Single___Parent___Life











{February 10, 2020}   Your Emotional Support

When I went on my walk why they were deciding when they were going to get ready and leave the other night I messaged my Good Friend. I said a few things he said right away are you thinking about your dad? We started talking from there.

In a minute he asked me where my guy was?

I told him I was at the beach.

He said Yes but you are obviously emotional, shouldn’t he be your emotional support?

I told him I was about a 6 pack in and he made a joke and I told him he was looking for the others I guess because he was gone. That I was walking.

He said he guess he should be flattered that I get emotional and contact him.

I told him he was one of my oldest and closest friends. That I could tell him everything and anything and not be judged and he knew how it was.

He joked and said he was just along until I let him hit that and laughed. Said I gave him to much credit.

I said a few things to him he laughed.

I told him he knew I loved him and not because I was drunk.

He said I knew he loved me too or he wouldn’t put up with my crazy ass.

I laughed and told him I knew that.

He said to take him a picture of me on the beach. I told him at that point I was walking down some street.

He said damn you and your late night drunken street walking and that I better be wearing shoes this time. That at least I had someone else to rescue me this time because he wasn’t saying no again.

I told him I felt sick.

He asked if I had eaten. I told him not since about 5.

He told me I should know better than told me but that’s you in a nutshell. Always know better but don’t listen to yourself.

I told him I didn’t care anymore that not one cared.

He said I think you no better or you wouldn’t message me.

I told him he was probably the only one.

He said it is a shame you never really let me love you sent the little kiss face.

I said you always had someone.

He said not always just most.

I told him we never didn’t have someone at the same time.

He said sometimes you just have to break the rules to  really experience life.

We went down that road a little bit and talked then I forgot about him once we got inside. I had to go to the bathroom wanted to get a drink and got ready for bed and laid down. Then I thought of it I got the phone I told him I was going to bed, good night love him. he said you too.

I told JW we talk and that he was my one person that I went to about everything. Because he said something a few days ago about Bff being my one person I told everything to and talk to about everything. I told him no that I didn’t tell her a lot of things or talk to her about somethings. I had someone else and then we got off onto something else and never got around to who it was. I told him that night we were talking. I told him yeah I had known him about as long as me and him knew each other that he was my one go to person. That I did love him in a always there friend kind of way but that was it that we said whatever to each other I wasn’t interested in anything more than friends. That he has tried and tries but there really isn’t anything between us. He said he knew and understood that he had that one friend too. That he talked to him about everything that he was happy we were together or something like that. I kind of fell a sleep. But it didn’t bother him.



{February 10, 2020}   Finally Another Beach Night

Saturday Bff called and said she was going out so I went with her. We picked up JW and went to a pool hall over on the Island. We got there it was packed and none of us really wanted to stay. We left and was going to go to Apple bee’s or this other little place I go sometimes. I wasn’t really in the mood to be out around people. I said lets go to the beach. We can get some drinks and take out there walk or just sit and talk. We decided to do that.

Then she was talking to a friend she hadn’t seen in a while and he decides to go with us. We went back and picked him up and got stuff to drink. We went to the pier where I always go and some lady told her they were closed. I tried to tell her we park their all the time it did not matter she was scared and left. We ended up about 6 blocks or more down and parked. We all walked out there started walking down the beach. Next thing I know we look behind us they aren’t there. They had sat down somewhere. We kept walking for a ways and decided we were ready so we turned around to find them.

We sat and talked for a while once we found them then in a bit they got up and started walking again. I was like wait I want to go back to the truck give us the keys. She wouldn’t said we would leave her or what we would do in her truck or something. I said I am tipsy I am not driving and he can’t either. By then they were away from us.

I had to go to the bathroom and decided we were going to walk up this walk off the beach to see if there was a store or something around. We got over the walk and there was the bar. I said we found a bar and a nice big truck. JW laughed said you and your big trucks. I said yep like my trucks. Lets take that one for a ride joking.

The way the bar is set up it different since it is right there by the beach. Its long two sides then all open on the end you walk the length you come in the front walk straight out the back or vs versa. Most of it you are sitting outside. I said lets walk around to the front and come in because it was crawled in the back and all through the place. I really had to go and did not see the bathroom from where we were. We walked around he had one of the beers we had with is open drinking it. I said they are going to make you get rid of that.

We got to the front there were bikes parked there a group of bikers and the bouncer standing around. I knew they were going to stop him I stepped through them walked in amd straight to the bathroom that was right there by the door. As I walked into the bathroom I heard the bouncer say something to him about his drink. I thought yep knew it. He going to be standing outside or arguing with this bouncer when I get back out there. I come out look around he is standing in the bar watching the fight no drink. He come over we walked out. I said what happen? What did he say about your drink? JW said he told me no drinks outside the bar I had to stay inside with it, I said yes I understand walked in with it and finished it so we could leave. He thought we had just come around the building from outback drinking.

After that we walked back down to the beach and started walking back toward where we had parked. Anyone that has been to the beach knows that if you park walk down the beach it is hard enough to find where you came down at if you walk to far down but if you come up on the street and try to walk back you may never find your car. In the dark you may as well forget it. That is why I park at the pier and walk down. I know when I get back to the pier I am where I need to be. Anyway Saturday when we first got down on the beach I stopped was looking back at the walk, the buildings everything around. He said what are you doing? I said looking around. I was looking to see something that would make me remember where we came down and parked. Off we went down the beach. We got back to where we came down and walked up the boardwalk, he was asking if I was sure that was where we came up. We walked up on the walk stood there talking for a bit and he walked down to see if the truck was there. It was he came back. I thought we were going back to the tuck. I started walking toward the truck and thought he was behind me. I guess he went to tell them we found the truck I started walking because I figured they were who knows how far down and I was just in my moods to walk. I walked up to the street and started walking. About the time I got down to the pier he was calling me asking where I was at. I told him and I kept walking. He said they were coming to get me I told them I was walking up to my old job to go to the bathroom again. They were telling me no stay there everything. I told them I crossed A1A and was almost at my old job but they were closed. By that time they were there. We went up to the little store and then to get something to eat. Her and her friend took us to his place and dropped us off. I stayed there for the night.

Saturday was 5 years since my dad passed and I was already not in the greatest moods. Feeling really depressed and then the kids decided that they were going to fight like hell all day. I Tried to take them out and got pissed off and took them home and gave them dinner and got them ready for bed. I took Little Bitty to bed and made her go to sleep before I left because she was the main cause of all the fighting. Then I left. Bff was going to pick me up and I decided to leave take my car. I called her and told her to meet me at his house instead. If I wanted then I could stay there and would have my car. The mood I was in I was not going to drink at all because I knew it would turn out bad.

I ended up laying in the back seat in his lap and crying. Bff said I was telling them they knew not to let me drink. That when we got back to his place she thought I made him man and he was going to leave me and I was going to have to go home with her that night. I guess me and her friend was talking about relationships, sex, and things like that. Her friend said something about going in and being with him, I guess I said I didn’t want to do him. I didn’t mean it that way, I just meant that we had talked about it and wasn’t rushing into things and the mood I was in I didn’t want to be with him like that. I want that to be when I am in a better mood we are both into it. She said at some point around there he kind of put his hands up and walked away to the house. I told her I didn’t think he was mad that everything seemed find when I had left that morning.

We talked a while before I left and I told him I was sorry and things. That I knew it was a bad time that I shouldn’t have drank. He was just like no big deal, it was fine, I didn’t do anything wrong, they been there, he understood. That I wasn’t going to get rid of him that easy. I had a lot on my plate and to deal with and he just wanted to help me with that and that we all need a break sometimes, that it wasn’t that much of one but he hoped it was something. That is was so nice to fall a sleep together and wake up together and that he was happy.

I love him I feel bad that things turned out the way they did. I was going to get one drank and drink that was it. Then they didn’t have it and we ended up with a 6 pack. I ended up drinking most of it. I drank it to fast as well. It hit me hard.

I told Bff that last year about this time was my bad moonshine night. But that at least Saturday wasn’t near as bad as last year when all that happen. That hey I didn’t scare this one off. Maybe he is a keeper and plans to stick around.

I swear at this point no more drinking this time of the year at all. I know when I should drink and when I shouldn’t just like I didn’t drink New Years eve because I knew I wasn’t in the right place mentally and that it would end up pretty bad. I was already depressed and mad that night too. I told her we needed another night like my birthday a few years ago. When we are all in a good mood and just have a good time.



{January 25, 2020}   Childhood Friends

I don’t know if you remember me telling you about reconnecting with a childhood friend back a few days before Christmas or not. If not you can go over and read Hanging Out and Catching Up.

We have talked daily since and went out I don’t even know how many times now. He took me to dinner after work on my birthday, we have been out to walk the beach after work a few times and he has been out with me and Bff a few times. Few weeks ago me and the kids “ran” into him at the park and hung out for a while.

He kind of surprised me about two weeks or so ago we went out to the beach after work to just walk. It was such a beautiful night out the moon was so high and full. The beach was lit up nice and you could see the water and where you were walking. Most the time it is pretty much black dark other than the little bit of light from the builds in the background. Still pretty dark on the edge of the beach where we walk. This night it was just a perfect night for a night walk on the beach.

We walked a good ways down and I sat down up on the dry sand looking out over the water. He came up and sat down beside me. We sat there for a long time just talking, laughing, joking around, and carrying on. The wind was starting to pick up and it was getting pretty late. He said something about getting up or going. I said I been thinking about it but don’t feel like getting up and moving. It’s just nice sitting here. He said something about it being late and the kids and things. I said yeah I know he got up and reach down grabbed my hands and pulled me up. Then he just stood there holding them. I went to move one for something and he pulled me over into him and put his arms around me and hugged me. He just held me there a minute. He looked down at me just looked at me for a long time leaned down and kissed me. I was surprised but wasn’t at the same time. Oddly enough I didn’t pull away or try to stop him. I kissed him back. We stopped, he looked at me and said you don’t know how long I have wanted to do that, pulled me into him held me again. We walked back up the beach and ended up sitting there on a bench and talking for a while longer. I took him home and dropped him off.

later when I got home he messaged me and said tonight was one of the best nights he had in a long time. He said he was scared to kiss me didn’t know how i would react. He said he was glade i didn’t freak out. That he love the time we spend together.

I laughed and asked why he thought I would freak out he said he didn’t know. I said worried you were going to have to walk back from the beach? he said or slapped. I said I wouldn’t of slapped you even if that wasn’t something I wanted. I wouldn’t make you walk back either. He said good. He said I’m just glad you didn’t maybe the start of something new. I said maybe to him saying the start of something new. He said he was okay with that.

i think we have been together every night since then. I have been going to see him before work and once in a while between jobs I will stop see him grab some food. I stop by and see him after work or we go out. He works as much as I do but does 6 days a week instead of 5. It is hard to see each other spend much time at one time together.

A few days or so after that we were at his house when I got off work we were joking around and things. We were just sitting there it was quite he asked what I was thinking or what was wrong. I  said what are we doing? He said nothing or hanging out something like that. What do you mean? I said I mean what are we doing? He said oh you mean us? I said yes us? He said I hope building something new. He said something I said I guess I am trying to figure out where you stand, what you are looking for or expected. I said I’m not looking for a fling, a one night stand, or to be one of 20 or anything else. He said one of 20? What? What do you……. He said what 20 other girls? I said yes. He said no, no it isn’t like that at all. I don’t want 20 other girls I want one, I want you, I want this. I want this now I want it in a few weeks I want it in few months. I want something long term. I am so happy with you and have such strong feelings for you. He said every day we spend together I feel closer and closer to you and they get stronger. He said you are so busy have so much to do you still make time for me, we laugh, we joke, we play and have fun. We have conversations and help each other. He said I am very happy. He said I know you don’t want to get married again I am okay with that, I know you don’t want anymore kids, that is fine, I don’t want more either mine are grown. I know you have kids, I know they come first, I know you are very busy and we can’t spend time together all the time. I understand they should come first, you do what you have to do to take care of you and them. I am here to support you anyway I can and will help you anyway I can. He said I know you want to take things slow and you don’t want to bring the kids into it to soon or tell them to soon. He said that is fine I understand and you are right. You do have to protect them and do what you feel is best for them as you should. He said I am not going to come between you and your kids or get mad at you for doing what you need to for them and/or you. He said I am going to be here how ever long it takes to get to a point to tell them and them to be okay with it all.

I said because you know we have been friends for a long time. he said childhood friends. I said yes and I like our friendship and don’t want to lose that. I said I don’t want to be hurt again. So if you aren’t in it for more than here and now or just until your bored or something better comes along I don’t even want to do this I wan to stay friends and be done. He said no I don’t want to lose our friendship either I wouldn’t do this for just here and now or anything like that.

When I first said something he thought I was worried about his ex coming back in the picture and him getting back with her. I said no that isn’t what I am worried about at all. I said I know how it is when you hit that point of being done. I said just talking to you listening to you when you talk and all that went on I can tell you are done and I don’t think you would go back to that at all. That is when I said something about being one of 20 others or something like that.

Another time we were talking and talking about moving and things. My lease is up in March I want to move out of my house. I was looking at moving up where J and her husband Jr. are. He don’t want to move. He said over and over he is home he don’t want to move or isn’t. One night he was saying something about it. He said well I say that now but I don’t know what may happen down the road. Later another time we were talking about moving and things. I said I was torn now because I want to move away but then he is here and things. He said for me to do what I needed to do for me and the kids what was best for us and things. he understood. That just hit me wrong and bothered me. We were messaging at the time it bothered me I kept thinking about it for a while. Later that night or a night or so later I went over to his house after work. We were laying there talking across the bed. I said something about it. He said he didn’t want me to feel bad he wouldn’t like it but he understood that me and the kids need to have an easier or better life. If that meant being away from here he understood and things. I said if that is how you feel I wish we never went this far with things. I said it’s like you don’t even care after saying all this just a few nights/week ago. He got upset he said what how are you going to say that I do care about you but you can’t put your life on hold for me. We talked a little more i went home. I wasn’t mad he wasn’t mad just talking and it was late.

Monday this week I think it was I went over and we were watching tv relaxing talking about our day or what. Later we went and laid on his bed my back was killing me and I just wan’t feeling good. I been in the er over the weekend and things. We laid there talked for a while. He ask me what was wrong what I was thinking about. I said nothing. He said he knew i was the way I had been all night. He said just talk to me you can’t keep it all bottled up.

I finally just told him, I’m scared. He said scared? I said of being hurt, I don’t want to be hurt again. He said honey I’m not going to hurt you. I know what the others done. I am not like that, I don’t want to see you upset or hurt, i want to see you smile and be there beside you helping you protecting you. I care to much about you to hurt you. I know how it is I have been hurt dealt with a lot as well.

I said you don’t understand, i said with Little Bities dad we went from i want to get married, i want you to adopt my two boys, baby on the way, taking a loan out on my truck to……..I don’t want this, I don’t want any of this I’m leaving in a weekend. I said I put everything on hold to be with him because we had plans to do things together. He did that and i ended up screwed in the end.

He kept saying I know I’m so sorry that happen to you I’m not them. I will not do you that way I want you in my life I am so happy I want this I want you.

I said i know we just got together trying this trying to see where it goes. We already know each other pretty well so that changes the dynamics of things some. But I have some big decisions to make here fairly quick. With in the next 3 to 6 months and a lot i have to make now and start putting into motion. I can’t just wait until the last minute to do something. He said I know I told you already. I said yes I know but I want us, I want to give this a good chance and make something of it. But I don’t want to go lock myself into things, spend my money and a few days later or months your gone.

He just keeps saying no I’m not like that I want to be with you, I am so happy with you. I want whats best for you and the kids but I want us too and I am here to help you anyway I can with whatever you need if you stay here. I don’t want you to go and to lose you. But I don’t want you to struggle and things either. I’m willing to help you as much as I can and you will let me.

I said so where do you see us in 6 months to a year? What do you want or where do you want us to be?

I don’t remember what he said exactly but basically us together, a stronger relationship, me and the kids in a new places around here, meeting the kids and forming a relationship with them and that hopefully being able to give me more help, me not working two jobs and struggling being home in the evening with the kids. I told him I wanted to work both for a little while once I got moved and would have to in the be gaining. We  hope to get somewhere cheaper than where I am now. So I can only work one job and not two. He said no I needed to be home with the kids and that he would hopefully be helping me more then too. That he hopes that we move in together down the road once the kids know what all is going on they have all had time to adjust and bond some. He said if the kids are okay with it us living together at some point but I know it will take a while. I am willing to wait until the time is right for you and them.

I told him if he was planing on moving in at some point then we should probably work on finding a place together. Then once the kids know and if or when we all decide it be okay for him to move in we will be somewhere that works for all of us. He said yes and that he would like that and wants to help me find something that will work good for me and the kids as well as him.

I told him with Little Bitties dad I was planing a future with him, working towards it and doing everything i could to make things happen. But he wasn’t what happen.

Thats when i ask him where he see’s us in 6 months to a year? That we need to find a house together if we plan to do that. I don’t want to move again in a year i want to be where ever i end up for at least 2 years. (Long term plans and goals.) He has a large dog so we need some where he can take him. Like i told him i put that i have two dogs on the lease put him on it with my dog. That way he can bring him over when he comes and he has some trips he has to take the dog can stay there when he does. Dogs are hard to get in places it is better to get them in when you first move in than later.

We were talking later I told him I think I want to wait until I move to bring the kids into it all and let them know what is going on. He is going to help me move so they will meet him get to know him some then but not a lot. He is just a friend coming over to help me move is all. But this way my mother will be out of the house, I will have my house back to me and the kids. We can relax and have people over do things without dealing with her or her being in the middle of everything and putting her unwanted two cents in. Like I told him I don’t need to hear from her why I should or shouldn’t be doing what I am doing. I don’t need her telling me kids things about me because me and him are together or about him because we are together. I said I don’t know what she is going to say or how she will react and I really don’t care because nothing she says or does is going to change things. I just don’t want to deal with her and I don’t want her saying things to me kids because she gets pissed off or don’t like it or whatever to make them think anything about him. It is up to them all to get to know him give him a chance and figure out what they think of him without her or my input about it all. He said that was fine he understood. I said plus that will put us being together about 3 to 4 months. Once he helps us move they meet him and we are settled into our own place he can come over hangout they can get to know him better.

Once they know we are together and things we can talk about him moving in and things. Like I told him maybe around October or sometime after. Maybe not until the end of the year or this time next year. It all really depends how things are going between me and him as well on if he meets the kids and we tell them what is going on one I get moved. If I am not ready he can hang out as a friend or what until I feel it is right. But things are going really well right now so hopefully they just get better and things work out how we would like. I really don’t want to rush things but I think that if things are going good telling the kids the end of March or be gaining of April would be okay and if things are going well and kids are up to it thinking about him moving in sometime in October or around there would be okay. Maybe a little soon I don’t know. How do we ever know when the right time is? All I can do is take it a day at a time and see how it goes.

But I can say this I am happier than I have ever been. Bff says she has never seen me like this not even with RC. She said it was so different with him compared to me and JW. She says you are always smiling and just so happy. She said you weren’t even that way with RC. But like I told her things were different for me and him because we both had kids and little kids. So we were dealing with a whole different ball game than me and JW. JW has kids but his kids are grown, they are like 18,21 and 22 I think. He is willing to take things slow, he is willing to wait. He understand I have kids, jobs, other things to take care of. He is willing to take things slow and to help and he wants to be there and wants to build and grow. He is looking for a relationship, he isn’t looking for someone to move in and step into the mom and maid roll. That was what RC was looking for really. JW wants to help and wants to be together. He don’t really need or want anything from me. He is dealing with and compromising a lot to be with me, way more than I am to be with him. Like he said it won’t always be that way. Once things settle down they will even out we will be able to be more of a team and things.

I believe him i don’t feel anyway about it. Like with RC i always from the start felt that there was more or something i was missing i needed to know about. I don’t feel that way about him. He was raised different he is a completely different than guys i normally date. He holds doors opens my car door will do anything for me i don’t have to ask. We go out he is always paying. I tell him i can pay or buy my own he gets mad. He says i told you if we go out you aren’t paying for anything. I tell him i know but he cant all the time. He just says he has it i need to take care of the kids. Me and bff went to lunch the other day. I bought him lunch sent him. He was surprised. Bff dropped it of she was going by there i had to get back to work rode with her.

I really think he means what he is saying. I don’t know. Even though i feel he does my mind tries to go over all the reasons he is lying or what he is hiding. I know he isn’t i know its all in my head. I am trying really hard to ignore it. When we are together just quite it wants to wonder to the what if’s.

After we talked the other night something was said about how things are or were that i need to know or what. He said babe anytime you need or want to talk we can if something is bothering you talk to me about it. I don’t mind i understand. It isn’t easy to trust again. Its alright.



I wanted to get this up and going the first week of the month but I have been a little distracted with life and all that comes with it. Some good, some bad but getting through and doing alright. That’s other post later on. But since I didn’t get to really start last week we will get the ball rolling now.

So what does attract you when it comes to love?

This was a hard one for me for a long time and I think I have just come to really figure it out and even out a little bit. I have never been one to really judge anyone where ever they were at in life if they were trying and progressing in some way. I would consider or give a lot of people chances. not because I’m desperate or can’t get anyone but just because I know what it is like to be in hard spots, fall on tough times and know how hard it is to claw your way out of them sometimes.

But at the same time I think that I was maybe a little to understanding, over looked a little to much and helped make excuses. I do believe that everyone can move from where they are and move up if they want it bad enough and look in the right places. But you quickly learn that most are where they are because they are happy there and it is what works for them. Even if it isn’t that great. They have no desire or drive to have more. In order to have more they would have to put in more of an effort and get up and do something. Like maybe get a better job where they are working more than a few hours a week, or somewhere they make more money or they may need to get a 2nd job for a while.

It isn’t easy to pull yourself out of a bed spot. But when I look at where I was, where I have been, how far I have come and the fact that I have basically done it on my own, I can’t feel sorry for anyone or make excuses for anyone really. Because if I can do it then there is no reason a grow man not taking care of anything but himself can’t. I know a lot of single dads who are doing it as well who have their kids full time as well.

That is what really made it hit me one day. I was at the store and two or three grown men come up asking me for money. I am just looking at them like they have lost their minds. Most have nothing wrong with them but they need their next fix, you can tell. It made me mad I work my ass off they are doing this want want money. Then I started looking at others and where they are and what they are doing and where they were and how far they have or haven’t come and it is like is anyone really trying? It changed my views thoughts and opinion on a lot of things.

Anyway back to topic at hand here. What attracts you?

I am looking for someone that first and for most they have to have goals, ambitions or whatever you call them. I am always changing and always growing and always striving to do better, be better, have better. I like to do new things, try new things, change things up. I don’t want the best of the best, or feel like I need to be better than anyone or have better than anyone. I am happy with who I am and what I have at this point in life because I know it isn’t all there is and that if and when I want something different I can make that happen.

It is more about not being happy just existing, not being happy with just getting by or just mundane doing the same thing over and over again. You have to have a purpose in life or it just has no meaning. If someone don’t have that it is a no go for me. I can’t drag someone around or pull them up when they have no desire for anything more than what they are doing. I also can’t be happy just joining them where they are and sitting.

I want someone who is on level with me or damn near close. I do care where you are what you are doing where you came from how far you have come and what you are doing to keep going and get better do better have better or what.

I want someone that understands my kids come first and have to because I am all they have.

I need someone who is going to ask questions and wants to understan where I am coming from why I do what I do. Someone who I can have conversations with and get somewhere not just small talk.

I want someone who loves me for me not what I can do for them give them or have.

I want someone that wants a family not just a fling or girlfriend.



{January 2, 2020}   New Years Eve

How was your New Year’s eve? Mine was alright I guess. I went out with J.W., he was at his friends house that is two houses away from mine. I can stand in their yard and see mine. It was alright, I was feeling very torn and guilty. I got the whole I shouldn’t be going out blah blah bad mom and all that went along with it. I got over there and there were a ton of teens hanging out and running around, didn’t make things any better. I hate to hangout with others kids on nights like that and when I don’t have mine with me. Being with a house full of people I don’t know didn’t help. By the time I got out of the house and went to meet him I was already not in a good mood and not in the mood to drink. I knew if I did I wouldn’t stop and it wouldn’t be good and I didn’t want to be stuck at these peoples house or to go home and I didn’t want to drink like that just meeting these people. But I wanted to drink. I just hung out and once midnight hit I left. I had told J.W I wanted to leave before midnight but he didn’t want me to go. He wanted to go but wanted to hangout there until midnight. It was like 10:30. We stood outside and talked for a long time. Once it got close to midnight we went inside and watched the ball drop and left shortly after that.

I wanted one of those lantern things that you light and it floats away to take to the beach. I went to about three stores and couldn’t find one. We ended up just going out to the beach and walking down the beach and talking. We walked a lot further down than we had the other night. But the other night it started raining. The kids started calling new years and I told them I would be home in a while. We looked and seen how far we had made it and decided to turn around and go back. He wanted to stop and get something to eat on the way home so we did that. I did not think it would take near as long as it did but it took forever even though they weren’t busy. I didn’t get home until after 3.

Over all it was a decent night. I just wish things hadn’t worked out the way they did and I was able to be in a better mood. I messaged him later and told him again I was sorry I just had a lot going on torn and then dealing with things. This time of the year is a really hard time and then to have the holidays and trying to do all that it don’t help.

How was your New Years Eve?



{January 1, 2020}   Happy New Years

I hope you all had a great new years eve and having a great day with friends and family today.

Did you make any resolutions this year? What are they? Do you normally accomplish them? What revolutions from last year have you accomplished?



{December 26, 2019}   Hanging Out and Catching Up

Saturday night I was out with the kids, we had went to dinner and stopped at a few stores to look around. We were in the craft store and for some reason I was looking at Facebook and seen a friend in suggested people you may know. I had not talk to them in a long time. Probably 5 years or so. Other than at the store how you doing a couple of times since then. We grew up together since were pretty little.

We use to be friends online before but I had noticed he had stop posting and not been on in a while. I am not sure we are even still friends. I sent him a friend request and he accepted almost right away and sent me a message.

We talked all evening catching up, what we had been up to, where we live now and things. Come to find out his best friend lives two houses away from me. Right outside the gate of the kids school. We can see each others houses from our front yards. He lives about a mile and half up the road from us.

He told me a few times that he was off the next day and that he was going over there and things. He asked what I was going to be doing? I told him I had to finish my Christmas shopping. I would be running around. He said something else. I asked him if he wanted to go with me? He said yes it would be nice to hang out and catch up. I told him what time I would be leaving my house and headed to his. We talked for a while still and finally stopped so we could get some sleep.

Sunday I got things I needed to do done and went over and picked him up. I headed up to one of the stores I needed to make sure I got to before they closed since they closed the earliest. Then I thought I hadn’t asked him if he had a time he needed to be home, where he needed to go since he had said he needed to do some last minute shopping as well. I asked him he laughed and said he didn’t really have a time to be back and he could get something where ever. He said he was just supposed to go to his friends house sometime that day but in no rush.

We talked and laughed all day and ran around shopping. He said he was hungry so we stopped he bought lunch. It was a nice day over all. I realized at some point it was later than I thought and asked him if he wanted me to drop him off at home or his friends house? I had a few other things I was going to go do. He said nope I’m in no hurry unless you want rid of me. I’m enjoying myself and the day, it’s been a long time since we hung out and got to catch up. He kept saying different times he was having a good time, and how nice it was hanging out.

He picked up a toy for his friends little girl why we were at one of the stores and the gift he needed for Christmas we stopped at his house for something and he took them in and dropped them off. He showed me his new place and was excited about it. He said he just got it October. He broke up with his girlfriend in September. His boss helped him find this place and get into it. It isn’t a million dollars like most things around here.

He had me drop him off at home and then went over to his friends later. He messaged me all evening and that night. I finally told him he better get off his phone and hangout with his friends. He said okay I’ll talk to you when I get home. I said okay. We have talked off and on all day since Saturday when he first messaged me. He tried to get me to go out with him and his friends Sunday night but I told him I had to do the tree with the kids and things. He said oh yeah he forgot.

Then Monday he asked me about the tree and I told him the Disaster I ended up with and that I was going shopping after work. That is when he went and done what he did.

We are going out for my birthday this evening when I get off at my night job. I am leaving at 9 tonight. He wants to go and I think Bff is going and maybe a few other friends. When I said something he was the first to respond and say he wanted to go.

Sunday night after I had dropped him off I thought of something and messaged him. I asked him if he remembered my birthday party when I was little and lived over on the other side of the neighborhood where I live now? Him and his brother spending the night and him having his skateboard. He said yes I was just learning to skateboard then. I asked if he remembered the fight we got into? He didn’t. I told him about it. I had his board in the street laying on it pushing myself around and he wanted it back and I wouldn’t give it back. He dumped me off of it in the street. Now we are in the street fighting over it. He had one set of wheels I had the other it was upside down. (I have told this on here before but can’t find it) I some how got it away from him and smacked him in the head with it pretty hard. I got my ass busted and sent to my room. He laughed and said no he didn’t remember that. I said probably because it wasn’t his party and he wasn’t the one that got his ass busted that time. Some of us was always getting our ass busted for something back then. He said sorry, I said your sorry I’m the one that smacked you in the head with a skateboard Lol.

I have enjoyed talking to him and hanging out. Like he said it was nice to catch up, vent and just have a relaxed day.

It’s nice to catch up and meet up with old friends. I had just been telling someone else a day or two before that, that I missed hanging out with old friends and not seeing them or talking to them like I use to when my older kids were little. That my kids missed growing up with their kids like they were. I just isolated us so much when everything got bad with Father of the year and after. I am going to try and put together a pot luck kind of thing at the park I think and invite everyone. Maybe try to plan something once a month or something for us all to get together or the ones that can. Maybe different places the kids can play and have fun sometimes other times just adult day or night out. get everyone back together again because a lot are saying they hardly see anyone as well or here and there or just a few. I think it will be nice.



{December 24, 2019}   Christmas Tree Disaster

It is now Christmas Eve and we just finished with putting the tree up. I started this post late Monday night early Tuesday morning. I went met him and got the tree Monday night after work.

 

We still have not put a tree up. We were going to Sunday evening and that blew up.

Little Bitty was all excited when I said it was time to put the tree up. She ran to my room and brought it out.

I opened the box and there was no tree. All that was in the box was a house, metal tree thing and few other odds and ends. But closed in the box it was just enough weight it felt like the tree. I figured he was probably looking for that stuff and has no idea where it is.

I go get the white tree from last year and parts were missing. We couldn’t even put the legs in it. I told them to toss it in the trash I would get one the next night on my way home.

Today Pops came in and I asked him if he was missing anything. He said he didn’t think so why? I told him what happen. He was shocked and confused. Then started telling me he was sorry he didn’t know. I laughed told him not to worry about it. He was upset.

In the meantime a friend knew we were going to put it up and asked about it. I told him what happen. He asked if I had got one later this after noon. I told him no I was going to stop at the stores on the way home last night.

He said let him see what he could do. I told him I would take care of it he didn’t have to do that. He just got his own place and he is trying to get things and a car. I knew he didn’t have away to run all over.

Well tonight about 8 p.m. he sent me a picture of a Christmas tree. He said I had to work some magic but got you one. He said it isn’t the one you wanted (before I knew what he was doing I told him about the one I was looking for) you can take it back but it’s all I could get.

I said no it’s great I wasn’t sure I would even find what I was looking for. I am just happy to have one at this point. I told him thank you and ask him how much it was. He said nothing it is yours I am happy to help. I told him I would come by after work. He said a friend he knew from work came in he told her he needed a tree and ask her to run up the street to the store and find one. She ended up at the big store before she found it. I gave him a hug told him thank you again.

He said I know you work a lot and trying, this keeps you from having to run around all night after work in the cold. I’m glad to do it.

I am so thankful, I was so tired and truly didn’t want to go to the store. It was nice to have someone do something so simple for me as run and find that and get it. Even if I paid for it. It just takes something off my to do list and that never happens unless I have done it.

We were talking about it and he said I like to see you smile and if I could do that and help make you smile I’m happy. Mind you have not seen or spoken to this friend in years. That is another post.

 



{December 2, 2019}   More Cancer

Bff called Friday and we were talking. She said I have to tell you something I don’t know what to do or how to handle it. You can’t tell anyone or say anything about anything. I said I’m not what is it? She said sleeping beauty has cancer. I said I knew something was wrong he had something. I told her a few weeks ago he had something she said oh no she had been to the doctor they tested him for AIDS and everything. I said I am telling you he has something he knows it. He made the comment to me to many times he was scared and what he has and what was wrong with him. She kept saying no and she been at the hospital with him they told her everything and talked to him she was right there.

She said that he told them at the hospital not to say any thing to her or in front of her. HIPAA keeps them from saying anything. Just like she said they treated him like a druggie and hardly gave him anything for pain. I said because they seen what he was a mile away and then they did a drug test on him to prove it and it told them everything they already knew. But again they couldn’t tell you.

She said he just told his family Thanksgiving about the cancer and that his mom had taken him to some doctors appointments already. I said he needs to go back up there with his mom and let her take care of him and take him where he needs to go and things. I said you don’t need to take on taking care of him and having to take off and take him all over the place. It sucks but he has done nothing but take advantage of  you for over a year now and still doing it. She of course says yeah I know. In other words yeah she knows but she isn’t going to do it and will probably end up being his care taker until whatever happens. Putting herself in more of a jam and at this point maybe losing her job. Because what I have heard from a few people between him and a guy at work she has already been in trouble and written up.

I don’t know it is bad but what can you say or do and the fact that he is sick now does not change all that he has done until now. I hate to see anything happen to him but it isn’t other’s place to take care of him when he has done nothing to take care of himself all this time and done nothing but used people and still using them.

She told me the other week he was working with the dumb ass that worked at the shop with us who messed the breaks up on my truck. I thought he would of been smart enough to get paid right away so that he would get paid. Then she tells me when we are talking about all this that nope he has worked weeks or maybe months now and has not been paid and that the dumb ass is saying he is waiting for this and that and to be paid so he hasn’t paid him. I said oh well then your both lost your mind if you really think he is going to get paid anything at this point. I said you both know him very well and know if he did not get paid when the work was done you aren’t going to get paid. I said he is the most lying, scamming coning pos out there. Well he is going to be pay pal this weekend and give him some money. I said yeah don’t hold your breath. She is waiting for this to help buy Christmas. Oh well she wants to be stupid about things and do all this knowing what she knows and been told and after everything that has happen that is on her. She said his family said she is the only one that hasn’t given up on him blah, blah. How is mom babied him and this is why he is the way he is. I said she is right, this is what i have said to you for how long now? You and her both baby him and enable him. I said there is a difference in being there and not giving up and enabling and being used. I said and all you have done is allow yourself to be used. She started with well he is good for the kids…..I said no he isn’t, what is he teaching x her son? That he don’t have to work to just find a women who does and that will let him live off of them? That he can do his drugs and treat them how ever he wants? I said at least his dad worked and taught him to get off his ass and work for what you want and to make away for himself. I said this one is undoing that and you have no one but your self to blame for that. I said what is he teaching your youngest daughter who just loves him and he has “helped” so much as you say? What that she is supposed to work her ass off to take care of a grown man that refuses to work and pay his way? Then if something happens to him to keep paying his way and then take care of him as well?

Of course she is all yeah but blah. blah. I said I’m not the only one that has said this to you and you know what everyone is saying is right. She said yeah, her older “son” as she calls him the one from the shop that lived with them keeps asking her why he is there and that she needs to get him out of there and everything. I said well he is right.



{November 19, 2019}   Took Time For Myself

I had not been out in months, probably 4 or more. All my time lately has been at work or out with the kids doing something with them. I was starting to feel irritated and in a bad mood all the time. I didn’t want to be at work, I didn’t want to be at home or around the kids. If you are a parent I am sure you know that feeling when you haven’t had a break and your busy with no time to yourself.

My “friend” messaged me during the week and asked if I wanted to go out for a while. I told him I couldn’t go out until Saturday around 8. I never go out on Saturday but I needed the break and figured that by 8 the kids would be settled. We had plans during the day and I figured I would take them to dinner. By 8 they could settle for the night watch movies and play until they went to bed.

I got home and out around 7 and messaged him to see what he was doing. He said he wasn’t ready he was just starting to get ready. I told him that was fine. I had a few things to take care of to let me know when he was done. I went and put my check in the bank and stopped at the pharmacy. He told me he was ready and asked if I wanted to meet at his house and take his car? So I went over there.

We ended up going up to the pool hall having a few drinks, played some pool and talked. We went back to his place and talked for a while and I was home by 11. But it was a nice relaxing night and a much needed break.

I think I am going to see if others want to go shoot some games of pool or darts maybe once a week or every few weeks. I use to be so good at pool and now I am horrible at it. But I love to play. Darts I have never played out anywhere just at houses but had a lot of fun playing. It be better than going and sitting listening to a bunch of people that can’t sing and eating all the time. I am going to ask around tomorrow see who would be interested in going.



et cetera
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