{August 5, 2018}   Figure it All Out Soon

I told Bff that an Old Friend hit me up last night and wants me to come see him when I get off work tonight. The short fling I had awhile back. He wanted me to go out on the boat with him today but I have to work so I couldn’t.

She responds back with… need to figure it all soon girl. And settle on the one you see a future with.

I said none so far. She said oh boy.

Like I told her my “friend” is a good guy but he is just into and wanting things I am not and not really willing to do.

My Old Friend is a good guy but he isn’t looking for anything but to hangout. If you seen us together you think we were together, but we aren’t. I enjoy hanging out with him I have fun. We joke, dance, darts cards go out whatever. But I just don’t see a long term with him. He wants to keep kids out of everything all together. That just isn’t do able. My kids are just to young. I don’t want to be pulled between them. I don’t want to have to always be balancing my time between them. I want to do things together. Not right away but like I said before once we been together awhile things are going good. He just wants to see what happens where or if it goes somewhere. Just have fun.

Then there is Sleeping Beauty, I can see a future with him, i can see having something with him and it lasting. But I don’t know he isn’t ready for that I don’t think. He said he wasn’t looking didn’t want anything a few months ago. Then few weeks ago he was making comments again. But then he comes out of the blue with his ex and doing things with her. He isn’t over her, I don’t want to be with someone that isn’t over their ex. Because her popping in and out them talking would not work. Wow I am surprised I just said that. Because I am pretty okay whatever when it comes to guys and who they talk to. I talk to some of my ex’s and things. I typed not even thinking about what I was typing.

But anyway I have not talk to him since I asked him what she wanted or needed from him. I do not think that is why I have not heard from him but who knows. We will go awhile and not talk then talk all the time again. Like me and my good friend. It is odd. But I guess it isn’t either so I don’t know. He knows i tell him like it is and he knows its true and the things he needs to do. But you know how it is when you know it but don’t want to hear it from some one else. You kind of back off from that person. I think that is what he does. I ask him is he mad or if I did something he always has said no. He has never said anything wrong or gotten nasty with me other thN the one time. When he was staying here then went to his moms the way he did. He said somethings then. Thats the only time.

Other than them 3 I have talked to the different guys but I haven’t been interested in anything with them.

So it isn’t that simple and easy to just pick one. It is not like any one of them is a perfect match no one ever will be. But only the one is really one I feel is close to being what I would be happy with. Then he is dealing with his own issues. That is great because he needs to and to be happy. It sucks for me but it is what it is.

I told Bff tonight maybe I am being shown something. Maybe all these young ones talking to me and things is a sighn. Maybe I am supposed to just get me a young one and just have some fun for awhile. Then worry about more later. She was like oh boy.

{November 18, 2016}   The Past isn’t Always The Past

I seen the therapist last week but since this coming week is Thanksgiving she couldn’t get me in. I am set to go back the week after Thanksgiving. So far I think I have been two or three times it was two weeks in between this week and the last time as well. I am not worried about the time between it’s fine.

My thing is that I feel like all we talk about is what has went on the last week or two since I seen her last and how I am feeling. I feel like we need to talk the past and what happen. I don’t know why I just feel like there is something there, I don’t know how to explain it. We went over the basics of what has went on the last 4 years or so but just the getting a divorce, fighting for it, RC leaving, going to school things like that.

I don’t know if it is what all went on as much as how fast it all happened. As far as how fast mine and Father of the years relationship started and then how fast mine and RC’s was. If I meet someone else is it going to be the same? I seem to go from one extreme to the other and not much in between. I really don’t want to meet someone and end up like before. I also don’t want to end up putting all my plans and wants on the back burner. I do that is why I am just now in school, I’m living where I am. If I hadn’t put my plans on the back burner then I would have moved a way from here long ago.

But I don’t know I feel like that isn’t really what she is in to. It really isn’t she is more into fixing what is wrong now. I’m not with anyone now so all that isn’t a problem right now. I don’t know maybe I am talking to the wrong person but who would I talk to I have no clue. I guess I will keep going back and see how things go.

et cetera
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