Single___Parent___Life











{February 10, 2020}   Finally Another Beach Night

Saturday Bff called and said she was going out so I went with her. We picked up JW and went to a pool hall over on the Island. We got there it was packed and none of us really wanted to stay. We left and was going to go to Apple bee’s or this other little place I go sometimes. I wasn’t really in the mood to be out around people. I said lets go to the beach. We can get some drinks and take out there walk or just sit and talk. We decided to do that.

Then she was talking to a friend she hadn’t seen in a while and he decides to go with us. We went back and picked him up and got stuff to drink. We went to the pier where I always go and some lady told her they were closed. I tried to tell her we park their all the time it did not matter she was scared and left. We ended up about 6 blocks or more down and parked. We all walked out there started walking down the beach. Next thing I know we look behind us they aren’t there. They had sat down somewhere. We kept walking for a ways and decided we were ready so we turned around to find them.

We sat and talked for a while once we found them then in a bit they got up and started walking again. I was like wait I want to go back to the truck give us the keys. She wouldn’t said we would leave her or what we would do in her truck or something. I said I am tipsy I am not driving and he can’t either. By then they were away from us.

I had to go to the bathroom and decided we were going to walk up this walk off the beach to see if there was a store or something around. We got over the walk and there was the bar. I said we found a bar and a nice big truck. JW laughed said you and your big trucks. I said yep like my trucks. Lets take that one for a ride joking.

The way the bar is set up it different since it is right there by the beach. Its long two sides then all open on the end you walk the length you come in the front walk straight out the back or vs versa. Most of it you are sitting outside. I said lets walk around to the front and come in because it was crawled in the back and all through the place. I really had to go and did not see the bathroom from where we were. We walked around he had one of the beers we had with is open drinking it. I said they are going to make you get rid of that.

We got to the front there were bikes parked there a group of bikers and the bouncer standing around. I knew they were going to stop him I stepped through them walked in amd straight to the bathroom that was right there by the door. As I walked into the bathroom I heard the bouncer say something to him about his drink. I thought yep knew it. He going to be standing outside or arguing with this bouncer when I get back out there. I come out look around he is standing in the bar watching the fight no drink. He come over we walked out. I said what happen? What did he say about your drink? JW said he told me no drinks outside the bar I had to stay inside with it, I said yes I understand walked in with it and finished it so we could leave. He thought we had just come around the building from outback drinking.

After that we walked back down to the beach and started walking back toward where we had parked. Anyone that has been to the beach knows that if you park walk down the beach it is hard enough to find where you came down at if you walk to far down but if you come up on the street and try to walk back you may never find your car. In the dark you may as well forget it. That is why I park at the pier and walk down. I know when I get back to the pier I am where I need to be. Anyway Saturday when we first got down on the beach I stopped was looking back at the walk, the buildings everything around. He said what are you doing? I said looking around. I was looking to see something that would make me remember where we came down and parked. Off we went down the beach. We got back to where we came down and walked up the boardwalk, he was asking if I was sure that was where we came up. We walked up on the walk stood there talking for a bit and he walked down to see if the truck was there. It was he came back. I thought we were going back to the tuck. I started walking toward the truck and thought he was behind me. I guess he went to tell them we found the truck I started walking because I figured they were who knows how far down and I was just in my moods to walk. I walked up to the street and started walking. About the time I got down to the pier he was calling me asking where I was at. I told him and I kept walking. He said they were coming to get me I told them I was walking up to my old job to go to the bathroom again. They were telling me no stay there everything. I told them I crossed A1A and was almost at my old job but they were closed. By that time they were there. We went up to the little store and then to get something to eat. Her and her friend took us to his place and dropped us off. I stayed there for the night.

Saturday was 5 years since my dad passed and I was already not in the greatest moods. Feeling really depressed and then the kids decided that they were going to fight like hell all day. I Tried to take them out and got pissed off and took them home and gave them dinner and got them ready for bed. I took Little Bitty to bed and made her go to sleep before I left because she was the main cause of all the fighting. Then I left. Bff was going to pick me up and I decided to leave take my car. I called her and told her to meet me at his house instead. If I wanted then I could stay there and would have my car. The mood I was in I was not going to drink at all because I knew it would turn out bad.

I ended up laying in the back seat in his lap and crying. Bff said I was telling them they knew not to let me drink. That when we got back to his place she thought I made him man and he was going to leave me and I was going to have to go home with her that night. I guess me and her friend was talking about relationships, sex, and things like that. Her friend said something about going in and being with him, I guess I said I didn’t want to do him. I didn’t mean it that way, I just meant that we had talked about it and wasn’t rushing into things and the mood I was in I didn’t want to be with him like that. I want that to be when I am in a better mood we are both into it. She said at some point around there he kind of put his hands up and walked away to the house. I told her I didn’t think he was mad that everything seemed find when I had left that morning.

We talked a while before I left and I told him I was sorry and things. That I knew it was a bad time that I shouldn’t have drank. He was just like no big deal, it was fine, I didn’t do anything wrong, they been there, he understood. That I wasn’t going to get rid of him that easy. I had a lot on my plate and to deal with and he just wanted to help me with that and that we all need a break sometimes, that it wasn’t that much of one but he hoped it was something. That is was so nice to fall a sleep together and wake up together and that he was happy.

I love him I feel bad that things turned out the way they did. I was going to get one drank and drink that was it. Then they didn’t have it and we ended up with a 6 pack. I ended up drinking most of it. I drank it to fast as well. It hit me hard.

I told Bff that last year about this time was my bad moonshine night. But that at least Saturday wasn’t near as bad as last year when all that happen. That hey I didn’t scare this one off. Maybe he is a keeper and plans to stick around.

I swear at this point no more drinking this time of the year at all. I know when I should drink and when I shouldn’t just like I didn’t drink New Years eve because I knew I wasn’t in the right place mentally and that it would end up pretty bad. I was already depressed and mad that night too. I told her we needed another night like my birthday a few years ago. When we are all in a good mood and just have a good time.



{January 1, 2020}   Happy New Years

I hope you all had a great new years eve and having a great day with friends and family today.

Did you make any resolutions this year? What are they? Do you normally accomplish them? What revolutions from last year have you accomplished?



{November 19, 2019}   Took Time For Myself

I had not been out in months, probably 4 or more. All my time lately has been at work or out with the kids doing something with them. I was starting to feel irritated and in a bad mood all the time. I didn’t want to be at work, I didn’t want to be at home or around the kids. If you are a parent I am sure you know that feeling when you haven’t had a break and your busy with no time to yourself.

My “friend” messaged me during the week and asked if I wanted to go out for a while. I told him I couldn’t go out until Saturday around 8. I never go out on Saturday but I needed the break and figured that by 8 the kids would be settled. We had plans during the day and I figured I would take them to dinner. By 8 they could settle for the night watch movies and play until they went to bed.

I got home and out around 7 and messaged him to see what he was doing. He said he wasn’t ready he was just starting to get ready. I told him that was fine. I had a few things to take care of to let me know when he was done. I went and put my check in the bank and stopped at the pharmacy. He told me he was ready and asked if I wanted to meet at his house and take his car? So I went over there.

We ended up going up to the pool hall having a few drinks, played some pool and talked. We went back to his place and talked for a while and I was home by 11. But it was a nice relaxing night and a much needed break.

I think I am going to see if others want to go shoot some games of pool or darts maybe once a week or every few weeks. I use to be so good at pool and now I am horrible at it. But I love to play. Darts I have never played out anywhere just at houses but had a lot of fun playing. It be better than going and sitting listening to a bunch of people that can’t sing and eating all the time. I am going to ask around tomorrow see who would be interested in going.



{November 18, 2019}   The Really You–Season 1–Game 2

As I have not been on in a few days I had a little catching up to do. Glad they were only on 2.

So here goes my answers for Season 1-Game 2 of The Really You

Do you hoard clutter or constantly de-clutter?

I am a middle of the road kind of person. I hoard but not on purpose. I get things to do things with and then get busy and don’t get to them. Or I lay things like kids school work on my dresser so I can look at it later and it is now over taken my dresser.

But it isn’t like paths through my house, can’t cook or sleep in the beds or rats and things kind of hoarding. And I every so often do go through and toss everything or donate it. I just have to get in the mood and have time. I work so much and try to spend free time with the kids I hardly have a minute other wise. But it starts to bug me and I start tossing. That’s the best time because I will just toss or donate not think about well maybe or move it out of the way to somewhere else. I also go through at least once a year and go through every dresser, closet,cabinet,trunk,Ben, or anything else that could have something put into it and clean out all the out of sight out of mind junk that gets forgotten about.

Do you enjoy cooking – if so what is your ‘special dish’  and if not ‘what is the dish you wish you could create?

I like to cook when I have time and people are not underfoot. I don’t like to be rushed, I like to know that if it takes an hour or two that is okay. One thing I really like to make is Oven Fried Pork Chops with cooked apples and green-beans. I will make two kinds of the Oven Fried Pork Chops. The apples are good but haven’t been able to get them to turn out just how I want them. I need to sit down and look as some recipes, I just haven’t had time. It isn’t something I make often.

What are we likely to find in your condiment cupboard?

Adobo, Worcestershire sauce, Garlic powder, minced onions, oregano, Montreal steak seasoning, Bay leaf, thyme, cinnamon, sea salt maybe a few others. Marinades I picked up to try and some things my oldest picked up to use when she is cooking, She is always wanting to cook and try new things. My main go to are Adobo, Steak seasoning and Worcestershire. You can use one of the three on just about anything and everything.



{November 8, 2019}   Shit Talking 101

I told you a while back in my post 34 to 54 and Us in-between about the one driver at my night job trying to take me and the other guy I work with at night out for a drink and to hang out. When he said no he kept asking me. We have been messaging back and forth and talk on the phone once in awhile. But that is it nothing else at all. He keeps trying to get me to go out with him and meet him and “help” him out. We mostly just joke around.

He said to me the other day I know nothing is ever going to happen between us, your just easy to talk to, joke around with and fun to talk to. I’m not trying to offend you or make you made. I said nope don’t make me mad. Takes a lot to get to me or make me made.

So he is always saying stuff and talking shit. I told him the other day all you guys take that same Shit Talking 101 class and think you are the man. You all say the same thing and it gets none of you anywhere. He comes off with class I wrote the book. Blah, blah. I laughed and told him I wouldn’t admit to that. Later I told him, he may want to rewrite that book and do some more research. It comes up here and there I say something about that class. He said something I said you really should just burn the book. He said yeah I think you are right. It has been no help so far.

He said something about getting together maybe if he kept trying one day I would change my mind.

I said you can get in line with the others but it never moves just so you know. I sent him this picture

He says I skipped and jumped ahead I’m first in line. I said first middle last next to the back or front really means nothing when the line never moves.

Another time we were talking and he was saying something and I made a wise crack. He said why do you have to be so mean and cold? Laughed. I sent

 

He made comments back and then says and as for my balls….um…um. yeah I don’t know what to say to that.

 

I replied

 

 

 

 

Last week I posted that I was looking for an office or two, to clean on the weekend. He massaged me a few days later and said he had carpet to put down in his truck and wanted to know if I wanted to clean the truck and help him lay the carpet.

I laughed at him and said oh so is that what you guys are calling it now laying carpet? He said no no really I seen you were looking to make some extra money and I need the truck cleaned. Doors, windows, windshield, shelves, bunk all that. I need the floor cleaned good so I can lay the carpet. I may need help getting it cut and laid down so it don’t take forever. I’m not trying to get you in my truck and do something. I said um hum sure I bet you have some candy too.

He said no we all pretty much keep the same truck we do what we want or with them and have to keep them clean. He said really if you talk to some of the other guys they may pay you to clean theirs out when they get back from their runs. Most don’t feel like it or want to take the time to clean them.

I told him I would have to see I wasn’t sure. That it would depend what time I got off work. it was Friday the kids wait up for me to get off and come home on Fridays since there is no school the next day. I had to go home normal time so they weren’t waiting because my little one gets tired and would fall a sleep.

I told him maybe one other night during the week when I got off since they would already be a sleep and I didn’t have to rush home. He showed up to put the carpet in the truck and show me he really had carpet and wasn’t just saying it and he really needed it cleaned. Earlier when we were messaging about it he asked me how much. I really don’t want to do it because it is late and I am tired after work. I didn’t want to do it being out there and in the truck and things because you know how people talk and I don’t want to have shit started about oh being in his truck or whatever. Even if just joking someone takes it to far and I would go off, say something and who knows where it would go from there.

I told him $25 he said that was steep, I said I don’t know never done anything like that before. He said it is only about 30 minutes worth of work probably. I said I don’t know how much is it worth or what do you think? What were you thinking to pay? He said no I pay it that is alright. I am just thinking it is late, I am doing this during the week after working two full shifts, I’m tired and even if it is only 30 minutes of work is it worth it to me for less than $25? It is a one time thing not full time like if it was an office or what i was looking for. So if he really wants it done and to make it worth it to me to do it when it is harder to do than cleaning an office really at least $25. Because I have to climb up in the truck get around and under everything in a tight space, up and down with supplies buckets of water and things to clean and clean the floor. bending under and around everything. I don’t have all that in an office I’m not bending under and around stuff to clean the fools or under the dash and things in an office. That is all hard on my back and getting all the buckets and things of water up and down. That is like cleaning bathrooms, making beds and that kind of thing that kills my back and I can’t do all the time. That is why offices are easier and I can go in there at 3 am on a Saturday or Sunday or 9 pm. As long as it is clean before they get back Monday. I am not having to do it after a double shift tired and wore out already.  I never did do it he didn’t get a hold of me over the weekend and is back out. I figure he will want to do it when he gets back. Hopefully he forgets it or does it himself.

He is a nice guy but just older than I am looking for and he isn’t looking for anything other than someone to go to dinner with or have drinks with once in a while when he is here and hook up with. I am not looking for that. I’m not looking to get into anything with anyone from work. Friends that is it nothing more.

 



Monday afternoon my friend messaged me and ask if I was ready to come over and take some xxx rated pictures for our sls profile.

I had no idea what he was talking about we don’t have a profile but had an idea. I said sis? He said yeah swingerslife style or something like that. Where couples go to meet other couples.

I made a joke about not h

Knowing about that or having time for it. He said I could make time if I wanted to. I joked and said I can’t find one he wants me to scare a room full off.

He said what guy? “I will find one for you. If you listen to me I’ll teach you what guys like 🙂”

He asked again if he could find me one and what I was looking for. I told him not just a hook up.

Then I get

??… I mean I would be looking for more with you. but I have been trying to get you to show me you can give me what I want. You dont seem to be able to though.

At this point I was getting on the highway and did not respond. I been thinking about it and how to respond to it. This was Monday we were talking. This evening I am sitting here at work and was thinking about something and went to read it and maybe try and reply. I am in one of those very odd emotional states and I am all over.

When I open it the first thing I notice it says in blue and white you can not reply to this conversation. I thought no way, what. I went outside to get a connection and sure enough he blocked me.

Why would he do that? Why would he block me because I can’t do what he is asking. I have been upfront and honest with him.

I was going to tell him look I am interested in trying to be more. But there are a few things that have kept me from it. Tell him what they are go from there.

I am willing to try and do different things but he has to understand where I am coming from and how I feel. He needs to meet in the middle. Nothing wrong with swinging or what but I’m not into that. And the being able to see eachother and things with our hours.

I was going to tell him how he has been the one there for me and how I feel. Now I dont know what to think. Is he mad? He is upset and pulling away? I just seen him last week. I am so confused. Thought about texting him. Dont know.



{May 24, 2019}   Mystery Blogger Award

mystery-blogger-award

I was given this last week around court time and with dealing with that and life the last week or so I haven’t had time to sit down and do it. Now I found myself with that free time so here it is. Hope you enjoy.

 

The creator of this award,  Okoto Oke Enigma, whose blog site is www.okotoenigmasblog.com

WHY DID I CREATE THE AWARD?
I created the award because there are a lot of amazing blogs out there that haven’t been discovered, yet. And, most of these blogs deserve recognition. For that reason, I decided to create my own award; and nominate people who can also nominate others; and so on. This is one of the best ways to create a friendly community and build a link between bloggers in the blogosphere; as everyone gets nominated and they too can spread the fun by nominating more people for the award. Here are the Rules for the Award Nominees.

The mystery blogger award

I decided to call the award “Mystery Blogger Award.” Why? Because the meaning of my name, “Enigma” is “mystery.” So basically, it’s named after myself; the creator. Plus, I think it’s cool because there are so many blogs that are still a mystery to us; and when we get to know them, it’s divine! And we find friends where we least expect.

WHAT IS MYSTERY BLOGGER AWARD?
Mystery Blogger Award” is an award for amazing bloggers with ingenious posts. Their blog not only captivates; it inspires and motivates. They are one of the best out there, and they deserve every recognition they get. This award is also for bloggers who find fun and inspiration in blogging; and they do it with so much love and passion.
– Okoto Enigma”

 

Here are the Rules for the Award Nominees:

  • Put the award logo/image on your blog.
  • List the rules.
  • Thank whoever nominated you and provide a link to their blog.
  • Mention the creator of the award and provide a link as well.
  • Tell your readers 3 things about yourself.
  • You have to nominate 10-20 people.
  • Notify your nominees by commenting on their blog.
  • Ask your nominees any 5 questions of your choice; with one weird or funny question.
  • Share a link to your best posts.

I would like to thank Grandma Auburn Designs for giving this award to me.

Three things about me, that is hard……….

I deal with depression a lot, although right now I feel good mood wise, I still have no motivation or energy, I feel myself slowly slipping into a bad place.

I have now lost over 65 lbs and only about 8 lbs from where I want to be.

Over all I think I am happier in life now than I ever have been or have been in a really long time. I am probably better off than I have ever been even when I was married.

  • QUESTIONS: I was asked

1 Where is your favorite location in the world? Why?

I haven’t really been to many places I would have to say Tennessee, it is beautiful and so laid back. 

2 Do you have a daily routine, semi-set, or wing it?

Monday-Friday is a routine most the time. The weekend is a wing it kind of time. I have a few things that have to get done but I get to them when I feel like it. 

3 When you were a child, who told the best stories?

That is hard probably my grandparents. 

4 What 4 items are always on your desk?

The only desk I have is my desk at work, 4 things always on it if I am here are my drink, phone, computer, a pen.

5 What was the last show you binge-watched?

It has been so long I don’t even remember, how sad is that. I never watch tv anymore.

My 5 questions for you……..

  1. Are you on Twitter? How can we find you?
  2. What career/job do you do?
  3. How many kids do you have?
  4. What pets do you have?
  5. Are you on time, late, or early to things?

MY Nominees are…….

I am My own Island  One of the first bloggers who started following me and I started following.

Therapy Bits is another one I follow and who follows me that I enjoy reading.

A Guy Called Bloke and K9 Doodlepip! this is one I just started following but enjoy as much as the others. He is very interactive and post interesting things.

Fractured Faith Blog

These are ones I have just found not long ago and are in my list to get to know. I have taken a look around here and there and like what I have seen so far.

jonbeckett.blog

A Dad trying to cope with the loss of his Partner and becoming a single parent

A Pause for Nature

happyasamonther

For Friends Without Borders

This Beautiful Life

 



{April 15, 2019}   Little Bitty’s Birthday

I just noticed that I hadn’t posted about Little Bitty’s birthday or the days around it. Other than about not being motivated to write and things. I thought I had written about it and just went to see if I had posted something else and seen I hadn’t posted either.

The 4th was her birthday I took off from my night job and took the kids all to the fair that was in town. We were all supposed to go, my the kids, Bff and her kids and her Aunt and her son and Sleeping Beauty. We made plans made sure we were all going to be able to make it and everything.

Then as I was running to the store and talking to Bff about heading her way and when they would be ready she got a phone call. It was Sleeping Beauty and he just got a phone call saying his aunt only had a few hours to live. He needed to go to where she was at. She said he was stuck south of us and was trying to get home, she was going to have to take him because his mom was already gone. I told her it was alright not to worry about it I would get her kids and take them do what they had to do and we would make it work.

I told Little Bitty that she wasn’t going to go what was going on. She said well Bff better go fast and get him there because she drives slow and he needs to get there fast she can’t drive slow she needs to make sure he gets there fast. She understood and was more worried about him getting there before something happen to his aunt than them not being there. She is so caring and loving.

Bff’s daughter ended up bringing her kids to the fair and meeting us there and I picked up her aunt and son and brought them with me. We all had a good time. The kids left about an hour or so earlier than we did. I don’t know why but her oldest decided to go ahead and take them home.

Little Bitty still had a good time and enjoyed her birthday.

They ended up coming home later that evening, she came around an was asking to eat and things. They headed home. I told her that they will do things like that right before it happens sometimes. That if they thought that was a good sign it probably wasn’t. She said no they knew and that someone there had said that too. But that for now she was okay and they were coming back.

That was Thursday, Friday she took him to his moms and dropped him off and he went up with her to go back and see her. She is about 2 hours from where we are maybe more. His mom is a lot closer so that worked out. She messaged me about 4 that afternoon said that she just passed.

This past Wednesday when we were all out he was sitting there next to me in the booth and he said oh yeah he said we are supposed to go to my aunts service this weekend but we aren’t going. He said his mom was over all his aunts affairs and that her kids and her had been into it. Said they were mad that she shut her credit cards down and wouldn’t let them use them and things. He said they have said and done all kinds of things to his mom and they decided they just weren’t going to go.

I said I didn’t blame them and that I understood. Isn’t it wonderful how death brings out the worse in people. I said I have seen it so much. Even my grandpa’s funeral and passing was a mess because of my aunt. He said yeah it was messed up and that it wouldn’t end good if they ended up going and things. So they were just staying home.



{April 2, 2019}   4:50 A.M.

I have not been a sleep at all tonight not even for a few minutes. I came home and was in bed by 11:30. I have 2 hours before zi have to get the kids up and ready for school. Then I have to get a fast shower and rush out of here. I have to run north of me for a minute and make a payment I forgot about. Tomorrow is the last day to make it and it has to be done in person.

Then I have to be at work by 10 to start my 14 hour day. I have back to back 14 hour days then the fair with the kids Thursday. I am going to be dying by Friday morning and still have my 11 hour day to get through.

I am so sore and tired right now but can’t sleep. I wanted to go see Mr. Responsible one day but it looks like Friday before I will make it over there. That’s if he is off work and don’t have to the next day.

Bff wants to meet me by work and all of us go out. I don’t know if I want to do that or not anymore. I am thinking I will probably wait on them meeting him. Just not in the mood right now but who knows I may change my mind by then.



{April 1, 2019}   Not Done Yet

have you ever been thinking about someone or something that is or was in your life and all of a sudden have the thought that your time or interaction with them the way you thought wasn’t over yet?

This morning I pulled into the little store to get my coffee and Sleeping Beauty messaged me and said I want a coffee too. I said then come and get it. I went in and got my coffee and got in line. He never came over I looked at my phone he messaged said he already had one. It was cold he been at work since 8:30. I said why so early because he don’t start until 10 either. He said that is when his ride dropped him off.

We talked back and forth until it was time to start work. I was kind of surprised because we have only talked once since Having a Hard Time other than when they all went out Wednesday. I was messaging Bff and we were joking around. I said I feel so unloved.

I got a text from him that said I love you. I just laughed and said I love you too. He replied oh shit that was supposed to go to so and so. I just said that is okay no one does and nothing more has been said since. I don’t know if he was surprised by my response and didn’t know what to say or what. I know it wasn’t meant for the other person because he never text her and she was sitting right there at the table together. 99% of the time she don’t have her phone on her. But whatever.

Today like I said I was kind of surprised to hear from him or that he talked. I was just thinking about everything with him all that is going on and everything. I was thinking it was nice to hear from him and just talk like friends and like we use to and things. That I do like being friends with him and that I am okay with that. That the idea of more is gone and I am okay with that. I would rather be friends than mess things up and be nothing because he is a good person and fun to hang out with and it’s nice how we all hangout and things.

I hadn’t really thought anymore about it since this morning. I thought about Thursday being Little bitty’s birthday and bff and all us supposed to go to the fair and things. I wondered if he was coming and wondered if anyone told him or asked him if he wanted to come. Me and Bff and her aunt and all the kids are going. I thought he been hanging out with us all and doing things with us all I should of asked him. I figured I would ask Bff if she said anything to him about it.

All of a sudden was like someone walked up and said things aren’t done between y’all yet. I don’t know what that is supposed to mean or how to take it, is it good? Bad? It was like someone just walked up and said it to me.

I don’t know what to think about it, I don’t have time to try and figure it out or dwell on it. I have spent enough time trying to figure things out with him and help him and everything else. I’m not worried about what may or may not happen if it is good or bad. I’m just act like it was never a thought and keep going.

 



et cetera
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