time.

He said sometimes you just have to break the rules to  really experience life.

We went down that road a little bit and talked then I forgot about him once we got inside. I had to go to the bathroom wanted to get a drink and got ready for bed and laid down. Then I thought of it I got the phone I told him I was going to bed, good night love him. he said you too.

I told JW we talk and that he was my one person that I went to about everything. Because he said something a few days ago about Bff being my one person I told everything to and talk to about everything. I told him no that I didn’t tell her a lot of things or talk to her about somethings. I had someone else and then we got off onto something else and never got around to who it was. I told him that night we were talking. I told him yeah I had known him about as long as me and him knew each other that he was my one go to person. That I did love him in a always there friend kind of way but that was it that we said whatever to each other I wasn’t interested in anything more than friends. That he has tried and tries but there really isn’t anything between us. He said he knew and understood that he had that one friend too. That he talked to him about everything that he was happy we were together or something like that. I kind of fell a sleep. But it didn’t bother him.

et cetera
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