{December 18, 2019}   Re: An Almost New Game

Last night I messaged my boss and asked him if he would could ask his son to pull the game out and see what it was and everything. He said he was doing it then. In a little bit he messaged me back and said he had the slim with 500 gigs. He said he had 8 games on it as well. I asked if it was all saved or disk. He said saved. I asked him how much he wanted for it? He said tell me what you think is fair and it will be that. I had no clue what to tell him. I know new ones with no games are going for about $260.

My kids are still a little young for the games that he has I was going to tell him if he wanted to take them off that would be okay. But I had no clue what to give him as a price for it. I was at my night job horrible service and trying to decide. I didn’t respond I was going to talk to him when he came in today about it.

Today he had to be here at 10 when we opened to do some work for someone. He said he may not be here until 10:30 he had something to take care of he forgot about so I asked the people to come at 10:30 they did. He did end up going here right around 10. He had a bag with him. He sat it on my desk in front of me said this is for you. It’s the game. I said oh okay thanks and asked him how much he decided he wanted for it because I didn’t really know. I was thinking I would give him the $260 for it if he was willing to wait and let me pay him at the end of January for it and since it had all the games with it. Even though they wouldn’t play them I didn’t get to ask him to take them off and it is still way cheaper than what I would of paid for the one I have in there now.

He said no it’s for you, you can have it. We don’t use it I talked to the kids today and we agreed we just want to give it to you. I didn’t know what to say. I almost cried but stopped myself. I just told him thank you and it meant a lot to me. The kids would love it.

That just saved me $400 but now I feel bad I have to take this one back and tell them um yeah guess what I can’t use this after all someone gave me one. I know the people down there and things good so then I feel bad for taking it back. now I have to wait until the first of the year because of the way I have things set up it is going to cost me money I don’t have if I go ahead and take it back now. But hey they wouldn’t buy it either if they had basically a brand new one given to them. Why do I feel bad for returning something that is meant to be returned if you change your mind?

{December 17, 2019}   An Almost New Game

At work today me and the one owner were her and talking about a little bit of everything really. I asked him if him or his son knew about the Ps4 game systems? He said a little bit and asked why? I told him I went and got the boys one for Christmas but I knew nothing about them and was just told I may need to update it or something before wrapping. He said some of them do need to be. He said I wish I knew you were getting one I have one sitting at my house that is brand new just taking up space.

He said he bought it to play with the guys at work and things and then none of them ever bought one and don’t play. He said it has been played by me 3x ever and the kids about 5. I told him that I rented it and had to pay for it still. I told him if he was interested in selling it to let me know what kind he had and what he wanted for it. If he was willing to take a few payments on it. He said he was going to have his son pull it out hook it up go through it and see what one it is for sure how much memory it has and things and let me know tomorrow. If he has that and wants to work a deal then I will take the one I have back. I haven’t paid on it and it is twice as much as a new one. He said his don’t have the 2nd controller but I already have that I bought to go with the other.

I hope we can work out a good price and things. At least I know where this one came from and that it is basically brand new. It won’t be twice as much as a new one at the store like I am paying now. I am going to message him tonight remind him to ask his son to pull it out and check it out for me. if he can run the updates and things. He said he wouldn’t wipe it clean so the kids could keep the games and things he has bought and play them if they want to.

I know it is still a ways away but I have been thinking about the two. The boys really want a PS4 and oldest really wants a laptop still. Little Bitty wants everything and nothinng. A bunch of little things nothing as high price as the other three.

I am looking at getting the boys the ps4 together and a game to share. Try to find oldest a decent laptop. I will probably get Little Bitty a tablet and a few things.

I have made my mind up that if I can swing it and get what they want I am putting a side $150 to $200 for me for Christmas and My Birthday since it is the next day. I want another tattoo or two or three. It will depend on how much I can put away and what ones I decide to go ahead and get as to how many I will be able to get.

None of the ones I want are really all that big, but some are detailed and that can cost more than a larger piece at times. I am not sure if I still want the bird and cage on my foot or not. That will cost a decent amount probably close to $125 give or take. Probably give more than take. Unless I can get my friends guy to do them he does really good work at really good prices. He does them from home so he don’t have all the overhead to worry about. If I can’t get him for some reason then I hope the guy that did my quarter is still at the same shop and I can get him.

For the most part I want my ankle braclet, probably my bird and cage and I still want something for the little two. There are a few more that I have been tossing around but I will wait and see.

With the guy my friend uses I should be able to get all 3 and have money left depending how much I get.

I was thinking about what I would like to have and how everything gets messed up forgotten, lost or just sits to be looked at. I thought this is something I want and have wanted for a long time now. I work my ass off to make sure bills, rent and everything else is paid. The kids may not have everything they want but they have everything they need. So if I can give them what they want for Christmas why not give myself something for a change?

Sleeping Beauty never showed on Sunday for dinner or to fix Bff’s headlight like he was supposed to. He was supposed to do it Friday and didn’t show, then Saturday and didn’t show. He worked late and then had to work Saturday and was supposed to come after that but he had to work and worked later and got in a fight with the boss and all this. Sunday he told her he was trying to get a ride home all day he couldn’t get a ride. Then he said his mom was in the hospital. He finally got a ride about 6 and was about half way home. She asked if he was coming and if he was moving down the street like he was supposed to. He told her yes but he had to go home wash clothes, pack, clean get a shower and all this. Give him time, he was getting aggravated with her I could tell by the way he was answering. So then she told him we were going to Apple bee’s with the kids. He said he thought we were cooking at home. She told him we did we were going later the kids could sing and things. He said okay he wanted to go and to save him some dinner. Well about 8 she tried to get a hold of him see if she could head that way to pick him up because he needed a ride he didn’t answer. We left around 9 something I said he will message in a bit I bet you and want you to pick him up. She said maybe he didn’t have service. I said nope it is ringing he has service he is just not answering. I said he will say he was sleeping he fell a sleep. I said I wouldn’t go do it tell him he knew he didn’t get back with you. He just ignoring you right now. Because we already had this discussion about his phone and when he is in his room no service it don’t even ring. When he was sleeping and I was trying to call him it wouldn’t go through he said no it don’t do anything when he is in there. Then he gets his text later the ones that end up coming through.

Well she had to pick her kid up from work we were meeting over there. I had one of her kid she had one of mine. I got there and got a table and everything and she calls and says he called and is ready to be picked up he fell a sleep blah blah. Was it okay for her to take mine with her to get him. I told her yes. So they got there like an hour after we did. We stayed for about an hour and a half and left it was midnight then.

They got there and sat down Bff sat across from me and he sat at the chair they put at the end of the table all the kids were sitting down on the other side beside each other. We were all joking around and talking. Different songs would come on and we would sit there and be singing along or what. The song picture came on and I was singing along he started singing along to it. That line about filling up on cocaine and whiskey came up and he s stop singing and said something about the two of them together and and made this face. Like you do when someone says something about something you have done it wasn’t a good experience. I didn’t say anything I just looked at Bff but she was doing something with one of the kids or the waitress she didn’t catch it. I wanted to say something but I didn’t.

Then in a minute it says wish I had a good women to miss me. Sleeping Beauty says, I wish I had a good women to miss me. I started to say no you don’t you just want one that will use you and don’t care that is what your use to. A good women scares you and you runaway. One of the kids or Bff said something and I was trying to listen to them. I thought what the hell was you about to say, to myself? If they had not said something I would of said it and it probably would of started something. I wasn’t going to say it nasty or what just sarcastic in a joking around matter but he probably would of still gotten mad.

{November 9, 2018}   Fun With Friends

Tuesday night I took the kids to the fair like me and Sleeping Beauty were supposed to do. We ended up meeting Bff there with her kids and my old boss from the shop. The older kids all took off on their own and went on rides. Her younger three and 3 of mine stayed with us. My oldest Big Boy don’t like to ride most the the rides so he just walks around and watches some of the shows.

My younger son the dare devil wants to go on all  the rides no matter what they do or how fast they go or how high. Then there is my Little Bitty she wants to go on a lot of them but a lot she wont go on and some they wouldn’t let her go on. Lucky for Dare Devil one of Bff’s kids who stayed with us likes to go on all those same rides he likes.

We first go there I took my three and one of hers on the horses and we rode those. They went in a few of the fun houses and things like that. Then we made out way over to the rock n roller the three boys were going to go on together and my and the two girls were going to ride together. Well they stopped the boys and wouldn’t let BFF’s son go on with my two boys. They told him he was to short. I was right behind them and told the guy I would take him on with my and Little Bitty and he said that was fine. So her daughter rode by herself because she was big enough so that everyone could ride.

Then we were by the Zipper and her daughter wanted to go on but they wouldn’t let her because she was by herself. So Dare Devil said he would go on with her. I figured they were going to say no because he wasn’t an adult and younger than her but they let him on. I guess they have some rule that they have to have two people in the car so she was alone everyone else was with someone they didn’t have anyone to put her with so they told her she couldn’t go. But let him go on with her since he was big enough and wanted to go. From there they got off and went on the boat thing that swings back and forth then right over to the Ring of Fire.

Dare Devil got off the ring of fire and the look on his face said it all. All of a sudden he dropped to his knees and it was over from there he puked everywhere. I reach down and snatched him up. I was trying to keep him from puking in the middle of where everyone walks and all over himself. I got him over out of the way a little more but not much and he puked again. After that he didn’t go on anymore rides for a while. He went with Big Boy and watched some shows then he went on a few of the kidder rides.

On the way home he said little kids go on these rides thinking they are going to be so much fun and then they get on them and they are terrifying. I said but then you go get on the next one and the next one after that it don’t stop you from getting on. He said yeah I know but I don’t think I am ever riding the Ring of Fire again in my life. I don’t want to puke no more. Little

Bitty had a blast even though they wouldn’t let her get on some of the rides she wanted to go on. Some she probably could of went on but I wasn’t willing to get on them with her.

I did take them on the ferris wheel I wasn’t feeling that at all. Sometimes I am okay with them sometimes I am not. They didn’t have the one I like. I don’t like any but I can go on it better than the other.

The one above is the ones I like to ride if I am going to.

These are what they had. Something about everyone being spread out around it and the way your down in it bothers me. Sends my anxiety through the roof. But my babies wanted to ride so I took them. Suck it up and adult.

I got this off of

I read this and all I could think is yes this is so me. It’s what I have been saying all along.

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{June 10, 2018}   Need a Man

Last night while I was finally looking at the truck trying to check the headlights Starfish messaged asked what I was doing. I told him changing the bulbs and trying to see if we could aim them.

We finished and I headed home. It hadn’t taken us long so I messaged him on my way home. I was aggravated not having help with my truck, being alone, just wanting the closeness and support. I said I need a man! He sent back I need a women. I said I’ve just about given up. He asked why.

I said because all these guys just want to be “friends” or hang out see where it goes. None are into more. He said so are you ladies. I said no. He like yes.

I said okay so maybe some but these guys act like its all a game or something. Or they come in wanting to take care of everything, pay everything buy you things and your supposed to be impressed and fall all over them. I’m not into all that.

He never responded. We have talked a little bit since then but none of that came up after I said that.

I said it too because I wanted to see what he would say. I figured he get quiet like he did the other night when I said I was looking for more. But I’m sure he is thinking about it all too.


{October 18, 2017}   Actions Speak Louder Than Words

I started this new job a couple weeks ago and there has been a few guys there talking to me and one that is a little odd. The odd one is one of the bosses/leads. From day one every time I turned around he was right there on top of me, once it scared me I did’t expect anyone to be there. I was talking to someone beside me and reach to get something off my desk he was just standing there looking at me. He ask me to come to the front for something. I went up and he wanted to look my number up. Everyone else in the class was called up over the mic on the computer or just called for them to come up. There was a ton of other stuff like that we had to go up for and things we didn’t even need to go up there for. He would make it a point to come to the back of the room to find me and tell me he needed me here or there or this or that from me. I found it very odd, someone else even said why didn’t he just call you up or tell you that. Like the one thing we written right no my note pad he was standing there looking at when he walked up to my desk. He could of written it down or ask me if I had it. I didn’t need it looked up. Then he called me over to tell me what days and hours that were open I could pick from. I told him I was trying to do school and things asking about working around it. He told me what he could and couldn’t do and then told me just talk to them in a week or so to try and get things changed. He said he could’t do it right now but he was leaving me in good hands and he was going to make sure they knew about me and who I was and to try and make whatever I needed happen. He said if need be to get a hold of him or have them get a hold of him if they couldn’t. He is from the office south of us and said he had to go back down there. He was gone a day or two and has been back here. Now we are in a different room with a lot more people and a lot more leads and things walking around and seeing what is going on he hasn’t said to much to me but just looks at me when he walks by.

I said something to the guy I been talking to from the shop about it the first couple nights. I was talking to him and a friend. He said tell him to leave you alone, do I need to come down there and take care of it? I said no he hasn’t done anything out of the way or anything wrong for say to complain or say anything about it is just the way he is it just gives me a funny feeling but I was trying to be nice unless he did something he shouldn’t or uncalled for. Then I would have no problem saying something. I don’t know I been watching him I can’t figure him out. I don’t know if he is just awkward socially or what, but why come look for me and the stuff he said when giving me my hours and things. Everyone else said he just told them this is what there is you can put in for and you will know in a week or so if you have it. He told me this is what I have open whatever you want out of it is yours, this is all I can do for now but we will work on it. I even ask him is this a shift bid or can I count on it? He said no count on it your not bidding. But then he told everyone else they were bidding.

The first few days we were in one room then moved to another for some reason. There was some girl sitting beside me I wasn’t thrilled about her but I got there late that day when they moved so I was stuck sitting where was left. The next night I came in and there was a guy sitting there instead of the girl. I liked where I sat just not who was sitting next me and the other computers were pretty much full or next to people already on the phones. I didn’t want to be with the people on the phones so I went back and sat next to him. We have been sitting next to each other since. He is funny we have about the same since of humor and said back there laughing our asses off most the night. A few times we got in trouble because he didn’t have his mic on mute and everyone could hear him. The lead is like um you all might want to make sure your on mute before you have your conversations. We just laugh more.  A few times he said I am so glad you just laugh at the crap I say and not look at me like oh my god or something. now someone sits in between us, no clue why they would do that (Smirks).

He been talking to me and asking me where is good to go for this and that and to go out. He just got here a few months ago. Friday I said something about wanting to go out, he said where are we going? I said something about not being sure or waiting to see what someone was doing or something. He said where are we going to go? I just said I was supposed to be going with a guy from my other job. He said well if you change your mind. Today he was asking me if I was going to text or call him. I said no I just wanted to know if he was on the phone for work. He said well shit just pop my bubble. They other week we were talking about something and he said you know that song blah blah. I said no he was telling me how it went said sure you do. I said no that is one I haven’t heard before. He said how OLD are you? I told him and he looked like his eyes were going to fall out of his head, he said let me get my walker and bengay and find the 8 track so I can play it for you. I laughed I said oh 8 tracks I know what those are I have played them before. We laughed. Then later we were talking and something he said I guess he is about 50 or 52. I would have never guessed it, I thought 40’s but not close to 50 or even 50.

He the one that has helped me get in my truck when I locked my keys in. Monday I get to work and we go on our first break and he says I locked my keys in the car. I laughed and said no you didn’t? He said yes I did and I left my clicker at home, I don’t even know why I locked it I never do. I said I will hold the back open so you can crawl through and unlock it!! He said um yeah no, that isn’t going to open anyway. I said well the only other thing I have to offer is I have this nifty little tool in my door that if you tap the window with it…..He just looked at me and shook his head. I would of offered to take him home to get his key but I was leaving early and would have had to leave really early and he would of had to as well. The other guy we been talking to said he would run him home and bring him back. He lives about 30 miles away or so. If he hadn’t offered I would of seen if I could get them to send someone from the shop to open it if they had the things to do it with. I did tell him if he could find something to reach in there with I could probably open it. I have watched the guys do it and it isn’t hard.

The other guy has been poking around asking questions and things but hasn’t said a lot. But you can tell, by the questions he asking he trying to get information.

It’s like the ones that want to do something are one’s I’m not interested in or way older than what I am looking for and the ones I am interested in are scared.

My “friend” from before I have been talking to all these years messaged me the other day. But I am not into anything more with him. I was before but not really now. Haven’t been in a while. I know if I go back there with stuff he knows now and comments he has mad in the past he is going to start trying to take it back around to us getting together and being more. I don’t want to go there with him and have that talk. I am just ready to move on from everyone I know or have known and look for something new.

Like my friend said the guy from the shop says he is nerves around me and he don’t know why. Like I told her you know what I am scared to death of everyone after everything I been through but I’m still putting myself out there and for what to just be done the way that I have so far. They all want to talk and when it comes time for actions disappear. We are all adults we all have issues and baggage,  but we are well into this thing called life. It is time to deal with them and move on or open your mouth speak up say something and go from there. Not talk shit and disappear. If you aren’t going to put no actions with them words don’t bother to even go there and start like your interested. I am ready to go back into my hole and stay by myself. It sucks because I was doing really good to and had got past the freaking out going into the avoid forget it don’t even talk to them like I was a while back when I first thought maybe I would like to meet someone. I said to her, I am not looking to rush into something, jump into anything or whatever you want to say. I am looking for someone to talk to, go out with now and then when we are both free or what. I have to much shit going on I am not going to be stuck in someone’s ass 24/7 nor do I want them in mine 24/7. I’m not looking for sex or to get into that kind of relationship right now even, just really get to know someone see how we really feel about each other if we do and if we want anything more than friends. If I was just out for sex I could get that any day of the week that I decided to and probably from a different person. Not that is a good thing and I’m not like that and it isn’t what I want or I wouldn’t have been alone all this time. I find it kind of amusing but at the same time I’m just like fuck it, I’m not playing games or waiting around forever.

The other week when I started my job we were talking and I was at work he was at a football game I think. He said something about going home. I said at least you get to go home I have hours to go and won’t get home until after midnight. He said yeah A lone. I said well you don’t have to. He said what do you mean? I said you could go out somewhere and find someone to go home with or to take home. He said I did but she is working really hard the next two weeks so I will just have to wait. I said oh really now? He said what? I said nothing and we talked some. But then Friday when I could get out again he ended up not going again. It’s like what the fuck are you doing? What do you want or do you want anything? I haven’t said anything to him. I know he is going through some things too but like I said before don’t talk this shit then nothing. I decided I am not messaging him or nothing see if he does me or how long it takes him to. I haven’t heard from him at all today. I messaged him after work yesterday and ask how his arm was and if he went to get it checked out. He got a spider bite Friday I guess at work. He said yes and we talked a little but then nothing today. I am just going to wait and see if or when he says something. I’m going be at the shop tomorrow or Friday I might say something to him then. I told my friend I can make him nerves, she said how and I told her flash him lol. She said do it, but I won’t because there are cameras and things up there all over the place. I got to get off here and go to bed, I have two mid terms to do tomorrow and I have to apply for graduation so I can walk and get my certificates in December. I think I am going to take half day off at my new job tomorrow so I can go do my test and take care of that. They said school comes first and I still can’t do anything but sit there so.

{June 19, 2015}   So Excited I Got A Letter

This evening I took the dog out to walk her and checked the mail. I didn’t expect to get anything really I checked it yesterday and it was empty. When I looked I was surprised to find two letters, one for me and one for my little guy. I was so excited I ran inside to give him his and open them. I helped my little guy open his first it was from my oldest at camp. I knew they were from camp I just didn’t know from which one as I addressed the envelop for them but didn’t put a return address on it. I did it in the car and was in a hurry. I read him his and then open mine. It had something in it when I open it it was a bird feather.

She said she was having fun, she was making friends. She said she met a girl there that went to the last school she went to and that she made friends with one of the girls in her cabin. She is watching out for my big boy but don’t see him much. She said he came over and sat next to her when she was taking a water break and they were all playing ball. He was pretty upset and didn’t want to play any more because his team wasn’t winning. She said she talked to him and tried to get him to go back and play but he wouldn’t. She went on to play. When she seen him the next day at breakfast or lunch he seemed to be happy again and doing ok. She said that the next night was the fire and smores she couldn’t wait. I am assuming that was last night because it probably took two days for the letter to get here. She said she was going to go she just got out of the shower and it was almost time to go to sleep. Then she put p.s the father is for little guy it is a sand hill father. He was so excited about that. He said is it a tickle father so I can tickle people with it. I told him to put it and the letter in his draw so he didn’t mess it up and could keep it.

She said you were right I am glad I came I am having fun and meeting new friends. I was glad to hear that since she had went back and forth about going after being at my mom’s.

I don’t know if my boy wasn’t able to get stamps or he just didn’t write. Maybe he wrote another night and sent it we will get it tomorrow even who knows. I know he isn’t much of a writer and I wasn’t able to send them with stamps. I stopped to get some but forgot until we were next to camp. We stopped at two little stores (the ones by us sell stamps) and even found a post office right my the stores but the post office didn’t have a stamp machine and it was closed. I told them to ask someone there if they could please have a stamp as they said they had some things for them if they forgot theirs. I was hoping he would write and tell me how he was liking it and things. Nothing she said worried me though, with his disability he gets that way over games and things. But then he will be fine once it is over and he has moved on to something else. I just hope he is making friends other than that. That he isn’t being picked on or left out. I really don’t think the people in the cabin or over the camp would let it happen but kids do things when people aren’t looking they aren’t stupid. I guess I will know what he thought before long. Only about 29 more hours before I have to be there to pick them up.

{April 30, 2015}   What He’s Up To or Done Now

My mom called this morning and she tells me she got a text from father of the year saying he got moved to the shop as a mechanic. He said not by choose but to keep his job.

He has said for a while now he was going to see if they would just move him to shop side so he didn’t have to do the towing. But it is less money and he don’t have near the tools he is going to need to do the job. He don’t work fast enough to make any money at it. All the jobs he has had he has gotten in trouble for being to slow. The last job he had working in a shop is where the term father of the year time came the only reason they kept him was a body that although slow would come in any time they said and do whatever they said and not complain.

I guess this is so he can say he isn’t working 24/7  6 days a week. But he is still working 6 days a week with only one day off. Who knows he hit a poll the other day and knocked the box of the truck and who knows what to the pole. Who knows what is going on. He was supposed to be over here two days ago and we haven’t seen or heard from him. I figure the text was ment to be sent to me not her he just didn’t know it went to her. That is why he said not by chose because we have talked about it and that it wasn’t a good idea and how he wouldn’t make hardly anything. He even said he wouldn’t just more lies. His phone has been off and he decided to get it back on today and still haven’t heard from him. He had a phone he could use but didn’t offer to. I figure when I do hear from him it will be to say he can’t take the kids until he gets off at 6 tomorrow. When he was supposed to be here at 8. Knowing I have this party to put together and shop for and other things to do.

It be nice to say its a good thing and he is trying to do what he needs to do but he is crying now that he has no money and can’t afford this and that. Asking to be moved to a job where he is going to be making a lot less isn’t doing that. If he did get moved because of messing up on the tow truck is not excuse either. He dose this all the time all over and it is never his fault. I am sure when he finally decides to come around he will have some excuse why he got moved and how it was someone else fault how he didn’t do anything wrong.

If he done it because he thinks he will get out of paying anything or get off paying hardly anything he is in for a surprise because they are going to look at what he has been making and tell him he is able to make it to go find something making it. They have caught on to these guys taking jobs making nothing to get out of paying. I have 8 months worth of pay stubs showing what he has been making.

So as of right now he has took a job working the same 6 days he been working for less pay. Seems like he is doing better for himself already. Since he lost his job doing electrical he has done nothing but get job after job making less than the last one. He finely gets this one making decent and dose whatever it is he has done to get moved to less money again. He makes no since to me.

et cetera
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