{December 18, 2019}   Inches not Pounds

I think I am losing inches but not pounds right now. As a matter of fact I know I have gained some weight back. I am over 130 and was under. I think I may have gained around 6 to 10 pounds back. not at all worried about it really. I really am okay with where I am as long as I don’t gain anymore. I wouldn’t like to be no more than 130 my goal was 120. So I could stand to lose a little to stay at the 130. But not a big deal to me right now.

My pants still fit I’m not having to go up a size. Really they are lose still and feeling bigger. This and just looking at myself the other day when I was getting dressed out of the shower I look like my waste is smaller maybe not my waste for say but my torso over all looks smaller. I thought how do I look so much smaller but gained weight but then I thought about muscle weighing more than fat and how you can lose inches but not pounds. I know how it all works but it has been a while but that is what has to come into play here. some how some way. or maybe I just seeing things through rose colored glasses. But I feel better and have noticed my pants feel bigger and I can slide my jeans off and on without unzipping or buttoning them pretty easily.

As long as I don’t gain I will be alright with whatever is happening.

{August 6, 2019}   7 Pound Gain

So I weighed myself the other day and I have gained 7 pounds. Thats horrible but really if I am honest not surprising. I have been eating a lot more lately. I always feel hungry, and that is new for me because hardly ever did I in the past.

I have been eating more junk between jobs because I’m not eating at home. I don’t eat in the mornings to often and at night it’s what I grab on the go between jobs. Most the time I grab something small or light. Lately it has been a lot of fast food. It stuck.

I felt like I probably had gained a few but then one of my new pair of pants didn’t fit. I figured maybe 5 or close. Was not expecting to see 7 almost 8.

I have to start watching what I eat start shopping for food and bringing it with me. Stop spending money out. I now have 17lbs to lose to get to my goal.

I think part of it is my depression trying to take my mind off things when I am bored can’t stop thinking all the time.

{May 3, 2019}   Talked to Mr. Responsible

The other night at work, I think Tuesday I went outside and was sitting and I messaged him. We started talking, I asked him what meds he was on when he came out of the hospital? He said he didn’t know a list. I told him what I was thinking that he was holding fluid, he said he gets rid of plenty of fluid. I said yeah but still might be. We talked back and forth he said I was on a blood pressure. I said that will make you get rid of fluids. I said I don’t know but it makes since because you started gaining about then and can’t lose and you don’t eat a lot and working all the time. I said I think you really need to get that checked out and look into it. He said yeah he probably should and thanks for looking out or bringing it up. I said you have them babies that need you, you need to take care of yourself. He said yeah I just need to find time to go to the doctor. I told him I knew how that was.

So I don’t know I hope he thinks about it and goes in to see what is up or what is going on. Because if that is what it is, it is pretty bad. I did what I could and brought it up to him. I tried last time to get him to go but he just said he was alright and it was this or that. But this time when I said that and we were talking he seem like he was thinking about it and go.

All last week all I wanted to do was eat and I did. I ate anything and everything. I gained 5 lbs. This week has been the same so far and I am not even going to step on the scale again anytime soon. I have been in a funk up and down mood swings lately. I think it is just the time of the year. We are coming up on 4 years my dad has been gone. The first two months of the year are when everything happened. I know I have never fully dealt with it and subconsiully its there even when he isn’t on my mind. Lately he is on my mind all the time.

I have decided I am just going to get through the rest of this month and next month. Then I will worry about where I am and how much I need to lose from there. I have been doing really good this far with little effort it it takes a little to get back on track it’s okay.

{August 26, 2018}   Weight Loss and Why

I just want to clear something up about my weight loss. I have had so many people tell me I didn’t need to lose, I looked fine the way I was, and I don’t need to lose more. They say I shouldn’t worry about what others think, or I should be happy with myself the way I am not always trying to lose weight and worrying how I look.

First off I do not do anything because I am worried about what others think of me. Weight or other wise. Anyone who knows me should know this by now. As for being happy with my body or myself, I am completely fine with myself the way I am. I may not 100% like something but I am not sitting around worrying about it or trying to figure out how to change it. Or wanting too change it or feeling bad over it. I decided a long time  ago this is me this is how I look at any given time and it can and will change and that is okay. I am fine with that. Whoever has a problem with it to bad that is on them.

I wasn’t trying to lose weight last year when I lost 20 something pounds all of a sudden. I just started working and my habits and things changed. I have always been that way where I will just all of a sudden drop a big amount then maintain or gain again for a while. It wasn’t like I set out to lose. I have talked about wanting to for a while but never really worked at it. The reasons I wanted to was to feel better be healthier not because of the way I look or what others think of me. I am sure I have said that before when talking about my weight. I am not comfortable at this weight, I feel the effects of being this big going up and down stairs, running with the kids and dogs and see it in the swelling and pain in my legs. I want to feel better I am not worried about looking better or finding a guy. Believe it or not it is mostly guys telling me I didn’t need to lose and don’t need to lose more. I have never had negative comments from guys at any size I have been. I don’t know why because I know a lot of women say they get comments from guys about their size a lot. Thank god I have not had that experience because it probably would not of ended well. I went off on a boss over making fat jokes and comments about another girl who worked with us. He do it to her face, I went off one day I was so over hearing it he wouldn’t let up.

I think it comes down to confidences, appearance, and how you carry yourself. Guys are attracted to women who appear to be confident and carry theirselves that way. That seems to be one of the first things they notice. Even if you are a little “bigger” or not super skinny it makes you more attractive.

Who knows I could be way off base but just from my experience and watching interactions when I am out and things. It is what I find to be true.

But there you have it I am losing weight for me, so I feel better not for any other reason. As much as I knew I needed to lose more after I lost all that last year I did not actively try or gobout of my way to. I just had another change in life situations and ended up losing another big amount as a part of it. Yes I do need to lose more to get to where I need to be and wanted to try and go ahead and lose it too. But I haven’t stuck with it, I have gained a little back but I am okay with that. I know I will go back down again and figure it is better to let my body maintain again for a bit before I decide to try again. I seem to do better if I maintain a bit after a big loss. And right now I am not into putting in the effort to lose more when it isn’t something that has to be done right now.

{July 30, 2018}   Weight Loss Update

I have not checked my weight in a few weeks maybe more. Since I posted and saod I had gain some back. I can’t check weekly to offten because I will get aggregated if I am not losing or see that O gained that pound or two. I use to check everyday or two before and one day would show no difference then the next I had lost 2lbs. Right now I haven’t been trying to lose I just have so it is a nice serprise when I step on the scale and see how much I have lost.

Even with all I have lost and going from my size 14 to 8 I hadn’t really seen it. I still have this belly that I wish would go away and my legs still look big in my thighs. I am not worried about how they look or my body. I am 100% fine with my body and how it looks, it is just that these areas are the areas for me that I notice and see the weight loss in more than anywhere for some reason. Everyone keeps saying my face looks smaller and they can see it over all that I have lost. For me I just don’t, I guess it is just because I see myself everyday maybe?

But anyway I went in the bathroom the other day and got underessed to take a shower. I got undressed and used the bathroom. I looked down and was like wow. My legs look so much smaller through my thighs and things. My belly a little but I still do not really see it there, like I do in my legs now. Now I feel better and like I have accomplished something. That I am getting somewhere.

I think I am back to maintaining not losing or gaining. I can live with that for a bit. Because I am down to the last 30lbs. I seem to lose a good amount all at once after I come out of a maintaining stage. So I will probably lose it pretty quickly once I start again. I am sure if I wanted to I can work at it and drop it but I really do not feel like it.

With not being around the last few days and then dumping a few post back to back just about. I do not remember if I told you all that as of Monday I have lost 7 lbs in just over a week. I maybe down more today but I have not checked. I don’t check often. But I know I checked last week and then Monday at my friends her scale was sitting there so I figured why not?

I am now below 160 lbs. I am very happy. I want to be back at 120/130lbs. I will probably wait until Froday or the weekend to check again. I really haven’t been trying to lose it and had gained some back. But being back at work and back to eating more normal for me has made a huge difference. Because when I am working I eat once a day. And not as much as I do when I am home.

et cetera
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